Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Stones of Summer: Instinct ❯ Early Fall/18 ( Chapter 8 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

“She's not here?” I stared cautiously at the grains of the door, expecting it to open.
“I'll go check the outer perimeter. She can't have gotten far.” Chris left, I still could hear his footsteps.
“Be careful, Myali is prowling!” Mom yelled after him. The tigers were back. There was some shuffling around in my room before my parents left. The screen door slammed behind them, signaling their departure from the house. I exhaled noisily and laid back in the cramped space. I would have to face them some time, but right now, I wanted to hide. I wanted to disappear. I was overwhelmed. This was too much for my brain to work through. On top of everything that had happened, no one knew it had happened. I was alone. I had been abandoned.

“Hi honey. We've been looking all over for you.” She hugged me and I fought not to shudder. She let me go and was passing through the house again. She called from the kitchen and I followed the sound of her voice. She gave me another smile, although this one, just like the last, seemed hesitant, guarded.
“Jance?” I whipped around to face her, my eyes wide.
“I'm sorry, what?” The words felt foreign on my tongue. I was not used to speaking English, or speaking at all. It was odd to have to think about the words I wanted to say before I could actually say them. She stared at me, her eyes expressing the urge to throw a dozen questions and demands at me, but she held her tongue, instead shaking her head and smiling sorrowfully. She pressed her lips to my brow and she hugged me once more.
“It's good to have you home, we all missed you very much.” My heart ached. She could not possibly know the affect those words had on my heart. I hugged her back, pretty sure my embrace was more painful than she had expected.
“Me too mom, me too.” I whispered, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. Finally I pushed away and looked away.
“Do you need any help with anything?” She looked at me more shocked then when she had first nearly run me over.
“Um, oh, well, You can help us unpack.” She gave me a suspicious look and I nodded, moving outside. Just as I reached the trucks, dad popped up from nowhere, making me lurch back in surprise. He stared at me quizzically before handing me a box filled with neatly filed papers. I dropped them in the office and then went back for more. When I got there, nearly everyone was there, speaking in low tones. As dad and mom passed me, both with things piled high in their arms, they glanced at me and then each other. Ferguson patted me on the head as he called that he was 'gonna go check on the younger she-tigers to make sure they had made it alright.' I cringed and turned back to the truck in hopes that no one would see my reaction. I turned right into the full gale of Chris's stare. He was pulling things out of the truck and stacking them on the ground. I picked up a suitcase, struggling with the weight. Without a word he took it from me, strutting past me in seconds. I picked up the next box and moved into the house to place it down on the kitchen table. I didn't even know what was in it, but I didn't want to be anywhere else.
“You okay?” I froze and exhaled slowly through my mouth. Turning slowly, I was astounded at how well everyone was sneaking up on me.
“Are you okay?” I drummed my finger tips on the table and shifted my weight. Was I okay?
“Nothing. Just wanted to know if you needed any help...” Mom stopped, turned toward me with a raised eyebrow and quirked lips. I met her gaze evenly, daring her to ask the questions she wanted to ask.
“Good god Chris, what happened to you?” He shirt was drenched in sweat and he was bright red in the face. When he reached us he leaned down on his knees to gain his breath. Once his color started to turn back to normal and his breaths slowed, he glared up at me accusingly.
“When did you get so fast and get so much endurance?” I couldn't help the smile, and mimicking mom, I shrugged.
“Chris! What happened?” He dropped to his bottom, falling out on to his back to rest. Mom knelt down next to him and placed two fingers against his neck.
“Jan honey, go get a cool rag and some water, would you?” I nodded and took off toward home. I stopped when I entered into the living room, bowing my head and closing my eyes in respects to Way. Mom calling my name brought me back to reality and I hurried to get the rag and water.

