InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ One Summer ❯ Crazy Talk ( Chapter 10 )

 

 

 

Chapter 10: Crazy Talk

 

 

Carol put her hands over her eyes and waited for the mess. When she realized that screams of agony had yet to ensue, she peaked between her fingers.

 

Cindy was just standing there. Standing. With her mouth open. Carol lowered her hands slowly, cautious hope blooming somewhere past her liver. Maybe Cindy wouldn't after all…

 

“I …” Cindy began. Nope. Cautious hope fading. Hopeless terror returning. Carol stepped back a few feet, shielding her face.

 

“ love you, Sesshoumaru.” Cindy said, pupils dilating to a frightening diameter. She leaned in, her nose practically touching his. “I LoVE yOU!” She pumped her fist in the air, salivating.

 

Sesshoumaru felt his left eye twitch. Well, there was definitely something wrong with this one. He looked to Carol for an explanation, but she simply shook her head.

 

“Eeeeee!” screeched Cindy.

 

“Aaah!” yelped Carol, as Cindy grabbed her by the shoulders.

 

“Where did you get A LIFE-SIZED SESSHOUMARU DOLL?!” Cindy leaned heavily against her friend, tightening her vice-like grip. “Where! And why didn't you TELL ME!”

 

“Cindy!” Carol gasped, “It's not—“

 

“Wait! I know! It's ...“here Cindy's voice dropped to a whisper, her eyes darting wildly, “… the mushroom people of Bangor 4! They've created a life-sized Sesshoumaru to trick us into giving them the CAULIFLOWER OF INFINITE WISDOM!” Cindy pulled a rancid, much abused head of cauliflower from her blouse.

 

“Unclean! Unclean!” Carol batted at the offending vegetable hysterically. “Put that away, Cindy!”

 

“Bwahahaha!” said Cindy, ignoring her. She brandished the cauliflower like a mafia patriarch brandishes a .357 Magnum, shoving it in Carol's face. “But we're too smart for that, Carol! We won't fall for their fUNgI MiND GaMeS!”

 

“Um … no, you see … “Carol struggled to explain, but, in truth, her story sounded almost as crazy as Cindy's. Seriously, a real live Sesshoumaru? In the flesh? That was an awful lot like crazy talk, and Carol knew it.

 

“Look who's laughing now, mushroom people!” Cindy shook her fist at the ceiling, cauliflower and all. “Look who's laughing now!”

 

“Oy,” said Carol, slapping her palm to her forehead. Cindy rambled on and on about the mushroom people of Bangor 4's dastardly scheme to steal the Cauliflower of Infinite Wisdom for several more minutes. Carol suspected that the root of this matter may in fact lie in Cindy's refusal to eat her vegetables. Suddenly, Cindy stopped mid-rant and stared at Sesshoumaru.

 

“So …” she said, “since I have thwarted the mushroom people, let us play with your LIFE-SIZED SESSHOUMARU! Hey, why were you putting make-up on him, Carol? I had no idea that you liked—“

 

“No, nothing like that! Listen, this is going to sound crazy but…” and here Carol realized just who she was talking to, “he's not a doll.”

 

“Oh! I see,” said Cindy, knowingly.

 

“Really?” Carol hadn't expected that.

 

“Yes, of course. `Action figure', right?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“He's not a doll, he's an `action figure'” Cindy made little air quotes with her fingers. “I get it.”

 

“No … that's not it at all …” Carol glanced at Sesshoumaru, who had been watching them with interest. “This is the real Sesshoumaru.”

 

“Really?” said Cindy, eyes widening.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Really really?” she asked, one eyebrow raised in suspicion.

 

“Really really.” Carol confirmed.

 

“Oh.” Cindy just stood there, for a moment, deep in whatever the Cindy-equivalent of thought was.

 

Carol tensed.

 

“Aeeiiieee! Sessshouuumarrruuuu!” Cindy let out a shriek that could curdle Molgate Extra Whitening Toothpaste. She made a mad dash for Sesshoumaru, but Carol was ready.

 

Oh so very ready.

