Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Untitled, unfinished EVA fic ❯ Unfinished continuation ep. 25 ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Neon Genesis Evangelion and its characters are all © Gainax.
Any mention of trademarks, including but not limited to SEELE, NERV, and Dr. Pepper, or references to other things that I don’t own, are not challenges of ownership of said trademarks.
Also, I do not claim to own any of the songs and/or quotes mentioned in this fic. I have attempted to give credit where credit is due. However, it would be exhaustive to list every resource I accessed and who exactly wrote what.
Suing me would be a waste of time anyways, I have no money. :P
This body of work is © thelastsephiroth@yahoo.com.
Oh yeah, and Tom Dyron is © Tom Dyron. I am using this character without permission from the original Tom Dyron, as I have been unable to contact him.

Genesis 25
“Rewriting the story”

<”Resident Evil” by Marilyn Manson>

Asuka was in the hospital, comatose. The few times she was lucid enough to talk, her speech was erratic and childlike. Occasionally her hands drifted up to her chest, as if she were clutching a stuffed animal close to her. None of these were exactly signs of piloting material. Even if she were miraculously able to sync with Unit 02 in this state, she was useless as a pilot; unable to follow orders and without any cognitive skills.
Utterly useless.
Kaworu, who had been sent to replace her as Unit 02’s pilot, was somewhat indisposed. The boy had turned out to be no less than the 17th Angel. After descending into Terminal Dogma in search of Adam, the Angel had discovered instead the “LCL Plant” and was cornered by Unit 01. After a long and tense battle, Kaworu was defeated. His body had turned into LCL and dissolved, curiously enough, instead of exploding or remaining solid like the other Angels. Still, the fact that he was an Angel and, of course, dead, made him out of the question.
Shinji couldn’t pilot the thing. Unit 02’s core would reject him. Same thing for Rei. The fact that Asuka her self wasn’t particularly friendly would complicate it too. On top of that, the Eva in question was still regenerating from its battle with Unit 01. And even if they were miraculously both operational, Gendo thought, two Eva’s were definitely not going to be enough for the next wave of Angels. Taking into account that Unit 00 was obliterated, and that Shinji was, well, Shinji, there were essentially no Eva’s at NERV’s disposal. He had to have backup, at least until Unit 02 regenerated.
The old men were definitely not going to like this. Money-grubbing old fools, Gendo thought to himself. The world may end soon, and all they can think about are their own assets. Gendo smiled to himself. Not like he was exactly an altruist anyway. Still, like it or not, the old men of SEELE were going to have to fork over for a new Eva.
Gendo sat at his desk in his personal office and pulled up the latest reports on the new, mass-produced Eva’s. Unit 05 was completed but still undergoing tests in America. Unit 06 was also completed and being held at NERV Germany. Units 7-13 were still undergoing construction at three different plants: NERV China, NERV Germany, and NERV US. All Eva’s after Unit 13 were only in the planning stages. That would need to be taken care of. The Angels had been coming one at a time so far, but if they ever grouped up, the world would possibly need all the Eva series in one place.
And they probably would group up too, for all Gendo knew. SEELE no doubt knew just what would happen, but didn’t want anyone else to get ambitious about it. If Gendo knew what they knew, the old men would be more than a little surprised at just what Gendo could do if he put his mind to it. Others knew just how unnervingly cunning the Commander of NERV could be, and maybe one day the old men of the committee would too. But for now, it was all business.
Gendo closed the files he had open and began to write an encrypted email that would be sent to a member of the so-called Marduk organization, which would then somehow reach the committee. The paranoid old men of SEELE didn’t take a single chance with their lives or with their information, both of which seemed to be on an equal level with the old fools. Gendo knew it would take a while for his request to reach the old men, if they wanted to even talk at all. After sending NERV the 17th Angel in the guise of the Fifth Child, what side SEELE was on was anyone’s guess. But wasn’t that always the case? Nevertheless, even if they wanted to listen, Gendo would have to wait at least a day or two for his request to go through an undeterminable string of front-men before actually reaching Keel and the committee.
After sending off his request, Gendo walked down to the holding chamber that housed Unit 01. Taking off his right glove, he stared up at the creature, almost as if it could see him in its cold sleep.
“The old men wanted to rewrite the story; to accelerate the ending to suit their desires. However, it seems they did not anticipate writing themselves into a corner. Their story will have to continue in a new direction, with other authors, and characters out of their control. They will have to learn that man should never try to rework the story that God penned first.”

