Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Second Coming ❯ Intervention ( Chapter 20 )

Chapter Twenty: Intervention

 

My mood, and the moods of everyone else, wasn't buoyed any by the torrential rain that was falling when I woke the next day. The clouds all around were thick, dark navy in color; the kind of clouds that produced the wicked lightning storms I so loved as a kid (in either childhood). Even at 9 o'clock in the morning, it looked like dusk.

It wasn't until my cell phone chirped that I realized an Angel attack was imminent. I gathered my things and hurriedly bailed from school, Kaworu giving chase - silently, for a change. I was glad that I'd have to switch to my plugsuit upon arrival, for I was soaked to the bone by the time I got to the security gates of HQ.

Shinji, Rei, Asuka, and I were all placed into our respective Evas; Shinji was ordered to remain idle and in quarantine for the time being, while Rei was sent topside to receive a long-range rifle, and Asuka and I were parked on the launch catapults, side-by-side.

The Angel was a being of light, or particle wave matter, I suppose is the correct term, which was hanging around in low orbit, geostationarily almost directly above Japan. It had been positively identified as an Angel - though to this day, I still don't understand how a 'blood type' color differentiates human from Angel. In any case, it hadn't made any offensive moves at that point.

And it won't, I realized, as I finally remembered the properties and behavior of this particular Angel. Oh, shit. Great. As if Asuka doesn't have enough problems.

Rei was receiving the orders from Misato when I heard a thump and saw 02 disappear from beside me. The protests on the comm channel led me to believe that Asuka had, as expected, self-launched.

I thought about it for a second and then pulled the trigger myself, but nothing happened. A voice from Command cleared it up: "Manual launch triggered and denied. Catapults are now locked."

"Let me help her," I pleaded.

"Negative," Misato said sternly. "Two Evas out in the open against an unknown enemy is more than enough right now. Stand by."

I grumbled and acknowledged, dreading what would be happening next.

"I am in position," Rei declared. "I will cover you."

"Yeah," Asuka muttered. "You do that." The tone of her voice made me want to smack her silly, and I instantly regretted that particular impulse, knowing what was coming.

The shaft of light plunged from the heavens - forgive the term - and spotlighted Eva 02 where she stood. I heard Asuka's cries of anguish as the Angel began to probe into her mind, punctuated every now and then by her rifle firing aimlessly.

"Rei!" I shouted, but was in turn shouted down by Misato.

"Stand fast, Unit Zero!" Misato demanded. "Until we know what this is, we can't risk it."

"Send me up!" I hollered, clicking the launch control button several times, to no avail.

"No," Misato shot back, all the while Asuka's screams overmodulating the comm channel.

"It's in my head!" Asuka wailed. "Get out! Go away! Leave me alone!"

"Major!" I screamed.

Misato didn't answer.

"Unlock the motherfucking catapults!" I bellowed to anyone who would listen.

"Pilot! Control yourself!" Fuyutsuki thundered.

Shinji cut in, also protesting the lack of help being offered to Asuka. The command techs were busy reporting on Asuka's condition and the results of the rounds she'd fired - all missing the target, of course. Rei was cleared to begin firing, and Gendo threatened to shut down comms to 01 if Shinji didn't stop hollering.

"Asuka," I pleaded, unsure if she could even hear me. "Hang in there! We're here. We're still with you!"

All that came back over the radio net was incoherent shrieking.

A distant rumbling shook the launch system, and I thought that somehow Shinji had made it to a catapult and self-launched. The truth was made clear after a moment, when Hyuga said, "Unit Zero's shot struck dead center.. but was blocked by the AT Field. We don't have enough energy to breach it at this distance!"

"Recover Unit 02 and reset Rei's rifle," Misato ordered.

"Negative! Unit 02 is not on a recovery point," Aoba said. "Replacing fuses and recharging the gun. Twenty seconds to be ready to fire again."

"Dammit, Misato, let me go! I'll move her onto a recovery point! I'll be careful!" I yelled.

"We can't risk contamination of a second Eva," Akagi cut in. "Stay where you are."

I gritted my teeth hard enough that I was afraid they would crack. I couldn't bear to look at the surveillance footage of Eva 02 writhing around any more, and Asuka's shrill cries had been reduced to frenzied, labored whimpering.

