Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Witness ❯ Chapter 1

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Adam Kadmon
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.
Warning: rated NC-17 for graphic sexuality, harsh language and violence.
“Good job everyone. That's it for today's tests.”
Dr. Akagi stood in a relaxed posture by Maya's station overlooking the cages, the three pilots assembled before her. She marked off on her clipboard the scores from the most recent synch test, glancing up at each pilot as she did.
“Good job, Asuka. Your score is still number one. Rei, Shinji-kun, you better get to it. We don't know when the next Angel will attack.”
Rei nodded. Shinji followed suit. Misato yawned.
“Well, if you don't have any more use for me,” she said, stretching, “I'll be on my way. Asuka, Shinji-kun, I'll be in the lounge. Find me when you're ready to go home.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Asuka said, placing her hands on her hips. “We'll be there soon enough. That is if baka here doesn't take a million years like last time.”
“Ah, sorry, Asuka.”
“What the hell takes you so long, anyway? I'm a girl and I still beat you every time.”
Shinji glanced at his feet.
“I just like to make sure I get all the LCL out of my hair.”
“What kind of lame excuse is that? I have way more hair than you. Try again.”
“Leave him be,” Ritsuko said, smiling. “If he doesn't want to say, there's no use in trying to make him.”
“Yeah,” Misato said, drawing Shinji into a hug. “Leave my poor little Shin-chan alone, you big meany.”
“God, everybody always babies him. I swear.”
“May we leave yet?” Rei asked.
“Hmm? Oh, sure. Go ahead.” Ritsuko waved her away.
“Sorry, Ayanami.” She gave no indication she heard him. Shinji sighed. He was about to follow her to the lockers when Ritsuko called him back. He cringed, and clenched his fists.
“Aw, what's wrong, baka? Screw something else up?”
“Pro-probably,” he replied, scratching behind his head.
“Geez, have a little self respect.”
“There, there, that's just his way.” Misato headed out with the other techs. “Hurry up, okay, kids? I'm starving.”
“You could stand to lose a couple pounds, anyway,” the redhead murmured. Asuka waited at the door for Shinji, not out of anything as foolish as camaraderie or friendship, oh no. It was simply to avoid walking the halls of NERV alone. It could be dangerous for a nubile young beauty like her. Who knew what nefarious perverts roamed these subterranean catacombs, looking for a grope or a kiss. At least with Shinji, she knew he what he was about, and could properly chastise him for his hentai ways. The fact that she still hadn't memorized the way to the locker rooms had nothing to do with it.
She watched as Ritsuko spoke to him in hushed tones, clearly in the middle of some great and important speech.
Probably about his lagging synch scores, Asuka thought. Dumb little pervert. There's no way he could ever match me, so why bother trying? I'm the only pilot they really need. She smiled. Maybe they could give him a job as a janitor, or a cook. That's the only thing he's good for, after all.
Ritsuko caught sight of Asuka in the doorway and abruptly stopped talking to Shinji. She bit her lip and frowned. She waved to Asuka, wearing a fake smile. It was returned in kind.
“Creepy science lady,” Asuka muttered. She watched her give Shinji a pat on the back as she left.
“Good day, Asuka.”
“Good day, Dr. Akagi.” Weird.
Her housemate looked drained as he took up next to her. He waited a moment, then spoke.
“Um, shouldn't we get going?”
“What do you mean? I wait patiently for your sorry behind while you and blondie have a friendly chat, and this is how you repay me?”
“Sorry, Asuka. Thank you for waiting.”
She turned away, disgusted. He trailed after her.
“What did she want, anyway?” Asuka asked.
“Huh? Oh, um, nothing much. She just wanted to say my scores aren't where they should be. That's all.”
“Oh. How boring. I don't see why you should get special treatment. She'd better not be secretly coaching you or anything. Like, giving you pointers on piloting.”
“No, she isn't.”
Asuka blew her bangs out of her eyes.
“Good. Because if she was, you'd better tell me. If you know what's good for—Hey. Why'd you stop?”
“Um, the lockers are that way, Asuka.”
She colored.
“I knew that! I was just testing you. You need all the help you can get.” She sped past him, leaving him to sigh and slump his shoulders.
“Of course I do.”
Asuka changed and showered in peace, Rei having finished before she arrived.
Just as well. I hate sharing a locker room with that loser.
She shut her locker with a slam, and made her way back out into the hall.
“Now where's the boy's room?”
She wandered down the corridor, intent on releasing her frustrations on a certain blue-eyed pilot. Three hours in an entry plug sitting absolutely still was enough to piss anyone off. Even Asuka.
“Except wondergirl and baka. It's like they enjoy it or something.”
She finally spied the boy's locker. She took a post on a bench outside, assured that Shinji would never leave without her.
It was almost flattering.
She was nearly drifting off, still cursing his lazy behind, when she heard a peculiar sound from with the boy's room. It made her sit up straight. She strained to hear it again, leaning against the door. It sounded almost like a—
A moan.
Asuka drew back, as if burned.
What the hell? What the hell is he doing in—
A pit of ice formed in her stomach, and she felt nauseas. There's no way… absolutely no way he'd be…you know, in there. Even he wasn't that perverted. Of course, this was the same notorious baka hentai that had tried to kiss her in her sleep, and had caught glimpses of her lithe body any number of times, accidental or not.
“Ah, ahh…”
Asuka winced. She should just walk away. There was no way she was going to go in there and confront his perverted ways. No way. Best to forget this ever happened and meet up with Misato.
She opened the door.
What am I doing!? This isn't like me at all! Asuka crept around a corner of lockers, tip toeing and holding her breath. Somewhere in the spacious, sterile room a strange, wet smacking sound could be heard. Oh, God. He really is, isn't he? She leaned to her side, peering around a final wall. A kind of morbid curiosity took hold of her, and she was compelled to see. To forever burn the terrible image onto the backs of her retinas. To punish herself for ever associating with him.
This is my castigation, she thought. A fitting punishment, considering who it is. She told herself the warmth in her cheeks was simply due to the threat of being caught. So she made sure to slow herself as he came into view. First his feet, scuffing the floor, up his thin legs to—
There he was, sitting on a bench, buck naked, stroking his hard on. His head was down, his eyes were closed, and his free hand was clawing at his seat.
“Ahh…. I'm, I'm close.”
