InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Pretending to Pretend ❯ Chapter 5

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

 

 

Chapter Five

 

 

 

Watching the lights of the city go by, Kagome wished she could tell the butterflies in her stomach to knock it off. She knew she was being ridiculous, and knowing that his youkai hearing would be able to detect the rapid beating of her heart didn’t help her to calm down one bit, either. Fortunately, for her sake, Inuyasha had no idea what actually had her so flustered all of a sudden.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he asked her one last time, since he figured she had to have realized that him offering to give her a ride home was the start of him officially working towards their fake relationship. “It’s not too late to change your mind and keep us ‘only friends’ if that’s what you want,” he assured her. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing.”

 

Don’t feel comfortable…? she thought, amused but knowing better than to express her thoughts out loud. This was a dream come true. Of course, it’s only make-believe. I can’t ever let myself forget that. For her sake as well as his.

 

Especially his.

 

Her heart was going to take some collateral damage during this little exercise, she knew, but it would be well worth it to see that smile on his face. Especially knowing that at least some of the time, the smile was real.

 

“You only surprised me,” she told him then, since that part was definitely true.

 

“Sorry to put you on the spot like that, but you did a great job,” he said then.

 

“You’re certainly keeping me on my toes,” she acknowledged as they pulled up to a red light. “But that was actually a really good idea, offering to take me home like that. Good thinking.”

 

“It just came to me right when I said it. I was hoping Sango and Miroku wouldn’t blow it.”

 

“We all know what’s going on, so it’s not like we were confused, but yeah, that was quick thinking on Sango’s part, immediately playing along like that.”

 

“I owe you guys big time,” he stated honestly. “Once we get through all this, you just name it and it’s yours.”

 

You, Kagome thought, biting her lower lip to keep from blurting it out loud like an idiot. “You know you don’t need to buy me anything,” she answered instead.

 

“Yeah yeah yeah,” he brushed off, playfully not taking no for an answer.

 

The next few minutes of the drive were actually spent discussing he and the others showing up at the Higurashi Shrine this coming Sunday, and at approximately what time, and he also asked her whether or not her family knew what was going on. Not even knowing how her family really felt about the idea of interspecies relationships, Inuyasha wasn’t sure if he should be concerned that they were going to get their hopes up, happy for Kagome to be in a relationship, only to be saddened when they ultimately ‘broke up’, or if they would not approve of the two of them dating and he was running the risk of having her family upset with her unless she spilled the beans about the ruse, and then would they be upset about that?

 

Appreciating his concern but reminding him of how they hadn’t had a problem with him being her friend for the last two years, and so she didn’t really think them ‘dating’ would be an issue, she told him then that while her little brother and grandfather were out of the loop, she had in fact explained the entire situation to her mother.

 

Boy had she.

 

Mrs. Higurashi knew the whole truth. It would’ve been impossible for Kagome to dance around the subject since her mother had already known she was in love with Inuyasha. Back in high school, after having gotten to know him, Kagome had shared with her mother her doubts, her heartache, because she’d believed, she’d known, that Kikyou was no good for him. It had been Mrs. Higurashi who’d asked her daughter directly but gently if she had feelings for Inuyasha, and then Kagome had collapsed into tears, confessing that she loved him so much and how hard it was to see him with Kikyou, although on the other hand, if she made him happy...

 

Feeling sorry for her daughter, Kagome’s mother had told her only that she’d needed to do what she’d felt was right in her heart, and so ultimately Kagome had made the decision to let it go, since she and the others had already warned Inuyasha about Kikyou and he hadn’t wanted to listen. Kagome had known it would be wrong to let him know of her feelings and so she hadn’t, prepared to let him become the one who got away as he happily lived his life with a woman who was only using him for his money. So long as he was happy, that had ultimately been all that’d mattered to Kagome.

 

After his and Kikyou’s breakup, Kagome had discussed with her mother how she knew he needed time, how she understood that now was not the appropriate time to approach him and she needed to remain there for him as a friend while he healed. Mrs. Higurashi had told her daughter how proud she was of her, telling her to be patient because she was a firm believer in all things happening for a reason and that maybe, just maybe, he would come around to liking her on his own. If the four of them continued to hang out together as friends, with Sango and Miroku being as closely involved as Kagome had implied they were, then Mrs. Higurashi had believed it was only a matter of time before Inuyasha noticed what was right in front of him.

