Love Hina Fan Fiction / Excel Saga Fan Fiction ❯ Quack Experimental Fusion Kaolla Saga ❯ The "Increase Hits" Episode ( Chapter 8 )

Hello! Hello hello! I don't know why you say good-bye, I say hello!

Here's the 8th installment of Kaolla Saga!

Enjoy!

 

-+*+-

 

I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.

 

-+*+-

 

[Scene opens on a picture of a letter.]

 

YOUNG WOMAN (voice-over): "Dear Kaolla, I've enjoyed your fanfic series, 'Kaolla Saga' so far. I especially like all of the beautiful girls! But I _hate men!_ What's the deal with all of the filthy men?! Men are scum! I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd make an episode geared towards a more female audience like me. Sincerely, Aiko Shinyou."

 

[KAOLLA pops up, dressed in a catgirl costume.]

 

KAOLLA: Doumo arigatou for taking the time to write us, Miss Lesbian Samurai Doctor Girl! I'd _love_ to do an episode with nothing but us girls in it! We can put a lot of kawaii widdle animal creatures in it, too! (^_^)

 

[Shot of TAMA and LIDDO #1,570, smiling cutely, the former sitting on the latter's head.

 

TAMA: Myuh!

LIDDO: Chupi!

 

[KAOLLA pops up again.]

 

KAOLLA: Can Yami Goku do an all-girls episode, Akamatsu-sensei?! Huh? Can he? Huh?!

 

[Pan over to KEN AKAMATSU, who smiles and gives the "A-OK" sign.]

 

[KAOLLA dances around happily.]

 

KAOLLA: WHOO-HOOOOO! BOYS ARE ICKY! NO BOYS AT ALL IN THIS EPISODE! WE CAN REPLACE THEM ALL WITH CUTE GIRLS! (^_^)

 

[MUTSUMI appears.]

 

MUTSUMI: Kaolla-sempai, does that mean that (Land)Lord Keitarazzo isn't going to be in this episode?

KAOLLA: OF COURSE! WHY NOT? GRRL POWERRRRRRRR! WHOOP-WHOOP-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO... ...!

 

[KAOLLA rockets into the atmosphere.]

 

-+*+-

 

[Cue Opening Theme, "Love (Loyalty)."]

 

[A shot of Kaolla does a 360, then Kaolla falls into Keitarazzo's trap hole. Shortly before the title screen, she emerges with a squid on her head.]

 

QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FUSION

K A O L L A * S A G A

 

A Love Hina/Excel Saga Fusion FanFic by Yami Goku

 

~Episode Eight: The "Increase Hits" Episode~

 

[Kaolla makes several funny faces at the screen.]

 

[Kaolla and Mutsumi are lip-syncing to the OT, which is actually being sung by the Excel * Girls.]

 

Sore wa ai ja nai~~... (*cough* *cough*) ["That isn't love..."]

Ai wa sore ja nai~~... (*cough* *cough*) ["Love isn't that..."]

[The girls are singing on a sidewalk.]

Aishite iru kedo ai sarete wa inai. ["I am in love, but I am not loved."]

[Several shots that include Mutsumi looking at you, looking the other way, collapsing, and laying on a couch soused to the gills.]

 

Kesshite ai ja nai~~... (*cough* *cough*) ["Definitely isn't love..."]

Ketsu wa ai ja nai~~... (*cough* *cough*) ["Derriere isn't love..."]

[The girls are singing within the locker room of a men's public bath.]

Aisaretai kedo motometari wa shinai. ["I want to be loved, but I never seek it out."]

[Several shots of Tama in different poses, then when Tama sees Kaolla wielding a fork and knife, she acts terrified and withdraws into her shell.]

 

Kono mi sasagete inochi nagedashi. ["I offer myself, and throw my life away."]

[Mutsumi floating in the water.]

Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni ["Looking neither left nor right, I will just earnestly"]

[Kaolla tries to run off, but two hands restrain her.]