Jesus fucking tap-dancing Christ! I can't believe he's actually… actually…
Asuka watched with her mouth agape, eyes unable to tear themselves off his form. She took in every inch. The way he bucked forward every so often, or how he sucked in his breath through his teeth, or the subtle line of sweat on his upper lip, or how fast he pumped himself, or how wet the tip of his—
She pinched herself. This was not a dream. This was not some terrible, obscene nightmare. This was really happening.
Holy shit.
He lurched forward suddenly and spilled his seed over the floor in a few long spurts. Shinji gasped for breath, and continued to stroke himself for a few moments. He gradually calmed down, his member sagging and deflating, along with the rest of his body.
He looked like a marionette without any strings.
Asuka decided now was a damn good time to leave. As she was stealthily making her way out someone spoke.
“Good boy. That'll be all today.”
She froze. Someone else was in here? Watching him? She ducked inside an open locker as she heard the approach of footsteps. She peered through the vents, biting her lip. Who the hell else was in here?
A form passed her, wearing a small smile, humming a tuneless song.
“Dr. Akagi?” Asuka breathed. Holy shit.
Just as she was putting it together, as her mind placed the pieces of this tawdry and just plain wrong scenario, she heard quiet weeping.
Asuka listened to Shinji cry a wall away, short, strangled sobs that echoed in the spacious room. She could clearly picture him, naked, covered in sweat, curled up into himself, trying not to cry even though he thought he was alone. She lost track of time, waiting, for what she did not know, listening to him sob, standing halfway in a boy's locker.
He sniffled, and she heard him start to dress. She was frozen to the spot. An Angel would be hard pressed to move her. He shut his locker and walked by her. She saw how exhausted he looked. Like crying had taken the last of his resolve.
“At least she only wanted to watch today,” he said, drying his eyes. He left, still wiping his nose.
Asuka slumped to the floor. She felt very, very cold.
“Where were you?”
Misato and Shinji were sitting in the lounge, two empty cups between them. Misato looked indignant, but Shinji merely seemed curious, if not a little worried.
“I told you I was hungry,” the major growled. “What the hell took so long?”
Asuka stared at Shinji. He colored and shifted under her gaze.
“It was bad enough waiting for Shinji, but you're usually quicker than that. Hey!” Misato waved a hand in front of Asuka. “Stare at him later. I want an explanation.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I didn't want to be in the same room as the First.”
Shinji relaxed. Misato scoffed.
“That's all? Geez. For that, you're paying for dinner tonight.”
“Sure,” Asuka said, not really looking at either of them.
“Now listen, I—what, really? Um, great. Let's go.”
They made their way to the parking garage, Asuka keeping her distance from both of them. She watched with detached interest as Misato flirted with Shinji, ruffling his hair and draping an arm around him. He blushed and tried to escape, telling her to act her age. Misato laughed.
“Can I help it if you're so cute? Age be damned.”
They reached the Renault. Misato slipped into the driver's seat, waiting for her charges to pick up the pace. Shinji stood by the passenger side door, holding it open.
“Do you want the front, Asuka?”
She blinked.
“No. You take it.”
“Are you sure?”
“I said take it.”
She climbed in the back. Shinji shrugged, sitting next to Misato.
“Well,” she said. “This is a pleasant change up. You feeling okay, Asuka?”
“I'm just tired.”
“Don't forget you agreed to pay for dinner.”
Asuka threw her wallet at her guardian. She crossed her arms with an angry sigh.
“Whatever. I'm not hungry.”
Misato backed off. Is it her period already?
“Well, Shin-chan, where do you want to eat? Pick someplace real fancy.”
“Um… how about that ramen stand we ate at a couple weeks ago?”
The major balked.
“Oh, come on! Stop trying to be nice to Asuka.”
He protested, and Misato finally agreed, after forcing Shinji to consent to try and be more aggressive in the future. She fully expected Asuka to laugh at the prospect of a forceful Shinji, but received nothing but silence from the backseat.
They arrived at the stand as the streetlights turned on. Like last time, they were the only patrons, and were glad for the peace and quiet. A strange sense of nostalgia worked on them.
“We should have invited Ayanami,” Shinji said.
“Yeah. We could next time. I should invite Ritsu too. She needs a break from the lab, you know?”
Asuka watched them eat. She watched him eat. He smiled and made small talk with Misato, fetched her extra beers, acting fine. He acted like nothing had happened to him. Like it was all okay. She almost believed him for a moment. She almost believed he enjoyed jerking himself off while an old woman watched. She felt disgusted with him.
She felt disgusted with herself.
The next synch test wasn't scheduled for another week, and Asuka used the time to observe Shinji. Not that she wanted to, but she felt she needed the truth to give her closure. Which side of him was real?
NERV and all that went on inside it became distant realities for her in that week. The scene she had witnessed seemed too outrageous, too sick to be real. As each day passed the memory faded a little bit more, like an unpleasant dream or dark fantasy. She had almost convinced herself that it was all a bad delusion, something brought on by too much time in the plug.
But every time Shinji's face showed even the minutest sign of sadness she was forcibly reminded of his tears and humiliation. And the very real possibility that this had been going on since before she arrived in Japan.
The next synch test reared its ugly head and Asuka began to panic. Though she hid it well, she had closely monitored Shinji and his activities during the seven days, subtly dropping hints that he shouldn't leave the apartment or go out for any reason other than school, where she could keep an eye on him. Had any contact between the doctor and Shinji occurred, she had missed it. Granted, she wasn't a spy like Kaji, and she didn't really care about Shinji the way Misato did, but she prided herself on her abilities in any situation she was set in, no matter the cause or reason. Her natural greatness had seen her through to this point, and they would continue to serve her.
She just had to figure out what to do next.
Asuka headed to NERV with her roommates, the Renault speeding along the narrow roads that led to the Geofront. Asuka took the backseat again, unable to face either Shinji or Misato. They didn't complain.
The car elevator lurched to a halt and deposited its passengers. Misato checked her watch.
“Oops. We still have some time before the test. I guess you two are on your own until then.”
Shinji flinched.
“Um, could I stick with you, Misato-san?”
The major looked at him.
“Uh, sure, I guess. I have to do some paperwork, so it'll probably be pretty boring for you, just sitting in my office.”
“I don't mind.”
“Well, okay. It'll be nice to have some company.” She glanced over at her other charge. “You want to come too?”
Asuka stared at Shinji.
“Suit yourself. Just remember to be on time.” Misato started walking away, tugging Shinji along with her. When they were a safe distance from the redhead, Misato nudged the young boy beside her. “Did you and Asuka have a fight or something?”
“N-no. But she's been a little off since the last synch test.”
