Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Two Brothers ❯ I Don't Want To Be The Sensei! ( Chapter 3 )

A.N.: Discounting the first chapter, which was a set-up chapter at any rate, I'm going to be going: Past, Present, Past, Present; with the past skipping around chaotically while the present proceeds smoothly. Starting off with Cell Seven's initial formation, as will be seen in this chapter. Poor, poor Kakashi…

I may, at some later date, go back and rearrange things more logically and fix continuity errors, but that will probably be when I finish this story. Also, it won't be strictly comedy (again as can be seen in the first chapter). There is plot present! Ever wonder what Itachi wanted Sasuke for? I'll leave you to ponder that question for, oh, a year or more?

Yes, I am evil and yes I apprentice under the Anit-Christ. He's my Okaa-san's cat after all. No, really! I'm serious, my mom's cat is the Anti-Christ; even my eighty pound dog is afraid of him! He lurks in the computer room and glares at me if I don't type what he wants me to type. He's s ca ry….

~*~*~

The door to the Hokage's office opened and in walked Kakashi, book in one hand, the other hand raised in apology.

 

“Sorry I'm late, I-“

 

“Had to help an old lady? Meandered down the path of life? Slept in because your alarm is broken? Got lost?” Iruka supplied coyly. Kakashi aimed his visible eye in a glare at his friend and teammate in one of the longest running missions on record: that of keeping Sasuke and Naruto under control. The Hokage had assigned them that task ever since the two had successfully apprehended the two brats for the second time together. Iruka grinned back, un-intimidated.

 

“All of the above actually.” The young Jounin laughed.

 

“Actually Kakashi,” Sandaime said, dragging the room's attention to him, “you're only five minutes late.” The Copy-Ninja blinked, “I gave you a time two hours earlier than the time I gave everyone else.”

 

Kakashi laughed again sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment as everyone else in the room shared the joke. In the room, one of the Hokage's council offices, were several Jounin who had been chosen to possibly lead a cell of young Genin fresh out of the academy. The only Chuunin present was Iruka, the teacher who had graduated the possible Genin.

 

Mizuki was supposed to be there as well, but the fresh wounds evident on Iruka gave proof to the rumor that the blonde Chuunin was a traitor who had tricked Naruto into stealing one of the Hokage's scrolls.

 

“Well Iruka-kun, if you could start please.” Sandaime said calmly.

 

Iruka nodded, “First of, Chouji will need to be paired up with Shikamaru. Chouji has low self-esteem, but Shikamaru has faith in him and encourages him. That said, they'll need a strong-willed Kunoichi, Sakura or Ino by preference, to boss them around.”

 

Iruka glanced around the table at the Jounins and the Hokage as they mulled over his suggestion. This was actually common practice for the sensei of the graduating class to suggest the three-man cells. Grades and ability were a strong consideration, but who would back and support whom was also a consideration.

 

Putting Chouji with Kiba, for instance, was a recipe for disaster. Kiba would chide and mock the Akimichi, which would either result in Chouji pummeling the Inuzuka, or in Chouji loosing all faith in his abilities. Neither result was desirable, but if grades were the only consideration than this partnering would be likely.

 

“Ino, I think would be best.” Hokage mulled aloud, “The fathers of those three made a good team, their abilities meshing nicely. It seems likely that it would happen again.” Sandaime lifted his eyes from the table to the Jounin around him. “Asuma, you're a practiced Sensei. If what Iruka-kun is alluding to is correct, then these three will probably need a sturdy hand to keep them motivated.”

 

“I'll do my best,” the chain-smoker said, fiddling discretely with his cigarette box. Iruka handed the profile sheets of the three over to their new sensei. He continued.

 

“My next major concern is Hinata.” The Academy sensei said, “Unlike Chouji, who has low self-esteem and self-confidence, Hinata has no self-esteem or self-confidence. She'll need a supporter/protector, big brother figure to look out for her. I also suggest a quieter, confidant figure to listen to her if she needs to whine, although I doubt she'd even think of whining. Still, knowing she has someone who would listen uncritically to her would give her a boost.”

 

“Whom do you suggest?” Sandaime asked. Iruka gnawed his lip while staring at the ceiling for a moment in thought.