Dameshite sukashite yokohairi ["Cheat, wheedle, interfere,"]

[Negi attempting to "initiate a perpetual contract" with Mutsumi, but a giant tentacle snatches him away. Then, three Mutsumi heads appear on the screen, each one a little closer than the last.]

Tanin wo fumitaoshi keri wo kamashite! ["And trample down and kick strangers!"]

[Kaolla kicking Negi, Iwatani, and Shiraiyoshi clean into next week!]

 

Tonzora koite! (Tonzora koite!) ["And we get the Hell out! (And we get the Hell out!)"]

[Kaolla and Mutsumi running down a long road, with Tama flying along the path.]

Tonzora koite! (Tonzora koite!) ["And we get the Hell out! (And we get the Hell out!)"]

[(Land)Lord Keitarazzo joins the three. He trips on his cape as he runs, and falls down.]

Tonzora koite! (Tonzora koite!) ["And we get the Hell out! (And we get the Hell out!)"]

[Kitsune is running across a bridge with a bunch of Liddos.]

Tonzora koite~~~...! ["And we get the Hell out...!"]

[Yami Goku and Ken Akamatsu running from the Feds through a tunnel, then off into the sunset.]

 

Banana no kawa de korondemo ["Even if I slip on a banana peel,"]

[Kaolla hanging upside-down from a tree eating a banana, while Mutsumi has slipped on several of Kaolla's banana peels, and is now unconscious on the ground.]

Sore wa subete ano kata no tame. ["It's all for his sake, anyways."]

[A giant tiger-like monster that bears a resemblance to Byakko from "Yu Yu Hakusho" pops up in front of Kaolla and Mutsumi, and the two girls assume a fighting pose. Keitarazzo is watching from the background, cowering in fear.]

Shiite iu nara sore wa kitto ["If anything, that is probably"]

[Seta being dragged from his bed by The Great Naru of The Macrocosm.]

Ai to iu na no chuuseishin! ["A kind of loyalty called love!"]

[Kaolla and Mutsumi in (Land)Lord Keitarazzo's throne room, saluting him.]

 

-+*+-

 

"So, they're all on vacation, ne?" said Hina, staring out the window of her office.

"Hai," nodded Haruka, "They really needed one. They'll be gone for three days. In the meantime, I've asked [SPOILER] to recover the damaged equipment from the previous episode and repair it."

"I see. Doumo arigatou, Haruka-san," thanked Hina, "You may leave now."

 

-+*+-

 

Over at Hinata-sou, Kaolla Kaolla was lying motionless in the intense sunlight. "Hello, Kaolla here. We're on vacation from conquering H, but it's not a very _fun_ vacation! It's a zillion degrees out, which is _too dang hot_ to have fun! Oh, gods, I'm _soooooo_ hungryyyyyyy, tooooooooo!" Kaolla looked over at Tama sunning herself in her swimming pool, making the little onsengame shriek and shiver with fear.

"Maybe we should eat Tamago now...!" gasped Kaolla, her mouth attempting to water.

"MYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tama flew around in circles in the air, as high as she could to avoid Kaolla's mandibles...

"YUMMY! FOOOOOOOOOD!" came a spirited, high-pitched female voice.

"FOOD! YUMMY!" exclaimed Mutsumi, digging in to some chow.

"Nani...?" Kaolla looked over at the table, where a mysterious blonde girl set, about 8-10 years of age, clad in coveralls and a red cap labeled "WASP." "Who's she?"

Mutsumi looked over at Kaolla. "She's MacDougal Sara, a girl who lives down the street. She brought us food from her house, after she heard of our plight! (^_^)"

MacDougal crawled over to Kaolla, bearing half of a peanut-butter-jelly-and-banana sandwich. "Here, Kaolla! It's leftover from my school lunch!"

Kaolla's green eyes went wide. "*gasp* ARE THOSE BANANAS I SMELL ON IT? ARIGATOUARIGATOUARIGATOU! *munch* *munch* *munch* *munch* *munch* *munch* *munch* *munch* *munch* *gulp*" Kaolla wolfed down the entire sandwich in two bites.