 

When Kagome had then hesitantly told her mother about the plan, about how it had been Inuyasha’s idea for them to help him at least pretend to be over his heartache in public because of how Kikyou seemed to be gloating over his misery, and how after he’d commented on maybe finding a woman to pretend to be a new girlfriend she’d volunteered for the position, Mrs. Higurashi had frowned, but had only told her daughter to be careful, and to not be too disappointed if a fairy tale ending of him actually falling in love with her didn’t come to pass. It very well might, but it also might not, and Kagome assured her mother that she understood that.

 

She’d assured her mother that she hadn’t agreed to do it in the hope of Inuyasha actually loving her in the end. She had agreed to do it because she was his friend, and indeed she also believed what she’d said about her being the most believable option in the eyes of their fellow classmates, to most likely make their plan a success. The miko had promised her mother that if Inuyasha truly did only see her as a friend in the end, she was prepared to live with that outcome, and her broken heart, in silence. She was a big girl, and doing this for him was her decision, emotional consequences on her part be damned.

 

Mrs. Higurashi had only told her daughter how proud she was of her, for how mature she was acting. Thankfully, she’d told Kagome enough that the miko could now honestly relay to Inuyasha in that moment some of what her mother had said without it seeming like she was leaving out anything important.

 

“While Grandpa and Souta also know about you and Kikyou breaking up, because I already told everyone back when it’d first happened, I only told Mom about our plan,” she explained. “She told me she was proud of me, for being such a good friend to you in your time of need, so she’s definitely not disapproving of our little game.” Thinking of something else, she added, “I think it would be best if Souta remained in the dark, though. If he knew we were only faking it he might let it slip to one of his friends and then it might work its way back to our school and blow our cover.”

 

“Good idea,” Inuyasha agreed.

 

A lot of students at Tama U had younger siblings either in high school or junior high, as Souta was. He could just envision somebody from college who didn’t approve of their ‘relationship’ talking about it openly with their family once it became public knowledge. He could easily picture someone’s younger brother or sister then thinking to tease Souta about it. “Your sister’s dating a half breed!” they might taunt on the playground. Not that he thought Souta would crack under the pressure and admit their relationship was fake in self-defense. Kagome’s kid brother actually idolized him, for some stupid reason, so he could easily see the boy taking the proverbial bullet and keeping their secret in the face of a tormentor. But if he’d told the secret to a friend, someone he thought he could trust, and then word spread at his school about how his older sister was dating a ‘freak,’ somebody else might think to contradict that story on Souta’s behalf.

 

On the other hand, if Souta himself believed their relationship was real, then any confrontation about it would only confirm the story, as he proudly, and as far as he knew, honestly defended them. It was also possible that instead of sharing the secret of the really cool ‘trick’ they were playing on Kikyou, Souta might actually brag to his closest friends about he and Kagome being an item, and so even if no bullies ever taunted Souta about it at his own school word of it might work its way back up through the siblings where younger junior high students told their college age brothers and sisters what Kagome’s little brother had said.

 

Inuyasha felt a little guilty, using Souta in such a way, but it wasn’t really like they were relying on him to carry out either scenario. It was also just as possible that nobody at his school would hear about it or care one way or the other. It was just a precaution. Letting the boy know the truth was an unknown variable and a risk he’d simply rather not take. Besides, Souta was probably too young to understand the intricacies of a broken heart, and when told the truth about them only faking their relationship he’d probably ask them why, and ask them why they weren’t just together for real instead.

 

Glancing at Kagome in that moment as he navigated the city streets, Inuyasha sighed.

 

“Something wrong?” she asked, which did not earn a forced smile from the hanyou because, one thing he truly appreciated about Kagome, was that he could drop the bullshit cheerful routine whenever they were alone. He just hated the side effect of him letting her see how bummed out he was bumming her out in return. At least her question prevented his mind from dragging him back down into thoughts of Kikyou yet again.

 

“Nothing much,” he answered, before clearing his throat. “I feel kinda bad lying to your brother, but I definitely agree it’s the right thing to do in the grand scheme of things. Or if not the right thing, then definitely the safer thing, at least.”

