InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ People Involved ❯ In your own words ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inuyasha… but you already knew that.

People Involved

Ch. 5

By Lara Winner

The first the thing I noticed as I awoke was the acrid smell of chemicals that can only be found in a hospital. Awareness of everything else came in degrees. It felt as if I was at the end of a long tunnel far removed from physical sensation. I could hear the murmur of voices but couldn't make out the words. I felt heavy and weighed down. I don't think I could've moved if I tried.

Then came the pain.

It started as a vague throbbing centered in my limbs, but as the tunnel effect faded so did the numbness filling me. All to quickly by body became one consistent ache that intensified with every breath and radiated though my body with every heartbeat.

My mind couldn't process anything beyond that. As it was it took me forever to muster the strength and concentration to open my eyes. When I did I found my mother hovering over me in earnest. She teared up and smiled as I croaked, "Mama?"

"Its okay baby. I'm here." She smoothed my hair gently and gave me kiss on the brow just like she use to when I was a little.

Knowing she was near calmed me and as the darkness started to swallow me again. My mind was too confused to make sense of anything but simple comfort and right now I wanted my mother.

"Don't leave me." I whimpered.

"Sshh.. Get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

I knew she'd keep her promise and just trying to regain consciousness had drained me, so I didn't try to fight as sleep claimed me.

I spent the next two days drifting in and out of wakefulness, or so I was told. I don't remember much of it, just snippets here and there. They said it was the heavy doses morphine that made my head feel as fuzzy as a cotton ball. I didn't mind too much. As long as it kept the pain at bay.

But by third day my dosage was lowered and the waking world came imploding back into my black hole. It was then I began to remember the accident. I asked about Kouga and was relieved to hear that, while he suffered the brunt of the collision, he was doing well and expected to make a full recovery. I was given a checklist of my injuries. Minor head trauma, multiple fractured ribs, a ruptured spleen that had to be removed, a punctured lung and considerable blood loss due to internal bleeding. Then I was commended by my doctor for wearing my seat belt and told rather bluntly that I would be dead if I hadn't.

It was almost a week before I was allowed out of bed. Even then my movement was limited and I had to be assisted wherever I needed to go. It was pretty much to the bathroom and then right back to bed. That was all the excitement I was permitted to have.

By the end of the second week I was nearly back to my old self again. Everyday that passed I regained more mobility and I'd taken to walking to the nurses station and back to my room so I could rebuild by strength. My goal was to attend graduation but even I knew that was pushing it.

Kouga came to visit me one afternoon. He was confined to a wheelchair due to hospital policy but I had the feeling he was having a blast with it. He looked rather funny wearing a cast on one leg but luckily nothing was irreparably damaged and he could return to the track field as long as he gave himself proper time to heal. He also filled me in on the current situation involving the accident.

The idiot that hit us was driving under the influence of alcohol and, according to the police report, this was his third DWI charge. The guy's license had been suspended and the truck he was driving was not his. That pissed me off but when Kouga showed me the pictures of the car I almost broke down. Looking at the mangled pile of metal made me realized just how bad it was.

The truck had made impact on the driver's side and momentum behind the collision had careened Kouga's car into the telephone poll a few feet away. No body told me they had to cut us out of the twisted car. No body told me that Kouga flat lined twice during surgery either.

But in the end he faired out better than I did. Being youkai gave him the advantage of quick healing and he was set to go home five days before I was.

My stay in the hospital wasn't really that bad. I had visitors coming in and out constantly. I got flowers and cards from practically half the school. My room turned out to be the cheeriest one on the fifth floor.

Yet despite it all, the one thing that made me the happiest was that Inuyasha was there the entire time. Everyday he'd come straight from school and he wouldn't leave until the nurses kicked him out around nine. He even stayed on the weekends. But with family and friends popping in and out there was never really any time for us to talk, or to even be alone for that matter. I also noticed that Itsuki was no where around.

I wanted to ask him about that, among other things. There was a lot that needed to be said between us but it was easy to overlook it because for the first time in weeks I felt like I had my best friend back.

~ ~ ~ ~

I knew it was too good to last. At some point Inuyasha and I were going to have to talk about us. We finally got the chance when my Mom left to go check on everyone at home late Friday evening. Then it was just the two of us, alone.

I was sitting up in bed using the tray table as a makeshift desk as I reviewed copies of his notes for the final exams that I was going to take as soon as my doctor released me. He was sitting in the cushy chair beside my bed, nose buried in a sports magazine. It was hard enough to concentrate on schoolwork when what I really wanted to do was lie down and watch television, but having him so close and yet so far away made it even worse.