"Wow, I can't believe you ate that after it's been sitting in my lunchbox for _three weeks!_" said MacDougal.

Kaolla's eyes went wider. "THREE WEEKS?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH! PUKE! RETCH! VOMIT! SPEW! *gack* *choke* *retch*" Kaolla almost felt like throwing up!

As Kaolla's throat performed the gack dance, there was a knock at the door. Mutsumi stood up, and answered it. "Hai...?"

A Saleswoman put her high-heeled foot in the door, as so Mutsumi could not close it. "Greetingsimfromprettygirlmagazinethemagazinedevotedsolelytoprettygirlsalla roundtheglobeimheretoinformyouthatyouvejustwonoursupersecretprettygirlmagaz inesweepstakesdrawingyouandtwoluckyfemalefriendswillbeheadingstraighttothel ovelyhcitypoolwhileatthehcitypoolyouandyourluckyfemalefriendswillbeabletous ethesuperduperninetyfootwaterslidewhichtodayonlyisopenonlytoprettygirlslike yourselfandyourluckyfemalefriendsthankyouforsubscribingtoprettygirlmagazine theonlymagazinethatonlyprettygirlsareallowedtoreadbecauseifanyboysoruglygir lsreaditwellkicktheirasses! *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*" As the fast-talking Saleswoman caught her breath, she held out the tickets.

"*ulp!* *hwaaaargg!* (@_@)" Mutsumi lost it, spewing red fluid from her mouth all over the Saleswoman. "Oopsie. Gomen nasai! (^_^)" she apologized, holding up a can of tomato juice. She took the tickets, and shut the door.

"Andshethrewupalloverme...!" mumbled the Saleswoman as she walked away.

 

-+*+-

 

"WAAAAGGH! MY STOMACH AND INTESTINES ARE DOING THE MACARENA!" cried Kaolla, clenching her stomach and dancing all about in gastrointestinal agony.

"Look, Sempai! We just won three tickets to the H City Pool! (^_^)" Mutsumi showed the tickets to Kaolla.

Kaolla looked at the tickets. "FREE TICKETS TO THE POOL?! THAT'S _JUST_ WHAT WE NEED TO COOL OFF! I'LL GO GET MY SWIMSUIT! (^_^)"

Mutsumi smiled. "And I'll go get into my skimpy little bikini! I hope it still fits over my big boobies! (^_^)"

 

-+*+-

 

While Kaolla and Mutsumi were looking for their swimwear amongst the big mess of their apartment room, they didn't notice that MacDougal was talking away on a walkie-talkie, communicating with another party...

 

-+*+-

 

Next door, Tenko Amanogawa (an 18-year-old teenager with short black hair, blue eyes w/ glasses, measurments 36C-24-36) was reading her own copy of _Pretty Girl Magazine_, while Miryuu Sen (a petite 13-year-old middle-schooler with curly purple hair, blue eyes, and huge "DDD" breasts) and Hatoko Hanagata (a tall 18-year-old girl with long brown hair, green eyes, and "B" tits) watched her.

"Tenko-chan, why do you subscribe to that ladies' magazine?" asked Miryuu.

Tenko looked down at Miryuu. "Hey, it's _Hatoko-chan's_ magazine! She subscribed to it under my name without asking me first! She just likes to ogle all of the hot babes in this mag!"

Miryuu looked around the room at all of Hatoko's personal items: Pr0n. "Geez, what a bloody hentai...!"

Hatoko smiled as she held up three tickets. "Hey, that reminds me: I won some sort of sweepstakes drawing from _Pretty Girl Magazine!_ Me and two lucky friends have won a trip to the H City Pool!

Tenko looked up at the tickets. "Pool? Me? No, thanks! My body's too _sexy_ for a swimsuit!"

