Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Itachi's Plans From A to Z ❯ Plan D- Fool Around in the Konoha Village and then get Naruto ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I do own the yaoi prostitutes, the Jaraiya Headquarters, the yaoi T.V program, the Itachi- killing game, the Yu Yu photos, the
super time traveling device, and the flooded stripping club! ^_^



~ At Jaraiya Headquarters~

Jaraiya: We have Naruto, sir.

Kishimoto: Bring him in.

* Two bodyguards bring Naruto *

Jaraiya: Hello, Naruto.

Naruto: Wha- where am I?

Jaraiya: Jaraiya Headquarters.

Naruto: You actually own your own place? Boy... this is bad.

Kishimoto: SILENCE!!!!! Now men, we are here to discuss-

Naruto: How the two Akatsuki idiots ruined the whole plot of the anime? 0_0

Kishimoto: Precisely. Now, in order to restore all natural calamities, and makesure that the yaoi T. V program never existed-

Naruto: 0_0

Kishimoto: We'll use this super time traveling device.

Jaraiya: O_o Time travel?

Kishimoto: Yes. We'll go back to the first episode of the series and tell that Naruto never to go to that evil hotel.

Naruto: Even if I were to go to another hotel, they would still track me down. -_-

Kishimoto: Next, we'll capture Miko and make sure she never comes to this anime ever again! Look what she did to Yu Yu Hakusho... * Shows photos*

Yusuke: * In surgery*

Kurama: *Broken rose whip replaced by fangirl's thongs*

Kuwabara: * Holding sign on street that says, "Will act stupid for food*

Hiei: * Lying in some random coffin*

Naruto: ...

Kishimoto: Now that you have witnessed Miko's evil-

Naruto: You said that the two Akatsuki morons ruined it.

Kishimoto: No, you said that.

Naruto: Why did you say, "precisely?"

Kishimoto: ... FINE!!! AUTHOR'S FAULT!!!! You're even more annoying than the whole Hyuga clan put together!!!

~ Flashback~

Hiashi: This sucks! I don't even get enough screentime!

Hanabi: Father, I know how you feel...

Hinata: You two don't even deserve any screen time because you two are both below me. Not to mention, you two aren't even main characters.

Hiashi: EVEN NEJI GETS MORE SCREEN TIME THAN ME!!!!

Hinata: * Rolls eyes* Idiot.

Hanabi: Father, please don't be angry...

Hiashi: Hanabi, I have something important for you to do. INTERRUPT EVERY SCREEN MOMENT NEJI GETS!!! DO YOUR WORST PRANKS ON HIM!!
I WANT REVENGE!!!!

Hanabi: O_o

Hiashi: Don't give me that face!!!

Neji: You were plotting behind my back?!

Hinata: What does it look like they're doing?

Neji: It's murder time!!!

Kishimoto: I'm so glad I wrote most of the Uchiha clan out of the show... they would have been even worse than these imbeciles.

Neji: You're included too, bitch!!!

Miko: *Appears* Time out!!! People, you should reason with each other...

Hinata: LET'S KICK ASS!!!!

Miko: Okay... -.-

Neji: VERY WELL!!! TO THE DEATH!!!

* Very violent fight breaks out*

Kishimoto: Thanks a lot, Miko...

Miko: What?!

Kishimoto: I'm going to kill you now...

Miko: !__! * Teleports back home*

Kishimoto: Damn it.

Hanabi: Father, can we go to Disney World now?

Hiashi: Hell no!

Hanabi: But daddy... I thought I was your favorite...

Hiashi: Hanabi, two words... "shut... up."

Hanabi: You're such a giant prick! Seriously, you need a mommy.

Hiashi: -____- My daughters are bitches...

~End flashback~

Naruto: Hinata's dad needs anger management classes.

Kishimoto: We tried that, but he ended up chasing this old lady down the street over a game of go.

Jaraiya: Poor guy... makes you feel sorry for him... and not to mention both of his daughters are jerks.

Naruto: Hinata's not a jerk... she's just pissed at the lack of respect she's been getting lately.

Jaraiya: What about Hanabi?

Naruto: That girl... needs serious help. That moron of a father Hiashi is not letting her go to Disney World because he thinks it's too babyish.

Kishimoto: Let's go back to the time machine plan.

Naruto: But I want to continue making fun of Hiashi.

Kishimoto: The plan is already failing in front of my eyes.

~Back at hotel~

* Door knocks*

Miko: Who is it? * Opens door* Oh crap crap crappity crap...

Kisame: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Prostitutes: We're here to get Kisame back.

Miko: Umm... that is not okay at the moment... see, he has an important mission. So once he's done, you can have as much fun with him as you want.

Naruto: REALLY?!

Miko: Yeah.

Naruto: Hmmm... alright, let's get him anyway.

Miko: *Slaps head* >_< I've never met someone so annoying in my whole life.

Kisame: 0_0

Itachi: This is horrifying.