So I give up on studying and content myself with him instead.

"What are you reading?" I ask, leaning forward to try and see the cover of the magazine.

"Ten tips for the perfect golf swing." He replies.

"But you don't play golf." I remind him.

"I might be thinking about it though."

I sit up a little straighter. "You don't have the patience for golf."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're a hockey kind of guy. You know, a sport where it's natural for you to pick a fight with your opponent. You can't do that in golf."

"Says who?" Finally he lifts his eyes from the page, but only to glare at me.

"See, you're doing it right now. You're subconsciously trying to antagonize me. That's a sure sign of restrained aggression. You need to find a healthy way to release it. That's why you'll do well in a sport with lots of hands on contact."

Inuyasha bursts out laughing and only then do I realize that he's taken what I said in an entirely different context than I had intended. I roll my eyes. "I am not referring to sex."

"Hey you said it."

"Is that all you think about?"

He smirks. "Usually."

We haven't teased each other like this in a while and it feels good to laugh with him. But we're both well aware of the direction this conversation has taken and I try to change the subject.

"I want to thank you for staying with me. I know you must be bored out your mind cooped up in here."

"Its no big deal. That's what friends do." But he says it so casually that I'm not sure he means it.

It's now or never. If I want to know how he feels then we need to have this conversation.

"Are we?" I ask hesitantly. He gives me a strange look. "Friends, I mean?"

For a second something unreadable enters his eyes but then it's covered by anger as he snaps, "That's a stupid fucking question!"

"I don't think it is. Not when you take into consideration how you've been blowing me off lately." I'm trying to stay calm but I afraid the depth of my hurt is creeping into my voice. "At first I thought you were busy. I wanted to give you space if that's what you needed. But I tried calling you three times and every time you didn't want to be bothered. How else am I supposed to take that?"

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe you called at a bad time?" He growls.

"Then why couldn't you call me back later." I point out.

Suddenly he stiffens and his hands grip the arm rests sinking his claws into the cushioning. "Because every time I turned around you were with shithead! Maybe I didn't want to interrupt anything since he's fucking glued to you!"

That is so not fair… "It's not like that and you know it."

"The fuck it isn't! I'd need a crowbar to fucking pry him off of you!"

Inuyasha is damn close to shouting as he rises to his feet and takes to pacing angrily beside my bed. His reaction only makes me spiteful, so I goad. "And what's it to you? You have a girlfriend remember."

"You still didn't have to rub it in Kagome."

"I wasn't trying to rub anything in. I'm sorry but Kouga is my friend and I'm not going to ask your permission to associate with him."

"And that's another thing." He says, ignoring me. "You never bothered to tell me about it! I had to figure it out when I stopped by your house and saw his car out front. And after the shit you gave me about Itsuki… fuck Kagome! That was like a slap in the face!"

I don't know why I feel the need to explain when I'm the one that got pushed aside, but the words are already tumbling forth. "Kouga has only been to my house twice Inuyasha. Prom night and when I asked him to come over and help me put together a new bookshelf I got for my room. It was completely innocent. If you hadn't been treating me like I had the plague I would have called you instead."

Inuyasha stops pacing and folds his arms angrily. "Innocent? Innocent doesn't explain why he's always kissing you and you're always holding hands Kagome!"

This is one of those times when I wish I could grab him by the shoulders and shake some common sense into him. But since I can't… "I'm not going out with Kouga. We are not a couple and never have been." I poke my finger into his chest. "So I don't know what the hell you've got stuck in that hard head of yours but the truth is there's nothing going on and, I repeat, there never was."

"You can't expect me to believe that. I know what I saw." He snarls.

Frustration explodes inside of me. "For goodness sake Inuyas-"

I'd like to scream but instead I double over as pain comes tearing across my middle. I can't rant and rave like I want because I'm still too sore to get this worked up. I almost find it amusing how quickly Inuyasha's anger shifts to concern. Before I can begin to uncurl and sit back he's already pushed the table away, got the bed rail down and is pulling me into his arms

I press my face into his neck as my feelings for him surpass the hurt and anger. I'm beginning think I might be in love with him. That has to be why I'd give anything to have him hold me like this more often. I need to be close to him. I can't say why, I just do.

Once the pain eases I lift my arms and wrap them loosely around his waist going as far as my IV allows. He's petting my hair awkwardly because he's not all that familiar with comforting but its gets the job done and its sweet all the same.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and enjoy the unique scent of his skin. "I missed you."

I hadn't meant to say it out loud but I can hear the smug grin in his voice when he replies, "Ditto."

