Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ The Evil Summer Fic ❯ The Evil Summer Fic2: Revenge of the Hibikis ( Chapter 2 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: ashez2ashes 
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 11.07.2004 | Updated On: 11.07.2004 | Pages: 7 | Words: 4.0K | Visits: 260 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 11.07.2004 | Updated On: 11.07.2004 | Pages: 7 | Words: 4.0K | Visits: 260 | Status: Completed
**IMPORTANT NOTE!**:
You HAVE to read the first part of this fic for this part to make sense...well
it won't make a whole lot of sense anyways so you better read the first one.
Go to http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes/evilsumfic.txt and read it. Trust
me. Btw, this is a spoof. I'd still like comments...just don't take this fic
too seriously.
Contact Info:
ashez2ashes@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes
-------------
Disclaimer: Yes I do own Ranma. Fools! Didn't you know Rumiko Takihashi spends
her free time writing English fanfics? Oh! And the all mighty Rumiko (who I am)
does not need comments on grammer! Damn grammar all to hell! And for all you
grammer phobics out there...Look! Inappropriate
commas!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
MWHAHAHHAAHA!
----
The Evil Summer Fic2: Revenge of the Hibikis
When we last saw our heroes the Hibikis, they were dead.
But, this being a sequel and all, the story has to have them in it. Otherwise
it would be: The Hibiki's bodies laid there, they started to rot, some wolves
came....etc etc, very icky stuff. So despite what looked like happened, the
Hibikis were alive, thanks to...uh...
"Good thing you knew that super special escape-with-family-from-burning-car-
going-over-a-cliff-and-come-out-unscathed-technique Dad!"
Yeah, that'll work.
Ryouga nodded. "And here I thought everything the automobile saftey master had
taught me would never be of any use."
"But what are we going to do now? We don't have a car." The little girl looked
sad and forlornly at their lost vechile...or more exactly at the candy bar that
had been sitting on the seat...DAMN THOSE AMAZONS!
The Hibikis looked around, confused. They were lost, cold, hungry, and
stranded. All of which they were kinda used to, except for their car being a
fiery ball of death. But Ukyou wasn't going to be brought down by some stupid
near death experience! She paid good money for those tickets! And they were damn
well gonna use them even if they died trying!
So, she employed the usual technique they used in situations like this.
"Ryouga! Go out there and stop a car with your body!"
"Okay." Ryouga sighed and walked out into the middle of the road. He coulda
said no, but he didn't want to anger the only person in the family with a sense
of direction. It woulda been totally inappropriate, like putting commas where
they don't belong,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.
Ukyou snapped her fingers. "Oh yeah, and take the kids too! It'll toughen them
up!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!" The kids stopped in their tracks. Except for the baby, he
gurgled some in Ukyou's arms. He IS a baby. What did you expect? Super martial
arts baby moves? JEEEZ.
"Hike up those pants a little more Ryouga! Show some leg! We're not staying by
the side of this road forever!"
Ryouga sighed and looked down the road. The black tar spread around for miles
and miles, in an endless sea of...uh tar. He wondered if they would be trapped
here forever...
Who would save them from this horrible predictament? Would they die on the side
of the road? Would someone find them three years later as a bunch of dried up
skeletons? Would their waywerd souls haunt the highway for the rest of time?!
What will happen to the Hibiki family?! OH NO! CAN THIS BE THE END?!
"Oooh. Dad's glowing again."
Meanwhile, in the Saotome-mobile...
"Dananannananana BATMAN!"
"Please stop that kid."
"Okay Daddy!" A super cute brown haired girl with pigtails giggled from the back
seat of a not quite old blue minivan. She was the epitome of cuteness. Think
of the most cute thing you have ever seen, than tell yourself you suck because
you couldn't think of something as cute.
She embodied everything that little boys fear most in the world.
She...was the little pigtailed girl.
Oh yeah, and an older Ranma and Akane were in the car. She kinda needed them to
drive for her and give her money. But they're really unimportant in the grand
scheme of things. They got old and thus never did anything interesting anymore.
And Ranma is the super martial arts god everyone expected him to be, bla bla bla
yawn yawn yawn.
Ranma scratched his nose from the front seat. "Oh look Akane. It's a gajin
stranger on the side of the road. For some reason I feel he could solve all our
problems, possibley be related to one of us, and be unbeleivabley powerful
too... Whoops. Sideswipped him. Nevermind."
"I gotta go to ta baffroom!" The little girl whined.
"Yeah, yeah. That's why we had to turn around. I got ya."
