InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Quadrangle ❯ Doubts and New Directions ( Chapter 8 )

A/N: This chapter gets a little citrusy, but nothing you (as a mature reader) can't handle. Any full-blown lemons or limes will be marked as such and edited for content with the full (unedited) version posted on MediaMiner. There's a link on my profile. But don't get all excited, no lemon or lime in this chapter.

 

Elixir of Destiny: Thank you for such high praise! I'm a visual person and get lost when I can't picture clearly what I'm reading, so I try to put as much into words as possible what I imagine when I'm writing. Thanks for reading!

 

BrokenTenshi: Thanks, so glad you like it!

 

Disclaimer: Inuyasha et al belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

 

Chapter 8 - Doubts and New Directions

 

Rin grinned and flourished a handful of wildflowers under Kagome's nose. “Rin picked these for you!”

 

“Thank you, Rin,” Kagome accepted the bouquet with a warm smile. The girl had grown several inches since the first time she'd met her, but she still approached life with the same energy and vivaciousness of a young child. It wouldn't last much longer, she thought with a sad sigh, real life always ground out youthful fantasies and showed you just how foolish you'd been to believe that true love conquered all. Rin would hit puberty sooner or later, fall in love, and have her heart broken…

 

Kagome snorted to herself. `Like Sesshomaru would allow any man to break Rin's heart, if he lets anyone close to her.' Wistfully, she brought the flowers to her face, inhaling their sweet fragrance as she watched Rin run back into the field of daisies, Shippo hot on her heels. “Stay away from the edge of the cliff, you guys!” she called after them.

 

How long had it been since she'd believed she'd live happily ever after with Inuyasha? Even during their most tender moments together, the phantom of his love for Kikyou had hung over them like a shroud. `Doomed, that's what I am.'

 

A pulse went through her body and she gasped, the flowers falling from numb fingers as she clutched at her heart.

 

“Miko, are you well?” Sesshomaru asked, appearing at her elbow.

 

“…yeah,” she breathed. Had she imagined it? She scanned the edge of the forest out of habit, trying to pierce through gloom before her eyes moved to the jagged peak of the mountain jutting from behind the trees. Another pulse swept through her, knocking her to her knees but her head turned toward the valley visible beyond the edge of the field that was terminated by a sheer cliff.

 

“Miko.”

 

She waved a hand to shush him, ignoring the narrowing of his eyes. Staggering to her feet, she stumbled toward the drop-off, her body tense, waiting for another pulse. She could feel it calling to her; it wanted her; she had to get to it! A strong arm wrapped around her waist just before she reached the edge, pulling her against him when a rush of energy washed through her and buckled her knees. He shook her gently as she pushed against his chest, her eyes locked on something far away and unseen.

 

“Miko, cease!” He tightened his grip as the woman tried to tug out of his arms. The fool, did she mean to go over cliff?

 

“I have to go, let me go!” she cried, her aura expanding to surround her, snapping with purifying power. Just touching her had became painful, but he held fast, dragging her away from the ledge. The further he pulled her from the cliff and valley, the more her power receded, until he was holding a simple mortal against his chest, her fingers absently prying at his arms.

 

“Kagome, what's wrong?” Shippo bounded toward her, hitting her chest with a thump. He patted her cheeks with tiny paws, his jeweled eyes wide with fright. Rin hurried after him, then hopped from one foot to the other as she tried to decide what to do.

 

“The jewel…” Kagome strained her upper body toward the valley, reminding Sesshomaru of a cat who wanted to leap out of his arms.

 

“The Shikon no Tama has been restored?” he asked, his chest rumbling against her back. She blinked rapidly, and then shook her head as if waking out of a dream. The strange influence was gone, leaving silence in its wake.

 

“No, I don't think so… but for a moment, I felt it…”

 

“In that valley?”

 

She nodded slowly, her eyes darkening as a haunted look crossed her face. If the jewel was there, then so were Inuyasha…and Kikyou. Could she face them together, accept the magnitude of his choice? Telltale stinging began to prick her eyes when hot breath bathed her neck, the steady rumble of the chest behind her soothing and she let herself relax slightly against him, covering the arm around her waist with her own. The tip of his nose brushed the sensitive skin between her jaw and ear, nudging gently.

