InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Revelation, Realization & Redemption ❯ chapter 10 ( Chapter 10 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters they are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. This story was written for the purposes of entertainment and I by no means will profit from the story other than the satisfaction of exercising my imagination and writing abilities.

 

 

Chapter 10: Kikyo, Inuyasha, Kagome: Honest Hearts

 

“Inuyasha” Kikyo's voice startled him from his thoughts, “why aren't you with them?” The dead miko hadn't intended to come to him, but a force had tugged at her soul. Pulling her to this place where she saw him, alone and in obvious pain. Something had to be wrong. Maybe he was ready to come with her. Triumph shone briefly in her eyes at the thought. His acceptance of his fate must have been the compelling force that brought her here.

 

“I needed time to think. I need to figure out how I am going to tell Kagome that I have chosen you. I need to let her know when this is over that I will go to hell with you, and she will go back to her time where she belongs.”

 

Kikyo was incensed. Jealousy ran through her veins. “That should be rather simple. The girl has no claims on you. I have your heart and soul, and soon I shall have your body as well. There is nothing to explain.” Kikyo stated her voice even. In the dead miko's mind there was no need to explain any of this. There was no other alternative. It was destiny.

 

“I care for her Kikyo. She has shed tears over me. She cares about me. Kagome accepted me as I am. No one has ever done that before.”

 

“The Inuyasha I knew didn't have such emotions. Nor did he need or want them. They were weak and pointless. The Inuyasha I knew thought emotions and human sentiments were beneath his time and notice. You have changed. This girl has changed you. You say she has accepted you as you are,” she said her voice dripping with the bitterness that ate at her, “but she has manipulated you without your knowing and changed you. She has made you soft and weak.”

 

“No, I haven't changed. You have.” Inuyasha replied sadly, “but that's my fault too. I know my fate is yours and I will join you in hell. But I've given my word that I would see this through until the end and I will. When this is over I will be with you for always. It's my fault you are here now. It was my lack of faith that caused the manner of your death. So it is my choice to be with you and take my share of the pain.”

 

“You speak of duty not of love. But then again, love is a shallow emotion that makes the heart insecure and vengeful. It deprives the soul of peace and the mind of logic, creating a spiral of emotional destruction that will ultimately thrust mankind into the fiery pits of hell.” Kikyo said bitterly as she looked at him with those cold dead eyes that never failed to pierce his heart with the emptiness held in their depths. They served as constant reminders of what he had done. He remembered when her eyes had shone bright with feeling, with life, now they mostly were cold, dead and unfeeling.

 

“I wish you could know that love isn't like that. But as you say, my heart and soul are not mine to give away. My promises are, and I have promised to finish this. I have also promised you that I'll go with you willingly when this is over. I don't know what else you want from me.”

 

“I just hope your promises are more trustworthy than your love.” She replied as her soul seekers once again carried her away into the night. He watched in silence until she was out of sight. He closed his eyes and sighed, Inuyasha knew he would have to tell Kagome. He would have to face her tears. His heart heavy with the thought Inuyasha knew he must return to the others. He could not delay this any longer.

 

Inuyasha turned around only to come face to face with Kagome. Midnight eyes locked with amber ones. He saw the hurt that lingered in their depths. Inuyasha smelled the faint scent of salt in the air and he knew that she was on the verge of crying for him, as she had done so many times before. The air between them hung thick and heavy with the tension of all that was unspoken between them. He was scared to speak; afraid that words would shatter the moment in which they stood. Send them careening over the precipice on which they were now precariously perched into the void below, irrevocably shattering every feeling that was between them and he would be alone once more. Kami help him he was selfish. He needed her love, just as he needed air to breathe.

 

He looked at her. She stood there bathed in the pale light flickering through the trees a soft breeze blowing through her hair. Even now, he thought, in her sorrow and heartbreak she was a beautiful sight to behold. Her face was an exquisite sculpture made not of marble, conjured from the imagination but of flesh and blood. Inuyasha knew he was not worthy of her tears. But yet his hungry heart reveled in the fact that they were for him. She loved him. He needed that so much. Everywhere he had ever gone he had met with hatred and worse yet indifference, until Kagome.

“Kagome” he said softly, the name but a whisper on his breath, evaporating in the air between them almost as quickly as it was said.

 

She heard the emotions held in that one word. She felt them as if she could reach out and touch them. They were swimming in the tension that was between them. His pain, his anguish, his desperation and her heart was filled with compassion. He needed her. She would be strong, for him. Kagome knew she couldn't run this time. She would stay and hear him out. This time she would be strong. She could keep her emotions at bay, she had to.

 

He saw the flicker of determination in his eyes. Inuyasha knew that the miko before him was willing to hear him out. Not for her sake but for his. His heart broke with the knowledge that she was willing to sacrifice her own happiness, her own well being for his. No one had ever done that. And she had, too many times already. If only his heart was his own. It wasn't. He had given it away as well as his promise. He prayed that she would understand. He hoped that she had the strength to hear him out. And most importantly he prayed that he would not kill her love for him. He knew that was selfish. But her love was the one good thing that had truly ever happened to him, and he couldn't bear to let it go or share it with anyone else.

