InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Regret ❯ Relent ( Chapter 3 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Kawa-Misuterii 
Not the end! ^-^
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Fantasy / Drama | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 01.11.2009 | Updated On: 01.11.2009 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.4K | Visits: 548 | Status: Work In Progress
Not the end! ^-^
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Fantasy / Drama | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 01.11.2009 | Updated On: 01.11.2009 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.4K | Visits: 548 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: 'InuYasha, InuYasha, wherefore art thou InuYasha?'
'I'm down here, wench.'
'Will ye be mine?'
'Hell no.'
I would just like to say that I love reviewers so much, especially the ones who leave lengthy reviews! (<3 SplendentGoddess. Yeah, that's the one I meant, I can't wait for you to expand!)
Relent
I followed her silently through the trees, smiling a bit as a crowd of children mobbed her, laughing and squealing in delight. She didn’t seem to mind getting dirt all over her clothes as she horse played with the brats. Sticks and leaves clung to her hair, and her face was as bright red as my kimono, but she never looked more beautiful.
After a few minutes, the children got tired of wrestling with her and ran off to play hide and seek in the woods, and Kagome got as steely look in her eye. She looked around with an angry glare, and I couldn’t help but duck down, getting the feeling that I’d been found out.
“Kagome-sama, Kagome-sama!” a young, male voice shouted out. Kagome turned around to face a handsome youth I remembered seeing around the village. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and I couldn’t help but release a jealous growl at the sight of the stupid lad approaching my woman...
‘Whoa, getting ahead of myself there...’ I thought to myself as I forced my youki to calm down.
“My...*huff* my lady.....the old priest says that he sensed a demon in the area.” the boy panted out as he tried to catch his breath from running.
“Yes, I sense it too. I’ll patrol the woods and keep an eye on the children, and tell the men from the village to keep their weapons handy. It hasn’t attacked and I’m not getting much of a youki from it, so we should be relatively safe until sundown.” Kagome stated matter-of-factually. The boy bowed in obvious hero worship of her, causing me to roll my eyes in annoyance.
‘Stupid little twit couldn’t take down a rabbit youkai, let alone ME.’ I thought with an evil smile.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the scary look Kagome was throwing around, keeping her senses open for any attacks.
‘It’s just little old me, Kagome, no need to be scared.’ I thought. Shouldn’t she have recognized my aura by now? No matter, she will soon enough.
Raising my head abruptly, I caught a scent on the wind that caused me to release a growl she must have heard, and to curl my claws out to prepare for an attack. Kagome, in contrast, looked expectant.
Sure enough, my bastard brother landed out of the sky like a god-dammed kami-sent savior, and I had to choke back an even louder growl when she smiled at him. She SMILED at him! What the hell was that all about?
“Female ningen.” He said to her as soon as he landed, and I saw his little ward crawl out from that damned pretentious boa thing he wears.
“Sesshomaru-sama.” Kagome greeted courteously, a ghost of a smile on her lips. What the hell was this? Since when is my brother and my….companion all buddy-buddy like this? When had this happened?
“Konnichiwa, Higurashi-sensei!” the little one piped up, and then I figured it out. Kagome had more education stuffed into her pretty head than a lot of the lords hanging around, so of course she would be an ideal teacher…still, how did Sesshomaru come to find that out? A jealous ball of acid burned in my stomach at the idea.
“Konnichiwa, Rin-chan. Have you been practicing the kanji I taught you last time?” she asked good-naturedly.
“Hai! Rin is ready to learn more!” the kids said excitedly. Kagome took her by the hand, presumably to lead her back to Kaede’s old hut. She stopped and turned back to Sesshomaru, a crease in her brow.
“Sesshomaru-sama, I sense a youkai in the forest not long ago. If you happen to come across it, would you be so kind as to dispatch it for us?” she asked sincerely, as if she fully expected him to refuse her. I think I saw him move his head in a nod, but it was so small, he could as well have just ignored her.
Kagome and Rin disappeared over the hill, and within the next second Sesshomaru had fazed out of my vision and reappeared with his hand around my neck as he thrust me up against the tree I had been hiding behind, a perfectly plucked eyebrow raised in question.
“What business do you have still breathing?” he asked.
“What? No hello after all this time, dear brother?” I asked back sarcastically, despite the fact that I was gasping at the moment.
“This Sesshomaru will repeat himself only once. Why are you here? Did the deceased miko not drag you to hell as Kagome said?” he asked coolly, but I didn’t absorb any of his words other than his blatant use of Kagome’s name. I saw a red tint around my vision as pent up rage threatened to break loose, and I managed to rip his fingers from around my neck and unsheathe the Tessaiga in two moves. Sesshomaru displayed his superior youkai speed by already having Tokijin ready to battle before I had the Tessaiga completely transformed, but I was too far gone to care.