Sasuke: Where is my prostitute self?

Naruto: Ohh... Sasuke's sick today.

Sasuke: -_- That's it... it's Itachi hunting time.

Itachi: AIEEE!!!!!!!!! * jumps out window*

Prostitute Itachi: * Jumps out window after Itachi*

Sasuke: Come back here you cowards!!! * Grabs random butcher knife and jumps out window*

Miko: It's up to you, Kisame. I have to get those idiots back before they destroy the village- again! * Jumps out window*

Kisame: 0_0 I'm done for...

Naruto: Let's play tag!!!

Kisame: Who's it?

Naruto: All of us.

Kisame: O_O That's nice. *Dashes for the window and jumps out*

Naruto: Come on girls- I mean, boys!

Neji: That's the third time you messed up today!

Kiba: You do that again and you won't get Kisame for a year!

Naruto: 0_0 Okay, I'll be good.

~Konoha streets~

Sasuke: DIE ITACHIS!!!!

Itachis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Both runs into random stripping club*

Sasuke: !_! *Stops* The last time I thought this place was a library, I nearly got a job as a pole dancer!

Miko: * Appears*

Sasuke: DON'T DO THAT!!!!

~At Ichiraku~

Kisame: One bowl of ramen here!

Old dude: Aren't you that evil shark guy?

Kisame: No... I'm the ramen inspector.

Old dude: !_! Ayame! bring me the best ingredients!!!

Ayame: Is it the ramen inspector?

Old dude: Yep.

Ayame: * Runs out*

Kisame: ~I should be safe here~

Ayame: Dad! There are prostitutes outside!

Old dude: O_o This day kees getting weirder and weirder.

Kisame: I have to go now...

Old dude: What about the ramen inspection?

Kisame: There's another ramen store I have to go to.

Old dude: -_-

Kisame: Sorry! Bye!

*Runs off*

Old dude: That son of a bitch!!!

~Stripping club~

Miko: I see the prostitute Itachi.

Sasuke: * Goes over and grabs Itachi*

Manager: Hold it! That's my stripper!

Sasuke: Stripper this!!! *Kicks manager in crotch*

Miko: ^_^ This is fun! * Claps*

Manager: Owwww!!!!!

P. Itachi: Where is Kisame?

Sasuke: He's dead!

P. Itachi: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Weeps*

Sasuke: =^_^=

Miko: -_-

Itachi: Yo! Whassup?

Miko: You better watch out.

Sasuke: I have good/bad news, Itachi. Kisame is dead.

Itachi: !_! How am I supposed to contiue the plan now?

P. Itachi: * Cries even harder and the tears start flooding the floor*

Miko: ...

Itachi: Kisame!!! * Cries even louder and harder*

Sasuke: MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Miko: *Escapes from flooding club*

* Water creeps into the village*

Random villager: Oh boy, water! I'm thirsty. * Drinks tears* Yuck! This is saltwater!!!

Miko: Actually, you're drinking the tears of Prostitute Itachi and the Uchiha Itachi himself!!!

R V: !_! MOMMY!!!!! * Runs away*

~With Kisame~

Kisame: HELP ME!!!!!

Prostitutes: KISAME!!!!!

Villagers: Look! A parade! * Joins*

Kisame: Yay!!!! * escapes to Jaraiya Headquarters*

~With Prostitutes~

Naruto: Let me through! You're getting in my way!!!

Pervert: Not until you let me grope you.

Neji: Stupid... retarded... people...

Pervert #2: Your long hair makes me fall to my knees.

Neji: -_-

Kiba: KISAMEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Village floods*

* Miko, Sasuke, and the Itachis escape to Jaraiya headquarters*

~With Kakashi~

Kakashi: I like this video game because it involves killing infinite Itachis, and it's very entertaining!!!

Gai: You should eat, Kakashi, you've been hooked to this game for 12 hours.

Kakashi: NO!!! I'm on level 2,000 and you're not stopping me!!!

Gai: Fine... hey Asuma, is the Sasuke and Itachi special on yet? I can't wait to see Lee as well.

Asuma: This is a Shikamaru stripping special marathon!!! You should wait until tomorrow night.

Gai: Dammit all.

Kurenai: Maybe I should just go now...

Kakashi: Anko is coming over tomorrow, and you'll be treating her like a guest while we have fun!!

Kurenai: Yes your anti-Itachiness.

~ Backstage~

Miko: My fingers hurt!!!

Itachi: My eyes are swollen from crying...

P. Itachi: WAH!!!!!!! Kisame!!!! * Still crying*

Kisame: I'm actually alive and well.

Sasuke: Shut up, moron!!!

P. Itachi: I thought I heard Kisame.

Sasuke: No... it's just your fellow prostitutes saying that they're alive and well.

P. Itachi: I hate you! You're even worse than Prostitute Sasuke! * Continues weeping*

Sasuke: Read and Review!!! =^_^=