Outlaw Star Fan Fiction ❯ Gene was Always Reckless ❯ Chapter 1

Gene was Always Reckless

DivineAngel

So that's it. I am not going to sit here and tell you this wasn't my fault. I guess in a way it could be, I know I wanted it at the time. I still would if she was here. Now that I think about it maybe it was more of my partner's fault, but you wouldn't understand that. You would have had to know him in order to understand him.

I feel myself pause as I talk to them. Their blank dull faces staring back at me, but it was the truth. How could I possibly tell them how Gene was, how any of them were. It was just the way things had been, the way I had understood things then.

Gene was always reckless, that's just how he was. Teasing death, toying with danger, he drug me in with him. But I don't think I can ever remember complaining. I learned a lot from him. I ultimately picked up many of his bad habits. That was an accident. I never remember trying to be like him. I guess it just sorta happened, like a lot of things. Our crew was made by accident, worked together accidentally. We sorta had a common goal though, to make money, I guess. Gene was always working for Melfina. I know I was jealous then, maybe I still am. Before she came it was always Gene and me. We used to do all kind of things together. It didn't matter what kinda things they were, big or small, cool or dumb. Gene never cared so neither did I. When Mel came along Gene focused more on her. It was just how he was, reckless and--with Mel. He never noticed that kinda left me out in the cold. But that was how he was too. We still did stuff, but most of it channeled through Melfina, that was an accident as well. We picked up more crewmembers that way thought. Aisha was the first. Boy you--you've never met, met anyone like her before. Aisha was-

I could feel myself pause again, now it seemed so hard to understand what she was. What she had always been, in general or to me?

Aisha was fun, I guess. Sure she was loud and, she was really obnoxious sometimes. She used to really piss Gene off because she was really stubborn. And had this way of getting what she wanted, whether that meant talking you into it, forcing you into it, or taking it from you.

I smiled.

I guess that's why she was my favorite. I never had what I wanted. Guess it made me happy watching her get hers. Of course, at first it made me mad. Cause she got it so easily. People would cower and cave, ahh a Ctarl Ctarl, give it what it wants. That used to piss me off to, calling her it. She had a name, whether she was a Ctarl Ctarl or not. Gene used to get pissed off and call her an animal, or just, just refer to her as one.

I feel myself easing towards laughter.

She never stood for it though. Those arguments where always the funniest to watch. As long as there wasn't any glass around.

Aisha and Mel became good friends. Guess that was bound to happen though. They were both women and it's not like Gene was--well I guess I wasn't either. We were both guys so it's not like we really understood them all the time. Thought I definitely understood more then him.

They used to go shopping and bring back stuff. That was funny. Clothes, lamps, whatever they found. And they always brought food. If there is one thing Aisha was good for it was having food close by, always. Used to piss me off when they would buy me stuff thought. Sometimes it was cool, stuff I liked. Tools or computer chips or something. But other times, they would get me clothes. I swear they were trying to use me like a doll. That was confusing. I never did say anything to Gene about it either. I didn't exactly know what to say, or what I was complaining about. Sometimes I did. When they got real excited and stuff they kind forgot I was alive, and used to argue to themselves over colors and sizes. That was annoying, but I yelled at them and they stopped. They never did it on purpose. Mel was- I never had a mom so maybe that's what it would have been like. Mel used to get clothes and then tell me to put them on so she could see what they looked like when I wore them. Aisha thought that was funny alright.

I couldn't help but smile, it was funnier now that I remembered it.

Mel used to wake me up when I fell asleep working. Gene was so lazy. Tell me what time it was and that was it. She never actually told me to go to bed. I think maybe she suggested it once, when, then it was four in the mourning, but she never really told me to. That was cool.

I smiled.

I liked her for that. Kinda wish I understood more about her, maybe if we were together longer we could have been closer.

I felt myself frown again. Remembering now and then, sometimes it was hard.

She cooked a lot. No wait.

I smiled.

She did all the cooking. Aisha did some but we tried not to eat it. I never told her how gross it tasted. And it looked gross too, but she liked it. And in a way it was sort of nice because it had this--its funny it had a real distinct smell. Made me think of her because no one else cooked that way. Gene used to try, that was funnier. He used to start small fires or forget the other part of whatever he was making was still in the oven. We would smell the smoke some hour later. Aisha usually smelled it first, then they would all want to know what I was doing. Cause I used to-used to fool around with computer parts, and sometimes I would burn up chips. It made this real weird smoke smell, but usually that was about the time Gene remembered. You could here him growling all the way to the kitchen before the light cursing. Though, Aisha's laughing always drowned that out fast.

I can cook a little. Easy stuff, box stuff. Since Mel did it all I never really had to. She taught me some though. When we were bored and had nothing to do. I never did understand how she could sit there for an hour or hour and a half and just peel potatoes, or pull the ends of string beans. But then none of them understood why I spent so much time on my laptop. Now that I think about it I wish I hadn't. If I had known how things were going to pan out, I would have dropped it. Would have spent more time with them, all of them.