"The beam - it's fluctuating," Aoba said. "All measurement indicates the transmission of the beam is becoming less and less stable every moment!"

"What do you think, Ritsuko?" Misato mused aloud, picked up by the comm channel. "Should we fire the positron cannon into the beam?"

"I don't know," Akagi frowned, sounding all but defeated. "Asuka could be lost to us already."

As if on cue, alarms rang out from within Command, and on the surveillance video, 02 slumped over and went dark.

"Powered down?!" someone blurted out. "Check umbilical connections!"

"They're not working! Something caused the Eva to initiate its own shutdown!"

"Life support crash! Pilot's life signs dropping!"

"Emergency power to circuits 1320 through 1950! Now!" That one was Ritsuko.

"Father! Let me go out there!" Shinji pleaded.

"The risk is too great," argued Fuyutsuki. "The likelihood of the pilot being contaminated is too much!"

"Unit 01 must not come in contact with an Angel," Gendo Ikari agreed.

"But... Asuka will die if we don't do anything!" Shinji protested.

"Correct," Ikari said flatly, and at first, I thought he was implying that he was okay with that. His pause, though, was to contemplate his next decision. "Rei. Return to Dogma and retrieve the Spear."

An explosion of protest erupted over the comm, presumably from Fuyutsuki, for no one else knew of the Spear of Longinus' potential. I, however, found the realization flooding back to me.

Of course. Rei will throw it like a javelin at the Angel and destroy it. That's what saves Asuka.

Another thought occurred to me at that point. What are you here for? What good are you if you don't do anything? What if the extra few seconds saved mean Asuka doesn't get completely mind-fucked, and can recover? Are you just going to stand by and do nothing to help?

"Commander!" I called out, silencing the argument between him and Fuyutsuki. Both men, as well as the rest of the command staff, looked at me (or at least my on-screen image).

I didn't wait for permission to go on. "Rei is on the surface. I am already halfway closer to T Dogma than she is." I let that sink in for a second. "Let me do this."

Ikari nodded. "Go," he said.

That was all I needed to hear; I wrestled my Eva's feet from the catapult's clamps, heedless of any damage I was doing, and headed towards the shaft that would take me down into the bowels of the Geofront.

"Beam still fluctuating," someone said. "But still causing damage to the pilot."

Something made me look up at that moment, while hooking on to a crane that could lower Sangouki into the massive shaft. Descending past the command post of Central Dogma, I saw, beyond the crowd of people at the monitors, one Kaworu Nagisa, standing near the back wall by the hallway doors. He had his eyes shut and head bowed, but when I looked up, he suddenly opened his eyes and stared right back at me, until I disappeared from view.

Comms cut off partway down the shaft, and I breathed a sigh of relief at that point. Forgive me, Asuka, I said silently, but I couldn't take much more of that. Evidently no one had yet seen fit to mute the sobs and such coming from her entry plug.

The rest of the ride down to Terminal Dogma was still agony, though - just a different kind, namely, the waiting game. The crane moved at about 2 levels every 10 seconds, which was actually pretty speedy for a lift of that size and strength, but it was all I could do to just leap off the cable and risk injury slamming into the floor far below.

Finally, I made it to the bottom level, and hopped off, splashing down in the sea of fluid surrounding Lilith. The small naval vessel (well, small by Eva standards) bobbed in the giant ripples I made on my touchdown, making me take notice of it and wonder about the point of such a craft in such a place. Surely anything that could get to T Dogma would shrug off sixteen-inch guns without breaking a sweat, wouldn't it?

The Spear was as I recalled it, plunged through Lilith's torso and embedded solidly in the steel backdrop behind. I carefully grasped it and gave it a tug, to no avail.

Shit, Rei, you sure put this in here good, I said silently, pulling harder on the shaft. The spiraled design of the Spear lent itself to being grasped fairly easily, and hard to let slip.

All at once, it finally came free; I staggered back three or four Eva-steps and landed on my (its) behind in the LCL pool. As I cleared the shooting stars from my vision, I looked back at Lilith to see the wounds vanished, and that her legs - which had been severed above the knees, eerily containing dozens of half-formed humanoid shapes in the stumps - had reformed all the way down once again, the stumps' deformities looking like insane amounts of scar tissue about the upper thighs.