<”World of Ruin” (Piano Version) by Nobuo Uematsu>

Meanwhile, Shinji Ikari lay on the futon in his room. A sad, simple piano tune droned out of the headphones on his SDAT player as the Third Child stared at the ceiling. This was how he had lived the last couple of days, doing only the minimum he needed to stay alive. But that was all he had ever done, he supposed. He lived simply for its own sake, doing just what he needed to do to avoid complete physical atrophy. Even his cello lay dormant in the corner of his room, untouched for weeks.
The tape stopped. Shinji hit the rewind out of reflex, unsure of how many times he had listened to this tape, unsure if he even cared. Shinji was tired of this song. The sound of it rewinding was becoming like another song to him, holding as much value as any of the tracks on the tape; it was just another continuous sound, something that kept his cycle from being broken. Yet, he couldn’t change the tape, only rewind it and listen over and over again. If he got up and changed the songs to anything upbeat, he would be reminded of Kaworu.
The Angel had said he loved Shinji. Loved him. Not even Shinji’s own father said that. Not Rei, not Asuka, not even Misato, who was almost a surrogate mother to him. Love.
Friend.
Meaning.
Life.
Snippets of Kaworu’s conversations, words the Angel had spoken, flashed in the depths of Shinji’s head. The only person that had ever loved Shinji had been killed by his own hands. Kaworu’s last words, telling Shinji of how the Angel’s life only had meaning because of the Third Child, spoken just before he splattered Kaworu’s fragile body over the lake of LCL. The only person who had ever loved him had died, and it was his own fault…and NERV’s fault, and Gendo’s fault, the fault of something beyond description, the fault of the universe for the fact that the Angels came and its fault again for creating humans to be there to fight them.
Shinji hated Gendo. He hated NERV. He hated even the Evangelions. He thought he had found purpose in piloting Eva and saving the world. All purpose was lost when he realized that the war machines took away what he wanted most: love. His father never loved him; Gendo threw away his son to spend time creating the Eva’s. The only being to ever express any love for Shinji had been destroyed at the hands of Shinji’s own Eva.
So here he lay, listening to the same tape over and over again. What did he even exist for? He hated Eva. He hated his father. Misato, Asuka, everyone else whose affection he had ever desired was too caught up in their own problems to pay any attention to him. All his friends from school had evacuated from the city after the destruction caused by the 14th Angel.
There was nothing Shinji lived for any more. He had once thought of killing himself, lying in the tub in Misato’s apartment. It wasn’t like anyone would miss him. Yet he couldn’t. He was too afraid to break the cycle. He had nothing to live for and nothing to die for either. Maybe this is what Kaworu meant when he said life and death were equal to him, Shinji though. The track stopped rewinding. Shinji pressed play without consciously moving his fingers, and stared at the ceiling.
“They’re equal to me too”, he muttered.

<”God Moving Over The Face Of The Waters” by Moby>

“I’ve been here before”, Rei said to no one in particular. She held one of the used bandages that had come unwrapped from her left arm. Most of the old bandages had come off, revealing no wounds beneath them. Do I really heal this fast, she wondered to herself. No, I know that’s a lie. These bandages exist to hide the fact that there is no need for them. The only reason they are needed is to hide the fact that they are not needed. Interesting…
“Why do I remember this?”
“How do I remember this?”
“Who am I?”

