InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Horrible Hair Hullabaloo ❯ The Horrible Hair Hullabaloo part 2 ( Chapter 3 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Faewillow- IDK HA! Gonna whack me with a mallet and boil me down for a hair potion, were ya? Serves ya right, getting yourself stuck in Kanna's mirror for your own vanity!

-tries to gloat-

-starts grumbling-

-sighs, stalks off to get one of Kagome's arrows-

-returns with arrow-

'k everyone in the mirror stand back...

-pokes arrow tip into the mirror, overloading it, forcing Kanna to let all of the souls out-

IDontKnow- Faewillow, my wonderful compassionate, kind and gentle soul THANK YOU for getting me out of that predicament!

Yes, it would seem that I was much to vain for my own good! And look! Darlkana gave me a brand new bottle of Rogaine :)

-Opens bottle and slathers Rogaine on the bald spots, after first individually removing about 10 million dead Daffodil stems.-

I need a mirror so I can see my New Frolicking Follicles Frolic up close!

Kanna- Look into my mirror and you can see the hair up close.

IDontKnow- OH NO! NOT AGAIN

-Giant sucking sound as IDK is once again drawn into the mirror of souls-

Hey everything is BIGGER in here this time!

Kanna- It would have to be Naraku had to replace the original one when Faewillow overloaded it. This one is a magnifying mirror!

IDontKnow- Kanna when I get outta here you're in BIG trouble young lady! I shall magnify your tenderness part in my greasiest pan! Faewillow, SakuraSango HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP again!

Faewillow- -sigh-

-shakes head-

-grabs mirror and turns it to Kanna's face, forcing her to release IDK or be sucked in-

-looks at IDK- Hey... I bet Kanna is a maiden...

OH! The Rogaine worked!!! Guess you won't need that potion after all. ^_^

SakuraSango- Oh wow so that's what u look like with hair...cool...so now you must be

really really smart...ummm...u might need a hair cut though...think you

put too much on...

-holds up a 'normal' mirror-...you like...

IDontKnow- OH JOY!! Just look at all the hair! Well, since I look like a hippie I may as well act like one.

-dawns tie-died purple and orange shirt and bell-bottoms, paints a sign that says MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR and plants it in the ground, and starts to sing-

"Goin' up to the Spirit in the sky, it's where I wanna go when I die..."

Kagura- Die you shall! For Picking on my sister! DANCE OF BLADES!!

-Suddenly a shower of wind blades descends on IDK who is missed by most of them, except one that slices a bald trench down the middle of his formally full head of hair -HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HEE HEE You look ridiculous! And as for your singing, keep your day job!

IDontKnow- Uh, what happened?? Faewillow now could you do something about Kagura, she is Reeeeeeeeeeeeeally mad at me

-puts on driver's cap to cover the evidence of the fight-

Boy do those wind blades of hers ever make good barber scissors! I'm going to jump threads now and try to make it back to the Inuyasha thread before she kills me...bye!

Faewillow- Kagura, huh... what did you do to her? You forget, in another thread I demonstrated an aversion to danger...

-realizes that if IDK is bald he'll be looking for a maiden sub again-

-wanders off to ponder ways to eliminate Kagura without getting filleted-

CeeKari- Lol, you people really are crazy. But I guess I'm not really one to talk, am I? ^__^

IDontKnow - CeeKari not crazy really, just bored. I know the Frivolous Fable of the Frolicking Follicles is not Shakespeare, and it certainly has no Political or religious bearing like the Odyssey, but one thing for sure, it kills boredom until the new episodes start!

Faewillow- -looks around nervously- What's wrong with being crazy?

-spots IDK-

-looks confused- Was the reverse Mohawk on purpose? Now you look like Gallagher.

-looks around for watermelons- Hey, with the application of hair growth chemicals, it'll grow back.

IDontKnow- Kagura did this to me! One minute my follicles where fine and frolicking frivolously on my fabulous new head of -gasp- well LOOK AT IT SHE CUT THE MARIANNA'S TRENCH RIGHT THROUGH MY HAIR!

I am angry and upset that she would do this -takes huge bite out of watermelon and talks with mouth full- to me!

-swallows- Hey, I may have the solution. Quick Faewillow, I need $2,211.50!

SakuraSango- Hey don't worry about the hair...you'll start a new trend...umm...but

if u really want it here's $100...

-walks away mumbling- he looks freakier then my friends...

