InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Ours ❯ Rin 2 ( Chapter 14 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: animetributes 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 07.13.2013 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.8K | Visits: 218 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 07.13.2013 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.8K | Visits: 218 | Status: Completed
The next morning, Lady Kagura flew me to Lord Sesshomaru. The look on his face when we hopped off her feather was the most expressive I have ever seen him make.
"Yo." Kagura sure greeted him funny.
"Lord Sesshomaru!" I smiled, making sure to sound even more cheerful than I usually did, and ran to hug his leg.
He looked down at me with widened eyes. "...Rin?"
"No matter what he was in the past, Rin will always love Lord Sesshomaru." I declared happily before he could ask me anything.
I heard Kagura chuckle. "I guess you can take it from here."
"...Kagura?" Lord Sesshomaru said quietly.
"See ya." By the gust of wind that followed, I could tell she had flown off and left. I looked up to see Lord Sesshomaru staring down at me; eyes filled with questions.
"Rin is sorry. Yesterday I just wasn't ready, I needed time to think. But now Rin is good." I let go of his leg. "Lord Sesshomaru, can you take me somewhere?"
He raised an eyebrow.
We flew over to a village.
My old village. The one I used to live in with my parents, and then later as a mute. People were recognizing me; I could see it on their faces. They made expressions of shock and disdain. Lord Sesshomaru must have recognized the place, since he kept sending everyone around us defensive death glares.
Ah, he was scaring them. I put a hand on his leg reassuringly and stepped out in front of him. "Hello!" I grinned and waved cheerfully. "Rin missed you all and came to visit! I will not be long!"
This hurts.
My smiles are often fake. I chatter in order to drown out the silence that scares me, and I smile in order ignore the pain in my heart. In hopes that if I keep smiling on the outside, I can make myself feel that way for real.
But this...this is the first time it's been this difficult to keep my mask on.
Lord Sesshomaru followed me silently as I walked up to a certain crumbled hut and walked in. There was almost nothing inside. The walls were empty save a bunch of bugs that crawled all over them. To the corner on the right, a dusty old sword inside a leather sheath had been laid to rest.
"No one is perfect." I declared as I walked up to the raggedy sword and touched its sheath. "Rin should've remembered that; I mean, I had blood on my hands once too."
My Lord's eyes widened a little bit; I giggled to cover up my apprehension. I don't blame him though. No one would've suspected that sweet little Rin had ever killed someone.
"When the bandits were attacking my parents, I was hiding. I was scared for my life, so I had my daddy's sword right here with me." I started explaining. "After they killed my parents, they all left except for one. One bandit stayed behind to take whatever belongings we had. He...he came really close to my hiding place."
I gulped and let go of the sword. This was not an easy memory for me to recall. I grabbed my Lord's hand, and luckily, my fear began to fade away.
"And then he opened the door to the closet I was hiding in...and I couldn't take it anymore. Part of it was out of fear of what he'd do to me now that he'd found me; part of it was anger at what he and his friends had done to me. I didn't know how to use a sword, but I took it out and I just...went crazy with it." I sighed. "I must have stabbed him like a thousand times. Once, I stabbed him in the eyes, and an eyeball popped out. After that I got freaked out, looked at the blood on my hands, and I just...I just ran."
"...Rin." I heard my Lord say my name.
"And then when I returned, the other kids were kinda shocked and scared about what happened and didn't know how to react, I guess. So...they did what people do when they're scared of something because they don't understand it. They alienated me." I closed my eyes. The urge to spill my heart out overwhelmed me.
I am not going to be here much longer. Lord Sesshomaru deserves to know who I really am.
"Every time I would speak, it always resulted in them mocking me. Every single time. So, I really didn't like to talk because it would always result in something bad. And I talked less and less...until one day, I stopped talking completely. I didn't want to talk and have them make fun of me. And I got used to it...I stayed silent for so long, that after a while, I forgot how to speak again."
Then I turned to him with a smile. "That is, until I met you. I could talk without getting made fun of. It was okay for me to talk now. So I tried my best to remember how to talk, and eventually, I remembered. And so I kept talking, and now I never shut up."
I giggled. "Although Master Jaken did criticize me, he never mocked me the way the kids did. It was very different. From him, it was more of...casual comments. He was honest, but not intentionally mean."
My Lord's eyes hardened at the mention of his late servant. Of course, it'd be foolish of me to think that Master Jaken's death did not affect Lord Sesshomaru as much as it hurt me. He was just less expressive about it.
The next place we visited was my parents' graves. I had made many flower arrangements during my stay with Kagura, and I laid them out carefully.
