InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Say the Magical Words ❯ Damn, I'm Sexy! ( Chapter 9 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Yes, I know, I was once again completly off topic with the last chapter. But I'm trying to get there! I have a clue on how I want this all to end, but my muse dosen't always want to work, so my storie's been going around in senseless loops. Sorry about that. But hey, this chapter actually has to do with the main plot, though I probably covered it with a lot of mindless schemes. Still, I hope you enjoy!


Inuyasha woke up four hours later with a grumbling stomach and a major hangover. Looking out the living room window, he noticed that it was dark. What time is it? It must not have been too late because he could still hear someone talking upstairs. Rising shakily on unsteady legs, he slowly climbed the stairs.

Upon reaching the upper hallway, he noticed that the voice was coming from one of the bathrooms. He put his ear to the door and heard his mother's voice singing in the shower. "R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Tell me what that means to me!" Izayoi screamed at the top of her lungs. She really needs to get her money back. Her singing's worse than amature night at the Apollo, Inuyasha thought. "Mom?" he asked, knocking lightly on the door. Izayoi didn't answer for a few minutes and he thought that she hadn't heard him when the door swung open, revealing a thirty-something year-old woman in a tight black leather suit, showing way too much cleavage. And was that...Glow by J. Lo that he smelled? Where the hell was she going dressed like this?!

"Um...mom? I don't think dad would appreciate you dressing this way..." Izayoi held up her hand to stop him. "I no longer give a damn what your father thinks. I heard what he told Sesshomaru yesterday. If that's how he wants to play, then fine! I have a few "male friends" of my own!" With that, she strutted down the steps and out the front door. A moment later he could hear the roar of his father's motorcycle screeching out of the palace gates. What talk did dad and Sesshomaru have? He shrugged off the question and started to head toward his room. Opening the door, he noticed that there was someone already in his bed. Probably Sesshomaru since he still hasn't gotten his room back from Kirara. But a quick sniff told him otherwise.

"Naraku?" The form on the bed shifted and then a head rose up. "Hello, Inuyasha," the spider demon said. "I've been waiting for you." "Gee, Naraku, that's awfully nice, but...how can I put this? You're not really my type. I'm really into blondes and brunettes. Know any?" Naraku's face brightened. "Well, actually I do! My friend Tiffany has been looking for someone to settle down with, and I promised that I'd try and help her! If there's one thing I love more than chocolate cake and a good movie on Lifetime, it's seeing a well-matched couple. In fact, all my friends call me Hitch!"

Inuyasha stared at him for a moment, before slowly starting to back out of the room. It's okay, boy, he tried to reassure himself. This is all just a dream. When I wake up, there'll be no grown men in my room. But Naraku suddenly shot across the distance between them and swooped him up into his arms. A bright light covered them both and next thing Inuyasha knew, he was standing on a stone floor in a barely furnished room. On a poorly made tatami mat sat Sesshomaru. "Man, this shit sucks!" he said, speaking to Naraku. The spider merely smiled at him.

"There, now my plan can fully take place!" Setting some magazines, scissors, glue and a sheet of white construction paper down in front of them, he said. "Here, make me a ransom note for...one-hundred thousand yen!" The brothers looked at eachother and burst out laughing. "That's all you think we're worth?" Sesshomaru said. "I once tried to sell myself on e-bay, and the bidding even got up to the millions. The only thing that stopped the deal from going through was that the person who wanted to buy me was some African witch doctor who needed the hair of a demon to resurrect some god of his. Well, that and he needed my liver."

Naraku's face once again brightened and he held up a finger in exclamation. "You know Sesshomaru, I think you've got something going here! I can sell you two on e-bay! The world would pay billions--" "I said, millions, not billions, dumb ass" Sesshomaru interjected-- "for the princes of the west." Naraku continued. "Now all I need are some pictures." Grabbing a digital camera he said, "Strike a pose."

Sesshomaru immediately took center stage. Taking off his kimono, he put it over his shoulder and strutted around the room. "That's right, I love it, I love it!" Naraku cooed. "Now act like a tiger. You're an angry tiger!" Sesshomaru got on his hands and knees and crawled slowly towards the camera, pulling back his lips in a mock snarl. "Now act gangsta. You're the leader of a notorious mob and you feel invincible." Sesshomaru put his back to one of the walls of the room and pulled his pants down just far enough to where you could see his boxers. Then, putting one of his legs up, he crosssed his two middle fingers on both hands, hiding his thumbs behind his palms, effectively making a W. "Gotta rep it for the west side, ya heard," he said, making sure his face looked as if he'd just gotten high. Naraku snapped at least a dozen pictures of him like this.

"Okay, now I only need one more. Act...like a butterfly, flittering through the air without a care in the world and bringing happiness and sunshine to all the world..." "That shit sounds fruitier than a pack of Skittles." Sesshomaru said, shuddering at the thought of him "flittering". Naraku shrugged. "It was worth a try." He turned to Inuyasha, who was currently playing a PSP. "Ahem!" Inuyasha didn't even look up. "I said, ahem!" "You need a cough drop?" Inuyasha asked him, still not looking up. Naraku sighed in exasperation and sat down on a couch that had a spring poking out of it. Immediately, from somewhere in the shadows of the place, Kagura appeared and started rubbing his shoulders.