And so they came upon the waywerd Hibiki family...
"Oh look!" Ukyou pointed to a car coming toward them. "It's Ranma and Akane's
car! What an amazing cohensequence that however is still completley beleivable
in the context of our lives!"
Ryouga nodded sagely. "Yep."
"Ranchan! Over here!" Ukyou waved down the car. "Hey! Ryouga! Get out of the
road! Ya wanna get hit jackass?"
Ryouga's eyebrow twitched as he shuffled off the road. "We ARE married you
know. Maybe you should stop calling him Ranchan."
"Don't want to. I'd loose one of my signature phrases!" She glared at her
stupid husband. "You got a problem with it?"
Ryouga, realizing this would upset the delicate balance of the universe and
leave her without an easy way to stay in character, decided to agree. "You are
right dear."
"Wha? Mr. Saotome's car?" The little boy felt a lump of candy-coated terror
form in his stomache. Where the Saotome car is...SHE would be. He would have
to spend hours in a car with...HER. The terrible thought was more too much for
his mind to handle. There was only one thing he could do.
End it all!
Ryouga grabbed the back of his son's shirt as he tried to throw himself off the
cliff. "You'd just bounce kid. Grin and bear it like a man."
The baby looked slightly disapointed.
"Don't worry. If you end up marrying her, she's sure to treat you better."
The boy looked even more suicidal. "You mean like how mom treats you?"
"Yes...how...your mom treats me..." Ryouga glared. "Go get in the car."
"Ranchan!" Ukyou ran up to Ranma as he stopped his car beside the family.
The window of the minivan rolled down and Ranma stuck his head out the window.
"Hi Ucchan! Ya need a ride?"
"Yeah, our car fell off the cliff and exploded." Ukyou looked down at the
flaming wreckage that had been their car. A fairly large fire had
started...someone would PROBABLY put that out... eventually.
"I hate when that happens." Ranma pointed behind him. "Get in! We've got
plenty of room. Besides, it'll give the kid someone else to bother and we can
catch up."
And thusly, the Hibikis piled into the Saotome car that had like 10 seats. Sure
it was a normal car in the previous evil summer fic part, but it was a car of
the future! They can change at will!
Oh, and the little boy was knocked out and dragged into the car, but he got in
the thing nonetheless.
Ryouga and Ukyou sat directly behind Ranma and Akane. The Kids followed next,
except the baby, who was held in Ukyou's arms. Which the baby didn't
like...because it was mightily hard to be evil while being bounced on someone's
knee.
Damn those mortals...they'll pay one day...yessss one day...
The baby was suddenly distracted by a teething ring Ukyou waved in front of his
face. Damn it all! He had been foiled again! How could she put such impossible
choices in front of him?! Plotting hostile takeover of the world in the name of
evil, or teething? He couldn't let his plans be sidetracked by the caregiver
one! But...the ring...it was so shiny and plasticy...No! He would overcome! He
would make these mortals fear him as they should!
Ukyou shoved the ring in his mouth. MMMmmm...plasticy...
"So Ranchan..." Ukyou glanced down at the baby...he seemed to be fussying over
something. She hoped he didn't need changed again. "How's the dojo?"
"Same old same old. Defeated some guy named Ryu, then some guy named Goku and I
think there was a god the other day too. Oh! And we repainted the sign! It
looks really good! Right Akane?"
Akane raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, you painted inside the lines and everything."
Ranma looked proud.
The conversation degenerated into some really boring grownup stuff, like bills
and deathmatches, and what household cleaners work the best so.....
LAZY AUTHOR VIEWPOINT SWITCH!
In the back of the car, the little boy rejoined the consious world. He looked
around and immediatly knew where he was...HELL. Seeing the packs of pudding in
the back of the van only confirmed it. He desperatley grabbed at the door but
the metal hinges to his prision refused to budge.
DAMN THOSE CHILD SAFTELY LOCKS ALL TO HELL!
He had to escape before SHE noticed he was awake!
"SNOOCKYKINS!"
NOOOOOOOOO!
The little boy silently held his head in defeat.
The pigtailed girl batted her eyelashes and scooted closer to the little boy.
"I missed you! I hadn't seen you at school for everrrrrr and everrrrr. I was
getting worried 'bout you!"
"I was out of the country."
"Doing what?" Her eyes got impossibley more cutesie.
"Trying to stay away from you....and buy more pudding." He had sworn the cornor
store was only a block away...Oh well.
The pigtailed girl scooted even closer to the object of her affections, laying
her head on his shoulder. The little boy tried to flatten himself against the
car door to get away from her.
