InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Sound of My Voice ❯ Chapter 1

[ A - All Readers ]

By: Arella

The Sound of My Voice

An: I don't own Inuyasha or this song.

Where have you gone my darling one

Are you on your own

Are you having fun

Is there someone to hold when you need it bad

Is it uncontrolled like the love we had

Kagome stared into the dark depths of the well. Closing her eyes, she knelt and rested her head against the rough wood. It had been three weeks and Inuyasha still hadn't come for her. They'd had a fight, of course, but something had snapped inside Kagome. She couldn't even remember what the fight was about. Her emotions had spun wildly inside her, warring for dominance and only serving to anger and frustrate her more. In a fit of rage, confusion, pain and desperation, she had thrown the Shikon shards at Inuyasha and leapt into the well.

She just...just couldn't take it. Death, she could handle. Rejection, she had learned to handle and deal with very well. Fear, she had learned to live with. The only thing she couldn't take was Inuyasha willingly throwing away his life to follow Kikyou into Hell. She'd told him before that she wouldn't abandon him...she supposed that he thought it was okay for him to abandon her. Did he expect her to stay by his side in Hell? Was that it?

Kagome sighed and turned around, leaning against the well's side. "I wish he'd come for me. I-I miss him. Even if he is a jerk." Nibbling on her lip, the miko glanced back at the well. "I hope Kikyou hasn't decided to add in her two bits. Gah, why can't I just let it go?"

In some weird way, Kagome knew that Inuyasha cared about her. He worried about her, even if he wouldn't come out and say it plainly. Their relationship was always wild, untamed but as strong as any she'd ever experienced. Why did it always feel like she was constantly fighting against a memory, then?

Sighing, she closed her eyes. Because, in a way, she was. The real Kikyou was just a memory. That thing looking like her now, was not really Kikyou. The clay golem was just the anger left over from Naraku's trickery.

Did Inuyasha even care that she hadn't come back? That thought interrupted her other musings as Kagome struggled to hold back tears. Why couldn't she stop thinking about him for once?

Does the day go by like a memory

Do you ever try to remember me

In an automobile or a crowded bar

Well I hope you're all right wherever you are

What if he'd been in a fight? What if he was hurt or dying? Shaking her head violently, Kagome forced those thoughts out of her mind. Inuyasha was strong. He would be all right without her. After all, he'd managed to take care of himself long before she'd ever shown up. She just hoped that he was happy, now. Even if it was with Kikyou. At least a part of her soul was with him.

Standing, Kagome again looked into the well. Absently, a lone tear slid down her face and dropped into the well.

"Inuyasha!" She called, hoping that he'd hear her.

And if you're still within the sound of my voice

Over some radio

I just want you to know

You were always my only choice

And wherever you go

That I still love you so

If you're still within the sound of my voice

"Inuyasha!"

An amber eyed hanyou sat up straighter in his tree. That sounded like Kagome's voice. Turning his gaze in the direction of the well, he sped off, arriving at his destination in no time. Looking down the vine covered portal, his ears flattened to his head. She wasn't there.

In the dead of night

Do you hear me call

Something's not quite right

No one's there at all

Did you make a mistake

Was it in your head

Or was it really me talking

To your heart instead

Gripping Tetsusaiga tightly, Inuyasha flopped down beside the well and stared up at the full moon. What was wrong with him? Of course he hadn't heard Kagome-she couldn't get back, he had her shards. Still, some part of him had hoped that she'd found a way to come back to him. She'd been gone almost one moon cycle-the longest she'd ever been away from him since reviving him. It wasn't the same without her, and he...he missed her. He missed her more than he'd ever admit.

Sango, Miroku, and Kaede had asked him what had happened between himself and Kagome, but even he couldn't answer that. It was just a stupid fight, but it had turned into something else. Kagome had asked him something that had shocked him and brought to his mind something he'd never even considered.

Closing his eyes tightly, Inuyasha could still see the look on her face when she'd asked that question.

"Do you want me to go to Hell, Inuyasha?" she asked, her face a mixture of sorrow, pain and exhaustion.

"What?"

"Do you want me to go to Hell?" she asked again.

Blinking, the hanyou's mind drew a blank at what made her ask him this. "Feh, of course not! Why are you asking me this?"

Kagome gave him a crooked smile. "Because, that thing that looks like Kikyou has part of my soul, you know. The witch used part of my soul to bring her back. My soul is the only thing that lets her remain somewhat alive. If Kikyou takes you to Hell, part of my soul will go to Hell with you, Inuyasha. I'll never have my whole soul again-it will remain in Hell. When I die, I won't be able to go to Nirvana because I won't be complete. I won't go anywhere, I'll just be stuck in limbo. That's why I asked. The way things are now, when Kikyou drags you to Hell and I die, part of me will exist in Hell and part of me will wander forever."