"Rin wasn't always so cheerful and talkative." I said to no one in particular, but Lord Sesshomaru seemed to be listening. "I dont know when I started doing this, but that's my way of coping. I cope with feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear and worry by acting really happy and pretending that nothing's wrong. I guess I was kind of hoping that if I acted that way on the outside, then it would in turn, make me feel the same way on the inside." I sighed. "But it doesn't work that way, does it, daddy?"
I knelt down in front of my father's grave. "I talk a lot to cover up my fear of silence. I smile to cover up sadness. I pretend to be alright so I can somehow make myself believe that what I seem like on the outside is really how I am on the inside. But daddy, I don't think I need to do that anymore."
Smiling, I put one more flower on my father's grave.
Though the hole they left in my heart will never close, with the newfound place in my heart Lord Sesshomaru and Master Jaken have, I can move on from the pain of that empty space and find happiness.
I turned around, looked my Lord in the yes, and smiled a genuine smile. "Lord Sesshomaru? Mom and Dad say thank you."
I had one more person I wanted to see. Moriko.
Lord Sesshomaru seemed a bit reluctant about this, but he flew me there anyway. Nervously, I knocked on her door.
"Rin...?" She exclaimed when she came out. "What are you doing here? And-with him?"
Her eyes drifted to Lord Sesshomaru; I can understand. I embraced her in a tight hug, trying to calm her down.
"Rin? What the-?"
"Shh." I toned my voice down to a whisper. "He's not ready to say it, but he is sorry. That isn't who he is now. And I am sorry. Sorry for doubting you, it must have hurt so much."
"Sorry?!" Moriko pushed me away. "Are you serious?! You think a little 'sorry' can make up for something like killing my father?!"
"I-" I was about to say something, but then I noticed the person standing behind her.
No.
Not him. He's one of them.
Why now? Why now, when I was about to try to justify my own behavior towards the same situation? If this his how Moriko felt when she first saw Lord Sesshomaru...I can't believe she didn't just run away.
Can I do the same?
"Hello?" She waved a hand in front of my face. "Rin? Are you in there?"
I gulped. "Moriko, who is that?"
"Oh, him?" Her expression brightened. "He's my foster father. He took me in after my father was killed. Why, do you know each other?"
The man in question turned to see me. Once he recognized me, he dropped the books he'd been holding. "I-it's you..."
He knows me. I recognizes me. I remember him-I remember listening to him make my mom and dad scream, and then silence their screams with his blade.
"Huh?" Moriko seemed puzzled beyond belief. "What's going on?"
I stood closer to Lord Sesshomaru, biting my lip. I can do this. I can't keep running away because sooner or later, I'll come to a dead end. Then where would I go? "Moriko...he-he was one of the bandits who killed my parents."
"...What?" Moriko whispered, taking a step backwards. "...You..."
"Do you understand now, why it was so hard for me to believe you?" I said to her gently. "I was still wrong, but please, try to understand."
Just then, Lord Sesshomaru growled quietly and cracked his knuckles like he does when he's getting ready to tear someone apart with his claws. I stepped in front of him.
He looked at me in confusion, but nonetheless, put his claw back down. But the look in his eyes made it clear that if he saw something he didn't like, he would kill the man.
Carefully and slowly, I approached the man.
"Child..." he breathed out. "What is your name?"
"Rin." I answered. "And yours?"
"Kiyoshi." He sighed. "I remember you. I remember what I did to you."
"So...so it's true?" Moriko muttered.
"Yes. Yes, it's true. I was a bandit in the past." He cleared his throat. "Please, at least allow me to explain myself. Child, I did you so wrong."
I nodded. He was hanging his head, scrunching up his face.
"Back then, I had lost everything. My wife, my kids, my home...they'd all been destroyed in a large fire. I had no money. No way to survive. The life of a bandit offered me food, clothing, and anything I might need to stay alive." He sighed. "At that point, I was desperate, so I joined a group of bandits. I didn't plan to stay with them for long. Just until I saved enough money to get back up on my feet."
Kiyoshi sat down, rubbing his temples. "We survived the only way we could; by stealing. But obviously the owners of the place are not going to give you anything for free, and they're not going to let you steal from them without a fight. So...many times, we ended up having to kill. It was then that I knew I couldn't do this for too long. Your family was our last...raid."
I swallowed. I felt tense.
"Your parents were the type who fought us. They wouldn't let us steal from them, and so...we killed them. Soon after, we learned that they had a child...and the child had been orphaned." He looked at me. "I guess that was you, huh? Anyway, by then, I couldn't take it anymore. I was sick of this life-having to kill to survive, all the guilt weighing down on me day to day...I had saved up enough money to go to a new village and get a respectable job there. And so, I left the life of a bandit, came here, settled down, and took in Moriko."