 

“Yeah,” Kagome agreed.

 

“I was just thinking about how happy our ‘relationship’ will probably make him, and how upset he’ll be when we ‘break up’ later on,” he fibbed, not about to tell his best friend what he’d really been thinking.

 

“I’ll make sure he isn’t too upset,” she assured him then, having already given the matter some thought, herself. “We just need to make sure that everyone believes our breakup is mutual, and that neither of us have a broken heart because of it. We’re simply too good of friends, and we’ll remain friends, after the breakup. So if Souta tries to get angry with you or blame you for anything I won’t let him. I’ll explain to him how sometimes adults can simply fall out of love.”

 

I wish I knew how to make myself really fall out of love with you, Kagome thought as she stole a glance at the hanyou beside her before turning her eyes back to the road ahead. Thinking about it a minute, she amended, On second thought, no I don’t.

 

Even though Inuyasha probably wouldn’t ever love her back, she treasured her feelings for him and she would protect them, always.

 

“What about your grandfather?” he asked her suddenly. This time Kagome was the one grateful for the distraction, since her thoughts had been wandering back into forbidden territory, as well.

 

“He’s never said anything bad about you being my friend, but I honestly don’t know how he’d feel about you ‘dating’ me,” she admitted, emphasizing the word dating with air quotes. “I’ll tell Mom that if Grandpa gets upset over it, like really upset, like he’s going to try to forbid us from seeing each other upset, that she can tell him the truth, but honestly, I don’t really see that happening. He’s the one who first taught me that youkai are just another kind of people created by the kami, after all. He’s not racist.”

 

Inuyasha thought back to when he’d first met Kagome’s family. She’d told him at school one day that they’d wanted to meet him, that she’d talked about befriending him and they’d been curious, plus apparently proud of her for not being racist towards him, herself. He’d been a nervous wreck but had agreed to go to dinner at her house so long as Kikyou, Sango and Miroku came, too. Back then Kikyou had still been acting nice, still hanging out with them more often than not; it had been prior to the others overhearing her say the things they’d told him about and dinner had gone off without a hitch. Thinking back, Kagome’s grandfather certainly hadn’t seemed to have a problem with the fact that his girlfriend had also been a miko, as if he and Kikyou shouldn’t have been together.

 

Well, they shouldn’t have been, but not because she was a miko.

 

In fact, thinking about it, Kikyou’s parents hadn’t had a problem with him, either, but he wondered now how much of the truth Kikyou had told her mother. Theirs was a middle class shrine family just like Kagome’s. Comfortable enough, always enough money to keep the bills paid and keep food on the table, but nowhere near enough extra money to live the life of luxury Kikyou apparently thought she deserved. It made Inuyasha wonder how she’d been raised, since seeking out a rich boyfriend had obviously been her goal from the very beginning. Her mother had probably been willing to overlook his hanyou status the same way Kikyou had been, at least after she’d explained to her his financial situation.

 

Abruptly realizing that he’d somehow managed to start thinking about Kikyou again, after all, his mood souring accordingly as his ears sat turned downward on his head, he sighed again and was grateful when Kagome didn’t ask him what was wrong a second time. She knew. She knew his daily happiness was still at least 80% artificial. Every once in a while they got a genuine smile or laugh out of him, and the arcade had been fun yesterday, but more often than not he still had to drag himself out of bed in the morning, not really feeling like facing the day. He no longer mourned the loss of Kikyou, specifically. He had been telling the truth back when he’d told the others that he no longer loved her and did not want her back. But still he mourned the loss of his happy relationship, just generally speaking. The loss of believing he was loved, and of having someone, anyone, to love in return.   

 

He’d had their future all mapped out in his mind. They were going to take their relationship to the next level, something they’d been building up towards slowly since college began, since they were adults living on their own now, and by the end of summer break he would’ve formally asked Kikyou to marry him. He knew she was a fan of the western custom of engagement rings so he would’ve gotten her the best, most beautiful, most expensive diamond ring he could find. They would’ve enjoyed a long engagement throughout the rest of college, actually getting married after graduation, at which point he would’ve then bought he and Kikyou whatever kind of home she’d wanted to live in while he secured his financial future by assisting his father with the family business.

