Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ Forever United MST ❯ Forever United and "Rei" MST ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the property of Best Brains Inc. Neon Genesis Evangelion is the property of Gainax. The original fics titled "Forever United" and "Rei" are the properties of Chewy, who has requested me to MST this. With that said, on with the MST!

Forever United and Rei MST

MST #8

In the not too distant future.

Somewhere in time and space.

Mike Nelson and his robot pals

Are caught in an endless chase.

Pursued by a woman, whose name is Pearl.

Just an evil gal who wants to rule the world.

She threw a few things in her purse

And her rocket ship she hunts them all across the univer-erse!

"I'LL GET YOU!!!"

"I'll send them cheesy web posts.

The worst, I can find. (lalala)

He'll have to sit and read them all

While I monitor his mind." (lalala)

Now keep in mind Mike can't control

Where the postings begin or end. (lalala)

He'll try to keep his sanity

With the help of his robot friends.

>>>Robot Roll Call<<<

CAMBOT! (You're on!)

GYPSY! (Oh my stars!)

TOM SERVO! (Check me out!)

CROOOOW! (I'm different!)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,

And other science facts. (lalala)

Then repeat to yourself it's just a post

You should really just relax! For……

Mystery Science Theater 3000…………………..

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]

S.O.L.

Mike, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy were playing some multiplayer games on a GameCube…… don't bother asking how Tom and Gypsy were able to accomplish this. They had just finished Mario Kart, and were now playing Nightfire. So far, Gypsy was winning (once again, don't ask).

"Aw, dammit! Not again!" whined Tom. "I keep dodging that stupid hat, but it always seems to hit me!"

"It would help if you dodged a little faster, Tom." Said Crow.

"Easy for you to say! My arms are too short!"

"Well Gypsy seems to be doing fine." Then he shrugged. "You'd think that a big guy like Jaws could take more hits than this." Then he glared at Mike, who was playing as Nick Nack. "Unlike `some' midgets!"

Mike shrugged. "What can I say? It's hard to hit him." All of a sudden, Oddjobs hat killed his character again. "Nice aim, Gypsy."

"Thanks, Mike." Said Gypsy.

While they were playing, the mad lights flashed. Mike then got up and paused the game to answer it. As soon as he left, Crow unpaused it, and started shooting at Mike's character.

"Ha! More points for me!" Crow said happily, but then cursed at the fact that Gypsy got him again. "Damn! Game over!"

As soon as Mike answered the call, Pearls face in a close up was shown, causing him to jump back a little.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Hello, Mike. Sorry to be blocking your view like this, but I can't let you see your surprise just yet."

S.O.L.

Mike was taken aback at this remark. "Surprise? Really? Wow, I don't know what to say."

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Think nothing of it. We figured that after enduring that Padilla fic, we thought we'd give you a break." Then she moved away from the camera, revealing a tied up girl about the age of 14. She had long red hair, healthy beige colored skin, and equipped in a red jumpsuit.

"Dammit!" she shouted. "Let me outta here this instant!" she shouted while trying to break free of her binds.

"Isn't it a nice surprise?" asked Pearl.

S.O.L.

"Um, isn't that Asuka from that one Evangelion series?"

At this, Gypsy quickly entered the screens, view.

"Really?! Where?!"

Mike pointed towards Asuka's direction.

"Hello." She started. "We're pleased to meet you."

CASTLE FORRESTER

"I swear! When I get out of this, there will be hell to pay!"

Pearl patted her on the head. "Isn't she just cute?" Then she turned back to Mike. "In case you didn't know, she's going to be the special guest in this next experiment." Then she held up the fic. "It's called `Forever United,' and its bizarre sequel, original title I might add, `Rei.' And trust me, it'll leave you scratching your head more than Bobo with ticks."

Then Bobo's voice could be heard. "Which reminds me. I think I need my annual tick bath. It's getting really itchy."

"Just a moment, Bobo!" Then she turned to Asuka. "You will be watching this piece of tarp for a fic. Understand?"

Asuka sneered at her. "And what if I refuse?"

"Then I'll have chalky here shave your head."

Asuka rolled her eyes, but then nearly went into shock when Observer produced an electric razor out of thin air. She turned to Pearl and quickly nodded.

