Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Who knew... ❯ 4. SPEAKING THE UNSPEAKABLE, SPEAKING THE TRUTH ( Chapter 4 )

4. SPEAKING THE UNSPEAKABLE, SPEAKING THE TRUTH

 

Itachi had seen Shisui the day after the storm, right after Asuka had gone home.

And the day after. And the day after. And the day after.

But he couldn't bring himself to ask Shisui the reason of his stuttering and, generally, of his strange behaviour around the Yoshizumi girl.

 

He had played the scenes of Asuka's stay at the Uchiha in his mind over and over again, analysing every word, every move, and every expression of Asuka, Shisui, and his. There was something he didn't get. The reason why he still thought about it, after a week, was one of the biggest question marks which couldn't seem to find an answer.

 

He had lived his daily routine, waking up early, poking Sasuke's forehead, training with his father, training with Shisui, going to the Hokage's tower to see if there were missions for him, as the Anbu had nothing up, but except for silly B rank missions nothing interested him.

He thought he had seen her once or twice. After stopping and staring the first time, he had felt like a fool, and the second time he sped up and changed direction as soon he had seen her dark brown ponytail and her navy blue t-shirt. He had begun avoiding all the places the Yoshizumi girl probably frequented, but he scanned the surroundings every time he left the Uchiha district. His heartbeat when he saw somebody who usually hangs out with her. The Inuzuka girl, the Aburame girl, for example. But it happened when he saw Kakashi-san, too. And this bothered him. She was often seen around the white haired jounin, too often for his likings. Sometimes he wondered when he had started disliking that man, but it was a silly question.

 

He did have seen her, and it was twice. The first time she was sitting in a café© with the two girls she always hang out with, and the second was when she was walking home. With Kakashi.

This had really bothered him. They seemed very close, and his stomach twitched at the sight of them walking side by side. She seemed happy. He was smiling. On second thought, this really bothered Itachi, too.

 

Itachi was easily bothered, these days.

Sasuke had noticed, and he would make his daily request for training together shyly, afraid that Itachi may get mad at him. Itachi would never get angry at his little brother. But Sasuke couldn't read his aniki's mind.

 

Itachi had thought a lot, these days.

He looked for loneliness, and trained until late at night, in the training ground near the memorial. He was afraid that somebody may come and bother him, if he trained in the Uchiha district. But he knew, after all, that nobody would come.

 

What did he think about all the time? Why. Why he was jealous of Shisui, why he was jealous of Kakashi, why he was thinking about that, why he wasn't as focused anymore, why he hardly fell asleep at night, why his head ached for the continuous thinking.

 

Once he had tried to ask Shisui when he had become friend with the Yoshizumi girl. But he felt embarrassed and stupid, and thought he wouldn't ask Shisui this kind of things never again. And he wouldn't even *plan* to ask this kind of things to Shisui anymore.

 

He opened his private book (he would never call it a diary, diaries are girlish; his was just a book in which he wrote things, nothing more), and read a few pages before the current date. It had already been a month, and a week had passed since the Yoshizumi girl had slept at his. He smirked. Shisui and a few Uchiha boys had teased him about sleeping *with* the girl, but he only had to send one of his glares and they were like frozen.

 

One of the aspects he hated the most of the Yoshizumi girl thing, was this: he hated to call her “the Yoshizumi girl”. She had a nice name, Asuka sounded good to him. He knew this name was also used for males, even if it sounded oh so good on her. But he felt that using her name in his mind would have been like confessing the unconfessable, speaking the unspeakable; and this, he couldn't allow. He wouldn't allow. He was still desperately trying to convince himself that it was just a moment, just a temporary nuisance, and nothing more. Once he had surprised himself with her name on his lips, about to speak it. He was into the tub, and had let his mind wander freely, needing to relax and to keep himself from the forbidden subject that made his head ache, at least for a few minutes.

 

She had worn his clothes, but they didn't smell like him. It was a sweeter, yet fresher perfume. Her perfume.

 

She came into his mind smiling like when she was playing with Sasuke, the warm, kind smile that he had never been “blessed” with. He got nothing more than a kind smile from her. Or a cold stare, or an angry glare.

 

He liked the girl's hair. Long, dark, not straight and not curly, but wavy in a way that framed her face graciously.

 

He was beginning to spend more time with Sasuke. He still poked his forehead when it came to training together, even if (as usually) once in a while he would allow the boy to come with him, and perhaps train him, but what made the difference was that the brothers-talk had increased in both frequency and duration. And he knew it had been after the Yoshizumi girl (again, how much he hate calling her that, but it was something he just had to do) and he had had that little argument.