 

“Then that is where we will go,” he said quietly in deference to her ear that was so close he could almost taste it. She nodded again, taking a deep breath and pulling gently away. As loathe as he was to let go, he dropped his arms, allowing her to step away but watching closely in case she decided to make another break for the cliff.

 

“Come, Miko, Rin, Shippo,” he gathered Ah-Un's reins and gestured for the pups to climb aboard.

 

Kagome shot him a shy look from under her lashes, a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. His heart skipped a beat, weak hanyou heart that it was, leaving him a little shaken. “You can call me Kagome, you know.”

 

He fought the urge to clear his throat nervously. “It would not be seemly to address you so informally.”

 

She blinked, her sooty eyelashes kissing the tops of her cheeks. “I'm part of your pack now, remember? Besides, …I want you to,” she said, blinking again, startled at her own admission.

 

“Very well…Kagome,” he said, enjoying the way her name rolled over his tongue. Her smile chased the shadows from her eyes and before he'd realized it, he'd pulled her away from the dragon and onto his back. She squeaked, her arms tightening around his neck, the softness of her body pressing against his back.

 

“I-I-I can ride Ah-Un like before,” she stuttered. He hadn't carried her since the day he'd taken her from her friends; she thought he didn't like to.

 

“This Sesshomaru would not be pleased if you leapt off of the dragon to answer the call of the jewel,” he said after a moment.

 

“Okay,” Kagome blushed, wiggling until she was comfortable and completely oblivious to the heated, half-lidded look Sesshomaru gave her over his shoulder.

 

XxxxxxxxX

 

“Sango,” Miroku started as she directed the firecat they rode to make another pass of a familiar patch of forest.

 

“Don't say it,” she snapped tersely. She would not accept that the girl who'd become her sister could be gone. That bastard…how could they have trusted Sesshomaru? He'd tried to kill them countless times and now…he'd taken Kagome.

 

“It's been four days since they disappeared. He's youkai; if he doesn't want to be found, then he won't be.”

 

She shot him a fulminating glare before dashing moisture from her eyes with the back of her hand. “How can you just give up on her?”

 

“I'm not! Remember, Shippo is with her. He wouldn't let anything happen to her and you said it yourself: Sesshomaru's behavior toward her has changed,” he lay a soothing hand on her shoulder, not surprised when she shrugged it off with a disgusted snort.

 

“That's what I'm afraid of,” Sango murmured, her eyes unfocused and distant. When they'd first awakened and found neither inuhanyou nor miko in the hut, they'd figured he'd taken her away to treat her, as he'd done when she'd been dying. But when the day had surrendered to night and they still hadn't returned, Sango had begun to worry. They'd left the village the next morning, bent on finding their friend but both secretly afraid that they were already too late. She should have listened to her gut when it had told her something had different between the two; she was too great a warrior to not trust her instincts.

 

“Sango,” Miroku rubbed a small circle on her upper back.

 

“What?” she ground out between her clenched teeth. If he were to try something perverted, kami help her, she would knock the hentai off the cat and watch him fall.

 

His cursed hand seemed to sense the danger in which it was putting its host and did not travel lower than her shoulder blades. “I do not believe he means to hurt her. If he did, he wouldn't have saved her life.”

 

Sango recognized the truth in his words, had had the same thought herself, many times, but it didn't help to dispel the foreboding that gripped her. She knew her friend and her trusting heart. She also knew that pain went beyond the physical.

 

XxxxxxxX

 

Kagome sighed as she pulled another kinky noodle of Rin's hair, tossing the clammy thing into the fire with distaste. “I'm very disappointed in you two. You know better than to waste food like that, especially on the road.”

 

Shippo mumbled something unintelligible, wringing his fingers together as large, salty drops of broth dripped from his bangs. Inuyasha's yelling and heavy fist he could take, but Kagome's quiet disappointment was physically painful. He really didn't see the big deal; it had only been a little bit of ramen and it hadn't been intentional. One of Rin's noodles had splashed out of her cup, hitting him in the cheek, and he'd flicked a noodle back at her, landing on her kimono. Rin, of course, had retaliated and, well, things had gotten a little out of hand.

