Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Dawnwalker ❯ The Empty Soul ( Chapter 7 )

Dawnwalker

 

.VII.

 

You remember what I told you before. There is nothing left for you now. What reasons do you have for defying me? Or do you possess such masochism by nature? Of course, it means nothing to me. If you are in such want of being hurt, I'll be more than happy to give you your pain… Just don't forget. You have nothing. And I have you.

 

“Are you even paying attention, you bastard?”

 

Sasuke blinked slowly. Where was he? Naruto's face swam into his vision, the redhead's annoyed expression almost eliciting a smile from him. Right, he remembered. He was with Naruto and the others now. Sasuke leaned back languidly.

 

“Not in the slightest,” he answered in response to Naruto's query.

 

Naruto looked apoplectic. “You little…”

 

“Now, now, Shiro. Let's not murder our comrade,” Lee calmly interrupted.

 

Sasuke had to hide his smile at that. So he was a comrade now? Leave it to Lee to word such delicate situations so easily. He looked around the spacious tent. People were starting to fill in the makeshift arena quickly. The show would be starting soon it seemed. Sasuke glanced at his watch. Well, it was about time. He felt as if the day would never end.

 

“Um, Sasuke, are you…okay?”

 

The dark-haired man looked to his right. Lee was being very considerate of him. It had surprised Sasuke originally. But Lee had always been like that. He was the quickest to accept him—and he was amazingly receptive to his mood changes. Sasuke wasn't too sure if he liked that. He never did take to people who could read him easily. It made him feel uncomfortable. He had spent the better part of eight years keeping his true emotions from surfacing and all it took was a single former comrade to infiltrate his shields. And Lee wasn't even aware he was doing it either. Sasuke shot the older man a half smile.

 

“Does it matter?” he replied coolly.

 

Lee looked genuinely confused by that.

 

“Well…it's important that you're okay because…you're…a part of the team.”

 

Sasuke could have laughed if those words hadn't struck so close to home. Instead, he raised an eyebrow and turned to face the center stage. “Team, huh? Now that sure brings back memories,” he commented idly.

 

Lee scrunched up his eyebrows deeply. He didn't understand it. No, he didn't want to understand it. Sasuke was too much for him. Even worse than Neji—if that was possible. But there was such a lonely air about the younger man that made Lee gravitate towards him unknowingly. It was in his nature to help people, but Sasuke was proving to be something else entirely. Neji, he was used to. Lee could tolerate the other man's piercing glares and noncommittal grunts—he had nearly ten years of experience in reading those little reactions. But Sasuke, as Lee found out soon enough, was not Neji. There were times where Lee could almost detect the slightest trace of humanity in the younger man—but then he would just close up again and speak with his usual enigmatic words. Lee didn't understand it. And the more he hung around Sasuke, the more he was beginning to think it was impossible to ever fully comprehend his strangeness.

 

But he still felt pressured to try. Lee didn't know why. His instincts just told him to, and so listen to his instincts he did—no matter how much of a fool he made of himself in the process. And Sasuke had a wonderful talent in making Lee feel like an idiot with just a single sentence. Much worse than Neji indeed.

 

“Did you ever go to the circus?” asked Lee, deciding to bring up another topic.

 

Sasuke didn't look at him as he replied. “No. I don't like circuses.”

 

Oh? This is new, thought Lee eagerly. “Why not?” he inquired curiously. It seemed all his hard work was finally amounting to something.

 

“Because everything is so fake.”

 

“R-really? Well…I never thought of it that way…”

 

It was not the answer Lee had expected. And now he was feeling even more puzzled than before. Obviously, there was a deeper meaning in Sasuke's words. Something that he would not understand because he simply didn't know the younger man enough. Perhaps Naruto or Kakashi would have been able to decipher his hidden message. Lee shook his head. This was bringing him back to the time he first met Neji. Except Neji was still just a child and therefore not as adept at fully masking his emotions. That was why they had such a volatile relationship in the beginning. Lee smiled. Oh, but at least back then he knew exactly what Neji felt. He preferred arguing to a one-sided conversation.

 

A one-sided conversation like the one he was having with Sasuke now.

 

Which was really starting to mystify him.

 

“What exactly do you mean by fake?”

