Other Fan Fiction ❯ [MSTing]MFT9K Episode IV: A Broken Heart ❯ The Complete MSTing ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

By: Kyronea

*Turn The Lights Off*

(Things Just Look Better That Way)

DISCLAIMER: Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and its characters are copyrighted by Best Brains Inc. and are borrowed under the Fair Rights Use Act for the sake of humour only. No money is made from the production of this MSTing.

Any and all mentions of songs, fictional works, television shows, ect are copyrighted and owned by their respective creators and are used under the Fair Rights Use Act for the sake of humour only.

Back to the Future and its associated characters are copyright by Bob Gale, Robert Zemeckis and Universal Studios.

A Broken Heart is the property of Lacinda Q and is borrowed for the sake of MSTing. Please note that no insult or offense is meant by this MSTing; it is meant, instead, as simply another form of C&C. The original, un-MSTed version is linked at the end of this MSTing.

MYSTERY FANFIC THEATRE 9000
BY: Kyronea
EPISODE IV: A Broken Heart

(Cue Theme Song In Five...Four...Three...Two....One...)

In The Not Too Distant Future

In an Alternate Universe

Mike Nelson and Joel Robinson

Are Plagued By An Endless Curse

Caught By Forrester and His Mother Pearl

Two Evil Scientists Out To Rule The World

Their Experiment Needed a Good Test Case

So They Tied Up Mike and Joel and Shot 'Em Into Space!

MIKE : LET! US! DOWN!

JOEL: OH GOD NOT AGAIN!

PEARL AND CLAYTON:

We'll Send Them Cheesy Fanfics!

The Worst We Can Find! (La-La-La!)

They'll Have To Sit And Read Them All

While We Monitor Their Minds! (La-La-La!)

Now Mike And Joel Have No Control

Over When the Fanfic's Begin Or End

Because They Used Those Special Parts

To Remake Their Robot Friends!

ROBOT ROLL CALL:

CAMBOT! (Let's Go!)

GYPSY! (I'll Take Care Of Ya!)

TOM SERVO! (Isn't This Fun?!)

CROOOOOOOOW! (Again! Again!)

If You're Wondering How They Eat And Breath

Or Other Science Facts (La-La-La!)

Just Repeat To Yourself: "It's Just A MiST!"

"I Should Really Just Relax!"

For Mystery Fanfic Theatre 9000!

“Hey, Joel, don't worry about the invention; I'll take care of it this time.”

“Uh...you sure, Mike...?”

“Yeah, don't sweat it.”

Of course, Joel found that advice, much like a horse pill, quite hard to swallow. It wasn't that Joel didn't trust his friend; he certainly did, since, after all, in order to live in space successfully one has to trust the people one lives with. He simply felt that Mike was not exactly mechanically inclined...it was actually the main reason he'd left Mike out of the inventions. (That, and he didn't want to make their life on the Satellite all about invention making, which as he knew from experience would quickly grow quite boring.)

With a sigh, Joel walked onto the bridge, where he noticed Cambot's active lens peering at a table where Crow, Tom, and Gypsy sat. Joel bent over so his face was caught by the camera. “Hiya folks,” he greeted. “Welcome to the Satellite of Love. Looks like the Bots are busy playing poker, so let's watch, shall we?”

Tom wore a green visor on his head, whistling a cheerful tune as he dealt a face-down and face-up to his fellow Bots and himself. “Hmm...looks like my bet!” he said gamely, gesturing towards his shown Ace of Clubs; Gypsy had a Jack of Hearts while Crow had a Jack of Spades. Peering at his face-down card, he pushed a yellow token stamped with Crow's face and the numeral “10” into the centre. Gypsy matched his bet.

Crow tossed in a matching token along with a purple token stamped with Gypsy's face that bore the numeral “XXX.” “I'll match ya and raise ya thirty more,” he drawled.

“Oooh, Goldilocks is feeling pret-ty confident,” Tom commented as he matched Crow's bet. Gypsy wordlessly did the same.

Tom dealt the next cards: a nine of Diamonds for himself, and twin Queens to Gypsy and Crow, matching the suits of their Jacks. “Uh...” He waggled his head and looked over at Joel. “Hey, uh, Joel...what—?”

Joel shrugged. “Tie means dealer bets...I think.”

“Eh, we'll roll with that.” Tom took a careful look at his hand again and then tossed in a shiny red Tom chip. “50 it is!”

“Hmph!” Gypsy tossed in one of her own Tom chips and followed up with a pale green Mike chip, worth 100. She glared at Crow as if daring him to try and match it.

Crow matched it easily and raised three more Mike chips. Tom sighed. “I fold...” he muttered as he flipped over a worthless two of Spades and then his entire hand face-down.

Gypsy's glare intensified as she tossed in 300 more. “Deal, Tom!”

With a sigh, Tom tossed them their new cards: A pair of Kings, again with matching suites. “Hoo boy...” he groaned. With a rolling shake of his gumball holder, he produced a coin and flipped it. “Crow bets.”

