InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ My Devotion ❯ Emotions: Conflicting and mixing ( Chapter 25 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Author's Note: This is one of my longer chapters. I thought I'd give y'all something nice for a change. Honestly, this has been on my mind for some time but I couldn't bring myself to do what I'm about to do in this chapter until now. Happy holidays! R&R

Emotions-Conflicting and Mixing

InuYasha touched his fingers to his neck, expecting to feel the beads there as always. He was groggy and didn't fully comprehend that if they were scattered among the floor they couldn't possibly reside around his neck. When his fingertips met the skin of his collarbone, his confusion doubled at the look and smells from Kagome.

“It's gone. Kagome?”

Her smile was sad as she said, “I don't have anything over you anymore.”

He was excited and at the same time fearful of what this newfound freedom entailed. Yes, he could go anywhere he wanted, say anything he pleased without the S word sending him face first into wood, concrete, and dirt, but it also meant something else…

“Nothing over me?” she nodded slowly, not meeting his eyes. Was something wrong? She was acting so distant in a way she hadn't ever done before. So something was wrong.

Now, the proper thing to do, the smart thing to do, would have been to ask Kagome what she felt. But he didn't. In this way, InuYasha and Sesshoumaru were alike though they probably would never grow close enough to recognize this sad similarity. The men of their line have an especially bad habit of denying the depth and direction of their emotions under false pretenses. Instead, he began to think to himself with such flawed logic, a logic born out of denial, that something tragic was bound to occur.

To InuYasha, in that moment, the phrase `nothing over you' meant most closely that she felt she needed no control over him. And if that was true, then she must have no further need for him. Without need, there must be no caring in their relationship. The realization, made in rapid earnest struck him the heart like the pointed tip of Kikyou's arrow many years ago.

Could she fear him? He smelled it upon her more prominently than anything else. The remorse could have been for him. Still, though things made sense, they didn't make perfect sense and in fear of the pain that the full truth could bring, he refused to try and reason it out any further.

Leaping to his feet, he almost shouted at her, “Nothing over me?”

She shook her head in confusion, her brows dipping downward towards her nose, but when she opened her mouth to speak, he cut her off.

“You're just like Kikyou.”

Beyond understanding, her temper inflamed and leading her actions, she rose to her feet as well and smacked him hard in the face. “Don't you evercompare me to her! That's all you ever do! You use her as an excuse--”

He let her speak as the shock wore off and the pain of her blow began to seep into his bones. “I've heard enough. Kikyou was the only woman--”

“What? That shot an arrow through your heart! And you'd still rather hate me!”

“Kagome, I don't--”

“Lies! I hate you InuYasha! Why don't you just go…”

Her face was twisted in a despair that even the most perceptive demon could mistake for rage. He stepped back in disbelief and not really accepting the confession, conceded. “Keh…fine. I'm gone.”

Kagome held her arms over her chest, hugging herself and fighting back her tears as he gathered his things in a makeshift satchel and left out the window with nay another word.

She fell to her knees, unable to keep it together any longer, an icy hand gripping her heart, making her body heat up to try and fight off the cold flooding her veins like lightning. Silent tears flowed down her cheeks in a steady stream though she never called them forth. And then, as she rest there drowning in her own despair, her lips formed the words she couldn't say in his presence…

“I love you InuYasha.”

Out of the corner of her tear-blurred eye, she saw a dark figure in the doorway.

Lord Daiyami, though he was sure the witch was crazed, sent some of his shades to intercept the Queen with her flashy display of power: too many troops in her wake.

The forest had thinned, no more than a few saplings as the woods slowly pushed beyond their boundary and into that of the shades though there were at least 200 kilometers before their settlement. While the Silkworm Demons progressed, four or five the saplings and trees changed their shape, encircling the intruders. Their forms continued to switch as they spoke in low and high pitches in perfect unison.

“A little much don't you think, Queenie?”

She stepped forward from her between her guards confidently. “A sign of good faith, I assure you.”

“You'll need more than assurances with our people.”

She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly and threw down a large sized bag of gold pieces, the contents spilling over the ground as the cord came loose. “If you'd rather carry this out as a transaction, fine. But you can't turn me away. If I felt so inclined, I could annihilate the lot of you with the numbers I hold at present. As it were, I have other prey in mind and I'm interested in your services.”