Hatoko smiled. "Okay, then Miryuu-chan and I will go, and we'll ask Mitsune if she wants to go!"

"You go ahead and do that," "said" Tenko, going back to the magazine. "Ooh, look at this: 'Are You A Rei Or An Asuka? Take Our Quiz'...!"

 

-+*+-

 

It's time for...

 

Y A M I (*_*) G O K U ' S

M A S T E R P E R V (^_^) T H E A T E R !

 

(MUTSUMI: This is Part One! (^_^))

 

"WOMAN'S BEST FRIEND"

 

"Uh, Sango...?" Kagome was wondering why Sango was just staring at her.

"... ... ...Nani? ...Oh, right...I'll, uh, just...st-start by, uh...by...um... ... ...!" Sango trailed off.

"You've never been with another girl, have you...?" Kagome asked sympathetically.

"*sigh* No, I haven't. I don't know what to do first! D-Do I kiss you? Do I undress? Do I--"

Sango's words were interrupted when Kagome suddenly removed her top, exposing her breasts to Sango's eyes.

"How about now?" asked Kagome lustfully.

 

[YAMI GOKU appears, holding up a sign reading "END!". An anvil drops on his head.]

 

-+*+-

 

Later on, at the H City Pool...THERE WERE GIRLS! LOTSA GIRLS! HOT GIRLS! GIRLS GALORE! GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! Better yet, there were LOTSA HOT GIRLS IN BIKINIS! BIKINIS BIKINIS BIKINIS _BIKINIS!_ *ahem* Gomen. Anyway, Kaolla and Mutsumi had arrived, fully clad in swimwear.

"ALL RIGHT, MUTSUMI-CHAN!" exclaimed Kaolla, rubbing towards the pool, charging towards the pool, "WATCH ME DO A FULL--WOAH!" Kaolla skidded to a halt when she ran into a prepubescent girl in a very kawaii pink swimsuit--MacDougal!

"Hey, Kaolla!" greeted a cheery MacDougal, "You forgot one of the tickets, so I grabbed it! (^_^)"

"WOO-HOO!" cheered Kaolla, "Now that we're together at the pool, it'll be FUN FUN FUN, 'TIL OUR DADDY TAKES OUR T-BIRD AWAY! (^_^)"

"o/~ FUN FUN FUN, 'TIL OUR DADDY TAKES OUR T-BIRD AWAY! o/~ (^_^)" chorused MacDougal.

Kaolla and MacDougal ran happily towards the pool, diving in and making _quite the splash!_ Mutsumi joined up with them, daintily trotting over to the pool like the woman she was.

 

-+*+-

 

A short time later, Miryuu-tachi (Miryuu, Hatoko, Tenko, and Kitsune) arrived at the H City Pool.

"I don't see why _I_ had to come along!" "protested" Tenko, clad in her skimpy blue two-piece swimsuit, "And I _hate_ this swimsuit! It draws attention to my perfect breasts, hips, and ass!"

"Oh, come on, Tenko-chan!" said Hatoko, clad in a two-piece pink bikini, "It's freakin' worth it to see Mitsune in her _hot, revealing bikini!_"

Mitsune, who was clad in the _skimpiest of skimpy bikinis_, smiled. "'Kitsune'!" She gazed over at the pool. "Hey, does anybody want to watch me do it doggy-style?"

Hatoko and Tenko's eyes widened, while Miryuu (who BTW, was clad in a purple one-piece swimsuit) cringed. "I believe you meant 'doggy _paddle_', Kitsune."

"Oops!" laughed Kitsune, "Oh, well! I can take it _either_ way! (^_^)"

Tenko went back to her magazine, which she was still engrossed in. "Well, I'll be! I'm an Asuka!"

 

-+*+-

 

Meanwhile, Kaolla had just found the pool's Snack Bar, and had decided to whet her gargantuan appetite...

