Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Longinus ❯ Act IV - Healing Cycle ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: see Act 0

The Fates have declared their intent with Ayanami, their rage burns strong and deep. Loki is up to something, but no one knows what. Shinji is trapped between two worlds, one of duty and one of safety. Which will he choose?

Misato groggily woke up, the ringing of her alarm clock rousing her to sobriety. She shut off the offending machine before making her way to the bathroom. She drowsily asked herself what she was doing taking care of a belligerant fourteen year old. He had no desire to do anything but sit there.

He was a waste of space.

So she still asked herself. Why am I doing this?

She could have left him to live on his own, living in that apartment block all by himself. Then she would not have to trouble herself by taking care of him. She still had the chance to put him into a different housing location. Ritsuko had told her so.

But...he was alone. No parents. The father was a bastard, his mother was dead, he was alone. She felt pity for him. She reminded him of an innocence that she had lost along the way.

Making her way towards the hall, she knocked on his door. "Shinji-kun, are you going to skip school again?"

"Shinji-kun!"

She opened the door.

Ayanami silently watched the video footage of the latest Angel battle. There was a different quality to the battle. It seemed that Unit 01 had gotten the first wind, smashing at the defences of the Angel. The hail of bullets had hidden it in smoke, but it had not hindered Unit 01's attacks very much. It had lunged like a seasoned fighter, smashing at Shamshiel's body with strong punches.

But a small hole in the defense had cost Unit 01 its chance at a quick victory. The tentacles lashed out and slammed into Unit 01; the unit was sent flying backwards.

She watched impassively as the struggle went on. The footage showed the Evangelion holding the tentacles of the Angel known as Shamshiel. A short moment later, Unit 01 began to smash the Angel, the tidal wave of fury pouring through the furious, desperate attack.

The Progressive Knife smashed into the core of the Angel, sparks flying as the Progressive Knife tried to force itself deeper into the core. As if an internal battle of wills were clashing between the knife and the Angel's core, the sparks flew brighter and deeper.

Then it was over.

Blackness dominated the screen, but she continued to stare at the blank screen. Her thoughts would not stray from Ikari, the boy who intrigued her. The boy that terrified her, the boy who looked at her like a predator.

She would never admit it...

...but she wanted to be trapped his gaze.

That fiery, haunting gaze that stalked her in her dreams. The gaze that seared through her, saw her for who she truly was. Not for the girl that everyone else saw, he saw her for her, Ayanamai Rei. Not Pilot Ayanami, not the First Child, but just Rei. She wanted to trapped in that predatory gaze, but at the same time, she wanted to flee from that same gaze, flee and run away as far as possible.

But she didn't know why.

Unlike Commander Ikari, Pilot Ikari was much more gentle and forgiving. But she owed everything to Commander Ikari. He defined her very existance, he gave her a purpose. Commander Ikari...cared about he and he had raised her, whereas Pilot Ikari was just a fellow student, a fellow pilot. Nothing else.

Commander Ikari knew everything, he had the answer to all of her questions.

Except for this.

Why did Pilot Ikari...frighten her?

He sat on the train, his SDAT player the only measure of comfort he had. He knew that there would be a price to pay, but he hadn't thought that he would be that unappreciated. He had killed the Angel, hadn't he? Wasn't that what they wanted, to kill the Angels?

So why did he get reprimanded for doing his job?

"You disregarded my orders" Misato had said.

"Fuck those damn orders," he muttered.

Shinji sighed. He could feel the rage, boiling within him. The potent power, waiting to strike out at the nearest person. He wanted to hit someone, take out the frustration and confusion out on them. He didn't understand.

He didn't want to.

He knew that what he was doing was cowardly. He knew it, but he did not care. He looked down at his bandaged hands once more. The right hand twitched slightly, he winced. The burns were healing quickly, but it still hurt if he moved them in a certain way. Sighing, he let himself be led into his thoughts, the only company he had.

Loki had held some sort of an opinion on that Katsuragi woman, but whatever good graces she had been in was now obliterated. How dare she! He had done his duty, he had done Shinji's duty and this was what he received?! That ungrateful whore.

Kill her Shinji he whispered. She's useless, she'll die anyways. Why don't you kill her? I know you want to hurt her Shinji, I know you do. Beat her! Show her why she should fear you. That pathetic bitch is powerless...kill her. KILL HER!

No...he thought desperately. I don't! I don't want to kill her! No! NO!

I know you do. I am you, you know. You and me...we're the same person. I make up you, you make up me. We're intricately bonded, the Fates made it so. You want to kill her, I want to kill her. I want to fuck her...so do you. Do you understand? So do it. Kill her. I'll help you, kill her, Loki offered. You know you want to. There's no harm, Shinji. They'll find a replacement for her. Kill her. Kill that stupid little bitch, Loki purred.

Come on Shinji Loki smiled.

No! I won't! Shut up! I don't want to kill her! Shinji shouted vehemently.