I had no desire to stay there any longer than I needed to; the whole place was creepy and, to be quite honest, frightened me. Making sure I still had the Spear, I waded back to the crane cable, hooked on, and gave the signal to be brought back up.

Again, the trip through the shaft was all but maddening. I busied myself by formulating the plan of action: Get to the launch cage, take the Spear up to Rei, let her throw the ultimate javelin shot of all time. While I go get ready to grab Asuka.

I wondered if Kaworu had been the one causing the beam to lose its strength. It certainly seemed that way, or perhaps my impression of his gaze at me on the descent was wrong. In any case, it'd be over soon, and maybe if I felt differently later on, I could approach him and ask.

When comms returned, Asuka's whimpering was gone. I took that to mean that someone had finally cut off her sound, but then another high-pitched, keen cry could be heard, on a much softer level.

"Unit 03!" Gendo roared. "Launch immediately!"

I patched into the video feeds and stared in dumbfounded shock for a moment, as the crane brought me up the last couple of levels. 02 was sprawled, laid out on its full length, well clear of the shaft of light. However, Zero was presently within the disc of illumination, face-down, obviously having body-checked Nigouki free and clear.

Fuck! "Rei?.."

"Hurry, Jill!" Misato shouted. "Get to any of the catapults! Now!"

I strode swiftly to the nearest lift and latched in, barely getting it done before they fired me off. Gendo was plainly panicked, and I would've likely been shitting myself too if the plugsuits weren't so form-fitting. Evidently, Rei had knocked Asuka clear of the beam, obviously without asking for permission first.

Wait, I thought as the catapult came to a shuddering stop at the surface. If Asuka is hurting, and Rei is down for the count too, who's gonna throw this stupid thing?

"Quickly," Ikari demanded. "End this now! Strike down the Angel."

I stared at the target blip, barely a dot on my display. "I can't! I'm not qualified--"

"You are an Eva pilot," Ikari said, barely keeping his voice from screaming. "Do your job!"

 

"Uploading target coordinates," someone said a few seconds later. I had reluctantly moved forward to a position where I'd have a good run, and enough room to launch the Spear like a javelin.

"All you need to do is aim and throw, Jill," Misato said. "Piece of cake."

Yeah. Says you. I only get one shot at this, period.

"Do you copy, Jill?"

"Copied," I finally said aloud, and braced myself, ready to launch.

 

"Three.. two.. one.. launch!"

As I began my run, I felt something change and realized the two-pronged Spear had merged itself into one single pointed shaft, just as I'd expected.

There was no more time to think of anything else, as the Spear left my (Eva's) hands and arced off into the sky, splitting the clouds and vanishing at a rate that even surprised me.

"Time to contact with the target's AT field is 15 seconds," Hyuga said, and voiced the countdown from that point. "Ten, nine, eight.."

I turned my attention to Nigouki, which was almost at my feet. Whatever the Spear was going to do, it was done; I had no control over it any more. But I could probably do something for Asuka.

I crouched at the collapsed Eva and made sure it was turned over, so that the entry plug could be ejected. I wanted to bark out orders to the command room, to help me get Asuka out, or at least call out to her directly and let her know I was there, but everyone was still fixated on the Spear's path.

Momentarily, a flash of light high in the sky and the cessation of the beam from above let me know the Spear had done its job. Instead of cheers, a collective sigh emanated over the comm link.

"Unit 03, move Unit 02 to a recovery point immediately," Ritsuko said when she realized what I was doing.

"And then check on Unit 00," Ikari cut in before I could reply.

"Acknowledged," I told them both. "Asuka? Can you hear me?"

"Pilot is alive," Maya spoke up. "But I'm unsure of her consciousness."

"Just get her to the recovery system, Jill," Dr. Akagi said.

I did so, and watched the Eva descend on the hydraulic platform; then, leaping the new gaping hole in the street, I dashed over to Rei.

"Ayanami, talk to me," I called out, again crouching before the biomech. "Are you okay?"

"I will.." she said in a weak, trembling voice. "I.."

"Take it easy," I ordered. "I'm going to move you to a recovery point."