 

“Shino would make a good confidant figure.” He said finally, “I've never heard him criticize anyone when it was clear that such an action would be harmful. In fact, the only times I've heard him criticize anyone is when Naruto and Kiba both needed goading. Also, both of those two would act well as the third member of the team. Both are brash and out-going, but both seem to think that Hinata needs protecting. I've witnessed those two acting in that capacity before, actually.”

 

Iruka stared at the Hokage seriously as the latter mulled over the suggestions. Pick Naruto, pick Naruto. Get him the hell away from Sasuke before those two drive someone mad; someone like me.

 

“Shino and Kiba will be paired with Hinata.” He said finally, ignoring or not noticing Iruka's discrete look of despair. “Kurenai, I'd like you to be the sensei. Having an accomplished Kunoichi as sensei will give Hinata another boost I think, proving to her that the `inferior sex' is no such thing.”

 

Kurenai bowed, “I shall not disappoint you.”

 

“Iruka-kun, if you could continue?”

 

Iruka did so, going down the rest of the list of new Genins, constantly suggesting Naruto or Sasuke for this or that team, but never the two together. Constantly the subtle suggestion was dismissed. Kakashi, who had been fairly relaxed earlier, was beginning to look distinctly distressed.

 

Everyone in the room knew that the Copy-Ninja was going to have to take on Sasuke as apprentice; there was no one else with the Sharingan to teach him to use it. But the mere thought of having to sensei not only the clever Sasuke, but the creative Naruto as well; that was simply terrifying. Iruka reached the end of the list.

 

“The only three left are: Sakura, Sasuke and #gulp# Naruto….” Iruka said, giving Sandaime a pained look. The only sensei left was Kakashi, who was very nearly in a state of panic now.

 

“Very well,” The Hokage said smugly, “Kakashi they're all-“ #whump!#. The Hokage suddenly found a desperately terrified Kakashi attached to his legs.

 

“I don't know what the hells I did, but I'll do anything!” He cried out, “Border patrol, menial guard duty, cleaning and supply shifts, a demotion, anything!!! Just don't make me teach those two!!!!”

 

“Ack! Get off of me!” the Hokage scolded as all the other Jounin stared in non-comprehension. “You're not being punished! Get off already!”

 

“Not being punished!?! Not being punished?!?” Kakashi shrieked, “The hell I'm not! Do you know what those two brats are really like?”

 

“Um, what's he talking about?” Asuma whispered at Iruka.

 

“Have you heard of the incident where the staff toilet of the Inshoku restaurant exploded?” Iruka whispered back as Kakashi continued to beg shamelessly for a reprieve.

 

“Yeah..?” Asuma replied warily.

 

“That was all Naruto and Sasuke.”

 

“Ooohhhh…” Asuma and two other Jounin who were listening in replied softly. The Hokage finally succeeded in kicking Kakashi off, who immediately crouched into a deep, formal bow.

 

“You can't do this to me! Please-!”

 

“Shut up a minute and listen!” Sandaime scolded. Kakashi looked up tearfully. “Look, why exactly were Shikamaru and Chouji teamed up?” The assembled group blinked.

 

“So that they could support and reassure each other of course.” Kurenai replied calmly, beginning to get irritated with Kakahi's behavior.

 

“Exactly,” Sandaime nodded, “Now, taking into consideration that not only are Naruto and Sasuke both orphans, but double-orphans (see both author notes), and that they are the only family either currently has, what do you think would happen to them if they were separated?”

 

The entire assembly blinked as the Hokage's meaning sunk in. When put into that light, the idea of forcing the two adopted brothers to go into separated teams that would then rarely see each other… That idea was cruel bordering on maliciously brutal.

 

Kakashi hung his head and groaned in defeat. “I feel so sorry for this Sakura…..”

~*~*~

Iruka waited beside the outer door of the Hokage Tower, watching the Jounin exit, chatting with each other and speculating on what their individual teams might be like. Last to exit was Kakashi, every line of his bearing screaming dejection, depression and dread.

 

The Chuunin clapped a hand on his comrade's shoulder, stifling a wince as the movement pulled at his wounds. “C'mon,” he said as the Copy-Ninja turned a dull eye on him, “it won't be that bad.”

 

“Wanna bet?” the Sharingan-bearing, non-Uchiha grated. Iruka winced; it was well known that betting with Kakashi was a fast track to loosing all your ready cash.

