Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Second Coming ❯ Crescendo ( Chapter 23 )

Chapter Twenty-Three: Crescendo

 

School was back in session the next day, and so I went.

Asuka joined me, which was good; to be honest, having a friend handy was something I needed right then. Shinji was there, too, but I'd yet to talk to him.

Kaworu was absent, of course, which caused a murmur to ripple through the meager number of students remaining. In the time he'd been here, he'd already befriended many - not to mention Shinji - and his presence was evidently missed.

I didn't know that the rest of us would be feeling similar emotions very soon.

"You're what?!" Asuka blurted out as I approached her and Hikari at the lunch table.

Hikari cringed and looked apologetic. "It wasn't my idea," she apologized. "Father says there's too much going on around here for us to stay. He wants to move us up north, where Mom was born."

"But school is in full session!" Asuka protested. "Why can't he wait till the end of the year?"

"I wish I could change his mind, Asuka," Hikari said.

Asuka noticed me. "Jill! Talk some sense into the class president, will ya?"

"It doesn't sound like she or her sisters have much of a say in it, Asuka," I said sadly. Hikari nodded.

"That's so not fair," Asuka grumbled, sitting back down as I did the same. "You deserve to at least finish this year off without having to transfer."

"It's all right, I guess," Hikari said. "But I do want to thank you both for being my friends, before I run out of time to say such things."

"Don't!" Asuka shot back, clapping her hands over her ears. "I don't wanna hear it until the very end!"

I smiled at Hikari. "I understand," I said. "Thanks for being my friend too."

"You guys can look me up in Noshiro, you know, once school is out," Hikari said.

"You bet," I answered for the two of us. I hope we last that long, I didn't add.

Hikari got up and I, anticipating it, did the same. She leaned over to hug me, and I returned the favor. I found myself tearing up a bit - she'd been a true companion, all this time I'd been in Japan, and I knew I'd been blessed by knowing her.

Asuka, too, reluctantly stood to accept an embrace. "D-dammit, Hikari," her muffled voice came from behind the other girl's shoulder, "if you make me cry in front of the entire school, I'll.."

Hikari giggled, patting Asuka on the back, and I couldn't help but smile myself. That was so typical Asuka.

"When do you go?" I decided to ask.

"Um. Friday," Hikari admitted. It was three days away.

"Gott! There's no time left for a party," Asuka said with a dismayed tone.

"That's okay, that's okay," Hikari said quickly, waving her hands in a stopping gesture. "I don't do well at farewell gatherings anyway."

"Me either," I contributed.

"We're gonna miss you," Asuka added.

"Like I said, there's no reason to be strangers," Hikari said, smirking at her use of the English phrase.

 

Fifteen minutes later, I was pushing open the door of the roof access. I needed a breather away from the impromptu send-off Asuka was giving Hikari, and I figured some fresh air would do me good.

I hadn't banked on Shinji Ikari being up on the roof, forearms resting on the railing.

"Oh," I said aloud, before I could catch myself. He looked up at the sound, spotting me.

"It's all right," he said, shrugging. "I was just up here thinking."

"About what?" I asked, approaching the lone other occupant of the rooftop deck area.

"Lots of things," he said. "Aida and Suzuhara.. their families are being moved away."

"Them too?" I said with shock. I related the episode with Hikari that had just transpired.

"That's about everyone," Shinji realized. "All except those of us tied to Eva."

"Yeah," I agreed, leaning against the rail myself, letting the wind blow into my still-yet-to-be-trimmed hair.

"I was thinking of Nagisa as well."

"Oh?" I asked.

"I'm worried for him. He hasn't been seen in days."

"I'm sure he's okay," I said, not realizing my dismissive tone was a carbon copy of one Asuka might use.

"I don't know," Shinji shrugged. "He's said some strange things to me in the past."

Oh Christ, here we go. "Like what?" I asked innocently.

"He's talked about the whole reason for life, and what we do with it.. and keeps referring to the human race as 'Lilim'. And.. and he's said that he loves me."

"I see," I said, trying to sound mildly surprised, or at least how I thought I should react to that revelation. "How do you think he meant that?"

"I-I know what you're thinking," Shinji stammered. "I don't th.. I don't know. I'm not used to having anyone say they loved me."

That's probably true. Lost your mother when you were a toddler, grew up with an asshole for a father.. "How do you feel about him?"