“I am Rei Ayanami, that is what it says on my ID. It says I work for NERV. What is NERV?”
“Why am I wearing these clothes, this uniform?”
“What am I doing here?”
She knew she had seen this before, somewhere, yet she could not remember anything earlier than waking up in the hospital a few days ago. After that, the only memory of importance was that of the last Angel. He had said he was just like her, or something to that effect. Or had he? Was he just a figment of her imagination? She didn’t know.
“It’s as if I were born that day, when I woke up in the hospital.”
But that was silly; people are born small and then grow over the years to become this size and gain this mindset.
“Did I simply forget everything?”
Impossible. She knew how to speak and write and put on her uniform. She was not a baby, nor had she regressed to one. She also had faint memories, a continuing sense of déjà vu. She somehow knew instinctively where to go in the morning, like a subconscious calling led her to NERV.
“Why? What is at NERV…?”
Ikari.
“Ikari…who is that?”
Smile.
Sacrifice.
Burn.
Love.
FATHERBROTHERSON…
Her thoughts were like a song with parts played by musicians of different styles, with the clashing sounds coming together only occasionally at certain places to form coherent pieces.
Ikari was good. Ikari told her what to do. Ikari gave her something…Ikari gave part of Ikari to her…
Ikari was…
“The Commander…Commander Ikari.”
That was Ikari. Ikari told her what she must do. Ikari was the collection of thoughts that gave her purpose and directed her.
Ikari was father.
No.
Wait.
Ikari also took directions. Ikari was beside her. Ikari was…equal?
No.
Not equal.
But not above her. The words did not exist to describe him. He was like her, like an ally. A teammate. Ikari….
BURNSCREAMGLASSESSMILE
“Ayanami!”
Someone’s voice, no, maybe more than one voice screamed her name in the recesses of her latent memories. Ikari…needed her?
YESNOINDESCRIBABLE
Ikari was the part of her that was not Rei Ayanami.
Ikari was brother.
No.
Not exactly.
He was, yet he was not.
What was Ikari?
Ikari was part her. Rei was part Ikari. Yet they were not identical. They were not physically joined. Ikari was part of her, was of her. Ikari was purpose, what Rei existed for.
Ikari was son.
No.
No, more than that.
Ikari…lay on top of her, his eyes wide. Rei had undressed. She couldn’t remember if Ikari had or not. Yes, it made sense. Ikari was part her. Were they both one and the same? Were Rei and Ikari joined?
Ikari was husband; Ikari was lover.
No.
That was still not it.
“I exist…because of Ikari. I am given purpose by Ikari. I…”
SEARINGLIGHTSHIELDSACRIFICE
“…am equivalent with Ikari, yet afraid to lose him.”
SCREAMINGBURNGLASSESCRACKTURNHANDLELIGHTLIQUIDSMILE
“Ikari is part of me that desires my existence and I desire Ikari’s.”
“Ikari…”
…is beyond a single being, beyond a single role
…is sacrifice
…is pain
…is joy
…is happiness
…is purpose
…is EVERYTHING THAT MATTERS

“Ikari…”

“…is life.”

Yes.

Rei slowly lifted the bandage and dropped it in the trash can. She then began slowly picking everything up off the floor, cleaning the room bit by bit. Every piece of old junk mail, all the used bandages, old clothes that had no use, all of them disappeared. These things were extraneous. It made sense to do this. Just as going to NERV made sense. Ikari had done this before, she realized. Ikari was indeed life.
After Rei had cleaned everything up off the floor, she turned to her drawers and the tray on a cart across from her bed. She threw away everything that did not belong, anything unnecessary. Finally, she came to a pair of broken glasses in a case on the far dresser. These had been Ikari’s. But they were not anymore. She did not need them.
It is not Ikari. It is just an object. I no longer need it. It is not life, just a reminder that distracts me from the real life in front of me, Rei realized as she carried it to the trash. The glasses shattered the rest of the way as she dumped them in with the other miscellaneous items in the trash can. Rei walked outside to the dumpster and tossed the bag in before she walked on past her apartment building. She realized as she walked that this way would take her to Ikari. She knew it the same way she knew how to tie a shoe or go to NERV. It would be bizarre not to know instinctively. After all, Ikari was life. And it would be bizarre not to know how to live.