“I don't know why. She's still number one.”
Asuka watched them depart, a sense of dread slowly enveloping her. She waited until they were out of sight before starting on her way, intent on solving this problem once and for all.
She reached Kaji's office, not bothering to put on her sweet façade for his benefit. This was business.
“Kaji-san?” she called through the door. His voice answered her a breath later, inviting her in.
“Asuka. Don't you have a test now?”
“It can wait. We need to talk.”
The spy drew back, not expecting such a serious demeanor.
“Well, okay. Let's talk.”
Shinji was a guy. Kaji was a guy. Asuka reasoned the two must have some connection, no matter how distasteful she found it to be. The roguish unshaved man was sure to hold some important truths that she had missed in her exhaustive study of Ikari Shinji.
“Kaji-san…” Asuka bit her lip, unsure how to broach the topic. She shook her head. All this beating around the bush wasn't her at all. “Kaji-san, it's about Shinji. I think he's involved with someone.”
“Involved?” he asked, not believing it.
“With a woman. Er, a girl.”
“Really? I'm glad to hear it.” He noticed Asuka's expression, as if someone had run over her puppy. “But you're not happy with this, I take it.”
“I just don't think it's… healthy. Like they're moving too fast.” Far be it for Asuka to disapprove of a difference in age when love was concerned. A measly fifteen years was nothing for her, but Shinji was far less mature than she was. She couldn't help but feel it was wrong.
Kaji shrugged.
“Times change. I personally can't condone fourteen year olds having sex or anything, but I trust Shinji-kun to make a responsible decision.”
“How about you?” Asuka asked. “How young were you when you first started dating?”
“Actually, I was older. My teen years were a little hectic.”
“But you trust him to make the right decision?”
Kaji was about to affirm his earlier position, but stopped.
“What's this about, Asuka? You're not jealous, are you?”
“Then what?”
“This girl is… a little older than he is.” She struggled to voice her worries without compromising her own standing. “I don't think he knows what's going on.” She tried to laugh. “I mean, you know how sensitive he is and all.”
“All the more reason to trust him. I can't picture Shinji-kun just jumping into a relationship without thinking about it. Have a little faith in him.”
“But what if... what if he was in trouble?”
“Do you think he's in trouble?”
“Then why worry? Is he happy? Well, as happy as Shinji-kun can be?”
“I don't know.”
Kaji frowned, not at all sure where she was going with this. He decided to shed some light on the male animal's behavior.
“Guys are not always as mindful about relationships as women are. That said, Shinji-kun might be in over his head, but I doubt he's in trouble. What I'm trying to say is this: Shinji-kun is a guy, and as such, is subject to certain forces that at times can be beyond his control. If you perceive him to be in trouble, it's probably just because you're not a guy.” He produced his best smile. “Trust me. He's enjoying whatever it is he's doing.” He chuckled. “I don't want to gross you out, but young men often go after older women. If he caught one, I say, good for him. The kid could use a little happiness.”
Asuka climbed out of her entry plug, wringing the liquid from her hair. She glanced to Shinji, who was waiting for the First. Rei nodded at his presence and he smiled.
“Playing the field?”
He blushed.
“Wh-what? What are you talking about?”
Asuka shook her head, sprinkling the floor with LCL.
The three pilots headed to the command bridge, though none of them were truly anxious or excited to hear their scores. They brought a melancholy to the rest of the crew, which not even Misato's cheerful exuberance could lift.
“Why so down, guys?” she asked.
Shinji scratched his arm. Asuka stared at the doctor. Rei awaited the order to shower. No one answered.
“Asuka,” Ritsuko said. “Your score was slipping today. Is everything alright?”
“Just fine, thanks.”
The doctor shrugged and turned her attention on her neighbor.
“Good work, Shinji-kun,” she said. “You're closing in on Asuka. Today's tests were your highest ever.”
Misato congratulated him as well. Asuka watched him blush under the praise. She caught the doctor's subtle canvassing of his body, and the malicious glint in her eyes. She wore a wide smile.
“Keep up the good work,” Ritsuko said.
Asuka was the first to leave after they were dismissed. She tried to ignore the doctor's call for Shinji to stay after for an extra test. She didn't want anything to do with it anymore.
She changed and left the girl's room as Rei stepped into the shower. Mutual disregard on both their parts seemed to be the new code between them. Asuka didn't care. She wandered around the facility, vainly searching for Misato or Kaji, or someone with a car. The halls all seemed alike, the numbers and symbols printed on their walls all blurring together.
She finally spotted an exit, a path to freedom and the outside world. Her hand rested on the handle, twisting around the smooth metal. She stared at the hinges, willing them to bend and give her access to the outer world. One thing made her stop. His tears. The way he had cried.
God! He was always crying. What made that one time any different? Why should she care? He'd made his choice, so let him sink in it.
She gave the door a vicious kick and retraced her steps.
Akagi and Shinji have some weird, perverted thing going on, and I care because? Asuka sighed through her nose. It isn't any of my business. None of it. Kaji said as much. Let the baka and the crazy whore have each other. She heard footsteps approaching her position, and she hid by instinct.
She ducked behind a water fountain as the two in question walked by. Shinji was still in his plugsuit, the doctor leading him along with a quick gait. She didn't bother to scan the halls or check behind her. She was assured that no one would question the two of them together, or where they were going.
Don't go. Don't go. Do not go.
She went.
She followed them to an old section of the base, an abandoned medical lab. This wing wasn't quite as new as those she was accustomed to, and it showed. Asuka snuck along the walls, keeping out of sight, but staying within earshot of her prey. They stopped at an old infirmary, the door hanging off its hinges at a crooked angle. Asuka got behind it and waited.
“I'm going to fuck you today,” Ritsuko said. She began sliding off her underwear. Asuka was sickened by the sag of her breasts and the width of her thighs.
“Fuck?” Shinji asked.
“Yes. Just like the time on the boat when you met Asuka. You just looked so delicious in that plugsuit I couldn't resist.” She eyed him. “Take it off.”
Shinji colored, remembering. He clicked a button on his wrist and the suit lost its tightness. He peeled it off with a strange slowness. He was already stiff, pointing to the ceiling. Asuka was amazed at how big it could get.
“You're hard already? Good.” The doctor deposited her panties at her heel and walked over to him. She grabbed him without care or tenderness and yanked up. A drop of precum slithered down his shaft. “You're such a naughty little boy.” Ritsuko slapped a hand on his bottom and pulled. Shinji gasped as his pink anus winked at Asuka. “Do you like that? Tell me you like that.”