One of the shades' forms materialized into one of a human with purple hair and pink eyes, the form feminine but hazy as she turned over the gold and bit into it. In the bottom of the bag were also various died silks. She straightened, tying the pouch into her belt.

“Besides, we have some information you might be interested in.”

“We're listening.”

The chubby old cook was adamant about refusing to deliver food to the residents of the castle. As far as she was concerned, the kitchen was her domain and she was no house servant so she needn't leave the kitchen to care for special deliveries. Anyone who was hungry would come to her table and that was as far as she went to serve her guests, even her Lord and Lady.

It was for this reason that Yuki did all the runs for the woman. They were close enough to be mother and daughter and in many ways, they were. Yuki was brought up in the kitchen with her and would do anything. It wasn't bad excuse to get out of laundry duty either. With a practiced ease, she quickly made her way to the injured guest's room with the tray of food, without dropping, spilling, or shifting anything.

However, the voices from inside caused her to stop abruptly and wait to the side of the door curtain though she grew more disturbed as the volume of the voices grew inside. Their argument made no sense from her point of view and when she heard the girl's declaration of love for the hanyou, she felt almost sick with them.

Yuki didn't have the resentment for humans like Hemtomaru and with Lady Rin being human, she couldn't understand why Lord Sesshoumaru allowed him to remain in the castle but she supposed that was besides the point. She slowly pushed aside the curtain, noting the alarm of the girl.

“Miss, it's alright. My name is Yuki. I brought you breakfast but you seem perfectly able-bodied to me. Seems a waste of my time.”

“Perhaps it is…” she murmured, swiping the tears away from her cheeks. “I don't have much of an appetite. I'm sorry.”

She put the tray down on the small but elegantly crafted steel stool by the bed and put her hands on her hips. “You're pathetic and absurd.”

“What?”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes. I do.”

Yuki rolled her eyes. “Then why did you say you hate him and push him away. Moreover, why are you still here? You should be on your way after him, not wallowing.”

A heavy sigh heaved from her chest before she proclaimed in defeat, “It's no use. He's still in love with someone else. He could never love me as I am.”

“He's a man. They're especially thick. Don't expect him to understand what you try to tell him with silent languages. Come outright and say it. That's all it takes. How do you think Rin got our stone-faced Lord Sesshoumaru on a leash?”

Kagome chuckled. It sounded too simple to be true. Then again, if she thought about it, she noticed that anytime she tried to tell him her feelings with actions, he grew uncertain and that was when arguments arose between them. “Then that's what I'll do.”

She headed for the door before Yuki grabbed her by the arm. “You're a crazy ningen, ain't ya? Eat.”

“But you just said--”

“Lord Sesshoumaru has his guard around the perimeter of these lands. He won't get that far.”

Somewhat at ease, Kagome sat down at the small, low stool that substituted as an individual table and on the simple red cushion that had been a source of color on the large cot the night before. Yuki stood as the miko wench slowly lifted chopsticks leaden with fried rice, eggs, and bits of fragrant ham and sausage to her lips and vaguely wondered at how bothersome it was that these humans required sustenance so frequently. Her eyes shone like opals, the color constantly shifting in a way that confused Kagome, reminding her of magic. She glanced away and focused back on her breakfast.

“How long have y'all been together that you know you love him?”

“Ten years…”she murmured with a bitter sense of finality.

“A long time to be sure. Longer than my Lord and Lady?”

“Not by much, but yes.” She was twenty-five now. A woman by modern time standards and somewhat past her prime in those of the feudal era. They probably thought she was marred in some way, unmatchable. She sighed as she realized that, in some ways, her little Rin was more mature in her eighteen years than Kagome was in her twenty-five. Disappointing.

“Maybe they're right. Maybe I am afraid he doesn't love me. Maybe…”

Yuki's eyes bored into the girl with some definite truth that she couldn't quite grasp. Kagome's eyes fixed blankly on the hem of the servant's kimono. It was a muted, dirty brown with thin, slanted green lines running in sets of three down the piece, broken only by thicker green lines in a random pattern.

Her focus was so great that she felt like a part of the fabric, barely noticing the partially concerned call of “Miss?”