<”Battleship Grey” by Sarah McLachlan>

The sun had already begun to set as Misato sat at her desk with her head low near the telephone. The last couple of days, as Shinji lay silent in his room, she had listened over and over again to the only message on her phone. Other than repeating her only message on the machine, her phone never rang. She didn’t even want it to, which had something to do with the fact that she kept the machine busy with the repetition of Kaji’s last message to her. She didn’t want to talk to anyone who would possibly call her now anyway.
Misato was disturbed at how she was becoming more and more like the child entrusted to her. When Shinji had first come to Tokyo-3, the Major of NERV’s tactical division had taken him into her own apartment in an attempt to open him up. Misato had a skill when it came to lightening others up, or so she had thought. However, in the end, it had turned out that Shinji’s policy of distancing oneself from the rest of the world had rubbed off on her.
It was like all of fate had conspired to create a situation in which Misato’s formerly family-like group could not talk to each other anymore. Asuka was in a veritable coma, only waking for brief moments to babble incoherently or cry on occasion. Rei had been “reset” as Ritsuko had once put it. Her memory would again be incomplete and fuzzy, just like Rei II. And any emotional openness she might have gained from her time together with the other pilots might well be lost, making her little more than a drone again.
Kensuke and Toji, Shinji’s two friends from school, had evacuated temporarily to Kyoto, along with most of the civilian population of Tokyo-3. After the last few Angel attacks, it was clear that the city was little more than a battleground for Eva’s and Angels. Hikari, Asuka’s friend and the class representative, was still missing. She was presumed dead since her house, the last place she was seen, had been completely demolished.
And Shinji was Shinji. Only, he was not the Shinji Misato had come to know and love. Shinji had regressed to a point beyond the low he had been at when she first met him. The death of the last Angel hat hit him pretty hard. Shinji had said something about the Angel betraying him, and about loving him. All that strangeness was bound to be what was dragging Shinji down. He had killed the only one who ever…
Misato squeezed her eyes shut against the tears that threatened to fall from the corners of her vision. She too was guilty of the crime that Shinji had committed, albeit with the victim being someone else. Like Shinji, she had simply been doing her duty. Thinking that didn’t help however, as she still felt that if only she had acted differently, Kaji would still be alive. If only she had told him to stop digging into things…no that would never have worked. Telling Kaji to stop something meant that he would just try twice as hard. Stupid, stubborn, and cocky to the end…

************************************************************************

<”Died In Your Arms Tonight” by Air Supply>

“You’re late”, Kaji said with a grin on his face.
The NERV-issue 9mm in her hands recoiled with a loud unsilenced blast, dropping Kaji to the ground. He rose back to his knees, coughing up blood form the wound in his chest.
“Itai”, he whispered, “that hurts.”
Misato walked closer into the light of the streetlamp and pointed the gun at Kaji’s forehead.
“But I guess it’s OK”, he muttered, looking into her eyes as she tried not to crack right then and there.
“As long as it’s you.”
Misato’s gun shook, and she tried to recompose herself and work up the strength for the killing blow; she then realized that her first shot was the killing blow, as Kaji fell lifelessly to the ground. Misato dropped the gun and walked slowly to Kaji’s side. She checked his pulse: he was gone. Misato fell down and hugged Kaji’s chest, crying softly. “Idiot”, she whispered, not sure if she meant him or herself.
She eventually stifled her tears and composed herself, or at least as composed as she got these days. She picked up her gun and tucked it back into her uniform and turned away from the scene of the crime. Then, she stopped and looked over her shoulder one last time. Kaji still had a faint grin on his face. Cocky and carefree even in death; how very like Kaji. “Idiot”, Misato said one last time to him before walking away from Kaji’s body and away from the trouble he had always caused…

************************************************************************

Or so she had thought. Now, despite the fact he was long dead, Kaji still came back to haunt her mind. Over and over, his apparition crept into her dreams and accused her of his death. If only this, if only that, if only she had acted differently. She could have run away with him, run away to a place where there was no NERV, no SEELE, no JSSDF, no one who would have wanted him taken out. Why hadn’t she done that, the Kaji in her mind asked as she drifted off to sleep on her desktop.

************************************************************************

“Why didn’t you try something else? Didn’t you feel for me? You only used me and threw me away when I threatened to uncover the truth!”, the Kaji in her mind yelled.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do and I didn’t know then, either!”, she cried back.