"I can stand," she insisted, using my Eva as a platform to pull herself up by.

"Don't overexert yourself," I warned her, helping the biomech up. "The recovery point is two blocks down and one over."

"I can make it," I was told, and 00 took a first, tentative, hesitating step, then another, and another, and shuffled slowly to the pad. It was like watching a stroke patient trying to force their body to move.

I secured our comms from outside monitoring before I continued. "Rei, what happened up here while I was gone? Did you..?"

"I wanted to show her.. that I am not a doll who just follows orders," she struggled to say.

I was speechless for a second. Then, I finally, simply, said, "Thank you, Rei. For being probably the bravest of all of us."

She didn't say anything more as the lift descended, swallowing the Eva into the Geofront.

 

The very first thing I did after changing was seek out Asuka.

She was being held in the medical center, under some ridiculous 'quarantine' edict. When I got there, she was sitting on the edge of a bed, wearing a hospital gown, with her hair down - the neuroclips nowhere in sight, either confiscated or discarded.

I hesitated, looking at her thousand-yard stare, directed mainly at the floor. Occasionally, she'd shiver or tremble, and then rub her hands over her arms, clutching them tight against her body.

Finally, I decided I had to go in. I pushed the room door open, and she jerked her head up at the sound.

"Asuka.." I said quietly. "How are you feeling?"

"I.. don't know," she responded, turning to look at infinity again. "The Angel.. it was in my mind. It was in my fucking mind, Jill."

"I know," I said, trying to sound comforting. I kept slowly approaching, ready to stop if she showed signs of reacting poorly to it.

"You can't possibly know," came the flat response. "It touched me. It violated my mind."

I got all the way to the bed and stood beside her. "That's true," I told her. "I can't know. But it's over now. It can't do that to you ever again. I saw to that."

"I can't believe I couldn't do anything," Asuka said with a frown. "I couldn't even fight!"

"No one would have been able to do anything in that situation," I said. "I wanted to come help you sooner, but they wouldn't let me."

"Arschloches," she cursed.

"I know," I said, just to agree with her. "This may not be what you want to hear right now, but you couldn't have defeated the thing anyway. None of the guns had any effect. It was too far out."

"So.. what did you do?" she said.

"They sent me to get the Spear of Longinus," I told her. "It's an artifact that was being kept downstairs. It supposedly can defeat any AT Field, and anything that's behind it. And.. well, it worked this time."

"Why wasn't I given it in the first place?" she spat out venomously.

"Well, there's only one, and.. in using it, we might have pissed off the big guys," I said, making assumptions based on my foreknowledge. "Gendo Ikari's bosses, that is. If I'm right, the Spear is in lunar orbit now, and can't be retrieved."

"Whatever," she finally said. "At least it wasn't Miss Perfect that defeated the Angel. I couldn't live with that."

I hesitated before answering, concerned with the amount of hate I detected in that last declaration. "Actually, Asuka.. she did play a role.. after failing to shoot down the Angel with the positron rifle, she was supposed to stand by and cover you while I retrieved the Spear, then she was going to throw it. Instead, by the time I got back topside, she'd knocked you clear of the Angel's beam."

"Great. Just fucking great," Asuka murmured.

"I don't think you get it," I said, trying not to seethe with anger. "She disobeyed orders given to all of us to not make contact with you, for fear of contaminating more of us or more Evas. And she put herself right in the path of the same torment that you were going through. To stop you from suffering."

Asuka had nothing to say to that. She bit her lip in a vain attempt to keep it from quivering.

"You talk about not wanting to be helped by anyone else, but you insist on going out on point instead of taking the backup role. Well, that's the purpose of backup - to be there when you need it. It's not a sign of weakness that you needed help. No one could have stood up against that Angel. I'm sure if I'd been in your place, I would have fared far worse than you. I'm not as strong as you are, as steel-willed. But you have to leave a place in that steel will for others to help shore it up when it gets threatened. Rei did what she did because she knew it was the right thing to do."

I stood and watched Asuka tremble for a moment, and was worried that some after-effect of the probe of her mind was causing a seizure. Then, I realized, she was wracking herself with silent sobs.

"Asuka.." I said.