"OOOOH! FOOD! Lessee...I'll have a banana, another banana, a bunch of bananas, a banana split, a banana cream pie, a chocolate-covered banana, a fried banana, some banana pudding, a banana shake, a banana smoothie, a banana-fana-fo-foothie, some banana ice cream, a banana Popsicle, some Banana Nut Crunch, a hot dog with a banana in place of a hot dog, and a banana soda!"

"Gomen, but we don't have any of those things!" apologized the Female Vendor, "We're out of bananas! All we've got left are pineapples! I can give you all those things with pineapples in place of the bananas!"

Kaolla made a face. "Eew! Pineapples?! That's the Devil's fruit! I always cut myself on their sharp leafy stems! No way! You've just lost yourself a customer!" She stormed off, stomach still roaring.

As Kaolla went to go look for some food, she failed to notice Mutsumi flailing about helplessly in the water, and MacDougal speaking with another party on a walkie-talkie...

 

-+*+-

 

It's time for...

 

Y A M I (*_*) G O K U ' S

M A S T E R P E R V (^_^) T H E A T E R !

 

(MUTSUMI: This is Part Two! (^_^))

 

"BOTAN'S BIRTHDAY"

 

Back in the Living World, Botan had headed back to the motel room, where she expected Keiko to be still waiting.

She was waiting there all right. She was leaning against the wall with one hand, completely naked, with a cute, lustful smile on her face.

"Welcome back, Botan...!" Keiko greeted, in an even more sultry voice than she managed last night. Botan couldn't help but become very wet.

 

[YAMI GOKU appears, holding up a sign reading "END!". A purple-haired tomboy appears and clobbers him over the head with an Anime Mallet!.]

 

-+*+-

 

While Mutsumi lost all consciousness and drifted motionlessly in the pool, MacDougal ignored her, plotting a wicked plan of sorts. Eventually, the female lifeguard used a big net to fish Mutsumi out of the pool.

 

-+*+-

 

As Kitsune sat by the water jet in the pool, someone off-screen tapped her on the shoulder.

"o/~ Oh, Kitsune~~~~!" chimed the non-female voice.

"Get lost! Only women are allowed in the episode! (^_^)" Kitsune didn't bother turning around.

 

-+*+-

 

HEPPOKO

JIKKEN

FYUUJON

K A O R A

*

S A A G A

 

(I*****I: Aw, man! I guess they really _aren't_ going to put us in this chapter!)

(N**I: We're already halfway through it! Why start now?)

 

-+*+-

 

Mutsumi was sitting at a parasol-covered table drinking a can of "Tomato Kamen," taking a break from that day's harsh Sunlight.

"*gasp* Otohime-san!" gasped Miryuu, walking over to her, "What a jolly good pleasure it is meeting _you_ here!"

"Ohayou, Miryuu-chan!" greeted Mutsumi, taking a sip of her red tomato juice, "It sure is hot out today, ne? That's why Kaolla-sempai and I are here at the pool, along with this young blond girl we just met!" She set down her beverage on the table, and stood up. "I have to go take a pee. Would it trouble you if I asked you to guard my juice for me?"

Miryuu nodded, smiling like a retarded goof. "Sure, Otohime-san! No problem! I _am_ a proper Englishwoman, after all! (^_^)"

After Mutsumi had exited, Miryuu sat down in her seat, noticing that it was still quite warm. She looked at the can of tomato juice, noticing that it seemed to be overflowing with red fluid.

"<Oh, my! If I put my lips to that can, it'll be an indirect kiss from Otohime-san!>" Miryuu stared at the can, her heart racing, "<But why is this can of tomato juice overflowing? Oh, well...!> *gulp gulp gulp*"

 

-+*+-

 

Taking a small break from the erotic water jet, Kitsune decided to swim the entire length of the pool using the backstroke, timing herself. When she made it to the end of the pool, she checked her time. "Hmmm...thirty seconds...not bad...! (^_^)"

Hatoko was watching her the entire time, sitting down with _Pretty Girl Magazine_ draped over the chest of her damp swimsuit. "Hey, not a bad backstroke, Mitsune! How's about we do it doggy-style next? *ACKPTHBLB!*"

Kitsune blasted Hatoko with a big squirt gun. "That's 'doggy _paddle_', Hatoko-chan! And call me 'Kitsune'! (^_^)"

 

-+*+-

 

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh, my tummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...!" moaned Kaolla, lying on the ground after consuming everything in all of the nearby food shops. A young girl was sitting over her prone body, playing "Wipeout" on her elephantine belly.