 

“Well, um, how about this then.” Iruka offered, “Would you want to inflict those two on someone who doesn't know what they're capable of?”

 

“If you asked me this yesterday, I would have said `no'.” Kakashi replied, “At the current moment in time, `hell yes', would be my answer.” Ugh, not just `yes' but `hell yes'? Poor man.

 

“At least you get to find out what it was like to be in my shoes, teaching these kids and others every single day.” Iruka growled softly.

 

“I'll thank you to remember that I gave you a full measure of pity whenever that subject came up.” Damn, he did, didn't he? Guess it's my turn.

 

“If I treat you for dinner, will that cheer you up?”

 

Kakashi straightened from his slump and eyed Iruka with a little more life and interest. “So long as it's a home-meal, I'm not feeling up to a crowd at the moment.” The Jounin knew full well that Iruka was a more-than-decent cook, what with all the practice he had in his youth, cooking for himself.

 

“Sure,” Iruka said casually, not thinking of anything other than the fact that Kakashi was going to need all the pick-me-ups he could get right now. Kakashi, however, was thinking something quite different as he followed Iruka to the Chuunin's house. He'd gotten to know his comrade quite well in the past few years. Whenever he was in Konoha between missions, he was working with Iruka trying to capture the Uzumaki and Uchiha brats.

 

Out of curiosity, he had checked the records. The mission of “Try and Keep Those Brats Under Control” was indeed the longest running mission to date. And it's about to go into overtime; Kakashi sulked. Oh well, he'd just fail them with the bell test tomorrow and that'd be the end to that. And I might get a pity-perk.

 

He eyed the man in front of him again. Kakashi had never been attracted to any of his female comrades, not because none of them were personable or pretty, he just wasn't interested. The young man who had offered to make him dinner however, he found very interesting.

 

Kakashi didn't believe in `love at first sight'. He still didn't; he had grown more and more fond of Iruka over the course of several years, culminating into his current infatuation. He was fairly certain that Iruka felt the same way. Yup, Kakashi thought as he caught the Chuunin casting a… curious glance over his shoulder, definite interest there. This might be a good day for me after all.

~*~*~

Naruto grinned and chuckled smugly as he adjusted his hitai-ite on his forehead. For the twentieth time in the last forty minutes that they had been waiting alone for their sensei.

 

“You're going to wear that thing out if you're not careful.” Sasuke drawled, amused. When Naruto hadn't passed the graduation test two days ago, he'd been terribly worried. Nothing the dark-eyed boy had said had brought any light back into Naruto's eyes, which had gone lightless with profound depression. Sasuke had understood entirely why Naruto was so depressed. Graduating was the first step in accomplishing his dream. More, it would have kept him apace with his best friend.

 

“I will not wear it out!” Naruto declared, sticking his lower lip out, “This hitai-ite is special, it's Iruka-sensei's!”

 

“So you've said,” Sasuke remarked, “every hour on the hour since yesterday.”

 

“So why don't you do us both a favor and shut up?!” Sakura snapped. The boys cast her a glance, Naruto's hurt, Sasuke's irritated. Naruto had developed a crush on the pretty, pink-haired girl over the last year, but Sakura stubbornly clung to her multi-year, unreciprocated crush on Sasuke.

 

Sasuke didn't know if he ever would have been able to return her feelings, but the double irritant of being hunted like a prime stag and of her cruelty towards Naruto caused him to be completely turned off to her. At this point, the only thing that would force him to date her would be a threat to Naruto if he didn't do so.

 

“Geez, how long is it going to take for our sensei to get here?!” Naruto groused loudly. He was starting to fidget; a bad sign. He had started fidgeting like this just before he had gone on the walk that had ended up with him stealing the secret scroll from the Hokage. When Sasuke had gotten that news… Better stop the baka now before he does something else that puts me into premature cardiac arrest.

 

Too late, Naruto bounced to his feet and made a bee-line for the chalkboard.

 

“What are you doing?” Sasuke asked in trepidation. He noticed that Sakura also looked anxious.

 

“Just this.” Naruto responded as he placed a stool near the door and balanced a chalkboard eraser over the just-open door. Sasuke groaned while Sakura stifled a giggle.

 

“Just in case anyone asks, I told you not to do this.” The Uchiha moaned.