"I don't know, that's the thing," Shinji said, turning to face me, his expression as serious as it could be. "I've never known anyone who loved me. And I've never had anyone to love."

I tried as hard as I could to keep the old Queen song from running through my head. "It's a.. difficult thing to discuss," I admitted. "Not for the reason you might think, which is that you're a guy and I'm a girl.. but, um, because.." Think of something and stop babbling, idiot. You didn't have to get into this conversation in the first place, but now that you're here, you're in for the distance. "It's got to be really unique, having grown up the way you did. No offense."

If he was put off by my comment, he didn't say so. "Is there anyone you love, Jillian?"

I blushed and was caught blindsides by the remark. "Um, no," I squeaked. It was the truth; I'd never been too social in the first place, and no one I'd met since taking on Jillian's life had compelled me to want to enter into any kind of relationship. "But I think that's a case of not having found the right somebody yet."

Thankfully, he abandoned that line of questioning. "Do you think I should be looking for him?" he asked.

I realized he meant Kaworu after a moment. "Actually, I don't know why, but I get the feeling he'll show up again soon," I said.

"Really? You think so? What makes you say that?"

Crap. Do I tell him? I could easily make a plausible story of 'guessing' his Angelness from all the weird shit that's gone down since he came on the scene. In the end, cowardice - if you can call it that - won out. "Eh, I don't know for sure. I just get the idea that he can't stay away for long."

"Right," Shinji said, nodding and offering one of his rare, faint smiles. "Thank you, Jillian."

I nodded and smiled back. "I'm going back inside now," I told him.

"Okay. Please tell the class rep I'll be there in a minute."

"You bet."

I got to the stairs and shut my eyes, sighing as I descended back to the classroom levels. Oh, this is not going to end well, I feared.

 

During classes, I couldn't keep my mind off the problems I'd been having with Sangouki. As absurd as it sounded, I was seriously considering taking off for NERV at the next break and sitting down to have a 'chat' with the creature, or soul, or enlightened being that was Evangelion Unit 03. I figured it might have helped in the long run.

You may have guessed by my verbiage, at this point, that I didn't get quite that far in my efforts.

Just after school, before I met up with Asuka to tell her I wasn't going to walk home with her, a white Toyota van pulled to a stop beside me. Before I had a moment to think, let alone react, the side door came open, and hands pulled me inside; the door slid shut, and the van swiftly merged back into traffic once again.

 

I was hooded and blindfolded from the moment I was abducted. No one said anything to me, despite my complaints and comments, and the van just drove along. I had my suspicions on where we were going, though, even though I didn't see anything other than total darkness until much later, after having been marched along somewhere upon exiting the van. Once the hood was removed, I found myself still in darkness, until the reflection of some red illumination bathed me.

The words which had appeared before me were ominous and foreboding, at least to me:

 

SEELE

01

SOUND

ONLY

 

One by one, the other monoliths sprang to life in a circle around me, as I'd been expecting.

"Fourth Child, you have been summoned here to answer our questions," one of the voices said. I couldn't place it; of course, I'd never met Keel Lorenz or any other SEELE member, but to compound the confusion, the electronically-processed voices seemed to come from everywhere at once, not from any specific direction or monolith.

"All-all right," I said. I was trying to sound confident and unfazed, but the fact of the matter was that the room was designed to throw people off their rhythm and make them on edge - or so I presumed. Few people had opportunity to have an audience with SEELE, I was sure.

"What do you know about the Fifth Child?" someone asked.

I didn't have the guts to lie, or to hold anything back. There was the potential that these guys could just outright end me; I would never be seen again. "I know he is like the First, in some aspects."

"How do you know this?"

"I've seen him do things," I replied. "I mean, I don't have any proof of him actually doing anything, but I know I've witnessed things that have happened because of his intervention."

"How do you know that he and the First are ...special?" came another query.

I all but visually winced. Two questions in and I'd already slipped up. At this stage, I'll be forced to say the word 'anime' in an answer in 90 seconds or less. "I've developed a friendship with the First. It didn't take much observation to figure out she was different." A quick idea came to me, and I used it, uttering a silent apology to Kaji's memory as I went along. "Your previous collaborator also gave me some insight into things."

"How much insight?"

"Enough that I know what to expect," I said, still wondering which word would be my last, cut off by a chokehold or a blow to the head or some other incapacitating move.

