Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Sassychan ❯ Chapter 20: When Sakura finds out part 2 ( Chapter 20 )

Author's Notes:

 

I have been talking to myself a lot recently. I don't know if it's because I was so used to what I do in my old job (I was a technical support representative), yakking all day to old people, young people, receiving irate calls, what not, that I just couldn't help but to spontaneously just start talking to myself about something. Yeah, I know what you are thinking: that's not healthy. I think so too! I mean even writing stories do not get it out of my system. Ohhh boyyyy….anyways…hope you like this chapter. I have quite a few surprises in store for you guys. I would like to know your opinion if you would like to have 4 sequels on `when Sakura finds out' or just 3….tell me k? thanks.

 

Umm, one more thing, I know I have promised to put this up like three or four days ago…I really had finished it at that time just that I was really not in the mood typing. My fingers hurt from typing all day at my job..so...anyways…

 

DISCLAIMER:

I ran our of ideas of how to patent Naruto so I called my friends who work on the underground society that fakes this kind of stuff. I gotta tell you, they cost LOTS. Anyways, I do not own Naruto. Now. Maybe later.

 

Sassychan

By Boyarina

 

Chapter 20: When Sakura finds out part 2

(Plus a `Eureka!' for Shika and The Appearance of the Missing Nin)

 

“Your first report Shikamaru?”

 

He nodded solemnly at the Hokage. He has very serious news that he desperately need to impart to her today.

 

“It appears like we have an impostor in our midst, Godaime,” he said in a voice that could be likened to that of the Grim Reaper announcing a person's imminent death.

 

Tsunade-sama's eyebrows rose at this. “Are you pertaining to Uchiha?”

 

“Hai. I have proof that he is not Uchiha Sasuke.” He stuck his hand into his vest pocket and pulled out a glossy paper. He flipped the picture and showed the Hokage the image he cleverly captured on film.

 

Tsunade-sama's brows nearly went past her hairline as she took a closer look at the picture. “He is eating chocolate muffins,” she commented dryly, making Shikamaru fidget a little. A moment passed and to his satisfaction, the Hokage's eyes widened in alarm.

 

There is hope for Konoha after all!

 

Tsunade-sama snatched the picture from his fingers, and scanned it for the second time; turning it clockwise, then counter-clockwise, as if she could not believe the image before her.

 

“Sasuke is eating chocolates!” she gasped. Shooting her arms out, she latched onto his vest and yanked him close to her. They are practically nose to nose by now with her breathing down on his, looking like the scaly-underground dragons he read in mythology books.

 

“Where have you last seen Uchiha?” she demanded, eyes still wide as saucers, fairly frothing in the mouth.

 

“With Sakura,” he rasped, feeling the wind getting knocked out of him for the second time she had yanked him.

 

“We've got to warn her!” The urgency in her tone had not lessened one bit as she released him, looking at this precisely this instant like a deranged person. Gone was the scary dragon, replaced by this mad persona, she went through her drawers—opening each one and upending its contents on her desk.

 

“We need to warn Sakura, indeed, Hokage-sama for she is now alone with the Uchiha impostor,” he seconded matter-of-factly trying to restore the level of sanity they have started out with.

 

The disheveled Hokage momentarily stopped in her frenzied search to stare at him. “What! No!” she said vehemently. Then, she paused, appearing to have been taken aback by what she said. In a heartbeat, she slapped the frown back to her face and resumed. “I mean, yes! I—“ She halted once again, and scowled all the more. She appeared to be intently re-evaluating her answers.

 

“Godaime-sama?” he prompted, feeling very perplexed by her reaction.

 

“We've got to warn Sasuke!” she finally burst out. Suddenly her eyes slid to the side; apparently an object scattered amongst all the other unidentified objects on her table caught her eye. She hastily picked it up, swiped a brown bag under her table ad dropped the object inside it. She shoved the now folded brown bag against his chest.

 

“Give this to Sasuke,” she ordered in clipped-thou-may-not-disobey-me tones.

