InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sacrifice ❯ The pain of remembering ( Chapter 5 )

 

 

It had been two weeks since Kagome had returned to the village and still her memory had not returned. In fact, not only had it not returned but she remembered no more now, then she did that day by the hot spring with Inuyasha. She always smiled and laughed with the others, but in truth the person it was hardest on was her. She knew how much she was hurting the others with her lost memory. They were all strangers to her now and as she had been told they had once all been the best and closest of friends.

 

She did everything she could to make the others think that she was ok, but in truth the only thing she felt was complete and nearly suffocating sadness and loneliness. She didn't know where the feelings came from but they kept her awake at night and distracted during the day.

 

“Where are you going Kagome?” Sango asked and Kagome stopped for a moment to simply look at the woman she was supposed to be a sister to.

 

“Just for a walk,” she answered softly and gave the best smile she could at the moment, it was only a small smile, but it seemed to be enough.

 

“Would you like some company?” the woman asked with a hopeful smile.

 

“I'm sorry Sango, not this time,” Kagome said softly hating the look of soft hurt in the woman's brown eyes. “Maybe another time?”

 

“Maybe. Here, at least Kirara with you,” Sango said and the tiny kitten on her shoulder hopped into Kagome's arms.

 

“Thank you Sango,” she said and turned to walk out the door. “Let's go little kitty.”

 

Kagome walked for a long time, never noticing once that she had a follower in the trees watching over her. The girl walked deep into the forest traveling until the intenseness of her dark feelings overwhelmed her and she fell to her knees, Kirara hopping a little bit away and transforming into her larger size before returning to her friend. Kagome's arms wrapped around Kirara's neck in a desperate grip as she sobbed into the feline's thick fur, the giant fire cat making a soft mournful half growl half moan at her friend's tears.

 

The one that had been following her alighted on the ground behind her silently and gently took her from the cat, gathering her in his arms to sit in his lap as he held and rocked her. He petted her hair in long soothing strokes and did his best to soothe her. It was the third day now that he'd found her like this and he wondered just how many other times she had come out here to cry. Sighing he shook his head sadly and kissed the weeping girl's hair.

 

“Shhh, hush Kagome,” Toga whispered to her softly as he rocked her slowly. “What hurts you so little one?” he asked, his face and voice sad as he tried to comfort her.

 

“I - I'm al-alright,” she hiccupped as she tried to stop her tears from falling.

 

“No, shh it's alright sweetheart. Cry if you need to, I'll be here to hold you,” Toga soothed as he rubbed her back gently.

 

“I - I'm sorry I can't remember you,” she cried as her tears flowed faster, harder, the salt water feeling like acid to her and her head filling with an aching pain from the force of her tears.

 

“You've no need to,” he said to her gently as he leaned against Kirara's side, the feline curling her giant body around them as she lay on the ground. “You never met me before that day. It seems though that I have you to thank for gaining a second chance at life.”

 

“I-I'm s-sorry.”

 

“No little one, I'm not upset. In fact I'm more than grateful for it. You've given me a chance to know my youngest son, Inuyasha. He was just a pup when I died. But I have him back now thanks to you,” he told her quietly. “You're so very tired, aren't you?” he asked when she yawned. “Your scent has been thick with exhaustion for a long time now. Come on sweetheart,” he said and maneuvered them to lie on their sides as he held her, their bodies pillowed by Kirara and blanketed by her thick tails. “A little nap won't hurt.”

 

He petted her hair gently until she had fallen asleep and held the girl in his arms. Kirara's big head turned to them and looked down on Kagome, a sad moaning growl coming from her.

 

“I know Kirara,” Toga said as he scratched her ear gently. “It's not easy to see her like this is it?” The big cat shook her head sadly. “Has she come out here like this often?”

 

:Everyday: Kirara mind spoke to him.

 

“Do any of the others know?” e asked her softly as he looked down upon the sleeping woman in his arms.

 

:No one but you and I:

 

“Poor thing,” he said softly. “She wants them all to believe she fine, that it doesn't bother her how much they push her to remember, but it hurts her so deeply.”

 

:She hurt long before this. Ask Inuyasha for her diary; ask him to show you her last entry.:

 

“That's why the jewel took her memory. I haven't told the others yet, but I know why the jewel didn't claim her life. Her wish was pure yes, but it was also meant for the others and not herself. To purify the jewel, the wish must be made with purity in its intent, but the wish must also be made for the one wishing upon it. She has no memory because the jewel felt her pain and spared her more of it by removing her memories. If she couldn't remember who she was, then she couldn't be in pain anymore. Sound logic I guess, but worse for her in the long run.”

 

“Grandpa?” a young child's voice sounded from the forest and Toga looked up to see a young face peeking from around one of the trees not too far away.

 

“Rin, come here child,” he said to her with a smile.

 

He loved this tiny girl so much; he loved it when she called him `Grandpa'. Rin stood peeking out from behind the tree a moment longer before moving from behind it and slowly making her way toward the inuyoukai she called her grandfather. Her chocolate eyes gazed upon Kagome and she bit her lip in worry as she looked up at Toga with wide eyes.

 

“Will Kagome be alright?” she asked softly having seen the young woman crying in his arms.

 

“Yes, with time,” he said and sighed as he wrapped the girl in one arm and held her to the side opposite Kagome. “How old are you now Rin?” he asked her and kissed her hair.

 

“I'm almost ten sir,” she said politely.

 

“Oh none of that now,” he chided gently. “Call me Toga or Grandpa, `Sir' makes me feel old.”

