Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ If This Cat Could Talk... ❯ Loneliness is Dark ( Chapter 12 )

If This Cat Could Talk…

By: Ellipsis the Great

DISCLAIMER: Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…

Summary: Axel's therapist suggests that he get a cat to help him get over an accident involving his little brother's best friend. It doesn't take him long to realize that strange things are afoot, however…

Rated: T just in case. May change later on.

Spoilers: None that I know of…

Warnings: Definite yaoi on the horizon, a little angst (obviously), and I suppose I should point out that this is AU…

 

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CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Loneliness is Dark

 

“Axel, wake up. I don't want you to sleep forever like S-Sora is. Please, please, wake up.”

Wha…? Something wet hit my hand, and my eyebrows scrunched together in response.

There was movement beside me, and someone picked up my hand, pressing a pair of soft lips against it.

“Please, wake up, Axel. I don't want to be alone again. The loneliness is so dark.”

I didn't want this person to be alone, either. It was the strangest sensation—as if my heart was just realizing that it could beat, all because of this person. Like it had forgotten, or like…it had never been there before.

“I'm sorry, hun, but visiting hours are about to end.”

The person dropped my hand, and my heart went with them, leaving a painful, gaping hole in my chest.

“No! No, please, let me stay this time. If I leave again, I…I don't have anyone else. Please…”

“I don't make the rules, Roxas.”

Roxas…? Who was…oh!

“Roxie?” At least, that's what I was trying to say. It came out more like, “Rfxme?”

“Axel?” He took my hand again, and I sighed as the pain in my chest eased. “Oh, Axel, you scared me so much!”

“Doctor! Dr. Weiss, he's awake!” Hurried footsteps.

“'M s'ry.” I slurred as I slowly blinked my eyes open. Roxas' face filled my vision, wearing a relieved expression mixed with something else I didn't quite recognize. It was almost…almost like the way Riku used to look at Sora—like I was the only person in the world that mattered.

“You should be!” He said, his eyes filling with tears. “You…I didn't know what to do! You just started screaming and…I couldn't get you to stop, even when we were dreaming!”

“Hey…” I pulled my hand away from him and put it on his cheek, smiling a little as he immediately nuzzled his cheek into it. His hands reached up to cover it like he was afraid I would pull away again. “Don't cry, Roxie. C'mon, please? I'm sorry.”

He sniffled loudly. “I was just so…scared that you were gonna…leave me, and…” He hiccuped. “I don't want to be alone again, Axel.”

“You're not, you're not.” I assured him, sitting up. “How long was I out?”

“Three days.” He said. “Today's the fourth day…and it's your birthday, too.”

I smiled. “Well, I had to wake up for presents, right?”

He laughed weakly, leaning forward and kissing my cheek. Then he laid his head down on my shoulder, not seeming to mind the awkward angle.

“Excuse me, gentlemen.” There was a soft, almost hesitant knock on the door.

Roxas sat up as we both looked over at Dr. Ansem, who stood in the doorway looking rather embarrassed to have walked in on us…or something.

“I just need to do a few quick checks, and then you should be able to go home, Axel.” He said, entering the room.

“Okay.” I said. Roxas took my hand and squeezed it gently before moving out of Ansem's way.

“Happy birthday, by the way.” Ansem said as he bustled around the room, doing things that I won't even begin to try and understand…or explain. I have no idea what he was doing half the time. I could probably place partial blame on Roxas, who I kept glancing at throughout because he was staring at me as if he was trying to figure something out.

“Thanks.” I said. “How's…I mean, why'd I sleep for so long?”

“Part of that was waiting for the sedatives to wear off.” He said. “When your friends brought you in it took a little more than the normal amount to get you to calm down. I was afraid we had given you an overdose for a few moments, but you turned out fine. After that…I can only guess that your mind was repairing itself from the…mental anguish it had been put through. You have slept for fairly long periods of time after having these episodes before, so it was not entirely unexpected, but this one lasted substantially longer.”

I nodded. “Alright. So…?”

“I do not think there is anything to worry about.” He said with a reassuring smile. “I suspect it hit you so hard this time because it has not happened in so long. You were doing much better about it up until now—I think your last episode was almost eight months ago.”

“Yeah.” I said.

“I am going to go call your father and tell him you have woken up, and once he is here we will release you.” He said, giving me and then Roxas a little wave as he left.

I pulled myself up, sitting cross-legged and patting the space in front of me so Roxas would sit down, which he did.

“So how's everyone been?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I dunno. I, um…” He looked down, blushing. “I haven't really left the hospital since we brought you in.”

“Oh.” I felt my cheeks heating up to match his.

“But they've seemed okay when they came to visit.” He said. “Even…even she came to visit, once.”

“Kairi?” I asked incredulously.

He nodded. “She said she was sorry.”

I blinked at him. “She…did?”

“Yeah. She said…well, she'll talk to you later. It's probably better to hear it in person anyhow.” He said decidedly. “I think she's finally realizing how much she's been hurting you.”

“I guess.” I said, uncomfortable with the idea. I had spent so long taking everything she threw at me because I thought—I knew—I deserved it…

“Her friends were pretty upset, too, when they came. They feel guilty about letting her do it.” He continued. “And Xigbar and Luxord feel bad about not getting you away sooner.”

“It's none of their faults.” I protested.

“That's what I told them you'd say.” He said with a small smile. “You're not the kind of person to blame someone else.” Then his smile turned into a frown. “Unless that `someone else' is you.”