 

“Ditto.” Sakura chirped. Naruto just grinned as he bounced over to his seat. He had a tendency to bounce. A lot.

 

“Our sensei deserves it for making us wait so long.” He declared

 

“Like a Jounin would be caught by such a juvenile trick.” Sasuke said. Just then the door eased open. The three new Genin turned to watch as the eraser hit Kakashi dead on. Naruto bust up laughing and his adopted brother joined in.

 

“Gods,” Sasuke laughed, “if I'd known it'd be him walking in first, I would have told you to get something heavier!” Kakashi's visible eye started twitching.

 

“Oh, I'm sorry sir, I told Naruto not to do that.” Sakura said in a believable distressed tone while inside, Inner Sakura was doing a victory dance of glee.

 

“I knew this was a mistake….” The Jounin growled under his breath.

 

“So anyway,” Naruto asked, getting his breath under control while Sasuke continued to snicker helplessly into his desk, “have you come to tell us why our sensei is late?”

 

“Do you know Naruto?” Sakura asked in a more polite tone, puzzled by the bo'ke's familiarity with a high-level Jounin.

 

“Oh, I know those two brats only too well.” Kakashi said in an exceedingly neutral tone. The `two brats' immediately snapped to attention, they knew that tone, while Sakura puzzled over the `two brats' statement. Naruto was a brat, obviously, but Sasuke? Surely not.

 

“Anyway, to answer your earlier question Naruto,” Kakashi continued, “no I'm not here to `explain why your sensei is late'. I am your sensei.”

 

“Heh, nice one Kakashi-san” Sasuke laughed. Kakashi arched his visible brow.

 

“Yeah, no way you'd be conned into being our sensei.” Naruto chimed in.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah, you can't be, right?” Sasuke said, starting to get nervous. If Kakashi was their sensei… that could be bad. A new sensei wouldn't be able to counter any of the pranks he and Naruto had planned. But Kakashi, he had dirt on the two of them. Sakura in the mean time was beginning to look slightly distressed as well as confused.

 

“And if I told you that I am indeed your new sensei, with papers included?”

 

“Then I'd say that that was one damned well prepared practical joke.” Naruto countered, a little desperately. He was as able to out two and two together as Sasuke in this situation. “It is a joke right?”

 

Kakashi just looked up at them, a little smug in revenge.

 

“Please let it be a practical joke.” Naruto begged. Kakashi smiled evilly.

 

“You know, I don't think he's joking.” Sasuke said nervously. Naruto looked over at him.

 

“Nervous caution or out-right panic?” the blonde asked enigmatically.

 

“Oh, out-right panic of course.” Sasuke replied.

 

“Run away!!” they cried out in unison, bolting for a top window, Kakashi right on their heels, clearly anticipating this.

(Ten minutes later)

 

“So young miss,” Kakashi asked genially, “why don't you tell me about yourself, name, likes, dislikes, dreams, hobbies, stuff like that?”

 

Sakura stared at him and sweat-dropped, trying to collect her thoughts. It was hard, she had just played witness to the most unlikely sight, that of that Naruto-bo'ke and her Sasuke-kun get chased around the classroom by her irate sensei. Her sensei no longer seemed irate, and Naruto and Sasuke were bound together and gagged, and had been flung onto the balcony the four of them were currently on by her sensei, who had seemed rather gleeful at that point.

 

“Ho-How about-t you st-start?” She stuttered, “After all, I only just met you.”

 

“Alright, fair enough,” Kakashi-sensei smiled, “My name is Hatake Kakashi, I like being away on missions so I don't have to clean up after- certain people-” he glared fiercely at the two boys, who renewed their struggle for freedom, “my other likes are none of your business. I dislike coming home after a hard mission, only to be rousted out of bed after another toilet explodes-” again he glared at the boys, although Naruto was chuckling through his gag this time.

 

Exploding toilets? Do I- No, I don't want to know, not now, not ever! “My other dislikes are again none of you business. My dreams… hmm. Moving along; my hobbies are reading and otherwise unimportant.” He finished with another smile, which was only detectable under the mask because he closed his eye when he did so. The only things I really learned were his name, that he likes reading and that he dislikes Sasuke-kun and Naruto-bo'ke. “And you?”