“I… I like that.”
“Of course you do.”
Ritsuko licked her lips. Asuka saw she was almost shaking.
“Lick your finger.” He did. She kneeled in front of him, and took a nipple into her mouth. “Put it in your ass.” She bit down as he hesitated. “Do it!”
He pressed his wet finger against his puckered opening and gritted his teeth. He worked it in past his nail and stopped, panting. She held his cheeks apart, urging him on.
“Doesn't that feel good?”
“It… it hurts a little.”
She began to stroke his length, pulling and pushing his foreskin with the tight ring her hand made. Her other grabbed his wrist and started pumping his finger in and out of him, digging deeper with each thrust.
“Tell me how good it feels.”
He flinched.
“It feels good.” Shinji went weak in the knees. “I'm going to come.”
Ritsuko stopped touching him and he gave a strangled sob.
“Finish yourself,” she said disgustedly. He moved to withdraw his finger but she stopped him. “Leave it in. Now fuck yourself.”
It only took a few more strokes for him to finish, and he shot out across the floor, his knees buckling from the sensation. He cried out.
“Good,” Ritsuko said as he collapsed. “Now clean it up.”
Shinji glanced at her, unsure, still panting. He went for his plugsuit to wipe up his mess.
“No,” she demanded, sounding like she was instructing a dog. “Use your mouth.” When he made no movement, she flung him to the ground. “Do it.”
Shinji stuck out his tongue and lightly lapped at the pool of semen, grimacing at the flavor.
“It doesn't taste good,” he said.
“I don't care. Do it.” Ritsuko touched herself under her skirt. She gave a contented sigh as he sucked up his essence. He swallowed and choked, sputtering and coughing. “Good boy.”
Shinji closed his eyes, willing himself not to throw up. He was hauled up by the doctor, and his stomach turned over. He tasted bile.
“Touch me,” she commanded. He complied and placed a shaking hand on her breast. “Not there,” she said, swatting his hand away. “Touch my pussy. Like I showed you.”
Asuka couldn't see where he touched her, but Ritsuko gave a happy sigh.
“Good boy.” They stayed in that position for some time, Shinji diligently working on her, Ritsuko sighing and clutching his shoulders. “Yes,” she said sharply. “Good.” She pulled a bed out from the wall, and spread her lab coat on it.
Shinji looked at his drenched hand.
“Use it on yourself. Make yourself hard again.”
He worked his flagging member, holding the base and shaking it softly until it reawakened.
“Could… I kiss you?” he asked.
“No. Get on the bed.”
Shinji climbed on, trying not to hug himself. Ritsuko pushed him on his back, and mounted his prone form. She guided him inside her, sliding into place.
“Fuck me,” she ordered.
He moved as best he could under her weight, pistoning his hips, driving himself into her again and again. Her faux blonde hair bobbed around her smiling face, sweat beading above her eyes.
“Am I doing it right?” he asked.
“Shut up. Don't talk.” Ritsuko gritted her teeth, and dug her nails into his soft chest. He bit his lip from saying how much it hurt. Soon her fingers were slippery with his blood.
“That means you're mine,” she whispered. “You belong to me. Now fuck me!”
Shinji choked on a sob.
“Don't cry,” Ritsuko hissed. “You'll ruin it if you do.” Silent tears crept out of his eyes. “Stop it! You will not ruin this for me!” She rammed down on him as hard as she could, furious that she had to work. “Fuck me!”
She started breathing heavier, gasping for air, throwing her head back and moaning. Her body twitched, muscular contractions spreading over her frame. She screamed.
She spent a flood over him, syrupy come dripping down her legs onto the bed, staining her coat. She called out again, as he continued to thrust into her. Her voice was throaty and hoarse. Ritsuko bowed over Shinji, panting.
“Oh, God,” she breathed. “Look what you made me do, little boy.” She fed him a finger tip of her fluids. He accepted it and sucked on the digit. “Good boy,” she whispered into his ear. “Good boy.”
Misato was working late, and the two children under her care were left to fend for themselves at dinner. Shinji called for takeout. Asuka refused he prepare any food tonight, knowing where his hands had been. She kept a wary eye on him in the kitchen, trying to keep control of her emotions and thoughts. The idea that he was more experienced than her made her sick. She was the genius. She was the best pilot. She was the most mature. And here he was carrying on in an adult relationship like it was no big deal. But the very implication that he and the blonde woman were in love was laughable. Today's meeting was proof enough of that.
Asuka sighed. They were both getting exactly what they wanted, she supposed. He was a known pervert, and apparently so was the doctor, so why wouldn't they hook up? They deserved each other. Let them play out their disgusting little fantasies in the boy's locker room or an old med lab. See if she cared.
At least, that was what she told herself.
Asuka knew about sex; the mechanics, all the physical aspects, and enough about the supposed emotional requirements. That was where Shinji was severely lacking. She was fairly sure lovers didn't cry during and after sex. Not that she had a lot to go on, but it just did not seem right.
Shinji paid the delivery girl and spread the food out over the table. He said grace and set out sodas for the two of them. He winced as he sat down.
“Rough day?” she asked.
“Sort of. The tests took more out of me than I thought.” He smiled.
How can he do this? She examined him as he ate, savoring the cheap tastes of takeout. Asuka frowned. He deserves a friend after all this shit. An unwelcome realization hit her. He deserves more than I can give him.
“What's wrong? You look upset.”
“I'm fine.”
Shinji decided this was one battle he wasn't winning, and wisely opted to shut up.
They ate in silence for a time, neither one looking at the other.
I wish Misato was here, Asuka thought.
Shinji reached across the table to take a pickle and she watched him. She wondered how long he'd been subjected to the doctor's sick wishes. She wondered how she could talk to him about it. If she should talk to him about it. Was it really any of her business? Asuka shook her head. Shinji getting fucked was just too surreal.
Seeing sex had shattered her own carefully hidden views on the subject. Or rather, seeing Shinji had shattered them. She no longer held any illusions about romance or beauty, but thought it a vile, dirty act without any redeeming value. Humans were merely animals in bed, seeking power and pleasure wherever they could get it. Be it from a mutually agreeing partner, or a weak child. It didn't matter.
She wondered, not for the first time, how Kaji was in bed. She wanted to believe in him, but his speech on men in general was tarnishing her idolized view. Maybe all men really were just beasts, subject to powers beyond their tiny comprehensions. Maybe Shinji was no different. He seemed willing and able, so what was stopping her from believing it?