Faewillow- -pulls lint from jeans pockets- hmmm... a bit short on cash. Wait... I have an idea...

-borrows Dad's camera again-

-guides IDK into a classic 'JC Penny's' pose and shoots portrait-

-downloads image into iMac and begins editing-

Here, look at these until the hair grows back...

-hands IDK a series of prints of his portrait, all with a full head of hair, each in a different style-

The dreads were the most fun, except for this one

-picture of IDK with long, curled horns sticking out of his hair, pointed ears, fangs, & whip like tail-

CeeKari- -looks through Hello Kitty change purse- I'm broke -_-' Maybe you can sell these... -hands IDK some IY fan arts-

IDontKnow- -looks at the picture with long, curled horns sticking out of his hair, pointed ears, fangs, & whip like tail- Faewillow!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a great photographer, you captured the "Real Me" thank you!

-Looks admiringly at the pic with the 70's style 'Fro!-

Naraku- There can only be ONE source of never ending evil on Inuyasha, and I happen to be that source

-takes out a small blowgun and shoots a shard of the Shikon No Tama into IDK's neck, rendering the reverse-Mohawk, but still "Devilishly handsome" IDK into a zombie-like state.-

Go forth and wage war on the Public Message Board my faithful servant IDK!

IDontKnow- -In a monotone- Yes Master Naraku

-still speaking in Monotones- Now, I need the $2,111.50 even more than before. I need it to buy Manten's Thunderpike which is for sale on EBay, I can really do some damage with that!

Or maybe I should buy the F-18 complete with bomb racks and shackles they are trying to auction off...nah, think I shall stick to the thunderpike. Since Kagura cut such a whack outta my hair I'd be too stupid to fly an F-18.

Faewillow- Man, IDK didn't even comment on the pic I made of his head on a bikini-clad model's body! Naraku, you insidious creature, you ruined all my fun!

Naraku- -Turns to Faewillow speaking slowly and serenely-

You know I am right when I say that I am the only true source of evil in Sengoku Jidai.

-holds up Shikon No Tama with the tiny missing piece visible-

Even with this incomplete Jewel I control most everything, like when Cartoon Network decides to repeat all 52 episodes over and over ad infinitum ad nauseum.

Why do you think that is? I put a little piece of this jewel to work in the programming director, that's why.

As to your friend in the ugly tie-dyed shirt over there, he is no threat to me. I only put him under my control because -picks up photograph- he looks better in a bikini than I do!

SakuraSango- -looks at IDK- Man, this is so not fair...

-goes over to IDK pulls out her mallet 'n hits IDK till he's knocked out cold-

There that's better...-digs in his pockets 'n grabs her $100- No money for you if your gonna buy weapons...

IDontKnow- `In the sweet world of IDK's dreams there is no Naraku, there is no Kagura and there is no Kanna, there is only...Yura and her fantastic head(s) of hair!'

-Startled into wakefulness by a THROBBING headache- Owwwwwwwwwwww! Why am I on the ground, and Owwww why is my reversed-mohawk partially follicle-endowed cranium covered in so many dents and contusions.

-takes out pocket mirror, examines scalp and sees IF LOST RETURN TO SAKURASANGO perfectly readable in one of the depressions- Why did she beat me so, the last thing I remember was, uh, gee, what was the last thing I remember...

CeeKari- Eww! -shakes head to clear that image of Naraku in a bikini- Gross gross gross!

SakuraSango- -jumps up 'n down- I can help I can get rid of those gross images...

-holds up her mallet- It helped IDK

IDontKnow- -Lumbering with difficulty over to SakuraSango-

Excuse me, my mallet endowed madam, might you know who I am?

SakuraSango- IDontKnow

IDontKnow- If you don't know then why did you tell me IDontKnow? That seems kinda pointless.

SakuraSango- IDontKnow is your name, stupid.

IDontKnow- Oooh now I see, my real name is Stupid! So were you fibbing before when you said that IDontKnow my real name is Stupid?

But if my real name is Stupid why would she say IDontKnow. Even with amnesia I Know I'm stupid!

Or at least not as smart as I used to be, yet if she Doesn't know and Said IDontKnow Stupid, perhaps she really doesn't know Stupid and I still haven't found out what my name is yet.

-The Amnesiac hair-obsessed chat roomer wanders off down the thread mumbling to himself-

-Still mumbling, the amnesiac IDK wanders aimlessly through the thread-

Kanna- I feel so bad about what I did to you, I want to try to make it right. -holding mirror of souls at an angle- Look into my mirror and let me draw the soul out of you.

