Legend Of Zelda Fan Fiction ❯ The Misfortunes of Link ❯ Link: I Should've Stayed Home Today! ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, Link, or any videogame related characters. I'm just borrowing certain situations and characters to retell what happened as I was playing `Zelda 64' in a poetic story-like way. Well, okay, so there's really nothing poetic about this story, but you should still enjoy it.

 

The sun cast a gentle glow through the lone window of a small tree house. However, the light had no effect upon the small blonde elf boy that was fast asleep in his tiny make-shift bed. Then, without warning, a small glowing fairy shot towards him; knocking him forcefully out of bed. “Hey!” The elf shouted as he rubbed his sore bottom. The fairy shot towards his face and began to dance; rather obnoxiously. “Come on Link! You have to go turn into a man so that you can save Princess Zelda!” Link crossed his arms and closed his eyes. “I don't wanna, Navi.” Navi made a strange whistling noise, summoning several other fairies. Navi and her new buddies promptly surrounded Link and began to teleport him. “Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!” Link screamed and closed his eyes as his home disappeared.

With a `thump', he landed, none too gently, upon a shiny marble floor. Link slowly opened his eyes to see that he was now in the Temple of Time. He grunted in frustration as Navi gave him a forceful push forward. “Link! Go pull the sword out of the stone!” Link put on his pouty face once more. “I don't wanna. And plus, you're too cranky today.” Navi, who was still behind him, somehow sprouted an arm and issued a powerful smack to Link's still sore bottom. Link's eyes began to water. “Okay, okay I'll do it!” Wiping away a stray tear, he slowly began to walk towards the Sword in the Stone. He took a tight grip on the sword's hilt; getting ready. Then, he yanked out the sword.

A strange bluish vortex swirled around him. When it faded seconds later, there stood Link; now a grown man. Link looked down at himself and smiled. “I'm not a ten-year-old boy, I'm a man! A big STRONG MAN!” He said to himself in a deep booming voice. Navi took a look at his now intensely hairy legs. “Yuck!” Link looked down at his legs as well. “Shaving will be fun!” He stated, dashing over to the corner. Navi decided it best not to look. Seconds later, loud ripping noises were heard. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! #@!$%^&*^%#^!^@&!&^!&@&#^*&^#%^&$%@%%@!” Link yelled at the very top of his lungs. Navi shook her head/body. “What a mouth on that boy.”

Suddenly, Link appeared behind Navi. His eyes were full of hatred and his legs were covered in bandages. “Hey! I heard that!” He clutched his newly acquired sword and lunged at Navi. The sword flew right through her, causing her to disappear. Then, a strange voice sounded from nowhere. “You just killed your own fairy. Way to go, dumbass.” Link gave a careless shrug. “Forget Navi, I still need to get the ice arrows.” He'd do anything to change the subject. “I'm off to the Geruedo training grounds.” The poor thing, he thinks the ice arrows are in the Geruedo training grounds. He pulled out the Ocarina of Time and played the Lake Hylia song.

He found himself being teleported once more, but this time of his own will. He opened his eyes to see a vast, sparkling lake before him. `Good, now all I need is Epona and I'll be there in no time.' He raised a hand to his mouth. A loud, shrill whistle escaped his lips. Seconds later, a sleek, rusty red mare came trotting towards him. She came to a halt before Link and gave out a mumbled whine. Link hopped upon her back and dug in his heels. “Off, Epona, to the deserts!” Epona neighed loudly before taking off to the north. Minutes later, they reached the broken bridge separating the deserts from the grasslands and fields of the Hylian castle. Epona leapt gracefully over the gap in the wood and continued towards the small town in the deserts.

However, once Link reached the final ramp before the town, Epona refused to cross it. Link gave the stubborn horse a forceful smack. “Go, you stupid horse!” Epona let out a frustrated grunt and thrust her shoulders forward. Link was sent flying several feet forward. He landed with a `thud', sending dust and sand flying in every direction. He looked up to see a female Geruedo with a white scarf covering her mouth. She seemed to be laughing. Link, completely forgetting the nature of Geruedoes, immediately changed his position to the sexy pose. “Hey baby, `sup?” The Geruedo stopped laughing and pulled him roughly to his feet. Before Link could say anything else, she issued him a steroidified smack to the face.

The force of her blow sent Link another several feet flying. Link landed in a similar manner. Rubbing his head and cursing, he looked up to see the Geruedo Training Ground gates. For some reason, it wasn't guarded, so he let himself in. However, he soon wished that he hadn't. He grew scared at the frightening music that was playing and soon found himself lost. However, his hopelessness faded once he finally spotted a door. He ran up to it and turned the knob. Instead of opening, it began to jiggle violently. Then, without warning, the door flew forwards; straight towards Link. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!” The door collided with Link before quickly disappearing. This caused Link to lose a heart.

Clutching his chest, he trudged on. A few minutes later, Link reached a hovering platform above a river of lava. His face was quickly covered in a confident grin. “I'll bet I can jump it. No sweat.” He took a few steps back and got ready. Then, he dashed full-speed forward. However, his jump was very short, and Link plummeted towards the lava. “Sweaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!” Link shouted before dying. But because this is a game, he found himself right back on land seconds later.

“Screw the platform, there's another way to go anyway.” He soon found another door and entered a seemingly normal room. “Finally, a room with nothing in it that wants to kill me.” Then, he turned the corner to come face-to-face with an enormous rolling boulder. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!” Link screamed as he managed to jump out of the way. As he hit the ground, once again, he stated, “I knew I should've stayed home today.” He then looked up to see a hook-shot pad. He pulled out his hook shot and attached it to the pad. “Yee haw!” He body flew through the air at the speed of light. As he landed before yet another uniform door, he couldn't help but wonder. `Wait a minute. There was nothing blocking this door, so why did I need to use the pad?' To test his theory, he turned around and walked away from the door.

Immediately, a wall of fire shot up from beneath him; giving him more burns on top of his previous ones. “Damn it, why didn't I see that coming?!” He turned around again and entered through the now-known to be guarded door. The room was empty save for five heart cases. Link's frown turned upside down. “Yay, just what I needed!” But when he reached for one, another wall of fire shot up and burned him. There goes another heart; Link clutched his chest. But instead of storming angrily out of this room as well, he decided to play with the fire since he had figured out that it only shot up when you got too close.

He found himself running in circles around the room; giggling like a giddy school girl as the flames shot up in turn. However, he accidentally ran too close and got burned yet again. “Damn it, I KNEW I should've stayed home today!” Suddenly, the world froze. Alas, I had made the mistake of kicking my eleven-year-old Nintendo 64. I rose to my feet and gave a mighty cry of anger. “I'm not stupid, I'm an idiot!” For some reason, my voice was deep and manly.

 

The End

(or is it?)