Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Second Coming ❯ Epiphany ( Chapter 25 )

Chapter Twenty-Five: Epiphany

 

I woke up with a start, similar to the kind of panic that sets in when you think it's way too light out to be the middle of the night and you realize it's because you slept through your alarm and you're late for work.

It was indeed past when I'd expected to be roused; 7:53am, to be exact. Had things turned out the way I'd expected, I should have been forced out of bed nearly two hours previous, dragged to NERV, and put in my Eva for my own safety - if I wasn't dragged out into the street and shot by a JSSDF soldier instead.

I could hear the sounds of breakfast being cooked next door, and I felt some uncomfortable relief - if there can be such a thing - at that. I was happy that it was a normal day so far, but I wanted to run up to everyone and shake them, warning them of the dangers looming.

Getting dressed, I decided to invite myself over for breakfast, and knocked on the door. Shinji let me in before returning to the kitchen to cook.

"Thought you were Misato, maybe," Asuka said from the table, where she was doodling on the margins of the morning newspaper, while reading it.

"She didn't come home again?" I asked.

"She won't be home for a while," Shinji said flatly.

"Oh yeah, ask him," Asuka said. "He says he met up with her last night, late."

"What?" I asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," Shinji mumbled.

"Shinji.. what happened?" I pressed, stepping over to him. "Did she--"

"I said I don't want to talk about it," he said angrily, turning away from the stove to shuttle food to the table.

I stared after him for a second, then walked back around to the empty seat beside Asuka, and sat down.

"If you get anything more out of him than that, I'll be shocked," Asuka contributed, popping a piece of bacon into her mouth. "S'all he's said to me on the subject."

I looked at him. "Shinji.. this could be important. Is it about Rei?"

He froze, halfway back to the stove again. Just for a second, he remained as still as could be, as if he'd been turned to stone by my query. Then, he moved on to the stove, wordlessly.

"Shinji, answer me," I demanded, standing back up. "I know it's a shock, but--"

"You don't know anything," he grumbled.

"I think you'd be surprised at what I know," I shot back. "It is about Rei, isn't it? The whole truth. You know now."

"What--" Asuka tried to interrupt, but Shinji cut her off with two stern words, dripping with anger, directed at me.

"Shut up."

I seethed, leaving it be for the time being; I'd have to try to get to him some other way.

Asuka sat between the two of us, looking back and forth, for once unable to come up with anything to say.

 

It took all the will power I had in me to not blurt it out to Asuka after breakfast.

She wanted to know what we were both on about, but I stood fast, trying to honor Shinji's demand to not bring it up again. I didn't know what his motives were in keeping it bottled up, but I was concerned that forcing the issue would make things worse.

I decided to stick around, though; I figured that of the other options I had, being with them was probably the best choice I could make, for a number of reasons.

After what happened next, though, I felt a bit like an unwanted guest. Late in the morning, Shinji knocked on Asuka's room's door. She paused the video game we were playing (she'd given up on prying information from me) and called out, "What is it?!"

"I need to talk with you," Shinji said firmly.

Asuka sighed and began to rise from her bed, where she'd been sitting cross-legged; however, the door slid open on its own - or rather, from Shinji's own action. Asuka blinked, surprised, and to be honest I was a little taken aback myself. Shinji was not usually one to invite himself in or, for that matter, do anything that might irk the Second Child.

"Okay, talk," Asuka said, standing there, arms folded, facing him.

Shinji acted as if I wasn't there. In retrospect, I think he probably forgot I was around, or didn't care. He fixed Asuka with a steely gaze and said, "Do you consider me a friend?"

"What?" Asuka asked, screwing her face up in a cross between annoyance and confusion. "What kind of question is that?"

"Answer me. Please," Shinji said, and it dawned on me what his goal was. This wasn't someone confessing his love for another - at least, not primarily. Shinji was at the end of his rope. Everyone he knew and loved was gone. He'd just learned, if my guess was right, that Rei was a clone of his mother and was a clone of herself at the same time - surely he'd seen the Reiquarium, and that was what had shaken him to his core.