Suzuka was the last crewmember we picked up. She was, no is, she IS an assassin. Though I don't know if she's still, assassinating now. To make a long story short she had to kill Gene before she could carry out her contract. Something she seemed set on doing at the time. But she ended up showing up to get him at the worst moment. We were being attacked by these pirates, all after--something--probably Melfina. Most people were after Melfina back then. She saved Mel though; guess cause Mel wasn't the person she was supposed to get. Suzu, well that's what we called her, Aisha started it. Suzu had a lot of class for an assassin. She wasn't messy in her work and I heard she gave people five minutes to write a will or something before she actually, well you know, killed them. But that might just have been rumors, I never asked her.

Suzu was probably the most quiet, next to Gilliam, our ships computer. I forget when I started considering Gilliam as a part of our crew. Aisha was the loudest, then Gene, Mel got louder as time went on, and then Suzu. I don't know where I fit in. Never really thought about it before.

It surprised me when Suzuka decided to stay cause; well I thought she would have left. I always thought she had a thing for Gene. That day she showed, he got poisoned with some pirate dart, it was running all through his body. Man he pissed me off doing that. That was always his attitude, run around having a good time. Not a care in the world, then if he died, I guess that was it. Sure he would have been a little upset about having to go, but he would have gone grinning. Thinking about all the women and fun he had right before he was shot, or whatever it would have been that killed him. He never thought that he would be leaving me behind. Or later, leaving us. Even thought he got more careful as he got more serious with Mel. He still toyed with death, but not like he did before. Guess she was real important to him, I don't know what that says about me though.

Suzu saw him when he was so hurt he couldn't move. I couldn't believe it when she was willing to go steal the antidote right away, considering she came there to kill him. After that she came and went some, but I always thought the times she did stay, she stayed for him. She always kept her eye on him you know? And helped with our fights, first it was to find the Galactic Layline. This thing Mel was connected to, it's a long story. Aisha said there was treasure there so that's why she wanted it. Gene wanted it cause Mel wanted it, and I am pretty sure Suzu was in on it partially cause Gene wanted it and for the treasure. And I was there simply because that's where everyone was going. I always thought it was funny she helped him reach the Layline even when she knew he was doing it for Mel. She was never bitter though. Like I said she was classy, never close to Mel, but classy.

Mel probably had it the easiest around with us too. She did kinda the cook and clean job. Patched wounds when everyone was tired because she wasn't the one who would fight. Gene would never let her fight, I respected him for that. At least he knew not to let her; even if she was good at it she was different from Aisha and Suzuka. Cause Aisha was trained for it, Suzuka had mastered it, Gene loved it. But Mel. Mel was-innocent. Decently innocent because she didn't really understand. She understood death; she saw a lot of that no matter what we did. But she didn't really understand everything, so Gene kept her out of it. In everyway he could. Aisha was protective of her too, the same way she used to be with me. That pissed me off at first. I hated the way she treated me like a kid all the time. She didn't want me fighting, or working as much as I did. Even when she knew Gene wasn't ready for what I did, and I did it the best! She was fun to play with though. We used to jump on the furniture and jump off the upstairs banister onto stuff.

I felt myself laugh.

That pissed Gene off, but he was funny mad. Come in yelling, I still remember what he said, started at me first. So now your going to act like her! It's not bad enough she eats the food and breaks all our stuff Jim! Way to go! But I always thought that inside he was laughing. He should have jumped to, that would have been fun to do with him.

Aisha was the first person I let see me cry. Gene had seen me cry before but I never meant to let him. Sometimes I just couldn't help it. The first time I broke my ribs I cried, and I cried when I dislocated my arm and Gene had to slam it back in. That was one of the first times he really scared me. I had seen him rough people up and shove them around, so many times. Kill whoever, blast whatever, it was old news. But when he grabbed me and slammed me into the wall to pop it back in--I guess I just never realized how strong he was before. How much weaker I was in comparison then. And much as I hate it, I never could figure out if I cried then because I was more scared then hurt, or hurt then scared. But I always told him it was because it hurt, nothing more--even though I think he knew.

I've known Gene since I was--five? I think five. I didn't know how old I was then, but some doctor figured it out and told me, using my weight and height. That crap. I always stuck with Gene after he found me.

I smiled.

He was reckless then too. He would come stumbling back all bruised or drunk, because he used to get into a lot of fights. Still tempting pain even then, so I used to help him out. I did that for about three, four years. That's when I learned most of my cooking, even before Mel taught me. Cause Gene would pass out. Loss of blood or too much beer and I was hungry. So was he when he woke up.

Gene used to have a lot of issues with his dad. He never told me everything but that was definitely the first reason he cried. I always thought I wasn't, as, well that I was missing something because when Gene broke his ribs he never cried. He just kept on fighting and broke three more doing it. I looked up to him because pain was it. We had a lot of it and that's what tested us. But Gene never faltered and I did, even when I tried not to.