“Chris, you shouldn't push yourself so much in this heat. Next time, it could really be bad.” Mom, for the hundredth time, chastised Chris for overexerting himself.
“Jan-” I jumped up from my seat. I couldn't let that happen! But what could I do?
“I'm sorry.” I murmured, and then looked up again. “I was running.” Mentally, I cringed at how that had come out. It sounded like a finality, like I was running away.
“What are the lyrics? Maybe I know it.” I frowned. I didn't want to share this memory of Waylen with anyone else.
“Honey, we're going to the market today,” She stopped and looked my room over. I had found it easier if I just kept it cleaned at all times. She recovered quick enough though. “Do you want to come with us?” I blinked slowly. My brain didn't quite process what she was saying.
“Okay. You sure you're feeling okay?” I gave my best smile, a poor rendition of ones she was probably use to, and nodded, waving my hand.
“Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, don't worry about me.” Her head tilted and she gazed at me softly.
“Okay, well, there are left overs in the fridge, don't let Chris push you around, he was told to clean the office. I'm sure with the two of you doing it, it'll get down twice as fast. And tell him to lay off the cheese puffs, he's got high blood pressure already.” I grinned and nodded when in reality I wanted to throw myself down and groan. Why was he staying!? He was the one I was most worried about, he seemed to be the only one who dared to ask me questions.
I grabbed a pair of socks and toed on an older pair of converse, they were light yellow and completely clashed with the red shorts and white shirt I was wearing.
“Way?” I cried weakly, staring up at him blearily, water streaming down my face.
“What is wrong with you? You can't swim!” My feet found ground and I frowned, looking around, not sure where I was.
“No. No. Swim, no. Yes, yes, swim. I can.” I fought myself, I was two different people in one body, both begging to be heard. I looked frightened and confused to Chris. “I can, I can.” He shook his head no, the water flinging out of the strands of his hair. I frowned harder, my brow crinkling in. I shook my head with him. “No?” I looked to the water, not knowing who I was anymore. I pushed away from him, stumbling on the uneven stones. I held my head, wanting to puke and cry and scream and die and disappear, but didn't know which to do first.
“No, no. I can't swim, but I can, I know. He promised.” Tears, hot and quick, moved down my cheeks. I stumbled to my knees and screamed when my face came too close to the water. I forced myself to crawl out of the water, my knees scraping and my hands pinched. I huddled in the crevice of a fallen tree, not caring about the bugs crawling up my back and legs. Chris stood in the water, staring, watching me. I buried my head in my bleeding knees and fought not to sob.

“And when did you get so light?” He dumped me on my bed, and I landed with an 'oomph'. I felt his fingers trail against my neck.
“Whats this mean?” I pulled away, moving to yank off my shoes.
“It doesn't matter.” He laughed.
“Wait, does it really say that, or are you saying it doesn't matter?” I glared at him and he flopped out on my bed. I winced as I removed the band in my hair. Said hair fell around my shoulders, still an uneven mess. I ran a hand through it feeling line of wet from where the band had kept the water. I was forced by all means to fall back beside him with my hair piling up around my head when he reached over and tugged on the hem of my shorts.
“What was that for?” He grunted and threw his arms over his head. He smelled, horribly. I turned on my side to ride myself of his stench.
“You try and cut your hair or somethin'?” This time I grunted and buried my fingers in my deer skin. He chuckled.
“Later on, I'll cut it for you, it looks horrendous.” Closing my eyes, I tried not to think of how it had ended up this way. I tried not to remember any of those men, or what they did to me. Even now, it made me sick laying in the same bed as Wa...Chris. Way was dead. It was even harder accepting that.
“Where'd you get this?” I gazed at him from the corner of my eye and instantly bristled as I saw him reach out to touch Way's jacket. I sprang to my feet and ripped the jacket away, clutching it to my chest.
“Don't touch that!” The yell had come out louder than I thought possible. He leaned away, dropping his hand and gave me a look.
“You don't understand, it isn't that easy. Nothing is ever that easy. Besides, I like being liked. I don't want to be hated. And anyway, I was told to forget it, and I'm trying.” Now I looked up at him, trying to make him understand. “I'm pretty sure talking about it will reverse the affect.” He sat up, looking away.
“Whatever it is, you're not going to be hated. We're your family, we're not going to disown you or anything. Have some faith in us.” I wrapped myself around his jacket and whispered
“It's not you I don't have faith in, I've lost all my faith in me. I made a mistake, and I'll never recover form it. It isn't possible to recover from it.” He stood and went to the door.
“You can't hang on to I forever, it'll kill you inside. Whatever it is, you can't be fully to blame. Forgetting won't solve everything, like your hair, or that tattoo, or the scars all over your back. The physical reminders will be there everyday, are you going to forget them too?” I shrugged and glowered at the floor.
“I can try.”

Seconds.
Food.
I was suddenly thrust into light. My eyes shot opened as Chris pulled me from my nest of blankets, catching me just in time for me to lean over and vomit onto the floor. Only a bit of clear spittle came up, but violent heaves threatened to overwhelm me. Chris had a hand wrapped around both my wrists and his other arm pulling me from the closest. We tumbled into a pile on the floor. It took my a few minutes to calm down enough to breathe steadily. I was soaked in sweat and was flushed. My face had been wet with tears. Tentatively, Chris pulled me up and held me, afraid I would pass out, which I might have.
“What is going on?” He whispered fiercely.