Metal clashed with metal as I attacked him recklessly over and over, with Sesshomaru blocking them flawlessly. The strangest thing was, he never even tried to attack me, as if he was just humoring me. The asshole.
Finally, I was starting to get tired, and he managed to knock me over when I left my right side open. He stood there with Tokijin at my throat, and something close to irritation in his eyes.
“Why are you still alive?” he asked again.
“What do you care, bastard?” I gasped, having had the wind knocked out of me when I fell.
“Answer this Sesshomaru’s question.”
We glared at each other for what must have been a full five minutes before I finally relented.
“A Kami intervened with my death. I’ve….come back for Kagome.” I answered, not having the balls to look him in the eyes. He made that stupid little grunting noise, and then sheathed Tokijin.
“Baka.” Was his only reply, not that I was surprised. Bastard probably thought I was lying, but there was nothing he can do about that.
He turned away from me and began walking towards the village, and a shiver of terror went down my spine.
“Don’t tell Kagome I’m here!” I shouted, panicking.
“I have no reason to hide anything from the living ningen. Why would I not alert her to your presence? You are a threat to her existence, and therefore the education of my ward.” He said calmly, not bothering to turn completely around.
“Bastard! I’d never hurt her!” I shouted back. And since when did he give a damn, anyway?
Sesshomaru turn fully around to look at me, his stone face never moving. There was a look in his eye that somehow reminded me that, yes, I did hurt her. And even before this whole ordeal, I hurt her all the time…but things were different now! I’ve been to hell (sort of) and back, I’ve learned my lesson.
“Do what you wish. I have no interest in the on goings of hanyou and ningen.” He insisted, and disappeared over the hill to the village. ________________
Turns out Kagome was teaching all of the village children how to read and do math, and for a minute I was worried what one of the lords parading around might think of literate commoners. Would they try to execute her? Over my dead body! But still, the village brats might have problems…
From what I could hear, she wasn’t teaching them anything too difficult, and somehow managed to work little stories into the lesson, so the kids paid attention. Finally, after almost an hour of this, she dismissed the kids in order to go on patrol of the forest.
“Sesshomaru-sama, Sesshomaru-sama! I know how to write your name!” the little ward ran to him, waving a piece of parchment. Sesshomaru took it from her outstretched hands and tucked it into his armor, turning when Kagome spoke to him.
“Did you find the youkai?” she asked.
“It was unworthy of this Sesshomaru’s blade. It won’t attack the village. This Sesshomaru leaves the disposal of the pitiful creature to you, Miko.” He told her haughtily, and I clenched my teeth at how he spoke. Bastard knew I could probably hear him. What an asshole.
“Alright. Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama. Rin-chan is very bright, I hope you can start bringing her more often.” Kagome answered, and I had to choke back a growl. Sure, Kagome probably just wanted to see the child, but all I heard was ‘I hope to see you more often, Sesshomaru-sama!’ in that ridiculously nice voice of hers.
My brother left in a whirl of fur, and that left Kagome alone, and I could tell that she was discouraged by that fact. She grabbed her bow and arrows, and began unknowingly walking towards me.
It was almost sunset, and I jumped ahead, drawing her with my youki in order to ensure that we would be alone.
I ended up at the Goshinboku, but I stayed near the trunk so she would see me as soon as she got to the clearing. I tried to plan on what I was going to say, but…I couldn’t think, my mind was buzzing with excitement and dread.
I’m not sure what I expected, but when she raised her head from watching her step, and our eyes met, we must have stood there staring at each other for an hour.
“InuYasha…” she whispered my name. It was like a blessing on my ears, I hadn’t heard it so long.
“Kagome…” I answered back, and she blinked at me, not believing her own eyes. The slightly surprised look smoothed into one of indifference.
“The jewel is gone. Why are you here?” she stated, sounding exactly like my hard-ass brother.
“Kagome!” a shrill voice shouted. Shippou came running through the underbrush behind her, and darted between her legs to crawl up her clothes and perch himself on her shoulder.
“I smelled him! I smelled him all the way from the hut! I thought you said he left with Kikyou!” he shouted in her face, but she ignored him as she looked at me pensively.
“Well, InuYasha?” she asked. I tried to speak, I really did, but nothing came out. I was too…I don’t know what I was; all I know was that my mouth wasn’t working. She must have waited for a full minute before the slightest frown graced her face, and she turned away, a small ‘humph’ noise escaping her.
They both left me without another word, and then that crappy, familiar feeling filled my gut. Rejection. I was used to it, sure. But now I was getting it from the few people who didn’t give it to me the moment they saw me…nope, they were fools enough to wait around until I could prove I was deserving of it.