Crow immediately tossed in two Mike chips and a maroon Joel chip labeled with the numeral “D.” He smirked.

Gypsy rolled her eye and easily matched his bet, and then finally grabbed her three black Cambot tokens(each stamped with a shiny white “M”) and tossed them into the pile with a loud clink. After a moment's thought, she shoved the rest of her chips in as well.

Tom whistled in surprise as Crow did the same. “Woah...” After a moment, he managed to deal the last two cards.

Shockingly—or not, as the case may be—the last two cards were Aces, one of Spades, the other Hearts.

Gypsy stared deeply into Crow's eyes. “So, what's it gonna be, Crow?” Gypsy said in a Western knock-off accent.

Crow glowered back just as deeply. He chuckled, matching Gypy's accent. “Go ahead. Make my day.” He waved his hand and his last card turned over.

With a flourish wave of her tube-like body, Gypsy flipped her own card.

Everyone gasped, and then immediately fell over in an anime-style face fault; the two cards were worthless deuces. “Well that was fun,” Tom muttered sarcastically.

A red light washed over the bridge. “Heads up, the three heads of Cerberus are calling,” Joel quipped as he tapped a crimson button.

Dr. Forrester and Pearl grinned their characteristic sadistic smirks as they stared at Joel and the Bots, though after a moment Pearl frowned. “And where is Mike? He'd better not be making a habit of being late! It's rude!”

Gypsy called for Mike as Joel grinned sheepishly. “He'll be here...he made the invention this week.”

“Oh?” Dr. Forrester folded his arms over his chest, rumpling his freshly pressed lab coat in a gesture of “This should be good.”

Mike came walking onto the bridge whistling as he pulled a large, covered cart after himself, setting it neatly in front of the centre island panel. “Hiya, Dr. F, Pearl.” He waved.

Pearl rolled her eyes. “Just get on with it; we don't have all day.”

Mike smiled and pulled the cover off of his cart, revealing an assortment of odd items. “Well, I've been playing a lot of old games lately—“ he winked at Cambot “—and I thought I'd make a tribute to the Quest for Glory series with these cool knick-knacks!”

Joel and the Bots stared, rather confused.

He picked up a pair of glasses; a paper label hung off a string bearing the name “Ali Fakir's Genuine X-Ray Glasses.” “See, I've got the glasses from Trial By Fire!” He waggled his eyebrows and then picked up a fancy looking sword and shield. “And a fake Soulforge and Piotyr's shield for when you feel like a Paladin.” He set them down and snatched up a rather ugly looking doll along with a pewter statue of a dragon. “Kids love the Baba Yaga doll, and adults can enjoy this fine statue!” He snatched up the final item. “And of course, you could always use some Quest for Glory brand garlic!”

“Err...” Joel and the Bots muttered, but Mike held up a hand as if to say, “I'm not done!”

With a grunt of effort Mike hauled a large gadget up from the bottom of the cart; it looked vaguely like an Easy Bake Oven, only much larger, with all sorts of lethal looking wires and antennae and Tesla coils, along with lots of confusing looking knobs and switches. Upon its top it bore, in blood-crimson letters, “Dr. Cranium's Scientific Food Preparation Device.”

“And if you ever feel the urge for some grub, just dial in your choice on the SFPD here...” Mike manipulated a few controls and pressed the activation button. The machine made a number of loud snaps and crackles of electricity as it shook and roiled and generally looked rather like it might explode. Not wanting to risk their lives, Joel and the Bots dived under the console and huddled together, heads down.

So of course they were surprised when the SFPD, rather than violently spilling its innards, simply rang a loud bell and opened up to reveal a steaming, fresh pizza—piled high with pepperoni, mushrooms, garlic, black olives, and green peppers—and two bottles of Erasmus's Rootin' Tootin' Root Beer. Mike took a slice and chowed down with a satisfied smile; the pizza was of course superb. “What do you think?” he said around the food.

Dr. Forrester and Pearl were staring, faintly disgusted. “I think you need to get a life, Mike,” Pearl said. “Really...get a life!”

Mike stared at the floor, mildly upset.

Joel and the Bots scrambled out from under the console and each grabbed a slice of pizza. “You did pretty good for your first try, Mike,” Joel said. “I really like the pizza, too!” Mike beamed.

“Well if you're done congratulating yourselves, we've got our own invention to show!” Dr. Forrester waved for Erhardt, who came bearing a small controller; he handed it to Dr. Forrester and then quickly returned to his maintenance of the nuclear reactor, not particularly inclined to give his bosses a chance to get upset with him after his torture last week.

Dr. Forrester held the controller up to the viewscreen. “See this?”

Mike, Joel and the Bots looked at it carefully. “What's it do?” Crow asked.

Pearl snatched it from her son's hands. “It controls the Chronistic Renovation and Alteration Prevention shield!”

“The what?” Joel and Mike said, baffled.