"I thought so." Said Pearl, and then turned back to Mike. "Oh, and don't worry. This is not a lemon. Like I said before, I figured I'd give you a break. But there `are' bad non lemons out there, and I intend to show them to you!"

S.O.L.

"Well, thanks, Pearl, I guess." He didn't know whether to be happy or miserable.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Don't worry about it." She then turned towards Observer. "Send them the guest `and' the fic."

"Right away, madam." He answered, and then used his mind powers to send the fic to the theater, and Asuka to the satellite.

S.O.L.

A few seconds later, the sirens went off.

"We got fic sign!" shouted Mike, and then rushed into the theater with Tom and Crow, who just left the game running. Asuka, however, didn't budge an inch.

"I'm not going!" she exclaimed.

All of a sudden, a lock of her own hair appeared before her. She looked in horror as Observer was waving around the razor. She quickly backed away and rushed into the theater.

Observer ended transmission, and teleported back to the castle.

[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]

*Everyone takes their seats. Asuka rushes in seconds later, and sits next to Tom.*

ASUKA: *nervously* So all we have to do is watch some bad movie, right?

TOM: Yep. That's pretty much it.

ASUKA: *sighs in relief* Phew! That doesn't sound so bad.

TOM: Watch it first. "Then" give your opinion on whether or not it's not so bad.

ASUKA: *cringes* That bad? Well, can I at least make fun of it?

MIKE: That's what we always do.

>Forever united.

CROW: Bad fics and stomach pains will always go hand-in-hand.

>By Chewy

MIKE: You know, I've always preferred "crunchy."

>Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, Evangelion or Rei, heck I don't own the computer,

ASUKA: It was a rental.

> I have no money, and I have no desire to have money in gross amounts.

TOM: (as author) To hell with money! I want to live on love!

> No, I am not stoned.

ASUKA: For our sakes, we hope so.

> I will try to keep the all people in character.

TOM: Of cour… what? *excited* Did he really say what I think he said?

MIKE: Let's not get our hopes up. After all, Pearl sent this.

ASUKA: But didn't she say that you were getting a break?

CROW: Mike prefers not to get his hopes up.

> I support the idea of Shinji and Rei being together.

ASUKA: Well if the idiot wants her, by all means, knock yourself out!

CROW: *to Asuka* Jealous, are we?

ASUKA: No! I'm just tired of people thinking that!

CROW: Uh-huh. Whatever you say.

>She did die for him that one time, kind of a hint.

MIKE: Sure, it's not enough to provide solid evidence, but who cares?

> Disregard everything from episode 23 and on, along with the movies,

MIKE: That's okay. When watching bad fics, we even disregard episode 1 while we're at it.

> except for the part were Rei realizes she really likes Shinji.

ASUKA: Then that's not really disregarding everything, is it?

> Both ending were not worthy of EVA.

TOM: (as author) Regardless of what Gainax thinks!

>Chewy Productions

ASUKA: But I thought he didn't have any money?

MIKE: Just smile and nod.

> is greatly honored to present for the first time in recorded history:

TOM: And possibly the last.

> The Ayanami/Ikari Wedding.

ALL: O_O!

CROW: He had `better' be referring to Shinji.

> I would like to thank Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong and Jusenkyo Guide for this one.

TOM: Uh-oh.

ASUKA: What's wrong?

TOM: Every time the name "Jeffrey Oneshot Wong" appears in a fic, it means that we're seriously going to suffer.

ASUKA: Uh-oh.

>Thanks guys ^_^.

TOM: *sarcastic* Yeah, thanks for providing our tormentors with material!

> I also don't own Tenchi or Sasami or Tsunami.

CROW: Uh-oh. Crossover alert!

> Kasami is the Child of Sasami/Tsunami and Tenchi.

BOTS: *snickering*

ASUKA: *rolls her eyes* Yep. That's pretty original.

MIKE: So how far is the age gap between the two?

BOTS: O_O!

> She has blue hair like her mother. I made her up.

CROW: Really? We couldn't tell.

> No, I do not write lemons. They are usually in really bad taste.

TOM: Amen to that!

CROW: You know, maybe this won't be so bad after all.

MIKE: "Oneshot Wong", remember?

CROW: Yeah, but it was only `inspired' by him. Hopefully, it won't go all the way.

>Deep in Terminal Dogma, a ceremony was being held. A ceremony whose that's beginning had started seven years >earlier.