Gene's dad died when he was younger, he said not as young as me when he told me. But I was six or seven then. So maybe it was more like when he was ten or something, maybe fifteen because he really remembered it. When he told me what happened, something about pirates. Gene hated pirates. Something about them attacking, and his father saving him instead, when his dad should have lived. Maybe it was his guilt that made him cry. That made Gene better to, cause I used to cry because I was scared. But I didn't start doing that till when I was eight or nine. That's the age Gene told me anyway I don't really remember. After Gene stopped having nightmares about his father. Waking up so upset, or waking me up and scarring the shit out of me screaming like he did. I think he used to re-live it in his dreams, but I am not sure. He never gave me a straight answer as to why he woke up like that. Drenched in sweat, and he was shaking though he would never admit it. Anyway after, after his nightmares petered out. I started having mine. But I don't remember my dad, no matter what you say about him. I swear I never met him. I used to have my nightmares about Gene. Cause he used to leave me at night so he could go out and, hit the town. I was always afraid he would be shot or killed and just not come back. I didn't have anywhere to go. He always wanted to know what mine were about. What I was dreaming when I woke up screaming and shaking. Especially since sometimes I screamed his name while I was still asleep. That was one of the disadvantages to sharing a bed with him. He could hear me when I was dreaming out loud. But I always told him I didn't remember afterward, and I think that freaked him out for a while.

I smiled.

It would have freaked me out. In fact I think he was more cautious for maybe a month or so thinking maybe I was getting some weird premonition and he was going to be shot. But it only lasted that long because I broke down and begged him to stay home more. So he did, he only went out three times a week after that. Thought he was real crabby the first month he worked into it. And it cost us less.

Guess I am a loser cause the first time I let Aisha see me cry was cause I had another bad dream. When we were hunting for the Galactic Layline. Gene was put into this federal prison to get information. I didn't think I was worried, I didn't feel worried. That was one of Gene's curses, not just for him but for me too. Just being around him, you could actually start believing the crazy stuff he said. How sure he was nothing bad would happen. So I watched him walk off, and get put into this prison where no one ever came out of, they altered his police record. Said he was, said he committed some rapes so they locked him down tight for it. He seemed so sure of everything when he was leaving, told me to keep an eye on everything.- and I did. But that night I had a horrible nightmare about him leaving and not coming back again.

Some of the best ears around are those of the Ctarl Ctarl. That's what she said. She must have heard me dreaming, that's one of my curses. If you want to know about me, I tend to spill when I sleep.

She's the one who woke me up; I think I almost scared her, because I never got emotional around the crew. That's just not how it was supposed to be. I wasn't supposed to act like that because I was eleven. I was grown up.

I was really upset when she woke me up; I still had some thirty seconds to get her out of the room before I cried. But I think it was more of a shock that someone was there over me, with me in the dark. Someone other then Gene anyway. His room was the closest to mine on our ship and down on Sentnal. So he was usually the one who woke me up. You know how if you get used to a certain sound you wake up for it? Guess that's how it was with him, even though I hated it was him. I only had two nightmares I got loud with when I was ten, but I hated Gene got to see me like that. He thought it was kinda funny and used to, ruffle my hair and stuff. But it made me feel small, and I didn't want him to think I was a kid because of it. But with Aisha, it didn't feel that way for some reason. Maybe it was her whiskers. I always wanted to know about them. Since she had this habit, of smashing her face into yours when she was mad or excited. I noticed sometimes they were there and sometimes they weren't. Same with her tail. I always wanted to know where they went; it was cool when I found out later.

Aisha was different from everyone I ever knew because she--she seemed to see me even when I tried to hide from her. It did always piss me off when she yelled at me about working so much and not playing like a kid, but after. After I always felt kinda, well happy. Happy that at least someone noticed me, and cared that maybe I shouldn't be doing all that stuff. That's what she said when she woke me up, to not worry. And how could you. After I had seen her tear open steal doors and transform into this massive tiger. It was impossible to be scared. When something so powerful and yet so sweet was just crouched over you, pounced in your bed. Squeaking.

I smiled.

Aisha was the second person I ever had a crush on. I once met a girl on Symka 5. She was so pretty. I brought her flowers and that made her so happy. I never knew what happened to her cause she just disappeared. We were supposed to meet one afternoon and she just never showed. I never knew why that was, but it hurt a lot. It felt like I was the one who did something wrong, even though I knew that couldn't have been right. I went over it a million times. --I never did figure that one out.

Anyway, Aisha was the second, starting that night she saw me cry. Cause I did. Long and hard, no matter how mad I was for doing it. Even while she sat there hugging me I was so mad at myself for crying. It just kept happening, I could hardly tell her why I was so upset.

I remember almost everything about that night. She was wearing this, thin soft pink nightgown. And it was so smooth, some kinda fabric I had never felt before. It was so soft but so smooth. Like anything you spilled on it would have just slid right off. I loved the way it felt, and the way she smelled. That was something cool about Aisha. She had tones of lotions and shampoos and...crèmes and things. They all came in these weird bottles, that I guess where kinda pretty. Some of them that were more like weird oils had things floating in them. Like flower petals and berries. She always smelled good. I still remember the bottle that held the lotion she wore that night. Though I could never pronounce the name.