 

Kikyou, meanwhile, would’ve never needed to lift a finger, and indeed she wasn’t studying anything in particular to assist her with a career goal. Her career goal was landing herself a rich husband, he knew now. At the time, when they’d first taken the entrance exam for Tama University, Kikyou had told him meekly that she didn’t know what she wanted to do with herself besides be a miko at her family shrine, and he’d foolishly assured her that she needn’t worry about a regular job; he’d take care of her.

 

He snorted at the memory, not unaware of Kagome glancing his way again at the sound. The miko currently sitting beside him bit her lower lip, clearly unsure of what to say to cheer him up, or if she should even bother. It was obvious to her that his mind had wandered off again, and one guess in which direction. He met her eyes for a brief moment and offered her a small half smile and nod, silently letting her know that he was okay. She immediately smiled and nodded back, and as he shifted his eyes back to the road again he felt the pressure around his heart lighten up just a little bit at the sight. He hated that his sour mood rubbed off on her so easily, because it pained her to see him in pain. It pained him to see her in pain, too, especially when he knew his own misery was the cause of it. Her face should never be marred by a frown, and he would try his best to make sure he was no longer the culprit who put one there.

 

Thinking about both Kagome and Kikyou a moment, comparing the two miko in his mind, it dawned on Inuyasha that he’d never really felt that same pang with Kikyou, but neither could he honestly remember ever having seen her upset in the first place. Knowing now that she’d been faking her emotions for him the entire time, she’d clearly never thought to reveal any time she might’ve actually been feeling genuinely upset over anything. It was probably one of the first rules in the gold digger’s handbook: always act happy and loving.

 

She sure frowned a lot now, of course, the sight of him acting happy every day at school clearly upsetting to her, which was honestly enough to make his fake smile genuine because seeing her get upset over the simple fact that he wasn’t upset was just about the stupidest thing he’d ever seen. And as far as he knew, she hadn’t successfully landed herself a new boyfriend yet, either. Rumor was she’d dated a few guys but nothing had come of it. Some of the guys on campus were even starting to talk about how pathetic she was, knowing she was a gold digger and wanting nothing to do with her. Sometimes, he loved his demonic hearing.

 

Having to pick up a part-time job as a waitress just to pay her apartment rent probably had something to do with that frown on her face, too, but like he gave a rat’s ass if she’d failed to plan ahead when she’d broken up with him. Had she honestly expected him to keep paying her rent for her after that?

 

Feh, stupid bitch.

 

And she hadn’t added any new classes to her roster for this semester, either, which meant all she’d probably be able to do for her long term career was be a waitress unless she eventually managed to land herself that rich husband she wanted. It was either that or move back home and be a full time miko at her family’s shrine, which he didn’t particularly see as a bad thing but knowing how Kikyou was, she’d probably been hoping for a way to escape that lifestyle.

 

She wasn’t a very good miko, either.

 

The few classes she’d signed up for at Tama University were all for reiki users, and revolved around harnessing and channeling her reiki, like the miko archery class. By her own admission early on in their relationship, Kikyou was an okay shot with the bow when she wasn’t trying to charge the arrow, but creating a purifying arrow took so much concentration that it usually threw off her aim. Inuyasha had tried to tell her, once, what Kagome had often said, about heavy concentration actually making it harder and she should just let it go and just feel, which made perfect sense to him since that was how his own youki worked, but Kikyou had, politely, dismissed the advice as foolish. She’d never seen Kagome in action. Of course, neither had he, but he’d listened to and believed Miroku’s stories. Stories the houshi had only told whenever it’d been the four of them, Kikyou not coming along for whatever it was, and so she honestly had no idea just how good of an archer Kagome actually was.

 

In fact, Inuyasha was suddenly reminded about what Kagome had said that Kikyou had said to her yesterday in the dressing room. He’d overheard Kikyou himself a couple of times recently, as she’d spouted random insults about Sango and Miroku to her gold digging bitch friends. It only made sense that she’d also insult Kagome’s abilities as a miko. She probably wanted to discredit all three of them for taking his side in the breakup.

