Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ If This Cat Could Talk... ❯ Promises ( Chapter 6 )

If This Cat Could Talk…

By: Ellipsis the Great

DISCLAIMER: Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

Summary: Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

Rated: T just in case. May change later on.

Spoilers: None that I know of…

Warnings: Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

 

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CHAPTER SEVEN: Promises

 

This time the dream started out differently. We were still in the white room, and I was still curled up in one of the corners, and across from me there still lay the nondescript, mostly transparent body that had appeared in the previous dream.

But this time Roxas didn't start out as a cat, nor was he in the middle of the room; this time, he was crouching in front of me in his human form, his owlish blue eyes narrowed as he regarded me rather coldly. It was then that I first realized that he wasn't wearing any clothes, and that he hadn't been in any of the other two dreams, either. He, in all of his pale-skinned glory, seemed unaffected by his nude state, but I blushed. The blush got worse when I realize that I was naked as well (although I'm still not sure if I was naked in any of the other dreams).

“You aren't at all what I expected.” He said when he realized that I had stopped cringing and was looking up at him. “You were supposed to be some cruel, sadistic idiot who didn't have a conscience. You weren't supposed to be sorry about what happened to Sora.”

I just stared at him, not comprehending his words—more because I didn't know why he would care than that I didn't know what he was talking about.

“I didn't know why you did what you did.” He continued. “I thought you were just stupid or something. I didn't realize you were trying to help.” He frowned sardonically. “Although I guess that might make you stupid, too. A different kind of stupid, though.”

“Roxas.”

He looked over his shoulder in the direction of the voice.

“Will you help him?”

He hesitated, looking back at me. He let himself fall forward on his hands and knees, leaning toward me with a suspicious expression on his face.

“You really are sorry, yeah?” He asked, his face so close our noses almost brushed against each other.

I nodded wordlessly, any words I might have said drying up in my throat.

“Roxas, I need your answer. There isn't much time left.” The voice said. “Will you help him?”

He glanced at me again, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. Finally, though, he steeled himself up and nodded.

“Yeah.” His voice was so hoarse you could hardly understand him, so he cleared his throat and said, “Yeah. I'll help him.”

“Thank you, Roxas.”

Roxas stiffened, shivering a little as the air around him shimmered a bit, though not as bad as it did when he morphed from cat to human form.

“Thank you.” I managed to croak after the shimmering had stopped.

His eyes snapped back to my face, then he grinned impishly. “Don't thank me just yet, Axel. I still have no idea how I'm supposed to help you. I'm just a cat outside of this dream, y'know.”

“Just being there is enough.” I said. “It helped…it helped a lot, today. And you listened to me, too.” I let my gaze fall to my lap. “Zex is the only other person who's ever actually listened, and he gets paid to do that.”

He nodded slowly, moving to sit beside me, thought he was really just crouching again, his arms wrapped around his legs.

We sat there for a while in complete silence, neither of us knowing what to talk about now that it had been established that he was going to help me.

“Hey, I was wondering…how come you're a mechanic if you're scared of cars?” He asked so suddenly I jumped a little at the sound of his voice. He didn't apologize, instead just staring at me curiously.

“It was Pops' idea. Back when I first started seeing him Zex said we should find a way for me to be around cars that didn't involve riding or driving in them so I'd stop associating cars with pain or whatever. We tried a few other things…Demyx's younger sister Larxene dragged me to a car show, which…ended badly.” I winced at the memory. No matter who you were or what you were trying to do, spending time with Larxene was definitely not the way to stop associating something with pain. If anything, she would make it worse…and make other people start fearing it as well. Demyx wouldn't go near a car for over a month after that damn show. “After a few other failed attempts, Pops suggested that I start working for Cid. That's Sora's great-uncle, but he and my dad are good friends, too, and he's never been really bad about talking about or blaming me for what happened to Sora.”

“I see.” He said slowly. “Did it…help any?”

I shrugged. “I can be near cars now, at least, but only when they're turned off. And the walk to and from work has gotten me to stop jumping whenever I see a running car. But whenever I'm actually near a running car, I completely freeze up. I can't even be in the garage when they're bringing cars in, unless it's so beat up we have to push it in.” I sighed, leaning my head against the wall. “I'm just a fucked up bastard, I guess.”

“I don't think so.” He said, scooting a little closer to me. “I mean…I've technically only been around for a few weeks, but I think it's perfectly logical for you to be like this after something like that happened.”