TOM: Huh?

CROW: "Whose that's?"

MIKE: It's the beginning of confusion!

> On a day when a girl willingly put herself in front of a boy whom she barely knew so that he could get a clear shot,

CROW: So Rei became a prostitute?

> A day when a boy had opened that same girl's entry hatch alone to rescue her.

CROW: *opens beak*

MIKE: Don't say it, Crow.

CROW: *shuts beak*

> It was the day of Rei Ayanami's marriage to Shinji Ikari (and vise versa). In a small room that had once been the >meeting place where generals and strategists had sat to plan for war now housed a small chapel. This chapel was where two >souls were soon to be united into one unit, the sacred unit of husband and wife,

CROW: You know, I just don't think I'm hearing the word "unit" enough.

> which no angel or demon or any other being, cosmic or otherwise, could separate.

TOM: This better not turn into an "Ah my Goddess" crossover.

> The people, whom had come from far and wide to witness this extraordinary event, were seated. The lights lowered >slightly and a Japanese wedding march began to play. The crowd looked to the back of the room and watched in awe as the >bride walked down the aisle. Rei was dressed in a lavender dress that caught the eye of all present, including the priest.

ASUKA: (as Shinji) Um, Rei? You're supposed to put `on' the dress, not hold it!

BOTS: *chuckling*

> She had grown in the past seven years. She now wore her hair in a ponytail that went down to her shoulders. She had >grown about 10 centimeters and her figure had filled out exceptionally well. She walked with a grace of a person who could be >call euphoric.

CROW: Call it what you like, but I like what I see.

> The person escorting her down the aisle was none other than Maya Ibuki. Maya had volunteered after Rei had not >been able to find anyone with the dignity to be her escort down the aisle.

ASUKA: Cause' let's face it. What woman in her right mind would be bold enough to walk a nude woman holding a dress down the aisle?

> As they reached the altar, Rei looked into the eyes of her beloved and smiled. She had fought so hard and waited so >long for this day to come.

TOM: Which was why Asuka wasn't able to attend today.

ASUKA: *glaring at Tom*

> She remembered when she had first slapped Shinji for insulting his father.

CROW: She even remembered the `last' time she slapped Shinji for peering down her dress. In fact, it was just 5 minutes ago.

> She remembered how after Gendo's disappearance, Shinji was there to lend her his should to cry upon when for the >first time in her life she had felt grief.

CROW: It's okay, Rei. At least he didn't sell you for a fish.

MIKE: Um, Crow? That's "Genma," not "Gendo."

CROW: Oh yeah.

> Shinji was always there for her and now he always would be her side, night or day, well or sick, rich or poor, heaven >or hell, for all eternity.

MIKE: Well, until she found someone better, that is.

>Her smile brightened at this thought. Shinji, he was the only boy she had every loved, ever would love, ever will love!

TOM: Next to that guy down the street.

>He had shown her that life was very much worth living, that even in the darkest night, a candle still burns for those >who seek it. Before she had Shinji, she had known no true emotions, only negative ones and these were not the emotions that >she was feeling now.

ASUKA: Which were now joyful and sadistic emotions.

> They were of hopelessness, sadness, anger, fear and depression.

ASUKA: So in other words, Rei hasn't changed a bit.

> She knew that even with Shinji by her side, life would not be perfect, but they would at least face them together. She >offered her hand to Shinji and clasped it gently but firmly with his own. Rei then turned and faced the altar, a look of joy on her >face.

>

> Shinji watched as Rei walked gracefully down the aisle. She was beautiful, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen >in his life.

MIKE: Then he turned away from Misato and looked at Rei.

> Seven years ago, he would not have recognized her.

MIKE: I don't blame him, what with the whole makeover she just had.

> She had grown in so many ways; she was no longer an emotionless little girl. She was now a vessel of hope and love; she was >what mattered to him most in the entire world.

ASUKA: *confused* But what about the hopelessness, anger, and all that other stuff that was mentioned?

TOM: Mood swings? How should I know?

> He prayed that he would always be there to protect her, no matter how dark the world appeared. She was his happiness, the >only star in his sky. She was his little Rei of sunshine;

ASUKA: *groans*

CROW: If they break into a song, I'm leaving!

> she was all he would ever need. Shinji noticed her smiling at him and he smiled back. He then gently took her hand when she >offered it to him.