Kaji's words echoed in her ears. He's enjoying it. Kaji didn't see what she saw.
“I know,” she finally said.
“Know what?”
“I know… about you and Akagi.” She waited for his face to crack, or tears to spill, or anger to set in.
He smiled, confused.
“What do you mean?”
He wants to play? Fine.
“I stumbled onto you two today and saw as she all but beat you into satiating her sick little desires.”
“That's disgusting, Asuka,” he said, coloring. “There's no way—”
“Oh, so that wasn't you fucking your own ass today in the old infirmary as she watched?”
Shinji went quiet. It was time to bargain.
“So what? Like you care, anyway.” He cleared his place.
“I do care! God, can't you see this isn't right? Open your eyes.”
“I've had enough women tell me what to do today,” he growled. “You should know that.”
Asuka stood up.
“Hope you enjoyed the show,” he went on. “I didn't think you cared about that kind of stuff.”
“Shut up, Shinji. I'm only talking to you because I'm worried. This isn't healthy.”
“Because you're worried? When did you ever care about me?”
“Right now! I care right now. You can't just let that slut Akagi—”
“Shut up! Don't call her a slut.”
“Why the hell not?” She waited for an answer. “This isn't love, if that's what you think this is. Not by a long shot.”
“I know,” he whispered.
“Then why are you demeaning yourself? Don't you have any self-respect?”
“She's nice to me,” he whimpered. “Can't you see that?”
“No! Making you lick your… your stuff off the floor is not nice!”
Shinji squeezed his fists until they hurt.
“How would you know? She listens to me. She gives me advice. She's nice to me.”
“You're sick,” she spat. “If you misinterpret a cheap fuck for kindness than there's no helping you.” Asuka scoffed. “I'm telling Misato.”
He looked at her and was afraid.
“You wouldn't.”
“Watch me. As soon as she gets home, I'm going to tell her what a sick little boy you are. Then they'll cart that slut away.” Why can't I be nice to him?
“You can't!” he cried.
“You're not leaving me with any choice!”
Shinji grabbed her arms, forcing her against the wall. He knocked the wind out of her.
“You won't!” he screamed in her face. “You will not ruin this for me!”
Asuka shook her head to recover, seeing spots.
“Let… let me go.”
“Not until you promise not to tell anyone!” His grip softened, and he adopted a pleading demeanor. “Please, Asuka. You don't know everything you think you do.”
She felt light-headed and dizzy. His face seemed to weave back and forth in her vision.
“Please. Promise me. I know what I'm doing.”
“Al… alright,” she said, desperate for him to release her. “Let go.”
He bit his lip, gauging her honesty, then stepped back.
“You promised. Remember.”
“Yeah… just, just leave me alone.” She struggled to her room, and flopped down on the bed, her strength refusing to return. She closed her eyes and felt like crying. The muffled weeping from Shinji's room kept her up for some time.
The lunch bell rang. Asuka came up with some excuse not to eat with Hikari and stayed seated. She watched Shinji go off with the two other stooges, but not before throwing her a tight-lipped glance.
You promised, she could hear him say.
The room was empty and Asuka collapsed on her desk. Last night's confrontation had taken a lot more out of her than she wanted to admit. He could be surprisingly forceful when he wanted to be. When he wasn't bowing and scraping to everyone. When he wasn't letting himself be—
She turned her head and stared out the window. What was she supposed to do? None of the courses she'd taken in college had dealt with this kind of problem. As much as she hated to acknowledge it, this was beyond her powers. She had no idea what to do next.
“Baka Shinji…”
She wished she'd never waited for him that day. That she had just met up with Misato. That she never found out about this.
Asuka groaned. She tried to picture how everyone would react if she did tell. Misato would be furious; she'd probably have to be restrained. She could picture Kaji laughing, maybe even saying it was good for him. His father wouldn't give two shits. Wondergirl would ask if it would affect his piloting, then go back to being a brick in the wall.
A thought struck her. And how would she have reacted if someone else told her?
“I'd probably laugh. Or say he deserved it.” She closed her eyes. Guilt was an ugly feeling.
“He deserved what?” a soft voice inquired behind her.
Asuka snapped up in her chair.
“Yes, pilot Soryu?”
“What… what are you doing here? It's lunch time!”
“I am eating.” She displayed her modest bento. “What are you doing?”
“I am… also eating.” She realized her desk was empty. “I'm just not hungry.”
Rei gave her a curious look, then returned to her meal.
Asuka ran a hand through her hair. Maybe, maybe if she told the First, they could figure out what to do together. Her options for help were admittedly limited. Misato was too emotional, his father was too unemotional, and everyone else at NERV was too unknown to her. The idea of speaking to Kaji about this left a foul taste in her mouth, too. And the First was pretty smart, she admitted. Asuka paid attention to test scores. She knew who her rivals were.
Ayanami would have to do. Just use her as a sounding board. That's all. Not like she'd tell anyone, anyways. Asuka smiled. It was the perfect plan.
She dragged a chair to Rei's desk and sat. She fiddled with her hands.
“Hey there, First…” Her hands were shaking. “So, what are you eating?” Asuka swore.
“Oh, right.” She straightened her dress. God, she just had to make this difficult, didn't she? “Say, you talk to Shinji, right?” Maybe she already knows, too.
“I converse with him occasionally.”
“Great. Has he, ah, told you anything weird, lately?”
“Define weird. Many things Ikari-kun says confuse me.”
Asuka frowned. Would she think it weird even if she did know?
“I mean, has he told you anything about Dr. Akagi?”
Rei glanced up.
“Nothing at all? No matter how inconsequential it might seem?”
The redhead wiped a bead of sweat off her brow.
What the hell do they talk about? How much fun it is to stare at inanimate objects?
“J-just say that for the sake of argument, Shinji was in trouble…”
She looked up.
“Ikari-kun is in danger?”
Should've known that would get her attention.
“Well, not in danger, not really, just… well…”
“Pilot Soryu. What is wrong with Ikari-kun?”
Asuka rubbed her hands together. She abruptly stopped, making a sour face.
“Dr. Akagi is sort of… forcing him to be with her.”
Rei put down her chopsticks. She tilted her head.
“What do you mean?”
“You know,” Asuka said, “being with her.” Rei made clear she did not. Asuka sighed. “Let's just say Shinji was being forced to be… with someone. Against his will. What do you think I should do about it? And suppose he told me not to tell anyone.”
Rei's tired gaze made her sweat.
“Is this a fact?”