I laughed. “I guess that's true.” I said. “Thanks for…you know, staying with me.”

He shook his head. “They kicked me out a lot.” He said with a sigh. “They kept saying that only family can stay after visiting hours so I had to come back the next day. I just slept down in the lobby.” He looked away from me. “Aerith said it was cute.”

“I'll bet it was.” I said, wondering if I should have felt as honored and grateful and…and in love as I did. My heart was fluttering again, and I wished it would stop. Roxas was straight. Loving him meant hurting myself…again.

“I even came in as a kitten once.” He added. “I got all the way up to your room—I had to use the stairs, too!—and then that black-haired dog of a nurse caught me jumping up onto your bed and threw me out.” His bottom lip jutted out into the pout I had become so accustomed to seeing when he didn't get his way. God…I couldn't stop loving him if he kept doing stuff like that.

“Aww, Roxie!” I reached up and ruffled his hair. “You poor little kitten.”

“It's not funny!” He said, an angry and embarrassed blush re-coloring his cheeks.

“You're right—it's adorable!”

“Shut up, Axel!” He exclaimed, reaching up and slapping my hands away. “You're such a jerk!”

“And you love me for it!” I sang teasingly.

He stopped struggling for a moment and gave me an odd, pensive look. Then he scowled.

“I think I liked you better when you were sleeping.” He said.

“Well, fine, maybe I'll just—” I leaned back into my pillows, closing my eyes.

“No!”

The absolute desperation in his voice made my eyes snap back open, meeting his. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever, then—”

“Axel!”

—Pops burst into the room, Riku following close behind.

“Oh, thank God!” Pops said, throwing his arms around me. He let out a shaky sigh, cradling me in his arms as best he could. “Oh, God, Axel, you scared me so fucking much. My son…oh, God, thank you thank you thank you.”

“I'm fine, Pops.” I said, vastly uncomfortable. Pops, as goofy as he was, really wasn't one for showing the more `serious' emotions. Ever. “You shouldn't worry so much.”

“How can I not worry?” He asked, pushing me away and fixing me with a harsh glare. “You and Riku are all I have left, Axel. If you…if you leave me, I don't know…dammit, Axel, just never scare me like this again.” He hugged me again, resting his cheek on the top of my head. “You've given me enough gray hairs as it is, okay?”

“Okay.” I said softly, returning the embrace hesitantly. “I'm…I'm sorry, Dad.”

“Me, too.” He said. “Me, too, Axel.”

We just…stayed like that for a while. Pops seemed perfectly content where he was, and I think I was in a state of shock. Like I said before: I wasn't used to him acting like this. He was usually so…I dunno, happy and weird…that I think I—well, everyone—forgot he was actually a father.

When he finally pulled away, he first dropped a kiss on my forehead, mussing my hair. I made a face at him, but didn't really do anything about it.

“You really…had us worried, for a while.” Riku finally spoke up. “I've seen you…doing some bad stuff before…” I think both of us flashed back to the day he caught me trying to kill myself. “But I've never seen you…like that before.”

I shrugged wordlessly, still unused to his new non-hating-Axel behavior.

“So…how's everyone been?” I asked. “Roxas couldn't really tell me much.”

And suddenly the Pops I was used to had returned, smirking as he slapped a hand on Roxas' shoulder.

“This little guy has hardly left your side the past three days!” He said. “They actually had to sedate him the first day. Aerith says the only time he wasn't somewhere in the hospital was when that demon of yours got in…we figure he smuggled it in, because she said he showed up a few minutes later and didn't seem surprised by the scratches on Tifa's face.”

“Scratches?” I arched an eyebrow at Roxas, who blushed yet again.

“Oh, yeah, she got quite a few nasty ones getting Cricket out of here.” Pops laughed. “I forgot how badly she freaked out about animals being in the hospital.”

“I didn't.” I heard Roxas mutter, rubbing his side, but luckily neither of the others seemed to have heard him. I suppressed a smile.

“Any changes with Sora?” I asked.

“No.” Pops said, sobering a little. “But his parents visited once.”

I winced. Tidus and Yuna Arsalan…the two people in Twilight Town who I had been physically unable to look at (much less confront) for the past ten years.

“They'll be glad to hear you woke up.” He added.

“Why?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“Axel…they don't hate you.” He said. “Maybe they were angry at first, but…they know it isn't your fault. Hell, everyone in Twilight Town knows it isn't your fault.”

Riku grimaced.

“You should talk to them sometime.”

“They're always in the hospital by around noon.” Roxas added. “At least, they have been the past three days. You could go talk to them then.”

“I…I can't.” I said.

“Sure you can.” Pops rolled his eyes. “If I have to, I'll call and bring them in here before you're released, and have Tifa guard the door to make sure you don't leave. You need to talk to them.”

“Pops, I…”

“No. You're stronger than this, Axel. You always have been.” He insisted. “You need this.”

“But I…Pops, I can't talk to them. How can I? I destroyed their son. Their only child.”

“No, you didn't.” Riku said. “That drunk did. You just…you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“C'mon, Axel.” Roxas said with and encouraging smile. “Please? I'll even stay with you if it'll make you feel better.”

I sighed. Triple-teamed by three of the most important people in my life. How very typical.

“Fine. I'll…I'll try.” I said. “Tomorrow.”

“Actually, you can do it tonight. I called them, and they said they wanted to come talk to you.” Aerith said, suddenly appearing in the doorway. And behind her…

“Hello, Axel.”

Sora's parents.

 

ENDCHAPTERTHIRTEEN