TOM: Quite a bit of gory detail in this fic.

> He then turned and faced the altar.

>

> Hands clasped together, they turned and faced the altar as one. The priest began to speak "Dearly beloved, we are >gathered here today in the sight of the almighty to see the holy union of these two young people", the priest said with a smile.

CROW: (as priest) These fools have no idea that this isn't a Japanese style wedding!

> He could see the love that this man and woman had for each other. That made him smile, he glanced over to his daughter who >was acting shrine maiden and winked. Tenchi was very proud of his daughter, Kasami, who was a spitting image of her mother.

TOM: The hell?!

CROW: And this crossover has any relevance, how?

> Until he had met the bride, he thought that she and his wife, Tsunami was only people on earth with blue hair. He knew that the >love that these two shared was probably equal to his love for Sasami, or Tsunami as she to those who were not close to her. He >would do anything; give anything, he would happily give his life for either of them, Kasami or Sasami.

>Now another couple could hopefully find the happiness that he and Sasami had found, it was his duty as a priest to perform this >sacred rite.

ASUKA: What does this have to do with Shinji and Rei?

TOM: *shrugs* Filler?

>Tenchi continued, "Marriage is an institution built on love, honor and union of two souls, two souls that are at present >standing before me. If there is anyone in this room can give cause to why these two may not be wed, speak now or forever hold >they're peace."

CROW: *scoffs* How in the hell did Tenchi get his ministry license?

TOM: I'm still wondering what Tenchi has to do with this?!

ASUKA: Or why we weren't told that Tenchi even `was' the priest!

> Several moments past and no one said anything.

ASUKA: They were probably as confused as we are.

>"Good. Do you Rei Ayanami, take Shinji Ikari to be your lawfully wedded husband, to honor and love, to have and to hold, in >sickness and in health, for richer or poorer as long as you both shall live?" Rei replied, "As long as I draw breath from my body, >I swear I will love Shinji Ikari until my dying day. I do, with all my heart, I do."

MIKE: (as Tenchi) You know, a simple "I do" would've sufficed.

> Tenchi then turned to Shinji and said "Good, do you, Shinji Ikari, take Rei Ayanami to be your lawfully wedded wife, to honor >and love, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer as long as you both shall live?" "Rei is my world, I >will do anything and everything to make her happy. I do."

TOM: (as Tenchi) *scoffs* What is wrong with you people?!

> Tenchi then motioned to Kasami to bring the sake.

CROW: (as Tenchi) And don't drink it this time!

> Kasami brought the tray over to the waiting couple and poured them each a cup of sake. After reciting sacred passages, Tenchi >said, "Who has the ring?"

ASUKA: I'm confused. Is this a Japanese or American style wedding?

MIKE: *shrugs*

> Little Yuki Suzuhara

>giggled as she brought the rings forward. Tenchi then said " Rei Ayanami, repeat after me. `With this ring, I thee wed.'" Rei >recited "With ring, I thee Wed."

TOM: (as Tenchi) Dammit! I said "with `this' ring, I thee wed!" Get it right!!

> he then turned to Shinji and said "Shinji Ikari, please repeat after me. `With this ring, I thee wed.'" Shinji then recited "With >this ring, I thee wed."

TOM: (as Tenchi) Finally somebody gets it right!

CROW: (as Shinji) Phew! That was a close one.

> Tenchi smiled at Rei and Shinji and said "It is my honor to pronounce you husband and wife,

CROW: (as Tenchi) Even though I have no idea how I got here.

> you may kiss the bride."

>In the background, a very pregnant Hikari Suzuhara could be heard bawling.

CROW: Here's a random moment, brought to you by CHEWY PRODUCTIONS!

> The kissed, a kiss that united them, body and soul, of all time. After this was done, Tenchi turned to all those present and said, " >It is my privilege to introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Shinji and Rei Ikari."

CROW: Or "Shinji and Rei Ayanami," depending on whether or not your following in Gendo's footsteps.

> There was applause that could be heard outside of the Geofront.

MIKE: That was the Angels cue to attack.

> Yui Ikari looked down from heaven on to the young couple and smiled, She then turned to Achika Masaki and said, "I told >Shinji I was going to show him a bright future." They both burst out laughing.

TOM: They `also' thought that this was a pointless crossover.