"Do you love me?" She performed evil eyelash bat attack again.
"No." He countered with 'scared little boy smashed into the car door more'
technique.
"Ok snoockykins."
"That's not my name damn it."
"Then what IS your name?"
"I uh..don't have one."
"Then it must be snookcykins!"
"NO IT'S NOT!"
"Stop picking on the cute little pigtailed girl!" Ukyou smashed her son in the
head with her spatula and then went back to her boring adult conversation. How
did she fit the thing in the vechile and manage to hit someone with it in the
limited ceiling-space of a car?
Four words man. CAR-OF-THE-FUTURE.
"......." was the little boy's response as he rubbed the bump on his head.
"Oh! Are you ok? Want me to kiss it and make it better?"
"No!" He tried the door knob again. Maybe if he broke the glass and threw
himself out. Sure his mom would be pissed, but if he managed to run fast
enough...
"Are you going to marry me someday snoockyins?"
"Would you stop that?!"
The little girl lifted her head from his shoulder. "Got any pudding?"
"No. And I hope you get fat." The little boy glared.
"Would you marry me if I was fat?"
"No!"
"So you'll marry like am I? How sweet of you!"
"We're ten! I don't want to marry you!"
"How about later?"
"No. Never. Leave me alone."
"How can I leave my snookykins alone?"
"Would you just stop bothering me?!"
"Don't yell at the people giving us rides!" The little hibiki girl punched her
brother in the arm. Man, this car was boring! That other girl was bothering her
brother and she had no one to torment.
She glanced out the window and sighed. Nobody to fight...No one to argue with.
Her eyes widened as she spotted something on the horizon.
"OOOOOOOoooooooooooOOooooOO! KAROKE BAR! STOP!"
Ryouga glanced over his shoulder. "You're too young to be in a karoke bar."
"Hey I've been in plenty of--"
"I am not dragging you away again! No daughter of mine is going to become a pop
star!"
The little girl jumped up in her seat and pointed dramatically at the heavens.
"Just wait and see! Someday I'll turn the dojo into a karoke bar! Mark my
words!"
Ranma snickered. "You have a dojo? I've never seen it. where is it?"
"I dunno." Ryouga shrugged. "I've been there a couple of times...apparently
there are students."
"IT'S NEXT TO OUR HOUSE YOU MORON!"
"Whoa. Really?"
Ukyou glared at her stupid husband.
"That's what that building is for?" Ranma scratched his head.
"I've told you about it before Ranma." Akane rolled her eyes.
"Really?"
Akane glared at her stupid husband. And somewhere in Idaho, Argentina, Bejing,
India, Canada, Britian, Korea, and a couple other million places, a lady glared
at her stupid husband. There are a lot of stupid husbands in the world.
Akane glanced at Ukyou's baby and decided to ignore her stupid husband. And
somewhere in Peru, Oregon...aw screw it. You get the picture.
"Are you sure your baby's old enough to have a bandanna? He won't choke on it?"
Akane touched the soft piece of cloth hanging limply around the baby's head.
The baby wasn't TOO young, so it probably wouldn't do too much damage...
The baby's eyes followed her hand, weighing a mental battle of whether to bite
her hand off, or continue with his teething ring...
Mmmm plasticy...
"It's to cover up the third eye." Ukyou shrugged.
Akane laughed softly. "Funny Ukyou."
"Eheheh yeah...funny ...joke." Ukyou coughed, and tried to change the subject.
"Hey Ranchan, where are we now?"
Ryouga snorted beside her.
"Oh, we're not that far away. You guys going to the amusement park too?"
"Yeah." Ukyou nodded.
Ranma looked wistful for a moment as he gazed outside of the window. Things
were so peaceful now. No fiancees, no curses, just a wife who beat him over the
head with a frying pan. But hey! He was proud of his wife. Not everyone could
kill someone with a frying pan TWO different ways!
"Ah. Remember when we were young and you used to try to kill me, Ryouga?
"He tried to kill you the other day when he and Ukyou came over to borrow a cup
of sugar." Akane sighed.
"Oohhhh yeah."
Ryouga smashed his hand into his palm. "I knew I was forgetting something!"
He pushed Ranma out of the window--
But Ranma was instantly back in his seat.
"Argh! Ryouga! That wasn't funny!
"Damn that automobile saftey master." Ryouga cursed all of the levels of hell
that he knew and one that he heard of from one of his older kids. What was that
one again? He was almost sure he'd given that one a name...