Loki laughed. It was funny, really, that Shinji would always deny what he truly felt. The boy had lived for too long repressing himself. He had lived without any outlet for his anger and his rage...a potent rage that devoured and consumed. That was why Loki liked being Ikari Shinji. Shinji was powerful, smart and deadly. Behind that mask of a meek, shy teenager lay a man who could kill. Who WANTED to kill.

This was the teenager that the Marduk Institution had seen. The murderous, ruthless Ikari Shinji. The Ikari Shinji that had killed his evaluator to keep the secret. The secret of his eyes, those terrifying demon eyes that struck fear into all those who could meet them.

And how he had reveled in the dying scream of that idiotic Marduk Evaluator.

He shrugged, dropping the issue for now. Shinji would do what he wanted in due time. So he let Shinji deny the accusations, but even Shinji knew that he truly wanted to kill.

Shinji furiously pushed him back, the tumultuous emotions rumbling and roiling within him. He hated it when he manipulated him, bringing the urges much too close to the surface. He honestly didn't want to hurt people...but sometimes, he couldn't help it. They thought him weak, worthless and stupid. He was none of those, he would prove it to them. The only way was to hurt them, beat them and show them that he, Ikari Shinji was superior, not they.

But even he knew that hurting others to prove his superiority was a hypocrisy.

After the pain of being beaten...he had promised himself that he would try to be kinder to others. Nobody deserved the kind of pain that he had endured. He would never wish that kind of pain upon anyone, no matter how much he hated them. The pain of being ostracized by society, having to endure a life that gave you nothing but pain. No, nobody deserved that.

The maglev train continued on its path and Shinji sat, listening to the music, asking himself why.

"So...any word?"

"No."

Silence reigned.

Misato knew that this would happen. The evaluations from the Marduk Institute had said that Shinji had a weak character, running at the first sight of pain. It disgusted her, really that he would be that cowardly. This wasn't the place for kids with that kind of attitude. Could they really rely on such a weak boy to save humanity?

"What are you going to do?" Ritsuko asked.

A pause. Then, "Nothing."

The blond scientist looked over at the Captain with mild surprise. "Why?"

"Because people like him...it's probably better that he doesn't come back," Misato answered quietly.

Ritsuko did not pursue the query any further.

Smack.

Thump.

Thud.

Crack.

"Stop..."

Childish giggles echoed and reverberated in his skull as the blows rained down on his small body viciously. He could hear their words, calling him a demon and an animal.

"Animals deserve to be treated like animals!"

And the parade of pain continued.

He slumped into a corner of an abandoned building, cowering as he tried to control the flow of memories. The endless parade of pain and anguish, all pouring forth like a broken dam. There was no stop once it began, the unmitigated fury and pain pounding, throbbing and pulsating like the beats of his heart.

Everything blurred together, all he could feel were those children, beating him into the dirt path that he had once lain on, blood oozing and dripping from his wounds. The looks that people had given him as they walked by...not even lending him a hand.

Bastards...fucking assholes...all I asked for was a bit of help...cruel, worthless people...begging for me to stop...pleading, screaming for mercy...worthless fucks... I begged you to stop then...did you stop? No, no you didn't. So I didn't stop, you fuck. I kept going...it feltsogoodkillingyouhurtingyou...painpainpainohgodthepain!!!

Dammit Shinji, stop. You're going over...stop Shinji, let me take over. Shinji, stop! NO! SHINJI!!! Loki roared.

A man paused in his rush home, standing still for a minute. Scratching his head, he continued on his walk home.

But he swore that he had heard a beast in the distance, screaming.

"Have they found him yet?"

"No."

"....."

"It seems that your son has been eluding the best of Section 2," said an amused Fuyutsuki.

Gendou remained silent, sitting as he normally did: elbows propped on, hands folded in front of his face under his nose. The dim light of the room glinted off of his glasses, hiding his deep brown eyes from view. To the staff he was an expression, grim man. But a man who got his job done, regardless of the opinion of others. His job as the Commander of the 1st NERV Branch was to ensure that the Scenario was following the schedule.

Even if that meant disregarding his own son.

Son. How...surreal it felt calling the Third Child his son. He had not thought much of him after leaving him, but he knew that deep down, he would have failed as a father anyway. Yui had taken care of both him and their child, but he had always been busy. He had failed as a father the moment Shinji was born into the world.

But the biggest failure was abandoning him.

He knew it, Fuyutsuki knew it, Akagi knew it and Katsuragi knew it. Hell, the entire bridge crew knew it. Abandoning a child?

The chasms were too wide, no time to build bridges. No will to build the bridges to repair their relationship.

What would Yui say if she saw him now? Would she be disappointed that he hadn't taken care of Shinji? Would she be angry? Sad? What would she think of Shinji?

Questions that would never have answers, save one.

Yui would have been proud of her son.

"Tell Section 2 to find the Third Child at all costs. He is crucial to their and our plans," he ordered.