The End only of this story, but a true story never ends.

MIKE: Well then that tells something of this story then, doesn't it?

ASUKA: This was a confusing fic.

TOM: Just be glad nobody used "Thinkerisms."

*The group exits the theater*

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]

S.O.L.

Mike, Tom, Crow, Gypsy, Asuka, and Tenchi were sitting around a table, discussing the fic.

"The crossover in this fic was pretty pointless." Said Mike.

"Not to mention strange." Added Asuka. "Don't you think so, Tenchi?"

"I couldn't have said it better myself." Tenchi answered.

"If you're going to make a crossover, at least explain `why' that person is there!" said Tom. "Who else agrees with me?"

"I most certainly do." Answered Ranma. "Why can't crossovers make more sense?"

Suddenly, the mad lights flashed.

"Pearls calling." Said Gypsy.

"I'll get it." Answered Skuld as she pushed the button.

CASTLE FORRESTER

In the background, Observer can be seen trying to fix a machine, while legions of random anime and video game characters came in and out of the castle. Pearl had a concerned look on her face.

"Hi, Skuld. Sorry to bother you for the moment, but can you ask Ranma and Tenchi to come back to the castle? They need to return home. You too."

S.O.L.

"Okay." Answered Skuld. Then she turned to Ranma and Tenchi. "Hey, guys! We have to go now."

They both stood up.

"Well, it's been fun talking to you after such a long time." Said Tenchi.

"You too." Said Crow. "Those were some great times."

After they said farewell, the three were transported back to the castle, and Pearl ended transmission. After an awkward amount of silence, Crow spoke up.

"That was weird."

"Come to think of it, why `were' Tenchi, Ranma, and Skuld doing here anyways?" asked Tom.

Mike thought about it, but couldn't come to a conclusion. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"I guess it had to do with the fic." Said Asuka.

That's when the sirens went off.

"Speak of the devil……"

And the group quickly rushed into the theater.

[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]

*Everyone took their usual seats*

ASUKA: I hope the sequel will make more sense.

TOM: I just hope that the worst is over.

>The World Had Given Them Apples And They Had Made Cider.

MIKE: Personally, I would've made applesauce.

>by Chewy

CROW:…the disgruntled Wookie.

>Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, I don't own this computer,

>

> Gainax is responsible for the wonder that is Eva and it is also responsible >for its unfortunate end. BAD GAINAX, BAD, no biscuit for you!

TOM: Ever get the feeling that the author is mad at Gainax for something?

> Please forgive the grammar, I try writing in a way that tells a story well, >I am not must of a grammar buff. I put a lot of love into this fic. If any >one is offended by this fic,

MIKE:…Sorry you guys aren't illiterate.

> I am sorry. This is a continuation of my fic, "Forever United"

>

>

>; This fic takes place roughly 9 months after my first fic. I know it has >its faults, but it was my first attempt ever of fanfiction that even got >past a full page.

CROW: Maybe it was just me, but it seemed like it was `exactly' a full page.

> This a WAFF fic.

MIKE: What Are Fantastic Fics?

CROW: Why Are Fics Failures?

ASUKA: Where Are the Fabulous Females?

TOM: Who Are Felicia and Filbert?

> I don't write darkfics unless they involve only the following characters: >Gendo Ikari and a vengeful SEELE or angel or a (usually sword wielding) >mother-in-law or ancient forgotten deity or an angry cabbit or a certain red >headed genius or a...

TOM:…or a disgruntled postman or any aliens or robots or humans or…

MIKE: So he `does' write darkfics, then.

>November 14th 2022, Tokyo-3

ASUKA: Three what?

>It was 4:00 A.M. and a young woman was awake.

CROW: You can find her around the street corner.

> Rei Ayanami was excited. That and very uncomfortable, as she was 9 months >pregnant. The thought of being a mother was quite exciting.

MIKE: You know, minus the financial responsibilities, the lack of freedom, constant irritation…

> Now She and Shinji would have their own little child, the ultimate symbol >of their unity, a little bit of each them in one, special person.

ASUKA: It wouldn't surprise me if the baby had a name like "Reiji" or "Shinrei" or something.

> Then she felt a strange sensation. "Shinji!" she whispered softly. She >rolled over on their bed and shook her husband until he awoke. "Shinji, my >beloved, its time, I am having our child."