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing...!"

 

-+*+-

 

It's time for...

 

Y A M I (*_*) G O K U ' S

M A S T E R P E R V (^_^) T H E A T E R !

 

(MUTSUMI: This is Part Thr--GAACCK! [faints])

 

"NIGHT TERRORS"

 

As soon as Umi had made it to the end of the road, she looked down the hill at the ocean. There was a long beach of sparkling white sand in front of the ocean, with the calm waves lapping at the shore with a natural, soothing rhythm. She also saw a familiar redheaded girl and brunette girl standing on the beach.

"Hikaru-chan! Fuu-chan!" cried Umi as she ran towards the beach.

"UMI-CHAN!" exclaimed Hikaru and Fuu as their blue-haired friend ran towards them. As soon as Umi made it to the beach, she noticed that both Hikaru and Fuu were also in their Magic Knight armor, although Fuu's hair was its normal color, and she was still wearing her glasses.

"What are you two doing here?" asked Umi, desperate for some answers.

Hikaru and Fuu walked up to Umi, looking at her in her blue eyes, smiling. Umi could swear that their smiles were...lustful...?

Umi was right, for it was then that both Hikaru and Fuu hugged her tightly, both kissing her on her cheeks!

Umi's face turned red, and her eyes widened. "Nani...?!" She wanted to separate her two friends from her, but somehow...she didn't want to...

Hikaru and Fuu separated their lips from a flustered Umi's face, and looked at her in her eyes again. "We both love you, Umi-chan!"

"Huh...?" Umi blushed deeper. "You..._both_ love me...?"

"Hai..." whispered Hikaru as she and Fuu took a couple steps back from Umi. "But I've got to confess...I've always loved you much more than Fuu does."

"It's true," nodded Fuu. "You always make me really wet, but Hikaru and I still love each other a lot."

Umi was confused! She knew that she was perfectly heterosexual, yet she was beginning to experience _sexual feelings_ for Hikaru and Fuu! Her feminine juices began to run from her pussy, and her heartbeat increased.

Hikaru and Fuu took a couple more steps back, and began to de-transform. When their armor vanished, Umi was surprised to see that they were both naked underneath!

"Make love to me, Umi-chan...!" whispered a nude Hikaru, walking up to Umi, and putting her hand on her shoulder. Umi shrieked meekly as she looked down at her body, noticing that she had also de-transformed, and that she was also naked underneath her costume!

Hikaru looked down at Umi's pert tits. "Your breasts are so beautiful, Umi-chan. They're so large and soft...!"

 

[YAMI GOKU appears, holding up a sign reading "END!". A bundle of TNT drops down to his feet, and blows him to kingdom come.]

 

-+*+-

 

"Bingo! There she is! Target aquired!" whispered MacDougal, spotting a woman with her binoculars, "Short brown hair, unlit cigarette in mouth!" She pushed a button on her inner tube, which then sprouted a ring of spinning blades. She pulled out her weapon of choice: A giant earthenware pot. "Time to die, lady!" She swam closer to the lady, holding the huge pot above her head. But as soon as she was within striking distance, she noticed something else: A young girl playing with the woman! Could it possibly have been that this woman was...a mother?

"Oh...my...God...!" MacDougal's eyes broke into tears as painful memories surfaced within her mind...

 

-+*+-

 

"NOOOOOOOOOO! *sob* MOMMYYYYYYY! DON'T DIE! *wail* *sob* *cry* MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyy... ...! *sob* *gasp* *sob* sniff*"

"YOU CALL THIS FLOOR CLEAN?! (*whip-crack!*) SCRUB IT _AGAIN_, SLAVE!"