 

“I'm not gonna relive BrightonCon `03” she muttered, restraining the Sesshoumaru-crazed girl. (Though, in fact, she would frequently relive it in nightmares and flashbacks for years to come) Sesshoumaru, also on the alert, had his sword drawn and held a squirrel's width from Cindy's nose. (This is, of course, assuming that said squirrel had a particularly bare tail, perhaps an early onset of squirrel-pattern-baldness)

 

As Cindy flailed and grabbed for Sesshoumaru, Carol desperately tried to hold her back.

 

“Don't worry, she just gets a little over-excited, sometimes,” said Carol, eyeing the sword, “She reeeaaallllyyy likes you...”

 

“I LOVE YOU, Sesshoumaru!” yelled Cindy, illustrating Carol's point.

 

“This Sesshoumaru wants no such affection,” he said, and Carol really couldn't blame him. Still, he did put away the sword. Whoo! Thought Carol. Score for me!

 

“Cindy,” Carol grunted, “Don't harass Sesshoumaru.”

 

“But, but … I LOVE—“

 

“Yes, yes, I know,” Carol said, comfortingly, “But you can't go grabbing him. You know … Sesshoumaru? Blood guts, killing, doesn't much like humans…does that ring a bell?”

 

“I LOVE—“said Cindy, stubbornly.

 

“Ah! No, calm, Cindy. Calm.” Okay, maybe she should try a new tactic. “The mushroom people!” She blurted. Cindy stopped struggling and turned to face Carol. Good, now she had her attention.

 

“The mushroom people,” began Carol, trying to sound like an authority on the subject of extraterrestrial fungi, “will certainly be able to steal the Cauliflower of Infinite Wisdom if you touch Sesshoumaru …they have Sesshoumaru-Touching Sensors implanted beneath his skin, “ she invented.

 

Cindy considered this. Sesshoumaru seemed mildly amused. (At least Carol thought he did. It was kind of hard to tell. He was Sesshoumaru, after all.)

 

“Beneath the spleen,” Cindy said abruptly, “They always put the Sesshoumaru-Touching Sensors beneath the spleen.”

 

“Right,” said Carol, “did I said `skin'? I meant spleen. Yes. Spleen.”

 

“Aha!” said Cindy, twiddling the Cauliflower of Infinite Wisdom.

 

“Now, you understand why you can't touch/ harass/ or otherwise infringe upon the personal space of Sesshoumaru?”

 

“Yes, Sir!” Cindy saluted, clicking her heels, “It shall be difficult, but I will refrain from any of the aforementioned touching, harassing and infringing on personal space. -Ing. Infringing on personal space-ing, “she added, as an afterthought.

 

“Okay good,” said Carol, “Now, we have to find some way to send Sesshoumaru home.”

 

“B-but … I LOVE—“

 

“Easy, soldier, “Carol said sternly.

 

“Right!” Cindy saluted again.

 

“Hmm…” said Cindy, “ Let's go see Madame Zelda, at the mall!”

 

“No way, we are not dragging Sesshoumaru to some crazy mall psychic!”

 

“She's not crazy! She SeES InTO thE FuTURe! Spoooooky!” Cindy made spirit fingers.

 

At this Sesshoumaru started. Yes, he could use a glimpse into the future … The powers of the `Maul-psychic' would be useful. He momentarily wondered if it was required that they be mauled before visiting the psychic, but then brushed the idea away.

 

“Let us go visit this `maul-psychic',” he said.

 

“Huh?” said Carol. Well, she reasoned, it couldn't hurt to see the nut, and arguing with Sesshoumaru could. No contest. “I guess we could …”

 

“Haha! Score for the CINDY!”

 

“…but first we'll need to finish your disguise, Sesshoumaru. So that nobody freaks out.”

 

“Oo! Pick me, pick me!” Cindy raised her hand, waving to get Carol's attention. “ I can help!”

 

“Um …I don't know if that's a good idea …” Carol remembered that Cindy's idea of presentable involved mismatched stockings, parachute pants and a whole lot of glitter.

 

“Nonsense!” said Cindy, taking the foundation off of the vanity. “I am a MASTER of disguise! Leave it all to me!”

 

Carol had a bad feeling about this.