CROW: (as Shinji) How can you tell? And why is the bed wet all of a sudden?

ASUKA: Ew!

MIKE: You'll get used to it.

> This caused Shinji to sit bolt upright in bed. Rei giggled, then whimpered >as another contraction rocked her body.

TOM: Then Shinji laughed, and Rei knocked him out, thus having to deliver the baby on her own.

> Rei pulled on a coat as Shinji got dressed and they headed for the car. >Rei occasional gasped as she was with yet another contraction, but it was >nothing compared to what she had suffered in her EVA. As they sped down the >road toward NERV central that was now converted into a Hospital and research >area,

MIKE: Sure, why not? What are the chances of ever having another war?

> Shinji dialed Dr. Maya Ibuki, Rei's adoptive mother and family physician >(The training which she had gotten while working with Dr. Akagi as well as >working as a computer tech.)

CROW: Damn! *to author* Thanks for ruining my riff!

> Maya herself was engages to a man neither Rei or Shinji had not yet met >(*Author coughs*)

ASUKA: That can't be good.

TOM: Let me guess. Another Tenchi character? Ranma, maybe?

> and were going to meet once the baby was born. Maya had Adopted Rei when >Gendo had disappeared and had met his end at the hands (and blades) of his >mother-in-law.

CROW: *to Mike* Are you `sure' the author isn't referring to Genma?

> That what you get for stealing and losing the daughter of Kenjitsu and >Iaido mistress.

TOM: Aka; Ranma and Akane.

CROW: (as Nodoka) You may have given up my `son' for a rice bowl, but you won't do the same for the `rest' of my children!

TOM: (as Genma) But dear! I was starving!

> "Hello, Maya?" Shinji inquired. A very sleepy Dr. Ibuki was on the other >end of the line. "This better be what I hope it is." She grumbled. Rei >smiled at hearing this comment. "Yes mother, it is time." She replied >euphorically. "Is that you, Rei? Yes, I will be there when you arrive. " >Maya murmured and then hung up.

MIKE: Such a loving mother/daughter relationship, isn't it?

> They soon reached Nerv central and a stretcher was waiting for them. They >wheeled Rei into the delivery room while Shinji put on a hospital gown.

ALL: *snickering*

ASUKA: So `who's' having the baby again?

> As soon as this was done, he was ushered into the Delivery Theater. Rei was >lane out on the delivery table as Maya was helping Rei delivery her child.

TOM: Oh. For a minute there, I thought Rei was "lying" on the delivery table as Maya was helping Rei "deliver" her child.

> Shinji walked over and grasped Rei's hand. "Shinji, Shinji where are you? >Please don't leave me!" Rei whimpered.

TOM: Are they delivering in a dark room or something?

ASUKA: Remind me to "never" have a baby by an HMO!

> "It's all right Rei, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." Shinji >replied. Rei gave a weak smile at this, remembering the first time they had >been in this position when they were fourteen, mere children. That was when >they first met, she was very badly wounded and he had cradled her when she >had fallen off the gurney. It was only after that had Shinji agreed to pilot >the Eva. He had piloted, even though he didn't want to. He had piloted for >her, he had saved her from death and he didn't even know her then.

CROW: Funny, that's not how I remember it.

MIKE: Smile and nod.

> That was when she didn't know love, she was merely a tool for Gendo Ikari. >That was when she didn't think she would ever have children, that she simply >wasn't capable of it. She simply existed. Later it had turned out that Gendo >had really put hormonal inhibitors in her medicine that she took to keep >here from going through the necessary monthly cycle that all human females >go through to ensure the survival of the species.

TOM: I dunno. It might be just me, but I'm sensing a certain hatred for Gendo.

CROW: It's just you. He obviously has a hatred for "Genma."

> Supposedly he had done this to keep her free of the original sin

ASUKA: Giving birth to children is a sin?

MIKE: That's one twisted Bible, isn't it?

> (Author's note: I would like to take this opportunity to that all the women >and girls out there for helping our people live on,

MIKE: I mean, why give credit to any of the males? It's not like `they' were ever needed. I'm sure that artificial inseminations just produce their `own' seed, and women have become asexual beings.

CROW: Feeling bitter, Mike?

MIKE: Just a little.

> I salute you and have the greatest respect for you. I mean no offense. It's >just that Rei did not actually do that in the original timeline and I feel >it was a crying shame that she could not have children).