I don't want us to fight again so I make another confession. "I'm really glad you're here."

"I think I'm the one who should say that." He teases but it's only to cover the importance of what he wants to say, I can tell by the edge in his voice. "You know, you scared the fuck out of me."

"It scares me too. When I think about it." Which is why I don't but since we're on the subject I decide to ask something I've been wondering. "How did you find out about the accident?"

"Kikyo."

"She called you?"

"Yeah. She told me what happened but when I asked her how bad it was she wouldn't tell me shit over the phone. When I got here you were still in the operating room."

"Operating room?" I blink in surprise. "You mean you came the night it happened?"

"Yeah so?" he counters defensively. "I knew something was up when you didn't show at Rin's. At first I thought you'd gone off with shithead so I tried your cell but you didn't answer. After the tenth time I started to get worried because you always answer your phone. Then your sister got a hold of me and when she told me about the accident I sorta freaked. Sango tried her best to calm me down and Miroku wouldn't let me drive so they came with me..."

He trails off embarrassed so I poke him in the side none too gently and tease, "Putting you behind the wheel when your freaking out is not a good idea."

He tries to squirm away. "It was your fault. I was stressed out because of you."

"Yeah blame the poor girl in a coma." I joke.

I'm taken back by the horrified look on his face as he scolds, "That is not funny Kagome."

I want to tell him that I have to laugh about it because if I don't I'm only going get depressed and drive myself crazy. I know just how close I came to dying and that made me realize that life is far too short. But Inuyasha's thoughts are going down a different path and his next question is a bit unexpected.

"So where the hell did Kouga take you?"

I was hoping he would forget to ask me that but I guess I can't have everything. Bracing myself for another eruption of his temper, I tell him the truth. "Enoki Park."

There's no need to wonder what he's thinking. He tenses up again and asks bluntly, "Did you fuck him?"

"No."

"Yeah okay. Whatever."

He tries to pull away but I hold onto his shirt so he can't escape that easily. I'm sick of us fighting. We're going to talk about this right now and I'm not letting him run away.

"That question works both ways you know. If you told me you didn't sleep with Itsuki I'd believe you but I not even going to ask because I don't want to know if you did. I told you before. There has never been anything going on between Kouga and me. I don't know what more you want. I can keep saying it till I'm blue in the face but if you're not going to believe a word I say then don't bother to ask questions."

He doesn't respond which means he's either too pissed to speak or he knows I'm right and is tying to think up a good come back. More than likely it's the latter so I try and beat him at his own game by asking, "What's the deal with Itsuki? She's got to be miffed that you're spending all this time here with me."

"Hell if I know." he growls, " I haven't talked to her since the fucking party. I've reached the point where she can go fuck herself. I don't care anymore. I'm fed up with her bullshit!"

He sounds disgusted and I can't blame him, not when he says, "She's never satisfied with anything I do. Its like she's always trying to change me. She complains about the way I dress. She thinks martial arts are a waste of time, but spending seven hours at the mall isn't. Yeah right. She never wants to meet me halfway on anything. Everything is about her and what she wants. She's a spoiled brat and I'm not putting up with her crap."

I pat his back in understanding. "You said the same thing about her last time you two broke up."

"Yeah well this time she really pissed me off. You know she actually had the nerve to leave me a voice mail cursing me out because I left her at the party to come to the hospital. Never mind the fact that somebody very important to me was hurt. Oh no. It was a fucking crisis that I stood her up."

He shakes his head, bemused. "Itsuki's a fucking head case."

I can't help but smile broadly even though I'm a little confused. "I don't get it. If you were so miserable with her the first time around then why did you go back to her?"

"I don't know. It was… she…" he shrugs. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

He scratches his head trying to find the right words but when none are forth coming he looks at me helplessly. "I was using Itsuki to try and figure some stuff out."

When he doesn't elaborate, I lean back to look at him. "What kind of stuff?"

"Just stuff."

"As in…?"

"Damn you're a nosy bitch." He grumbles. But his annoyance is belied by the slight grin he's sporting.

I wink. "Only when it concerns somebody very important to me."

Inuyasha's expression softens and he looks into my eyes searchingly. His walls are starting to come down and intuition tells me that whatever he's about to say is going to be serious.

"You can tell me." I whisper knowing that this can make things better… or worse.

He nods but he's looking inside himself trying to collect his thoughts. Finally he dips his head as his eyes slide closed.

