Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Im'Perfection ❯ The rose atop a mountain of weeds ( Chapter 1 )

Im'Perfection

By: Sharon Kuo

 

“Imo sweetie, dance with me?” Daddy asks me at my 11th birthday party.

“Okay daddy.” Some things were just too good to be true.

 

A world where the skaters are as cold as the ice but beautiful in a way that is untouchable and pure. This elegant sport demands perfection and skill. You are eliminated for the slightest mistakes and forever forgotten. You battle your way to the top and there you rule supreme. Grace, elegance, are but fickle words compared to what you become: perfection. I'm just a step away and nothing can stop me. It's like being amid a sea of weeds and you're the only true standing rose. Hey, roses have thorns too. To some, figure skating may just be a cold and ruthless hell, but to me, it's my life and the rink is my home.

 

“Imo, sweetie, your hair is beautiful like that! Let it be free!”

“But daddy, it falls into my face when I skate and I can't see.”

 

Those were the happy days; my childhood. Golden days where a smile had the power to cover up the most ridiculous lies and a hug was able to make everything good again. Innocence and honest were but free gifts that were distributed towards everyone, worthy or not. A time where love could overcome the scariest monsters, the tallest mountains and the deepest rivers. One where you didn't have to plan out your steps in advance to insure your security, one when you weren't afraid to take chances. One where you're sure that someone would always be there to catch you when you fell. What a joke.

 

Growing up, Dad was there to catch me every single time I fell. I felt safe, and the feeling of safety was overwhelming and just too good to be true. I knew he'd always be there. I was careless enough to think that everything was perfect, but life threw me a curveball one after another.

 

My dad always told me that promises are supposed to kept. If you don't keep a promise, you're not worthy to be a proper human being. He used to quote John Lennon, “Love is a promise, Love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear.” I have always grown up to keep my promises. But on my 12th birthday, he broke our unspoken pact to keep all his promises.

 

Turns out, daddy had more fun on his more than frequent “business” trips than he let on. I don't like change very much and when your “honest and caring” sunshine dad sprouts horns and a tail, and thrusts another family upon you, how is anyone supposed to cope? When I was 14, he sat our whole family down, yup the 4 of us at the time and told us the good news. Apparently his conscious caught up with him and decided that honesty is the best policy. Too bad commitment isn't. Apparently, he wanted to mesh his “other” family with ours. What are we, plado? You can't just mesh 2 different colors together, it'll only turn brown. Well, it turned black. It crumbled the foundation of our family and totally annihilated the love I had for my father. It felt like the morals he taught me were just lies and they shouldn't be followed. That day ignited the deep hatred and mistrust towards everyone and my father.

 

It felt like I lost a part of myself no matter how hard I held on, leaving me weak and vulnerable. My dad were the laces on my skates. Keeping me safe and strong so I wouldn't hurt myself. But when my laces snapped and loosened, I tripped on a crack in the ice and I fell. Hard. I couldn't stand back up without help. Many people offered me help, but I couldn't depend on anyone anymore, I stood up taller and stronger than before leaving my past and my laces behind. I didn't need them anymore. I can find a way without laces. I didn't need them to feel strong. Laces are for weaklings. I am not weak.

 

From then on, figure skating had been my retrieve and escape. Ice had become my stage and I portray a different character every day. This world of perfection is my home. My family is the spectators and fans and the only person I can trust, is myself.

 

~

 

2 weeks ago

“There were no skates in your size with buckles left Imo, be reasonable.” Frank, my dear brother reasoned.

“I don't like skates with laces and my name is Imogen.”

“Why don't you accept skates with laces? They still work…”

“Whatever, you wouldn't understand.”

“Besides, you promised you would come to mum's birthday. You promised.”

“Promises are for weaklings.” I scoffed.

“That's exactly what you're becoming Imo, A weakling. Imo, perfection is just your mask, but inside you're just like the rest of us. You're not perfect.”

Something inside me snapped. My pent up anger decided to rear it's ugly head. For the first time in years, I was seeing red.

“What are you talking about? Shut up! You don't even know me.”