"You do, do you, Child?" If I had to guess, that would have been Lorenz again. "Don't be so sure."

"Where is the Fifth hiding?" someone else demanded.

"I don't know," I said. "The last I saw of him was before the battle with the sixteenth Angel. I haven't seen or heard from him since."

"Where would he go? Are there places he commonly visits?"

"I don't know," I repeated.

"Did you share your ...knowledge with him?"

"No.. not all of it," I admitted. "Nothing of significance."

"We will judge that," Lorenz interjected. "What did you tell him?"

"That I knew he was sent by you, and that I knew he was an Angel," I said, leaving out the bits I didn't exactly want to dive into at that point.

"What was his reaction to that?"

I shrugged. "To be honest, he always evaded the first part and denied the second."

"So it is possible he doesn't know, yet," someone said. I was confused by this, until another responded to him, and I realized he'd been talking to the others, not me.

"We have to assume, with his disappearance, that he does," the answer came, then they turned their attention back to me. "We should decide what to do with this one."

"Find him," Lorenz commanded me. "Instruct him to report in at once."

"Um.. with all due respect, if you can't locate him, how can I, with resources that're insignificant in comparis--"

"You have a rapport with the Fifth," Lorenz cut me off. "If he does not seek you out on his own, you should be able to find him without difficulty."

Says you, I didn't retort.

"You can return her now," someone said. Until then, I wasn't aware anyone else was in the room with me. My expectations were that every one of the monoliths were holograms or projections of some other sort. They were, of course, but as I heard a footstep behind me, I remembered that someone had to have been there to remove my blindfold in the first place..

 

I woke up some time later - it was dark outside - in the white minivan again, parked across the street from my apartment block. The van was otherwise empty, the keys missing and nothing in it at all, except me.

I didn't even remember getting knocked out, however that happened. For all I knew, I was gassed inside the SEELE room - which, more likely than not, was some place inside NERV headquarters - and hauled out to the van and driven home.

I tried the door closest to me; it opened without hesitation. Looking around, I found no one on the street or in the surrounding area (or, at least, no one in plain sight), so I stepped out of the van, dashed across the road, and headed home.

As I was unlocking my apartment, someone next door obviously heard me, and came outside. "Hey!" Asuka called. "Where've you been?"

"I, uh, had something to do," I said, making a pitiful attempt at an apology. "Sorry."

"I waited for you for close to an hour at the school. I thought maybe you'd joined a club or something."

"Sorry, I was kind of tied up." I smiled inwardly at the horrible pun.

"Whatever," Asuka shrugged. "Before you head to bed, you might wanna phone Miss Perfect. She was over here looking for you."

"She was?" I asked, surprised. "Did she say why?"

"Of course not," Asuka scoffed. "She was her typical reserved self. Except.. she seemed uptight about something."

"Did you ask her what was wrong?"

"She wouldn't say a word. Just asked that I tell you she was here."

"Uh, okay, thanks," I told my friend. "See you in the morning?"

"Ja!" she grinned, pulling the door shut.

 

I sat on my bed, staring at my mobile phone, resting open and idle on the sheets before me.

This is getting seriously fucked up, I said to myself. I was at a loss for what to do. This was all truly uncharted territory now; Rei wasn't supposed to be alive, and Asuka was supposed to be AWOL at this point, not to be found until 7 days had passed, lying in a bathtub in the ruins of the city which hadn't been destroyed.

I had no idea what to say to Rei.

That's why I was staring at the phone, watching the time on its display click over to 11:21 PM. I'd been home for 15 minutes since talking to Asuka, doing nothing but sitting and considering my options.

Do I phone her and wake her up, and dive into whatever conversation this becomes, at this late hour? I wondered. Or do I leave it till morning, and risk leaving Rei sitting awake all night worrying about me?

There were lots of other 'or's' that ran through my head at the same time, but in the end, none of them mattered, as I snatched up the phone and scrolled down to "Ayanami", hitting Send.

The phone rang seven times, then was picked up - sleepily. "Yes," Rei said.

"Oh, shit, I woke you. I'm sorry," I apologized.

"Jillian," Rei said, waking more with every passing moment. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm at home," I said. "Are you? Okay, I mean."

"I am," she acknowledged. "But there is something I want to discuss."

"Right now?" I asked. "I can come over if you--"

"That's unnecessary," she cut me off. "It can wait until morning."