And instead of it being for reasons that I could hate them back for, like being a hanyou, it was all entirely my doing. Well thanks a lot, giant unnamed Kami…what the hell was I supposed to do now?
Mixing with the feeling of rejection, a heavy dose of melancholy dropped itself on my being. Sure, the Kami had given me another chance, but whoever said Kagome would, or should, for that matter? I know that if it had been me in her shoes, I would have struck myself down the moment I saw me.
Damn, but it still hurt like hell to see her walk away from me like that. Kikyou used to do the exact same thing, and it hurt just as much.
Huh. That’s the first thought I’ve given to Kikyou since I escaped that purgatory. What the hell had happened that I don’t think about her all the time, anymore? I used to not be able to get her off of my mind, but now…now she’s gone forever.
Well hadn’t she been gone forever when Kagome first broke the seal on me? And before she’d even been resurrected, she was on my mind 90% of the time. Was it just because I’d found out that she was dead?
I can answer that easily. Yeah it was. I was in mourning; of course she was on my mind. And then right when I was starting to get used to it, BAM! She was back with a vengeance, literally. And even though I’d seen her point an arrow at me more times than I’d care to count, sometimes…I don’t know…I’d see the real Kikyou in her eyes every now and then, and fall in love with her all over again.
What a fool I am.
And I knew it bothered Kagome whenever I saw her….but I couldn’t stop. And now…now I’m beneath her notice.
____________
She knew I never left the forest surrounding the village, but she avoided me, and I her. Well, not exactly. I was sort of stalking her, but I made sure we never met face-to-face.
I had to admit, she did seem pretty content. But then again, it might have been an act. I knew she could sense my aura, and now that she knew who was watching her…But why would she need to put on an act? It’s not like I’m going to laugh at her or something. That’s the only reason people act differently than they usually do, right?
She had a pretty straight forward routine. Wake up in the morning, fix herself some breakfast, and Shippou too, if he was there (seemed like the runt was only around every few days). Then she’d go and pray over two different unmarked graves, one of them probably Kaede’s, the other, who knows.
Then, she would tend to her garden for a good few hours, and although her hands were callused and sun damaged already, her skin managed to stay relatively pale with the hat she wore. After that, it was tending to the elderly and the sick in the village, and then schooling all of the children in the late afternoon.
I did manage to notice that while she did seem content with her life, she wasn’t exactly…happy. Just like Miroku said. The children amused her, the garden brought her a little pleasure, but not one thing that happened during my ‘observance’ really made her smile, really made her laugh out loud like she used to.
At the end of the day, she would sit in front of her hut and sew, sometimes talking to one of the villagers or staring off into the sunset. It was then that I think she…every once and a while I could swear that….bitch is glaring at me!
There was no denying it, she was looking at the exact tree I sat in and man if I wasn’t determined, I would have run in the opposite direction so fast, Kouga would be left coughing up my dust. But this was the first time she acknowledged my aura since our ‘meeting’ at the Goshinboku, so I had to suck it up and confront her.
I leaped down from my perch, and walked as nonchalantly as I could to her. She kept her head stubbornly down when she realized that I was actually coming to talk. I wonder what was going through her head when she was glaring at me…
“Kagome.” I stated as a greeting, completely unsure on how to go about this.
“I’m to be addressed as Miko, or Kagome-sama.” She stated as if I were some rude stranger. I swallowed my spiteful words that were clamoring at my throat to shout back at her, to demand that she look at me like she used to. Instead, I clenched my fists and bit out my reply.
“M-miko-sama.” I thought it would bother her, because that’s exactly how everyone used to address Kikyou. But to my surprise, she looked at me patiently, even pityingly. If there’s anything I hate more than people giving me shit about being a half demon, it’s the people giving me pity! The words stampeded back up my throat and out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“Funny how much you use to deny being like Kikyou, you’re acting just like her!” I said nastily, and I saw her hands turn white at how hard she was clutching her needle. Hah, comparing her to Kikyou always got the biggest rise; she can’t ignore or pity me when she wants to kill me.
She seemed to count to ten in her head, and released all of the tension she held in her body. She casually opened her mouth to reply.
“Funny how you’re still sniffing around here like a stray when you’re supposed to be honoring your lady by staying with her.” She said back, cold as ice. It froze my insides, my tongue, and my heart. I was no better than a stray, now?
The bravado I had a moment ago was gone, replaced with guilt. And not the throbbing twinge of guilt I usually saw after visiting Kikyou. No, this was more like the gut wrenching, heart clenching, make-you-want-to-bury-yourself kind of guilt, the kind that no sane person can live with for long.