 

Sasuke finally looked at him. “The atmosphere, the show, the people. Everything is fake. There is no truth behind the smiles. Only a false show that emulates life—because emulation is all they can do to survive,” he said slowly.

 

“I see. That was rather deep, Sasuke.”

 

In reality, Lee had no idea what the younger man had just said. He merely nodded along obliviously. Something about no emotions and imitation of life? Lee was not that philosophical of a person. It was surprising that Sasuke would even reveal that much of himself to him. Maybe he would go to Neji later and ask him what he thought of Sasuke's words—providing he would be able to recall them. Lee pursed his lips. “Everything is fake. There is no truth behind the smiles. Only a false show that emulates life—because emulation is all they can do to survive.” He repeated the words over and over again until they were in his head. Lee smiled happily.

 

“But the audience seems to enjoy it, right? Especially the children. At least they can be happy for this time!”

 

There must have been something in his words that made Sasuke freeze like that. For a moment Lee was afraid he had said something offensive to him. But then Sasuke nodded slightly—and he caught sight of what may have been the first real smile from the younger man since he joined them.

 

“Well…that's true.”

 

That was all he said. But for some inexplicable reason Lee felt overjoyed.

 

When the torches surrounding the leather tent dimmed out, the audience went into a hushed silence. Sasuke peered around the darkness until a burst of light exploded from the stage, startling the children and some adults into gasps of surprise and wonder. Sasuke stared at the scene indifferently, placing a chin in his hand with a sigh. Fortunately, the show was not long. He had no idea how Shikamaru managed to convince him to watch the spectacle with Naruto and Lee.

 

Sasuke snorted. Well, considering Neji was required for surveying the backstage trailers for the missing scroll, he assumed Shikamaru just wanted to keep them separate for the time being. He was sure Neji told the captain about their little quarrel on the rooftop. Shikamaru probably thought putting him and Neji together would have been even worse than him and Naruto. And amazingly enough, he was proving to be right on that assumption. Naruto was fun to tease because he was so responsive to his taunts. But Sasuke grew bored of that relatively quickly. Neji was more amusing to watch because drawing a reaction from him took nearly all of Sasuke's efforts to accomplish. There was a challenge in getting the older man to crack in which he could not deny.

 

But alas, Neji was somewhere in the back trailers of the tent with Shikamaru and Kakashi trying to find their prized scroll. Sasuke stared at the acrobats dancing through the air in boredom. He was starting to wonder if he had leapt into this situation too quickly. He had grown accustomed to being treated like swine—for eight years he had come to believe he truly had nothing left and that he himself was nothing. But being surrounded by old comrades again had stirred something in him—something he thought was gone entirely. Sasuke narrowed his eyes. There was no time for sentiments. He wouldn't allow it. It was too late for anything to change his mind. Sasuke had decided on that a long time ago. What he was doing now was only short-term. He would ultimately go back to his solitude and everyone else could continue living their lives in bliss.

 

“They're good! They must have a lot of trust in their partners to be able to do all that, right?” exclaimed Lee, his eyes alight with an innocent glee not unlike those of children.

 

Naruto grinned back. “I know for a fact Tetsuya would never trust me with even taking care of his plants.”

 

“That's because you left them all to die once.”

 

“That was a mistake, okay? Sheesh… He's never gonna let that one go is he?”

 

Sasuke looked at the redhead carefully. “You couldn't even take care of a bunch of plants? It's amazing you're alive at all,” he remarked dryly.

 

Naruto fumed silently but refrained from saying anything. He had expected Sasuke to say something—the dark-haired man could never resist a good jibe when he could get it—and it was all Naruto could do to keep from going completely ballistic these past few days. He didn't understand why Shikamaru wanted them to stay at the show. Was he really expecting there to be a disruption? To be quite sure, he suspected his captain just wanted him and Sasuke to finally get over their problems. Well, Naruto thought grimly, Shikamaru was expecting a miracle then—because that would never happen. He wasn't so mad at Sasuke anymore for leaving; he had gotten over that a long time ago. The man was undeniably selfish, abandoning his team for the sake of revenge, but Naruto could not hold his anger forever. Sasuke had given them a clear warning way back in the beginning that he lived for vengeance. He, Sakura, and Kakashi shouldn't have expected much else.