But this, now, was his last gasp. Having someone to call a friend, someone he could lean on, if you'll excuse the song cliché, was what he needed in order to keep the will to live. Without it, he would be found huddled under a stairwell in the bowels of NERV, not caring if he lived or died..

"Are you stupid?" Asuka said to him, and it shot through me like an icicle of nitrogen.

Did she really just say that?

I could only hope that the next words from her would be 'of course I am'.

Shinji, for his part, stood there with the same firm gaze he'd had since opening the door.

"You are the Third Child and pilot of Evangelion Unit One. You, to me, are my colleague."

I was dumbfounded. Shinji didn't react at all. I wanted to reach out and slap Asuka on the back of the head.

Finally, Shinji shut the door, not turning away until the wooden panel completely obscured him from view.

"What a head case," Asuka said as she turned to sit back down again. "Ow!"

This last bit was because I'd flung the game controller at her and hit her in the ear with it. I'd been aiming for her nose, though.

"Fourth?! What the fuck was that for?!" she snarled.

"You know damn well what it was for!" I shot back, standing up.

"You don't seriously expect me to--" she started yelling, then hushed herself to a low tone, nearly a whisper. "You don't seriously expect me to tell him the truth with you standing right here, do you?"

"What the fuck does that matter??" I spat at her. "I know, and you know, so why does me being here change anything?"

"Because," she said, a little snobbishly. "It's my prerogative."

"You could have at least agreed that you were his friend," I snapped at her.

"What are we, six years old?" she responded. "Of course I'm his friend. He knows that."

"That's what he was just asking you!" I railed. "Go out there and tell him!"

Asuka was about to say something back when I heard Shinji calling out from the kitchen.

"We've been summoned," he was saying aloud. "I'm leaving."

I vaguely remembered hearing the phone in the house ring while Asuka and I had been arguing. Would they have called us in in that fashion, if the army was already mobilizing against NERV? Unlikely. So why were we being brought in?

"We'd better go," Asuka said, trying to distract me from our previous point of contention.

"This isn't over," I told her. "We'll finish this later."

 

We arrived at headquarters uneventfully, to my relief. No gun sentries were present, no security guards lying in a pool of their own blood, no snipers waiting to take our heads off.

We went into the change room and began getting dressed; mainly this was my lead, I guess, upon looking back on it now. I simply assumed we'd need our suits later, and Asuka was following me.

We were still arguing the finer points of Asuka and Shinji's relationship when we were ready to exit the change room and head out. The door to the corridor opened and before us stood Rei, in her school clothes.

"Oh! Miss Perfect, you're just in time," Asuka smirked.

"No," Rei said softly. "It is you who are just in time."

"What?" Asuka said, wearing a confused look again.

"I was the one who called for you," Rei said, turning to head toward the Cages. "There is something I must show you."

"What the--" Asuka began.

"Both of you," Rei said. "Follow me."

 

"Rei," I asked as we walked. "Please tell me the truth. Did Shinji see the dummy system last night?"

"I suspect so," she answered evenly. "I was not there. I believe Doctor Akagi and Major Katsuragi were."

"What?.. The dummy system?" Asuka echoed.

"May I tell her?" I asked Rei.

"If you wish," was the answer.

I turned to Asuka. "This is going to sound far-fetched, but way down below us, near Terminal Dogma, is a chamber with dozens--"

"Was," Rei corrected me. I could almost hear a tone of sadness in her voice.

I winced. "Was, a chamber with dozens of.. human bodies in it. I don't know if you'd call them clones, or replacements, or what, but they are.. were.. bodies for Rei. To keep her soul alive."

Asuka spat out a scoffing sound. "Pfah! Right. You were right, that does sound too over-the-top to believe."

"It is true," Rei said. "Commander Ikari was determined to see this day come."

"..All right, fine, then what does having backups of Miss Perfect have to do with anything?"

"Without me, he cannot complete Instrumentality."

I couldn't help but notice the desertedness of the corridors we were in. Was it Rei's doing, coincidence, or had the assault begun? I distracted myself from that by asking Rei, "What are you going to do?"

