InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Paradigm Shift ❯ Pressure ( Chapter 10 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Paradigm Shift

Chapter Ten: Pressure

… … …

It was blessedly quiet in the stables. Sesshomaru stopped at the entrance and gestured her forward, but she didn't move from his side. Her shoulders shook as she tried to repress her sobs. She didn't do a very good job.

"There is no-one to hear you here, Kagome." He said to her softly. She hung her head and tears fell from her even as she shook with the stubborn refusal to let any more cries or sobs come from her.

"You're here." She replied brokenly. She stood in front of him without looking away from the sodden floor at her feet and reached out one hand to grasp the index and middle fingers of his hand in her fist.

"I am."

"Why are you here, Sesshomaru?"

He shook his hand slightly, trying to dislodge her from his fingers as he stepped around her and into the stables. He sighed, resigned to being accosted. As he walked, Kagome readjusted her grip so that she could walk with him into the darkness, sliding her hand around to hold his hand properly. He didn't wrap his hand around hers in return or acknowledge the gesture, but he didn't try to remove her again, either. They stopped in front of a beautiful black stallion.

"We are here." He shook his hand again. She gripped tighter, and he sighed. He curled his thumb around her knuckles and lifted their hands to rest on the stallion's silky neck. He rubbed the back of her hand across its coat. "Because sometimes you need to talk to someone who will not judge you. Who cannot judge you."

She started as the horse shook his head and snorted at her, but released Sesshomaru and replaced her palm on its neck as it calmed. Her other hand came up to scratch its nose.

"I imagine that your taijiya takes comfort from her feline in the same matter."

"Kirara is smarter than a horse though. She can understand what Sango talks to her about."

"Indeed. Ah-Un is very similar in that regard. It stands that they do not have the same capacity to relate to someone in need."

"I guess." She stood there for what seemed like seconds but could have been hours, before looking back at his pale figure.

"You didn't answer my question." He pointed to the stallion.

"That's not what I meant."

Kagome looped her arms around the soft neck of the horse and rubbed her cheek against his.

"Why are you here?" She asked again. "Why do you care now, all of a sudden? Why did you decide to come with us, like that?"

"You."

"Me?" She spun to face him, shocked. "What..?" Her conversation from the afternoon before invaded thoughts.

""What's that about anyway? He's being so weird"

""You don't know why?""

"It's more accurate to call him protective.""

""… … implications to his station… …""

"This is about me and Kouga telling you about the panther youkai?"

"Yes and no. My presence with you, here, is very similar to my presence in Rin's life."

Her face scrunched up in confusion.

"I don't get it."

Kagome felt the stress and excitement of the past weeks weighing in her, and she just wanted to go to sleep for days; alone, in her room. She needed a break from all of this intensity. She just wanted it to stop. Everything was so much simpler before she had made that fateful decision to be responsible.

Sesshomaru placed his hand on her back again, steering her to the end of the row and into the last stall. He handed her yellow, worn out, backpack and lifted Ah-Un's saddle and its burdens onto his shoulder.

Kagome followed him back they way they had come, perplexed.

"Rin came to me while I was injured. When Inuyasha took my arm. I was, as you might imagine, rather perturbed at that time. The wound was fresh and painful. Still, the girl only showed me compassion and kindness; though I did my best to deter her efforts."

Kagome scrubbed at the itchy, tight skin on her cheeks where her tears had dried, listening intently. She had only known the little girl for a short time, but the story definitely sounded like something she'd expect from her.

"Rin tried to help me in the only ways that she knew how. She was unaffected by the warning of the violence that I presented to her, only seeking to give me comfort and aid."

Kagome nodded to herself as she listened. They rounded the corner and the main house was in sight. She could see the subject of his story dangling from one of Ah-Un's steady necks. Shippou was sitting on the other head, laughing at her.

"Kagome."

She made a noise of acknowledgment, still watching the playing trio and the two servant girls nearby.

"Stop and look at me, Kagome."

"Eh?" She did as he asked, a little dazedly from her emotional exhaustion. He was a few paces behind her as he forged ahead.

"Rin tried to save my life in the only way that she was able." Kagome nodded. "You tried to save my lands and everyone who lives in them, and myself, with your warning."

