Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Lessons In Maturity ❯ Diaper pt2 ( Chapter 5 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: Project 0506 
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 07.30.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.7K | Visits: 2.2K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 07.30.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.7K | Visits: 2.2K | Status: Completed
A/n: Thanks everybody! You're really nice. *hands out cookies* Okay, here's the deal, I'm pretty much going to work on Lessons in Maturity, Her Own Little Word and the second chapter of ADDetective. If I find time (and motivation) I'll finish the rough draft of chapter two of Bonding (it's going to be a series of oneshots). The problem is, when I concentrate on just one story, fans of the others start feeling left out. So I'll try to keep them all about even...hopefully. Incidentally, Mission Implausible is on hold until I finish the others. Okay, on to Poopy 2!
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"Are you ready?"
Tenten nodded. Absently she brushed away a bead of sweat that threaded down her face. "One shot. No second turns, no chakra."
"Fine." Neji slid his right leg back for a better standing. His muscles tensed as he faced his opponent. This was it. This would determine everything. His fingers curled into a fist.
Tenten hated being away from all her kunai. Not that they would do her any good in this battle, but the cold of metal brushing against her skin was comforting. Silently she measured the distance between them, noting that she was at a distinct disadvantage. At this distance he could easily read her moves, even without his famous Byakugan. She met his eyes, terrified of looking away lest by some involuntary movement she betray her strategy. "Alright, let's go." She put most of her weight on one leg for better traction. "Jan!"
"Ken!" He yelled in response.
"Pon!" They uttered together. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, bracing herself for whatever horror was to come. At the silence, she slowly started opening her eyes. Her mouth fell open in shock and she jumped into the air screeching.
"ROCK! Rock beats scissors! I won!" The Hyuuga's shoulders visibly sank. She beamed brightly. "Diapers, wipes and baby powder are on the bathroom counter. Toss out the messy diaper when you're done."
"Tenten?"
"Absolutely not. I won fair and square on the fourth tie breaker. You get the diaper. Have fun." With that Tenten set about cleaning the disaster zone that was their house for two weeks.
On the north side hung the dart board that had originally been the deciding factor. Tenten had won easily, of course. Since it really wasn't fair, they drew straws. Neji won that, after which Tenten demanded a tie breaker. The coin they had tossed still sat precariously on its edge, neither heads nor tails. It in itself was a living testament to Murpy's law. A little bit of chakra was enough to fix the dice, and poker didn't work because Neji could see through the cards. Finally, the ever faithful Janken was called in to decide. And Tenten won. You see, she had a theory. Lee put all his energy into everything he did. He trained with all his might, and he ate everything he could keep down without choking or heaving. So the Tenten Theory states: if it goes in one end, it'll come out the other. And a heck of a lot went in.
Neji stood for several minutes, stare moving between the wailing Lee-chan, and Tenten. HE had a theory too. And Hyuuga Neji theory said, if a baby cries long enough, the woman will do the work. Today he was about to witness his theory in action.
"Neji, if you leave Lee for much longer he'll get sick."
"..."
"Do you know what I do to unsupportive fathers?"
"No."
"I have Gai-sensei make them wear green spandex and bowl-hair. Then I force them to eat nothing but celery boiled in vinegar."
"One: You would not be able to pull any of those off. Two: a ninja must be able to bear hardships without complaining."
Sighing, Tenten dropped the broom and turned to face him. "Hyuuga Neji, can you cook?"
"...no. You know that."
"Correct. That means, if you want to eat, I have to cook. Oh, don't worry, I'll be cooking every meal...but I have to point out that I already knew that you would try to get out of this. So I took advantage of your inability to cook."
His eyes narrowed. "What did you do?"
"I don't know. I just grabbed one, I'm not sure which one went in." She held up two boxes. One read: 'Extra-strength Laxatives for the shinobi who's NOT on the go'. The other simply said 'Goat weed'.
"..."