“Kagome, look…I-I know this looks bad, but I-”
“Looks bad?” she asked in a dangerously quiet voice. I stopped in the middle of my explanation, looking at her with dread. I got the same kind of feeling as I did when Sango screamed at me.
“Do you want to know what looks bad, InuYasha? A pathetic girl lying in a hut, waiting for someone to return, crying her eyes out because she knows he never will. Do you know what else looks bad? The way everyone seemed to think she’d never get over, that she’d just…kill herself, or something.” I gasped, and for the first time she looked me right in the eyes; I could see the truth. Had she really been dealing with all of THIS?
“I guess you know how that feels. Even Kaede made sure to never leave me alone!” she told me. To her credit, she wasn’t crying, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to shout at her to stop.
“Kagome, no one would ever want you to kill yourself!” I practically shouted.
“But they expected it! Why the hell am I even talking to you about it, anyway? It’s not like you give a damn!” she shouted. I gasped again…I was kind of expecting that accusation, but…she’s never sworn before.
“For the longest time I planned on it, you know.” She had discarded the kimono in her lap. “Are you really that surprised? I’ve followed you to the ends of the earth, why not into the afterlife, too?” her voice cracked.
“But I’m not the same person I was back then. I’m not a fool in love anymore.” She turned to me to see my reaction. In reality, I didn’t really have one; I was too busy reeling from her words. But she took it the wrong way.
“God, little girls should never be allowed to actually live in fantasies. Once upon a time a girl fell in love with a hero, and they live happily ever after. Well GUESS WHAT?” she yelled at the ground, seemingly unable to look me in the eyes. “Reality check! The heroine is dead, and all that’s left is some pathetic stand-in that deluded herself into thinking that everything would turn out all right! So what’s left when the villain in gone and the hero joins the tragic woman in death? Nothing but a torn up piece of a thing that doesn’t have the will to live, that’s what!”
“No, Kagome! That’s not how it is and you know it!” I tried to stop the tirade. My defensive instincts were kicking in; I had to stick up for myself.
“Bull shit! What did you honestly think would happen to me when you left, huh InuYasha? Did you think I’d just jumped down the well and forget all about this place? Forget you? Do you really not think of me at all when you make these decisions?” she turned to me.
“Of course not!” I bellowed, unable to stop myself now. “How on earth was I supposed to focus on how you ‘dealt’ with it? In case you don’t remember, I was a little preoccupied with your fatal injury that only happened because I couldn’t take care of you! Not to mention I was a little distracted by the promise I made to the woman who came first! What the hell do you want from me, wench!?”
Her face froze in that horrible, angry grimace, and then loosened to a cool look. There was no hatred that I could see in her stare, so I went on.
“You fucking act like the world revolves around you, did you ever consider the fact that I never actually wanted to go to hell? That it was just my duty? That if I refused my honor would be gone? My honor is the only damn thing I have, what the hell would I do then, huh woman?”
I realized I was ranting at her, and I tried to soften my voice.
“I know it’s not fair, I know! But I’m back now. I’ve been given another chance! Please, please don’t take it for granted.” I begged her. Kagome’s eyes widened a fraction, and then she turned her head away from me, hiding her eyes with her hair.
At first I thought she was silently weeping, the way her shoulders shook. But then I saw that the corner of her mouth was turned up in a small, wicked smile. Her shoulders, her chest, and then her whole body was shaking in mirth.
After a moment of holding it in, a chuckle spilled from her mouth, which grew into a cruel laugh, which burst into the hysteric shrieking of a woman who just realized the hilarity in horror…mine, apparently.
She no longer sounded like a girl, her humorous giggles a lift to the people around her…no, Kagome was no longer a girl. She sounded almost like Kagura or Princess Abi when I faced them down, laughing at my arrogance and naiveté-how dare I think I could possible take them.
“Y-you know,” she started to say, panting from the force of her laughter. “You’ve got a lot of nerve, talking about taking things for granted, InuYasha.”
My ears flattened into my hair, and I felt my heart sputter in my chest just before she looked at me, showing her true feelings for the first time.
“I will never be with you.” She said evenly. She turned, and spoke over her shoulder. “Take that for granted, you bastard.”
Bitter hatred.
(Author's Note)
The End!!!
Gah! don't hurt me!!!
Did I say three parts? I meant four.
Seriously, this stupid thing is kicking my butt, it just doesn't want to end!
I'm a little disappointed to say that I kind of hate this chapter, but there's really nothing more I can do for it.
The next one will be much better, although whether or not it'll wrap things up...I don't know...
Also, character talk. I know InuYasha should've been smart and kept his nose down the whole time instead of getting defensive, but since when is he really ever been tactful?
And for Kagome, I thought I should just mention that she is displaying what I call the Coutrney Love philosophy, in that although some people expect (and probably wouldn't blame) her to commit suicide and follow the man she loves, she rises above and proves her amazing strength (again) in living on for herself.