“You hated me and used me!”

“That’s not true! I…”

“Shot me because you loved me? That’s some great logic, Misato. You always hurt the people you try to love.”

“Shut up!”

“You used me to comfort you at night, and you used Shinji to comfort you in the day! You never had a real family, so you think you’ll just create one out of people without thinking of their benefit? How fitting for a daughter of Katsuragi.”

“Shut up! Shut up! Idiot!”

“Who’s the real idiot? Me for looking for the truth or you for lying to yourself even as you killed me for it?”

Suddenly, a voice spoke from behind Misato.
“Neither of you. It was me.”

Misato knew that voice. It scared her too much to turn around and see the source of it.

“Don’t be scared, Misato. I don’t bite…unless you want me too.”

Misato could almost hear the idiotic grin on his face.

“I’m sorry, Misato, but I’m afraid I can’t let you can’t keep the blame all to yourself. It’s mostly mine, anyway.”

“Be quiet!”, screamed the Kaji of her mind. “You were too stupid to know what you were doing! You can’t be responsible, but she was! It’s her fault and she knows it!”

The real voice of Kaji that appeared behind Misato now stood by her side.
“Who, me, not responsible?”, he laughed. “Why, I think if you look at my track record you’ll find I’m very responsible. Not just any idiot can fool NERV, SEELE, and the JSSDF all at once!”

“You…you’re just lucky!”, the other Kaji spat. “And besides, even if it’s your fault for digging into other people’s business, she still had the chance to save you! Don’t you blame her for it?!”

“Not really.”

“She killed you!”

“I killed myself.”

“It was her finger on the trigger!”

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Well, maybe if she had let me tend to the melons first, if you know what I mean, and then killed me, I’d have it that way too.”

“Stop being so cocky! Stop making jokes! Stop…!”

“Being myself? Not likely. You see, if I am not myself, then what am I? If all I am is what is convenient, then I am no longer Kaji. In fact, I would be dead, philosophically speaking. She knew that. She knew exactly what I would do if she told me to stop seeking the truth. If she told me that, I would have laughed and gone on ahead. And you know that too.”

“Shut up! She had the choice whether to kill you or not!”

“No. She was doing her duty. She knows that I know that she would follow orders like that, and that I probably knew how this would turn out. She also knows,” Kaji said as he put his arm around her, ”that I wouldn’t want her to blame herself. She’s just not as pretty when she’s depressed.”
Kaji walked in between her and the apparition of Kaji her mind had dreamed up so often to berate her for her crimes. He held her close and whispered in her ear.
“I knew what would happen. I am sorry I forced you into this situation. I am sorry that you have these visions. But be honest with yourself; that’s not me over there and you know it.”

The other Kaji screamed, ”No, don’t listen! No no no no noooo! Stop that! She’s not going to listen!”

Kaji looked straight into Misato’s eyes and said, ”Even though you say you had the choice, you know that you were never really given one. And just like that, I’m not really giving you one now. You can say you don’t have to listen, but just like back then, I’m going to do what I want to do, just like you know I always have.”

The Kaji Misato’s mind had conjured shied farther back into the shadows of her mind. Its voice changed, becoming less like Kaji’s voice. Yet, Misato knew this new voice as well. It was her own.

“I…I…”

“Did what was asked of you as your duty, and what was forced upon you by me.”

“I…I…never wanted to hurt you”, the Kaji with Misato’s voice spoke meekly as it fell to its knees and cried.

Kaji hugged Misato close and spoke the only serious words she had ever heard from him aside from the message on her machine.
“It’s OK. Sometimes you may hurt people. But some people are OK with being hurt, as long as it’s you.”

“Why?”

“Because they trust you. I even trusted you to come to kill me that day. And I was OK with that. If I hadn’t died, then you would have, and I would die later anyway once they tracked me down. I am more than happy to die at your hands. Now I want you to go and live for me.”

“How…how do I do that?”

“Simple. I’m just right here beside you. Just remember my cute lil face and know I’m here with you.”

The Kaji with Misato’s voice was gone now. All that remained was a puddle of tears that faded way.

.