"Oh, don't mind the goat weed. It's the herbal solution to erectile dysfunction. Just report to the hospital if you have an erection lasting more than twelve hours. Of course, if you want, I know where the antidote is..."
"Fine." Defeated, Neji pick up the soggy toddler and headed to the bathroom.
"Second shelf, third from the right!"
While Neji downed the entire bottle of Cod liver oil, Tenten released the genjutsu on her two boxes of laundry detergent. "I should probably make something nice for dinner to make up for this..." She listen to him gag for a moment through the door. "Then again, maybe I won't. Serves him right."
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"You're pretty good at this. Bet you had to change some of your cousins' diapers."
"Hn." He handed a dry and surprisingly clean Lee-chan to Tenten. "I'm going to take a shower." He disappeared back into the bathroom and locked the door. Seconds later Tenten could hear a full blast shower going.
"Poor guy, bet he's traumatized." Tenten chuckled and finished the last of her drink. Just seconds later she felt the powerful tug of Nature's call. "What the..." She sniffed her cup and eyes widened in terror.
"Hyuuga Neji!!!"
Neji smirked from the shower as his teammate pounded on the bathroom door. Sweet revenge...
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"Tenten-san?"
"Kiba-san, please, I reeeeeaaally need to use your bathroom..." The Inuzuka looked with more than a little puzzlement at the bouncing, desperate weapons mistress.
"Um, sure I guess. Go ahead."
"Thankyouthankyouthankyou." She raced past him and into the bathroom. A few minutes later and out came a (shall we say) less...uptight Tenten. "Hey Hinata-san, why is Kiba sitting outside?"
"H-his nose a-and the diaper w-well..." Shino was wrapped in a towel, the soiled disposable diaper tied up in a bag on the floor.
"Ah.." Tenten nodded with understanding. "One more question, what exactly are you doing?"
"Um... I'I'm n-not exactly s-sure..." She leapt off the kitchen table, arms outstretched, reaching for a diaper that seemed glued to the ceiling. Her fingers barely brushed the edges and as she was about to grab a hold of it, the thing moved. Not far. Just enough to be out of the girl's reach.
"You mean to tell me that Shino's kikai are playing Keep Away with his diaper?"
"A-apparently..." Another leap. Another close call. Another move by the kikai hidden in the diaper.
"How long has this been going on?"
"About a-an hour. All th-the other diapers w-went out the w-window before I managed t-to shut it."
Tenten pulled out a dozen kunai. "We'll catch that thing."
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"Hinata-chan? Are you done yet? AAAHHHH!" Kiba ducked at the last minute and narrowly avoided being impaled by a cloud of kunai.
"Heads up!" Out the open door flew a diaper, Tenten and Hinata hot on its tail. "Don't let it get away! I'm not going to be beaten by a hoard of bugs!" All along the floor, curious heads popped out of doorways to see what was going on. Tenten aimed shuriken, kunai and senbon at the thing, but the chakra bugs managed to dodge each weapon.
"Hey, what's going on!?" Naruto pulled open his door. Out of the corner of her eye, Tenten could see inside of the house behind him, and a gaping hole in the wall caught her attention. She didn't want to know how it got there, fact of the matter was, it was there. The kikai seemed to notice it too. They made a bee-line (pun intended) for freedom.
"Hinata! Cut them off!" The Hyuuga heiress nodded and gathered chakra to her feet, pushing herself in front of Naruto and the open door. She aimed at the oncoming bugs and pressed down...
...smothering the kikai in a cloud of air freshener. Momentarily blinded, the kikai wavered. It was just enough time for Tenten to hurl another round of kunai. This time, one hit, lodging the diaper firmly in the door above Naruto's head.
The bugs struggled, but couldn't remove it. They opted instead to fly for their lives, leaving their prize behind. Hinata furiously sprayed at them until she was sure they were all gone.
"Wha...?" Naruto stared, for once in his life, speechless.
Hinata blushed. "I-I...c-couldn't find b-bug s-spray..."