"I don't know, Kagura. Maybe I'm not cut out for this. I mean, the idea sounded good at first, but now, I don't know. Keeping them here would mean having to feed them and run their bath water and read bed time stories." He stopped and looked over to Sesshomaru who was flexing what little muscle he had left in a full length mirror. "You know you look good." he mumbled to himself. "Yeah, you're such a dirty whore!" He turned his back to the mirror and threw some of his hair over his shoulder, casting his reflection a provocative look.

Naraku once again sighed from his positon on the couch."Sesshomaru, come here a moment." The dog demon continued to stare at himself in the mirror. "I would...but I'm...just...too...sexy..." he said dazedly. Grabbing his silver locks, he held it up in what could have been a pony-tail. "What do you think? Up like my dad's (remember, though. Naraku's really his father!), or down? Up, down, up, down?" Nobody answered him and when he turned to examine the room, he saw that it was empty. "Fuckin' haters. They're all jealous of my beauty." And with that, he continued to overly admire himself.

Meanwhile, everyone decided to retreat into the kitchen, even Inuyasha. His batteries had died for his PSP and he was quickly growing bored. "I'm hungry." Naraku looked at him, then lowered his head to yesterday's newspaper that he was reading. "I said, I'm hungry," Inuyasha repeated. "Nice to meet you hungry, I'm thirsty." Inuyasha growled to himself in agitation and went over to where the spider demon was. "I said I'M HUNGRY!" He screamed in his ear. "AND I'M SAYING I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" Naraku yelled back.

Inuyasha thought that it was time to put his current age into action. Throwing himself on the floor, the threw a temper tantrum. "I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'M HUNGRY!" he kicked and hollored. Naraku got up and grabbed a box of macaroni and handed it to him. "Here, you whiny little bitch." "What the hell is this?! Arn't you gonna cook it?" "Oh, now I have to cook it for you! Damn it, Inuyasha! You're too old for me to be showing you how to fucking cook macaroni! Next you're probably going to want me to wipe your ass, huh?" "That'd be nice." Naraku chose to ignore this though.

Sitting down in a chair (still needing a running leap due to size) , Inuyasha opened the box of macaroni. Pouring it out, he went back to the living room and got the supplies that Naraku had laid out earlier and started to do macaroni art. So said demon's eyes widened when he noticed what Inuyasha was doing. He slapped him upside his head and grabbed the paper. "Boy, what the hell you doin'? We ain't got food to waste." He went over to the stove and got a pot of water boiling, plucking the macaroni from the paper and putting it in the pot.

Without looking up, he asked Inuyasha, "Where's the cheese sauce?" But suddenly heard a sucking sound. Looking up, he saw the hanyou licking his fingers devoid of the orange powder. "Oh? You needed that?" he asked. Naraku let loose a loud growl and threw the contents of the pot against the wall. "Fine! There's you're fucking macaroni art!" He threw some more things around the kitchen (the microwave, the toaster, the fridge...) before slumping against the counter and pulling out a cigarette. He was about to light it, when he doubled over and grabbed his stomach in pain. "Damn, I forgot I was pregnant! (though how the hell you just "forget" you're pregnant is beyond me), he groaned, and staggered back into the living room.

Kagura had started to come from around the corner, but immediately hit a U-turn after seeing Naraku. All he'll do is make me play midwife. To hell with him! Naraku gave a very loud cry of pain, and then a mass of black shot out of his side and onto the couch. "Damn, miscarriage", he panted before crashing out on the floor. "Eww," Inuyasha said. "Clean up on aisle five." The mass of black suddenly wobbled like jell-o before sliding off the couch and becoming one with Naraku again. "Now, that was some sick shit," Inuyasha muttered and started to head back into the kitchen when someone grabbed his arm.

"Do you think my lips need collagen?" Sesshomaru asked him. Inuyasha rolled his eyes and kept on walking.

Okay, well there you have it! Another senseless drabble, although the boys location will play later on into the story's main plot. And you know what else? I'm really proud of myself for actually giving Inuyasha more parts. About time! But to me, it's sometimes hard to focus on him when his brother is such an eye candy(the grown version, not mine)! Alright, a little TMI there, sorry. Still, please review!

--Dear Fununderthesun,

Thank you so much for the review! I'm especially gratefull seeing as how you're the only one that's done so so far! But to answer your question about where are the boys powers, honestly, now that I think about it, even I don't know. In the next chapter, I suddenly do have Sesshomaru showing that he does have his powers, though. I guess I got a little too excited while writing this story and never sat down to fully contemplate the whole process of their situation, which is why my story is going in circles. As for them being younger than Rin and Shippou, though they might have aged fifty years, they still look four in human standards, while, in my opinion, (it's okay if yours differs from mine. We're all intitled to our opinions!) I think Shippou would be about six in human years, also considering his current intelligence. I do have Sesshomaru being six in human years, but I guess you could also say that Shippou's older than him by a few months (how would I really know when they were born? They've never said so in the show or movies that I've seen, so that'll be another crazy thing that I've made up). I hope that I've answered all of your questions, I'm happy that you are paying attention to my story and I really hope that you continue to read! Once again, thanks!