Well, let's just hope this doesn't demand to be made into a full blown story instead of just a continuing one-shot...damn plot bunnies...hate them sooo much.
'I'm down here, wench.'
'Will ye be mine?'
'Hell no.'
I would just like to say that I love reviewers so much, especially the ones who leave lengthy reviews! (<3 SplendentGoddess. Yeah, that's the one I meant, I can't wait for you to expand!)
Relent
I followed her silently through the trees, smiling a bit as a crowd of children mobbed her, laughing and squealing in delight. She didn’t seem to mind getting dirt all over her clothes as she horse played with the brats. Sticks and leaves clung to her hair, and her face was as bright red as my kimono, but she never looked more beautiful.
After a few minutes, the children got tired of wrestling with her and ran off to play hide and seek in the woods, and Kagome got as steely look in her eye. She looked around with an angry glare, and I couldn’t help but duck down, getting the feeling that I’d been found out.
“Kagome-sama, Kagome-sama!” a young, male voice shouted out. Kagome turned around to face a handsome youth I remembered seeing around the village. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and I couldn’t help but release a jealous growl at the sight of the stupid lad approaching my woman...
‘Whoa, getting ahead of myself there...’ I thought to myself as I forced my youki to calm down.
“My...*huff* my lady.....the old priest says that he sensed a demon in the area.” the boy panted out as he tried to catch his breath from running.
“Yes, I sense it too. I’ll patrol the woods and keep an eye on the children, and tell the men from the village to keep their weapons handy. It hasn’t attacked and I’m not getting much of a youki from it, so we should be relatively safe until sundown.” Kagome stated matter-of-factually. The boy bowed in obvious hero worship of her, causing me to roll my eyes in annoyance.
‘Stupid little twit couldn’t take down a rabbit youkai, let alone ME.’ I thought with an evil smile.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the scary look Kagome was throwing around, keeping her senses open for any attacks.
‘It’s just little old me, Kagome, no need to be scared.’ I thought. Shouldn’t she have recognized my aura by now? No matter, she will soon enough.
Raising my head abruptly, I caught a scent on the wind that caused me to release a growl she must have heard, and to curl my claws out to prepare for an attack. Kagome, in contrast, looked expectant.
Sure enough, my bastard brother landed out of the sky like a god-dammed kami-sent savior, and I had to choke back an even louder growl when she smiled at him. She SMILED at him! What the hell was that all about?
“Female ningen.” He said to her as soon as he landed, and I saw his little ward crawl out from that damned pretentious boa thing he wears.
“Sesshomaru-sama.” Kagome greeted courteously, a ghost of a smile on her lips. What the hell was this? Since when is my brother and my….companion all buddy-buddy like this? When had this happened?
“Konnichiwa, Higurashi-sensei!” the little one piped up, and then I figured it out. Kagome had more education stuffed into her pretty head than a lot of the lords hanging around, so of course she would be an ideal teacher…still, how did Sesshomaru come to find that out? A jealous ball of acid burned in my stomach at the idea.
“Konnichiwa, Rin-chan. Have you been practicing the kanji I taught you last time?” she asked good-naturedly.
“Hai! Rin is ready to learn more!” the kids said excitedly. Kagome took her by the hand, presumably to lead her back to Kaede’s old hut. She stopped and turned back to Sesshomaru, a crease in her brow.
“Sesshomaru-sama, I sense a youkai in the forest not long ago. If you happen to come across it, would you be so kind as to dispatch it for us?” she asked sincerely, as if she fully expected him to refuse her. I think I saw him move his head in a nod, but it was so small, he could as well have just ignored her.
Kagome and Rin disappeared over the hill, and within the next second Sesshomaru had fazed out of my vision and reappeared with his hand around my neck as he thrust me up against the tree I had been hiding behind, a perfectly plucked eyebrow raised in question.
“What business do you have still breathing?” he asked.
“What? No hello after all this time, dear brother?” I asked back sarcastically, despite the fact that I was gasping at the moment.
“This Sesshomaru will repeat himself only once. Why are you here? Did the deceased miko not drag you to hell as Kagome said?” he asked coolly, but I didn’t absorb any of his words other than his blatant use of Kagome’s name. I saw a red tint around my vision as pent up rage threatened to break loose, and I managed to rip his fingers from around my neck and unsheathe the Tessaiga in two moves. Sesshomaru displayed his superior youkai speed by already having Tokijin ready to battle before I had the Tessaiga completely transformed, but I was too far gone to care.
Metal clashed with metal as I attacked him recklessly over and over, with Sesshomaru blocking them flawlessly. The strangest thing was, he never even tried to attack me, as if he was just humoring me. The asshole.