 

But like the idealists they were, they had hoped Sasuke would turn away from that path eventually. And it seemed like he would for a time—until Orochimaru had burst their happy bubble. Naruto gritted his teeth. Everything came back to him it seemed. And now, he didn't know what to do with Sasuke. The man had changed so much that it frightened him more than anything else. Only when they were arguing did it seem the old Sasuke was back. Perhaps that was why Naruto indulged on those occasions so frequently—because there was that glimpse of the young twelve-year-old boy he had first come to know as a teammate and friend. Outside of their arguments Naruto could only watch—watch and listen with growing sadness and pain from realizing what had happened to his friend.

 

Here was a shadow of Uchiha Sasuke, someone Naruto would formerly describe—albeit very grudgingly—as a good friend. Now he didn't know what to say about the other man. And it killed him inwardly. He wanted so badly to be comfortable around Sasuke again. But his naturally open-minded words and gestures were doing nothing for him. Naruto knew what Sasuke was doing. He knew the other man had iced his heart over, that the emotions he displayed were nothing but a farce. But he also knew that deep down those feelings still existed in Sasuke; Naruto just didn't know how to bring them out. And moreover, Sasuke didn't want them to surface. That just made him even more confused and sad. What exactly did Sasuke undergo in the last eight years that made him become so cold? That made him willingly forsake his emotions?

 

“I hate clowns. They freak the hell out of me.”

 

“Really? Why? They're funny!”

 

“Maybe to you, Shuu, but they always made me uncomfortable. Something about the fact that they're always smiling… It's unreal.”

 

“You're funny, Shiro.”

 

“Yeah, well, I imagine they wouldn't scare you considering you look even more…er…”

 

“Eh? What was that?”

 

“Uh, nothing. Never mind.”

 

The clowns Naruto were referring to paraded across the stage, throwing out little treats and toys to the audience while making complete fools of themselves on unicycles and numerous other props. One of them had been juggling a few random bottles in the air before allowing them to drop suddenly with a crash. He looked at the audience sheepishly and they laughed in response.

 

It was then that the same clown looked upwards in their direction and smiled. Naruto froze as he saw the painted smile and glittering eyes directed at him. Suddenly, a sense of overwhelming dread and fear overtook him and he stood up at once, looking wildly at the stage. But the clown had moved away and was now facing the other side of the tent. Naruto's eyes were wide as he attempted to catch his breathing. What the hell was that? He swallowed once to rid the tightness in his throat and shook his head while laughing skittishly.

 

“Well, fuck,” he muttered. A cold sweat had broke out over him. Naruto wiped his forehead with a sleeve but didn't sit down.

 

Lee watched him closely with concern. “Shiro? Are you okay?” he asked, wondering what had made his companion stand up so abruptly during the show.

 

“Yeah. Just…I need a little breather. I'll catch you after the show,” replied Naruto distantly as he turned to leave.

 

“What…? Wait, Na—Shiro!”

 

But the redhead had dispersed easily into the dark crowd and Lee's cries went unheard. He frowned deeply and sat back down disappointedly. “He seemed really disturbed. I wonder why,” he murmured more to himself than anything else. But Sasuke caught those words anyway.

 

“He saw for himself the falseness of the people here.”

 

Lee looked at him sharply. “What do you mean?” he demanded.

 

Sasuke gave a small smirk. “I always knew he was more perceptive than what people gave him credit for,” he said airily, looking at the clowns with renewed interest. “They're the fakest of the lot. The most horrible. And I'm no better.”

 

The younger man then looked at Lee. “By the way…Shiro's under attack. I think we should help him, no?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Neji looked around the mess of a trailer with certain distaste written in his gaze. He understood that circuses were always on the move, but that did not justify the states of their temporary lodgings. Thankfully, it was not required of him to touch anything. He only needed to scan the area swiftly before moving on.

 

But they had been searching for close to half an hour now. Surely, it shouldn't have taken them this long to find a single scroll. And not to mention, for being a roaming circus, they sure did have a lot of miscellaneous scrolls hanging around. Some, it seemed, appeared to be props used for the shows. But there were a few that actually contained specific ingredients for potions. Neji was not a medical ninja and had no idea what they could have been used for, but he did not get an easy feeling from them.