"Go," she blurted out, tears running down her face. "Get out."

"Don't be like--"

"It's not that," she said. "I'm not. Leave me alone. Just go."

It was hardly a coherent explanation, but the optimist in me wanted to believe she just wanted time by herself to cope with the gravity of what I'd told her. I squeezed her shoulder in a friendly, comforting gesture, then walked back to the door.

"One more thing before I go," I said, expecting a protest and getting none. "Shinji was begging to be sent up to help you. He was beside himself, being kept under lockdown by his father. He feels really bad he wasn't able to assist." I got that much from him in passing, on the way to the changerooms. "He wants to know how you're doing. Can I send him by later?"

Barely holding back from bursting out in all-out bawling, Asuka shook her head, hair whipping back and forth a couple of times. She kept her face hidden from view and huddled up on the bed.

"All right," I said. "Get some rest, Asuka." I turned and unlatched the door, edging out.

"Jill," came a distraught, choked plea.

"Yes?" I turned back to her.

She still wouldn't look at me. "T-tell him... later on."

I couldn't find it in me to smile, even though I was pleased. "Okay, Asuka. Will do."

With that, I left the room, and had enough self-restraint to not sprint away until I was all the way down the corridor. I didn't want to be there when the wailing started.

 

Days passed, in which I mainly went to school and went through the motions of life. Asuka didn't attend, which depressed me. I thought I got through to her, I mused at one point. Evidently not enough.

Shinji wasn't present, either, though I wondered how he managed to do that under Misato's watchful eye. Maybe her eye isn't so watchful these days, I realized. Kaji's demise and her probable investigations into the secrets of NERV and all that have likely got all her attention.

One thing I did do was confront Kaworu once more.

 

"I haven't seen Shinji in a couple of days," he said without preamble one day. "Is he all right, do you know?"

"Far as I know, he's been staying home," I replied. "Why don't you go over there yourself?"

"I would not want to cause friction between him and his guardian," Kaworu said. "I get the feeling she does not like me."

"She's wary of you," I told him, "and I expect with good reason."

"Because of what I said to Shinji?"

This was news to me; I hadn't even contemplated the thought that Kaworu could have been building a relationship with the Third Child all this time. Because it was out of my earshot, so to speak, I didn't even entertain the possibility that it was happening.

"I don't know about that," I said. "If I had to guess, though, I'd wager that your published history, or lack thereof, is the lion's share of it. The rest probably has to do with the kind of role you seem to be playing in Angel attacks."

"So.. you did notice. I do believe you are the only Lilim who did."

I whirled on him and glared, looking straight into a serious, firm expression. Luckily, we were on the school roof, far from any others.

"So if you have that kind of influence over the other Angels, why didn't you just stop the attack completely?! Why does my friend have to suffer??"

"I did what I could," he said, "and I will ask you again not to call me an Angel, for I am not--"

"But you are!!" I railed. "You're one of them!--"

"I am born of Adam, as are the Angels, it's true," he growled. "But you and your kind put a negative connotation on the word 'Angel'. You use it derogatorily, as a slur. I don't appreciate the comparison, and I am not like them."

"What, so you're on our side?" I said sarcastically, hands on hips.

"The line between 'sides' is too blurred to make a distinction any more," he answered me, almost cryptically. Turning away, he added, "Regardless, I will not be a party to this argument any longer."

I stood and stared for a moment, needing time to comprehend that Kaworu was walking away, and basically telling me our interactions were over - for good. "I.. I'm watching you, Nagisa!" I shouted after him.

"I expect nothing less," he responded softly, slipping inside the roof access door, back into the school.

 

Another surprise waited for me - literally - when I got home.

"Rei," I said in greeting, seeing her standing outside my apartment door.

"Jillian," she replied, nodding her head slightly. "I.. need to ask you some things."

"About what?" I hadn't seen her since the incident with the Angel, and wondered if she'd been affected by it like Asuka had.

"I desire counsel," came the response.

"Coun..? Ohh," I said, nodding as I understood her meaning. "Sure, come on in."

She silently waited patiently as I unlocked the apartment, going inside and kicking off my shoes. I carried on into the room while she doffed her own footwear. "Do you want something to drink?"