 

Rin giggled at that since calling him Grandpa apparently made him feel younger than Sir did. She snuggled up against his side and he toyed with her hair until she too slept against his side. Had Izayoi been alive he knew for certain that she would be smiling at him fondly, perhaps with tears in her eyes at the scene they all made together. How many portraits had she commissioned the palace artists to make for her of nothing more than him sitting like this with his sons beneath the flowering sakura and Mongolia trees? There had to be hundreds hidden away back at the castle.

 

A light skittering in the leaves made the inuyoukai aware that there was someone else near as well and he looked up to see Shippou crouched on the ground with wide green eyes that blinked at him before settling on his adoptive mother. Both of Toga arms were occupied with holding either girl so he simply motioned the kit over with a nod of his head. He watched as the kitsune youkai kit bit his bottom lip, his fangs showing rather adorably as he stood statuesque still for a moment before bounding over as quietly as he could and burrowing into Kagome's sleeping arms and curling up for a nap as well.

 

Toga smiled softly and shook his head in silent wonder and laughter. He couldn't remember ever having been so curled up with a pile of sleeping bodies as he was now, but nevertheless he liked it. He felt privileged, special that he was gifted with not only his life once more, but all that was around him as well. Well, why not join the others, he thought with a yawn as the collected warmth of the bodies curled up and around him made him sleepy and he too closed his eyes for an afternoon nap.

 

It was hours later as the sun began its slow descent into the western sky that they all awoke the children and Toga first. Shippou slowly moved out of his mother's arms and hopped on top of Toga's head earning a chuckle from the inuyoukai before hopping to the forest floor beside Rin.

 

“Speak of her upset to no one little ones,” Toga said to the children gently, the seriousness of his words clear in his golden eyes.

 

“Ok Grandpa,” Rin said and kissed his blue striped cheek before moving away, Shippou following after her as they ran in youthful exuberance back through the village and into the village beyond.

 

Toga looked down to the sleeping woman in his arms, her cheek pillowed on his chest and smiled softly upon her as he petted her thick hair and kissed her hair.

 

“Time to wake up sweet girl,” he said to her and watched with a soft find smile as Kagome awoke, her fisted hands rubbing at her eyes as her mouth opened in a wide yawn. “You need to sleep tonight,” he said as he helped her up into a sitting position before standing and pulling her up alongside him.

 

“Yeah, I guess so,” she said and yawned again as she rubbed the dryness from her eyes.

 

Toga wrapped an arm around her waist and held her to his side as he walked through and out of the forest with her afraid the sleepy girl might simply fall over and go back to sleep in the grass. As they stepped out of the forest, Kagome's eyes roved over the village in front of them and she stopped cold her eyes fixed on a woman dressed in miko's clothing. The woman's back was turned to them but Kagome still felt as though she knew her.

 

“Kagome?” Toga asked as she moved away from his side and began walking toward the woman gathering night harvesting herbs.

 

“I know her,” Kagome said her voice soft and distracted as she moved toward the woman as though in a trance.

 

“Oh, hello Kagome,” the young woman said as she turned around.

 

“I know you,” Kagome said her face focused on her and her whole being seemed to search for the memories pertaining to this miko.

 

“Yes, I'm Kikyou.”

 

“Ki-kyou,” Kagome said the woman's name slowly, thoughtfully as she looked upon her, studied her.

 

Suddenly Kagome fell to her knees, crying out as she grasped her head in pain. Memories, voices images, too many things were flashing through her mind and every new thing after the last caused excruciating pain, it felt as though her head was being ripped open violently and hot lava was being poured in.

 

“What are you still doing here?” she heard Kikyou's voice say harshly from a distant memory. “You don't belong here! Go Home!”

 

“You're nothing like Kikyou!” she heard Inuyasha yell at her.

 

“So you're the reincarnation huh? Interesting,” she heard Miroku's voice say.

 

“Just a weak little girl, she doesn't look too strong to me,” an unidentifiable voice sounded,

 

“You're nothing more than a reincarnation little girl. A bad copy, you'll never be as good as the original. She's better than you even as she walks this earth dead,” that voice - Naraku? Who was Naraku?

 

“Inuyasha will come to hell with me. You have no hold over him. Just my reincarnation, did you think he could ever love you?” Kikyou again.

 

“So do you think you love Inuyasha because you love him, or because Kikyou loved him? I mean you are her reincarnation,” Sango's voice asked her in wonder.

 

 

Kagome felt herself dragged into someone's arms, her cries and screams of pain drawing everyone to her. Her eyes were open but she couldn't see anything around her as the memories flooded her mind and caused a pain so deep in both her soul and her head that she thought she was surely dying.

 

“Shh,” she heard someone whisper to her as who ever was holding her rocked her gently.

 

“It hurts,” she sobbed as she clutched her head.

 

“What does?” that voice, Inuyasha was holding her.

 

“I remember.”

 

“What do you remember?” he asked as she moved out of his arms and stood up on shaky legs.

 

“Everything,” she said her eyes wide with horror and a sadness so deep any who looked in her eyes could feel it. “I…it wasn't…”

 

Suddenly and without warning Kagome turned and ran as fast as she could, the others giving chase after her as she ran to the enchanted well. Toga was the closest to her but even he wasn't fast enough to catch her before she jumped into the well and disappeared. The inuyoukai, father to the other two, looked down into the well and shook his head sadly before turning to his youngest son.

 

“Her diary Inuyasha, show it to me. Show me her last entry,” he said and watched as his son pulled a small black leather bound book with a silver lock on it out of his haori.

 

Opening the lock with his claw, Inuyasha turned through the pages until he reached the last entry written. Running his fingertips over the small Kanji that lay printed on the lined page, he closed his eyes and sighed sadly before passing it to his father to read. Moments later a single word was heard from Toga, his voice soft and sad.

 

“Damn.”