Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Attack of the Pink Blob ❯ Attack of the Pink Blob ( Chapter 1 )

Attack of the Pink Blob

Warning: PARODY! Lee-discrimination for a good part of the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and characters.

Special thanks to my wonderful Beta-er, Nika. Thank you very much!

It was Mid Chuunin-exam, preliminary round. Second fight, and Sakura and Ino were up next.

And sure, it would go entirely like the actual series, if it weren't for a change in the plot.

“Sakura-chan!” The exuberant cheer was heard all over the area. Said person looked around, only to face..

“Let's join our beautiful Youths together! That way you can beat Ino-chan for sure!” If possible, this second cheer was even more exuberant than the first.

And from there it all went downhill.

Lee's left eye closed, and almost in slow-motion, a pink blob was formed. The pink blob got bigger, bigger, rounder, and sharper at the bottom... and slowly, but surely, a heart-shape could be distinguished from it.

The blob kept on growing.

And when the blob had the right shape, size, color, and love mixed in it, Lee's eye opened. It opened with so much power, with so much love, that the blob was catapulted at an alarming speed.

Straight to Sakura of course.

Dodge! She had to dodge that weird thing! After all, who knows what that pink blob, unmistakably shaped into a happy pink heart, contained! Because we cannot forget that the pink blob, filled with love, came from those eyes -those HORRIBLE round and big and ROUND eyes!- and who knows how Lee was capable to create a heart with a mere wink of his eyes!

DOGDE!

Inner-Sakura kept on screaming the word as a mantra, as Sakura quickly scanned all possible ways to escape the pink blob, which she refused to call a `kiss' because this was Lee she was walking about!

Right? Left? Jump? Duck?

During her inner confusion, the heart kept on floating closer and closer. Sakura went rigid, then twirled dangerously close to the floating heart, until her muscles finally started complying and Sakura bent backward and backward and backward and-..

She hit her head on the ground, the floating blob narrowly missing her.

SMOOCH!

Wait.. The blob missed her! There shouldn't be a soundly `Smooch!' when the blob had missed its target! The blob could actually only make that sound if it hit something-

“Fuzzy-Brows, you have worse luck than me! Whahahah!”

Or someone.

“Gaah, Sorry! Sorry! I did not mean to-.. I-I thought I aimed it correct, but now it seems like I didn't after all! Sorry, sorry, SORRY!” If Lee hadn't gathered all attention in the first place, he sure had it now. His big eyes, teary and HUGE (even for his standards) matched the ones of a kicked puppy, while he was already kneeling down and bowing very dramatically.

Of course kicked puppies never had to face the wrath of the Hyuuga prodigy.

“LEE! ARE YOU CRAZY?”

“Sorry, sorry, SORRY!”

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?”

“SOOORRYY!!”

“You might have KILLED me with this.. this..-“

The Hyuuga was at loss of words. After all, was there actually a word for something as pink and scary as the thing that just hit him?!

“I HATE YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!” The Hyuuga prodigy kept on screaming, yelling, cussing and growling, not caring at all that he had gathered quite some attention now. Even those stoic people from other countries were all looking in his direction, as Neji let out another roar. A few feet away, Lee was still bowing, apologizing and hoping Neji wouldn't chop his head off, or rather, poke his eyes out. Not that Lee understood why Neji was getting so fussed up.

It was just a kiss!

Surely Neji wouldn't be angry because he now looked almost exactly like Gaara?! After all, Gaara had that AI tattoo on his forehead..

And Neji now had a nice pink colored heart sticking on his cheek?

Lee swallowed loud. Shiiiiiiiiit: How was he even gonna live this one down?

“SORRY!” Lee made a dramatic bow another time, but the Hyuuga Branch member didn't much respond to that: he had stopped yelling, and was now getting an unhealthy green color in his face as he tried to feel what the HELL Lee had actually thrown at him. Neji slowly lifted his hand to his face, before poking the pink blob with his index finger. It wiggled a bit like jelly, but nothing happened otherwise.

Neji grew bolder. He ignored the now frantic screams and pleas coming from Lee's direction, and touched the pink blob again. Nothing. Still no magical explosion or deathly after-smooch or..

Whatever: Neji was still safe, and he liked to stay that way. Now if he could only understand what the blob was, so he could effectively destroy it!

He poked the blob again, this time with two fingers. Again, it moved a bit, but still no other reaction. This made Neji take a deep breath, before grabbing the tip with his two fingers, before slowly lifting it off his cheek.

A loud sticky noise was heard, but Neji didn't stop his hazardous task of removing the unidentified object. After the top had let go, and the pink blob was nothing more than a mere heart-shaped object captured between Neji's fingers, he breathed out again. It looked like he was safe again.

“Neji! Don't move, or you'll-“

Nobody would ever know what Lee wanted to say. Because the very moment Neji had decided the blob was harmless and had thrown it away, he suddenly swayed dangerously, before collapsing on his back.

“NEJI!” Few people screamed his name, but it was all a waist of air. Neji did not respond.

Neji lay on his back, head turned to the ceiling. His eyes were open. Unfocussed, half-lidded, with blurry white orbs, but open. His cheeks on the other hand..

Pink.

Neji was blushing like no tomorrow.

And suddenly he got up in one fluid movement. He swayed a little bit, before looking in Lee's direction with an eerie expression.

“.. Neji?” Sounded the unsure voice of poor, poor Lee. It did not matter much. Nobody could save him anymore: Not even Mighty Gai, with his Mighty Moves and Mighty Eye-brows.

Neji suddenly speeded toward Lee with an incredible speed, and before anyone could react, before anyone could interfere, before anyone could save Poor Lee just like Poor Neji had to be saved - but wasn't - when he was attacked by that awful pink blob...

Neji took a dive,

landed straight on Lee,

before hungrily,

jerkily,

and most brutally,

kissing Lee back.

(Strangely no-one asked why the pink blob was ever able to trespass Neji's 360 degree vision in the first place.

Perhaps it just was his FATE)