Everyone was silent until Moriko broke down crying. "That...that is no excuse. I'm sorry, Rin."
"...I know." Kiyoshi hung his head. "I know. It may have been so that I could survive, but nothing can change what I've done. You must have hurt so much. Please, child. Do with me what you want."
My eyes widened. What was he saying?
"...Rin, it's okay. He deserves it." said Moriko. "Go ahead, I won't hold it against you. You have every right in the world to avenge your parents."
"I see you have a demon friend with you." Kiyoshi spoke. "Please, go on ahead. If you would like, have him kill me. I owe you this much."
Lord Sesshomaru looked at me questioningly; I met his eyes, and shook my head no. Then to everyone's shock, I walked up to Kiyoshi and embraced him in a tight hug.
"It is okay. Rin is okay. You are forgiven." I let go of him and smiled. "Rin does not want you dead. Rin wants you to be happy. Keep on living your life the best you can."
Kiyoshi stared at me with his mouth wide open. "...Child...!"
"Rin, are you crazy?!" Moriko was saying. "Why would you do that? Don't you feel bad about your pa-"
I cut her off by giving her a big hug. Then I stepped back and looked her in the eyes. "Moriko. If you can't forgive the people who did you wrong, then you will become exactly like them, and continue the cycle."
"Rin...?"
"This is a cycle, Moriko." I replied. "It could start out with one mistake. The person takes revenge, not knowing that they had just done the same thing they were upset at the other person for doing. And now, the other person's family is upset. They want revenge and they're holding a grudge, so they get their revenge by using the same methods their enemy used. But now, the person they killed has allies, and now those allies want revenge. And they, too, become exactly like their enemies. It keeps on going like that, and it's a cycle."
Moriko stopped crying. "I-"
"Unless someone decides to not be like everyone else and decides to forgive-and not commit the same sins the other person did by taking revenge-the cycle will never end. I am ending the cycle. It's not gonna go on like this." I smiled. "All I ask of you is that you do the same for Lord Sesshomaru."
Her eyes darted toward my Lord.
"Don't let things continue the way they are. It will only result in more pain for everyone. Please. Forgive Lord Sesshomaru."
To my surprise, this time, Moriko was the one who hugged me. "It's easier said than done. But I will try, Rin. I promise that I will."
In this way, I think I have stopped another retaliatory war from breaking out and destroying even more lives. I think that was the best thing I could've done with my last days alive.
"Yo." Kagura sure greeted him funny.
"Lord Sesshomaru!" I smiled, making sure to sound even more cheerful than I usually did, and ran to hug his leg.
He looked down at me with widened eyes. "...Rin?"
"No matter what he was in the past, Rin will always love Lord Sesshomaru." I declared happily before he could ask me anything.
I heard Kagura chuckle. "I guess you can take it from here."
"...Kagura?" Lord Sesshomaru said quietly.
"See ya." By the gust of wind that followed, I could tell she had flown off and left. I looked up to see Lord Sesshomaru staring down at me; eyes filled with questions.
"Rin is sorry. Yesterday I just wasn't ready, I needed time to think. But now Rin is good." I let go of his leg. "Lord Sesshomaru, can you take me somewhere?"
He raised an eyebrow.
We flew over to a village.
My old village. The one I used to live in with my parents, and then later as a mute. People were recognizing me; I could see it on their faces. They made expressions of shock and disdain. Lord Sesshomaru must have recognized the place, since he kept sending everyone around us defensive death glares.
Ah, he was scaring them. I put a hand on his leg reassuringly and stepped out in front of him. "Hello!" I grinned and waved cheerfully. "Rin missed you all and came to visit! I will not be long!"
This hurts.
My smiles are often fake. I chatter in order to drown out the silence that scares me, and I smile in order ignore the pain in my heart. In hopes that if I keep smiling on the outside, I can make myself feel that way for real.
But this...this is the first time it's been this difficult to keep my mask on.
Lord Sesshomaru followed me silently as I walked up to a certain crumbled hut and walked in. There was almost nothing inside. The walls were empty save a bunch of bugs that crawled all over them. To the corner on the right, a dusty old sword inside a leather sheath had been laid to rest.
"No one is perfect." I declared as I walked up to the raggedy sword and touched its sheath. "Rin should've remembered that; I mean, I had blood on my hands once too."
My Lord's eyes widened a little bit; I giggled to cover up my apprehension. I don't blame him though. No one would've suspected that sweet little Rin had ever killed someone.