Finally, I was starting to get tired, and he managed to knock me over when I left my right side open. He stood there with Tokijin at my throat, and something close to irritation in his eyes.
“Why are you still alive?” he asked again.
“What do you care, bastard?” I gasped, having had the wind knocked out of me when I fell.
“Answer this Sesshomaru’s question.”
We glared at each other for what must have been a full five minutes before I finally relented.
“A Kami intervened with my death. I’ve….come back for Kagome.” I answered, not having the balls to look him in the eyes. He made that stupid little grunting noise, and then sheathed Tokijin.
“Baka.” Was his only reply, not that I was surprised. Bastard probably thought I was lying, but there was nothing he can do about that.
He turned away from me and began walking towards the village, and a shiver of terror went down my spine.
“Don’t tell Kagome I’m here!” I shouted, panicking.
“I have no reason to hide anything from the living ningen. Why would I not alert her to your presence? You are a threat to her existence, and therefore the education of my ward.” He said calmly, not bothering to turn completely around.
“Bastard! I’d never hurt her!” I shouted back. And since when did he give a damn, anyway?
Sesshomaru turn fully around to look at me, his stone face never moving. There was a look in his eye that somehow reminded me that, yes, I did hurt her. And even before this whole ordeal, I hurt her all the time…but things were different now! I’ve been to hell (sort of) and back, I’ve learned my lesson.
“Do what you wish. I have no interest in the on goings of hanyou and ningen.” He insisted, and disappeared over the hill to the village. ________________
Turns out Kagome was teaching all of the village children how to read and do math, and for a minute I was worried what one of the lords parading around might think of literate commoners. Would they try to execute her? Over my dead body! But still, the village brats might have problems…
From what I could hear, she wasn’t teaching them anything too difficult, and somehow managed to work little stories into the lesson, so the kids paid attention. Finally, after almost an hour of this, she dismissed the kids in order to go on patrol of the forest.
“Sesshomaru-sama, Sesshomaru-sama! I know how to write your name!” the little ward ran to him, waving a piece of parchment. Sesshomaru took it from her outstretched hands and tucked it into his armor, turning when Kagome spoke to him.
“Did you find the youkai?” she asked.
“It was unworthy of this Sesshomaru’s blade. It won’t attack the village. This Sesshomaru leaves the disposal of the pitiful creature to you, Miko.” He told her haughtily, and I clenched my teeth at how he spoke. Bastard knew I could probably hear him. What an asshole.
“Alright. Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama. Rin-chan is very bright, I hope you can start bringing her more often.” Kagome answered, and I had to choke back a growl. Sure, Kagome probably just wanted to see the child, but all I heard was ‘I hope to see you more often, Sesshomaru-sama!’ in that ridiculously nice voice of hers.
My brother left in a whirl of fur, and that left Kagome alone, and I could tell that she was discouraged by that fact. She grabbed her bow and arrows, and began unknowingly walking towards me.
It was almost sunset, and I jumped ahead, drawing her with my youki in order to ensure that we would be alone.
I ended up at the Goshinboku, but I stayed near the trunk so she would see me as soon as she got to the clearing. I tried to plan on what I was going to say, but…I couldn’t think, my mind was buzzing with excitement and dread.
I’m not sure what I expected, but when she raised her head from watching her step, and our eyes met, we must have stood there staring at each other for an hour.
“InuYasha…” she whispered my name. It was like a blessing on my ears, I hadn’t heard it so long.
“Kagome…” I answered back, and she blinked at me, not believing her own eyes. The slightly surprised look smoothed into one of indifference.
“The jewel is gone. Why are you here?” she stated, sounding exactly like my hard-ass brother.
“Kagome!” a shrill voice shouted. Shippou came running through the underbrush behind her, and darted between her legs to crawl up her clothes and perch himself on her shoulder.
“I smelled him! I smelled him all the way from the hut! I thought you said he left with Kikyou!” he shouted in her face, but she ignored him as she looked at me pensively.
“Well, InuYasha?” she asked. I tried to speak, I really did, but nothing came out. I was too…I don’t know what I was; all I know was that my mouth wasn’t working. She must have waited for a full minute before the slightest frown graced her face, and she turned away, a small ‘humph’ noise escaping her.
They both left me without another word, and then that crappy, familiar feeling filled my gut. Rejection. I was used to it, sure. But now I was getting it from the few people who didn’t give it to me the moment they saw me…nope, they were fools enough to wait around until I could prove I was deserving of it.
And instead of it being for reasons that I could hate them back for, like being a hanyou, it was all entirely my doing. Well thanks a lot, giant unnamed Kami…what the hell was I supposed to do now?