 

Kagome stood there in front of him. Her heart breaking at the scene she had just witnessed. She knew all too well what is was like to give your love only to have it thrown into your face as if it were nothing. She grieved for him, for his loss, and for his battered heart. The young miko had heard enough to know he did care for her, that it was his concern for her feelings that had kept him silent. He didn't want to let go of her, just as she couldn't let go of him. Inuyasha needed comfort right now, and she would be there for him.

 

“Inuyasha” Kagome's voice was like a balm to his bleeding heart. He closed his eyes, he felt her hand on his cheek and he felt like a child again. It had been so long since someone had actually touched him like that. He closed his eyes to let the feeling of security that he only felt when he was with her wash over him. The gentle tones of her voice soothed him as she spoke, her compassion stroking his soul, soothing the firestorm that was consuming it. “It's okay. I know. You don't have to say anything. I just wish I could give you what you wanted. Seeing you like this breaks my heart.”

 

His heart constricted then. A silent tear escaped and ran down his cheek, only to be brushed away by her gentle hand. Amber eyes opened and looked towards the heavens in torment. He wanted to howl in frustration and guilt. Her heart was breaking for him. That realization struck the hanyou more forcible than any blow he received from any demon they had fought. Inuyasha knew he deserved no such consideration from her, but yet she gave it to him without asking anything in return. Indeed he had given her nothing in return. He had nothing to give her. He grasped her hand then, and gently took it in his own.

 

“Kagome, don't cry for me. Don't love me. Kami help me, I need you to. Leave me alone if you know what is good for you. I will only hurt you. My heart…”

 

“Isn't your own. But your promises are.” She finished for him. Inuyasha knew then that she had heard everything. She had been there all along. If his heart hadn't been so full of other emotions he would have smiled then. He would have been proud of her becoming so adept at hiding her presence that even Kikyo hadn't noticed her there. “As for loving you, I can't help that. That's part of who I am. You need my help, my forgiveness and understanding and I will give you that. I know you love Kikyo. My only wish is that I could make her love you back. The way she did when she was alive. Inuyasha, I'm not hurt because you love Kikyo. We all love so many people. That's just part of being human. You're being a demon has no effect on it either, love is a stronger power than you realize, it is infinite and ever giving.” Oh how he wished that it were so.

 

“Kagome, I pledged myself to her long ago, she is the only one I can take as my mate.” Inuyasha pleaded with her to understand. The look in her eyes when she spoke to him gave life to feelings and reactions that he had never known before. Never in his entire life had anyone offered him so much unconditional love. If he had he not heard her words and felt all the feelings that gave them voice he would not have believed it possible. But he had. Inuyasha had to make her stop. This was too much for him to bear. He only wondered how could she if he could barely stand to feel them? Kagome was human after all. How could this small slip of a woman be stronger than he?

 

Kagome blushed at the implication, when she suddenly realized that she didn't want that from Inuyasha. She never had. No, what she felt for him was something else. It wasn't the attraction that a woman had for a man. She didn't know exactly. It was just different, and she couldn't put a name to it. She knew she loved him deeply, but being with him that way, seemed wrong and unnatural. “Inuyasha.” She said patiently as she regained her composure, “I don't want to be your mate. I want to be your friend.”

“But…you heard…I chose Kikyo…you cried, you've been upset all week…”he stammered, his confusion evident. What other kind of love was there? Was this only something that she could feel? Or was she going to take her love away from him? His heart lurched at the thought.

 

“I was hurt because you told Kikyo that you cared for me only because I reminded you of her.” Kagome had said it. She had spoken the words to him, and she was surprised at her own lack of anger when she did so.

 

“Kagome,” Inuyasha didn't know what to say. He had said those words, and at the time he thought he had meant them. Now as he looked down into her stormy midnight eyes, he knew. When he saw what they had suddenly lacked he knew. She was different than Kikyo. There was a joy to her that Kikyo had never possessed. Hopefully he hadn't destroyed what had made Kagome special. “I was wrong. You look like her, and yes you do remind me of her, but there is an inner joy that you have that she lacked, even then. You treat everyone with kindness just as she did, but it's different. There aren't words to explain it, but you are so different than her. I know that now. Only you could still care about me after everything. Only you would still accept me. I'm sorry.” He finished simply.

 

She knew he meant it. And she gave him a small smile full of understanding and warmth. He smiled back and the light flickered to life in the depths of midnight eyes once more. She placed her arms around him and gave him a hug, “I've already forgiven you. I didn't realize that until just now. We've been through so much together. We've fought side by side, faced countless demons and have come out with our lives. I trust you, as I know you trust me. I do love you. It's a deep love, but it's not the kind of love mates would feel for one another. But I think it's just as binding in its own way. Even if you went to hell you would always have a place in my heart. Do you understand?”

 

And he did. Kami help him, but he understood. Only Kagome could have made him understand. She felt his nod and instinctively knew that he was too overcome with emotions to speak. Her heart and mind were at peace, again. She had finally faced, identified and understood what was truly between them. She was glad that there was finally some honesty about their feelings. Kagome sighed content in the newfound realization that she had grown up enough to know the difference.

 

Knowing that he would want to compose himself, she released her hold on him and went back to camp, leaving him to pull his thoughts and emotions back into order. That night she had the first restful sleep she had in a week. Inuyasha once more slept in the tree top directly above Kagome who had again had fallen asleep to dream dreams of a young man from her time. A young man named Hojo.