“Exactly, you're not letting anyone close to you, just like dad. Ever since he committed suicide, you've been becoming more distant than ever. We used to be as close as you were to dad!”

“Well, we've drifted apart. Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, we haven't drifted far apart, its you. You've been building a castle around yourself. One day, you're going to realize you're turning into dad. You're gonna be trapped Imo, in your own selfishness and broken promises.”

“Get out.” I said in a near whisper. Eyes, deadly.

“Remember our deal Imo…you promised.”

I touched my hair out of habit. It seems that in my anger, my hair seemed to have fallen out of my bun. I have to fix it.

 

~Present

 

Today is my dad's commemoration ceremony for being the great and powerful business mogul he was. Too bad they didn't know the real him. It's been 3 years and I still haven't shaken it off yet. I don't want to go. It's my competition and I hate my dad. He doesn't deserve my love. He broke our pact. He broke our promise but I promised Frank I would go. I had promised. He said he'd finish high school. He kept his promise. I'll keep mine. I am no weakling. I can keep my promises. I am not my father.

 

“Hey coach, I'm leaving.” I told my coach. She wore a mask of surprise.

“Why?” she asked.

“Oh, personal issues. I'm qualified for nationals anyways.” I reassured her.

“You're doing the right thing.” She tells me and gave me a knowing look.

“Thank you.”

“Oh you're leaving because of that? Why? Just stay it's not like it's important anyways.” Tam, my best friend said. She may be snobby but she understands me.

“No, I promised my brother” I said as I brushed past her.

“Isn't it you who said promises are for weaklings? Besides, you're not scared are you?”

 

Oh. That was below the belt. She has hit rock bottom. Tam's parents are practically figure skating royalty. All that attention gets to her head. If she thinks she's going to win this competition, she's got another thing coming. Friendly competition. Frank and my dead dad can wait. The ice is where I belong no matter who and what I promised. It will always be my top priority.

 

~

 

I came home and I didn't even get a reproach on how I missed it. Missed the commemoration ceremony. Dear mumsies walked right past me today wearing a fancy black Versace dress. How strange, she's usually wasted. Even stranger, I walked past Frank's open room. No sound. I walked back noisily. I saw him sitting at his desk in deep thought. Still, no sound. He usually calls me out. Deathly quiet.

 

3 hours later finds me at the local skating rink. There is something in this world colder than ice. Frozen water is nothing compared to frozen feelings where there truly is a mask covering someone's face. Anger, what is that? An explosion of emotions? Definitely not what is directed to me now. It used to be a warmth of anger that was easily forgotten but this new feeling is the opposite. What is this feeling? It feels like...disappointment. Disappointment on how I didn't keep my promise.

 

Funny how you don't realize the importance of what you had before you lose it. I'm the rose who towers over the weed-like imperfections of my family. But how come I feel so defeated? I've got what I wanted, so…how come I feel so empty? How can this feel so wrong? I've fell into a deep crack and I'm trapped; the crack which I have been so long unconsciously trying to avoid. And yet I knowingly jumped right in. How can years of work be just wasted over one small mistake? I never wanted to be blank and alone. Whatever, family is overrated. If they don't want to be part of my life anymore, that's fine because it's a win-win situation. I don't need anyone. All I need is myself.

 

“OW!” I sat there cold and alone on the ice. There's a crack in the ice of my skating rink. How on earth did it get there? A sole lone crack amid a sheet of smooth ice, and I just so happened to trip over it. I checked my hair. My bangs fell out of my clip. Does anything ever go right?

~

 

I suppose if you wish hard enough, your wish just might come true. But sometimes what you get isn't how you imagined it. Sometimes…you just might regret it.

 

These past 3 weeks I've been living in absolute Iceland. No one spared me a glance; no one uttered a friendly word to me. There is a feeling worse than disappointment, the feeling that you're truly and utterly alone in this world. I cannot believe how distant my family and friends had become. What's wrong with them? Can't they see that I'm distressed? And they call themselves my friends.

 

I walked towards my change room with my usual air of confidence and grace. My well-wishers parted for me like the Red Sea did for Moses. I feel powerful. Strangers, wishing me good luck. Strangers, that's what they've all become; but this is what I've chosen to do and I will follow through. But I don't know what' right anymore. What am I supposed to do? I thought I had a grasp on life, but turns out I was wrong. Again. Feels like every step I take, I fall two steps back. I'm going backwards.