"Alright people!" Kiba marched down the hall, shoving people back into their apartments ans slamming the doors. "Nothing to see here. Just two crazy ladies and a runaway diaper. Show's over. Move it!" Tenten pulled the diaper out of the door frame.
"Here you go Hinata-san."
"Th-thank you." Tenten shrugged.
"Anytime." She headed back to her apartment. "Well, things definitely won't be boring..."
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"Are you ready?"
Tenten nodded. Absently she brushed away a bead of sweat that threaded down her face. "One shot. No second turns, no chakra."
"Fine." Neji slid his right leg back for a better standing. His muscles tensed as he faced his opponent. This was it. This would determine everything. His fingers curled into a fist.
Tenten hated being away from all her kunai. Not that they would do her any good in this battle, but the cold of metal brushing against her skin was comforting. Silently she measured the distance between them, noting that she was at a distinct disadvantage. At this distance he could easily read her moves, even without his famous Byakugan. She met his eyes, terrified of looking away lest by some involuntary movement she betray her strategy. "Alright, let's go." She put most of her weight on one leg for better traction. "Jan!"
"Ken!" He yelled in response.
"Pon!" They uttered together. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, bracing herself for whatever horror was to come. At the silence, she slowly started opening her eyes. Her mouth fell open in shock and she jumped into the air screeching.
"ROCK! Rock beats scissors! I won!" The Hyuuga's shoulders visibly sank. She beamed brightly. "Diapers, wipes and baby powder are on the bathroom counter. Toss out the messy diaper when you're done."
"Tenten?"
"Absolutely not. I won fair and square on the fourth tie breaker. You get the diaper. Have fun." With that Tenten set about cleaning the disaster zone that was their house for two weeks.
On the north side hung the dart board that had originally been the deciding factor. Tenten had won easily, of course. Since it really wasn't fair, they drew straws. Neji won that, after which Tenten demanded a tie breaker. The coin they had tossed still sat precariously on its edge, neither heads nor tails. It in itself was a living testament to Murpy's law. A little bit of chakra was enough to fix the dice, and poker didn't work because Neji could see through the cards. Finally, the ever faithful Janken was called in to decide. And Tenten won. You see, she had a theory. Lee put all his energy into everything he did. He trained with all his might, and he ate everything he could keep down without choking or heaving. So the Tenten Theory states: if it goes in one end, it'll come out the other. And a heck of a lot went in.
Neji stood for several minutes, stare moving between the wailing Lee-chan, and Tenten. HE had a theory too. And Hyuuga Neji theory said, if a baby cries long enough, the woman will do the work. Today he was about to witness his theory in action.
"Neji, if you leave Lee for much longer he'll get sick."
"..."
"Do you know what I do to unsupportive fathers?"
"No."
"I have Gai-sensei make them wear green spandex and bowl-hair. Then I force them to eat nothing but celery boiled in vinegar."
"One: You would not be able to pull any of those off. Two: a ninja must be able to bear hardships without complaining."
Sighing, Tenten dropped the broom and turned to face him. "Hyuuga Neji, can you cook?"
"...no. You know that."
"Correct. That means, if you want to eat, I have to cook. Oh, don't worry, I'll be cooking every meal...but I have to point out that I already knew that you would try to get out of this. So I took advantage of your inability to cook."
His eyes narrowed. "What did you do?"
"I don't know. I just grabbed one, I'm not sure which one went in." She held up two boxes. One read: 'Extra-strength Laxatives for the shinobi who's NOT on the go'. The other simply said 'Goat weed'.
"..."
"Oh, don't mind the goat weed. It's the herbal solution to erectile dysfunction. Just report to the hospital if you have an erection lasting more than twelve hours. Of course, if you want, I know where the antidote is..."
"Fine." Defeated, Neji pick up the soggy toddler and headed to the bathroom.
"Second shelf, third from the right!"
