InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ One Summer ❯ Three's Company, Too ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: Three's Company does not belong to me. Trust me; this will all make more sense when you read the chapter.

 

Chapter 8: Three's Company, Too

 

The bathroom was truly an evil place, Sesshoumaru had decided. He had attempted to drink a colorful, pleasant smelling substance that he'd found beneath the `sink'. This did not go over very well with the girl. In fact, after a few seconds, it did not go over very well with Sesshoumaru.

 

After spitting out the offending substance (the girl practically held him over the sink in panic), he was offered a thin hot pink stick with bristles on the end, to `clear out the taste'. At this point he was willing to try anything.

 

“Now, let's see,” the girl took out a white tube, “this ought to do it” she said, squirting it liberally onto the bristles. “You just sort of swish it around over your teeth.”

 

Sesshoumaru did as he was bid and immediately regretted it. Ye gods, his eyeballs were burning! This stuff could take the skin off of a rock. For it was true that Carol used a certain highly abrasive brand of toothpaste. It burned like forking over eight dollars for a latte, but it did have extra whitening strength.

 

“Rinse, man! Rinse before it's too late!” Carol screamed, shoving a paper cup into his hands. Oh it wasn't meant to be in the mouth for this long. Even if he was a demon, no creature on earth could survive Molgate Extra Whitening for more than 30 seconds. The pain would just be too much.

 

Sesshoumaru spat furiously into the sink, cursing the very idea of this `extra whitening power', whatever that was.

 

“Okay…that didn't go over so well…the Molgate is a force to be reckoned with, isn't it? Let's just get what we came for and go,”

 

Sesshoumaru had no complaints there. He wanted to leave this wretched place as soon as possible.

 

The girl reached under the sink and pulled out an industrial sized bottle. It was the very best there was. She sighed happily, content with the knowledge that Malodorous Uncle Spud's Multipurpose High Strength Cleaning Solution would kill all germs. Kill them dead. (Incidentally, this cleansing agent is also known to bump off birds, house pets and the occasional small child. Just one whiff of the stuff could burn all of the hair from the nostrils. One of its key ingredients, in case anyone is wondering, was Molgate Extra Whitening toothpaste.)

 

“Help me open the windows?” She asked, as they arrived in her room, “Yes, that latch there…yeah, they had to put a warning on the bottle to open the windows after all those people died…”

 

Cleaning, as previously stated, was one of Carol's all-time favorite pastimes. She was like a hurricane, ruthless and capable of sweeping up everything in her path. It didn't take more than an hour, so finely tuned were Carol's cleaning skills.

 

“That's more like it, “She said, upon completion. Then she took a close look at Sesshoumaru for the first time since she'd gotten home. “Hey … can I ask you a question?”

 

He nodded.

 

“Why are you wearing my bra on your head?”

 

After a long, interesting conversation wherein it was explained to Sesshoumaru that, no, it wasn't a hat, and yes, he ought to take it off because it looked ridiculous, among other things, Carol led him to the guest bedroom.

 

“You can stay here for the night…but…don't leave okay? We've got to try and keep my parents from figuring out you're here. Remember that mass hysteria thing from before? Yeah … it'll be like that.”

 

As she walked to her room, she wrung her hands in exasperation. Oh! What was she going to do? There was no way, no way on Earth that she could pull this off. This sort of thing never worked in the sitcoms, and well, if they couldn't do it on Three's Company, well, she probably couldn't either.

 

She went to bed worrying and dreamed that Don Knotts was attacking her with a rusty shovel while John Ritter played tic-tac-toe with Sesshoumaru. No one ever said that dreams have to make sense.

 

“Come and knock on our door…” she muttered, upon awakening. She dressed quickly and headed off to see Sesshoumaru, who was, of course, awake. As far as she knew, he didn't ever sleep. You know she mused, that's kind of creepy when you think about it.

 

“Alright,” she said to him, “the first thing we have to do is to make you look … .less like you. So that we can go out and look for a way to get you home. Yeah.” Easier said than done really. Wait! She had an idea.

 

They snuck into her parents' bedroom. Carol was quite sure that they were already awake; she could hear them in the kitchen, but she wanted to be on the safe side.

 

“Okay,” she said, looking at the array of makeup on her mother's vanity, “I've actually never done this before, so bear with me.” She was surprised that he'd consented to let her do this; she hadn't thought he'd much like looking human. Then again, she had tried to put it more like looking `less intimidating so as not to make our lives more difficult' then `more human'.

 

She gave him a critical glance. It had been difficult to convince him to change into some of her dad's clothes, but she couldn't very well have him walking around in full armor. The missing arm thing was more noticeable when he wore a T-shirt, but eh, some people do have missing arms … it shouldn't concern anyone. (Though she hoped that no one would bring it up; she had a feeling that such a person would end up missing a few limbs of his own.)

 

Hmm … but the claws …she didn't even want to suggest that he cut them. At least she`d gotten him to tie back his hair. Silver was unusual …but kids were dying their hair all sorts of colors these days. Maybe nobody would notice. She wouldn't even know how to dye hair, so at least she didn't have to risk asking him to do it. The good thing about all this was that she was learning to be very diplomatic.

 

The markings on his face … now those she could cover with makeup. Not that she'd ever used makeup before, except on Halloween. (She'd never had any real desire to, and her parents practically lived in the `50s anyway.) Well, how hard could it be?

 

“Alright” she bit her lip and started to go at him with the foundation.

 

“Oh my god!” A voice said from the door. No! Oh no! This was bad, really bad. Carol sputtered. She choked. She felt like she was having heart palpitations.

 

“No! It's not what it looks like!” She cried, absurdly. The poor girl couldn't think of anything to say, so great was her terror. What was her mother going to think of this?

 

“Sesshoumaaaruuu!” Cindy pointed at him, eyes glazed over in shock. Carol looked up from the floor (on which she was having an `episode') and gasped.

 

“Cindy!” She sighed, somewhat relieved. At least it wasn't her mother.

 

“Sesshoumaaaruuu!” She said again, still pointing. Cindy looked insanely happy, suddenly, a little too happy, in Carol's opinion. She wouldn't. There's no way Cindy would even think of—oh who was she kidding? Of course she would! She almost see the gears turning in the girl's mind.

 

“SESSHOUMAAAARUUU!” Cindy sounded her battle cry and charged towards the unfortunate demon.

 

Ohgodohgod. Carol thought. This is gonna be BrightonCon `03 all over again… Carol remembered the events of a particular anime convention with a mixture of dry, unvarnished terror and crippling embarrassment, which was the way she always felt when she remembered why she couldn't go to anime conventions with Cindy anymore. Cindy loved Sesshoumaru. She loved him so much that it was seriously unhealthy. (Then again, most of Cindy's habits were seriously unhealthy anyway.) She'd jumped that poor Sesshoumaru cosplayer like he was an oversized T-shirt being shot up into the stands at a hockey game. They actually had to call in security to pry her off his leg. She was screaming `I love you Sesshoumaru' for the better part of an hour.

 

But that was just some guy in a costume who was too traumatized to do anything. How would the real Sesshoumaru react? Visions of blood and guts and Cindy's head being detached from her body floated through Carol's mind. She couldn't let that happen to Cindy! Hell, she couldn't let that happen to the carpet! (Blood takes ages to get out, you know.)

 

“Cindy, don't ---!”

 

But it was too late. Cindy was already foaming at the mouth. The mindless fangirl squealing would start any moment now. Carol covered her eyes. She couldn't look she just couldn't look. The horror!

 

The horror.

 

Carol braced herself for the bloody scene that was sure to unfold any minute.