"When the bandits were attacking my parents, I was hiding. I was scared for my life, so I had my daddy's sword right here with me." I started explaining. "After they killed my parents, they all left except for one. One bandit stayed behind to take whatever belongings we had. He...he came really close to my hiding place."
I gulped and let go of the sword. This was not an easy memory for me to recall. I grabbed my Lord's hand, and luckily, my fear began to fade away.
"And then he opened the door to the closet I was hiding in...and I couldn't take it anymore. Part of it was out of fear of what he'd do to me now that he'd found me; part of it was anger at what he and his friends had done to me. I didn't know how to use a sword, but I took it out and I just...went crazy with it." I sighed. "I must have stabbed him like a thousand times. Once, I stabbed him in the eyes, and an eyeball popped out. After that I got freaked out, looked at the blood on my hands, and I just...I just ran."
"...Rin." I heard my Lord say my name.
"And then when I returned, the other kids were kinda shocked and scared about what happened and didn't know how to react, I guess. So...they did what people do when they're scared of something because they don't understand it. They alienated me." I closed my eyes. The urge to spill my heart out overwhelmed me.
I am not going to be here much longer. Lord Sesshomaru deserves to know who I really am.
"Every time I would speak, it always resulted in them mocking me. Every single time. So, I really didn't like to talk because it would always result in something bad. And I talked less and less...until one day, I stopped talking completely. I didn't want to talk and have them make fun of me. And I got used to it...I stayed silent for so long, that after a while, I forgot how to speak again."
Then I turned to him with a smile. "That is, until I met you. I could talk without getting made fun of. It was okay for me to talk now. So I tried my best to remember how to talk, and eventually, I remembered. And so I kept talking, and now I never shut up."
I giggled. "Although Master Jaken did criticize me, he never mocked me the way the kids did. It was very different. From him, it was more of...casual comments. He was honest, but not intentionally mean."
My Lord's eyes hardened at the mention of his late servant. Of course, it'd be foolish of me to think that Master Jaken's death did not affect Lord Sesshomaru as much as it hurt me. He was just less expressive about it.
The next place we visited was my parents' graves. I had made many flower arrangements during my stay with Kagura, and I laid them out carefully.
"Rin wasn't always so cheerful and talkative." I said to no one in particular, but Lord Sesshomaru seemed to be listening. "I dont know when I started doing this, but that's my way of coping. I cope with feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear and worry by acting really happy and pretending that nothing's wrong. I guess I was kind of hoping that if I acted that way on the outside, then it would in turn, make me feel the same way on the inside." I sighed. "But it doesn't work that way, does it, daddy?"
I knelt down in front of my father's grave. "I talk a lot to cover up my fear of silence. I smile to cover up sadness. I pretend to be alright so I can somehow make myself believe that what I seem like on the outside is really how I am on the inside. But daddy, I don't think I need to do that anymore."
Smiling, I put one more flower on my father's grave.
Though the hole they left in my heart will never close, with the newfound place in my heart Lord Sesshomaru and Master Jaken have, I can move on from the pain of that empty space and find happiness.
I turned around, looked my Lord in the yes, and smiled a genuine smile. "Lord Sesshomaru? Mom and Dad say thank you."
I had one more person I wanted to see. Moriko.
Lord Sesshomaru seemed a bit reluctant about this, but he flew me there anyway. Nervously, I knocked on her door.
"Rin...?" She exclaimed when she came out. "What are you doing here? And-with him?"
Her eyes drifted to Lord Sesshomaru; I can understand. I embraced her in a tight hug, trying to calm her down.
"Rin? What the-?"
"Shh." I toned my voice down to a whisper. "He's not ready to say it, but he is sorry. That isn't who he is now. And I am sorry. Sorry for doubting you, it must have hurt so much."
"Sorry?!" Moriko pushed me away. "Are you serious?! You think a little 'sorry' can make up for something like killing my father?!"
"I-" I was about to say something, but then I noticed the person standing behind her.
No.
Not him. He's one of them.
Why now? Why now, when I was about to try to justify my own behavior towards the same situation? If this his how Moriko felt when she first saw Lord Sesshomaru...I can't believe she didn't just run away.
Can I do the same?
"Hello?" She waved a hand in front of my face. "Rin? Are you in there?"
I gulped. "Moriko, who is that?"
"Oh, him?" Her expression brightened. "He's my foster father. He took me in after my father was killed. Why, do you know each other?"
The man in question turned to see me. Once he recognized me, he dropped the books he'd been holding. "I-it's you..."
He knows me. I recognizes me. I remember him-I remember listening to him make my mom and dad scream, and then silence their screams with his blade.
"Huh?" Moriko seemed puzzled beyond belief. "What's going on?"