 

However, since they were not related to their mission, he was forced to leave them alone. Shikamaru had made that statement plain enough. “Don't get sidetracked by irrelevant matters,” he had said in his usual blasé tone when Neji pointed out those suspicious scrolls. Kakashi had worded it a little differently. “Look but don't ask.” All in all Neji had been cornered into a defeat. He resumed his search while Kakashi and Shikamaru went into the other trailers. At times Neji wondered to himself how one scroll could be so hard to find. And they were so close to the end of their mission. This made Neji double his efforts—but all the more impatient when he discovered that his efforts were coming up with nothing.

 

They had been at it for close to an hour when Neji finally saw it. Lying under a wastebasket and about a dozen paper balls in a corner where the filth gathered most heavily, was the innocently shaped form of a scroll. Neji walked over to the back and dug around furiously until he drew up the scroll in his hand. He eyed it carefully for several seconds before allowing a small smile to come to his face. This was it.

 

He stood up and deactivated his Byakugan while brushing off his clothes. He then snuck around outside and caught Kakashi and Shikamaru walking out of their trailers at nearly the same time. Neji nodded triumphantly at them and tossed the scroll to Kakashi.

 

“Is it genuine?”

 

Kakashi eyed it for only a second before nodding, throwing it to Shikamaru. “Well, it seems like we're finished here,” he said calmly.

 

“Thank God,” muttered Shikamaru as he pocketed the scroll. He cracked his neck to the side. “I was getting really tired of this `traveling business.'”

 

Before any of them could say anymore, however, an ear-piercing scream was issued into the air. Neji's Byakugan went on almost instinctively and his eyes flew around the area until he spotted the tent where the circus was performing smoking in the distance. He narrowed his eyes even further until he could see the figures fighting along the grounds and the people swarming out of the tent in a panicked rush.

 

“There are people fighting and the performing tent is on fire. It's pandemonium over there,” he said.

 

Shikamaru crossed his arms thoughtfully. “Can you see the fighters?”

 

“No.” Then there was a shock of red in his vision. Neji frowned slightly. “I see Naruto,” he corrected.

 

“Typical,” remarked Kakashi. He stretched his limbs. “Now I wonder who set the place on fire.”

 

“Possibly more shinobi in search of the scroll. They must have been really desperate to pull something this dramatic, though. And I told Naruto to specifically avoid fighting. Idiot never listens to me,” Shikamaru said with a scowl. “And I don't even want to imagine what Lee and Sasuke are doing. Let's go.”

 

The three charged forward into the arising panic gathered around the flaming tent. The fire had grown into a true monster, flames licking at the corners and flaps of leather whipping out to lash any unwary passerby. A low groan was issued from the burning site and Neji soon realized that the supporting posts were on the verge of breakdown. People were still filing out of the fiery deathtrap in disarray. They would barely make it in time before the tent collapsed entirely.

 

“Dammit. Where the hell are they?” cursed Shikamaru. He was more worried than annoyed, though he would never admit it openly. It seemed like his team was always trying to give him a heart attack.

 

“There!”

 

At Neji's exclaim Shikamaru looked up and saw Naruto flying through the air before landing ungracefully at their feet. The shadow manipulator gave no sign of his relief as he stepped on Naruto's hand scathingly.

 

“Thrill seeker. What exactly have you been doing?” he asked in usual dull tone despite the increasing pressure he was applying on Naruto's hand.

 

The redhead shot him a withering look. “Sorry?”

 

“No one recognized you did they?” continued Neji, distinctly more calm and less threatening than Shikamaru.

 

Naruto nodded quickly. “Yeah, yeah! There was only three of them and I only got to them after they set the place on fire. I beat them up, no problem!” he said hurriedly.

 

“No problem? But Sasuke and I had to help you when one of the guys got you in a genjutsu,” quipped Lee from out of nowhere as he descended upon them.

 

Naruto looked ready to argue before pausing to stare at Lee. “Where the hell did you come from?” he asked confoundedly.

 

“From above.”

 

“What are you, a goddamn angel?”

 

Lee laughed sincerely at that. “You're too funny, Shiro!”

 

Naruto stared at him bitterly.

 

“Where's Sasuke?” Kakashi asked in his usual laidback manner, though there was no concealment of his concern in his eyes.