I didn't know she stayed with me all night, and I guess the next day. I normally woke up at seven or so. But it was more like 2 p.m. when I woke up, and she was still there. The nightgown looked even better in the light. Because it revealed her shoulders and her neck, and they were some of her softest parts. I was so embarrassed when I woke up. I would have been anyway. But it was something else to wake up in your boxers and have her just there. Wide-awake waiting for me. Just lazily playing in my bed, like she did it everyday. I think she knew I was embarrassed. That was one of the curses to being around her. I was pretty good with hiding how I felt on my face, except when I was caught off guard. I knew my face was beat red then, but even if it wasn't she would have known. Her nose was something else too. Aside from being so cute and soft, it could smell everything. Including the way my hormones changed, releasing my emotions into the air. She would have known blindfolded because she could smell it off me.

I think Suzuka was the first one to notice I acted different around Aisha after that. After I woke up she was tired but voluntarily climbed out the window in her small little nightgown so I wouldn't have to explain why she was in there with me.

I am laughing.

It felt so good to watch her climb down the building and run through the lawn like that. Right into the back door, I could have died laughing if I wasn't--I don't know, shocked? I got up right after that; thank god everyone else was out working. -Gene never let me hear the end of that.- Cause the night before when I was so upset she used to. She used to run her hands into my hair, kinda like Gene. Ruffling it. Only she did it slowly sometimes, guiding it back with her. I always loved my hair, cause I never had to do anything to it and I could hide under it. The way it worked was all I had to do was tip my head slightly and they lost sight of my eyes. That was my greatest trick. And it took no effort to perfect. First time I pulled it on Aisha she almost broke my neck ripping my face back up confused. After that she just started running her hands into it slowly, letting it pull back so she could see my face.

She was kissing my forehead. I had soft pink lipstick kisses all over my forehead when I looked in the mirror. I could have killed myself for sleeping through that.

I couldn't help but feel weird when I was with her after that. I didn't really know how to react, and she didn't seem to think of it as anything weird. She just went about doing things like she always did. Like it never happened. That was confusing. Suzu noticed first, I know she did. She caught me watching her one-day. After I found out she kissed me I started watching her a lot. Not perverted or anything, just when she was walking around the house or something. I was watching her cook, cause she loved to do it. It didn't matter that she was the only one who ate most of it. Suzuka would eat some to be polite I think, unless she liked it. Same with me too, cause she used to get aggressive if she thought I was insulting it. But if I ate too much I threw up so, that was tricky. Gene didn't give a shit what she thought and went on insulting it one day until she broke the kitchen table and gave him a black eye. That was funny. Even funnier since he wouldn't hit her back, even though he was so mad. I respected him for that to. You don't hit girls.

I know Suzu found out about my crush on her cause she had this sneaky nature to her. She started investigating me. I was so busy watching Aisha I didn't notice her watching me. And Gene was so busy with Melfina that neither of them noticed any of us doing this. That's funny now that I think about it. When I was maybe thirteen she gave me this look that told me she knew for sure. She caught me watching Aisha's butt while she dug through the fridge. But I was cocky, and I knew about how she liked Gene. Maybe that's why she never bothered me, or told Aisha. I think it also might have been because it was entertaining to watch me like that. Guess that was sort of my pathetic stage.

I am laughing slightly, smiling as I remember.

There weren't any girls where I lived on Sentinel three, maybe if there were some I would have met one of those. But it doesn't matter I guess. I would have died for Aisha. I started out slow, but the more I was with her, the more inconspicuous I became when I was watching her. That was an accident too. Gene was the next one to catch me watching her. He thought that was funny. Most of the things having to do with me getting older Gene found humorous. He had this way of laughing where I knew it was because of what I had done, or was doing. But he wasn't blatantly laughing at me right in my face. Not sure what the difference is thought. Cause when I knew it; it was almost as annoying as if he were. I still remember him telling me not to ignore my instincts and shoving me towards the bathroom with a dirty magazine he got me. That was so embarrassing. I grew up with scum, and I didn't want to be it. Not that I am saying Gene is scum, but there sure was a lot of it around where we were. I never used the magazine; I didn't want to be that way. I think he knew to. --He found that even funnier.

I got along better with Mel as I got older. I guess because I didn't have such a problem with Gene leaving anymore. So I didn't mind she was there. She was actually really nice and if you where with her long enough she started to spill stuff about Gene. That's how I got my extra funding to get some new tools and parts I wanted. I just threatened to tell Aisha what I learned.

I am laughing hard now.

Gene was so mad, but he never could figure out how one day I just knew all that stuff about him. Mel did though, she was kinda mad at me. But Mel could never really be mad. So she kinda just frowned some and said something about trust and confidence. I felt bad when I realized it hadn't occurred to her I was going to rub everything she told me right back in Gene's face. It was one of the best scores I had ever gotten on him. Since Gene and Mel where so together then, she knew some personal stuff alright.

I am smiling.