A truth, an escapable truth that was inherent in her being had eluded her for so many years and yet it was a truth of herself. How could she have not known it?

Yuki watched with unblinking eyes as this human, as many before her, accepted the truth of her fears. It was always like watching some new occurrence though some went their whole lives without ever knowing, without ever having this epiphany.

“Maybe…” hagome whispered as if muttering some intense secret. “Maybe I'm afraid he does love me…”

“Why?” prodded the servant girl.

“Decisions have to be made. To stay here, to go home. Marriage. Children. Adult affairs.” Of course it was crazy, irrational even, but fears usually were. Her fear was of facing her own maturity and the miko sprang to her feet with that realization.

“What's your name anyway, ningen?”

Saying it this once and for the first time, it sounded like a declaration of herself as she spoke her name. “Kagome.”

Yuki pulled a ring of keys from her sleeve, going through them until she found the proper one.

“Take the Ah-Un and oh…” she produced two cinnamon sticks from her skirt as well. “He's sweeter with something spicy in his mouth.” She smiled then, her eyes a simple brown as she let Kagome go on her way. Then she sighed in exasperation. “What a waste of a perfectly good breakfast.” She glanced out the door and when she was sure no one was looking, finished it off herself.

Kagome took the Ah-Un and the servant girl was right, he was a docile creature especially with the cinnamon. She pushed him as fast as he could go and it wasn't long before she saw InuYasha making his way to the guard and willed the two-headed dragon downward, he stomach doing a flip-flop. The stopped in front of him and against his better judgment, InuYasha stopped and waited as Kagome got off to approach him.

“Thought you wanted me--” he was cut off as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him rather forcefully. His eyes widened in shock before he closed them and wrapped his arms around her slim waist, one hand resting on the small of her back. When she pulled back, he let her, ready to listen to her explanation. Her face blushed a fierce red.

“I…I love you dog boy. And I know you may not feel the same way but…but that's how I feel. I took the beads off…you can go and I won't stop you…because I love you.” He began to smile as she stumbled over her words, trying to convey the right thing. “And if you love me back…I'm not afraid to do anything for you InuYasha…not anymore.”

With no eyes watching but the Ah-Un, he shook his head and hesitantly ran his clawed fingers through her long raven tresses, smiling at how her eyes closed and her lips parted expectantly. What had they been doing all along? A vision flashed before his eyes of Kikyou, her face having been like this once, but it was fleeting. He tensed and caused Kagome to open her eyes. She noticed the look in his eyes and recoiled.

“And if you still love her…I don't expect you to ever stop…”

He put his lips over hers in a soft kiss, quieting her. Of course he would always love Kikyou and her reincarnation had tortured him at first, plagued him with thoughts and longing, but as he kissed her, he knew she-Kagome-was something else, something completely different. He pulled back and stared into her chocolate brown eyes and thought that perhaps with her, he could have what he'd always wanted with Kikyou, and still with a woman he loved.

Kagome noted how uncomfortable he looked and for a moment her heart sank until she heard him, though shyly, mutter, “I love…you too…Kagome…”

Her face lit up with a smile the façade finally broken between the two and he would have kissed her then if not for the cold shadows created by the clouds. It caused her to shiver. He took off the robe of the fire-rat and wrapped it around her then scooped her into his arms, climbing on the Ah-Un.

“Smells like rain,” he murmured.

Kagome tried to hide her beaming smile against his chest as she murmured, “Thank you InuYasha.”

“Me-Lord,” Jaken crowed as he walked into Sesshoumaru's study, “Lord Masako and Lady Fumiko have arrived.” The taiyoukai let his glance wander to Rin who was sitting and reading up on demon customs as her study regiment required, but he met her alarmed eyes instead of the side of her head. “It's concerning the council.”

“Enough, Jaken. They sent no letter prompting their arrival.”

“Should I send them away?”

Sesshoumaru had no intention of doing such a thing to guests with prestige, especially as one of the few that had been truly disconcerted that Rin could not be the true Lady of the western Lands, all of her heirs henceforth deemed illegitimate due to her inability to produce a full demon heir. However, they had imposed themselves on Sesshoumaru without warning and needed some kind of punishment befitting.