He loved the way she had threatened him, and couldn't stop smiling-yes, smiling- whenever he thought at her fine features graced by that touch of coldness and anger. And he hated the smile and the blush on Shisui's cheeks when he was talking to the Yoshizumi girl. He hated the thought that had crossed his mind, that perhaps Shisui felt the same weird feelings he felt for her.

 

*** the next day***

 

A kunai was flying in the hair, hitting nothing but a tree. And beside the tree, one Uchiha Itachi had just dodged the flying object for like the 4th time.

 

“Shisui, would you please pay more attention as to where you throw your kunais?” Itachi was beginning to lose his patience. “Ah, yes, right…” was the distracted reply of the shorter Uchiha. Itachi just turned and was about to throw a kunai at the target, when his trained ear caught a whistling. With his well-known grace the raven haired boy moved to his left side, and watched as a lone shuriken planted himself on the bark of a nearby tree.

 

“Shisui, probably I didn't make myself clear. Would you please pay attention as to where you throw whichever kind of sharp, dangerous metallic items?” Itachi watched his cousin throwing shuriken lackadaisically at a target, with the worst score he had ever seen anyone get since his far academy days. He neared his cousin and took the shuriken away from his hands. Only then Shisui seemed to notice, and raised his head to reveal red eyes and deep bags around them. Shisui sighed and then seated, his head resting on his knees.

 

“If this is all the concentration you are able to gather, you'd better head home.” Itachi said, but Shisui didn't move. He sighed again, and Itachi shook his head. He seated beside his friend, and tried his best to put a little of his coldness aside; after all, it was not only for Shisui's sake, but for everybody's safety he was about to face one of the things he hated the most: a talk on Shisui's personal problems. He felt like a little girl, but managed to pretend to be truly interested. Itachi was very good at pretending.

 

“Is something wrong?” he asked, sounding concerned.

“Oh, no…nothing, except that I don't sleep since the storm night.”

“And why is it?”

“Mmm, nothing, just thinking too much I guess.”.

“And what about, if I may?”

“Nah…nothing…”

Itachi was startled. Shisui not telling him something? Shisui refusing *his* help? Wait. Why should he even bother? Itachi stood up and was about to walk home.

“It's for a girl.” Shisui said, noticing Itachi's movements.

Itachi arched a brow, and seated back at his earlier place.

“Do I know her?” he inquired.

“Oh, you do. Everyone knows her.”

“And?”

“And I like her.”

 

Itachi's stomach twitched.

 

“That was rather obvious. I think the Yoshizumi girl has noticed, too.”

Shisui blushed madly. “How do you know it's her?” he asked shyly.

Itachi smirked. “I am not blind, Shisui. And neither is she. Honestly, I think everyone who has seen you around her has noticed.”

Shisui's blush went darker. “Do…do you think so?”

Itachi only nodded. “Well, is it just that?”

Shisui shook his head. “No. I don't know. I was just thinking that I have no chances with her.”

 

Itachi was growing annoyed. He would have told him `No, you don't, you are nobody while she is the heir of her clan, you are weak while I have to admit she is strong. Just let her go and find an easier target. She is she and you are not…' Itachi's eyes widened `what am I thinking? And he is not…what?' `Me' a little voice spoke inside his head. Itachi was bothered, and shooed the thought and the “voice” away. He breathed in deeply and then breathed out.

 

“And you're losing your sleep on that?” he sounded more ironic than he wanted.

“Yes, why?” Shisui was on a defensive stance. “If you never liked anybody it's not my fault, because you always act snob and cold around anyone but me and your family, wait, no, you do act like a diva also around me and your family! I wonder what all these fan girls find in you! If you ever liked a girl, or a boy, now, I don't know your tastes, if you have any and are not just a stone-hearted bastard, you could understand that losing sleep, stuttering and stuffs are beyond your control!” Shisui was panting. Itachi was looking at him, brow arched in an amused expression.

 

“I …I'm sorry. Loosing sleep I get irritable. I didn't mean to say those things to you.” Shisui said, scratching his head with his left arm, and giving Itachi a mortified smile.

 

Itachi nodded. “Did you ever consider telling her how you feel?”

“N-no! No way! No no no no! Just no!” Shisui was shaking his head like mad.

“Ok. And what were you planning to do, then?” the long haired Uchiha inquired.