“Whatever it is, it sounds pretty CRAP-y to me...” Tom giggled.

Pearl explained, “See, we were thinking about how Joel here invented some alternate universe portal on his own.”

“And we thought,” Dr. Forrester continued, “that if Joelarooni here could whip that up, someone else might make a time machine or something!”

“We can't have that!” Pearl glowered. “The last thing we need is someone acting the Hero inventing a time machine and going back to before we took over the world and stopping us!”

“So we made this shield to protect us from changes in the timeline!” Dr. Forrester smirked. “I know, it's selfish, but hey, we're evil. What do we care?”

“We had one installed on the Satellite too, just in case!” Pearl winked.

“So that's what that weird module was...” Gypsy muttered to herself as she left the bridge to get back to her maintenance duties.

“Have you tested it yet?” Crow wondered.

Dr. Forrester's glasses fogged up. “Of course we haven't, you idiot! There aren't any time machines yet!”

Crow recoiled. “Geez, sorry I asked...”

“And speaking of time machines,” Pearl interjected, eager to get the experiment underway, “we've got something from Back to the Future for you this week!”.

“Your fic is a torrid tale of friendship—and something a little more,” Dr. Forrester said, holding up the fic. “It's A Broken Heart by Lacinda Q, and sorry, there won't be any Qs to save you.” He giggled at his wit as he fed it into the feeder. “Enjoy!”

The viewscreen switched off. “You know,” Mike said, “I'm starting to notice a pattern to their inventions...”

“Gee, ya think?” Tom said.

Klaxons wailed and lights flashed. Joel screamed, “We've got FANFIC sign!”

(DOOR SIX: A Velvet Curtain Opens Up)

(DOOR FIVE: An Iris Straight Out Of Stargate SG-1 Whirls Open)

(DOOR FOUR: A Door From Star Trek: TOS, Complete With The Sound, Opens)

(DOOR THREE: A Thick Iron Blast Shield Lowers Into The Floor)

(DOOR TWO: A Buzzing Forcefield Deactivates)

(DOOR ONE: Twin Vault-Style Wheels Spin And The Door Opens Up To Either Side)

Joel carried Tom into the theatre and placed him on the far left chair, sitting down next to him. Mike sat on Joel's right and Crow sat in the far-most right seat. They sat in silence and the fic started up.

> A Broken Heart

TOM: The Conners strike again!

> By Lacinda Q

CROW(Q): No relation.

> Disclaimer: I do not own Back to the Future nor am I making money

> from using the concept or the Characters. The Story is mine.

MIKE(Author): It's mine, you hear?! All mine! BWAHAHAHA!

> This is story has not been revised yet so there may be grammatical errors.

TOM: Read: stormy seas ahead.

JOEL(Doc): Marty, you've got to come back with me!

CROW(Marty): Where?

JOEL(Doc): Back to the spellchecker!

> I am posting it any way because this is the first story I have

> completed. Once I have revised the story I'll repost it deleting the

> unrevised version but with a note saying that it has been replaced.

CROW(Author): In the meantime, please enjoy the complimentary snacks

and beverages.

> Positive and helpful remarks are welcome but flames will be ignored

> so don't send any.

*Mike and the Bots put down the flamethrowers they were holding*

MIKE&BOTS: Aww...

> Martin Seamus McFly is best friends with Emmet Lathrop Brown a

> scientist who invented a time machine.

TOM: As opposed to a scientist who invented a laser-powered refrigerator.

> Take in account the first three movies; the story begins after Doc Brown

> takes his family back to the past. Open with Jennifer and Marty picking up

> the pieces of the Delorn and putting them in the back of the truck.

CROW: While wondering just where the DeLorean ended up.

MIKE(Marty): I left it right here, I swear!

> Marty is thinking about all that has happen in the past three month, which to

> Jennifer has only been two days.

JOEL: Jennifer was rather fond of taking comas.

> He saw what happened to him and Jennifer in the future he does not

> like what he saw and he knows in his heart that it was not fair to

> Jennifer to keep lying to her.

TOM(Marty): And yet, she can't handle the truth! What am I gonna do?!

> He had just lost Doc he really did not think he was ever going to see him

> again and he knew he was going to lose Jennifer.

CROW(Marty): And I can't even find the lost and found!

> God,

JOEL: We're sorry, but God is unavailable at the moment. If you could just leave

your name and prayer at the tone, a seraph or angel will get back to you as soon

as possible.

> He lost Doc three times in three months. First, he lost him to the Terrorist,

MIKE: Is that anything like the Fugitive?

> then the Lightning storm, and then seeing that grave with his name on it was almost

> too much to bear.

TOM: And then there was that time at Stuckey's...

> At least he new now even if he never saw him again Doc was not alone he

> had a family and he was happy that is all threat matter.

*Everyone giggles*

CROW: Boy, Doc's family must be pretty dangerous.

JOEL: Well, they DO live in the Wild West...