"Okay. I'm sorry for calling so late. I just heard you'd been looking for me, and I wanted to put your mind at ease."

"It's all right," Rei said. "Thank you for... thinking of me."

"Of course. I'll see you in the morning. Good night."

"Good night," she responded, before hanging up.

I set the phone back down on the bed and stared at it some more, until the display went dark from inactivity. Puzzled, I shook my head.

What does she want to discuss with me? My mind went back to the conversation from the last time we'd talked. Could it be that? Is it possible she simply wants to get some pointers on relationships?

If so, she picked the wrong tutor, I smirked to myself. Deciding that was the answer, I set the phone aside and crawled properly under the covers, ready to head off to sleep myself.

 

For once, I woke on my own schedule, without a pounding on the door from Section Two, a shrill alert from headquarters, or something else jarring me from slumber. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up and looked out at the morning that was steadily progressing outside.

Is there even a point to going to school any more? I wondered, reflecting back on the revelations of the day before, of all our friends announcing their departure. Still, I'd committed to keeping up a normal life, or as close to that as was possible, so through the morning routine I went.

Shinji and Asuka had waited for me at the elevator, and the three of us walked on to school together. It almost felt like things were returning to normal, which, to be honest, had me unsettled.

"What are you doing this weekend, Fourth?" Asuka asked me as we walked along.

"Eh, I never plan that far ahead," I said, telling a half-truth, as usual. For the sake of conversation, I asked, "Why? Do you have something in mind?"

"Not off the top of my head, but I'm going to go crazy if I don't come up with something, what with Hikari and everyone else leaving."

"I know what you mean," Shinji said. "I'm seeing Kensuke off Saturday morning."

"Maybe we could tag along," I said, inviting us into Shinji's plans.

"I guess," Asuka shrugged, "though saying farewell to the stooges wasn't what I was thinking about. Anyway, what do you say, Third Child? Is that acceptable to you?"

"Uhhh.. I guess so," Shinji stammered. "If-if you want to, that is. Or we could--"

"We could what?" Asuka replied, once Shinji had cut himself off, blushing. I smirked and raised my eyebrows, amused and listening in; he'd clearly been thinking out loud. Was I about to bear witness to a date in the making?

While I listened to them stumble through an awkward conversation, something caught my eye on the expressway a distance away, on a bridge that spanned one of Ashinoko's tributary rivers. I wasn't able to spot every last detail, but I could see well enough to spot a small blue car and possibly two figures standing on the bridge.

One of Misato's private meetings, I mused, taking a wild guess.

"Fourth? Helloooo, Jill?"

I blinked and turned back to Asuka. "Er, sorry, what?"

Asuka was nonplussed by my distractedness. "I said, what do you think about that, and 'that', since I doubt you heard that part either, referred to the three of us going on a hike around the lake on Sunday."

"Oh! Sure, that sounds good," I smiled. "I'm in."

"You'd better be careful," she cautioned me. "Act like that the next time you're in your Eva and they might start giving you grief. You're already on shaky ground as it is."

"Erf. I know," I said, the unpleasant memories of San's rejection coming back to me. "Trust me, I'm all here. I'm good."

I hope.

 

Kaworu was not at school, but that wasn't a surprise. Rei's absence, however, was.

"Something's not right," I frowned.

"What? Because Miss Perfect skipped again?" Asuka scoffed. "That's hardly unusual."

"She had something she was going to discuss with me," I explained. "She definitely said she'd see me today."

"Maybe something came up," Shinji offered. "You know how she's always being put through tests and stuff."

"Maybe," I said, still not liking the whole situation. For the time being, I had to be content with it, though, and go through the motions of the school day.

 

"Where are you headed?" Asuka asked when I turned left instead of right, upon leaving school at the ending bell.

"To the geofront," I said. "I want to see if I can get some time in my Eva.. see if things are going any better between us now."

"Right," Asuka said, still showing bemusement at the personification I was giving the Eva.

"Do you want company?" Shinji asked.

"No, no; you two carry on," I said. "I'm sure you can find something more interesting to do."

Shinji was confused by the smirk I appended to that comment, and Asuka looked like she wanted to throttle me. I turned and went on my way, after a wave.

My explanation hadn't been a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth, either. I was worried about Rei, and had hopes of finding her somewhere within the complex, or at least bumping into somebody who would know where she was or what she was up to.