They'd really crossed words, then, Inuyasha cringed. He hadn't been able to comprehend what she was telling him-hadn't wanted to even consider it-and had lashed out at her. It was only after she'd thrown the shards at him and disappeared that he was able to really understand what she'd told him. If he allowed Kikyou to drag him to Hell, he would be dooming Kagome to an afterlife of restless wandering. He'd never even thought about that angle of their situation. It was obvious to him, however, that Kagome had realized it early on. Why had she never told him, then?

"Because she loves you, you idiot," a voice answered.

Startled, Inuyasha glanced up and saw Miroku standing in front of him with an uncharacteristic scowl on his face. The hanyou hadn't realized that he'd been talking aloud to himself. After Kagome had left, he'd asked Miroku if what she'd told him was true. It had been with a sorrowful gaze, that the monk had confirmed it. He and Kagome had actually talked about it one time. She had sworn him to secrecy, however. Even then, she wanted to protect Inuyasha.

Shaking himself, Inuyasha watched as the houshi sat in front of him and leaned his staff against his robbed shoulder.

"Kagome-sama did not want you to feel as though you had to choose her. She hoped that you would realize these things on your own."

Inuyasha said nothing as he looked away. Miroku sighed heavily as he stared at his friend. The hanyou hadn't been the same after Kagome left. The group of shard hunters had continued after the shards and Naraku, but Inuyasha was withdrawn and moody. He fought with a desperation now that he'd never shown before. It was almost as if the half youkai was killing his own demons through the slaying of the youkai. Miroku figured that that thought was probably close to the truth.

"Why do you not go see her, Inuyasha?"

Golden eyes met his as Inuyasha sighed. "Because I don't know what I could tell her, monk," he answered in a moment of rare openness.

Inuyasha was suffering more than he realized. Miroku's eyes widened a moment at that thought. Otherwise, he never would admit a weakness.

"You chose Kikyou a while back, Inuyasha. Did you not think of the consequences of that choice? Kagome-sama wants to stay by your side, but you will eventually leave her with your choice of Kikyou. Kagome-sama knew this when she asked to stay, but it wears on her that you don't even try to honor her sacrifice."

Miroku eyed the dejected hanyou. "She is giving up a lot for you, Inuyasha. The least you could do is not wave your choice in her face."

Inuyasha's ears flattened to his head at Miroku's scolding, knowing the houshi was right.

Leaning forward, Miroku poked Inuyasha with the top of his staff. The rings jingled as he settled the metal against himself once more.

"Unless, of course, that your current turmoil is due to your reconsideration of your earlier decision? Knowing what you do now, let me ask you a question. Fifty years ago, before Naraku, if Kikyou had been presented with this situation, what would her advice have been?"

Inuyasha's ears perked up and cocked forward to listen to Miroku. "What do you mean?"

Miroku stood and brushed the dirt and grass from his robes. "There was a woman who loved a man very much. She loved him enough to split her soul in half and allow part of it to animate the ensorcelled body of his former love just so he would be happy. However, the former love wished to take the man to Hell with her. The woman knew this, and understood that if that happened, then she would wander for eternity without peace. However, knowing this, she stayed by the man's side and supported his decision. Now, the animated woman was filled with anger and hate...a far cry from her original personality. She wasn't who she once was. Kikyou, if you were the reanimated woman-golem, what would you have the man do? Would you have him go to Hell with you, leaving the reincarnated woman to her fate, or would you have the man stay with the reincarnation?" Miroku paused and bopped Inuyasha lightly on the head. "What do you think Kikyou would have said, fifty years ago, before even having met you?"

"I'll tell ye what she would have said," another voice answered as a figure emerged from the shadows. Kaede stood there, smiling slightly at the depressed hanyou. "Kikyou would have not wanted ye to go to Hell, Inuyasha. Nor would she have wanted to become such a vile thing as that golem. True, there are flickers of the real Kikyou in the golem, but that is only because Kagome's soul still has a few memories of Kikyou's life. However, Kagome is not Kikyou. The soul Kagome carries is the one Kikyou had, true. Ye must understand, though, that the soul changes with every reincarnation. The experiences we live through shape our soul until it is completely unique to the life we live now. If it didn't change, then there would never be new people. Instead of Kagome, there would have been a girl exactly like Kikyou again. Do ye understand? Loving Kikyou didn't mean that ye automatically would love Kagome. They are separate beings."