IDontKnow- -Not remembering two previous trips into the mirror of souls, looks into the mirror-

IDontKnow's Soul- -drawn half-way out of his body-

Kanna- -examines the head and sees a mallet-head shaped hole in the head of the soul through which memories are leaking-

Thought so. Be Right Back.

<POOF Kanna Appears> (A/n- ok so that was kinda pointless)

Kanna- -holding a positively huge bottle of rubber cement-

Let's see. -Taking a paintbrush, slathers rubber cement on the hole in the soul of the amnesiac IDK-

That should do it! But just remember, the patch is TEMPORARY!

IDontKnow- Remember what? I can't even remember that I have amnesia, so how am I supposed to remember that that the patch is temporary?

Kanna- -with an exasperated look puts the soul back-

CeeKari- -runs and hides behind the bruised IDK- Don't let SakuraSango hurt me!

IDontKnow- -Remembering that SakuraSango is dangerous rolls behind a tree- C'mon CeeKari, we must hide from that malefactor with the malicious mallet.

-Remembering that Naraku embedded a jewel shard in his neck, IDK removes, and promptly gulp swallows it.-

Whuuuuuut's HAPPENING TO ME???????????????

-IDK puts his hands to his temples and screams in pain and terror-

I can't stand the paaaaaaaaaaain!

-without warning hair, miles and miles of hair sprout from the once bald pate of IDK! Without warning CeeKari is caught by a tidal wave of split-ends and disappears beneath an ocean of flowing locks.-

IDontKnow- My hair! My hair! It is returning to normal! Ohhhhh how I love my newfound frolicking follicles!

Faewillow- -shaking head- Hey, IDK, have you laundered your brain lately? It seems to be stuck in overdrive.

-checks IDK's massive cranium & finds one screw loose- hey, I have one like that!

-opens top of IDK's head-

-applies monkey wrench, removes one rabid howler monkey-

-removes brain & studies it intensely-

-whips out her universe-traveler's towel and wipes off a few monkey hairs-

-replaces brain and tightens all but one screw-

That should be much better

CeeKari- -pulls out hedge trimmers- This should do the trick!

-uses clippers to carefully cut a path out of IDK's frantically frolicking follicles-

Whew, that was close. -looks at the mountain of hair-

Hey, no fair! IDK's hair is prettier than mine!

-looks over at Faewillow- Faewillow, are you licensed to do that?

IDontKnow- Thank you Faewillow but how do we get the jewel shard back?

-sits down to comb the frolicking follicles and discovers CeeKari still trapped in a tangle-

Let me get my pick comb and I'll have you out in a jiffy!

-looks around confused- Wait a minute. What happened? I seem to recall that CeeKari was overwhelmed by my hair, yet now she is free? How did this happen? Better yet, WHEN did this happen?

-shouts- KANNA! HELP! I APPEAR TO BE SPRINGING LEAKS AGAIN!

Faewillow- Oh, by the way, IDK... don't worry about the jewel shard... it'll all come out all right in the end...

-snickers- Here... have some beans...

SakuraSango- -looks around totally lost- Where is everyone?

-swings her mallet- I was supposed to help get rid of bad thoughts...oh well...

Oh IDK (ahem- Stupid I think you said was your name) I can help get rid of that jewel shard...If u don't wanna wait for mother nature to remove it we can use my bros special recipe...

Let's see -opens cookbook to 'How to remove Troublesome Shards'-

Lets see we add- 2 eggs, crackers, tomato soup, toenails from 5 people, newts eyes, cow brains, sweet potatoes, prunes, and grape juice...then we let it boil in Demon Sweat till its a bright blue-brownish color...YUM!!

CeeKari- 0_o That's a lotta licenses, faewillow...

Ack? -quickly hides hedge trimmers in back pocket before anyone notices the patch she just cut out of IDK's hair-

SakuraSango, I think we just want to get the shard out of him, not poison him!

SakuraSango- What??? Oh -giggles and whistles innocently- Oops...my bad...well what should we do with this stuff...

Faewillow- -giggles-

That was just one pocket. Well leave the others alone (for fear of opening that otherworldly portal I keep in the back pocket of my jeans)

-sniffs potion-

hold onto that... it might come in useful in the future...