Mixing with the feeling of rejection, a heavy dose of melancholy dropped itself on my being. Sure, the Kami had given me another chance, but whoever said Kagome would, or should, for that matter? I know that if it had been me in her shoes, I would have struck myself down the moment I saw me.
Damn, but it still hurt like hell to see her walk away from me like that. Kikyou used to do the exact same thing, and it hurt just as much.
Huh. That’s the first thought I’ve given to Kikyou since I escaped that purgatory. What the hell had happened that I don’t think about her all the time, anymore? I used to not be able to get her off of my mind, but now…now she’s gone forever.
Well hadn’t she been gone forever when Kagome first broke the seal on me? And before she’d even been resurrected, she was on my mind 90% of the time. Was it just because I’d found out that she was dead?
I can answer that easily. Yeah it was. I was in mourning; of course she was on my mind. And then right when I was starting to get used to it, BAM! She was back with a vengeance, literally. And even though I’d seen her point an arrow at me more times than I’d care to count, sometimes…I don’t know…I’d see the real Kikyou in her eyes every now and then, and fall in love with her all over again.
What a fool I am.
And I knew it bothered Kagome whenever I saw her….but I couldn’t stop. And now…now I’m beneath her notice.
____________
She knew I never left the forest surrounding the village, but she avoided me, and I her. Well, not exactly. I was sort of stalking her, but I made sure we never met face-to-face.
I had to admit, she did seem pretty content. But then again, it might have been an act. I knew she could sense my aura, and now that she knew who was watching her…But why would she need to put on an act? It’s not like I’m going to laugh at her or something. That’s the only reason people act differently than they usually do, right?
She had a pretty straight forward routine. Wake up in the morning, fix herself some breakfast, and Shippou too, if he was there (seemed like the runt was only around every few days). Then she’d go and pray over two different unmarked graves, one of them probably Kaede’s, the other, who knows.
Then, she would tend to her garden for a good few hours, and although her hands were callused and sun damaged already, her skin managed to stay relatively pale with the hat she wore. After that, it was tending to the elderly and the sick in the village, and then schooling all of the children in the late afternoon.
I did manage to notice that while she did seem content with her life, she wasn’t exactly…happy. Just like Miroku said. The children amused her, the garden brought her a little pleasure, but not one thing that happened during my ‘observance’ really made her smile, really made her laugh out loud like she used to.
At the end of the day, she would sit in front of her hut and sew, sometimes talking to one of the villagers or staring off into the sunset. It was then that I think she…every once and a while I could swear that….bitch is glaring at me!
There was no denying it, she was looking at the exact tree I sat in and man if I wasn’t determined, I would have run in the opposite direction so fast, Kouga would be left coughing up my dust. But this was the first time she acknowledged my aura since our ‘meeting’ at the Goshinboku, so I had to suck it up and confront her.
I leaped down from my perch, and walked as nonchalantly as I could to her. She kept her head stubbornly down when she realized that I was actually coming to talk. I wonder what was going through her head when she was glaring at me…
“Kagome.” I stated as a greeting, completely unsure on how to go about this.
“I’m to be addressed as Miko, or Kagome-sama.” She stated as if I were some rude stranger. I swallowed my spiteful words that were clamoring at my throat to shout back at her, to demand that she look at me like she used to. Instead, I clenched my fists and bit out my reply.
“M-miko-sama.” I thought it would bother her, because that’s exactly how everyone used to address Kikyou. But to my surprise, she looked at me patiently, even pityingly. If there’s anything I hate more than people giving me shit about being a half demon, it’s the people giving me pity! The words stampeded back up my throat and out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“Funny how much you use to deny being like Kikyou, you’re acting just like her!” I said nastily, and I saw her hands turn white at how hard she was clutching her needle. Hah, comparing her to Kikyou always got the biggest rise; she can’t ignore or pity me when she wants to kill me.
She seemed to count to ten in her head, and released all of the tension she held in her body. She casually opened her mouth to reply.
“Funny how you’re still sniffing around here like a stray when you’re supposed to be honoring your lady by staying with her.” She said back, cold as ice. It froze my insides, my tongue, and my heart. I was no better than a stray, now?
The bravado I had a moment ago was gone, replaced with guilt. And not the throbbing twinge of guilt I usually saw after visiting Kikyou. No, this was more like the gut wrenching, heart clenching, make-you-want-to-bury-yourself kind of guilt, the kind that no sane person can live with for long.
“Kagome, look…I-I know this looks bad, but I-”
“Looks bad?” she asked in a dangerously quiet voice. I stopped in the middle of my explanation, looking at her with dread. I got the same kind of feeling as I did when Sango screamed at me.