"I'm not thir.." she began, then reconsidered. "Water will be fine."

"Good," I smiled, pouring us each a glass and setting them on the table, sitting down. "How are you doing?"

"I am not sure," Ayanami replied, looking at the drink placed before her. Had I been more observant, I would have realized it was more that she was focused on a rehearsed speech of sorts. "The contact with the Angel.."

"Yes," I said, as she trailed off. "I heard what that was like. I'm sorry. But I thank you for doing what you did."

She stared at me for a moment. "Thank you," she murmured, in a tone so low that the only reason I knew was because her lips moved. It wasn't a response to me; it was her exploring the phrase and trying to comprehend it.

"You don't hear that often, huh?" I guessed.

"It's the second time this week," she acknowledged with a nod. "It's unusual for me to receive praise."

"Commander Ikari never thanks you?" I asked, suspecting I knew the answer already.

Rei shook her head. "His thoughts are solely on his goals."

I sighed, leaning back and sipping some water while I considered what to say next. It occurred to me that Rei was like a child with no upbringing; her childhood was nonexistent, and she didn't know how to respond to a lot of things in life.

"He disciplined me today."

My head snapped back to attention and focused on her. "He what?"

"Commander Ikari was very unhappy with the risk I took on the battlefield," she explained, again focused on her as-yet-untouched glass. "He--"

"What did he do to you?" I said with a panicked voice.

She looked across to me. "Verbal discipline," she replied.

My shoulders sagged in relief. "Oh," I said. "So you got a scolding?"

She nodded after a moment.

I sighed. "Good. So he didn't hit you."

"No, not today."

That particular answer made me cringe, but Rei was already moving on with another topic.

"Did you say something to Asuka?"

"What?" I asked. "Actually, yes. Why do you ask?"

Rei responded, in typical fashion, without preamble. "When we were in the hospital together, she asked me to come see her."

My curiosity was piqued. "Oh?"

Rei nodded. I leaned forward to urge her on. "You did, I hope."

Once more, she replied with an affirmation. "She thanked me for my actions.. I think."

"You think?"

"Her words spoke to the effectiveness of our combined efforts, but I could tell there was an underlying meaning. As well, there is the fact that she asked for me at all."

"True enough," I nodded. "Did you talk about anything else?"

"She warned me not to say 'I told you so'."

I couldn't help but smirk - okay, giggle - at that one. "Did you want to?" I asked.

Rei paused for a moment. "On some level," she acknowledged.

"I'm sure," I told her. After a pause of my own, I added, "Did you talk about the Angel encounter itself?"

"No," she said. "I didn't want to bring it up. I saw how she reacted to Shinji."

"Shinji?" I asked. "What do you mean?"

"Apparently she said some things to him while in quarantine outside. She asked me to tell him she was sorry."

"Really?" I asked. Did that mean she hadn't let him come see her in the hospital after all? Or maybe he hadn't gone?

"I haven't seen him yet," Rei said. I realized there was a tone of worry in her voice.

"Well, it's not like he's run away again, I'm sure," I said dismissively, hoping I was right. "We'd hear about it if that was the case. Right?"

"True," she admitted.

"Do you want to talk about the Angel encounter?" I asked her, getting back to the topic I was curious about.

"There's little to discuss," she said. I got the impression she would have shrugged if she'd been prone to that kind of expression.

"So you didn't have the same kind of intrusive experience that Asuka did?" I prodded, feeling guilty for insisting on more information, but desperately wanting to know. "What happened?"

Rei studied the still-full water glass. "We communicated."

"'We'? You and the Angel?"

"Yes."

"About what?" I asked.

"Emotions.. sadness.. loneliness.." Rei trailed off, then seemed to snap back into focus. "Humanity."

I didn't know what to say now that she'd provided me with what I'd been asking to hear. "Are you okay with what you.. communicated?"

"I will be all right," came the reply. "And I know you are willing to help if I need it. I just don't at this time."

"Okay," I nodded. Coming from anyone else, that might have been a snide comment, but from Rei, it was simply the truth.

Finally she focused one more time on the glass of water, blinking as if realizing it was there for the first time. She picked it up and started drinking it, not stopping until it was gone.