TOM: (as author) So I took the opportunity to completely re-write the story. I hope nobody noticed.

> Then had come the day of her wedding, the wedding to her childhood >sweetheart.

ASUKA: But weren't they both 14 when they first met?

MIKE: *smiling and nodding*

ASUKA: Oh.

> That day had to quite possibly the happiest day of her life, she would >never forget it. But now was a moment of truth, another trial she would have >to pass in order to truly unite with her beloved Shinji-kun.

ASUKA: But I thought that happens the minute you marry……oh, never mind!

> Rei then began to push. God Almighty did it hurt, but she was used to it >and she had an important job to do.

CROW: So Rei's a professional surrogate mom?

> She knew the outcome would be more than worth the struggle she was now >engaged in. If this was what it took to truly unite with Shinji-kun, then >come hell or high water she was going to get through it! "I can see the >baby's the head" Maya reported.

MIKE:…of the household!

> "Rei-chan, you can do this, I'm right here and not even an AT field could >keep me from you. I promise." He kissed her and then a soft cry could be >heard.

CROW: (as Rei) Mom! I'm not like that!

> "Rei, it's a girl." Maya said, tears streaming down her face with >happiness. She was a Grandmother, well an adoptive grandmother, but that was >okay.

ASUKA: No one really cared.

> She was still young and she would now never be alone. She thanked God that >she had lived to see this day.

ASUKA: But I thought she was-

MIKE: It's best not to think about it.

> She could still have children of her own and they could play alongside >their niece or nieces and nephews if Shinji and Rei decided to have more >children.

ASUKA: But I thought Rei "couldn't" have children?!

MIKE: What did I just tell you?

>Yes, the future was most definitely looking bright for Maya Eiko Ibuki.

TOM: (as Rei) But mom! You promised not to steal my baby again!

CROW: (as Maya) I lied.

> She took the child and washed it clean of all the blood and amniotic fluid >that was still on her and gave her to Rei. Rei looked into the eyes of her >daughter,

CROW: (as Rei) Mom! That's the third baby you drowned!

MIKE: Careful, Crow. We wouldn't want to offend any readers.

> tears of joys streaming down her face and beads of perspiration from the >effort she had used in bring this child into the world.

TOM: She just `loved' those anesthetics.

> She had her father's eyes and her hair, what little there was anyway. Yes, >she was the mother of a truly beautiful child, and now she truly was united >with her most beloved, Shinji, the man she would happily give her life for.

TOM: Mike? Can I be excused? I have a feeling of mushy nausea.

> But that was not necessary, for all was right in the world.

MIKE: Just as long as you don't count the various crimes or the nuclear threats happening as you speak.

CROW: And don't forget the time traveling robots from the future.

> Shinji sat next to Rei and looked at his new daughter. She was perfect,

MIKE: In fact, "too" perfect. So perfect, that she didn't even look like him!

> a complete blend of Rei and himself. Husband and wife turned to one another >and smiled. "Shinji" Rei asked, "What shall we name our daughter?" Shinji >replied, "I name her...Minagi."

ALL: *falls out of their seats*

CROW: That's it! I'm outta here! *leaves*

MIKE: The crossover has arrived.

> Rei smiled and said "That is a beautiful name, for our beautiful daughter. >Minagi it is." Maya knocked on the door; "Can I come in?" She asked >politely.

CROW: *comes back* Why did she ask? Were Rei and Shinji not decent or something?

> "Of course, have a seat." Rei motioned with her free hand to an empty seat. >Rei asked, "Mom, is there anything you want to tell me?" Maya sighed then >smiled,

TOM: (as Maya) The father of the baby is Tenchi.

ASUKA: (as Rei) What can I say? I'm attracted to crossovers.

> "Your baby is very healthy Rei, you are just fine. I'm just tired."

TOM: (as Maya) It's nothing, really! There wasn't any mix up in the delivery room! Really! I swear!

> She turned to Shinji, "Shinji, Misato is coming to visit with Hiroshi-kun*.

ASUKA: Who?

> She really wants to see you." Shinji smiled at the name of the woman who >was a mother to him. Misato had turned out to be a surprisingly good >mother;

CROW: He was taught the basics of getting drunk and lovin' it 101!