 

She had only been using him for her own financial gain, after all, so in her eyes that had made it a smart plan on her part, and one she’d bailed on when the time was right. But assuming the three of them actually weren’t using him for his money and were instead genuinely friends with a hanyou, well then, something had to be wrong with them, right? The only possible explanation was that they had to be freaks and losers in their own way, as well, in order to want to associate with the biggest freak and loser of them all, which apparently somehow in Kikyou’s mind also translated as Kagome being a lousy miko. Yet, while Kagome’s career goal was to become a reiki coach for the next generation, and so she was spending college learning how to teach little kids so she’d be able to help them unlock their reiki, Kikyou was actually still learning how to properly handle her own.

 

Inuyasha chuckled quietly at the thought, his ears perking back up as he remembered Kagome’s little improv during judo practice and thought about how it had apparently gotten under Kikyou’s skin. Kagome was definitely the superior miko between the two of them. There was no doubt about that.

 

“Don’t know what you’re thinking about now, but it’s good to hear you laughing again,” Kagome said suddenly, and he grinned at her, his left fang poking out.

 

“Just thinking about how if you and Kikyou actually did get into a miko contest you’d totally kick her ass,” he said.

 

“Maybe so,” Kagome agreed, sounding somewhat amused herself at the notion. “But if we were both given the same math test then I’m sure she’d be the one declaring victory. Different people have different strengths and weaknesses.”

 

“And defending people even when they don’t deserve it is definitely one of your strengths,” he commented.

 

“Oh, I’m not defending Kikyou as a person,” Kagome emphasized then. “I’m just not going to pick on her for having trouble with her reiki when that’s not really her fault,” she explained. “But being a total heartless bitch is totally her fault, and something I can legitimately hate her for,” she finished smugly, grinning wide when Inuyasha barked out surprised laughter at her declaration.

 

“Good point,” he said after a moment, turning on Kagome’s street.

 

Pulling into the parking area for her apartment complex he reiterated, “Again, I owe you one.”

 

Grinning as she grabbed her purse, Kagome replied with, “And again, no you don’t.”

 

Chuckling a little, he shook his head.

 

“Well if I randomly decide to buy you some kind of present, anyway, you better not think of rejecting it,” he said then, his tone of voice playfully stern.

 

Kagome tried to keep her heartbeat and breathing steady as she threw on a teasing smirk and answered with, “I wouldn’t dream of it. That’d be rude, after all.”

 

In actuality, the thought of him buying her a present, any kind of present, really meant a lot to her, but it was also true that she didn’t want to give off the impression of only liking him for his money. That being said, it would be rude to reject his kindness, but saying it in a teasing manner earned her the desired result as he only laughed again, a genuine laugh, as she exited the car. “See you tomorrow,” she said.

 

“If anyone asks, I was a perfect gentleman, merely driving you home,” he replied, hinting that he was once again talking about their grand scheme, the living art exhibition that was their day-to-day life those days.

 

“We could change that if you wanted me to invite you in,” she teased, feeling brave all of a sudden.

 

He chuckled again, a little bit, but then shook his head.

 

“We’d better keep it realistic,” he said, and she didn’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted as she kept her now fake smile plastered firmly in place. It was official. ‘Dropping the routine’ was definitely when she did her most acting.

 

“I’ll make sure to be rightfully flattered by your honorable ways when I see Sango tomorrow,” she assured him then, since they were alone, letting him know that she knew that it was time for her to start ‘confessing’ to Sango about falling in love with him.

 

It had all been prearranged back in his apartment; Sango would know to play along. The hard part was going to be keeping Sango from realizing that she wasn’t faking her love for him as she spoke of such things in the faux privacy of the women’s bathroom, when they weren’t actually alone so as to be overheard. Kagome hoped few well timed winks when nobody else was looking would be enough to throw her off the scent.

 

Inuyasha nodded his understanding to Kagome’s statement. “See you tomorrow,” he said then. “Goodnight.”

 

“Goodnight,” she replied, making her way to her apartment.

 

It was just as well that he stayed in the car, otherwise she would have been tempted to invite him in. But for what? Coffee? She mentally snorted at the absurd thought, careful not to make any such noise out loud for fear of inu-youkai hearing. But this was not a cheesy western romance and she had no business thinking such things.