I stood closer to Lord Sesshomaru, biting my lip. I can do this. I can't keep running away because sooner or later, I'll come to a dead end. Then where would I go? "Moriko...he-he was one of the bandits who killed my parents."
"...What?" Moriko whispered, taking a step backwards. "...You..."
"Do you understand now, why it was so hard for me to believe you?" I said to her gently. "I was still wrong, but please, try to understand."
Just then, Lord Sesshomaru growled quietly and cracked his knuckles like he does when he's getting ready to tear someone apart with his claws. I stepped in front of him.
He looked at me in confusion, but nonetheless, put his claw back down. But the look in his eyes made it clear that if he saw something he didn't like, he would kill the man.
Carefully and slowly, I approached the man.
"Child..." he breathed out. "What is your name?"
"Rin." I answered. "And yours?"
"Kiyoshi." He sighed. "I remember you. I remember what I did to you."
"So...so it's true?" Moriko muttered.
"Yes. Yes, it's true. I was a bandit in the past." He cleared his throat. "Please, at least allow me to explain myself. Child, I did you so wrong."
I nodded. He was hanging his head, scrunching up his face.
"Back then, I had lost everything. My wife, my kids, my home...they'd all been destroyed in a large fire. I had no money. No way to survive. The life of a bandit offered me food, clothing, and anything I might need to stay alive." He sighed. "At that point, I was desperate, so I joined a group of bandits. I didn't plan to stay with them for long. Just until I saved enough money to get back up on my feet."
Kiyoshi sat down, rubbing his temples. "We survived the only way we could; by stealing. But obviously the owners of the place are not going to give you anything for free, and they're not going to let you steal from them without a fight. So...many times, we ended up having to kill. It was then that I knew I couldn't do this for too long. Your family was our last...raid."
I swallowed. I felt tense.
"Your parents were the type who fought us. They wouldn't let us steal from them, and so...we killed them. Soon after, we learned that they had a child...and the child had been orphaned." He looked at me. "I guess that was you, huh? Anyway, by then, I couldn't take it anymore. I was sick of this life-having to kill to survive, all the guilt weighing down on me day to day...I had saved up enough money to go to a new village and get a respectable job there. And so, I left the life of a bandit, came here, settled down, and took in Moriko."
Everyone was silent until Moriko broke down crying. "That...that is no excuse. I'm sorry, Rin."
"...I know." Kiyoshi hung his head. "I know. It may have been so that I could survive, but nothing can change what I've done. You must have hurt so much. Please, child. Do with me what you want."
My eyes widened. What was he saying?
"...Rin, it's okay. He deserves it." said Moriko. "Go ahead, I won't hold it against you. You have every right in the world to avenge your parents."
"I see you have a demon friend with you." Kiyoshi spoke. "Please, go on ahead. If you would like, have him kill me. I owe you this much."
Lord Sesshomaru looked at me questioningly; I met his eyes, and shook my head no. Then to everyone's shock, I walked up to Kiyoshi and embraced him in a tight hug.
"It is okay. Rin is okay. You are forgiven." I let go of him and smiled. "Rin does not want you dead. Rin wants you to be happy. Keep on living your life the best you can."
Kiyoshi stared at me with his mouth wide open. "...Child...!"
"Rin, are you crazy?!" Moriko was saying. "Why would you do that? Don't you feel bad about your pa-"
I cut her off by giving her a big hug. Then I stepped back and looked her in the eyes. "Moriko. If you can't forgive the people who did you wrong, then you will become exactly like them, and continue the cycle."
"Rin...?"
"This is a cycle, Moriko." I replied. "It could start out with one mistake. The person takes revenge, not knowing that they had just done the same thing they were upset at the other person for doing. And now, the other person's family is upset. They want revenge and they're holding a grudge, so they get their revenge by using the same methods their enemy used. But now, the person they killed has allies, and now those allies want revenge. And they, too, become exactly like their enemies. It keeps on going like that, and it's a cycle."
Moriko stopped crying. "I-"
"Unless someone decides to not be like everyone else and decides to forgive-and not commit the same sins the other person did by taking revenge-the cycle will never end. I am ending the cycle. It's not gonna go on like this." I smiled. "All I ask of you is that you do the same for Lord Sesshomaru."
Her eyes darted toward my Lord.
"Don't let things continue the way they are. It will only result in more pain for everyone. Please. Forgive Lord Sesshomaru."
To my surprise, this time, Moriko was the one who hugged me. "It's easier said than done. But I will try, Rin. I promise that I will."
In this way, I think I have stopped another retaliatory war from breaking out and destroying even more lives. I think that was the best thing I could've done with my last days alive.