"I have not decided," she said simply.

"So I was right!" Asuka said in a surprised but victorious tone. "You are a puppet--"

Rei turned and stopped, and Asuka, following behind her, had to stop abruptly to avoid bumping into her. The two stared at one another for a moment, until Rei spoke.

"I cannot deny the role I have been forced to play in this," she said firmly, glaring at Asuka. "But, in the end, I am human, just like you."

"Liar! You don't show any emotion, you always do what you're told, you--"

"That is your perception," Rei said, turning around and walking again. "With luck, perceptions can change."

We were arriving at the cage for Nigouki.

"What are we doing here?" Asuka asked. "You want to see us off individually before you become a martyr or whatever it is you're doing?"

"I am empowering you with the ability to do what must be done," Rei said. "I can't stop what is about to happen here, but I can help you to see what's important in time for you to make a difference."

"Stop talking nonsense--"

"Asuka, listen to her," I cut my friend off. "I trust her. She knows what she's talking about."

Asuka whipped her head around to stare dumbfoundedly at me. "How the hell do you know?"

"I just do, Asuka," I said. "Rei is.. Just do what she says!"

Slightly less than half of Nigouki towered over us, the catwalk we'd been led to being just above the waist level. Rei said, "We are closest to its core at this point," as an explanation.

"So?" Asuka shot back.

"Haven't you ever wondered whose soul is in your Eva?" Rei asked, still devoid of emotion. Now I finally knew what was going on here.

"It doesn't matter, so long as it does the job it's supposed to," Asuka sniffed defiantly.

"You lie."

Asuka glared at Rei. "Say that again. I dare you to say that again, and, special or not, I'll knock you silly."

"Evangelion Unit 02 was configured specifically for you," Rei intoned. "It functions for no one else.. it protects no one else." Rei's eyes flashed, and the closest thing to an irritated, angry tone came from her lips. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Look, Miss Perfect, I don't have the slightest idea what you're--"

Rei grabbed Asuka's wrist and forced her gloved hand against the Eva. I think it was purely for show, more of a psychological maneuver than a necessary physical one.

"Asuka. Focus," Rei said softly. "Think about it. What does being in your Eva remind you of? What does its responses remind you of? Who does its responses remind you of?"

Asuka sighed heavily. "This is absolute lunacy," she began to say, but was cut off one more time by Rei.

"Don't you wonder why your mother changed? After her contact experiment with the Eva?"

I could see in Asuka's eyes that she wanted to go into a complete batshit rage on Rei for even mentioning Kyoko, but I could also see gears starting to turn. Of all of the Children, Asuka was probably the brightest, and despite her personality, her logical side was trying to point out the same thing Rei was saying.

"Un... un-unmöglich," Asuka whispered. "It's not possible."

Rei said nothing, but released her grip on Asuka's wrist. Asuka didn't move her hand from the Eva's armored surface.

"You can't be s-serious," Asuka said, trembling, as she looked up at the giant looming over her.

"You know it in your heart," Rei said, back to her soft, even tone. "And it is time that you accept it."

Asuka looked over at me, teary-eyed; I nodded, smiling slightly. It was the best I could do, considering I'd wanted to beat her with the clue bat for some time now, and hadn't figured out a way to do it. This, I figured, would do just fine.

Asuka turned to Rei at that point. "R-rei," she said. "I'm.. I.." She wore an apologetic look, one that seemed weighted with the hundreds of times she'd talked badly of the blue-haired girl in the months we'd been in Japan.

"I understand," Rei said, saving Asuka from having to say the word 'sorry'. Then she offered a faint smile. "Promise that you will put this knowledge to good use."

"I.." Asuka looked up at the Eva again, then back down to Rei, sniffling. "I'll do my best."

"As you always do," Rei acknowledged with a nod. She looked to me and was about to say something, when the warning sirens cut her off.

"Emergency! Emergency! This is a level one alert!" a voice boomed. "All personnel to battle stations!"