 

Thankfully, she was a better actor than he suspected. While that nose of his could detect deceit with malicious intent, even the best lie detector, living or mechanical, could be fooled. Inuyasha was no mind reader, and just like Kikyou’s love of his money had been enough to make her affection seem genuine, since she had been telling the truth when she’d originally spoken of wanting to spend the rest of her life with him, so too did Kagome’s genuine desire to see Inuyasha happy mask her heartache. She couldn’t dare let him smell her tears, and the only way to ensure that he wouldn’t was to prevent them from falling in the first place. The only way to do that was to convince herself that his well being was all that really mattered. It was the frame of mind she’d been living with ever since she’d first realized she had fallen in love with him, so she was no stranger to it by that point, but neither did she consider herself a martyr. She was content in her decision those days and didn’t want anyone’s pity.

 

Inuyasha watched her walk away, waiting until she was safely within her apartment before heading home, completely unaware of the thoughts that had been swimming around in Kagome’s head. His own head was a soupy mix of conflicting thoughts and feelings at the moment, so the last thing he needed to burden himself with was the worry of what somebody else was thinking.

 

Besides, as far as he knew, he knew what Kagome was thinking. He knew she’d obviously only been joking about inviting him inside, and if he had actually taken her up on it all they would’ve done was discuss more details about the next stage of the plan. But they’d already worked out most of the details that first night in his apartment, during the new moon, and so he hadn’t wanted to risk any of Kagome’s Tama U enrolled neighbors seeing him there and misunderstanding. He wanted to do this right, in a way that would hopefully limit the collateral damage she might face from dealing with people who did not approve of her dating him. The last thing he wanted was for people to think they’d fallen into bed together before falling in love, so they would need to take it slow. He couldn’t risk their fellow classmates thinking she was just his rebound chick. He wanted it known their relationship was based on emotion, not physical lust.

 

To that end, it was definitely time to start working towards that new ‘relationship’ status in the eyes of their school. Kagome would have her ‘girl talk’ with Sango tomorrow, when there were other women within earshot, about how she ‘thought she was falling in love with him,’ and Sango would give her her ‘advice,’ which was to tell him how she felt. They’d figure out when and where to have that conversation later, if they decided to do it publicly at all.

 

He blushed at the thought.

 

On second thought, it would probably be more believable if he and Kagome had that talk in ‘private,’ so what he would probably end up doing was have a moment of ‘guy talk’ with Miroku beforehand, too, where he would tell the houshi the same thing, that he was falling for Kagome, and Miroku, in his truest form, would tell him to ‘go for it.’ Then, from the privacy of one of their apartments, the four of them could figure out what he and Kagome supposedly discussed, and then the miko could have a followup conversation with Sango at school a couple days later, and likewise he could speak with Miroku again where they would be overheard, about how the two of them had talked and agreed to start dating.

 

He wasn’t worried about the actual ‘dating’ process. He immensely enjoyed spending one-on-one time with Kagome, and taking her out to dinner to a few nice restaurants would actually be the perfect way to pay her back for all she was doing for him without her being able to refuse his generosity. It was a little sneaky, perhaps, but she could playfully chew him out for it all she liked while they were alone in his car. He chuckled just thinking about it.

 

In fact, the more he thought about it, of taking Kagome out to dinner at some of the nicest restaurants in the city, the more his smile grew. He didn’t even mind that the places he was thinking of taking her to had been Kikyou’s favorite restaurants, or that he’d taken Kikyou to them first. That part couldn’t be helped, and it certainly wasn’t the restaurants’ faults. Thinking about when he’d taken Kikyou out to dinner, though, he was reminded of how Kikyou had ‘shyly’ (see: craftily) told him she didn’t own anything nice enough, and so he’d actually taken her dress shopping, first. His grin got so wide it exposed both fangs as he realized he’d have to do the same for Kagome, and since she wasn’t using him for his money, didn’t even want him spending it on her in fact, taking her dress shopping was going to be fun.

 

He would’ve rubbed his hands together in evil delight if he didn’t need to keep at least one of them on the wheel, as he drove the few short minutes from her apartment building to his own.

 

He sighed as his apartment complex came within view, wishing she lived in the same building as him, or he her. Actually, at the time, all five of them had originally hoped to find apartments in the same complex, but no such luck. Everyone else who was starting school that year had been looking for apartments too, after all, and vacancies which had already been few and far between had been filling up fast. Sango and Miroku had managed to find places in the same building, which was convenient since most of the time those two spent the night together, but while Inuyasha had been upset, at first, that Kikyou had gotten her own place in a different complex, now he was relieved.