“Do you want to know what looks bad, InuYasha? A pathetic girl lying in a hut, waiting for someone to return, crying her eyes out because she knows he never will. Do you know what else looks bad? The way everyone seemed to think she’d never get over, that she’d just…kill herself, or something.” I gasped, and for the first time she looked me right in the eyes; I could see the truth. Had she really been dealing with all of THIS?
“I guess you know how that feels. Even Kaede made sure to never leave me alone!” she told me. To her credit, she wasn’t crying, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to shout at her to stop.
“Kagome, no one would ever want you to kill yourself!” I practically shouted.
“But they expected it! Why the hell am I even talking to you about it, anyway? It’s not like you give a damn!” she shouted. I gasped again…I was kind of expecting that accusation, but…she’s never sworn before.
“For the longest time I planned on it, you know.” She had discarded the kimono in her lap. “Are you really that surprised? I’ve followed you to the ends of the earth, why not into the afterlife, too?” her voice cracked.
“But I’m not the same person I was back then. I’m not a fool in love anymore.” She turned to me to see my reaction. In reality, I didn’t really have one; I was too busy reeling from her words. But she took it the wrong way.
“God, little girls should never be allowed to actually live in fantasies. Once upon a time a girl fell in love with a hero, and they live happily ever after. Well GUESS WHAT?” she yelled at the ground, seemingly unable to look me in the eyes. “Reality check! The heroine is dead, and all that’s left is some pathetic stand-in that deluded herself into thinking that everything would turn out all right! So what’s left when the villain in gone and the hero joins the tragic woman in death? Nothing but a torn up piece of a thing that doesn’t have the will to live, that’s what!”
“No, Kagome! That’s not how it is and you know it!” I tried to stop the tirade. My defensive instincts were kicking in; I had to stick up for myself.
“Bull shit! What did you honestly think would happen to me when you left, huh InuYasha? Did you think I’d just jumped down the well and forget all about this place? Forget you? Do you really not think of me at all when you make these decisions?” she turned to me.
“Of course not!” I bellowed, unable to stop myself now. “How on earth was I supposed to focus on how you ‘dealt’ with it? In case you don’t remember, I was a little preoccupied with your fatal injury that only happened because I couldn’t take care of you! Not to mention I was a little distracted by the promise I made to the woman who came first! What the hell do you want from me, wench!?”
Her face froze in that horrible, angry grimace, and then loosened to a cool look. There was no hatred that I could see in her stare, so I went on.
“You fucking act like the world revolves around you, did you ever consider the fact that I never actually wanted to go to hell? That it was just my duty? That if I refused my honor would be gone? My honor is the only damn thing I have, what the hell would I do then, huh woman?”
I realized I was ranting at her, and I tried to soften my voice.
“I know it’s not fair, I know! But I’m back now. I’ve been given another chance! Please, please don’t take it for granted.” I begged her. Kagome’s eyes widened a fraction, and then she turned her head away from me, hiding her eyes with her hair.
At first I thought she was silently weeping, the way her shoulders shook. But then I saw that the corner of her mouth was turned up in a small, wicked smile. Her shoulders, her chest, and then her whole body was shaking in mirth.
After a moment of holding it in, a chuckle spilled from her mouth, which grew into a cruel laugh, which burst into the hysteric shrieking of a woman who just realized the hilarity in horror…mine, apparently.
She no longer sounded like a girl, her humorous giggles a lift to the people around her…no, Kagome was no longer a girl. She sounded almost like Kagura or Princess Abi when I faced them down, laughing at my arrogance and naiveté-how dare I think I could possible take them.
“Y-you know,” she started to say, panting from the force of her laughter. “You’ve got a lot of nerve, talking about taking things for granted, InuYasha.”
My ears flattened into my hair, and I felt my heart sputter in my chest just before she looked at me, showing her true feelings for the first time.
“I will never be with you.” She said evenly. She turned, and spoke over her shoulder. “Take that for granted, you bastard.”
Bitter hatred.
(Author's Note)
The End!!!
Gah! don't hurt me!!!
Did I say three parts? I meant four.
Seriously, this stupid thing is kicking my butt, it just doesn't want to end!
I'm a little disappointed to say that I kind of hate this chapter, but there's really nothing more I can do for it.
The next one will be much better, although whether or not it'll wrap things up...I don't know...
Also, character talk. I know InuYasha should've been smart and kept his nose down the whole time instead of getting defensive, but since when is he really ever been tactful?
And for Kagome, I thought I should just mention that she is displaying what I call the Coutrney Love philosophy, in that although some people expect (and probably wouldn't blame) her to commit suicide and follow the man she loves, she rises above and proves her amazing strength (again) in living on for herself.
Well, let's just hope this doesn't demand to be made into a full blown story instead of just a continuing one-shot...damn plot bunnies...hate them sooo much.