> Marty and Jennifer got in the truck and drove to Doc.

MIKE: I guess he saw him again, then.

> Marty sat down with Jennifer and had a frank with her.

TOM(Doc): Oh...I don't get one? No, that's okay...I'll just sit over here

and feel left out...like always...

> He did not tell her the complete truth on why he thought they should break up

JOEL(Marty): I can't admit the Folger's Crystal mixup with the flux capacitor!

CROW: Joel, are you EVER going to stop making references to Folger's Crystals?

JOEL: Nope!

> but he did not have to he thought Jennifer was glad that he was breaking up with her

TOM: Boy, did he misread THAT one!

MIKE(Jennifer): Glad?! GLAD?! YOU THINK I'M GLAD?!

CROW(Marty): Well you do use Glad brand trash bags...

> Marty thought the Future of them together put her off dating him.

MIKE(Marty): Oh, sure, she said it was just an awful dream and gave me a big

hug when I woke her up and didn't even give the slightest HINT of it putting her

off dating me—

JOEL: Let it go, Mike.

*Mike crosses his arms over his chest and pouts*

> Mary took Jennifer home. He was know completely alone Jennifer was

> gone.

TOM(Announcer): Have you seen this girl?

> She said they would still be friends but he did not think she

> really meant it He guesses he was just too weird for her.

JOEL(Marty): Oh well. Back to my collection of President-shaped peas!

> Marty went back to the Docs Lab and began to clean up he picked up

> the mess were he blew up the big amp and tided up the Docs

> experiments

TOM: And then he flooded the room with Downy.

CROW: Doc would later wonder why Marty had completely ruined everything...

> he was sad. This was probably the last time he cleaned up

> after Doc.

MIKE(Marty): I'm gonna miss the drunken nights partying...and the vomit...

> Marty took every thing that had to do with the time

> experiment or what he that might be apart of it and destroyed it

JOEL(Marty): MARTY SMASH!

> mostly be taking every thing apart and putting the parts in the right

> place.

JOEL(Marty): MARTY TIDY!

> The Docs notes he burned. The Doc would not need them after

> all he built another time machine with out them.

TOM(Doc): Well, time to go get my old notes for the memories and—OH
MY GOD MARTY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

> After making sure there was nothing any one could still to build

> another time machine, not that any one would know to still something,

CROW: Except for the beer makers, of course.

> Marty started cleaning Docs personal space. He turned off the dog

> feeder and breakfast maker and cleaned up the mess.

MIKE: Doc would often get the two mixed up.

JOEL: Eh, he probably never noticed.

> When he got to the Docs bed and saw the picture of Doc and he in front

> of Garage decorated for Christmas, Marty broke down and cried he cried

> himself to sleep holding the picture frame.

*Tom imitates the sound of glass breaking*

CROW: His hands would never recover...

> Marty woke up with a headache crying him self to sleep was not a good

> idea.

MIKE: I coulda told you that...

> There was not much left for him to do. It was not as if the Doc

> was going to be back to make a mess for him to clean up.

CROW: How would that work anyway? “Oh, hi Marty, here, have a mess!”
“Gee, thanks for making my life more difficult, Doc!”

> Owe! God,

JOEL: Repeating today's earlier prayer bulletin...

> he was going to mess him.

TOM(Marty): Rotten tomatoes, bad apples, overripe bananas...he's gonna get

it and good!

> He was his best friend, the person that he felt the most comfortable with and

> the only person he.

MIKE: ...could confide in?

CROW: ...could share jokes with?

JOEL: ...could do the Funky Chicken with?

MIKE&BOTS: ...

> Well it was probably best not to dwell on it. Marty locked up the lab and

> drove home.

TOM: Stopping to get some high quality booze on the way.

CROW(Marty): Ahh...sweet booze...you'll never leave me...

> His Mom asked him about the lake. He told her that Jennifer and he

> had broken up.

MIKE(Lorain): That's lovely dear, but what about the lake?

> His Dad told him their were other fish in the sea.

> However, the problem was he did not want a fish.

JOEL(Marty): I want a pony!

> What he wanted was a married man who had two kids.

MIKE: He wants Ozzy Osbourne?

> Hell, what he wanted did not really matter. He was never going to have it.

CROW: Well, if he waits till 2008...

> He has to get on with his life he needs to put things in perspective.

TOM(Marty): I mean, it's not like I live in San Francisco.

> The only thing that was going to get him through this was knowing

> that Doc was fine and happy. That had to get him throw this it was

> the only thing he had left.

CROW: That, and sweet, sweet booze...

*Crow pulls out a bottle of beer and cradles it. The others stare at him*

> Sure, he still had his family but he still had double memories of how

> they used to be.

ALL(Singing): Double your memories, double your fun!

> He could not forget that when things were bad they did not have time for

> him that they did not love him enough to look after him. If it was not for Doc,

> he probably would have ended up dead or a real shit head.

TOM: As opposed to those fake shit heads.