 

“Uh, me? Um….” She took a deep breath, “My name is Haruno Sakura, my likes… um, there's a certain person… My dream is-” She blushed and squealed. Thinking about her crush always brought her back to her usual self. “My dislike is- Naruto!” Naruto whimpered, Sasuke growled, but the noises were too muffled for Sakura to notice, although Kakashi did. “My hobbies are, um, flower arranging, shopping and studying I guess.”

 

“Very well, tomorrow I'd like you to-”

 

“Um, sir?” Sakura interrupted shyly, “What about them?” she pointed to the spot where the boys where lying. Sasuke was trying to push the ropes binding him up with his elbows while Naruto tried to help by bracing. It wasn't really working, but they paused and looked frantic when they felt Kakashi-sensei's glare on them.

 

“What about them?” The Jounin couldn't quite keep his smug satisfaction out of his voice.

 

“Shouldn't we, uh, let them tell us a little about themselves?”

 

“I already know more than I want to know about them, but I suppose you're right.” Kakashi sighed and walked over to the two bakas. They stared in a wide-eyed panic that confused Sakura a little. Kakashi-sensei had been assigned to the three of them by the Hokage himself, or so she had read. The Hokage wouldn't assign a bad person to be a teacher for some of the Genins, would he?

 

She began to have serious doubts when Kakashi-sensei pulled out a kunai and began chuckling evilly as he crouched over the two boys. She also began to question her own knowledge of the world, how could two people launch into that much panic and not pass out from fear? But as it turned out, nothing truly evil was done; Kakashi-sensei just cut some of the ropes binding the boys and retied them around their feet too swiftly for the boys to follow.

 

The proof of the Jounin's expertise was shown as Sasuke immediately tackled the ropes around his feet the moment his arms were free, but to no avail.

 

“What the hell-?” he growled, glaring up at the adult, who was walking back to his seat against the balcony rail, whistling cheerfully.

 

“Yeah, yeah, we hate you too.” Naruto grumbled, “jerk-o-”

 

Kakashi turned slightly and `smiled' at the boys. “Sorry, didn't hear that. What did you say?”

 

The three Genin stifled an eep at the `killing intent' aura that radiated off of Kakashi.

 

“Nothing!” the boys squeaked.

 

“Good, now since the young lady asked, why don't you tell her a bit about yourselves?” Kakashi lounged back and pulled out his infamous Icha Icha series book and proceeded to read while the youths proceeded to sweat-drop.

~*~*~

The next day dawned bright and early, with a great deal of warm sunshine spilling down on all those fortunate enough to be outside. Nothing about the attitudes of the three pre-teens waiting out in one of the training grounds could be called bright or warm however.

 

Well, maybe the rage coming from them was similar to `warm', but it wasn't much of a match. After Sasuke and Naruto had grudgingly talked about themselves, Kakashi had handed them sheets that described their training exercise that they'd do the next day; and then had left.

 

He hadn't untied the boys, nor had he left a kunai, shurikan or any other edged weapon behind. He had naturally taken all of the boys' weapons, and had somehow managed to take all of Sakura's as well. She hadn't taken to that discovery too well. Nor had she been thrilled in having to go out and borrow someone else's kunai. She had been just as successful as Sasuke and Naruto in untying the ropes, as in, not at all, so getting an edged weapon was the only way to untie them.

 

To say that the three were embarrassed and displeased with events would be one of the greater understatements of the decade. And, to top it all off, after specifically requesting that the three be at the grounds at dawn, Kakashi was late. Three hours late!

 

Kakashi was swiftly becoming the most disliked sensei of the year. Sasuke was extremely pissed; he needed his breakfast in the morning and was muttering very rude things about Kakashi under his breath. Naruto and Sakura occasionally added in a few crude things or corrected Sasuke by making this or that insult more intense.

 

It was into that kind of atmosphere that Kakashi, seemingly unwittingly, entered.

 

“Good morning you three!” he called cheerfully. There was a dramatic ten second pause as they glared hotly at him.

 

“YOU'RE LATE!!!!!!” They yelled. Kakashi smirked under his mask. Ah yes, revenge is definitely sweet. Feel sorry for Sakura though, maybe I can sub her into one of the other teams.

 

Kakashi lifted his two small bells and felt the hateful glares turn calculating.