She gaped at him.

"I…

"While neither of you stopped to consider the implications of your actions, I'm sure,"

""You don't understand the implications to his station…""

"I do not take those implications lightly. That you would put yourself in the position where you now stand; it demands my respect, my consideration, and my reciprocation. Your message could either prevent or ease dissensions in my territory. It is not an action that I can simply let pass, Kagome."

Kagome was at a loss for words. As the full impact of her split-second decision seeped into her mind, she was stunned. None of it had occurred to her at the time, or after. She had just latched onto a feeling of wrongness and done her best to set it right.

"Oh."

"Oh, indeed."

Kagome dropped her backpack and ran to him, trying to wrap her arms around him in a hug.

Unfortunately, her cheek bounced off of his chest plate, the spikes narrowly missing her.

"Ow." She still did her best to hug him. "Thank you." She said.

"Why do you persist to thank me without reason?"

"There's a reason."

"I am simply upholding my honor, Kagome."

She shook her head and looked up into his face intently, and put her little hands around the spikes that had nearly impaled her.

"No! I mean, yes, but… thank you. For making me feel like something about me… is important to someone."

"Inuyasha…." He sighed. "Is an idiot, Kagome."

Sesshomaru decided to humor her, and bent over to place his arm behind her knees, lifting her up. She readily took the opportunity and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You are undeniably infuriating. Rin has never sought this level of physical attention." Despite his words, his face fell to her neck, and his nose ran back and forth over her skin.

"Yeah, well, you're acting like a dog so I'm allowed to act clingy."

"I am a dog, miko."

"And I'm needy. Deal with it, it's your problem now."

He set her down abruptly and raised an eyebrow at her. She giggled.

"So. This all means that you're going to be protecting me from now on, like Rin?"

"Hm."

Kagome jogged back to her fallen bag, scooped it up, and ran toward the steps of the main house. She scooped Rin up and twirled her cackling little body in a circle.

… … …

As the sun began to wake and stretch its arms to push aside the darkness, the group tiredly readied themselves to set out. Lord Kuranosuke was warned about the shade, and how it would reappear if given time to regain its strength. He was told about how he needed to find what the bear youkai was using to ground itself and keep itself from true death. He was thanked for his hospitality, and his insistence on payment; though they had not been the one who had rid the compound of the malevolent spirit in the end.

Aki and Chiyo were thanked for all that they had done to make them comfortable.

Sango was pulled away for another private conversation with Lord Kuranosuke.

Miroku was sitting on the steps, leaning against his shakujo and falling asleep.

Kagome, Rin, Shippou, and Kirara were huddled together in the circle of Ah-Un's legs, covered with a blanket and trying to sleep.

Inuyasha was hiding from the resident healer.

Kouga and Sesshomaru, however, were standing near the gates, talking.

"I'd like to know how you did that." Kouga said, fixated on Kagome's relaxed face.

"I did nothing other than tell her the truth."

"Well, whatever you said to her, it snapped her out of the mood she was in pretty damn fast."

As they observed, Kagome gave a pleased sigh and pulled Shippou tighter against her chest, turning onto her side. The motion jarred rin, and her she slipped down, ending up almost completely laying on top of Kagome. Kirara slipped off her perch on Rin's head, jumped onto her back and pawed at Rin's shoulders before settling at the pinnacle of their little pile.

"I must return to the west, shortly." Sesshomaru gave his full attention to the wolf as he spoke. "You need to as well."

Kouga grimaced at the reminder.

"I do need to. The wolf tribes were in an uproar before I left. The western packs are hesitant to accept us into their ranks as easily as I had hoped."

"Yet you left them?"

"They'll fight it out and get over it without me there. It's how we are." Kouga waved a dismissive hand. "The western prince and I have settled matters and we expect everyone to calm down soon, anyway."

"That is… reassuring." The tone in Sesshomaru's voice suggested that he was anything but reassured.

"You taking Kagome with you?"

"I expect you to inform prince Kazuo that he is to accompany you to the Western Hall."

"Yeah. I'll tell him that we're all gathering."

"What do you know of the Panther Tribe? As I was aware, they resided near your previous settlement."