 

“Sasuke? Well…after we helped out Shiro the fire had spread already so we decided to help smother it. But no matter what we did nothing helped—I think it may have been due to a ninjutsu—so Sasuke said something about getting the people out and then he disappeared.”

 

“That bastard. He better not have run away,” said Naruto darkly.

 

Neji had been in the middle of inspecting the inside of the tent to see if there were any stragglers before spotting two young children. He clenched his fist.

 

“There's two kids in there. I'll go get them.”

 

But before he could even move the tent burst into a roar of flames and the sharp snaps of wood alerted them of the falling supports. The five of them moved back automatically as the entire tent collapsed to the ground.

 

“Shit! Those kids!” cried out Naruto in dismay. He appeared on the brink of leaping into the danger zone before Shikamaru grabbed hold of his wrist.

 

“It's too late, man,” he said solemnly.

 

Naruto jerked out of his hold violently. With his head bowed and his fists clenched, he swore under his breath. “Dammit,” he said hoarsely.

 

“Playing hero's going to get you nowhere in life, idiot. You should just worry about your own life for once.”

 

Everyone turned around as Sasuke walked up to them, holding two children in his arms. Naruto stared in bafflement as he watched Sasuke place the boys on the ground gently.

 

“Now, where are your parents?” he asked.

 

One of the boys—presumably the older one—sniffled loudly but answered with a solid, “They're here somewhere. They wouldn't leave without us.”

 

Naruto saw an uncustomary smile fill Sasuke's face—a smile that bespoke of friendliness and sincerity. “I imagine so. It seems they're on their way now,” he said brightly.

 

The boys turned around and their faces lit up as two adults ran towards them, crying. Naruto watched the tearful reunion with a smile. But that smile soon disappeared when the parents addressed Sasuke personally to thank him for saving their children. Though the dark-haired man smiled politely enough and was as gracious as Naruto had ever seen him, it made him feel extremely uneasy. There it was. Sasuke was pretending again—only this time it was blatantly obvious. But the man did it so well that Naruto couldn't help but wonder if whether the Sasuke he knew now was also a mask. Perhaps when he was arguing with him, all Sasuke was doing was acting. Acting to make him feel reassured. But then why would he do such a thing? Why was he even bothering to pretend?

 

“You're such a hypocrite,” he said coldly as the family left.

 

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

 

“You tell me to watch out for my own life yet you save those kids. Hypocritical, isn't it?”

 

“My, my, how very astute of you! But I was looking out for my own life you see… It's just that those kids happened to fall along my path. I couldn't very well ignore them after that!” he said with mocking sarcasm.

 

Naruto gritted his teeth and finally acted on his instincts. He punched Sasuke.

 

“Na—Shiro!” protested Lee.

 

But he was beyond listening to what the others had to say. After all, wasn't he the one who knew Sasuke best besides Kakashi? He had trained and bled for this man. He was not going to take it anymore.

 

“You bastard! Quit hiding behind your stupid masks and just show yourself! I don't care about what the hell happened to you before but you're not going to treat me like this anymore! I'm different now and obviously, so are you. So if you think you can happily pretend to be the kid you were eight years ago, think again. I know you're lying. I know you're not real. And I'm sick and tired of falling for your games. Stop messing with my head and just be honest for once!” he shouted.

 

Sasuke didn't say anything for a while. And during that time a stifling tension marked each man. They stood in the middle of a field with a burning tent in front of them and a screaming mass behind them—and yet no one broke the enthralling trance. They were motionless in the motion around them.

 

And then Sasuke cut through the silence with a knife that was his words. “Perceptive indeed,” he began in a low tone. There was no emotion in his eyes this time, though. As Naruto had requested of him, he stripped away all facades to reveal the coldness that was his heart. “Well, since you insist on me being true to myself, I suppose I have no choice now. Satisfied?”

 

Naruto's lips trembled as tears welled up in his eyes. But he did not let them fall. He looked at his former teammate dead in the eye, capturing the moment forever into his memory.

 

“Yeah,” he said softly.

 

The words came unbidden to Sasuke's mind as his eyes resumed a faraway gleam.

 

You're utterly emotionless, right? You know very well like I do that there is no hope of you regaining your humanity. That was the price you had to pay in order to become stronger. But yet…even as I watch you now…why do I get the slightest feeling that I'm not entirely correct on this assumption?

 

TBC