 

“Miss Verity! Here's a special delivery for you!” Oh. Flowers and a card. How nice. Someone does care. I touched my hair out of habit, it was getting loose again. I'll fix it. I pulled my elastic out trying to find my brush.

 

Where's my brush? I know I put it in my bag this morning. Omg. How come things don't go right? I picked up the card:

 

Hey Imo. Big day huh? I know. It's big for the both of us.

 

What? Big day? For the both of us?

 

It's your biggest competition of the year. It's my graduation.

I'm sorry I can't be there supporting you like I always am.

I have to attend this if I want to finish high school.

I promised.

So, good luck and knock your competition down. We know you can do it.

 

Love,

Frank, Mom

 

In every story of every life, there is the moment of revelation, the epiphany, and the climax where everything seems to fall into place, or fall apart. *The past is a puzzle, like a broken mirror. As you piece it together, your image keeps shifting. And you change with it. It could destroy you, drive you mad or set you free. But it's also a gaping hole. You try to run from it, but the more you run, the deeper it grows behind you, its edges yawning at your heels. Your only chance is to turn around and face it. But it's like looking down into the grave of your love, or kissing the mouth of a gun, a bullet trembling in it's dark nest, ready to blow your head off.

 

“Oh. Imo, I feel sorry for you. You're family is so…out of place. You're brother is such a loser. I mean, he doesn't even want to finish high school. Oh well, it's not like you care about him anyways. Just like your father. Haha. Like father like daughter I guess. It can't be helped.” Tam scoffed. It feels like I've walked straight into a brick wall. It hurts.

 

Like FATHER like DAUGHTER.

 

Isn't that what Frank kept on telling me? Is it true? Am I that untrustworthy? Am I really that hateful and cold-hearted? Am I really like my father? Do I want that to happen? Is that really what I want? Is that a sacrifice I need to make? If it is the sacrifice, do I still want to be perfect?

 

It can't be helped

 

Oh yes it can. My past may not be what I wanted it to be, but it shapes who I am today. Without a past, there is no present. Without the present, there can be no future.

 

“No Tam, you're not right. My family may not be perfect but sometimes it's the best thing one can have. I can always talk to them. I kept trying to call you this weekend. No one picked up. What are friends for? You obviously don't understand. My brother may not be perfect, but he is trying his best at keeping his promise and I do care about him. So just go and stick your head up your ass. Oh wait, it's already up there.” I said with a mocking smile on my face.

 

Seeing that shocked look on her face is more than satisfying.

 

I hadn't realized that I had walked myself to my car. Driving down Main Street makes people realize things. The only way I can try to make it up to my brother is to keep up what I can of my promise. Just like Mark Twain says, “Better a broken promise, than none at all.” And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

 

I never knew Frank's high school was the one I went to. Surprise, surprise. I guess I have been missing a lot out of his life. Walking down this hallway towards the gym is truly a stroll down memory lane. The smiles, the laughter, all a thing of the past. But the memory of it made me smile. This time, I'm enjoying the scenery.

 

I watch my brother walk to get his diploma. When we make eye contact, he seems puzzled but a smile quickly lights up his face. I return a proud smile. He points to his hair and I glance at him confused. What? Then he points to me. I reached out to touch my usual bun but I come in contact with my hair, wild and free. He gives me thumbs up and mouths, “you're perfect”. Surprisingly, I don't have problem with it. Sometimes to live in the moment, one has to let loose and not care about the consequences. Sometimes you just have to find perfection in imperfection. And once you do, everything falls into place. Just like my hair.

 

“It feels like an ending of a story,” My brother says to me at the after party.

“No, it's just the beginning. I promise.” I smile at him.

“May I have this dance?”

I laugh and I accept. It's a new beginning.

 

~

 

Sometimes carefully placing your steps is not the way to cross the ice. Being careful by spreading salt on it will just make it harder to reach your goal. But running ahead of the dangerous fractures is the only way to cross the pond.

 

 

 

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