 

Rin seemed to hunch down into herself. “Rin is sorry, Kagome-sama.”

 

Sighing again, Kagome patted the girl's shoulder as she got to her feet. “Just Kagome is fine.”

 

Digging around in her bag, she pulled out her pajamas and a couple of spare tee shirts, grimacing as broth tricked down her back, pasting her blouse to her skin. At least the clothes in her were still clean, having escaped Sesshomaru's attention the night he decided to explore her backpack. She was especially glad he hadn't found her lacy little undergarments, but the heaviness in her heart prevented it from offering her any kind of relief. Would he have demanded that she not use those, too? `Which reminds me, I'll have to go home soon to replenish my supply of feminine hygiene stuff since my stash is now unusable.' She made a frustrated sound in the back of her throat as she dug around, finally finding her bathing supplies.

 

“Ok, gang, let's go get cleaned up,” she stood, her arms full of clean clothes, towels, and product. Both children got to their feet, heads still hanging in shame.

 

“Where are we going? The water's right here,” Rin asked, confused. They had camped near the bank of a wide lake. Kagome always tried to stop near a body of water; it made cooking, cleaning up, and bathing that much easier.

 

“We all need baths, myself included, so we're going to the girl's bath,” she jerked her head toward a small inlet screened by scrubby trees. “Sesshomaru-sama, give me your outer haori.”

 

After a glance at his soggy front, he complied wordlessly, holding it out to her as she juggled the clean stuff to one arm so that she could take his Ramen-soaked garment and not soil anything else. A spreading yellow stain marred the snowy white of his under haori and she frowned. “Hmmm, the inner one, too.”

 

“But I'm not a girl,” Shippo protested, the edge of a whine creeping into his voice.

 

“Shippo, don't argue. Sesshomaru, take off your shirt.” She twitched the hand holding his red haori impatiently.

 

“Rin doesn't want to take a bath,” she stated matter-of-factly.

 

Kagome fixed her with a stern, but not unkind, look. “I'm not giving you a choice, hun.” She didn't relish bathing in the cold water either, but she wasn't about to climb in her sleeping bag with Ramen-water hair. A weight settled on her outstretched arm and her attention was riveted to the marble chest in front of her, the breath whooshing out of her. Slowly, her eyes traveled up the vale of his chest, over his lips to lock with his honeyed eyes, watching her with an inscrutable expression. Kami, but he was hot, and it wasn't just his finely toned body. It was the self-assurance that swam in his eyes, looking so out of place in a face that had shown insecurity for as long as she'd known him. Sure, Inuyasha talked tough, but it was a front. What would it be like to have that arrogant, self-confident gaze burn down on her from its proper body? Her stomach did a slow flip-flop. `Get a grip, girl, you're staring!' He'd barely looked at her before he'd been spelled into Inuyasha's body; he probably wouldn't after he'd been returned. Suddenly, the cold lake water sounded like a pretty good idea.

 

“Right,” she snapped sharply, tuning away jerkily and stomping down the path. Rin and Shippo skipped after her.

 

XxxxxxxxX

 

The kids had been sent back to camp, freshly scrubbed and dressed in her tee shirts, and Kagome finally had a moment to herself. Granted, she was in her pajamas, a cutsie shorts-and-tee thing with yellow ducks printed on it, washing a ramen fight out of four sets of garments, but at least she could think in peace and quiet.

 

Pausing as she felt a familiar twinge, she glance out over the dark water of the lake toward what she couldn't see but knew was there. Its call was soft, not demanding, as it had been earlier, but there was no mistake, the jewel would soon be restored. Pursing her lips as she resumed rinsing Rin's kimono, she snuffled quietly.

 

Tomorrow, they would reach the jewel, she was sure of it, but she didn't want to see them. Sometimes, she still tried to convince herself that she'd misunderstood his actions, that maybe he hadn't left her at all. As long as she didn't see them together, his betrayal wouldn't be real; she could still hope that he'd come back to her. A hot tear spilled over her bottom lashes as she blinked and she swiped at it with a pruned hand. `No more tears for him, you've cried enough!' she told herself firmly. `He isn't worth it.'