CROW: They can never get the stink right on those.

> Marty went to school the next Monday every thing seemed to be a bit

> disconnected to Marty.

JOEL(Marty): Oh, no, wait, that's just the lights. Someone call an electrician!

> Things felt a little unreal. Every know and then Marty would think of something

> he wanted to till Doc later. Then he remembered Doc was gone. His best friend

> was gone Marty was alone.

MIKE: For those of you just tuning in...

> It hurt. He felt and emptiness in his chest he wanted to curl up and cry.

> Marty left school after third period he could not stand it any

> more.

JOEL(Marty): I vill not stand for this!

> He went to Docs lap on his skateboard he did not trust himself

> enough to drive.

MIKE: Gets straight to the point, doesn't he?

> He let himself in lay done on the bed and cried he

> let it all out the anguish the pain, anger, and loneliness. He let

> himself go screaming his pain. He cried himself to sleep.

CROW(Rocky J. Squirrel): Again?!

TOM: This time he'll have a migraine!

> He felt a hand stroking through his hair he could smell Doc that

> unique smell that made him feel safe and wanted.

MIKE(Bashir): It's earthy with a touch of lilac.

JOEL: I'd've guessed brown roses myself...

> Marty woke up “Doc.” Then it came crashing down again Doc was

> gone. Marty buried his face into the pillow and began crying in earnest.

CROW(Bert): Go get your own puppet, moocher!

JOEL: Crow, no...

> “Owe, Marty.” Said Emmett “Doc” Brown.

TOM: As opposed to Emmett “Shirley Temple” Brown.

> Marty froze, he looked up there was Doc sitting on the side of the

> bed.

CROW(Marty): DOC!

MIKE(Doc): Howdy.

> “Doc.” Marty smiled but then he frond, “Where's Clara and the kids?”

TOM(Doc): Reinventing the Wheelers.

> “There not here Marty,” said Doc.

CROW(Doc): There is there. Here is here.

JOEL: Thank you, Instructor Dan.

> “Why not?” asked Marty.

> “Because we need to talk Marty,” Doc

TOM(Doc): You've been sleep-driving again...

> Marty looked confused at Doctor Brown and turned towards him on the

> bed, “About what?”

MIKE(Doc): Going to Sonic; you kept saying something about getting a

lime slushy and some popcorn chicken.

> “Why did you stop seeing Jennifer for starters,” continued Doc. Marty

> started to talk but stopped himself and pursed his lips together then

> began speaking, “Because she was my friend and I didn't want to hurt

> her.”

TOM(Marty): I just wanted to cover her in syrup!

> “But the future isn't set in stone, Marty” It's what you make of it.”

CROW(Marty): Well maybe I WANT to make it out of stone! You ever think

of that, bucko?!

JOEL: And we know that since he broke up with Jennifer when before he

married her...what's Doc's point again?

> “I know Doc that wasn't what I meant.”

CROW(Marty): Okay, okay, so I actually want to make it out of muffins.

Big deal!

> Doctor Brown let out a sigh, “Then what did you mean.”

> “It wasn't right to expect her to be happy in a loveless marriage,

> for one thing. I wouldn`t have been happy either”

MIKE(Marty): Now, a loveless marriage with Nicole de Boer, on the

other hand...

> Shouting, “What!” Doc stood up and began passing the room.

TOM(Sports Announcer): And it's a long Hail Mary down the centre to

Wide Receiver Marty McFly and he catches it beautifully; there's no one

near him! He's to the thirty, the twenty, the ten...HE'S IN! TOUCHDOWN!

> “I like Jennifer doc, don't get me wrong, but I don't love her. I'm

> not in love with her and I never will be”

JOEL(Marty): It was just a phase I was going through!

> “Great Scott, I wasn't expecting this. You acted so in love with her

> Marty.”

CROW(Doc): You'll be a shoe-in for that Oscar now!

> “Yeah Doc, Acted being the operated word.”

> Doctor Brown sat back down off the edge of the bed, “But why?”

MIKE: For the Angels, darling. It was always for the Angels!

> “Why act like I was in love?” asked Marty laying back down angst the

> pillow on the bed.

TOM: When Pillows Cut Themselves: A Tragic Story.

> Doc nodded his head.

> “Because it was expected by Jen, my mom, and you.”

> “Me,” said Doc started.

> “Yeah Doc, you.”

ALL(Singing): It's all your fault! It's all your fault!

> “Marty, I'd never want you to pretend to be in love.”

> “But you did want me to have a girlfriend.”

MIKE(Doc): Well, sure, 'cause it's hip!

> “Of course Marty you're a young man you need friends, and at your age

> a girlfriend some one you care about and want to become closer to. I

> did not mean for you to ask the first girl you came across.

JOEL(Doc): Ask the second one instead! They're shier, but much nicer!

> Surely their was some girl?”

> Marty shook his head.

> “Marty, I don't understand.”

MIKE(Strong Bad): You all understand! I mean don't understand...

