Loveless Fan Fiction ❯ Reflections ❯ Hate ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Author: Calex
Title: Hate
Rating: PG - 13 for connotations of abuse.
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Soubi/(implied Ritsu-sensei)

Hate

I didn't want to remember you. I wanted to wash you from my skin, to purge your words from my mind. I never could, never could completely get away from the stinging kiss of your lash on my back, feeling the rivulets of blood that you trail, my blood, red against my pale skin. I wanted to leave behind everything you taught me, especially when it was you that left me, you that abandoned me, you that gave me away like I was nothing more than a toy and you my toy master.

I hate you. It is something that I have professed for years, the words that spill from between my lips like bitter poison which has slowly, irrevocably dirtied my soul. Dirtied me so that I fear, sometimes, that I will pass your poison onto the purity that is Ritsuka's needs, Ritsuka's wants, Ritsuka's lips. Him whom I have found myself loving far more than I thought I could possibly love anything at all.

Yet what bothers me, behind my cool eyes and unaffected smile, behind my fearless gaze, is this. I hate that it is your "lessons" that has saved me, and saved him. I want nothing of your darkness, of our darkness to touch him.