 

“I have here two bells. This timer is set to noon. Your goal is to take one of the bells from me before it goes off. The losers who don't get a bell will be tied to one of those posts over there and watch as I eat his or her lunch.” He paused a moment to listen the stomachs growl. He'd told them to skip breakfast for just this reason. Of course he did it to every team he failed; but it was still sweet to hear.

 

“You only need one bell, but since I only have two, one of you is headed for the posts, then back to the Academy in disgrace.” The glares fired up again. Kakashi was really beginning to enjoy himself. “Use shurikan or kunai or whatever you want, but attack like you mean to kill or you won't stand a chance.”

 

“But isn't that dangerous?” Sakura cried out, distracted from her anger. She wanted to help pummel her sensei, not kill him.

 

“Ah, don't worry about, we won't have to go that far.” Naruto said breezily, “It usually takes him at least an hour to catch Sas-kun and me, and he got pegged by an eraser!”

 

“Apparently the loud baka has a highly selective memory.” Kakashi deadpanned. “Now, disregarding him, we'll start on my signal.” All during the last sentence, Naruto began to boil over; erupting at the end of the Jounin's little speech. The blonde grabbed his kunai and prepared to throw it before Sakura or Sasuke, who was still twitching over being called Sas-kun, could react.

 

As it turned out, they didn't need to react, for Kakashi showed near to his full ability just then and suddenly materialized behind Naruto, holding the blonde's kunai-wielding hand so that the point of the blade was pressed gently against the back of Naruto's head.

 

“Easy now, I didn't say start.”

 

“You officially have my attention now.” Sasuke stated while Naruto blinked in confusion. Hadn't Kakashi been-? How had he-? Wha-?

 

“Ah, good, I was hoping you'd wake up.” Kakashi smiled. Sasuke twitched and glared. Did this evil person know about Sasuke's issues with early mornings? “Well, at least you were able to strike to kill, seems like you're coming to respect my abilities.”

 

The kinder tone of voice made the three youth's glance over at the adult with something other than anger in their eyes.

 

“Now, on my mark.” Kakashi said, watching his students tense in readiness, “Ready… Go!”

~*~*~

 

Sakura carefully crawled into a lookout point, warily observing her evil sensei. The boys were nowhere to be seen, as was proper. She struggled to formulate a plan, she need to make one quick. Sasuke-kun and Naruto-bo'ke were probably already finishing a plan together, and the two were reputedly formidable when it came to devious plans. But Sakura had no intention of loosing now. She was going to have to clever, ruthless. Her plan would have to-

 

"What's with that look?" Sasuke murmured in her ear.

 

"Wha-! Sasu-!"

 

"Shhh!" he hissed. Sakura clamped her mouth shut for a moment as they both stared at Kakashi. There was no sign from him that he had heard them.

 

“What are you doing here?” she whispered to the dark-haired boy who was glaring at the sensei.

 

“Filling you in on Naruto's plan.” He whispered back, “Naru-baka is going to make a distraction then you and I are going to go in and steal the bells while Kakashi-teme is focused on Naruto.”

 

Sakura blinked, this was completely unexpected. “But- but what about Naruto? If you and I have the bells, what's he going to do? He's the one who's going to risk the most in this!”

 

Sasuke stared at her and some of the icy coldness that seemed to dominate his expression thawed a little. “Well, I planned on playing keep-away from Kakashi with Naru-baka so that Kakashi-teme couldn't say for certain which of the two of us had the bell, and if all else failed we were going to split the lunch. But Naruto was adamant that you get a fair part in this.” Sasuke sighed and growled quietly, “I don't get him some times…”

 

Sakura felt horrible. Here she was, insulting and abusing the blonde boy, and then he goes and insists that she get a bell while he was playing decoy. “We'll each get two-thirds of a lunch; no way I'm going to let that idiot starve for this. What's the signal for us to start?” She looked over at Sasuke and frowned at his sudden unfocused look. What was-?

 

Sasuke blinked and his eyes refocused on the sensei who was still scouting around in the clearing in front of them. “There's Naruto now,” He hissed. The young blonde marched up to Kakashi and made a loud challenge, which clearly amused the adult. They tussled around for a short moment, then Naruto leaped back and formed a seal. Immediately, twenty clones filled the clearing; causing Sakura to gape in astonishment.