> “What's their to understand, their isn't one girl in hill valley that

> I want to date.”

CROW(Marty): I wanna date them all!

TOM: Marty was often known as “Tatewaki Kuno...”

> “But that's it Marty when I looked in on you in the future….” started

> doc brown but Marty interrupted him, “I thought you were going to

> stop doing that doc.”

JOEL(Doc): I can't help it! It makes life worth living!

> “Well, I'm glad I didn't. Marty I checked, you never dated after

> Jennifer. You never marry or have children.”

MIKE(Doc): Plenty of cats, though.

> “Does it matter?” asked Marty.

> “Yes!” shouted Doc Brown upset over what Marty was saying.

CROW: We can see that.

> “Why?” said Marty with a frown.

> “Because I want you to be happy!” he yelled.

MIKE(Marty): But I thought happiness was like a box of chocolates!

JOEL: No, that's life.

> “Who says I won't be?” countered Marty.

CROW: The entire history of civilization?

> “I checked Marty, in no way are you happy for the remainder of your

> life. I checked the time line after yesterdays date no event occurs

> that would change this.”

TOM: Yes, you heard it here folks: If you don't get married and have kids,

you can't be happy!

MIKE: Doc's dialog sponsored by the Family Research Council.

> “So, what you come back in time or is it from the future to… what

> order me to be happy!” shouted Marty.

> “Yes!” yelled Doc, “I mean no.”

JOEL(Doc): I mean biscuits! Look, what do you want from me?!

> “Well which is it.” Marty said thru clenched teeth.

> “No of course, but Marty.” said Doc in a sad voice.

CROW(Doc): I do wish you'd stop clenching your teeth. The dentist bills

are expensive!

> “What?” Marty asked looking away from Doc.

> “What changed?” he asked truly perplexed.

JOEL(Marty): I got a hair cut! Geez, you never notice anything!

> Marty turned back to Doc, “Excuse me, are you telling me that with

> you're…” Marty stopped took a deep breath and calmed himself down,

> “your genius brain you haven't figured out what has changed.”

> “No.” Doc said simply.

TOM: Then lemme spell it out for you: Marty is gay. He is a homosexual

He likes men. He finds them very attractive and wishes to have sexual

relations with them. He—

*Mike covers Tom's mouth*

MIKE: Hokay, I think we get it.

> “It's been what, 10 years for you but how long has it been for me?”

> asked Marty Hurt that Doc really did not know.

CROW(Doc): Err...0.68 seconds?

JOEL: For a Marty, that is nearly an eternity.

> “Three month's.” said Doc.

> “And what happened in that three months?”

TOM(Doc): You turned into a turnip? How should I know?!

> Doc sat their thinking back over every thing that happened and he

> smiled a little. Doc noticed that his smile, which normally made

> Marty Happy, caused him instead to be almost in tears. “I married and

> had two children.”

MIKE(Doc): Hewey and Dewey. We thought about having a third one to name

Louie but we changed our minds after Disney sent us a cease and desist letter.

> “What about me doc.” said Marty barely keeping the tears in check.

> “I don't understand Marty.”

JOEL: Nobody does, Doc. Nobody does.

> Marty gave a sigh, “It doesn't matter doc.” He said giving the doctor

> a sad little smile.

CROW(Doc): You don't have any happy ones?

MIKE(Marty): Sorry, fresh out.

> That smile caused Doc heart to hurt, “Yes it does,” he gasped out

> hardly able to say it. He had a horrible feeling in his gut.

TOM: Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside you...

> “No it doesn't.” Doc could barely hear Marty. Marty had gone so pale,

> “Marty!” he shouted.

MIKE: Marty has died. Quit/Reload/Restart?

CROW: Quit! QUIT!

> “It really doesn't doc.”

ALL(Singing): Nothing really matters...anyone can see...

Nothing really matters...nothing really matters...to me...

> “It does to me!”

TOM: Oh, who asked you?

> A little color returned to Marty's face and he gave for the first

> time since Doc had seen him since his returned a genuine happy smile.

JOEL(Singing): Let that happy smile light your face!

> “Doc I think that's the nicest thing any one has every and will ever

> say to Me.” said Marty almost giddy.

MIKE: Marty does NOT have Great Expectations.

CROW(Marty): Hee...Me...because I'm the god! I'M THE GOD!

> Doc looked aback at what Marty said and the expression on his face.

> He began to think heavily on Marty's odd behavior or was it odd now

> that he thought about it, really thought about Marty and how he

> reacted to different situations. It suddenly clicked in his head what

> Clara had been hitting at.

JOEL(Doc): She was hitting my temple the whole time!

> Marty saw doc face when doc realized what he meant to Marty.

TOM(Marty): What's with the clown makeup?

> Almost crying out he turned away from doc and buried his face

> back into the pillow on the bed.

MIKE(Singing): I can't take it...I'm so lonely...gee I need you so...

