InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Youkai Leep, Or, Boot to the Head ❯ Youkai Leep, or, Boot to the Head ( One-Shot )

Youkai Leep

or

Boot to the Head

(In a forest clearing, the Inu-tachi and various villagers and demons are gathered around Inuyasha.)

Inuyasha: Come, children. Close the circle at the feet of the Master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide on the path to Youkai Leep. Be warned: to learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Meditate upon this wisdom with me. Rrrrr…

Naraku: excuse me?

Inuyasha: Rrrrr…

Naraku: Excuse me?

Inuyasha: Rrrrr…

Naraku: EXCUSE ME!!!

(Inuyasha's eyes snap open in irritation.)

Inuyasha: Who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the stillness of a pond?

Naraku: Me! Naraku!

Kagome: Naraku?

Shippou: I didn't expect him to be here.

Naraku: No one expects the Naraku Inquisition!

All: Ouch!

Inuyasha: What do you want, Naraku?

Naraku: No offense or nothing, but how long is this meditation shit gonna take?

Inuyasha: Youkai Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever into the horizon.

Naraku: So, what, an hour or so?

Inuyasha: No, no, no. Understand: time has no meaning. To the true student, an hour is as a year.

Naraku: A year? But…but, I want to learn to beat people up now.

Inuyasha: Beat people up?

Naraku: Yeah, that's all I came here for. I've got the pajamas!

(He opens his baboon skin to reveal form-fitting teddy bear and heart boxers.)

Naraku: Now show me some nifty moves so I can drive my enemies before me and hear the lamenting of their women! Kuu-kuu-kuu!

Inuyasha: The only true use of Youkai Leep is self-defense. Do you know who said that? Kaede, the Great Teacher.

Naraku: Yeah? Well, the best defense is a good offense. Do you know who said that? Cause I sure don't.

Sango: Well, you're certainly offensive.

Inuyasha: Youkai Leep is the honey of kindness, not the vinegar of hostility.

Naraku: Listen, shrimp, are you gonna cut the New Age crap and show me some moves, or am I gonna pin you to the Goshinboku Tree again?

(Inuyasha's eyebrow twitches.)

Inuyasha: Naraku, you fail to grasp Youkai Leep. Approach me that you might see.

Naraku: Finally, some action! Bring it on, twerp!

Inuyasha: Boot to the head. **thwunk**

Naraku: Ow! You booted me in the head!

Inuyasha: Now do you understand?

Naraku: No fair! I wasn't ready!

Inuyasha: Boot to the head. **thwonk**

Naraku: Argh! Stop that! OK, now I'm ready.

Inuyasha: Boot to the head. **thwonk**

Naraku: Mind if I just lie down here for a moment?

(He faints.)

Inuyasha: Now, let us resume our meditation. Rrrrr…

Hojou: Excuse me, Sensei…

Inuyasha: It is wrong to tip the vessel of knowledge, child.

Hojou: A thousand apologies, Sensei. However, I cannot help but feel that Naraku is not wholly wrong.

Inuyasha: How so?

Hojou: I wish to boot some head too.

Inuyasha: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Naraku?

Hojou: Actually, Sensei, I have learned two things. Firstly, anger is a weapon only to one's opponent.

Inuyasha: Good. The second thing?

Hojou: Get in the first shot. Boot to the head. **swish**

Inuyasha: You missed.

Hojou: Yeah…uh…about that…

Inuyasha: Boot to the head. **thwonk**

Hojou and Naraku: Love and pink bunnies make the world go round…world go round…world go round…

Inuyasha: Class. What is the lesson?

Hiten: Not a single one of us could defeat you, master!

Inuyasha: You gain wisdom, child.'

Hiten: So we'll have to gang up on you! GET HIM!

Inuyasha: Boot to the head. **thwonk** (x5)

(As the groaning bodies pile up, only Kagome hangs back, laughing deliriously.)

Kagome: You'll never beat him that way.

Fluffy: Do you have a better idea?

Kagome: Yes. Watch and learn.

(She strides confidently up to Inuyasha. Before he can react, she leans in and uses her ultimate weapon.)

Kagome: Kiss to the lips! **glomp**

Five Minutes Later…

Shippou: Whoa…they've been at it for a while…

Miroku: Hey, Sango, would you help me practice that technique?

Sango: Slap to the face. **smack**

Fifteen Minutes Later…

Fluffy: Don't they have to come up for air at some point.

Thirty Minutes Later…

Souta: Are they still alive in there?

One Hour Later…

Rin: Finally! They got a room.

Shippou: Now what do we do?

Fluffy: Good question. Hmm…

(The tune from Jeopardy plays.)

Miroku: Y'all wanna get drunk and beat random people up?

All: Sounds good to me!

(Music starts up in background.)

Souta: People taking in movie shows.

Fluffy: People smoking in bed.

Sango: People who like Inu/Kikyou fics.

Miroku: Give them a boot to the head!

All: Boot to the head! (Yah, yah!)

Boot to the head! (Yah, yah!)

Boot to the head! (Yah, yah…yah, yah, yah, yah, yah, yah.)

Souta: Mechanics who can't fix a car.

Rin: Fanfic authors who can't think.

Fluffy: The salesman who won't leave me alone.

Shippou: The waiter who forgot my drink! (Spoken) What?

All: Boot to the head! (Yah, yah!)

Boot to the head! (Yah, yah!)

Boot to the head!