"YOU'RE A POOPY HEAD! *sob* I'M OUTTA HERE, YOU STUPID SLAVE DRIVER! *sob* I'M RUNNING AWAY AND JOINING THE CIRCUS!" (*slam!*)

[calliope music] "*honk honk honk!*" "*ROOOOOAAARRR!*" (*SPLUT!*)

"You're a _crappy_ lion-taming clown, Sara! How'd ya' like to join my..._club_...?"

(*SMASH!* *SMASH!*) "EEEEEEEEEEEEKK! *GGAAAAACCCKK!*"

"TAKE THAT, BEE-YOTCH! I, MACDOUGAL SARA, AM NOW THE WORLD'S GREATEST EARTHENWARE ASSASSIN! BWA HA HA HA HA HA...!"

 

-+*+-

 

Sniffling, MacDougal tossed the pot away, which landed on Mutsumi's head.

(*SMASH!* *SHATTER!* *clatter clatter clatter clatter*)

"Itaaaaaiiii...! (@_@)" Mutsumi coughed up a little blood before passing out.

"OH, CRAP! *sob* GOMEN NASAI, MUTSUMI-SAN!" MacDougal swam towards dry land, to check on the unconscious brown-tressed woman. MacDougal was too slow, for Mutsumi was already being attended to by the Female Lifeguard, being dragged off towards the First-Aid Station.

MacDougal got out of the pool, and sat on the edge, her feet splashing in the water. "Hanii-hanii...I want my mommy-mommy...! *sob* *sob* MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" The Earthenware Assassin burst into tears as the whole World dissolved around her...

 

-+*+-

 

After the white light cleared, MacDougal now found herself standing a short distance from the River Styx, with a familiar woman standing across the flowing stream...

"*gasp* MY MOMMY!"

Sure enough, the spirit of MacDougal's deceased mother was standing on the other side of the river, waving to her. MacDougal started to run towards her. "I'M COMING, MOMMY!"

But before she could get close enough to leap over the river...

"TOMARE! DON'T GET ANY CLOSER TO HER!"

MacDougal turned her head, and looked up at a lanky man, who happened to be Pedroyasu Seta.

"But mister! My mother's beckoning me! I must go greet her!"

Seta pointed at MacDougal's mother. "Look at her closer, MacDougal! She's not beckoning you! She's waving good-bye! If you were to 'greet' her, your soul would be dragged into oblivion!"

MacDougal collapsed on the ground, sniffling. "*sniff* *sob* But... *sob* ...I miss my mommy! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Seta collapsed on the ground next to her. "*sniff* I can sympathize with you... *sob* ...Seta lost his sexy wife to some stupid jerk! *sob* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! *cry*"

"*cry* MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"*cry* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The Great Naru of the Macrocosm appeared, blowing her nose. "*HOOONK!* *sniff* *sob* That's... *sob* ...the saddest thing I've ever heard! *sob* Poor little girl misses her mommy! *cry* OH, GOD! I'VE JUST _GOT_ TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP HER! *sob*"

Her antennae shone and twitched...

 

(**boink!**)

 

-+*+-

 

Back in the Living World, a chubby Kaolla was still lying on the ground after consuming _way_ too much chow...

"*groan* o/~ I'm too sexy for my gut/ Too sexy for my gut/ I've got a little bu~~~tt...! o/~ o/~ *buuuuurp!*"

 

-+*+-

 

Granny Hina was still staring out the window of her office, while Haruka delivered her a report on her goon squad.

"While at the H City Pool, Miryuu Sen, Hatoko Hanagata, and Tenko Amanogawa all seem to have suffered cases of heatstroke. Miryuu-chan's case is the worse, due to her young age. All are at the H Hospital, and are expected to make a complete recovery. There is also the matter of the assassination attempt on me at that same pool while I was playing with my cousin's daughter..."

