Original Poetry Fan Fiction ❯ Have I Told You Lately That I Hate You? ❯ Draft 1 ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Have I told you lately that I hate you?
Did you know you cause me pain?
Claws tearing at my heart
Birds cawing by my ears
Head pounding like a cerimonial drum
I shake my head and laugh away my troubles
I tear out my hair to chase away the tears
Clawing my own skin to counter the pain inside
I stand like a statue
You see a silent observer
An unkown mountain that never changes
But it changes, you just can't see it
Outside I am a serene lake
Inside I scream and scream
Ripples of pain tear across my soul
If I were to scream out loud
My throat would have already been torn
Useless and bloody against the harsh sound
The relentless screeching and agonizing gurgles
Of blood filling my vocal cords, but still I wouldn't stop
Outside, you see an emotionless face
A statue or painting, unchanging
Except with time it does change
Inside I claw at my soul
I tear it to shreds so you won't have to
I throw the pieces into a fire
But they will not burn
So I shred them some more
They heal, in their own twisted way
Piece back together so I can shred them again
I claw and I tear and I rip and I shred
Still they heal so I can repeat the grisly process
Outside, I am a dam holding the water back from a city
Resting at the bottom, I make sure they do not drown
But the water is as relentless as my pain
It beats and it pounds and it chips away the stone
I break, I always break
But I will not let you see
The dam crumbles and drowns the people in the city
In the dark of the night it destroys everything
But no one cares
They do not see
They know nothing of the village
They only know of the dam
The town has never been seen
I am the dam
My pain is the water
My soul is the town
I crumble, I fall
I cry and I hate
I hate you, but I hate myself even more
I will not let you see my pain
I deserve my pain
I will soak in it
I will drink it
I will breathe it in
And I will drown in it
But only for a little while
Not long enough for it to go away
Why would I deserve that?
Why would I deserve this absence of pain?
You used to take it away
With kind words
I used to know how to smile
A drought would remove most of the water
Until only trickles could batter the dam
There used to be sunshine in my soul
It brought laughter, not tears
I remember laughter
The soft, playful wind and the tinkling of bells
A celebration in the city at the bottom of the dam
Christmas year round, happy faces and smiles
You spoke, and the sun rose
You laughed, and a symphony played
You looked at me and the world grew warm
You left
The flames of the sun died out
The warmth grew colder and brought winter snows
The symphony forgot their song
The harmony of the melody clashed
The strings played a tune that the brass could not follow
The conductor waved a rhythm that the pounding drums couldn't follow
That is when I learned to scream
I became a statue
Who retreated inside
Sometimes, when all the world was still
I cried, I let tears fall from my eyes
I silently sobbed and squeezed my eyes shut
I silently yelled and berated myself
'Do not cry, you do not deserve tears'
I bit my lower lip until it turned red
'Stop crying, this pain'
'This pain is yours'
'You deserve this pain. Drown in it'
And as my arms bled from my nails digging them
I died, just a little at a time
But that was long ago
I'm dead now
A mountain reduced to a pebble
A statue crumbled to dust
The remains of a painting no one remembers
The last few crumbles of a dam that broke
And let the water drown everything in its path