Asuka relaxed a little. See? The First didn't really care.
“Well, yeah. I sort of saw him and Akagi going at it, and it was clear it wasn't totally consensual. Besides, Shinji is underage and—”
“What does `going at it' mean?”
Asuka blushed, recalling the heated session.
“Well… God, why do I have to be the one who explains the facts of life to you? You know, they were… they were intimate.” She frowned. That phrase seemed to cheapen the reality of the situation.
“Intimate? As in sexually intimate?”
“Well… yeah.”
Rei's brow furrowed.
“You know this for a fact?”
Asuka nodded.
“And it was not consensual? You said Ikari-kun was forced into it?”
“Yes. Now, what do you think I should—”
“Dr. Akagi is raping him?” Rei said. Her eyes shone with an indefinable emotion. She pulled out her cell phone.
Asuka blinked, stunned. But… Shinji was a guy. Guys… couldn't be… raped…
“Wait, who're you calling?”
“The commander. He will know what to do.” She entered a long series of numbers, and waited. Asuka panicked.
“Wait! I… I told him I wouldn't tell anyone. I promised.”
Rei stared through her.
“I made no such promise.” She turned her attention away from Asuka. “Commander,” she spoke. “Is this a secure line?” She waited a moment. “Pilot Ikari is being raped by Dr. Akagi. Yes. Yes, I have a witness. Yes.” She hung up. “He will take care of the situation.”
Asuka gaped. It was now well out of her hands.
“What do you think you're doing?”
“Ikari-kun was in peril. I remedied it.”
“What? You expressed concern for Dr. Akagi's actions, and I merely provided the most logical solution. I—” She stopped, and wore a rare face of surprise.
“What is it?” Asuka looked behind her and found Shinji in the doorway, holding a bento.
His shocked face turned furious, and he threw the lunch against the blackboard. It broke apart with a sickening crack and splattered over the tile floor. Both girls jumped.
“You liar!” He came up on the two girls. “How could you? You promised me!”
“Why did you promise?” Rei asked.
“I… I don't know why! He was real scary last night, okay? I didn't have a choice.”
“Shut up, Asuka! Shut your God damn mouth!”
The redhead blinked. This was Shinji?
“Who did you tell, Ayanami?”
“The commander.”
“What!? You told my father!?” Shinji clutched his head, digging his finger nails into his scalp. “God! Why did you do that?”
“You were in danger. I merely—”
“Shut up!”
Rei held her arm and pushed back in her seat. Shinji's anger faltered.
“Ayanami… I'm sorry. I'm… you shouldn't have done that.”
Rei did not look at him. He stifled a sob.
“You can't just… you can't… damn it all!”
“Shinji,” Asuka said, standing up. “You need help.”
“You don't know everything…”
“What? What don't I know?”
“There are… things,” he said, his eyes bleary.
“Screw your things! You are royally messed up, Third.” She observed him on the edge of tears, maybe a breakdown. “We need the tell Misato.”
He lunged at her, but she was ready. A single blow to the stomach sent him to the floor, gasping in pain.
“Stay down,” Asuka told him. She turned to Rei. “Call Misato.”
“You can't…” Shinji struggled up on one arm. “Please, Ayanami, please don't. You can't do this to me.”
The albino wavered just a moment before dialing the major.
“You can't… you can't… please…” Shinji wept, hugging his knees. He cried on the floor, trying to disappear into himself.
“Major Katsuragi?”
Shinji screamed.
“Yo, Shinji? What the hell—” Touji stopped at the door, gaping. “What the hell's going on here?” Kensuke stopped short behind him.
Asuka threw them a warning glare. Before she could speak, the lunch bell rang again. Students began filling the halls.
The classroom gradually became the focal point of the returning children, the sight of a weeping boy exotic and fascinating. They crowded close to catch a glimpse, shoving and pushing to clear the way. Asuka's shouts for them to get out went unheeded, so she crouched down next to Shinji, trying to shield him from the mob. The shouts of laughter, calls for assistance, and worries to his wellbeing all fell on his deaf ears. He was lost to their words, and continued sobbing on the floor, curled into a tight ball.
“She… did… what?
Misato sat across from Asuka in their kitchen, the most frightening look the young girl had ever seen on the woman's face bearing down on her. The redhead hugged herself self-consciously.
“This isn't a joke, is it? Because if it is, so help me God—”
“It's not a joke, Misato. I saw it.” She felt ill. The situation was spiraling out of control.
“You saw it? How?”
“I… heard him from the hall and snuck in,” Asuka said, looking away.
Misato stared at her for a moment.
“Did she hit him? Or yell at him?”
“She yelled and pushed him around.” The memory of his blood covering her hands rushed back to her. “She made him bleed.”
“Her… nails.” Asuka frowned. “He didn't enjoy it. He cried afterwards.”
The major sat back. She shook her head, staring at Shinji's door.
“I'll kill her.”
Asuka looked up.
“I'll fucking kill her. That bitch.” She slammed her fist against the table. “I will fucking kill her.”
Rei emerged from Shinji's room, gently closing the door behind her.
“Ikari-kun is finally asleep.”
Her unspoken order to quiet was heeded, and Misato forcibly calmed herself. She blew out an angry breath.
“Thanks, Rei,” she said. “How is he?”
“It took him some time to calm down. He was still crying when he fell asleep.”
The major covered her eyes with her palms. Everything seemed like it was going to hell. She desperately wanted a beer.
“Where are you going?” she asked, hearing Rei at the door. She turned.
“Home. There is nothing more for me to do here.”
“Yeah,” Asuka snorted. “You've done plenty.”
“What's that suppose to mean?”
“She told the commander.”
“That's a good start,” Misato said. “What I would have done.”
Asuka stared in disbelief. She scoffed, still angry at the First.
“Like he'd ever do anything for him.”
Rei felt that slapping Asuka in front of the major, in her own home, might not be appropriate. She settled to glare at her.
Misato swallowed her own sentiments about her commanding officer and leveled her eyes at the redhead.
“He'll do something. Even he can't just sit on this.” She gritted her teeth. “I'll fucking kill her.”
“Murdering Dr. Akagi will not solve the problem,” Rei said.
“No, but it'll make me feel better,” Misato snapped. She shut her eyes. “God.”
The First Children waited a moment more, and then opened the door.
Asuka was actually sorry she left. She had no clue what to say to Misato now. They stayed at the table as night descended, and soon they were covered in darkness. She heard Misato cry once, a short, shuddering cough, and whisper his name. Finally the major stood, drying her eyes, and headed past Asuka.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
Misato stopped, her hand on Shinji's door.