That got him back for making fun of me liking Aisha. All the indirect comments he made when no one was around. But it was cool. We were like that since I can remember. Constantly getting each other back. I don't know who originally started it. Probably him, but since then, it was a game. It was fun to. Not all the time. Sometimes it was embarrassing and annoying, but most of the time it was fun. And getting him back was *so* good.

One of the most amazing things about the Ctarl Ctarl is their technology. I used to think Aisha made fun of my love for my car just to irk me. Like Gene, who made comments some times but never cared when I spend most all of our money on it. Gene liked women, and I liked my car. I know it sounds weird but he never teased me about it. Or groaned when I spend 75 percent of our earnings on it. We kinda switched off. One job paycheck he got to use and one I got to use. We both used it different ways, but it was enjoyed.

My car was, is. No was my favorite thing to waste time on. Since I never really got to waste time, I loved restoring it. It's worth a fortune now, since it's a classic from back down in 2004. Aisha simply never thought it was so great because her empire was so advanced. Most Ctarl Ctarl's don't like humans. And few ever want or are allowed to visit her blessed empire.

I am smiling.

But their technology really is something else. To her my car really was a piece of junk, until she understood what it meant to me. That was one of the greatest turning points for, well I guess us. I respected her so much more after that. Not that I didn't before, but after that I learned she understood me a lot better then I thought. She used to sit in the back seat, with her legs running into the front while I worked on the engine. Now the engine is in the back so I was like one foot from her. She used to look at me upside down. She looked so cute like that. She had her hair down then. When I was younger she used to have it in a braid all the time. She had a smooth metal tail ring at the bottom keeping her hair in place. Like I said the Ctarl Ctarl's technology really is something. Aisha was eighteen when I was eleven. That was until she cut her hair. She told me she was going to do it one day when I was fixing the car. She was just sitting there when she told me. I didn't want her to do it. I told her she looked great with it the way it was, but she wouldn't listen. I was still thirteen then.

When we were in the garage it was like being on another planet. I started telling her everything. When I was upset I would tell her why and she never teased me. We used to hatch conspiracies against Gene when I was mad at him. That was fun. We actually carried out some of our plans to.

I am laughing.

She told me about herself. Her life at the empire. How she had to leave for space when she graduated so high. Her past boyfriends, her sisters, her parents. For a long time she thought I just wasn't ready to tell her that much about myself. Until she learned there wasn't that much for me to tell. I don't remember my parents. I don't know if I have any brothers or sisters. And at the time I had never really been in a relationship. Other then the one I had with Gene, which was simply how we were.

That was one of the first times I saw her cry. I never realized how much she missed her family. She drug me to the garage one day, after she cut her hair. It was slightly under her shoulders. She knew she could never go back to the empire after letting the Galactic Layline get away as they put it. And now that she had cut her hair, she was never going back. I never understood why she had done it then. She cried for hours that she missed them. Telling me things she remembered and places they had gone together. I remember crying to because in some weird way it hurt to hear about it. Almost like teasing me with what I had missed. What I had never gotten. It was weird with her though. After, right after she was done. She really was done. She had cried for them, and so she was ready to let them go. At least that's how she explained it to me. I couldn't understand that, and she smelled it. But she told me not to cry for her, because I would understand tomorrow. That was more confusing, but she left me like that. Just got up and walked out. I think I cried for hours alone. It hurt to know as bad as I felt for never having a family like she had. She was somehow leaving hers, and forcing herself to do it. Cause she was the one who cut her hair.

Gene disapproved of Aisha and me. He's the one that found me in the garage so upset. It wasn't like he was blind to how much time we had been spending together. That's when he suggested I spend less time with her and get out more. Indirectly he was telling me to leave whatever I was doing with Aisha and get out so I could find someone my age. I never cared she looked a lot like a cat. Aisha was sexy; Gene knew I felt that way. He never told me to stop, but I knew by the way he said I should get out more he was. That night we where in the garage together. Instead of just me and Aisha. Gene stayed and messed with wires and things with me. He told me about Mel as he went. They were serious then, and as cool as I was with Mel. Sometimes it still hurt to hear it. I was always glad Gene couldn't smell how I felt like Aisha. I never wanted to have to explain to him that I was jealous that he had her. That they were so close and so happy together. And that for some reason his happiness was pulling him closer to her and farther from me. I think that was the first time since I was seven we hugged. It was different from when I was younger. It was more, sideways. With less of us actually touching, but it meant the same. Being with someone for eight years tells you a lot about them. You pick up all sorts of things you never realize. Like you know when they're mad or sad without talking to them yet. You know when they don't feel good or when they're lying to you. Because of Gene I know how to make the most interest drink with raw eggs. It's supposed to help with hangovers. And cause of me he says he's not afraid to hear Mel talk about wanting children. That was more irritating then comforting to hear then. But he explained it wasn't because I was ever a kid, just a wonderful source of direction and directions. Gene always was a wise ass.