 

“How?” Shikamaru frowned. Did she not understand what he reported to her earlier? Uchiha Sasuke is not in the village!

 

The Hokage glowered at him. “Do you not know who Uchiha Sasuke is, Nara Shikamaru?” Tsunade-sama, the once once again beyond, way beyond scary Hokage snarled.

 

T-troublesome.

 

“Go to where Sakura is and if you see a dark-haired, pasty-skinned nin with an Uchiha symbol on the back, give this to that person. Clear?” She narrowed her eyes and bared her teeth at him. “Go now before I make you bald, Nara.”

 

Like any sensible man in his position would do, Nara Shikamaru fled.

 

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

 

Naruto doesn't know who this man from nowhere, appearing like an unwanted zit, is. He claimed to be part of SHIT (Shinobi Health Investigation Team) and is now asking him questions regarding his physical well being and previous `medical conditions', plus other absurd questions.

 

“You know,” Naruto interjected before the man spouted out another one of his ridiculous questions, “I've never heard of SHIT before.”

 

The man blinked at him and tilted his head in askance. “Are you trying to evade the survey, Uzumaki-san?” He rapped his pen sharply on the clipboard he is holding. “Are you hiding some mysterious disease there?”

 

“What? No!” Naruto snapped, feeling a little defensive. He waved his hand towards the man's clipboard. “Could we just get this over with?”

 

The man grunted and gave him a look that said: `Who do you think is dallying?'

 

“Anyways,” the man said, trying to get back on track, “where you obese as a child?”

 

Naruto snorted. “Fit as a fiddle since the day I shot out of my mother's womb.”

 

The man glared at him sternly over his clipboard. “This is not a joke, Uzumaki-san.”

 

“I was a little chubby, okay?!” Naruto fired back, his face twisting into a grimace.

 

The man simply ignored his theatrics. Face bland, he continued. “Hmm. Do you have a certain food fetish?”

 

“Um,” Naruto bit his lip and crossed his fingers at his back, “none.”

 

The man clucked his tongue and shook his head a little. “Your nose is getting a little longer Uzumaki-san. Try not to let the tip of that reach the Hokage tower, will you?” Readjusting his grip on his pen, the man went back and started writing again on the clipboard. “Rrrraaammmmeeennn. Are you feeling a little hot nowadays?”

 

Holding onto his precious nose just to make sure the mean man is merely attempting to scare him, Naruto tried to collect his wits about him and reoriented himself to the rapid change of topics.

 

“Wait. What?”

The man frowned at him, obviously displeased because he is not listening attentively. “Are you feeling hot under the collar? Getting a collective feeling of body heat in one portion of your body? Neck, face, midsection?”

 

Returning the favor, the Naruto gave the man one of his trademark glares. “No.” he answered in clipped tones.

 

The man contemplated his answer, appearing as though he doesn't want to believe him.

 

“Are we done yet?” Naruto asked for the umpteenth time since they have started.

 

Harrumphing, the man noted something down on his clipboard. “Just about. Are you in a hurry?”

 

Naruto ground his teeth together, feeling the need to punch this guy's lights out.

 

“Yes,” he answered impatiently.

 

The man raised one overly stylized eyebrow. “Oh, really? Where?”

 

Nowhere, thought Naruto. Out aloud he said, “Somewhere important. Could you just ask what it is so we could get on with our lives?”

 

“Have you….” The man trailed off as he began tapping on the clipboards, vexing Naruto purposely.

 

Argh!

 

“Have you…..Hmmmmm…..” the man spaced out, then began chewing on the bottom of his pen.

 

“Would you just spit it out?!” Naruto roared. He was just about to wring the man's neck when the SHIT representative gave out an exaggerated sigh and rolled his eyes dramatically.

 

“You got to control that temper of yours, Uzumaki-san,” the man admonished, doing an uncanny imitation of an old lady's `tut-tut'. Appearing completely immersed with what he had to ask next, he went through the contents of the page he is on his clipboard, and then flipped on to the next one. “Ah! Here it is!”