"Not much, really. They kept to themselves. There aren't many more of them than what we saw a few weeks ago. Maybe a dozen of them in all? They didn't pick many fights with other clans in the east, but they're strong. My pack had a run-in with one of them, once. The stinkin' cat ran off after pissing us off, and then some of them tried to attack us that night."

"Opportunistic of them."

"Yeah."

… … …

They had left Kuranosuke's compound about an hour ago. It was raining again. After all of the reds and pinks in the sky at sunrise, nothing but grey could be seen above their heads now. When Kagome's foot sank, ankle deep, into a puddle that turned out to be much deeper than she had estimated and her left shoe filled with water, she reached her limit.

Everything had been non-stop chaos for weeks, she was trying to adjust to too many new shifts in the normal that was her life in this ear, and the people in it. Her body was tired and sore and her emotions had been toppling her head over heels since it all started. Sesshomaru was being possessive. Inuyasha was being distant. Sango was preoccupied and couldn't listen to more than her first sentence when she tried to talk to her. Miroku was Miroku. She needed a break. She wanted quiet. She needed a real bath and time to think and process and it was almost her birthday and graduation was soon and she has worked hard to graduate and it was hell and there had beenappeals and she felt like hell... and… and… she wanted to go home.

"Inuyasha!" She yelled, hands balled at her sides.

"What!"

"Take me home!"

"WHAT!? No way! We haven't found any shards since you've been here!"

"I've been here over a month! I want to see my family and I have things to do!"

Sango sighed at the familiar argument, and let Kirara down so that she could phase into her larger form. She didn't blame Kagome for wanting to go home, she wouldn't mind a break either. They hadn't searched non-stop like this in a long time, and she could use some time to make repairs to her suit and armor.

"We could all use some time to get back up to par, Inuyasha. Kaede's village is only a few days away, let's just take Kagome home and take care of some things while she's gone."

Inuyasha turned to Sango with a glare.

"If she didn't leave all the time, we'd have all of the pieces by now! Nothing that she has back there could be as important as getting the shards before Naraku!"

The chunk of the Shikon twisted around in Kagome's fingers as her anger started to fade, and the hurt from Inuyasha's words washed over her. It felt like he was getting more and more single-minded, focusing in on the shards. Their conversations were few and far between, lately and when they did talk, he was distant or terse with her.

She could understand it a little, what with Kouga and Sesshomaru getting on his nerves, the weather forcing them to stop constantly, and Kikyo.

She knew that she would never measure up to Kikyo in his eyes. He could barely separate them in his mind. Kagome would always be the one that came after. After Kikyo loved Inuyasha and Inuyasha loved her. After Kikyo died. After the jewel. Always one step behind the important things.

"I should pay a visit to Mushin's Temple. Check-in on the old drunk."

"I have business in the Western Hall that needs to be attended to."

Kagome wondered whether she should just have asked Sesshomaru to take her home this time. He seemed to be taking it seriously when he had said that he would protect her. 'That used to be Inuyasha's job. I guess that comes after Kikyo, too.'

She was just too done with dealing with everything right then to work up any indignation when Kouga swept her up into his arms bridal style. The most she could manage was a sigh.

"I can take you home before I go check on my tribe, Kagome. We could be there in time. Less than a day."

"Don't even touch her, bastard!" Inuyasha shouted at him. He was ignored.

"That would be nice, Kouga. Thanks."

"You will stay with your family for at least two weeks while I am in the west." Sesshomaru's matter-of-fact speech patterns didn't usually bother her anymore, but she'd had just about enough of never having a say in anything. She struggled up in Kouga's arms enough to glare at him over one shoulder.

"I'll stay however long I stay, Sesshomaru!"

"No less than two weeks."

"UGH!" She slapped at her kidnapper until he put her down, and marched herself over to him. She huffed and sputtered and the only thing she managed to get out coherently was a strangled, "BULLY!" Maybe he would have taken her more seriously if he wasn't so tall and intimidating… or if she wasn't so small and useless. He bent over her and their noses nearly touched.

"Two weeks."

"You! AHHHHH! Kouga! Take me home!"