 

`But that's the problem, isn't it.' She wringed the water of the material in her hands, and then shook the wrinkles out of it. `I'm not good enough for him.' Gathering the rest of clothing she had just washed, she wandered back into camp, pressing cool fingers against her eyes to lessen the redness. She didn't glance at her companions as she hung the garments on flat rocks near the fire to dry and as soon as she was done, she left the cheery circle of firelight and the children's enthusiastic card game for a walk along the bank of the lake.

 

`Did you want to always walk in Kikyou's shadow? Even if he'd stayed with you, he wouldn't have forgotten her. He's told you as much before. How long were you willing to wait for him? You're not immortal like he is.' Kagome ran her fingers through her hair, letting her tears fall freely. It was no use holding them back. `Kikyou's immortal, well, undead; maybe they belong together.'

 

“Oh,” she moaned quietly, staring out over the still, black water. She really, really, didn't want to see them. Would it be so bad if Kikyou restored the jewel? She would fix Inuyasha's wish and purify it, right? She could just fade away from the scene; Inuyasha wouldn't even notice that she'd left.

 

“You shouldn't stray this far from camp,” Sesshomaru said quietly from behind her.

 

Kagome stiffened but kept her back to him. Despite the fact that he could smell her tears, she didn't want him to see her crying. “I'm fine, I can take care of myself.”

 

“Indeed.”

 

Her hand crept to the scars on her neck, tracing the long, faintly purple stripes that stretched from her jaw line to her collarbone. “He wouldn't hurt me again,” she said, though her voice sounded tired, unconvinced.

 

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed and he reached out, taking her shoulder and turning her to face him. “Why do you stay loyal to him after all that he's done to you?”

 

Kagome hurriedly dried her tears on her shoulder, “Because I promised that I would stay by his side.”

 

“Even though he prefers the corpse to you?” he searched her face, not trying to hide the disbelief and irritation in his voice.

 

“She died for him. I can't compete with that. So, I just… follow.”

 

Another tear slid down her cheek and she didn't bother to wipe it away. It paused on her chin, refracting the moonlight like a diamond. Unable to stop himself, Sesshomaru caught it on his fingertip and brought it to his tongue, tasting her sorrow, her love. What would it be like to be loved by this creature? A human she may be, but the cornerstone of his brother's strength. How could he not see this?

 

“Your quest is over. You no longer have to follow him.”

 

She gave him a watery, sardonic smile. “The jewel still exists. You're still in the wrong body. I wouldn't call it over.” Taking a deep breath, she seemed to gather energy from the air around her. “But you're right. I don't have to follow him anymore. He's left me, anyway.”

 

The urge taste more of her, to feel her strength for himself, became overwhelming. It did not even occur to him to resist it. Slowly, he reached behind her head and tangled his claws in the hair at the nape of her neck, not stopping even when she shied away with wide, frightened eyes.

 

“Sesshomaru…” she whispered, placing her palms on his chest in order to push him away. Capturing her soft hands in his other hand, he brought her face to his and licked at the salty paths left by her tears. Whimpering softly, she closed her eyes, freeing more moisture from under her quivering lashes.

 

It was more than he could handle, the flutter of her heart, her delicious chamomile scent, the tang of her tears, all sang to his demon blood and stirred the foreign human blood. Groaning, he crushed her to him, closed his lips over hers even as they trembled against him. He teased them apart with gentle grazes of his tongue, longing for her to respond to his ardor. Finally, she opened her mouth, allowing him to deepen the kiss and explore her with his tongue. Fingers splaying against his chest, she leaned into him, moving her lips against him.

 

Releasing her hands, he slipped his arm around her waist, supporting her weight against him. This body wanted her, he wanted her, and through her tears, she wanted him. But which him? With a growl, he broke the kiss and pressed into her, staring down at her face.