“It's not my fault.” I grumbled and turned away from him. It was too early for this. I was hauled from bed and dragged through the hall. I stumbled the entire time, never actually gaining my feet.
“Where are you taking me?” I mumbled, still half asleep. I tripped and nearly went face first into the kitchen table, stopping myself at the edge.
“Do you see this?” Looking up, my stomach dropped. Mom and dad were sitting at said table, staring up at the both of us before their eyes settled on me. I yanked my arms back from Chris and wrapped them around myself, trying to cover up as much as I could.
“Jance, honey, you look sick! Have you been starving yourself?!” Mom's outraged worry nearly forced me to tears. I blinked and took a few steps back, away from them.
“N-n-no. I haven't been,” I looked around, looking for a way out. A strong hand gripped my elbow tightly and I jumped, whirling around to see dad with his mouth opened in shock and his eyes questioning. I tried to yank myself free, but his hold just tightened.
“Jancy, what have you done? Do you realize how unhealthy this is?” He whispered. I couldn't stop the tears from falling, nor could I stop my desperate need to get out, to get away. They were cornering me.
“Please, please, let me go.” I begged, sobbing. Dad looked torn. I knew he was concerned for me, but he couldn't help me. Not now. This was something I had gotten myself into. If I ever wanted to get out, I would have to do it on my own. He lowered his arm.
“Honey, we're concerned. If I had known this was this bad, I would have taken you to the doctors, or stuffed bacon down your throat...” He trailed off looking terrified. I chuckled and swiped my hand across my eyes.
“I think I'll take the bacon, I mean it when I say I wasn't starving myself.” I met his gaze, trying to make him see that I was telling the truth. He nodded slowly. It was evident that he didn't believe me completely, but he wanted to. He wanted to believe I was still the little girl he saw me as.
“Let me go! Don't touch me!” I scratched and kicked, flailing until I finally slammed against the floor. My head smacked hard and I saw stars, but I kept moving. I crawled backwards until my back hit a wall where I curled up and cried. My heart thundered mercilessly as I tried to make myself rational. All I could see were those men and their ugly faces as they dragged me off screaming. I shuddered violently.
“Jance, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt yo-” I leaned over, bracing myself on the floor with both hands and emptied my stomach. My vision was clouded over by visions of that night and the severe pain I had been in for days. Unconsciously, I clenched my knees together and drew them to my body despite my retching.
“You two go away, I want to talk to Jancy alone.” Mom demanded, driving both men out the front door. They didn't make it easy. I leaned down and picked up a box from the floor, holding it in my hands just to have something for my fingers to do. The screen door closed with a 'click' along with the heavier oak door. Both were locked. I felt my heart sped up. She locked me in!
“If its all the same, I think I'll go to bed now.” It didn't even matter that it was the middle of the afternoon. She frowned deeply with a hand reaching out to me, and nodded. I wasn't about to remark on her forgetfulness.

“And do you see the clothes she's wearing! She's acting as if its the middle of winter in Russian! She's going to get heat stroke!” Mom, dad and the other members of their team argued and commented back and forth on my change in appearance, how my face looked thinner, and my change in behavior.
“Hello? Julie? Hi! It's Kristine! I know, it's been a while. Actually I'm calling because of Jan. Oh well actually I wanted to talk to you about that. Do you know if anything happened while she was there-” There was a pause in the conversation when you could have heard a needle drop.
“-Of course I don't just let her go running about, no I didn't bother looking into it! She was bound and determined to go-” I hated every minute of sitting on this side of the wall. I wanted so badly to go out there right now and spill everything. I wanted to puke the entire tale up, right on the table, for everyone to see, but I couldn't. I would loose everything I was.
“-Oh. Oh god, you don't think? Did they recover any of the wreckage? Where did you say it landed? Russia? Well now, that's impossible, that's nearly two thousand miles from here... you don't think-” I held my breath. Of course Aunt Julie would have heard about the crash! She actually lived in civilization!
“I'm ruined.” I whispered to the darkness. Jumping up, I pulled on the heaviest clothes I had, tugging on layers. I fished in the closest to grab Way's jacket, the deer skin and a bag I had put together with some non perishable food products. Crackers were my friends.
Yanking the window open, a strong breeze blew in, making my door creak. All conversation stopped in the other room. I jumped out, slinging the bag over my shoulder and took off.
Right now, running was all I had.