-fishes hazardous material container out of her pocket and hands it to SakuraSango-

IDontKnow- -downs fourteen bottles of Schnapps.- Quick! SakuraSango gimme that concoction you worked up.

-swallows it all in one gulp- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG That Was Horrible!!!!!!!!!! Oh Mama was that the worst tasting stuff on earth!

-suddenly hair begins to sprout on IDK's chest- Hmmm one thing about this stuff, it'll sure make a man outta ya!

-falls into a deep sleep- No, Yura. Don't do that NOW! You know that I left my hairnet in my other suit! And for the last time you can't take the saucer out for a test flight, I built it specifically for Faewillow! -Snore-

CeeKari- IDK is probably one of the hairiest men alive right now. Maybe we should take him to the beauty salon? Or we could have Yura take care of it...

SakuraSango- Hmmm... gym socks just might work...I'll haveta try that sometime...

What to do with a super hairy man...

-thinks really hard. light bulb comes on- I've got it!!

-light bulb goes off- -.- Umm never mind I lost it.

-grabs a 100 watt light bulb and changes it. The light bulb shines brightly-

HA!! Like I said I got it...We could make IDK into a Bigfoot 'n get tons 'n tons of money

-runs off to make more special slop-

IDontKnow- -IDK's slumber is interrupted...-

SakuraSango, please turn off that light!

-Reaches into thought balloon over SakuraSango's head and pulls the chain on the lamp. Light bulb goes out. Taking a ten watt bulb from his pants pocket IDK removes the original bulb (hmmm, 200 watts, that WAS a bright idea LOL) and replaces it with the new bulb and turns the lamp back on-

Hey! I am awake, and I have not the slightest semblance of a hangover!

-smells SakuraSango's latest batch of Gym sock Stew and scarves it down- Gee, this stuff is GREEEEEEEEEEEAT!

OW! SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING TO ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

-Suddenly all the hair falls out of one side of IDK's head, and the other side turns slate-gray-

IDontKnow- SakuraSango? What did you put in that latest batch?

-Grabs cookbook- let's see...2 eggs, crackers, tomato soup, toenails, Newt's eye (boy I bet Mr. Gingrich hated to part with that! LOL), cow brains, sweet potatoes, prunes, and. Uh SakuraSango, I thought you said this stuff needed Grape Juice and old Gym socks? Why did you put Malathion based weed-killer in your second batch?

SakuraSango- Huh whatcha mean...-grabs the huge jar 'n reads it- Oops...my bad...I thought that said grape juice...Here's what it actually says...'Weed Killer: Safe for Grape Plants'...

-looks at IDK...- Well think of it this way you have a new style...'n it should grow back...

-slowly backs away from the half bald man-

IDontKnow- -Grabs giant pair of shears and cuts off the rest of the hair-

Why are you backing away from me SakuraSango? CeeKari already chopped a swath out of it. Besides, I have Darlkana's bottle of Super Rogaine right uh, right, oh! Well, I can't seem to remember where I put it!

-starts searching through pockets- Hmmmm, my lucky yoyo, two cents (I keep that with me so I can put in my two-cents worth LOL), one Really old George McGovern for President Button, one slightly younger Richard Nixon for President button, and a handful of lint.

Nope. No super Rogaine!

-sobbing piteously, IDK wanders off into the forest, looking desperately for Darlkana!-

Naraku- Why are you not off destroying the message board as I commanded you?

IDontKnow- Because I don't like you for one and SakuraSango beat me up because of you for another. Now Go Away!

Naraku- No one talks to the focus of evil in the Medieval world like that you shall pay!

Naraku- -laughing hysterically, disappears in a smelly cloud of black miasma-

IDontKnow- -in a high squeaky voice reminiscent of Munchkin land-

Heeeeeeelp! Heeeeeeeelp! Look what Naraku did to me! Now I can't grow as much hair!

CeeKari- -blink, blink-

-stares at IDK's hair, or what's left of it- Well, it's definitely interesting...

Maybe we can glue back the half that fell out!

-runs off to get her jumbo-sized tube of crazy glue and two chickens-

Darlkana- geezums I'm gone for about a week and you all just find ways to get into so much trouble... geezums I swear I'm going to have to find an assistant

-looks around and sees IDK turns around and starts to laugh-

I'm sorry!

-tries to be serious without laughing- What happened??? Who were you hanging out with this time??? I'm sorry.

-laughs hysterically- I'll tell you what you just stand right there and I'll be right back...