 

Finally!

 

“Have you ever had a hard-on when Sasuke's around?”

 

Without thinking twice about his answer, Naruto barked out his reply: “Yes!”

 

Moments later, he heard the reign of the crickets' orchestra as he stared on ahead, completely aghast with what he just said. Unfortunately, realization hit him like a ton of bricks a second too late as the man jotted down his response.

 

“Okay! That's it!” the man happily exclaimed.

 

Eyes bulging out, Naruto nearly swallowed his own tongue as he tried to recall the man who, in the blink of the eye, had leapt onto the nearest rooftop and onto the next one, rapidly becoming a disappearing dot in the horizon.

 

“MAAAATTTTEEEE!” Naruto finally managed to yell out, but to no avail.

 

That man from nowhere, appearing like an unwanted zit, whose name he had yet to obtain, is gone.

 

Gone. Bearing with him the secret Naruto had promised to keep ONLY to himself. Oh holy piece of SHIT that man truly is.

 

88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888

 

The one thing that Sasuke is happy about is the fact that the guy who said “revenge is sweet' is dead. Sasuke hoped that that person's ass is cheerily being roasted by the devil himself because there is not a smidgen of truth whatsoever in the statement “revenge is sweet”.

 

That guys is dead wrong (get it? Dead-Wrong? If not, let's move on, shall we?) Revenge had been EVERYTHING (a big mistake, brutal, mind-muddling, stupid, wretched…) but sweet to Sasuke. There are two undeniable proofs of that.

 

The first time Sasuke had sought revenge, Sasuke ended up in Orochimaru's clutches, slowly transforming into a female. Sasuke had gone out to get revenge for the Uchiha clan, however, the curse and a set of ovaries is what had caught up with Sasuke instead.

 

Okay, you must be reeling by the immense usage of the name Sasuke by now. The thing is, Sasuke is not going to refer to Sasuke by the pronoun he, she, or it. Why, you ask? This is simply because this morning, when Sasuke had checked Sasuke's body the appendage that never failed to make the perfunctory announcement of its presence had suddenly gone AWOL. When Sasuke had changed into a female yestereve and up until today, the link—the ONLY link—that had remained that proved his kinship with the male species had vanished and from where things are looking now, it doesn't seem like it's going to make its appearance, ANYMORE. (Goodbye boners! Goodbye hard-ons! Goodbye woods!)

 

Sasuke is ALL MALE—pectorals, biceps, triceps, you name it—everything had been branded with the XY chromosome on it, except for one vital thing: Sasuke-JR. Or should we say, the now missing in action Sasuke-JR? To tell you the truth, this is far more perplexing, far more hilarious (NOT!) than the time Sasuke had breasts at the same time Sasuke had Sasuke-JR!

 

Therefore, Sasuke is going to call Sasuke, Sasuke. Is it confusing? Don't worry. You are not the only one. Sasuke is getting confused by all of this too. Once in a while, you might encounter little inserts of Uchiha, this bakayarou, this ahou, this Uchiha-baka, this Sasuke-ahou, or any number of these combinations, but it would just all come down to the fact Sasuke is just simply going to be referred to as Sasuke.

 

Pronouns, you are OUT!

 

Ahem. Getting back on track, Sasuke proved to Sasuke once again that revenge is but one dumb person's folly (Sasuke in particular) by agreeing with to spar with Haruno Sakura. How is that? Well, for one, she keeps on breathing into Sasuke's ear (whenever she gets the chance to) what she thought of Sasuke's reason for returning back to Konoha and giving Sasuke hints on how Sasuke would go about accomplishing it.

 

 

Preview #1

 

Sakura flipped into the air, managing to get herself overhead and digging her fingers onto Sasuke's shoulder, to presumably, hurl Sasuke into the next generation (she could try, but we all know Sasuke is to agile for her to accomplish that). While she is air-borne, and as Sasuke danced away from her, Sasuke heard her say, “We all need to have our own family someday, Sasuke-kun.”