While Neji downed the entire bottle of Cod liver oil, Tenten released the genjutsu on her two boxes of laundry detergent. "I should probably make something nice for dinner to make up for this..." She listen to him gag for a moment through the door. "Then again, maybe I won't. Serves him right."
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"You're pretty good at this. Bet you had to change some of your cousins' diapers."
"Hn." He handed a dry and surprisingly clean Lee-chan to Tenten. "I'm going to take a shower." He disappeared back into the bathroom and locked the door. Seconds later Tenten could hear a full blast shower going.
"Poor guy, bet he's traumatized." Tenten chuckled and finished the last of her drink. Just seconds later she felt the powerful tug of Nature's call. "What the..." She sniffed her cup and eyes widened in terror.
"Hyuuga Neji!!!"
Neji smirked from the shower as his teammate pounded on the bathroom door. Sweet revenge...
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"Tenten-san?"
"Kiba-san, please, I reeeeeaaally need to use your bathroom..." The Inuzuka looked with more than a little puzzlement at the bouncing, desperate weapons mistress.
"Um, sure I guess. Go ahead."
"Thankyouthankyouthankyou." She raced past him and into the bathroom. A few minutes later and out came a (shall we say) less...uptight Tenten. "Hey Hinata-san, why is Kiba sitting outside?"
"H-his nose a-and the diaper w-well..." Shino was wrapped in a towel, the soiled disposable diaper tied up in a bag on the floor.
"Ah.." Tenten nodded with understanding. "One more question, what exactly are you doing?"
"Um... I'I'm n-not exactly s-sure..." She leapt off the kitchen table, arms outstretched, reaching for a diaper that seemed glued to the ceiling. Her fingers barely brushed the edges and as she was about to grab a hold of it, the thing moved. Not far. Just enough to be out of the girl's reach.
"You mean to tell me that Shino's kikai are playing Keep Away with his diaper?"
"A-apparently..." Another leap. Another close call. Another move by the kikai hidden in the diaper.
"How long has this been going on?"
"About a-an hour. All th-the other diapers w-went out the w-window before I managed t-to shut it."
Tenten pulled out a dozen kunai. "We'll catch that thing."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Hinata-chan? Are you done yet? AAAHHHH!" Kiba ducked at the last minute and narrowly avoided being impaled by a cloud of kunai.
"Heads up!" Out the open door flew a diaper, Tenten and Hinata hot on its tail. "Don't let it get away! I'm not going to be beaten by a hoard of bugs!" All along the floor, curious heads popped out of doorways to see what was going on. Tenten aimed shuriken, kunai and senbon at the thing, but the chakra bugs managed to dodge each weapon.
"Hey, what's going on!?" Naruto pulled open his door. Out of the corner of her eye, Tenten could see inside of the house behind him, and a gaping hole in the wall caught her attention. She didn't want to know how it got there, fact of the matter was, it was there. The kikai seemed to notice it too. They made a bee-line (pun intended) for freedom.
"Hinata! Cut them off!" The Hyuuga heiress nodded and gathered chakra to her feet, pushing herself in front of Naruto and the open door. She aimed at the oncoming bugs and pressed down...
...smothering the kikai in a cloud of air freshener. Momentarily blinded, the kikai wavered. It was just enough time for Tenten to hurl another round of kunai. This time, one hit, lodging the diaper firmly in the door above Naruto's head.
The bugs struggled, but couldn't remove it. They opted instead to fly for their lives, leaving their prize behind. Hinata furiously sprayed at them until she was sure they were all gone.
"Wha...?" Naruto stared, for once in his life, speechless.
Hinata blushed. "I-I...c-couldn't find b-bug s-spray..."
"Alright people!" Kiba marched down the hall, shoving people back into their apartments ans slamming the doors. "Nothing to see here. Just two crazy ladies and a runaway diaper. Show's over. Move it!" Tenten pulled the diaper out of the door frame.
"Here you go Hinata-san."
"Th-thank you." Tenten shrugged.
"Anytime." She headed back to her apartment. "Well, things definitely won't be boring..."