-comes back with a camera and takes IDK's pic-

Oh this is going to be great here's another masterpiece pic for the books...

Ok now to business. Hmm let's see here's another bottle of hair now it's my own special recipe made only with the finest of all ingredients from far and near... and let's see for the shrunken head I'm not sure I have anything, I think I might have ran out yesterday as a matter of fact...

hmm

-starts going through many bottles- big eyes, curled nails, shrunken hands, long noses, shrink, get tall quick, hair now, gray be gone, skinny by nature hmm nope, I sure don't have any... oh man that means I'm going to have to make some more I knew I should've never given bettlejuice the rest of I want my head back now

Grrr he'll pay for one way or another I shall return when I have obtained some I want my head back now formula until than try wait no stay don't try just STAY OUT OF TROUBLE !!!!!!!

ok bye bye

CeeKari- Hiya Darlkana! Can I have a copy of that pic? I've got a place for it on my wall, I believe...

SakuraSango- Hey Darlkana I'll make u a trade...a copy of IDK's head for the return of your pic...

-holds up a shiny new red air tire pump-

Hey IDK -giggles- how about this -giggles- we put this part of the air pump in your mouth -falls to the ground laughing- 'n I'll pump...it'll be like in the cartoons... -rollin on the floor-'k...-snickers-

-mutters- At least it'll kill time till Darlkana comes back

-giggles 'n wipes a tear from her eye-...Think of it this way...you'll think twice before you play with Naraku...

IDontKnow- -still talking like an escapee from munchkin land, walks over to SakuraSango, and snatches the shiny red air pump from her hand-

Gimme that thing!

Hmmmm, doesn't look dangerous. Well, what harm can it do that Naraku hasn't already done?

-puts the end of the tube in his mouth and pumps furiously-

-thinking- Hmmm this isn't so bad.

<Suddenly, IDK realizes he has pumped too hard and is now floating very quickly into the air.>

IDontKnow- Hellllllp! My head is too small, my voice is too high and I am floating awaaaaaaaay!

-The hairless, and nearly headless LOL IDK becomes a small speck on the horizon-

Someday I will get you all for this!

faewillow- -pulls IDK out of her hip pocket-

-Dusts him off and sets him down-

Boy, IDK, every time I miss a day or two, you get yourself into the worst of trouble... hair everywhere except where ya want it.

-pulls IDK's missing Rogaine out of the pocket he was in-

Here, this might be what you're looking for. You can make it last if you use it while your head is still shrunk

BTW, that's not a license to kill... it's a license to Ill. See?

-shows the 2 turntables and a microphone from the mysterious Other Pocket-

I keep those in there for nostalgia only... really...

SakuraSango- -runs to IDK out of breath- Where is the tire pump??? WHERE!!!

Oh Hiya Faewillow...have ya seen Darlkana? She's supposed to be bringing something to help IDK's head size...

-looks at IDK- Yelp

-runs 'n hides behind Faewillow- Protect me...

IDontKnow- -still with a case of the high squeakies- I won't hurt you SakuraSango, but I was always told when I was a little monster slash demon that size doesn't matter (I was very scrawny once!) but I guess that is NOT true when it comes to the size of ones head? And by the way, since it hurts to much with a small head to think big thoughts, how did I wind up in Faewillow's pocket?

You got one of Miroku's black holes in there or somethin'? And how did you get my super Rogaine? And how did I wind up with a head too small for the big plans I had and how did I wind up bald, and then with too much hair and now bald again? Please, I think I'm having a bad hair day -sob-

SakuraSango- Bad hair day...how about no hair day... but just think...if you use the Rogaine now it'll take less

Can I have my tire pump back since it didn't work...

-looks at IDK-...ummm your horns are a little weird lookin...is it 'cuz of the size of your head or is the Rogaine warping them... (A/n- So you know this comes from an inside joke. Adult swim had called all IY fans the spawn of the devil)

-goes to Faewillow's pocket 'n puts her hand in it, it goes up to her shoulder-

That's how...there's like a black hole or somethin here...

-pulls hand out 'n is holdin a cat-...Dark Cloud how did u get in there...silly kitty...

CeeKari- -peeks in Faewillow's pocket- Hey, there's all kinds of stuff in here!

-pulls out a shovel, diary, cigar box, snow man, old hamburger and a rather upset looking Kanna minus the soul-sucking mirror- Oops...