Inuyasha turned that over in his mind and stood slowly. "You're telling me that I'm an idiot," he stated calmly.

Miroku grinned. "Pretty much."

Inuyasha growled at that before looking back at the well. "K-Kikyou wouldn't have wanted this," he finally whispered.

His friends glanced at each other and nodded.

In a blink, he was gone, leaving his friends to smile at each other. The well hadn't activated which could mean only one thing...Inuyasha had finally let go of the past.

I am calling like the echo of a passing train that cries

One last time before it fades into the distant hills and dies

I am sending out a message like a ship out on the sea

In distress but only you can send a lifeline out to me

"Inuyasha," Kagome whispered again as she buried her face in her arms and cried.

It didn't matter that he was in love with Kikyou, that he was a jerk, that he made her cry more than anyone ever had. In the end, he was the one who could make her smile. He was what she had come to live for and if this was what he wanted, then she would give it to him. She would do anything for him, and that realization sent shivers down her body. Loving someone so completely as to give up one's soul for them was a scary thought. Sniffling, however, Kagome understood that she'd do it again if it meant that he'd be happy. He meant that much to her.

Wiping her eyes, the miko walked from the well house and to the Goshinboku. Sinking down, she drew strength from the tree that had been present for some of the most important events in her life. If Inuyasha wasn't coming for her, at least she had the Goshinboku. Even now, five hundred years later, Kagome could still feel Inuyasha's presence. Maybe it was due to him being pinned to it for so long. Whatever the reason, she was comforted by it. Inuyasha had that effect on her.

It was a paradox. No one could break her heart like Inuyasha could.

But, no one could put it back together like he could, either.

She wondered briefly if everyone felt like this when they were in love. It seemed like the more you loved someone, the easier it was for them to hurt you.

Her musings were cut short as a white light drifted from the well house and slammed into her. Gasping, Kagome fell backwards and gripped her chest.

"Inuyasha!" She managed to grit out before darkness engulfed her.

Are you still within the sound of my voice

Why don't you let me know

I just can't let you go

If it's wrong then I have no choice

But to love you until I no longer have a will

Are you still within the sound of my voice

Inuyasha leapt from the well and hurried out of the well house. Sniffing, he was surprised to find Kagome's scent nearby instead of dulled by the walls of her house. Looking around, he found her collapsed at the base of the Goshinboku.

"Kagome?!" He nearly shouted, rushing to her.

Gently, he propped her body up against his, cradling her head in the crook of his elbow.

"Kagome?" he called again, patting her cheek and searching for any signs of injury.

She wasn't injured, so why wasn't she waking up? Scooping her into his arms, the hanyou carried her to her house and then to her room via the window. Carefully, he placed her onto her bed, shooing Buyo off of it first. Kneeling beside her, Inuyasha brushed her bangs out of her eyes and took her hand after setting Tetsusaiga beside him.

"Inuyasha?" her voice whispered so softly that he barely heard it.

"I'm here," he answered lowly, willing her to wake fully.

Finally, her eyes opened and focused on him. Her mouth curled into a smile as she slid from her bed and into his arms. Inuyasha's brows rose in shock as Kagome hugged him around his middle and buried her face in his shoulder. Hesitantly, his arms encircled her before he rocked backwards and maneuvered them until he was sitting in a lotus position with Kagome sideways in his lap. Her legs were draped over his right thigh, but she still held onto him.

"I thought I'd never see you again," she hiccupped.

Inuyasha combed a clawed hand through her raven tresses, not really sure if he was trying to reassure her or himself. "Feh, as if I'd let you have that luxury," he said gruffly.

Kagome gave a shaky giggle as she released him and allowed his left arm to support her back as she gazed up at his face.

"Why were you passed out," he asked, worry slightly marring his question.

Her face contorted in confusion as she shrugged. "I don't know. One minute I'm sitting outside and the next, this white light speeds out of the well house and slams into me. I guess it knocked me out, but I don't feel hurt. In fact, I feel better than I have in a long time. I wonder what it was?"

Inuyasha looked away and Kagome felt him his arms tense slightly at her question. Furrowing her brows, Kagome cupped Inuyasha's face and made him look at her.

"Inuyasha? What's wrong?"

Bangs shadowing his eyes, he sighed. "Kikyou is at rest," he muttered without emotion.

Kagome stiffened and released him. "What?"

"I released her from that clay body. That white light was probably your soul returning to you."

"Inuyasha?" Kagome asked, not knowing how to take what he was telling her and not wanting to upset him further.