When I was thirteen I had already been driving for five years. One illegally, and four legally. I owned four guns, my own car and half a business. I had broken three of my ribs, been shot in four places and dislocated my arm. I suffered a concussion and two major head injuries and spent the first memorable years of my life living off the streets until meeting my partner. But I was thirteen when Aisha cut her hair, and over night dropped from age eighteen to age fourteen. She would have dropped to the age of eight at four year intervals ever twenty four hours if she didn't put her hair ring back in. Which she did, at age thirteen. I don't know why I cried when I saw her. I knew she had done it for me; it was tomorrow like she said. I think it was because it hurt to know that it was her family she scarified in order to do it. That hurt worst of all, because that's one of the things I've always wanted. I remember, Melfina screamed when she first saw her, before complimenting how pretty she was when she was younger. That sounded hysterical. Gene didn't say anything at all and Suzuka, well she wasn't there for that. After Aisha and I started spending more time together and Gene started getting more and more serious with Mel. She just kinda left. She came back and visited though. After maybe four months we would hear from her and at six she'd stop in. Sometimes she would bring us stuff. Exotic clothes for Aisha, those where always good. Sometimes for Mel too. Weapon information or parts for Gene, who shared them with me. And tools and technology we didn't have there I got, and I shared them with Gene. The ones I was sure he wouldn't bust anyway. His had this hysterical trait of multi-tasking horribly. And untimely dropping all jobs for whatever one was most fun. It didn't matter how many motors or bombs he left undone behind him, he just left.

That's one of the things that made us so different. Gene always craved adrenaline, and I didn't. I always figured enough trouble found you, why go looking for it. But he could never get enough. He loved it, loved space. At the time that we were working to get enough money to blast out for a while. More out of fun then necessity, I was sixteen and Aisha was fifteen and a half. Nothing made me happier then watching her struggle to understand our calendar and then program them to hers so she could keep growing with me, but slightly behind me. It made it worse since I never knew when my birthday was. It was fun to watch her. Even though I know I should probably feel guilty or something. She was so cute frustrated. She got me back for it thought. She kept making me get weighed and measured repeatedly so we could be sure I was as old as I was supposed to be. That made Mel worry I wasn't eating enough. Which is funny to think about now. After Aisha kept messing up, and then I did too. I got a physical so we could get real numbers. I was fifty-five pounds heavier then the estimated average weight for a sixteen year old. Yet slightly taller and much thinner. The weight came from my work muscles. Gene had the same problem as me. We both weighed way more then we should have but none of it was actually fat. In fact when I was tested for that, they recommended I eat more.

I am laughing.

Mel used to give me these concerned expressions because suddenly I looked too thin and Aisha started to try and get me to eat by being sweet. She found one of the fattiest human foods and bought a lot of it. Chocolate. She had never had it melted, which is what she did with it immediately. I guess she thought I would have gotten more out of it if I drank it or something. I had gotten her candy before, especially chocolate but she loved it melted. In fact she was slightly frustrated when I didn't want to eat it because I was having so much fun watching her. She couldn't get enough of it. I guess in a weird way it's like our catnip for her. That was the first time I was intimate with someone. Aisha was the most delicious thing I have ever had in my whole life. She tasted better coated slightly in chocolate too. Of course she was practically shoving it down my throat while I was with her, but it worked out. Don't get me wrong it's not like we just did it there in the kitchen. I waited and ate more chocolate then I ever had in my life while she washed what I had smeared onto her off.

The Ehefrau was where I first had Aisha, and after that I couldn't get enough of her. I used to follow her before, just to make sure she was ok. I know that must sound so pathetic, being that she was stronger then me, but I did. I can still remember Gene laughing at me when he came home that night. He thought I was the funniest thing that ever lived when he saw me. At the time I was sorta scratched up and exhausted. He wasn't mad until he found out I didn't somehow inflict all that on myself with stupidity. Which he later came back to as the answer. He was only mad when he learned they all came from her, and that I had been waiting for the last hour because I needed him to bandage what I couldn't do up. I left Aisha in the car asleep after we were together. I didn't want to wake her, and to this day I don't know why I had originally wanted him to bandage them. Now that I think back on it I was only subjecting myself to the most golden opportunity Gene could ever hope for to tease me good. Having Melfina bandage them was embarrassing. Since Aisha had pretty much taken the liberty of scratching me just about everywhere. She never knew though. There weren't any on my lower arms or legs. So I just wore T-shirts and pants. She couldn't even tell when I had on just my boxers.

It must have been somewhere in here. Because I knew I was supposed to be sixteen when this all happened. And the doctors said I was, no matter how upsetting they found my weight and age to be. The Layline was rediscovered. We heard about it immediately of course. Melfina got sick fast, she said she had separated from the Layline long ago. Unfortunately not all of that was the case. The power trying to open it was making her sick. It only took a few days until Gene fell sick after her to. Being that he was connected to her. We were two hours from blasting out to find and kill whoever was messing her up. I told Aisha she had to stay. She didn't argue but she knew I was worried about going. Gene practically collapsed five minutes before we started the countdown. Eight hours before that Melfina had lost consciousness and just seemed to be sleeping peacefully. I think that might have been what scared him the most. I had seen her shut down before. Since she is supposed to be a bioandroid, the pirates had shut her down once. Gene was afraid it would happen again, and so were we. I don't think I was really worried until I had to practically carry Gene of the ship. Whenever I slipped up on big things Gene used to say to me, for a person who knows so much Jim. You sure do a lot of stupid things, genius. He always said it with a smile, it was his way of saying everyone makes mistakes. But I don't think I was ever so afraid of making a mistake until I watched him hang onto me like that.