I wouldn't have been so concerned if not for two things: One, Kaworu's recent vanishing act put me on edge that he was soon to make his move, and the fact that Rei was 'like' him didn't help matters. Two, I was curious what it was that Rei had wanted to talk to me about.

I sought out Dr. Akagi for my first attempt at sorting things out. She was in her office.

After the greetings were through and done with, I said, "I was wondering if I could get some time in the entry plug? I mean, I presume I'm still grounded.."

"Unless you have some epiphany on why the Eva rejected you, yes," Ritsuko responded, a little coldly.

"That's why I want to try," I said, trying not to let her words sting me too much. "Maybe I can sync up properly today and see if things will work."

She checked her watch and sighed, then tapped a key on her workstation, causing the screen to go dark. Before it blanked, though, I noticed that the display was showing a picture of people, instead of some test results or other equations. Replaying it in my mind's eye, I realized it was most likely her and her mother and Gendo, from ages ago.

"I suppose we can get a test in this evening," she said, standing and coming towards the door. "Let's go."

"Thank you, Doctor," I said, bowing a little in response before preceding her out into the hall.

We walked in silence for a few moments, until I got up the courage to ask: "Have you seen Rei today? She was abs--"

"Rei was scheduled for a test this morning," Ritsuko cut me off firmly. "I don't know where she is right now."

"Oh. Um, thanks," I said. I continued on towards the change rooms, while Dr. Akagi wordlessly proceeded to the testing center.

 

You're growing, I silently told myself as I tried to break in the new plugsuit. It was snug in some places, more from the expansion of those places than the newness of the suit.

For a moment, my mind drifted to thoughts of growing up as a girl, and the fact that as a girl, I still did have some growing up - physically speaking - to do. It was something I hadn't dwelt on previously, because I'd never looked beyond Third Impact in my personal plans.

Don't consider it the end, I found myself thinking as I played with the control on my wrist, expanding and shrinking the suit a couple of times. It's going to end this whole story, but yours carries on past that.

Suddenly, alarms started ringing, startling me. I picked up my neuroclips and hurriedly put them on while rushing towards the Cage.

"Confirm location of - never mind, here she is!" Ritsuko said as I passed through the command center. I skidded to a stop to ask what was going on.

"Your Eva has self-activated," she growled quickly, "without an entry plug." She turned her attention back to berating the techs for telling her that something impossible was happening.

I stood there, rooted to the spot, as if an icicle had pierced my spinal cord from the base of my brain stem right down its length, paralyzing me.

Oh shit, I thought. He's here. It's time.

 

With Misato absent, Ritsuko was in charge, overseen by Fuyutsuki and Gendo from on high.

"What should we do?" she asked them. "Sortie her in Unit Ze--"

"No," Gendo said flatly. "The pilot has not been cleared for combat."

"Do you want me to get Rei?"

"Have her brought here," the elder Ikari said. "And summon the other pilots."

"Understood."

While Ritsuko was giving orders at the techs, I stood there, still in the same spot I'd been for the past few minutes. When she had a moment to draw breath, I asked, "What's going on??" As if you don't know already.

"An Angel has appeared inside the Geofront," she said with a great deal of stress in her voice. "We think it's taken Unit 03 with it as a protector, and is heading to Terminal Dogma."

I shut my eyes sadly. San, please, I begged. The only reason he can control you is if you're dormant. Please come back to me.

I didn't expect, nor did I receive, a response of any kind.

"Sir! Section Two reports they are unable to locate the First Child!"

"What??!" Ikari said, actually going a little pale. "Check again!"

"I could go look for her," I said to Ritsuko, trying to help out in some way.

"There's probably no point," she said flatly. "Rei disobeyed an order of Commander Ikari's this morning. She's been in a cell ever since - well, at least we thought she was. I expect she's somewhere you'll never be able to reach."

I blinked, trying to assimilate and understand all that information. Rei had been jailed? For disobedience?

"Sir, we have a visual on Unit 03 and the Angel, coming up on screen now," Aoba said.

The rest of the room was shocked into silence, but I knew exactly what to expect: Beside a levitating Sangouki was a floating human being, or at least what appeared to be one.

Kaworu Nagisa.

Gendo found his voice first. "Re-designate the Fifth Child as the Seventeenth Angel. At once."

"Y-yes, sir," came a stunned reply from one of the techs.

