Tonight I May Offer

By: Illia Sadri

Disclaimer: Evangelion belongs not to myself in name but rather to the animation production group known as Gainax and also as far as the American license it belongs to AD Vision. I make no profit from such stories.

Author Notes: I get tired of the Shinji and Kaoru post episode 24 rehash of angst. Or those who merely toss together the two males as a couple because they ate hot or whatever other reason exists. I don't intend on this to be seen as a coupling as really it is doomed before it has even a remote chance. However there are some very genuine moments where the two interact and I think Kaoru offers Shinji a chance to move on with his life and feel accepted. So I wanted to make not necessarily a happy fic as it is somewhat serious, but one that is actually optimistic and hopeful and most importantly in character.

Kaoru looked up at the ceiling of his barren apartment room, his crimson eyes reflecting off the sliver of the rising moon. He looked as a sharp shadow danced on the whitewashed plaster above him, forming a fearsome figure. Not much different from Eva Unit 01 in its structure, only missing the head.

After tonight that could be the image before him, or it could be the image of himself. It was painfully obvious, even as he looked at Shinji's heart open up before him, that a choice had to be made. Humans and Angels could not coexist. However, now the decision was not as black and white as he had suspected. He had found empathy and could offer the same in return.

The image of the decapitated Evangelion was dissolved gradually, fading back in with the rest of its surroundings. It was a bit of relief.

However, it was not long before a soft sob could be heard from the extra mattress beside him. Kaoru smiled as he merely observed his companion's suffering. He truly had remained an innocent despite by all accounts he was a serial murderer. "Shinji?" he finally asked softly.

The faint movement of shadow in the dim light showed the crying boy turning to the other, the outline of his hand reaching his damp eyes. "Sorry Kaoru, I didn't mean to wake you."

The fair haired boy smiled and sat himself up on his mattress, letting his thin blanket fall to his waist. "I don't mind." he said.

There was a slight pause where neither spoke. The moon crept out from the clouds that disguised it and the faint light crept again into the room, the light magnified where it reflected off silvery gray hair. The two boys merely stared at one another.

To Shinji to stare was enough as it was the first time someone had cared when he awoke in tears. He was the first one not to criticize him. Yet if he was happy why was it that he still felt that ache in his heart. He finally had a friend, a confidant and he would blow it by making it seem he did not want anyone near.

It was always his own fault when people left him.

"Do you regularly cry when you sleep?" Kaoru finally broke the silence, a thin, delicate hand reaching out to Shinji's and gently grasping it.

There was a moment of hesitation. He wanted to talk about everything but Shinji didn't know exactly why he wanted to pour out his heart to someone who he had just meant. "Sometimes." he answered.

"What was it that was hurting you?" Kaoru asked, a sincere tone to his voice. "I want you to tell me."

The room had gone dim again as the moon once again disappeared in the black clouds that loomed overhead. Shinji sat up, glad that his rising blush couldn't be seen. "I don't understand…" he began, attempting to keep his voice from cracking and his tears at bay. "Why is it that you care about me so much when everyone else around me seems to hate me. Why are you different from them? What do you see in me?"

"I don't see why anyone would hate you. However it is humanity's way I suppose to reject anything that is innocent. And you are very much still innocent. And you hurt because of what you endure."

Shinji shook his head at those words. It was a lie. There was more blood on his hands than Kaoru could ever imagine. People got hurt because of him piloting the Eva. "I'm nothing more than a murderer. You just don't know yet. Then you would hate me too."

"No. I will never hate you." was a soft reply. "I know what I see is true. And I meant what I said that I think I was indeed born to meet you." he loosened his hand from that of his companion and let it slide gracefully up to where it met dark hair.

Shinji was losing a battle with his tears as he felt a barrier break down. Somewhere he knew that he would not be hurt by him, his friend. In fact such tender gestures was more than he had been granted by anyone. How long he had wanted someone to touch him in a loving manner. "Kaoru."

Scarlet eyes flashed as the hand quickly moved away. "I'm sorry did I make you uncomfortable?" he asked, his eyes curious, as though trying to read the other boy's expression.

"N..No." Shinji quickly answered. "Actually it is kinda nice… someone holding me. I'm not used to it I guess. Nobody ever gives me that much attention. Not since mother… not since she died."

Kaoru rose to his feet slowly and Shinji's eyes followed his shadow as he walked a few steps and settled again, now behind Shinji. His arms came around his body and embraced him with the same gentleness with which he had held with his hand moments ago. Quickly Shinji tensed up and then let himself relax into the warm arms. It feels magnificent, this kind touch from another.

"Thank you." Shinji said, his voice emitting genuine joy, "This has been one of the best days of my life. Thank you so much."

He could bring Shinji joy tonight, and now Kaoru had decided that tomorrow he would give him salvation along with the remaining of his kind. He could see in Shinji that he was afraid to die while he held no such emotion. "I love you."

Those words seemed so foreign yet it had a nice sound to it. Shinji did not want that to end. He could live his life as ling as he knew someone who loved him. Now his life may have earned some meaning. "Just stay with me Kaoru. Please. Promise me that you won't die. I can't lose anyone else."

The slight smile on the angel's face fell as the harsh reality became even more potent. They could not be together, their races were incompatible. One would inevitably destroy the other. There was no exceptions. All he could offer was tonight. And that was fading as the sky was starting to lighten in the prelude to dawn. Tonight he offered and now it was fading away. He leaned his body, causing him and Shinji both to fall back down on the mattress. "Shhh…. Sleep Shinji. You need to rest. Everything will be okay."

Shinji's breathing became steady as he drifted to sleep as the sun rose. Brilliant eyes looked over him compassionately. He wished he could answer his promise. But he could not lie, nor could he give such great pain to him. He couldn't hurt him like that, not while he laid asleep or when he was being held in such an unknown affection.

Eventually he rose, careful not to awaken Shinji as he slipped his arm from beneath him. He had to leave before he awoke. Because the next time they would see one another they would be allies. If possible it was best for both their sakes that they did not have to contemplate their destinies.

"Goodbye Shinji." he whispered as he opened the door. "I'll see you soon, just please don't think twice about killing me."