Mel had gotten worse when I got back. And Aisha only got more upset when she saw us. She knew how scared I was, though it was only because she could smell it. With out Gene or Melfina we couldn't pilot the Outlaw Star anywhere, and we couldn't leave them.

Aisha broke down and cried hysterical when Mel died. It only took four hours after she had lost touch. Gene was next to unconscious when it happened. Though he passed out minutes after. I found out later the pirates had deliberately sent a fatal virus to her. They wanted to make sure their maiden of the Layline was thee maiden of the Layline. Mel died at four in the afternoon, seven weeks pregnant.

Aisha went berserk when she found out. So did Gene when he came to. I didn't know it at the time but Aisha was pregnant. Things started going downhill after that. Gene scared me more then anything. I got up and went to work every day and came home to him just like I left him. Mel was all he ever wanted in life. All he ever loved. More then space, or adrenaline Gene loved Mel. I think I understand that more now then ever before because of Aisha. I couldn't tell Gene when I found out she was pregnant.

Aisha was different since Mel's death too. Suzu came back to see us when she heard about the news. She did a lot for Aisha. I don't think she'll ever know how thankful I am. It was Suzuka who told Gene Aisha was pregnant. They got into a fight. Actually it was more like Suzuka fighting with herself. At the time Gene didn't care what anyone said. He seemed so lost. So zombie like to me. I think that's what definitely scared me the most.

If I ever had a mother it was Gene, then Melfina. When she came Gene left. She was better at it then he was, and it was more her place I guess. Being that she was a woman. I didn't cry when she died. It hurt. So bad. But I was afraid to. Because I would look at Gene and he would stand there crying but not. When I was younger I always tried to figure out what it was that made me cry different then him. Even when we where both much younger and he used to have his nightmares. He would cry as though he were mad. Almost as though he were growling. And he would sit or lie where he was and do it, until he was finished. He never came to me or called for me. I always went to him. When I was younger I would tell him to feel better, feel better Gene. That's what I would say. And I would stay with him until he was finished. And then he would just, sigh heavily and look as thought he never shed a tear. I often wondered if I never went to him, if he would have called.

It was different with me. My face was a dead give away, nothing like Gene's. It would get red and I used to be louder when I cried. Somehow he could keep it in unless he was growling. But I, I sobbed more. Even when I tried not to. I know I used to cry out for him, or go right to him when I was younger. I can't remember if he ever came to me when I didn't call or ask. I don't think he did. But that was always Gene. He never did anything personal like that, unless I asked for it. Sometimes that hurt, because it seemed like he didn't care. Other times it made me feel better because it meant he thought I could do it by myself. But I think it hurt more.

Watching Gene morn Melfina was like watching him die. Gene with out adrenaline. It just didn't seem possible. But that was it. That was how he became afterward. Aisha started getting quieter too. Sometimes I wonder if that was just because Suzuka was, I guess I'll never really know. Our pregnancy would have been more fun if Gene had been better. He was better. Did get better I guess, it took a while for him to start talking. But when he did it wasn't the same. He lost so easily. He wouldn't argue with me and that's why I cried for him. As long as I have known Gene he's always been sure of what he's done. Seeing him agree with me two seconds in was too much. And my heartache hurt Aisha. I knew she worried about the baby when she was stressed. That made me worry and I know she smelled it, which was worse. Suzuka left again. I don't think she could stand seeing Gene like that. Then again who would have wanted to stay with us all like that. Sometimes I didn't even want to be there. I used to think to myself if there was just a way I could reprogram Melfina. I could have fixed so many things. Guess I am not such a genius after all. Over everything I can master, my life seems to be what I am worst at. If it wasn't for Aisha, and the good things I remember about Gene and being with the crew. I almost wouldn't know why I lived it.

Tears were a big part of our life, even before Mel died. Things were constantly threatened. Financially, medically, emotionally.

I smile, but it's bitter now.

Guess I should be thankful there never were any love triangles, being that there were five of us. A bounty was put on Gene once. Aisha was hospitalized twice for severe injuries. Mel was captured by Kai pirates. I caught a virus I was quarantined for once. That was probably it though. Those where the biggest most stressful things I remember. On top of all the little stuff, before things ran downhill. I cried for a lot of them. Mostly by myself. Mainly by myself until I got together with Aisha. Gene got better a few months after Mel, but a part of him was never right. Since they were connected part of him had died too. It's funny how that never hit me till way after. Then it just dawned on me while I was watching TV. Like remembering what you had for dinner last night. The day I figured that out was the day Aisha had her dream. It's crazy I would have bet everything I owned on that she would have been wrong. Then again, maybe that was just because I was afraid to believe it. She dreamt she would die in childbirth. I told her she was crazy. She cried for hours on it. About how sorry she was having to do this to me. That was the first time Gene hit me. I was so mad at her. But I wasn't.