“But that's not my only problem, Roxas.” I shook my head. “I mean, sure it was a tragedy and all, but it's not normal for it to take a person so long to recover from something like that. Who in their right mind starts drinking and then starts cutting just because of some stupid accident?” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I know…I know it wasn't really totally my fault. People have told me often enough, and I know I didn't plan for Sora to get hurt. I didn't plan anything. I know that, up here.” I tapped my head. “But here,” I put a hand over my heart. “Here, I know that it was my fault. Every time I try to move on, my heart just…balks. If it wasn't for me, Sora wouldn't be practically dead, and Riku wouldn't be so miserable and cynical, and…and so many other things. And it's all my fault.”

He nodded uncertainly, and was quiet for a while as he digested all that I'd said. “Um…maybe I'm stupid, but…I know that drinking means alcohol, but what does cutting mean?”

“It's…well…” How was I supposed to explain this? “Some people…we feel like…like we can't feel. Like we don't have hearts, or something. And it freaks us out, so we try to figure out a way to make sure we really can feel. I tried alcohol first, to make me forget that feeling, but Pops and Riku caught me and made me stop…not that I'm ungrateful, of course. But then I had to have another test, so I…I got a razor…” I glanced at him. “You know what a razor is?”

He nodded again, his eyes wide as he listened.

“I got a razor, and…” I turned my bare arms over so that he could see the nasty white and brown crisscrossing scars that littered them, as well as the deepest, nastiest ones—single ones on either arm that went straight from the crook of my elbow to my wrist. “At first it was just a test, but then it became an addiction. And I knew it was wrong. I knew it was destructive. I knew it was sick and that I should stop, but I couldn't. So I…I tried to end it.” I trailed a finger up the big scar on my opposite arm. “I almost did, too, but Riku walked in on me and he and Pops got me put in the hospital.” I ducked my head. “That was when I was eighteen.”

Hesitantly, he reached out, grabbing the closest wrist carefully and pulling it towards himself so that he could run a finger over the scars as I had done, his hands almost as smooth as his fur was when he was in cat form.

“You made yourself hurt?” He asked, his voice small.

“I just wanted to make sure I could still feel.” I whispered.

“You won't do it anymore, will you?” He asked, wrapping my arm around himself and pushing himself as close to me as possible. “You promise you'll never do it again? Please?”

“I haven't actually done it in four years.” I said. “I only even get tempted every once in a while, now.”

“Promise.” He insisted, stuffing his thumb in his mouth and sucking childishly.

I smirked a little at the sight, despite our conversation, and grabbed his hand, pushing it away from his mouth. “If you promise to stop doing that, I'll promise to never cut again.”

“That's not fair. It's completely different!” He said, trying to put his other thumb in his mouth, but I stopped him easily. “Axel!”

“Any addiction is still an addiction.” I said, ignoring the fact that I was quoting what Pops had said when he caught me smoking one day.

He pouted, glaring at me cutely for a moment before sighing and leaning into me again. “Fine. I promise.” He gave in huffily, giving his thumb a rather melancholic look.

I put my hand atop his and laced our fingers together, pulling him even closer. He looked up at me inquisitively.

“You help me, and I'll help you.” I explained with a smile.

He returned my smile with an embarrassed one of his own. Then he closed his eyes and leaned against me. “You have to wake up soon.”

I shrugged. I had no way of knowing how much time had passed outside of the dream.

“I'll be a cat again.” He added.

“I guess so.” I sighed. It was…it was really nice to have someone beside me. It was the first time it had ever happened to me; most people didn't even want to associate with me after the accident, much less date me (I'm bisexual, by the way).

“I'll still be there for you, though.” He said determinedly. “No matter what, yeah? Even if I'm a cat. I'll always listen, and I'll make sure no one else tries to make you hurt, either. I promise I'll always be there for you.”

I grinned. “Thanks, Roxie.”

He glared at me. “Do not call me that.”

“It's better than Cricket.” I pointed out, my grin widening.

He shuddered. “I hate that name.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I know. But there's nothing I can do now that Demyx has made up his mind. I always call you Roxas in my head and when we're alone, though.”

He snorted, blatantly telling me without words that that did nothing to assuage his disgust with the name.

We sat quietly for a few moments longer before he spoke again.

“It's time for you to wake up.” He said, sadness seeping into his voice.

“I'll be back.” I said. “And it's not like we won't see each other. You just…won't be human.”

Another snort, and then he leaned up and licked my cheek lightly.

“See you in your dreams, then.”

 

ENDCHAPTERSEVEN