 

“Okay, time to stop thinking about her,” he reminded himself for the nth time as he pulled into his parking spot.

 

Still, he supposed it was all right to have random thoughts of Kikyou pop up so long as they were about how much more he would enjoy taking Kagome dress shopping than he had Kikyou, or that he was glad Kikyou did not live in his apartment building. He also supposed it was just as well that he and Kagome didn’t live in the same building, either, otherwise once they were supposedly fully involved with one another it would be a little suspicious why they never took advantage of their geographic closeness to spend the night together. Not that he honestly thought either of them were going to be spied on by their neighbors, and it was really nobody else’s business what he and his girlfriend did or didn’t do behind closed doors. But the whole point was to throw Kikyou’s bullshit about him being ‘unlovable’ back in her face by proving that he wasn’t destined to only be with someone willing to put up with his looks for his money, no matter if he honestly believed it himself or not.

 

He agreed that, statistically, it had to be at least possible that some woman, somewhere, actually would be willing to love him for him, but what were the odds of him actually finding her? But if Kagome was willing to do all that she’d said she would do for him out of friendship then he supposed anything was possible.

 

Kagome…

 

That woman was something else. As Inuyasha entered his dark, empty apartment, he found himself already missing her company. She was such a wonderful distraction from the negative thoughts that lived inside his head. Even when he randomly thought of Kikyou when Kagome was there, her presence always helped to pull him back out of it again. Now, as he kicked off his shoes in the entryway, pulling the rest of his clothes off on his way to the bedroom, Inuyasha’s mood actually dropped not so much because he was thinking about Kikyou again, but because he missed the distraction Kagome’s company provided.

 

Crawling naked into bed, he sighed as he pulled the blankets up over his head, trying to block out the sounds of the city. Curling in on himself, even though he wasn’t cold, he valiantly tried to just turn his mind off and go to sleep, but it was no use. Without Kagome or the others there to keep him distracted at night, his depression always managed to creep back up on him. He could understand why some people started drinking to dull the pain. He had no intention of going down that road, however. He wasn’t that depressed, and heaven forbid he actually develop a problem and give Kikyou something new to gloat about. Stupid bitch would probably love it if he became an alcoholic mess, which was reason enough to never start drinking, not to mention he couldn’t disappoint his parents like that.

 

While he hadn’t spoken about it very much with his father, his mother knew he was still upset over the breakup, and that he’d just been faking his happiness at school. He hadn’t told her about Kagome agreeing to pretend to be his girlfriend because he hadn’t known how she would feel about that – not that he was going to let her think Kagome really was his girlfriend; hopefully she wouldn’t find out about it one way or the other – but from just knowing that he was still upset over Kikyou dumping him Izayoi had told him, just like his friends had told him, that she believed there was somebody out there for him and that, one day, he would find true love.

 

Of course, his mother also didn’t know the whole story behind his and Kikyou’s breakup, only that she’d turned out to be using him for his money but then she’d decided his money wasn’t worth being married to a hanyou. Izayoi had very wisely told her son that if she could fall in love with his father, a full blooded inu-youkai, that there was no way there was no woman out there for him as well.

 

If Inuyasha weren’t susceptible to the same natural revulsion every nineteen-year-old felt at the thought of their own parents going at it, then he probably would’ve taken a moment to think about what possible unknown (to him) inu-youkai characteristics his father just might possess even while in humanoid form. But that was the biggest kicker, wasn’t it? His father’s humanoid form was conjured by magic, a shape-shift he induced through sheer strength of will no different, in reality, from a kitsune changing shape. The only real difference was that Toga had only two forms he could switch back and forth between whereas true ‘shape shifting’ youkai could look like whatever they wanted. But even they had a true form, and that his mother could be with a man whose true form was actually a giant white dog, and ignore all the disgusted looks sent her way their whole marriage because of it, even including from former friends who’d accused her of being into bestiality, then maybe his mother actually knew what she was talking about.

 

Feeling a little more optimistic, he uncovered his head and rolled over, telling his subconscious mind to cut it out with that depression bullshit. Besides, it bothered Kagome.

 

He fell asleep peacefully, with a half-smile on his face.