Fuyutsuki smiled slightly as he bowed and took his leave. He knew that Gendou would have folded anyway, knowing that the man truly wasn't that heartless. He had made mistakes, Gendou had been aware of the consequences, even if it meant sacrificing his own son.

Sighing, he strode through the halls of the base, making his way towards the Section 2 headquarters.

Kensuke paused in his war game as a figure appeared in his peripheral vision. He looked over and espised the figure, it was the new transfer student! Wondering why he was wandering around with a bag, he decided to call him. "Hey! New kid!!"

The new kid, Ikari turned to see him, and they met eye-to-eye. Kensuke shivered, suddenly feeling cold. But he paid it no mind and waved him over. Ikari made his way towards him, a puzzled look on his face.

They talked, but Kensuke suddenly noticed that Ikari's shirt was barely there. It was torn up, ripped and barely hanging on his thin frame. "Jeez, what happened to your shirt, Ikari?"

Shinji uncomfortably looked away. "I...got into a...tangle with some branches."

The wings erupted from his back, pain exploding as the skin stretched. The black wings grew bigger and wider; he instinctively flapped them and black feathers fell around him like a shroud...

"Oh, I see," said Kensuke somewhat lamely. He wisely did not mention the bloodstains on the shirt.

"Won't your mom get worried about you?" asked Shinji.

"I don't have one," said Kensuke. "I'm like you."

Unfortunately, Shinji found no comfort in those words. Nobody should have to be like me... he thought solemnly.

Underneath the stars of the night, Ikari Shinji and Aida Kensuke sat together not as classmates, but as friends.

["We have located the Third Child."]

["Retrieve him."]

["Yes sir."]

*click*

"You're going back from where you came, Shinji," said Misato.

He did not answer her. He stared off into space, still wearing his ragged, torn shirt. His eyes were flat and dead, lifeless like those no longer living. He was not hunched over, he sat straight and tall, but with a weariness that he should have never known. Loki hated it. How Ikari could stand being so...subservient SICKENED him. It made him want to rip the boy a new one and shove a spine up that said new one. Why would he acquiesce to someone like Katsuragi? Or even his father Ikari Gendou? There was none who could lord over Shinji. None. So why did he even give the pretense of it?

Misato shivered and involuntarily took a step back. The boy's eyes were amber again, writing with fury. Those demonic eyes looked at her, bored into her, seared through her masks and laid bare her soul.

"Where he came from?" Loki laughed. "You wouldn't know what you're sending him back to, bitch."

She took another step back. That low, growling voice was nothing like Shinji's soft, shy alto voice. It was a smooth baritone, laced with authority, power and menace.

"After all..."

And here, Loki smirked darkly, distorting the usual meek face of Shinji into something fierce rivalling his father.

"Animals deserve to be treated like animals."

The shirt fell away from the boy's thin body, no longer able to hold itself together. The material fluttered to the ground, a large portion of it stained with a dull crimson. The blood from the two large marks on his back had bled profusely for a short while, dyeing it with the color of blood. In this dim light, she hadn't been able to see the red or even the location where the stain had been.

Loki looked down at the shirt. "Well...look at that."

Misato looked at the shirt.

"I guess I'll have to get a new shirt."

Touji stood there, waiting for the blow. He had asked for it, hell, he deserved it after knocking the new kid twice. "Wait, Ikari. Don't hold back."

Shinji paused for a moment, then nodded. With a hesitant breath, Shinji launched his fist towards Touji's face. It landed with a solid smack and sent the bigger boy reeling backwards, grasping his jaw with a surprised expression. Shinji smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

They parted.

Kensuke looked over and then nudged Touji in the ribs. "Hey look! It's that Misato-san! The mega babe!"

She paid them no attention (she didn't even know that they were there), watching as the train rushed by. So. Shinji was gone.

But...wait.

He was still there, watching her with those deep, Prussian eyes. Eyes not holding any malice, but just hints of loneliness, fear and resignation. They looked into each other's eyes, time flowing past them.

Then he finally spoke.

"I'm home."

She smiled. "Welcome home."

Despite the fact that she smiled, she still couldn't erase the image of those powerful eyes, that deep voice, growling. The voice that had shook her to the core, the words reverberating in her soul. The fear that raced through her veins like lightning.

Then she noticed.

His hands weren't bandaged anymore.

End Act 4

Author's Notes:
I had another copy of this on my computer at school. It's slightly different, and unfinished. I was planning to e-mail it to myself home, but I ran out of time in class and forgot. :P Anyways, here is Act IV, Healing Cycle. I called it Wounded first, but then I realized that it wouldn't exactly fit with the ending. Also, I'm showing a growing conflict within Ayanami and how she wants to get closer to him, but at the same time, wants to run away from him screaming "bloody murder". ^^ I'm going to show that in Misato as well, seeing since Shinji did scare the woman.

Next...Asuka's appearance. *evil smile* Fufufufufufufu...^^

On to Act V...

e-mail: sherazard_@hotmail.com