InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Ours ❯ Rin ( Chapter 13 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Rin couldn't do it.

I tried to go back to Lord Sesshomaru again after Master Jaken died. I tried to do the same thing I had always done when I was sad: cover it up by acting overly happy and trying to pretend nothing was wrong.

But I couldn't. I couldn't look at him without recalling everything that I had recently learned. I haven't figured out how to react yet. I'm not ready to make decisions.

So I just ran.

Oh Master Jaken. If you were here, at least you would've listened to Rin.

I ran and ran until I bumped into something; a leg covered in the silk of a kimono. I looked up and saw that lady that flies on a feather; Kagura.

"What are you doing?" she raised an eyebrow.

At first, I just stood there with my mouth open. Then I couldn't help but clutch her and break down to my knees, crying again. I've been doing that so much lately. I told myself I wouldn't.

She flinched a little bit, but didn't push me away or anything. "H-hey, kid..."

I clutched her harder and cried silently.

"Listen, I-what's going on? Why aren't you with Sesshomaru?"

I sniffled and blinked before I found my voice. "Rin can't be with Lord Sesshomaru right now."

"What are you talking about?" She bent down to my level so she could look me in the eyes. "Is this because of Jaken dying? Why would that keep you away from Sesshomaru?"

Her mention of Master Jaken almost made me burst into tears again, but I didn't. I just squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head no.

"Wait..." She spoke, a hint of understanding in her voice. "Does this have anything to do with what him and Inuyasha were talking about back there?"

I didn't answer; I didnt need to. She had figured this much out on her own.

By nightfall, she figured it out. There were parts of it she didn't understand, but as time passed, I grew more comfortable in her presence. She figured out most of it herself anyway, so there was no point in hiding the rest from her.

She had sighed heavily. Then she flew me on her feather to a field of white flowers.

"This is where I usually spend the night."

Did she know how much I loved flowers or something? In any case, it did cheer up up slightly to see so many of them and I started to play with them. I didn't know why she was keeping me by her side; but I really wasn't complaining. It was comforting.

"Time for bed, kid." She announced after a while. "Do you need like, a bedtime story or something? Is that what human kids like?"

I shook my head no. "Rin doesn't like bedtime stories."

"Why not?"

"They don't make sense to me." I stopped fiddling with the flowers in my hands. "They aren't right."

Kagura suddenly looked interested. "Oh? Why is that?"

"Mom and dad used to tell me bedtime stories back when they were alive." I started. "And in all of them...they have so many random people dying. But it's not the deaths themselves that bother me."

"Then what is it?"

I curled up in a ball and stared at my feet. "The story doesn't care about those people that die. The people listening to the stories don't notice them either. But when a main character dies, they get all affected...but to me, whether it's a main character dying or an anonymous side character, it's still the same thing."

Kagura closed her eyes. "So it's the attitude behind the stories you don't like. I can understand that."

"They're all people living and thinking in that fictional world; there shouldn't be any difference. But as long as the hero survives they say it's a happy ending, and if the hero dies it's a sad ending. I don't get it! To me, if anybody dies at all in the story, it's a sad ending. The only difference between those deaths is that the audience actually cares about the hero's death, but that never happens anyway."

I balled my hands up into fists. "Why do people think like that? Why do the people only care about the strong heros that end up happy? Why does no one care about characters and people like..." I hung my head defeatedly. "People like Master Jaken...and me?"

"That applies for people like me too." Kagura nodded. "That is, the villains."

I lifted my head up, kind of startled at her referring to herself as a villain. But I wasn't shocked or anything since I knew she worked for Naraku and she did kidnap me once before.

"A "happy" ending should have those characters ending happily as well because somebody in that world is crying over it." She continued. "'s like as long as the listener doesn't care about the character, it's not a problem and it goes unrecognized."

I nodded. "That's why I don't like them."

"If everyone could understand that, there would be a lot less problems." Kagura chuckled. "I came to recognize that a while ago. The only difference between the hero and the villain is who's telling the story. Everyone does what is in their own best interest and not the opponent's. I'm doing what's best for me, and so are they. For me to be happy, they have to be sad and for them to be happy...I have to be sad."

I kept listening to her, interested.

"Rin, do you know why I worked for Naraku?"

I shook my head no.

"He held my heart in his hands. He could kill me any time he wanted just by making a crushing motion with his hands if I didn't do what he told me to." My eyes widened. "So, if the "story" is being told from my perspective, I'm a symphathetic character and it's a happy ending if I'm free. But if it's from their perspective, I am someone who chose my one life over thousands of others out of fear and destroyed everyone else because of it, and it doesn't matter if I die or not. What makes the difference is whose side you choose to take; and people will usually, if not always, side with themselves."

I nodded slowly; I was beginning to understand what she was trying to say.

"People always choose to protect their own side instead of the other person's. I don't have a problem with that, but when I was first born...I didn't even think to put myself in the other person's shoes." She continued. "It wasn't until I started wodering why anyone couldn't see things from my point of view that I realized that I hadn't been trying to see things from anyone else's point of view either. The other person can be someone you are about too; and that's good. But you're angry about the type of people who don't even try to I used to."

"We assign importance to things." I began, agreeing. "When faced with the choice between the death of someone I know or the death of a stranger, I'll always choose the death of a stranger, even though they are both equal lives."

Kagura scoffed. "Fact is, life is equal; but people don't see it that way. If you say you do see all life as equal, you're obviously making an exception for your own life." Kagura closed her eyes. "Let's take away the opinions for a second and look at the facts. Factually, all living things exist as a part of a whole. If only one of two is going to survive..."

"...To the whole, it doesn't matter which one of the two it is." I finished where she left off. "But we're not the whole, we're individuals. So if it was you and another person, you'd choose for yourself to survive. Unless you really love the other person."

We sat in silence for the moment, just thinking things over. Then she spoke again.

"Rin. Do you hate Sesshomaru now?"

I shook my head no. "Rin could never hate Lord Sesshomaru."

"Are you angry at him?"

Again, I shook my head. "Not at him...just...upset, period."

"Think about this, Rin; there isn't a single living creature on Earth that doesn't survive without somehow stealing the lives of others."

I looked up at her, startled. What was she implying?

"All life forms depend on other life forms to get by. We eat other life forms, and to do that, we kill them." She kept saying. "People tend to forget what it means to eat something nowadays. All you did was kill something no different from you as a life form; just that you couldn't communicate with it. You are not more alive than it was; you just valued your life more. That's something you have to accept, Rin. It's just a part of life. Many lives have been sacrificed to keep us alive."

"I...I never thought of that."

"Countless lives have ended in order keep you and me alive. Your life doesn't belong only to you." Then she kind of smirked. "And if you're one of those people who try to deny this by saying that you didn't want to or choose to be born, then go ahead and choose death for yourself. There's no need to keep sacrificing other lives to support someone who is going to waste their life."

I gulped. She kind of scared me when she said that.

"I've caused I lot of trouble in my life for many people." Kagura sighed. "But I can't make it up to all of them, even though I recognize my mistakes. There are many things you just can't take back, such as killing someone. The only thing you can do from then on is to devote the rest of your life to helping someone the best you can. other words, just change your ways and live in a way you can be proud of from now on."

Then she turned and looked me square in the eyes. "I seriously think that's what Sesshomaru was doing with you, Rin."

That was the end of our conversation. But before I turned to go to sleep, I heard ruffling in the bushes.

Someone had been listening to our conversation, and now they were leaving. I could make out a tail and blue eyes.

Wasn't it that one man named Koga?