 

“Tha- that's-!” She stammered.

 

“Kage Bushin, I know.” Sasuke replied smugly. Sakura stared at him, Kage Bushin was Jounin level! That fool could perform a Jounin level Jutsu? She returned her gaze to the fight, unable to deny the evidence. Normal Bushins could be detected either by their wispy shadow or the lack of a shadow entirely. These clones cast a solid shadow, due to the fact that the body was just as solid. Then she frowned, Kage Bushin or no, the fight wasn't over yet. And an opening had yet to appear for her crush and herself.

 

A moment later, the fight was over, in a rather unexpected and completely Naruto-ish fashion.

 

“Harem no Jutsu!” Naruto cried out; clear enough for the two observers to hear. The twenty Naruto's became twenty buxom, blonde, naked women. Sasuke proceeded to bonk his head against the branch in front of him while Sakura's mind filled with lovely images of the blonde baka in agony. Kakashi froze; he didn't move a single muscle.

 

Naruto approached him cautiously after a full minute, dismissing his clones. Nothing happened. The creative prankster came just in front of his sensei as the observers climbed down to join him. As they came up to the edge of the field he waved his hand before Kakashi's visible eye. Nada, not a blink, not a twitch, nothing. Naruto stood on tip-toe to get a closer look; then choked back a laugh.

 

“It's ok you two, he's out cold!” he whispered excitedly to his teammates as they neared their sensei as well.

 

“Eh? What do you mean?” Sakura whispered back, skeptical.

 

“Just take a close look!” Naruto sniggered. She did so. Kakashi's eye was blank and glazed and there was something wrong with his mask… Sasuke stuffed a hand in his mouth to stifle a whoop of laughter as Sakura did the same to silence her giggles. Kakashi's mask was dripping due to a massive nose-bleed, which had then led to their sensei passing out from the blood-loss.

 

Naruto, grinning his fox-grin ear to ear, waltzed up, and took the bells in triumph. Still laughing, Sasuke gestured for his brother and his teammate to follow him. While he had been circling over to Sakura's position he'd spotted the two bentos. No reason why they couldn't eat while they politely waited for their sensei to come to, right? Right.

 

~*~*~

He was going to kill that blonde shrimp. Slowly, painfully, and in the most humiliating fashion he could. That- that sham of a technique! How dare he use something so- so-

 

Brillant? Clever? Observant? Kakashi's conscience suggested. No, crude, vulgar, unbefitting a shinobi! Kakashi's wounded dignity snapped back. His conscience snorted and asked if he was the stiff-necked Ebisu or Sharningan Kakashi. The silver-haired Jounin growled and stalked off to rinse his blood-stiffened mask. Okay, so the shrimp had gotten in a good one, it still didn't- Wait. Where were his bells? And for that matter, where were his students?

 

After he finished cleaning his mask, he quickly scanned the area and noticed the diabolical trio sitting by the memorial stone, chatting energetically, sharing the bentos. Acting as a team.

 

Sasuke was perched on the stone, offering his bento to Sakura, who was kneeling beneath him, daintily accepting his offering while both were listening to a bragging Naruto, who was sitting cross-legged by Sakura, holding the other bento. When Sasuke reclaimed his lunch, devouring the rice, Naruto took his turn in offering his bento, which Sakura graciously accepted from him as well.

 

Kakashi took a moment to listen in on the conversation.

 

“So, yeah, Sas-kun-”

 

“Don't call me that.”

 

“Sasu-chan!” #bonk!# “Ouch! An-ee-way! Sasuke has this perfect memory thing going on and he saw Ero-sensei's book -” Ero-sensei? Kakashi observed with a wince.

 

“-and told me the title. So I looked it up and it's a dirty, dirty book! And I'd made Sexy no Jutsu before to prank other perverts, so I thought a twenty-fold Sexy no Jutsu would serve as a good distraction.” The blonde young shinobi grinned proudly, “Guess it worked well, huh?”

 

“Over-kill comes to mind.” Sasuke deadpanned. “I was hoping for the opportunity to roast the `Ero-sensei'.” the dark-haired Bishonen sighed dramatically, “You keep upstaging me baka!” Naruto stuck his tongue out at Sasuke's glare, making Sakura giggle at the by-play. Then she piped up.