"Third Child has reported in and will be in the Cage in two minutes," someone else said. "Second Child is also here."

"Sortie them both," Ikari demanded. "Send them after the Angel."

 

It was nothing short of agony to be standing in Command, little more than a spectator, watching Kaworu take away my Evangelion and set off for what could become Third Impact.

No, I thought to myself. Adam's body is inside a glove less than ten meters over my right shoulder. Kaworu is heading to Lilith. He can't set things off with that combination.

Unless everything I thought I 'knew' was total bullshit, of course. I had no confirmation that Gendo had Adam implanted in his hand; I didn't even know if Kaji had brought the embryonic Angel to Japan in the first place.

I knew nothing.

"Breached the main shaft access!" Aoba belted out. On screen, Sangouki had just forced open the thick, bulkhead-like access doors.

"I don't suppose the Dummy System will function?" Gendo inquired calmly and casually, as if he was asking if anyone remembered to tape his favorite show.

"We can try, but I don't think it'll go," Ritsuko said.

At that moment, Misato arrived, with Hyuga close behind her. A rapid briefing was given, and Misato tossed me a confused, surprised look when she saw 03 on the screen and me standing in the command post. Then, things settled back down to the usual mayhem.

"Dummy plug did not work," Maya Ibuki confirmed. "Unit 03 is still out of our control."

"Units 01 and 02 have reached the main shaft. Beginning descent. Unit 03 and the Seventeenth Angel are 1450 meters below them."

"Location of First Child?" Gendo asked.

"Still unknown," Aoba said. "Security is performing a section-by-section search."

"Dr. Akagi," Gendo said after a moment, "Upload the Fourth Child's program into Unit 00 and have her stand by in the Cage."

"Yes, sir." Ritsuko turned to be. "You heard him, Jillian."

"R-right," I said, turning reluctantly from the monitor. I had no desire to miss even a second of the action, but at least if I somehow could start Zero and get her to cooperate with me, I'd be able to get in on it.

I hustled to the cage, and stared at the blue-and-white biomech as I rode the lift from the catwalk to the gantry of the entry plug.

You shouldn't even exist right now, I reflected. You were supposed to self-destruct days ago.

The entry plug powered up and if I wasn't generating a workable sync ratio, they didn't bother telling me about it. At least I was connected to comms now.

"--aworu, you bastard, stop!" Shinji railed. "Get back here and face me!"

There was no response from the Angel; I didn't even know if it was possible for him to invade on our electronic comms signal as-is.

"Unit 01, Unit 02," Gendo cut in, "You are to make the elimination of the Angel your top priority. Destruction of Unit 03, if necessary, is authorized."

"Is-isn't the Fourth Child inside?" Asuka protested, and I couldn't help but smile, and feel a little warmth, even in such a crazy situation; at least I knew she cared for me as a friend.

"Negative. Unit 03 is pilotless. Proceed," Gendo demanded.

Shinji, meanwhile, was still taunting Kaworu, trying to get him to stop and acknowledge him. Still, no responses came back.

"Unit 00 is ready," I reported when there was a break in the chatter.

"Stay on station," Fuyutsuki's voice came back to me tersely.

Rei, I said to the being I thought was inside Zero, if you are there, please put up with me for now. I need your help.

If there was a response, it was indiscernible to me.

"Unit 01 is now 82 meters from Unit 03," someone reported. "Contact imminent."

"Jill... I'm sorry," Shinji struggled to say, and I could envision in my mind's eye the clashing of armor.

Suddenly, Kaworu's voice was on the line. "I do not understand, Lilim, why you use what is your mortal enemy in order to survive."

"Unit 02! Attack!" Gendo roared.

"Nnngh!" came a grunt from Asuka's commlink. "I'm trying! But he's - he's got his own AT Field!"

"Of course," Kaworu said. "You don't see that this thing you call an AT Field is the wall of the soul, the line which no one may cross. You think you are evolved, yet you don't see the simple fact that the so-called AT Field is the very thing which makes you individuals!"

There were screams at that point from Shinji, which I took to mean that 03 had landed a hit on him. Asuka called his name, but he was in no frame of mind to respond.

"Evas 01, 02, and 03 have reached level 98!" Hyuga said. "Only the Final Protection Layer remains!"

C'mon, Rei, talk to me, I urged the Eva. Are you with me? Give me a sign..