"She thanked me, you know. Her fake body turned to ash and bones and I saw the real Kikyou for a moment. The thanked me for setting her free and apologized." Inuyasha paused and then gave Kagome a small smile. "She apologized for what the golem had done as her. She said that I had done the right thing, but she gave me a tongue lashing." Here, the hanyou chuckled a bit. "She ripped me a new one for not disposing of the golem sooner. Seems like I finally made amends."

Kagome didn't know what to say, so she placed a comforting hand on his heart. "Inuyasha, I'm sorry."

He shook his head at that and clasped her hand in his free one. "What for? I guess I really was being a moron. I suppose this is how Nobunaga felt."

Giggling, Kagome rolled her eyes. "Seriously, are you all right?"

A heavy breath left his body as he stared out her window. "Strangely enough, I am. I heard you, you know," he stated abruptly.

"Eh?"

Inuyasha gave her a crooked grin. "I heard you call for me tonight. Three weeks you've been gone Kagome and I couldn't take it. That's the longest you've ever been gone, you stupid girl. What was I supposed to do? I had to get you back and if Kikyou had to go, then that was that."

Kagome gaped at him. "Inuyasha, I didn't mean..."

A clawed finger settled on her lips, stopping her sentence. "I know, Kagome."

And he did know, perhaps better than Kagome did, that Kikyou had always been, would have always been, a wall between them if the golem hadn't been destroyed. Inuyasha would have never been free to love Kagome if the Kikyou golem had still claimed his loyalties as well. Kikyou herself had absolved him of his guilt over the deed, and he was free to move on...with Kagome.

Kagome's blue eyes blinked up at him as her mouth drew up in a smile. When his finger withdrew from her lips, she licked them unconsciously and fiddled with a lock of Inuyasha's hair.

"So, what now?" she whispered to him.

"Now?" Inuyasha asked with a smile. "Whatever we want. Did you know, Kagome, that inu youkai mate for life?"

The miko's face clouded in confusion as she shook her head. "Is that why you had such a hard time letting Kikyou go?"

The hanyou blinked and then chuckled at her question. "Um, no. Kikyou and I were never mates. However, she was the first person since my mother to show me kindness. How could I repay that with anything other than loyalty?"

Kagome nodded and motioned for him to go on.

"Anyway, inu youkai mate for life and once we take a mate, our mate shares our life span. If my mate dies, I'll follow her shortly after and vice versa."

"Why are you telling me this?" Kagome asked.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and snorted. "Because, wench, I'm trying to ask you to be my mate, but you keep interrupting me. Now, will you quite fidgeting and shut up so I can finish?!"

Blue eyes widened as Kagome's mouth shut with a click and she nodded.

"Feh," Inuyasha said, blushing a bit.

"Well, will you? I mean, we could wait until Naraku's gone if you want, and then we could have that thing you humans have...a wedding or something, if you wanted to-I don't care cuz you know I love you either way. But your mom would probably want a wedding for you and you've finished your sk-oo-el thing, so you could stay in the past. I guess we could live in the present, though, if you really wanted to..."

He stopped rambling when Kagome gave a sob and threw her arms around him. "Yes!"

Blushing, Inuyasha enfolded her in his arms. "Uh...yes to what?"

"Yes, I'll be your mate." Kagome drew back and gave him a small kiss on his nose. "We can have a small wedding after we defeat Naraku, but we should do the mating ceremony thing before, don't you think? And I don't care where we live, but I know you'll be happier in the past and with the well, I can visit my family anytime."

Inuyasha was smiling at her with a smile she'd never seen before. It reflected openly the love he felt for her. Kagome smiled shyly back and gave his ears a small rub.

"I love you, too, Inuyasha."

If it was possibly, his smile widened. A kiss was in definite order here. And Inuyasha was never one to deny his instincts. Kagome discovered that she really was quite glad. After all, it'd been five years. It was about damn time he gave her a proper kiss without apologizing.

When she told him that, much later, a blush and rumbling laughter was his answer.

"You should have said something," he chuckled.

Kagome frowned at him and opened her mouth to retort when she found herself suddenly being kissed. Melting against him, all thoughts flew from her mind except her and Inuyasha.

Inuyasha, meanwhile, noted that kissing her was a rather painless way of stopping her argument. He should have done this a long time ago.

Of course, he wasn't going to tell her that. She was rather adept at making him forget his argument, as well.

He found that he really didn't mind.

I am calling like the echo of a passing train that cries

One last time before it fades into the distant hills

And dies

And they lived happily ever after...

Owari