“Nothing”

“Yes, that's a very good idea, Shisui. Keep on losing sleep, getting more and more irritable each day and eventually killing somebody because you don't even look at where you throw your shuriken.”

“…”

“Just think about it. I'm going home.”

And that said, Itachi stood up and headed home.

 

****

 

Midnight was long passed, but the Uchiha prodigy couldn't seem to fall asleep. He was tossing and turning on his bed, but the sleep wouldn't come. And now there he was, limbs graciously resting on the bed sheets, his white skin enlightened by a ray of moonlight. His eyes were open, but his gaze was lost. The conversation he had had with Shisui had left him full of wonders and doubts, as if he needed to feed his restless mind.

He smirked.

Apparently that night Shisui wouldn't be the only one awake.

 

He turned on his left side, his right hand on the pillow near to his face. Why? Why did Shisui liking a girl bother him? Again, he smirked. There was no point in lying to himself. It was the fact that Shisui liked *that* girl, what bothered him.

 

He had never thought about what they call “the girl of one's dreams”; of course, he knew what his father had thought him to see in a girl. She had to come from a noble clan, had to be well mannered, to know how to be a good housewife, to cook, to be healthy in order to bear his children and take care of their home, and to be submissive and obedient.

 

The girl he was thinking of did come from a noble clan.

 

She was well mannered as far as he had seen her.

 

She had done the washing up, so he supposed she knew at least the basics; but both came from quite wealthy families, so he supposed that if it was a problem they may engage some housemaid, and that would have settled the cooking thing, too.

 

She was healthy, oh, she was, he doubted he had ever seen a kunoichi in a better shape; about bearing his children, well, perhaps it was too early to think about it. But still he thought about little boys (for he MUST have boys, and not girls, boys) dark-brown haired, with onyx eyes, his nose and perhaps his trademark signs, and oh, he did hope they would have her mouth. He loved her mouth. He wondered if it might have looked too feminine on his boys, but then he was distracted by something he didn't seem to figure out: their skin complexion. He was pale, she was dark. Ok, now it was summer and she was tanned; but still… would they be pale? Tanned? Both?

 

Then, a bigger problem rose on the surface: he didn't think about her opinion.

 

He supposed she would have been horrified to know that somebody had imagined, thought, pondered of her bearing children. She would have screamed, perhaps thrown a few random objects at the incautious thinker, and perhaps used her Ishigan or whatever it was until she was sure that the subject was dead and incapable of thinking such thoughts again. As well as doing anything else.

 

HE himself was horrified. Did he just think that? The idea shocked him. Gone was the feeling of warmth he had when pondering on features, hair and eyes. If it hadn't been the middle of summer, he would have blamed the cold winter night for the coldness that had descended on him.

 

This was bad.

 

The Yoshizumi girl was distracting him.

 

Distracting him from the way, from his goal, from his seek for power.

 

And this was bad.

 

Itachi was now lying with his stomach flat on the mattress, listening to his own heartbeat while squeezing the pillow, apparently with the intent of tearing it.

A light wind entered the room, moving the tent and allowing entrance to a brighter ray of moonlight.

 

He cursed.

 

He cursed the storm, Sasuke, Shisui, everyone who might have been involved in “Itachi meeting the Yoshizumi girl”, which included the academy and all the senseis, and the Hokage, and the Anbu, and everything living or existing in this world, animated or unanimated, cursing them because they had made him feel like this, confused, battled, happy, sad, smiling and on the verge of crying.

 

He wondered if Shisui had thought the same things he was thinking now.

 

He smirked.

He couldn't help but recollect his earlier thought.

 

No, she was definitely not submissive; and she was obedient only when it was about the Hokage's orders or her family's will (or at least he thought so; he thought it unbecoming rebelling against the elders. By now.).

 

And he liked that.

 

He smiled.

 

There were things he appreciated that weren't on his father's list.

 

Her look.

Her hair.

Her eyes.

The way his clothes fit her.

Her strength.

Her smile.

The way she was attached to life.

 

He moved again, his back flat on the bed. He moved a few raven locks from his eyes, and his hand fell back on the mattress.

 

There's nothing he could do; he hadn't seen it coming.

 

In that moment, his mind told him not to do that, not to think it, not to say it, because if he had said that he would have made it come true.

 

`Don't…don't tell me that…' whispered the boy, speaking to nobody, still clinging to the last fraction of his hope.

 

There were things that also the Uchiha prodigy couldn't understand.

 

 

He was in love.