 

Preview# 2

 

“Wouldn't it be nice if you a get a kid of your own,” she grunted as she swiped a kunai sneakily from the ground below him, and nearly planted it on Sasuke's shoulder blades, “that would call you daddy?”

 

Preview#3

 

As Sakura grabbed a hold of Sasuke's thighs, grabbing them in a position that is far too near to Sasuke's crotch for comfort, in order for her to body-slam Sasuke to the ground, she said, “As part of team 7, we would always be supportive of you. Especially me. I'll always be HERE.” Before Sasuke could twist Sasuke's body to get out of her grip, Sasuke had been unfortunate enough to get a dose of Sakura's version of `seductive eyes.' Not only that, much to Sasuke's horror, her eyes slid down and began on the attempt to bore a hole through the covering of Sasuke's private organ.

 

Boy, would she be surprised to discover that the thing there is not much different from her own.

 

Anyways, we could go on all day giving previews of the things Sakura had done to scar Sasuke for life, but the point is, Sasuke had gone out to seek revenge and vent Sasuke's frustration on the fact that Naruto sits on Sakura every time they spar, however, Sasuke ended up being molested instead (and that's saying it mildly). Sakura kept up with her seductive play the whole time: she kept pinning herself to Sasuke's body, her hand always goes dangerously close to Sasuke's private part and lastly, she kept staring DOWN THERE hoping for—I dunno—twitchings of life?!

 

And Sasuke doesn't even remember now why Sasuke wanted to get revenge and vent Sasuke's frustration on the fact that Naruto sits on Sakura during their sparring session in the first place!!!!

 

Oh Gods, Sasuke is getting a headache for saying the name Sasuke too many times in one single sentence. Not to mention the fact that Sasuke's logic is pounding on Sasuke's brain ever since Sasuke had succumbed into this irrational reason of getting even with Sakura.

 

As you could very well deduce from the events stated previously, Sasuke's idea of getting something avenged is back firing on Sasuke. Sasuke had initially planned on humiliating Sakura by snipping her clothes of bit by bit, until she would end up trudging home in her underwear. Sasuke thought the plot of this evil scheme had been without holes; even devising it in such away that Sakura would be forced to trudge home alone as Sasuke would make sure that Sasuke would be gone by the time she barely have anything on.

 

However, there had been one major flaw in Sasuke's plan that Sasuke had not anticipated on. Sakura actually liked the fact that she is slowly being stripped off her garments. She had, apparently, interpreted Sasuke's intentions to be of a kinky nature, (influenced none other than by Kakashi, no doubt) hence, she had deemed to return the favor and bombarded Sasuke with a number of not so (SO NOT!) virginal advances.

 

More so, Sasuke is beginning to find Sasuke's most hated weapon in Sakura's senbon needles. Not only are the pointed little monsters sneaky, they are actually happily helping Sakura in undressing Sasuke as an unwanted contribution to Sasuke's plan. Sasuke had only been grazed thrice, but the precision by which they cut through the waistband of Sasuke's lower garment made Sasuke redouble the efforts in evading the pesky little devils, lest Sasuke wanted to end up with nothing but Sasuke's boxers on.

 

“Nara Shikamaru, you imbecile! Didn't I tell you to bring that to Uchiha?” Tsunade-sama's voice roared from a place that is undeniably not too far away from their training ground.

 

The attack that they were about to deliver to each other came to a screeching halt as Shikamaru's answering yelp rang in their ears.

 

“B-but...Tsunade-sama, where?!”

 

Bewildered by the sudden intrusion of the uninvited personas, Sakura tilted her head in askance. Not saying a word, she went to Sasuke's side and together they waited for the two to make their appearance in the clearing.

 

“There's Sasuke!” the Hokage hollered, flecks of spit coming out of her mouth as she shoved the more than frazzled Shikamaru forward so he could get a better look at both Sasuke and Sakura.