> “Just go Doc,” He said beginning to finally cry. “Just go back to

> Clara and the kids their probably missing you.” he finished

> hiccupping.

CROW: Like a whooping cough.

> “Like you've been missing me Marty,” the Doc said softly.

CROW: Like a bucket of fish.

> “It doesn't matter doc, please!” Marty begged.

> Doc sat their contemplating what he could do for Marty to ease his

> pain.

MIKE(Doc): Aspirin...no...Tylenol...no...Advil...no...AHAH, Eye of Newt!

> He sighed and finally said, “Come with me Marty?”

TOM(Doc): You've broken ape law.

> Marty turned around not under standing what he meant, “What?”

ALL: HE SAID “COME WITH ME, MARTY?”

> “Come with me, Marty.” Doc said stronger that the last time.

> “To where?” asked Marty still not understanding what Doc Meant.

CROW(Doc): To a drug store; we gotta get some of that wax out of your ears!

> “Don't you mean when, Marty?” the Doc said smiling.

MIKE(Marty): No, I mean where, you grammer-lexic buffoon!

CROW: Grammar-lexic...?

> Marty sat their gapping he couldn`t mean what he thought he meant he

> just couldn`t finally, he asked, “What about Clara and the Kids?”

JOEL: Clara and the Kids? Sounds like an alternative rock band.

TOM(Singing): Time travel...what a way to go...

> Smiling the Doc answered, “Clara has aberrantly been hitting at this

> for some time. It just did not hit me until just know how much I have

> been missing you.

CROW(Doc): The depths of my longing for you could fill an entire city's

worth of garbage cans.

> Clara has told me repeatedly I would not really be happy until I

> came for you. That the family would be right with out you. I suppose

> if I don't come back with you she just might really beat it in to me.”

MIKE: She's gonna smack in there! She's gonna nail it with a sledgehammer

so hard your great-grandchildren'll feel it!

> Marty sat up Clara said what. Marty could not believe it, “You can't

> mean…” he started but Doctor Brown interrupted him.

TOM(Doc): Oh, but I do.

JOEL(Marty): What? WHAT?!

TOM(Doc): I dunno.

> “Yes, I do,” said Doc and then Doc was kissing him.

MIKE: And a one, two, three:

ALL: Aww...

*The fanfic disappears from the screen*

TOM: Well, that was a weird one. Nobody acted in character!

MIKE: Yeah, and the author should've done some better proofreading.

CROW: Well, the author did warn us...

JOEL: And you know, even if it was all out of character and weird,

it was kinda sweet. If it'd been written just a little better, it'd actually

have been pretty good!

MIKE: I guess...

*Suddenly lights of all colours flash and strobe and sirens wail*

CROW: What the crap?!

JOEL: That's the master alarm! Get to the bridge!

Joel snatches Tom up in his arms and speeds after Mike and Crow in a dead run.

(DOOR ONE: A Small Circular Vault Door Like A Drawbridge Closes And Latches)

(DOOR TWO: Red, Blue, and Green Laser Sensors In A Criss-Cross Pattern Reactivate)

(DOOR THREE: The Thin Wooden Wall Lowers From The Ceiling)

(DOOR FOUR: A Door Straight Off Of The Death Star Closes Instantly)

(DOOR FIVE: A Glowing Yellow Energy Field Like The One from Stargate: Atlantis Activates)

(DOOR SIX: A Beaded Curtain Closes)

“Hey, was the door sequence a little off...?” Tom muttered.

As if in reply, Joel rather unceremoniously thew Tom in the air! “Hey!” As he used his hoverskirt to steady himself, he glared at his creator. “Why did you—wait, who the hell is THAT?!”

“THAT” was a new robot none of them had ever seen before. She had an odd shaped head somewhat vaguely like Gypsy's, only much smaller, brownish-black, and shaped more like an oval. Upon its face were two tiny plastic eyes taken from some sort of odd doll; she also appeared to have a tiny wig draped on the back of her head, which was wrapped by a purple scarf; twin golden earrings dangled nearby. The head was mounted on a small rod that extended down into what looked like a rolling chair's four legs. From about halfway down the centre rod two claw-like pincers emerged on long, spindly metal arms.

Her voice, however, was instantly recognizable. “Aah!” she shrieked “Who are YOU?! What have you done with Kevin and Bill?!”

Joel stared, utterly baffled. After a moment, he ventured, “Gypsy...?”

She shook her claws in frustration! “Grah! I'm not Gypsy, I'm Roma! ROMA!”

“So, Gypsy then?” Mike whispered under his breath with a light chuckle.

“Heh, sorry, err, Roma,” Joel said. He gestured to himself. “I'm Joel. This is Mike, Tom Servo, and Crow. Nice ta meet ya.” He held out a hand.

After a moment of hesitation, Roma took it in her claw and shook it gently. “Sorry about that. It's just you're not the people who've been on the Rocket of Romance with me, so I panicked.”