“I'm going to stay with him tonight, okay?” She sighed. “I'm not sending him to school tomorrow. Whether or not you want to go is up to you.” She looked at Asuka. “Thank you. If it wasn't for you, we might never have known.”
Misato entered his room and closed the door.
Asuka sat alone at the table. She did not feel like the hero she was being made out to be.
“Allegations have been brought by Rei, pilot Soryu and the major against Dr. Akagi regarding her treatment of pilot Ikari.”
Gendo sat at his desk behind steepled hands, addressing the crowd before him. Asuka, Rei and Misato stood at attention in his office. The Second Children felt for the life of her like a misbehaving kid the way the commander looked at them.
“Where is the pilot of Unit-01?”
“As I'm sure you can imagine, he's going through a lot right now,” Misato said. “I felt it best if he didn't have to relive the events.” She made her voice sound light. “Where is Dr. Akagi?”
“Incarcerated. Where she is does not concern you.”
The major frowned, directing a murderous glare at the floor. Doesn't concern me…?
“Dr. Akagi has confessed to the crimes, but as the pilot of Unit-01 refuses to bring charges himself, there is only so much I can do.” Gendo paused to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “Furthermore, as Dr. Akagi is an invaluable resource to Project E and the continuing battle against the Angels, the penalty for her crimes shall be suspended indefinitely.”
Asuka could feel how furious Misato was.
“What?” the major balked. “She isn't going to be punished!?”
“Once the Angels are defeated an official inquiry will be held regarding her conduct with the Third Children. They will decide what penalty is appropriate.”
“Shinji was raped!” Misato yelled.
“He is still alive.”
“But… he's your son,” Asuka breathed.
Gendo regarded her coolly.
“He is a pilot first. Personal affairs that affect that ability will of course be held to account, but when it is proven he can still pilot, this case will officially be closed.” He looked at the fuming major. “Tell the Third Children a synch test will be held tomorrow for him to determine any adverse affects his recent ordeal may have rendered.”
Misato thundered to the commander's desk. She slapped her hands down.
“I'll be damned if that bitch ever gets close to my Shinji-kun again.”
“The Third Children will of course be placed into protective custody once he enters the Geofront. Dr. Akagi will also be put under constant surveillance to ensure it never happens again.”
“That isn't good enough,” Misato snarled.
“It is the best we can do under the circumstances.”
“Fuck the circumstances. If I see her again I'll kill her.”
Gendo almost smiled.
“No, you won't. Doing so would jeopardize our entire operation. Try to see the bigger picture, major. As long as he can pilot, no harm has been done.”
“No harm…!?”
Rei raised her hand.
“What if pilot Ikari can no longer synchronize?”
“Then he is of no use to me or NERV. He will be dismissed.”
Rei lowered her hand.
Gendo glanced at Misato.
“Is there anything else, major?”
She swallowed her pride, and the beating she desperately wanted to give Gendo. Shinji, she told herself. He needs you now.
“When this is all over, I will have revenge for him,” she hissed. She turned on her heel and started towards the door. “Come on girls.”
Rei followed after, but Asuka stayed glued to her spot. Something deep within her broke.
“You…” She bit something off. “He's your son and you don't care that some old skank was messing with him? Don't you have a conscience? Don't you have a soul?”
“That is insubordination, Second.” Gendo stood. “Another word and your piloting privileges will be docked.”
“You can't tell me what to do,” she snapped.
“On the contrary, I—”
“When the next Angel attacks are you going to keep me back? You can't.” Asuka resisted the overpowering urge to spit on the old man. Something dark, something powerful rushed through her, commanding her tongue. “How can you let her off? Why aren't you personally hanging her from the Eva's bridge?” She thought of a noose and scowled. “Why aren't you protecting your child?”
The commander blinked tiredly. He gave no reaction when the redhead's hand flung up, pointing at him, or when she continued to yell.
“You weren't there. You didn't see what she did to him. You weren't there when she forced him to lick up his own semen from the ground, and frig himself in the ass.”
“God,” Misato choked out.
“Your report was quite graphic. I know the details. But I admit I am in deference to your eyewitness account.”
Asuka stared daggers at Gendo, hoping one would sever his aorta. He took the glare in stride, wearing a smug look that made clear he thought nothing of the entire situation. That he thought nothing of his son. His child. Asuka felt a burst of fury.
A smiling parent without remorse.
“Once the Angels are all dead I will personally crush that whore of a doctor into the ground.” She clenched her fists, staring at her commander. Her eyes easily communicated the rest of the threat. And anyone who defends her.
Gendo put a tired hand in his pocket. He was strangely unruffled in the face of an open death threat against an employee.
“Is that all?”
Asuka walked calmly to him, keeping his eyes locked on hers. All the hate she had suspended for the doctor boiled to the surface, mixing with an older, deeper hate. She raised her hand with the intent to crack his jaw open. His face seemed to float above her, hanging in the air. Misato caught her arm before she could swing. Gendo looked from her raised fist to her furious face.
“Assaulting a commanding officer is a serious offense. You are hereby grounded until I say otherwise.”
Asuka took the blow with no visible reaction, save a quick spasm on her right eye. What was she thinking? She nearly threw her entire career, her entire life away. And for what? For a misdirected attack. She sobered quickly, regaining control. Her tongue sat heavily in her mouth, crushing the condemnations before she could utter them. But her thoughts were not so easily quelled.
I swear I hope the next Angel kills you, you mother fucker.
“Come on, Asuka,” Misato said, pulling her away. “This won't solve anything.” Good girl.
The three left the office, Misato and Asuka casting one final, withering glare at Gendo. He grinned and returned to his seat. All was right with the world.
“You should not threaten the commander,” Rei said once the doors swung closed.
“Shut the fuck up, First!” Asuka roared. “I have no idea why Shinji puts up with you and your shit. You can grovel and dote on that old fool as much as you like but don't you dare do it around me anymore.” She poked her in the collar. “I will crush you too, if you do it again.” Asuka took off.
Misato neither condoned the display, nor condemned it. She followed Asuka, and Rei was left alone in the wide hallway in front of the commander's office.
Asuka knocked on Shin-chan's Lovely Suite. She received no answer. She sighed and entered anyway, trying to clear her thoughts.
He lay on his bed, one arm slung over his eyes, the other clutched around his SDAT player. Asuka saw it wasn't even turned on.
He's been crying again, she thought, seeing his face.