 

“Really! Don't you know who Uchiha is Nara? Who the hell were you watching when I told you to watch Uchiha, huh?!” Tsunade-baasan heaved an aggravated sigh. Slapping a package on Shikamaru's chest, she continued, “Anyways, now that we are here; now that I have refreshed your mind who Uchiha is, go and do your job!”

 

Face scrunched up in an unnamed emotion, Shikamaru twisted his head to where Tsunade-sama is standing and said in a dismayed voice, “Can't you see Sakura's clothes are ripped off, Tsunade-sama? Sasuke would not have done that! Sasuke would have….” His voice suddenly trailed off, which actually worked for the best of Shikamaru, considering that, in Sasuke's opinion, nothing good would have come out of that mouth.

 

Beside Sasuke, Sakura who had already been standing on her toes waiting for Shikamaru to continue on with what he was saying, perked up even more when Shikamaru snapped his attention back to them.

 

“Her,” Shikamaru breathed out in wonder, not making any sense at all. Not even missing a beat from his mindless blather, he proceeded on asking, “Are you two having a catfight?”

 

Cat…. Fight….?

 

After realizing what Shikamaru is getting at, Sasuke did a nearly indiscernible double-take. With eyes wide as saucers, Sasuke stared in outraged shock at the Hokage who could not keep her mouth shut.

 

The said blabber mouth Hokage crossed her arms and pouted. “I didn't do anything.” She tossed out defensively. Sasuke would have endeavored to widen Sasuke's eyes even more, had not an interruption occurred.

 

Sakura, being the person who doesn't want to be left out of anything, strode to the center. She held her two hands up, palms out.

 

“Would someone please explain to me what's going on?” She placed her hands o her hips as her eyes zeroed in on Shikamaru. “What do you mean catfight? That's a term for squabbling girls, do you know that?” She paused, her face creasing into an expression that is best described as miffed beyond words. “Don't you dare call Sasuke a girl!”

 

Shikamaru would have certainly retaliated something to that if the blabber mouth Hokage had not slapped a hand to over almost half of Nara's entire face.

 

“Oh! Look at the time!” Tsunade-sama (a.k.a the blabber mouth Hokage) announced dismissively. She wrenched the package she had given Shikamaru earlier from his fingers. Then, she marched up to Sasuke (with a curious Sakura marching right behind her), took the precedence of holding Sasuke's out and shoved the package into that awaiting palm.

 

“It might get bloody and gory soon.” She said in this cheerful tone that would have sounded better if she had exclaimed “happy birthday!” or “merry Christmas!” or “happy Halloween!” instead.

 

Wincing at how wrong her statement sounded, Sasuke glanced down at the package and wondered what could be in it. But then, the moment passed, and with its going, the dawning of what the Hokage said came. Horror replaced Sasuke's wince, which unbelievably brought a wide grin on Tsunade-baasan's lips.

 

She, the blabber mouth Hokage, would be the only person who would find these kind of situations a good source of entertainment—this Sasuke could guarantee.

 

The Godaime turned to Sakura who was just about (predictably) to spout an inquiry to these turn of events, and obviously anticipating what the girl would do, she quickly intervened. She dramatically took hold of Sakura's shoulders and in a solemn tone (but not without the obvious smirk), she said, “Sasuke's going to need all your help.”

 

Tsunade-sama patted Sakura on one of her shoulders as Sasuke's teammate blinked at the Godaime in utter clueless-ness, her query lost in the sea of million other things she would have wanted to ask. Tsunade-baasan, being the person who extremely disliked being help responsible for someone's life (or curse, for that matter), had executed a perfect about-face and made her exit before another statement/question arose from Sakura, passing Nara Shikamaru who, for all that he is worth, looks as if he wanted to shout, `eureka!' for discovering (or if Sasuke's real lucky, just having a faint idea of) the one thing Sasuke preferably had wanted no one to know about.

 

Times like these, (again, Sasuke doesn't need a Juicy), Sasuke would just have to question where the heck the decision of coming back to Konoha came from. The moment Sasuke stepped foot into this town, trouble never ceased to find its way to Sasuke's door.

 

Honestly, would this never end?