"You and I, we've been close for as long as I can remember Kagome. A lot of times I take that for granted but when it comes down to it, I can't see you the same way I see everybody else. I don't know how to explain it. You're just you. You're not like anybody else I know and that's good because that's what makes you stand out. But at the same it makes it impossible for me to figure out how I feel about you. I've been trying to sort out where we stand and make sense of what the fuck we have going on. But I can't do that when you're in every part of my life. Then there's no place for me to step back and think about this shit."

I know what he's feeling all too well. I'm still a little confused too. To show him that it's okay I tuck my face into his shoulder again. He pulls me a little closer before continuing.

"I needed a distraction. I guess I didn't even realize I was looking for one but Itsuki was there and I went with it. I knew better but she was safe. I didn't have to worry about complicating things with her. There was nothing there to complicate."

"The fucked up part is that it didn't solve anything. The way I am when I'm with you is something different. I'm not the same when I'm with anybody else. You're the only one who lets me be myself. But maybe all that means is that I'm used to you. It still doesn't tell me why I'm attracted to you. Or why I can't get your body out of my head."

For as guarded as he is, sometimes Inuyasha surprises me with the depth of his honesty. A delighted blush heats up my face as I let his words wash over me. All he's admitted is that he desires me but my sister might be right. There may be something more too it that we're only just beginning to realize.

Giving into impulse, I give his neck a tiny kiss. "If it makes you feel better I'm very attracted to you too."

"If you do that again I'm not to be held responsible for my actions. Consider yourself warned."

"Oh really?" I tease doing it again but this time flicking the tip of my tongue against his skin.

"Kagome…"

"Sorry. I'll behave." I promise, crossing my fingers behind his back.

"Yeah right." He mutters, knowing better.

"What's the matter?" I laugh. "Am I getting to you?"

"You don't know the half of it." he whines. There's a blush forming on his cheeks but the amusement dancing in his eyes holds me captive as he says, "You've been turning me inside out for years. Why do you think I suddenly developed an aversion to ice cream when we were thirteen? Because every time I watched you eat the damn stuff I got a hard on. And that was only the beginning of it."

Thirteen?

I'm stunned. He felt the same way I did all these years and I never knew. He hid his desire so well that I couldn't see it. I wish he would've told me. Maybe all of this could have happened a lot sooner. I wonder if we get to make up for lost time?

I start to giggle as my mind conjures a very naughty idea involving a tub of ice cream, chocolate syrup and whipping cream.

My scent must have changed because Inuyasha takes one sniff and his eyes narrow dangerously. The erotic image in my head is scattered to the four winds as he gently pushes me back against the pillows. He leans forward, his amber eyes holding mine with their intensity as he whispers, "You think that's funny? How about I show you what you do to me."

It's amazing how his eyes alone can set my body humming in anticipation of his touch. I give him and insolent smirk. "I already know."

"No you don't." he growls, "You have no fucking idea."

Like with all of his kisses, the minute our lips connect my body arches towards his of its own accord. He being careful not to hurt me but I can't say he's gentle, there too much desire for that. And we're drowning in it.

He's holding me as tightly as he dares and it's still not close enough. My head is spinning but that's nothing compared to the way my heart skips a beat as his tongue teases mine in a sensual rhythm that mimics what our bodies crave. I can't breathe but oxygen isn't important, not when my hands slip under his un-tucked shirt and glide across the smooth contours of back.

I curl my fingers scratching my nails over his warm skin and he hisses against my mouth. Feeling around, he finds the opening in the back of my gown and I whimper as his palm covers my breast, kneading gently.

We knew we couldn't have sex but neither of us were quiet ready to stop when the door suddenly opened followed by a startled gasp that had us bolting apart, guilty blushes staining our faces.

Thankfully it was only one of the nurses. It took her a minute to regain her composure but she only flashed us a knowing smile and said she would return in few minutes. Mortified, I watched her leave the room.

The closing of the door was punctuated by Inuyasha's throaty chuckle. "At least it wasn't your mom."

"Yeah no kidding." I shudder thinking of the scene that would cause.

He drops one more kiss to my lips before moving back to sit in the chair beside the bed. I made a mental note of that new development just as the door opens once again, this time revealing my mother's smiling face. Inuyasha discreetly places the sports magazine in his lap and blushes as I snicker softly.

Noting my good mood, my mother remarks, "Someone looks like she's feeling better."

My smile widens. "I feel wonderful, energized and completely rejuvenated."

"Save it." Inuyasha grouses. "You're still not getting out of here till Sunday."

Ignoring him, I ask my mom, "You know what would make me feel a thousand times better?"

"What's that honey?"

"Ice cream."

A.N. - See I fixed it. Now if I can just get these two crazy kids together... Enjoy!