I am expressionless.

Now I know I was just scared out of my mind she might be right. Aisha was normally right about things like that. She had predicted both of her hospitalization dates. Guess I should be proud of her. In a weird way.

I couldn't stand hearing about loosing her, especially when that meant leaving me with the baby. I didn't know the first thing about kids. She was hysterical but I yelled at her anyway. I am not sure but I think I might have been crying while I yelled. When I stormed out of the bedroom Gene was there. Patiently waiting for me to finish. It seemed he was always patiently waiting for me to finish in my life. So he could turn me around and say look what you did wrong Genius. But he would have said that with a smile too. When I saw him I knew I shouldn't have done it but I didn't care. I think for once Gene could smell me like Aisha too. He punched me then. The first time he had ever hit me with the intention to. He told me I was to go back in and apologize, because I could loose her.

I don't know why I went back in. Apologized just like he said. When I was younger he would have had to drag me in. I would have died before I let him order me. But like I said, since Mel died things were different. Aisha never stopped crying. We had to take her to the hospital she became so dehydrated. That's when I cried. Outside her room. I told myself if she really was going to go. She wasn't going to see me suffer before it. My plan sorta worked, for most of it. Until she was actually giving birth. That was definitely the scariest thing I have ever seen.

I am smiling. But only for a moment.

She gave birth just like she said. It was a boy. He was so healthy so--so amazing. I was seventeen, or so they say. She died three minutes after. Said she knew it would happen. She told me so now I was prepared, and that she was going to come back and get me in Ctarl Ctarl spirit if I raised our baby anything like that birdbrain Gene.

I am crying.

I never cried so hard in my life as I did the day she died. They couldn't pry me off her. I think maybe twenty minutes later they found Gene and brought him in. I remember he just stood there for about three minutes while I bawled before patting my shoulder and we left. The doctors never did know why she died. Maybe in some weird way it was supposed to happen though. Since she knew about it ahead of time. I cried for so long they attached me to an IV and gave me something to put me under. When I woke up nurses brought me the baby. They showed me how to feed him. That's when I laughed, but I think I was still crying.

We named the baby Nicolas because that's what she wanted to name him. I told him all about her. He always heard about his mother because I loved her. Gene was good too. We stayed together. I think I needed that. He needed that. Now I sit and think to myself it's sick. Because we went full circle. Starting out alone and gaining everything until we lost it again and ended up back alone. We went fishing with Nicolas and sometimes I would remember stuff about when I was little when I watched Gene with him. He had darker skin like hers, but bright hair like mine. It made him look so interesting; sometimes I would just sit and marvel at him. I couldn't believe that I actually helped make him. And it made me sad to think Aisha was missing this. Especially when he had a lot of her in him. Gene used to go nuts when he would climb up high things or jump like Aisha used to. It scared me too, but I think I had more confidence in him since I knew he was coming from her. Gene was funny to watch though.

You have to understand. When you tell me about this war and I sit here and look at you like I don't care. This is why. My son has never needed my protection, I don't worry about him. He was stronger then me at the age of eight. Stronger then Gene and I at the age of ten. I am telling you the truth. This is exactly how things happened. Or as close as they will ever be because this is how I remember them. We wanted Nicolas so I guess it's my fault after all. Aisha was a Ctarl Ctarl and I was born on Earth. I am human. We didn't perform any rituals or do any chants. We fell in love. She had Nicolas. You might think he is the most amazing thing you've ever seen because he's faster and stronger and smarter then anyone you've ever seen. I know two of those traits came from his mother. I think the third I might have helped out on a little. If you think I am dumb enough to not think you wanted to know all of this because you don't plan on using the mix of DNA to help the humans fight in this war. Well, I am not that poor of a genius.

"Mr. Hawking?"

You just better ask his permission first. I am sure he'll help. If you release me I'll help to.

Inside I am crying.

"Mr. Hawking?"

I am silent waiting for them to speak again. Their dull faces looking back at me. "We would like you to write this down for us if you will." I watch them motion for me to fallow a man to my left. Still. After four months they restrain me. I never asked to be hospitalized. I never thought I was insane, or dangerous. I know they are lying when they say that too. They know I am a genius. They think having me in here will let them get to Nicolas but their wrong. Unless they ask him he'll never cooperate, and they'll never catch him.

I smile as they sit me in a small room. Filled only with the desk I am at and the computer before me. I look at the screen. The small blinking cursor ready for my fingers to paint the keyboard and tell them my life again. They never expected that information. I never expected to divulge it. It just happened, but it doesn't really matter now. Nicolas's fine. Suzu's somewhere. Sometimes I think about her. It would be nice to see her again, especially now that I am alone. Gene was shot two months ago when they came to find Nicolas. I never got to see him go. He died because of me and I will always have that. Guilt has got to be one of the strongest human emotions next to love.

I am still. Inside I am crying.

I watch the small cursor blink as I rest my hands over the keys and begin my story. My life.

Gene was always reckless. That's just how he was.

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