"B-battle stations?" Asuka said, looking around at the speakers, having never heard that term before within NERV.

"Shit. It's starting, isn't it, Rei?" I asked.

"I fear so," she said. "I must go. I want you to think of what's been said here."

"What's going on?!" Asuka demanded.

"The final battle, I think," I said. To Rei, I added, "Just keep yourself safe. And remember that you have friends here that want to see you again."

"I will keep that in mind," she said, calmly turning and walking away without any further words.

 

A few moments later, Asuka was boarding Nigouki, with a new perspective on things, and I had met up with a group of soldiers - good guys, mind you - sent specifically to find me. These weren't regular uniformed corps, or orange-jumpsuited techs; these were tactical team members, with body armor and heavy weaponry. There were at least eight of them, and they surrounded me as we hurried along.

I had been hastily put into a bullet-proof vest/jacket and a tactical helmet, both of which were several sizes beyond what would fit me. It was difficult to see where I was going with the helmet continually rolling forward and cutting off my vision, but I think if I'd tripped, the movement of the group as a whole would have kept me going anyway.

"Pigeon team to command," I heard over the radio earpiece built into the helmet. "Fourth secured." It must have been the leader of the group I was now with.

"Roger," I heard Misato say. "Take her to cage 5 and put her in the Eva." There was an argument in the background, during which time I'm fairly sure I heard someone say I wasn't cleared to pilot yet. "I don't care," Misato went on to the complainer. "Inside the Eva is the safest place for her at this point."

Oh, God, this is it, I realized, adjusting the flak jacket for the millionth time. I'm just taking Asuka's place.

"Roger," the squad commander said. Then, "All right, men, you heard the boss. Let's get moving!"

The mob of people surged ahead, and I with it; for several tense minutes, I held my breath, and hoped we'd make it safely. Right up to the last bend in the corridor before the terminus at cage 5, I figured we were home free.

"Contact!" someone reported over the comm link.

Fuck!

"Keep moving!" the squad commander ordered. Bursts of gunfire punctuated the air shortly thereafter, making me feel as if I had my head inside a snare drum. Luckily, most of it was directed outwards from my team.

The climb to the gantry leading to the entry plug was the longest three minutes of my life. We did it a landing at a time, scrambling hysterically up the metal stairs in between exchanges of gunfire. We also lost two protectors on the way.

"Get the fuck in there! Go!" the squad commander urged me, pushing me toward the edge of the thinning group, along the narrow catwalk leading to the open entry plug. Below, black-suited soldiers - likely JSSDF - were firing up at us, taking out the second-in-command while I watched.

"I won't forget this, sir," I told the squad commander, with an expression that I hoped conveyed my thanks.

"Thank us by stomping these bastards flat!" he said, giving me one last shove. I all but fell into the entry plug, gracelessly tumbling down through the open hatch and landing on the control panel. Once orienting myself, I shed the helmet and vest, and tossed them outside, commanding the hatch to close.

"--llian, can you hear me?" Misato's voice came to me once the plug was full of LCL and powered up. "Is she in yet? Can you tell?"

"I'm here, Major," I called out. "But I don't know what good I'll do--"

"You'll just have to try!" Misato snapped back. "Asuka's getting her ass kicked out there!"

Hopefully not by harpies, yet, I kept to myself. I still had the hope that I'd get back in the game with enough time to help her mop up that particular mess.

"I'll do my best," I told Misato.

The entry plug corkscrewed its way into the Eva. I'd noticed on the way up that the damage from the battle with Kaworu was still there; as recommended, efforts had been directed elsewhere in the intervening time.

It also occurred to me that Misato was the only voice I'd heard on the radio. I had a good idea of where the other command staff had ended up, but I didn't want to admit it. This was what I'd expected everything to boil down to, and I felt grossly unprepared.

San, I directed toward the Eva, if you can sense me, please, for God's sake, let's work through this together. I need you.

As I'd feared, there was no response.

"Unit 03! Enemy forces are surrounding you! You have to defend yourself!" Aoba urged.

I felt the locks disengage and free the Eva from its moorings, but I couldn't make it move. "It's no use!" I shrieked. "It's not working!"