“You know you have a synch test today, right?”
He nodded, not looking at her.
“Misato said to take your time, but you should hurry up, okay?”
He indicated he knew.
Asuka sighed. She looked around his closet room, for the first time feeling guilty she'd taken his. There was barely any room left for her, let alone him. She saw how dusty the jacket covering his cello was.
“I'm going to get ready now,” she told him.
She stayed though. Standing by the edge of his bed, listening to him breathe, watching his chest rise slowly, then fall. She thought of the claw marks the doctor had left, and became angry.
“Was it really so great?” she asked, trying to get some reaction out of him.
“… no.”
“Then why? Why are you carrying on like it's the end of the world?”
“You wouldn't understand.”
“Try me.”
Shinji moved his arm back over his eyes. His mouth pulled away from his teeth as he spoke.
“It wasn't about… about sex for me. I didn't want to do those things. Not like that.”
“Again, why? What could you possibly get out of her that qualified your behavior?”
His chest jerked up, a controlled whimper.
“She… Ritsuko-san told me if I did… those things with her… she'd talk to my father for me. She said she could help me…” He sobbed. “Help me talk to him.” Shinji rolled away from Asuka, and cried. “She promised me.”
She watched him shed bitter tears. He gripped his pillow like a life preserver and cried. Asuka felt powerless. She placed a shaky hand on his shoulder and he shuddered. She withdrew it.
Asuka was not unaware of the date. Misato had let it slip earlier when she was ranting about their respective commander, and that Kaji had still expected her to attend some wedding. Today was the anniversary of Shinji's mother's death. And he had spent the entire day in his room, in the dark, weeping. The redhead couldn't quite condone the display of cowardice, but for the briefest of moments, she thought she understood him.
“I'm sorry,” she said. Asuka slowly crawled next to him, and placed her arms around his shaking form. She was tired. She was tired of being angry with him, of blaming him for her suspension, of being sickened by his presence. “I'm sorry.”
She hugged him gently, allowing him to escape at any time. He did not try to touch her, or return the embrace, but kept still, afraid he was dreaming this.
“I didn't want to do those things,” he whimpered.
“I know.”
“Why'd she make me? I just wanted to talk to my father.”
“I know.” She hugged him tighter, resting her head against his back. “You know… you know you're not alone, right? Misato is here for you, so are those dumb friends of yours.” Asuka bit her lip. “And if you ever want to talk… I'm here, too.”
He sniffled, and swallowed. He closed his eyes, wishing this moment could last forever.
“Thank you.”
They stayed on his bed until Misato beeped her horn. She kept beeping, despite the calls for her to shut up from other residents in the apartment complex. Asuka tried laughing, but it sounded hollow. Shinji didn't join her.
“Come on,” she said. “It's time to go.”
He sniffled, and nodded.
Asuka found Shinji outside the commander's office, waiting, for what she could only guess. A bodyguard stood next to him.
Why he wants a relationship with that asshole is beyond me. She sighed. He isn't worth it. He's barely worth the energy it takes to hate him.
The heavy metal doors of Gendo's office opened, and he stepped out, Fuyutsuki and Rei in tow. Asuka saw Shinji cringe. Though not in discussion, the three looked consumed within their own thoughts, sending silent warnings to anyone who was foolish enough to bother them.
Shinji stood as they approached.
“Father, I…”
Gendo did not stop, did not speak, did not even bother to look at him. Shinji sat down, trembling like he'd just been struck.
“I'm sorry,” he whispered. “I'm sorry.”
Gendo and his company passed him, Rei sparing a second to glance at him. She did not stop. The three continued down the corridor, cutting a swath through any and all traffic. Shinji stood and raced to the middle of the hall.
“I'm sorry!” he screamed at their departing forms.
They did not look back.
Gendo passed the corner and Shinji fell to his knees, panting. The bodyguard looked on impassively.
“I'm so sorry... please forgive me…” He snapped his head up, sprinkling his tears to the ground. “Forgive me, please!
“It wasn't your fault,” Asuka said, approaching him. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
He ran his forearm across his eyes.
“I just… I just want…” He broke off. “I just want him to notice me.”
“He's my father.”
“He doesn't act like it.”
Shinji's face collapsed.
“I don't care. I don't care. I just want…” He sagged. “I don't know what I want.”
I'm not surprised.
She couldn't think of anything to say that would make him feel better. That would ease his pain. She settled for helping him up. He missed the offered hand, clearing his eyes of tears, and stood.
“I have to go,” he said, walking in the same direction his father went. “I have another synch test today.”
That means he has to see her again.
“Do you… do you want me to come too?”
Shinji blinked, completely surprised. He had almost convinced himself that night in his room had been a dream.
“You don't… have to. It's okay.” He shuffled his feet. “I… I, uh, heard you got suspended. Misato-san wouldn't tell me for what, though.”
“Oh, yeah… it was nothing, really. Don't worry about it. Just kick the next Angel's ass for me, okay?” She smiled, despite the flare of anger his words had given her. He could not return her friendly gesture.
“Sure.” Shinji wiped his nose with a handkerchief. “Um… I better get going.” He started past her, the bodyguard taking up pace next to him. Asuka stayed behind, watching his departing form.
You'd better get real strong, real fast, Shinji.
She was about to call out to him, to wish him luck, when the Angel alarm sounded. Its shrill cry stopped Shinji. He spoke but did not face her.
“Goodbye,” he said.
End of chapter 1
Author notes: welcome to the downward spiral of Ikari Shinji. This is only going to get darker. Also, this was my first attempt at an Asuka-centric story, so it's a little rough. I hope I did her justice.
God damn this looks like a rip-off of Random's fic, Innocence Lost. Shit. Right down to the infirmary and everything. Either that or Mercaba's A Past to Forget. And those are both way better than this fic. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but that's a poor excuse for this. I'm such an asshole. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Flames, come onto me.
Sorry about the graphicness of this story. I wanted it to shock and appall the reader as much as it did Asuka. And the whole Asuka blowing up at Gendo? As I wrote that scene, I realized how alike Shinji and Asuka really are. Think about it. Asuka was always trying to get her mother's attention, who replaced her with a doll. Shinji's trying to gain his father's approval, and he admits in the series that he feels Rei replaced him. It was the first step towards empathy for Asuka, even if it was through projected anger.
No pre-reader, so all your complaints and death threats can be issued solely to me, for your convenience.
Broke ten thousand words. Longest story I've ever written. Certainly not the best I've ever written, but so what? Following chapters will be shorter; don't worry.