All the while, her free hand was clenching and unclenching while resting on the table. A sudden realization hit me, and I don't know if I was right or wrong, but I suspected that she was feeling like she was in unfamiliar territory. I'd rarely seen Rei snack or eat at all, other than when necessary. Drinking socially, even if a simple glass of water, was probably an alien concept to her. In fact, it was probably something she only did when taking her medications - explaining the hand reaching for something that wasn't there.

"Have you seen Asuka since the hospital?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"No," Rei said, shaking her head. "She hasn't been to school?"

"Nope." I was quickly coming to a dead end for topics, or even things to say about the subject at hand.

"She will surface somewhere," Rei said. "I trust you have searched in places she would normally be."

"Yeah," I said. I hadn't dared to go next door, with Misato's state in mind, but I was reasonably certain Asuka hadn't been there - I would have heard her and Shinji going at it, I suspected.

"I should go," Rei suddenly said, standing up. I stood too, realizing how long we'd been talking.

"You don't have to," I said. "But thanks for stopping by in any case."

"You're welcome," Rei said after a pause. "And thank you."

I grinned. "No problem, Rei. Any time."

 

After she left, I threw myself on the bed in what had become my 'thinking position'; lying on top of the covers, flat on my back, hands clasped behind my head, staring at the ceiling.

Why is everyone coming to me? I asked myself. Now I'm expecting Shinji to stop by asking for advice on dealing with Asuka. Or Misato to seek my opinion on the secrets she's surely uncovered by now.

I evidently had overstayed my welcome in the waking world without knowing it. Despite the fact it was still just around suppertime, I drifted off to sleep fairly swiftly.

 

When I woke back up, it was dark, and I could hear rain drumming on the windows. I debated for a while on whether or not I should bother getting up, but once I heard the familiar voices next door, the answer was decided for me.

I threw on a T-shirt and shorts (not feeling up to a skirt in the bad weather), and darted out to knock on the neighboring door.

Misato opened the door and smiled warmly, rosy cheeks betraying her state of sobriety. "Evenin'," she said. "You're up late."

"I thought I heard Shinji and Asuka," I said.

"Oh yeah. They're up watchin' a movie or somethin'. Come on in."

I did as invited, going into the living room to find the two of them, and Pen2, lounging about, with a video game playing on the TV screen. Asuka had the single controller for the moment, and Shinji was watching with mild interest.

"Hello," I announced myself.

"Oh!" Shinji said, sitting up straight from his haphazard pose across the couch. "S-sorry."

"Hey," Asuka replied, concentrating more on the game than me.

"Haven't seen you guys for a few days," I said, sitting on the vacated spot on the couch.

"Haven't felt like coming to school," Asuka mumbled.

"I, uh.." Shinji seemed concerned that Misato would overhear, and lowered his voice. "Me too."

"Why?" I asked him. Absentmindedly, I found myself skritching the back of the penguin's head, as it had wandered over to see if its regular food source had brought anything this time.

"I don't know," Shinji shrugged. "Seems like there's no point."

"I don't know about that," I countered. "Even if the course material sucks."

"Other things have been on my mind," Shinji insisted, and I caught him taking a longer-than-usual look at Asuka.

"Ohhh," I said knowingly. Changing gears, or at least giving the illusion of doing so, I asked Asuka, "So, how're you feeling?"

"Meh," Asuka said, shrugging her shoulders with her response. "I'll survive."

"Good to hear," I smiled.

"If you say so."

I was about to rebut that when Asuka went on: "How about you tell Shinji how to build up a backbone and demand that his dad let him fight?"

I blinked, caught off guard by the comment. "Uh.. what?"

"I felt so.. useless," Shinji murmured beside me, looking at his hands. "During that last battle, I mean. Father wouldn't let me go out into the field."

"I hear you, but he had a good reason," I tried to protest. "He didn't want you or Eva 01 to--"

"Pfft," Asuka scoffed, interrupting. "Ayanami intervened, and she's okay. Well, as okay as she usually is."

"He's worried about the Eva, isn't he? Not me," Shinji wondered aloud. "He's concerned for--"

"Unfortunately.. yes," I replied. "Far as I can tell."

"Since when did you become the expert on all things Eva?" Asuka said, still playing the game.