The background chatter was suddenly cut off abruptly, followed immediately by a thunderous, earth-shaking explosion. "What the hell was that?!" Misato shouted.

"AT Field! Strongest we've ever recorded!" Hyuga announced. "Emanating from.. Terminal Dogma!"

I expected to be sent in at that moment, but Ikari held fast. "Get ready," I heard Misato say, but before I could acknowledge her, someone else did - evidently, she wasn't talking to me.

Maya reported that everything was being prevented from entering or leaving T Dogma. "We've lost communication with the pilots!"

Send me, I tried to will Gendo.

"F-final Protection Layer disengaged!" Aoba called out incredulously. "It wasn't from here!"

"Heaven's Door is open," Fuyutsuki intoned solemnly.

I need to be doing something! I wanted to yell, but I knew the truth; I'd been shuttled aside just for the benefit of not having me in the comm center. I would have just gotten in the way.

A twinge of something pulled at the back of my mind. I would say it was like a headache, except there was no pain associated with it.

"Another AT Field!" someone shouted just as the ground began to shake again. "As strong as the last one!"

"Another Angel!" Ritsuko declared.

"N-no.. I can't tell! The Magi have no answer!" Maya shot back.

I felt another pulling sensation within my brain. Then: "God! It just disappeared!"

"Disappeared?" Misato echoed.

"It just negated the first one, and then vanished!"

Finally, it hit me. Rei! I tried to look around and spot her, the real, flesh-and-blood girl, but she was nowhere in sight.

I suddenly had a vision of being in the bottom part of the shaft leading to Terminal Dogma, and overlooking both Shogouki and Nigouki trying to fight San off, while Kaworu glided effortlessly across the crimson sea in the base of the Black Moon.

Do whatever you have to, Ayanami! I tried to urge her on. I'm here with you.

There was no discernible reply, and the vision was gone as soon as it had arrived.

"Do you have contact with Units 01 or 02?" Gendo asked.

"Nothi--" someone began, then cut himself off. "Wait, audio comms are returning!"

"--and you are not the existence which should die," Kaworu was saying.

"What are you talking about?!" Shinji shot back.

"Ach! Shinji, he's an Angel!" Asuka protested. "I can't hold Jill's Eva down much longer! Do it!"

"Only one of us can go on from this point," Kaworu explained to Shinji. "And all I have seen of the Lilim leads me to believe it is their fate to do so. Therefore, it is my fate.. my will.. to die."

I suddenly had another vision, that of Kaworu in Sho's iron fist, looking up towards me. Before I could realize that I was seeing through Rei's eyes, the vision vanished again, as if it was an intermittent comms signal fading in and out.

His voice still continued through the audio link. "I am sorry for my betrayal of you, Shinji Ikari. I can only hope for your forgiveness, and that you will do as I ask. And please tell the Fourth Child I am sorry too."

"Wh-what??!" Shinji said, still going full tilt on adrenaline.

"She was right all along," he said. "I did not see it until now, but she was right to be wary. I hope she can forgive me as well."

"Kaworu!" I yelled out. "Can you hear me?!"

There was no reply; I didn't need a vision or a video feed to be able to see in my mind's eye Shinji's Eva staring down Kaworu, gripped in its hand. The infamous scene that never ended was playing out in real time now.

"Dammit! Kaworu!" Shinji screamed. "Why?!"

Kaworu didn't answer; Shinji sobbed and yelled some more, confirming one of my suspicions about this particular point in the story.

"Shinji, do it!" Asuka yelled.

There was a defiant roar from Shinji's commlink, and then silence.

"The.. the 17th Angel.. is defeated," Maya declared a moment later.

"Stand down from alert condition," Gendo said. "Units 01 and 02, retrieve Unit 03 and return to the Cages. Stand down Unit 00 and have the security forces continue their search for Rei."

"Yes, si--" was all I heard before the entry plug of 00 shut down. I realized, as the LCL began draining, that I was literally on the edge of the seat, hands gripping the controls tighter than I thought I was capable of. As I relaxed, my fingers started to ache from the tension.

All I could do at that moment, after relieving myself of the LCL, was sigh. Then I thought of Kaworu - not the Angel, but the person. He who had been the one to put me here, who had spent countless hours trying to befriend me (but evidently having more success with Shinji).

I felt guilt. I felt that I should have been a better person, a friend to him.

I am sorry, Kaworu, I thought silently. I wish I'd done you better.