“No, have them wait in the dining room. I will be along shortly.”

Rin waited until Jaken had left to put away her scroll. “Koi.”

He felt the anxiety rolling off of her. “Calm down, Rin.”

“Calm down?! How can you tell me that! You know why they're here, Sessoumaru.” A low growl from deep in his throat made her mouth go still. She hugged herself and gave him a dirty look. “And what pressing business do you have to attend to, Sesshoumaru, that you have to make Lord Masako wait?” He looked away from her and to his desk, his eyes fixing on nothing in particular, so Rin took the initiative and walked out of the room, towards the dining hall, her mate following close behind. So much for making the couple wait. Never had he been spoken to in such a manner. Least of all by her.

Rin slid open the door to the dining room and sat in her place, Sesshoumaru sitting at the head of the table beside her. “Lord Masako. Lady Fumiko.” Sessoumaru nodded to the two and they in turn.

“I'm sure you know why we're here but what we can't understand is why she still is,” he said harshly, pointing an accusing finger at Lady Rin. Sesshoumaru bared his teeth at the idiot's insolence as his Lady tensed beside him in her upset.

Noting the oncoming onslaught of reprimands, Fumiko suggested, “Come with me, child, while they talk over this.”

Lady Fumiko lead Rin out into the hall while the men began to speak heatedly. Rin cried into her mate's crimson handkerchief as the older demon patted her back.

“It's nothing personal, Rin, just protocol. Tradition. Heirs have to be full blood.”

She looked up at the sweet demon woman and chuckled sadly to herself. “They always have to take care of everything, huh?”

Rin thought it was a trick of the light or her eyes as the form of Lady Fumiko shuddered, causing Rin to blink in surprise. Lady Fumiko hesitated before continuing, “Uh…yes, dear.” At that moment, dread flooded Rin and it took all her will not to shudder in fear as realization struck her. The lack of a preceding letter, Lord Masako's fiery attitude and Lady Fumiko's uncertainty. She had read about a particular type of demon supposed dead after so many years.

Shades…

Rin walked a few more steps with this foreign being and broke into a run. Unfortunately, the demon beside her noticed her tensing and knocked her to the floor, pulling a curved dagger from beneath her robes. Rin screamed in pain, having landed on her belly, and rolled over. She was unaware of the shade approaching with murder in mind as her back arched in pain. Red invaded Rin's eyes, a low gurgling coming from her mouth as she clawed at the air above her, her ears, nails, and canines growing to deadly points…

KILL! KILL! KILL!

Masako continued to go on about the scandal in keeping his mate while Sesshoumaru stared pointedly at him, barely listening. Slowly, Masako began to quiet down without input from the Lord of these lands. After all, it takes two to argue. He had been focusing on the scent of Rin's tears when he smelled something else, fear. His entire being screamed suspicion at Lord Masako, causing him to phase in and out of his form. Sesshoumaru lashed his whip, toppling the head to the floor before running out into the hall at his mate's scream of pain. The imposter Lady Fumiko was poised over Rin, ready to strike before Sesshoumaru ran her through with his poisoned claws then tore her to pieces, his bloodlust high. It was all he could do not to change into his true form in his rage and despair.

Rin lay on the floor writhing, changing for the first time before his eyes. It was horrible for him to watch though he couldn't understand why she continued her metamorphosis even after the danger was gone. She fixated on him and sought to kill, though the crippling pain in her belly kept her on the floor. Sesshoumaru, her mate, her love, took her into his arms and held her there, restraining her for what seemed like an eternity there on the floor.

Kagome and his half-brother found them there much later.

“Oh my god! How long has she been like this, Sesshoumaru?” He didn't say a word as she ran off to her quarters and came back with a syringe. He held his mate closer, protectively though she thrashed and added his blood to the mix of shades on his kimono.

“Sesshoumaru, just hold her. This will make her sleep.”

Reluctantly, though knowing she meant only to help, he twisted out Rin's arm and let Kagome press the needle through her skin and squeeze the sedative into Rin's veins. They watched her as she slowly gave up the fight against her will and went limp in Sesshoumaru's arms…

Author's Note: I know. I'm bad, but…hmm…No, I don't have an excuse this time…Sorry REVIEW!