 

Her eyes were still closed but her cheeks were flushed and lips red from their kiss. Breath coming in short gasps, her breasts heaving with the effort, she let him sustain her, twining her fingers in his silky, silver hair. He licked a long trail up her neck to her ear, where he whispered her name.

 

“Kagome.”

 

“Inuyasha…”

 

His heart constricted; there was his answer.

 

“…will be angry,” she panted, a violent shiver wracking her frame.

 

“Fuck Inuyasha,” he growled deep in his chest, furious that she was concerned about what his brother thought warring with the elation of knowing that she was kissing him, Sesshomaru. He claimed her lips again, bruising them with the force of the passion that threatened to consume him, delving deeply into her mouth where she received him with soft brushes of her tongue.

 

Making full use of both arms, he glided his claws over the tender mounds of her breasts, nipples hard through the fabric of her shirt. Pressing his groin against her stomach, he let her know how much he wanted her, smiling as she gasped into his mouth. One hand found its way down her torso, caressing the curve of her hip before reaching lower to run sharp claws over the smooth skin of her bare thigh.

 

She was ready for him; he could smell her arousal. He could take her now if he so chose and she would not resist. But that would mean he'd taken her with his brother's body, and that Would Not Do. He could wait. Massaging the flesh of thigh with the pads of his fingers, careful not to cut her with his claws, he planted a final kiss on her lips before pulling away slightly, pleased by the whine that issued from the back of her throat.

 

Kagome felt hot, heavy, his kisses having stirred in her a deep ache that only he could assuage. She whined again, his hand on her thigh branding her skin as they kneaded the muscles beneath, and tugged his head closer, tilting her head to the side and devouring his mouth as if he were a feast after a long fast. He surged against her, answering her call with his tongue and hands, lifting her up so that she could wrap her long legs around his waist and rubbing circles in her lower back.

 

Walking them to the edge of the lake, he lowered them onto the sandy ground, breaking with her mouth to nip at his mark on her neck. She gasped, turning her head and arching into him as her legs tightened around her waist. Unable to resist the invitation, he bit down gently, his teeth sliding into the old wounds as if they belonged there. `Maybe they do,' the hazy thought floated through his mind and his lips smiled against her neck. He could not penetrate her elsewhere tonight, so he took his time reinforcing the mark, relishing the taste of her, the scent of her, the feel of her.

 

She ground against him, the soft spot between her legs temptingly moist through the fabric of her shorts. His hips rolled against her of their own accord, but he clamped down on his instincts, willing his body to obey him and her to calm down. Dusting her neck with kisses, trailing his way up to her face, he raised himself on his hands to look down at her. Her lips swollen and red, eyes dark with lust, she was more enticing than any demon bitch he'd seen. She pulled at his head, almost growling when he refused her.

 

“Not like this,” he growled back, his breath harsh in his throat.

 

Her question was husky, laced with longing and disappointment. “Why not?”

 

“After.”

 

She growled again, her lips puckering and eyelids lowering, and he almost chuckled, instead choosing to nuzzle her cheek with his nose as he settled on his back next to her. Squirming closer to him, she cuddled up against his side and settled her head in the crook of his arm.

 

`The night sky in feudal Japan never ceases to amaze me,' she thought detachedly to herself as she traced imaginary lines between the stars and named their constellations. The stars were so bright and numerous that sometimes she felt that she could touch them and on particularly bad nights, when Inuyasha had run off to see Kikyou, they seemed to weigh down on her, trying to smother her with their timelessness. Inuyasha…and here she'd just been making out with his brother. Did that make her a loose woman? He'd accused her of throwing herself at him, but he made her feel good and it had been so long since she'd felt beautiful and wanted in that way.

 

A meteorite streaked across the sky and she watched it fizzle out with a sad little smile; it had also been a long time since she wished on a falling star. Sesshomaru nuzzled her neck, nipping at his mark, and she snaked an arm around his neck. She just couldn't feel in the wrong. Inuyasha had made his choice and it hadn't been her. It was long past time to get over that. She knew that Sesshomaru didn't love her and she didn't love him but…maybe that wasn't what she needed right now. They had a chemical attraction that would more than likely fade when he returned to his body, at least for him, but for now, she would take what he could give.