"You can observe a lot just by watching," I told her, invoking an old favorite quote of mine.

Shinji eyed me with an unusual expression. It took me a minute to realize he was trying to get me to say something more to Asuka. A silent shrug from me brought a muted nod of the head (towards Asuka) from him, in a preposterous version of charades. It wasn't until he finally mouthed the word 'mom' that I got what he was getting at.

"Uhhhh," I said, unsure of how to breach the subject to Asuka. "Have you given any thought to what Rei said about your Eva?"

"What?" Asuka shot back, not quite with a snarl, but getting closer.

"She told me what she said to you in the elevator, before the Angel fight," I said. "About opening yourself up to the Eva."

Asuka was going to scoff and dismiss it; I could see it in her body language. But her shoulders sagged and she sighed. "No. I haven't," was her only reply.

"You might want to give it some thought," I said. "Remember what I said in the hospital.. that applies just as well to the Eva as it does your friends."

"Mm," she said, clearly not wanting to get into it, especially to think about the ramifications of what I was saying.

I relented, shrugging towards Shinji apologetically. "It's late," I said. "I should get home." After I stood up, I asked, "Will I see you two in school tomorrow?"

"Maybe," came Asuka's curt response. Shinji simply shrugged.

"All right," I said. "Well, if I see you, I'll see you then. Have a good night."

I let myself out without any further interaction; Misato was gone, evidently having slipped into her room to slide into unconsciousness. I went back to my own bed and resumed the 'thinking pose' again, far too rested to need more sleep.

I spent the first few minutes berating myself for being unable, or unwilling, to out-and-out suggest to Asuka that someone she knew could be in her Eva with her. I was uncomfortable with the whole idea of doing that. First, it would probably bring up bad memories of her mother, and come across as an insult to the latter's memory. Second, even that big of a hint might not be enough; only an outright declaration might get through to her.

So why not do that? I asked myself. You do want to do something about it, don't you?

I was pissed off with myself for getting down this mental pathway again. Shut up, I said. I'm not here for any specific reason, or to change anything. I'm just here because.. I got this life because Kaworu was feeling benevolent when he awakened.

So if you intend to do nothing, and just waste this life going through the motions, why live it at all?

That last bit shocked me, to the point of literally jumping up out of bed and crouching down in the corner. Was I really thinking of suicide with that mental remark? Or was it my mind trying to spur me into action?

I was too freaked out to do much of anything for a long time. I sat there in the corner, trembling, hugging my knees to my chest, until I felt my legs go to sleep. When that happened, I snapped back to reality, and dragged myself out into a stretched-out position, lying there on the floor, of all places, until my limbs came back to life.

I don't remember what I thought about while I was quivering in the corner. All I know is, while I lay there on the floor, waiting for my legs to get their strength back, one thought was running through my head.

The beauty of it is that I have the ability to choose.

Come the next fight, I was going to stand up and do something. My actions would make a difference.

 

My memory of the timeline of events had failed me; I forgot how close 'the next fight' actually was.

It was the next day, in the mid-morning, when the sirens blared and my phone summoned me to HQ. Neither Shinji nor Asuka had attended, despite my attempt at getting them to commit to. So, again, Kaworu and I ran the distance to NERV's aboveground entrance.

The white-light halo in the distance as we ran gave me no misconceptions about what was waiting for us. Now more than ever before, my making a difference - doing something - would be vital; possibly the difference between life and death.

I held the elevator for Kaworu as I'd reached it first. He was mildly surprised, but boarded it with me. We stood in silence for a few moments, until I made this simple declaration:

"No one is going to die today, Nagisa."

"Every time these battles happen, someone dies," was his answer. Clearly he was referring to the Angels we fought.

"Listen to me," I bit out through clenched teeth. "Whether I do something about it or you do, there will be no casualties among the Eva pilots. Is that clear?"

"You sound as if you expect something to happen," he said, evading my question.

"It better not," I grunted. "If you allow it to, you'll wish that Shinji gets to you first and not me."

"I don't understand what you're saying," he said evenly, still facing forward in the lift as he had been all along. "But we will all do what needs to be done.. and what we see as the right thing to do."

I muttered a curse under my breath at him, as we went our separate ways once the elevator stopped.