 

-+*+-

 

Later that day, we join Kaolla in the same place she was at the beginning of this fic.

"That was really fun...getting out for a swim and a bite to eat...but now...my stomach hurts...AND IT'S _STILL_ HOT!"

 

-+*+-

 

"*giggle* I _WUV_ MY MOMMYYYYYYYY! (^_^)" exclaimed MacDougal, skipping down the road with her mother...

 

-+*+-

 

~Episode Eight: The "Increase Hits" Episode~

 

TODAY'S EXPERIMENT... ... ...BEATS ME

 

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Over in the Spirit World, Seta was being angrily leered at by Miryuu and her two friends.

"What gives? That bloke was the only male who didn't get replaced!" Miryuu pointed at Seta with her staff.

"Totally weak, man!" groaned Tenko.

"Let's get him!" roared Hatoko.

"Aww, come on, ladies! Don't you agree that I was the perfect exception, due to my suffering?" Seta struck a defending pose.

The trio charged towards Seta, the archeologist being overpowered within seconds...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

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[Cue Ending Theme, "Menchi's Bolero of Sorrow~ So You're Going to Eat Me"]

 

[Tama walks up to a microphone in the middle of a spotlight. She adjusts the mike, and starts to sing. As she sings, a woman (let's just say it's Nyamo from the Summer Special) appears in a bubble beside her, and translates Tama's singing. Occasionally during the song, a hand shakes salt down onto Tama.]

 

Starring...

 

Kaolla Suu as Kaolla Kaolla (Parody of Excel Excel)

 

(TAMA: Myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...)

[NYAMO: "I knew, ever since that day..."]

 

Mutsumi Otohime as Mutsumi (Parody of Hyatt)

 

(TAMA: Myuuhh, myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuuuuuhhh...!)

[NYAMO: "...the reason that you had approached me."]

 

Noriyasu Seta as Pedroyasu Seta (Parody of Seta)

 

Tama-chan as Tama (Parody of Menchi)

 

(TAMA: Myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...)

[NYAMO: "Tender and soft..."]

 

Miryuu Sen as herself (Replacement for Negi Watanabe)

 

Hatoko Hanagata as herself (Replacement for Masakuni Iwatani)

 

Tenko Amanogawa as herself (Replacement for Kimimaru Shiraiyoshi)

 

(TAMA: Myuuhh, myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuuuuuhhh...!)

[NYAMO: "...that my body is to your tastes."]

 

Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno as Mitsune "Kitsune" Matsuya (Parody of Misaki Matsuya)

 

(TAMA: Myuuuuhh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuuuhh...myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuuuhh...?)

[NYAMO: "To your hunger-stricken eyes, how does my body seem?"]

 

Grandma Hina as Hina Kabapu (Parody of Kabapu)

 

(TAMA: Myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...)

[NYAMO: "If you are to eat me, do it in one blow..."]

 

Haruka Urashima as Haruka Momoji (Parody of Momoji)

 

Sara MacDougal as MacDougal Sara (Parody of Cosette Sara)

 

(TAMA: Myuh, myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuuuuuuhhh...)

[NYAMO: "...so that the meat does not get hard."]

 

[As the song ends and the curtain closes, a hand grabs Tama off the stage.]

 

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A YAMI GOKU FQX PRODUCTION

KAOLLA: o/~ Let's go bowlin' bowlin' bowlin' bowlin' bowlin'!/ Keep on bowlin' bowlin' bowlin' bowlin' bowlin'! So let's go bowling now!/ Everybody's learning how!/ Come on a bowling safari with me! o/~ Next time on "Kaolla Saga," it's Episode Nine: "Bowling Girls"! o/~ Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama/ Or maybe I'll go bowling.../ Or I just might go bowling.../ Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling.../ Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament, put on a stupid-looking shirt and go bowling.../ Instead! Yeaaaahh! o/~ o/~

 

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Yami Goku: dark_magician720@att.net