> she even had managed to not drink for the 9 months that she carried Hiroshi >inside her. Now that Nerv was abolished, Misato was now a spokesperson for >the Nippon trade commission. But that was another matter entirely.

MIKE: (as narrator from "Conan") But that, is another story.

> Shinji had a beautiful baby girl, a drop-dead gorgeous wife who was >absolutely crazy about him and was now employed in Kensuke's computer firm.

TOM: Well, at least it wasn't a Mary-Sue.

>Rei's book on her experiences as an Eva pilot was selling like beer at a >pretzel convention.

CROW: All of a sudden, I'm having a craving for a brewski.

> Things were most definitely looking up. Just then,

CROW: …Shinji had to leave on a training quest, taking little Minagi with him, just in case he needed to trade for a bowl of rice.

> little Minagi started to cry. Rei cradled her up closer to herself and >gently hushed her until she went back to sleep. Shinji smiled at seeing >this, "Yes" He thought,

MIKE: (as Shinji) My daughter will be a great woman one day. Now all I need is a strong martial artist to marry her off to.

> "Rei is going to make a wonderful mother"

ASUKA: Yeah. I can imagine it now. The baby crying, Rei ignoring it, and Shinji passing out at the first diaper change.

> The End.

ALL: Yay!

>* In this version: Remember when Misato and Kaji spent the night together in >episode 19 or 20 and Kaji gave her that pill?

CROW: No.

> The pill works 99% percent of the time. It does however occasionally fail.

TOM: (as author) Thus providing a safe excuse for writing in an unnecessary scene.

Hiroshi is the result of this incident.

ASUKA: But if the pill failed, wouldn't it be an `accident?'

> Also, Misato did not tell Kaji he was the father and they eventually broke >up.

TOM: Thus creating a safe excuse to write up Kaji as a deadbeat dad.

CROW: You know, this feeling of character hatred is really coming on strong.

Misato has been a very good mother.

MIKE: Minus the part about constant drinking, neglect, cursing at her deadbeat ex, shouting profanities…

ASUKA: Are you okay, Mike?

MIKE: Yeah, I'm fine. Bitterness must be contagious.

Chewy^_^

MIKE: Like I said before, "crunchy" suits more my tastes.

*The group exits the theater*

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]

S.O.L.

The minute they entered the bridge, Asuka quickly called for Pearl.

CASTLE FORRESTER

Unfortunately for her, Bobo answered the call.

S.O.L.

"Who are you?"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"I am professor Bobo, monkey genius, but that's not important right now."

S.O.L.

"You're damn right it isn't! Let me out of this satellite this instant!"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"I'd love to do that, but you see, the Lawgiver has stated that due to the chaos that is in the castle, you'll have to stay for awhile."

S.O.L.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Well, see for yourself."

Bobo stepped out of the way to show what was happening. Asuka's eyes widened in shock as she seen many different characters from many different worlds all over the castle. Observer and Pearl were doing their best to try to send each one of them back. Bobo faced the camera once again.

"It seems that today's experiment caused a disruption in the space/time continuum. I don't know the details, but all I `do' know is that unexplained crossovers can lead to very bad things."

S.O.L.

Asuka was now furious.

"Then hurry up and fix it!"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Actually, it `is' fixed. Getting the people to go inside it is the hard part. Brain Guy thinks that this is our punishment for unleashing that Padilla fic, but I digress." Then some crashing could be heard.

"It's getting worse!" shouted Pearl. "Help us now, Bobo!"

"Coming, Lawgiver!" Then he turned towards the camera. "Well, toodles." After waving, he ended transmission.

S.O.L.

Asuka now felt a feeling of hopelessness. Still shocked, she fell to her knees. Mike walked over to her, patting her on the back, and then helping her up.

"I wouldn't worry about it." He started. "Things like this always happen. Besides, she always returns the special guest… eventually."

She sighed, and then smiled. "Well, I suppose the best thing to do is to keep a positive attitude. I mean, I `did' survive the almost third impact, right? I can survive this for a while."

Suddenly, Crow rushed into the scene.

"Mike! Something just happened! KOS-MOS and the T-X got into an argument, and are now fighting outside!" Then he ran back to the scene.

Mike sighed, and quickly ran to see what was up. Asuka slowly followed.

*Roll Credits*

For those of you who didn't know, Ranma was from Ranma