Stinging pain in my right shin distracted me at that moment. The external views showed that an RPG had been fired at the Eva, possibly in the hopes of toppling it. All they'd managed to do is warp and scorch an armor plate.

"What track is that cage set for?" I heard Misato yell, obviously with her headset turned to VOX. "Good enough. Launch it! Now!"

Without any further warning, I was crushed into my seat by the familiar launching sequence. The attacking soldiers were left far behind in a matter of seconds, but their handiwork still haunted me; besides the pain in my leg, I could see at several junctions along the launch system smoke and flame issuing from accesses and apertures.

Then, with a gush and a sudden stop, the launch tube ended in a body of water. The Eva, being non-buoyant, slowly settled down to the bottom, tipping over on its back.

Of course. The lake. Now I'm really living out Asuka's role.

I wanted to curl up in a ball and wish everything away - not realizing how much like the fictional Asuka that would have been.

 

I listened in complete and utter frustration to Asuka and Misato on the comm link. Occasionally a burst of static would come from some group of soldiers, but they were squelched - quite literally - almost as soon as they called for help.

Shinji wasn't on the radio. I took that to mean that he hadn't reached his Eva. I just hoped he'd be safe, or else I'd consider the whole thing a failure. I wouldn't want to go on if Shinji - or anyone else - died. It was all unnecessary, as far as I saw it.

Rei, too, was nowhere to be found, but I expected that. The one-sided conversation bits I was hearing from Misato, as she spoke to the other command crews, led me to believe they had no idea where she was.

Try Terminal Dogma, same place as your boss, I wanted to say but didn't.

"Ach! These.. these schweinhunds!" Asuka railed. "They're firing rockets at me now! Where the hell are Shinji and Jill?!"

"Shinji's not in his Eva yet," Maya replied, "and Jill can't fight. K-keep on going, Asuka! You're doing great!"

"You didn't just get hit in the face with a missile! Get somebody out here now!"

"The Major has gone to get Shinji," Maya said. "Hang on!"

"Jill! You've gotta get your shit together!" Asuka hollered. "Even with--oof!" She was cut off for a moment while she dealt with something. "Eat this, arschloch! Jill! Even with Mama with me, it's still gonna be hard!"

Mama, I reflected. I wish it was that easy. No one had ever figured out why my Eva stopped responding to me, and everything I'd tried was ineffective. I had no more ideas, and no more chances.

Eventually, Asuka will fall - more than likely at the hands of the Mass Production units - and then they're going to come for me.

I'm going to be torn to pieces, literally, like a vulture's meal.

I worked so hard at all this for nothing.

I couldn't help it; I began to cry. When Asuka asked what was wrong, I realized I was broadcasting my sobs over the comm link, and reached out to slap the transmitter to 'off'. Then, my sorrow was only reverberating around inside the entry plug and all through me.

Something came to me at that moment, as Asuka and Maya continued to try to get me to answer, and I almost laughed at the irony of my thoughts. I didn't transmit, but instead just sang quietly to myself:

"F-fly me.. to the moon,

And let me p-play among the st-stars..

L-let me see what sp-spring is like

On Jupiter and M-m-mars.."

The absurdity of it got to me after that, and I just collapsed into a blubbering heap. I couldn't remember when I felt as bad as I did right then. Never before as Jack, and, as I thought about it, only once as Jillian. Once, in the mangled back seat of a car on the side of the 401..

I'm never going to leave you. I'll always be right here.

The thought caught me off guard. I remembered it vividly, now; the last words I'd heard my mother say before we were separated, transported to hospital from the wreck. But hadn't I heard it since then, too?

Always right here.

No.. not as words.. as a sensation.

Never going to leave you.

A sensation.. from the Eva?

I've always been right here.

I opened my eyes again and tried to sort out my confused thoughts.

I never left you.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

...M.. Mom?

There was a warm, comforting, encapsulating feeling that suddenly rushed in at me from everywhere.

The Eva twitched in the murky lake bed.

I'm right here.