… … …

As soon as her foot crossed the threshold, Kagome was in heaven. Dropping her bag felt like she was just tossing all of the stress from the past few weeks of insanity on the floor. She was tempted to stomp on it. She was swept into a tight embrace by her mother and it was exactly what she needed. Warm and familiar. She sighed into the hug, finally feeling relaxed.

"Hi mama."

"Welcome home, sweetie."

"Thanks. It's good to be back."

Kagome was forced into a chair at the table in the kitchen, and watched contentedly as her mom bustled about the place. When a bowl a fresh, sliced fruit and whipped cream was set down, her mother dropped into the chair next to her.

"I was starting to worry about you, Kagome! You've been gone a long time, this time."

"I'm okay mama. I think the days just started blurring together and I lost track."

The older woman nodded sagely and plucked a strawberry from the bowl, mirroring her daughter.

"So what in the world have you been up to for the last five weeks?"

The strawberry stopped on its sinful journey.

"Eh?"

"Oh! That reminds me!" An envelope was pulled from the nearby counter and pushed across the table into Kagome's waiting hands.

"What's this?"

"Your diploma came in the mail a few days ago! You made it! All that Higurashi stubbornness."

"I missed graduation?"

"Oh! No, sweetie. They just mail the official diplomas out early. The letter said so."

Kagome bit her strawberry in half and chewed as she laid her upper half across the surface of the table. Can't she escape the heart attacks here, either?

"Wait.. did you say five weeks?"

"Mhm. You haven't stayed in the feudal era for so long since you were fifteen. Grandpa, Souta and I were getting really worried."

"Sorry. I didn't realize it had been that long. I thought I'd been gone for almost four. The days really did blur together with everything that's happened."

"Why don't you tell me about it?"

"After a shower?"

… … …

The loose thread in her pajama pants was utterly fascinating. That's why she wouldn't look at here mother sitting there next to her on her big, soft, warm, welcome, clean bed. Maybe she would just fluff this pillow and have mercy on the thread. She'd missed the pillow and it should be feeling neglected.

"You really have had quite the adventure, dear. This Kouga boy is the one that's been asking you to marry him for so long?"

"Yeah."

"What does you Inuyasha have to say about all of this?"

"Not much. He doesn't have much of anything to say at all lately."

"Ah. His brother is with you now too? I thought you said that they don't get along."

Kagome laughed, despite the frustration of trying to tell her mother about what had been happening in the past, without telling her what had been happening in the past. She knew her mom would worry no matter what, but at least she didn't have to know about the near death experiences and overly affectionate encounters that her daughter went through when she was away.

"They still don't get along."

Kagome curled her fingers around the corners of her pillow, not knowing what to say. Or not knowing what she could say without making her mother call someone to drive a bulldozer over the well.

"Well, your birthday is almost here. Would you like to spend it with your friends?"

"But mama! I just got back!"

"Oh, dear. I was… talking about your friends from school, here."

Kagome flushed and hid her face in her pillow. Nowhere was safe, it seemed. She was doomed to watch everything around her blow up into some alternate reality, and she was helpless to stop it.

Could she even really call Ayumi, Eri and Yuke her friends anymore? How can you be friends with someone who knows nothing about you or your life? Not that she knew anything about theirs…

… … …

Her birthday flew by in no time. It wasn't particularly happy. Sure, she had a good time being with her family and she smiled and said thank you at all the right times…but …what did it really matter that she was eighteen now? She didn't get a licence to dive when the time had come around, she wasn't going to put in any applications for a job, and now she was surrounded by presents from the people that she loved most… all practical for hiking through the wilderness five hundred years ago.

This is where her life had led her?

She wondered whether she would have been happier if she had never pulled that arrow from Inuyasha. What kind of person would she be now? Would she have kept up good grades, stayed at the top of her class, maybe be looking into prestigious universities, now?

Would the stability be worth the boring?

What if she just decided to stay here?

She knew she wouldn't.

… … …

Graduation seemed empty to her. Mostly, she was just glad that it was over and she wouldn't have to make up excuses to awkward questions anymore.

… … …

The brand new lavender backpack that Souta had given her was filled up with everything that she thought she needed, and she sat on the lip of the well in a pair of jeans. The heavy boots that Grandpa had given her felt too heavy. Everything felt too heavy.

She shifted and let herself fall into the stream of light.