 

“But how did you know when Sasuke got to me and had informed me of your plan?” She asked sincerely puzzled.

 

“Ishindenshin no Jutsu.” the boys chorused. Kakashi's brows reached his hairline in time to Sakura's gasp of astonishment. Not only was Ishindenshin no Jutsu a Jounin-level Jutsu, it was a high Jounin-level Jutsu, something only a few ANBU learned. He started to move forward to demand to know where they had learned that, but the little drama before him wasn't over just yet.

 

“First Kage Bushin, now the Art of Telepathy,” Sakura murmured, biting her lip. “Naruto, I need to apologize to you.” The boys stared, making the pink-ete squirm slightly, “I had figured you to be a dead-last, class-clown, loser type. I was wrong and I'm sorry for teasing you like I have.”

 

“You can always make it up to me by going out on a dat-”

 

“NO! I'm not that sorry!” Sakura snapped, then smiled to soften the verbal blow. Kakashi chuckled as he strode forward, making the three jump and go on the defensive.

 

As he neared, he noticed the two bells were right smack dab in the middle of the three, at Sasuke's feet and between Naruto and Sakura. He honestly couldn't say which two of the three had been the victors. Not that it mattered, they had accomplished what no other team he'd tested had; they had, and were currently, acting as a team. I guess I've got no choice. I have to pass them, damn it all. I'm still going to skin Naruto.

 

“Never in all my years as a Genin sensei have I ever been subjected to such a Jutsu.” The sensei drawled. “So what precisely was the plan again?”

 

“While Naruto engaged your attention, Sakura and I were going to ambush you from behind to steal the bells.” Sasuke explained, easing slightly from his defensive stance. No doubt he read the lack of hostility in Kakashi's posture.

 

“So you and the lady would have a bell each, but what of the clown?” was Kakashi's response.

 

“That was going to be a little trickier-“

 

“If Sasuke couldn't get his bell to Naruto, I was going to, so you couldn't say who had what!” Sakura said defiantly. Naruto gave her a heart-filled look, while Sasuke `Hn-ed', but looked pleased. Kakashi let out a pained sigh, I really don't have a choice, they're really a team, already. I'm going to have to pass them. He glanced up at the sky in pain, and a small grin crossed his lips. I don't have to make their victory easy though.

 

“Looks like I haven't much option here,” he said, while the three pre-teens eyed him warily, “You pass-oof!”

 

Naruto had glomped the `evil sensei' and was now indulging in his usually victory dance, made more original due to the fact that he was continuously having to dodge Sakura's fist as she tried to `calm him down'. Sasuke watched in amusement for a while before swiping Naruto's feet out from under him.

 

“A-Hem!” Kakashi said, regaining the attention of the three before things could degenerate further, “As I was saying, you three have passed my first test.” The expressions turned up at him became wary ones, asking `first test?' “The second test is to see just how skilled you three truly are.” He explained with his one-eye smile. “No Henge though.” Kakashi warned with a glare at Naruto.

 

“It's not a Henge.” Naruto and Sasuke chorused.

 

“What do you mean its no- Oh dear Gods, you can't be serious…” Sasuke gave a pained look while Naruto just grinned.

~*~*~

Glossary and attacks:

Double-Orphans: orphans who have been adopted, and have then had their adopted parents killed, leaving them orphans yet again.

Boke, bo'ke: idiot, fool

Kage Bushin: Shadow clone, multiple solid clones, Naruto's specialty (if you don't know that, you are such a newb)

Ishindenshin no Jutsu: Art of telepathy, Armina Skitty original

Henge no Jutsu: either illusion or genuine shape shift into something or someone else

Sexy no Jutsu: Naruto's signature technique, which, for the sake of the fic, isn't a Henge here but a full-body transformation.

Harem no Jutsu: Sexy no Jutsu + Kage Bushin

 

Authors notes: Sorry about ending it there, but I felt that was a good quitting point for this chapter. Next chapter: the boys are eight and have fun with exploding toilets!

Naru & Sasu: #twitch#

Iru & Kaka: #massive twitch#

 

PS: Gomen ne! Gomen about the late update, I now have six! Count `em; SIX!! Active fanfics, plus school, plus work, plus a quasi functional social life. Updates are going to slow, so sorry!