“Rocket of Romance, huh?” Tom asked suggestively as he scooted over closer to Roma, not noticing her faint gasp at the sound of his voice. “Hello, lemme introduce myself—“

She interrupted, “You sound just like Kevin! That's creepy!” She backed away from him, clearly disturbed. Crow and Mike giggled as Tom shook his head sheepishly.

“Knock it off, Tom,” Joel scolded lightly as he walked over to the somewhat unfamiliar centre console and after a moment located the button to communicate with the Mads. “Maybe the Mads can tell us what's going on.”

Thankfully, despite Joel's fears, the viewscreen displayed their usual Deep Thirteen, though at the moment a number of alarms were going off somewhere in the background. Erhardt sped over to the viewscreen, said, “Dr. Forrester'll be just a minute,” in a hurried voice and then returned to whatever he had been doing.

After a tense few minutes, Dr. Forrester managed to struggle into view. His lab coat was coated with various streaks of grimy, icky substance which was also wiped all over his face and coated his hair, making his hairstyle look temporarily a bit more normal, if oily. He snatched his glasses off in a huff and did his best to clean them with a dirty handkerchief, only managing to spread the grime about even more. With a deep glower, he growled, “What do you want?!”

“Er...what's going on, sir?” Mike asked.

“What's going on? What's going ON?! WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING ON, YOU IDIOT?!” Dr. Forrester's glower intensified, his anger almost causing visible vibrations in the air. “Time and space are going haywire, that's what's going on! Just look outside the window!”

Joel, Mike, and the Bots poked their heads at the window on the upper left side of the bridge and gasped. The stars had somehow changed, turning into what looked like tiny spherical pillows. As they watched, the spheres shape-shifted into pentacles and then Stars of David, still maintaining a pillowy essence. The four confused MSTies looked back at Dr. Forrester. “How—“

Pearl suddenly dragged herself into view. Like her son, she was grimy all over, and her makeup was completely ruined, giving her an almost comical appearance. There was nothing comical about her tone of voice, though. “It was all because of you!” She pointed accusingly at Mike.

“Me?”

“Yes, you! You and that...that stupid food maker of yours!”

Mike glanced over at the SFPD, one of the few remaining familiar objects on the bridge, though it was now glowing a rather luminescent, almost neon green. “But how did it—oh, shiitake mushrooms...”

“Mike, did you use chronitons in it?” Joel asked with a chiding tone.

Mike nodded. “How else was I supposed to get the pizza to cook in ten seconds?

Joel sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yep, that would do it, alright.”

“Wait, wait, what does all this mean?” Roma cried, extremely confused by everything that was going on.

Crow answered, “It means we're boned.” Joel scowled at him.

Mike asked the Mads, “So can it be fixed?”

Pearl snorted. “We're trying, but it's really hard to fix time and space, you know! Good thing we got the CRAP shields up and running, though it looks like yours only covered the theatre. BOBO!” Erhardt made his way over with the CRAP controller. She grabbed it and twiddled with the controls a bit. “There. That oughta keep the shield covering the rest of the satellite.” She glowered at Mike, though after a moment she mumbled under her breath, “We hope.”

“Uh, is there any way we could—“

“NO!” both Mads shouted angrily. Pearl continued, “There is no way we're even THINKING about letting you near any more chronitons. We're going to put you straight back in that theatre and you're going to stay there until we get this settled!”

Dr Forrester scrambled at the desk until he picked up a somewhat thick file. “Here, try this one on for size! It's...uh...” he opened up the folder. “Ah, it's a Harry Potter fanfic. Scarf it down like glue!” He tossed it into the feeder and the viewscreen winked off.

“So what's going to happen now?” Roma asked, mildly panicked.

“Looks like we get to riff some more,” Tom said irately.

“Don't worry, Roma. It'll all work out just fine.” Joel grinned.

“Okay...”

The lights flashed and the sirens wailed. “Oh, we've got FANFIC SIGN!” Joel shouted.

TO BE CONTINUED...

*Mighty Science Theatre theme*

Thank you for reading this MSTing. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

As always, thank you to Megane 6.7 for inspiring me. I hope this series will live up to yours.

Thank you Jim Gadfly for your wonderful MSTing page and superb source formatter tool. Seriously, potential MSTers, use this tool. That's why I link the page, after all.

Also thank you to Joe Nebus for maintaining the rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc Google Group and to Media Minor for letting me host my MSTings there.

Please, be sure to review either where you found this MSTing or via e-mail. I really would appreciate feedback so I can work to make these funnier.

Thanks again for reading. Be sure to keep an eye out for more Mystery Fanfic Theatre 9000!

picardmpc@gmail.com — E-mail Kyronea

http://www.angelfire.com/va/gadfly/mst3k.html — Jim Gadfly's MSTing Page

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3450765/1/A_Broken_Heart —Original, Un-MSTed fanfict

*Twang*

> He felt a hand stroking through his hair he could smell Doc that

> unique smell that made him feel safe and wanted.