The little pigtailed girl giggled and winked at the little boy next to her.
"Grownups are funny."
"Grrr."
"Awww, you're cute when you growl, Snoockykins."
"....." The little boy prayed for death.
And thus, since there had been a lot of talking without anything happening for
awhile, Ranma's car pulled into gas station. The little pigtailed girl had to
go the bathroom and all. Why was there a gas station nearby? Because gas
stations can explode you fools!
"There you go." Ranma glanced back and looked meanifully at his daughter.
"Hurry up, ok? Go straight there and back. We'll wait here."
"But it's dark and scary over there!" The little pigtailed girl looked so cute
passerby had to resist the urge to smack her. "I don't wanna go alone!"
Ranma and Akane felt the immense shame that was upon their family.
Ukyou, used to immense shame, lost children, and having a son that was on the
international most wanted list, rolled her eyes. She pointed at her little boy.
"Go with her!"
The little boy's eyes lit up. He could runaway and get lost! Thank you Gods!
"Here's a leash so he doesn't get lost." She tossed a bunchee chord to the
little girl. "He's not as bad as some of the otehrs but it never hurts to carry
restraints."
Damn the Gods! "A leash?!" The little boy, heir to the Hibiki depression and
oridinatley bad luck (he was special)...freaked out a bit. "DON'T GIVE HER
THAT! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO WITH HER! JUST LEAVE ME AT THE SIDE OF THE
ROAD!"
"Yeah!" The little girl smiled. "Thank you Miss Hibiki."
Yada yada yada, Ukyou said your welcome and then threw the little boy outside,
the story is dragging, etc etc...now the kids are outside!
The little pigtailed girl smiled again...actually, the smile hardly ever leaves
her face. So from now on, the brat is ALWAYS smiling. "I'm gonna buy some
pudding!"
The little boy looked wistful ('cause he has more than one expression). "Some
day, I'll get some pudding of my own..."
"Silly boy, pudding is for girls."
"That makes no sense."
"If you want..." The little pigtailed girl tugged on the tether to pull him
closer. "Pudding can be my dowrrrrrry."
"Must...learn...ShiShi Hodokan thing."
The kids entered the gas station.
"Excuse me Mr.! Can I use your bathroom?" asked the little boy.
The gas station attendent was big and fat and his stained shirt was too small
for him. Why was he fat? Because all gas station attendents are fat! (If you
reading this and are a gas station attendent: HAHAHA! YOU ARE FAT!).
"NO! YOU CANNOT!" Not only was he big and fat, he was angry because his porno
did not arrive at his house today.
"Here's some porno." The little boy handed him some hentai......from somewhere.
It's best not to question it too much.
"Oh okay! You're all right kid. Go on ahead." He threw the keys at him.
For once, the little girl looked caught off guard slightly. She was expecting a
large drawn out battle and argument for the keys, where hilarity would ensue.
Now they were just going to the bathroom? It seemed a bit anti climatic.
But little did they know......THAT THE BABY HAD GOTTEN OUT OF THE CAR!
"Gwa." said the baby as he crawled across the gas station. (Translation: When
the hell am I gonna learn to talk.)
"Baa baa ga ga." (I'm never going to get any lines if I just drool all the
time.)
"Bee de bla ga." (I think I'm a ripoff of Stewey from Family Guy).
"Gig big ga." (Hey, look. It's a pile of matches. That is very dangerous in a
gas station. Someone could get hurt).
"Bee cha googie da!" (I'm gonna play with them!)
The little baby crawled over to the matches. Oh, and there was some open
gasoline. And some shitty pump stations that leacked there too (the guy didnt'
feel like fixing them or telling anyone), because hentai fans are big, fat, AND
lazy! (Note to self: Move to different town).
The little baby reached out his chubby little hand toward the matches. He then
picked one out and, being a freakishly smart little baby, started to strike it
up...
"STOP!" Ryouga grabbed his child. "Your mom tethered me to the car so I could
go look for you..." He glanced at the baby's hand. "Hey, matches! Neat!"
And Ryouga struck one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO M!
And thus, the Hibiki family vacation once again ended in mass murder and
bloodshed. Only this time, they managed to take the Saotomes with them to their
grizzly deaths.
Unless of course, there's a sequel...
THE END?
(maybe...maybe not...)
-----
Contact Info if you are a gas station attendent hentai fan:
pleasedunthurtme@Ihavbrittlebones.com
-----
Contact Info for everyone else:
ashez2ashes@yahoo.com
aim: ashes chan
http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes/
You HAVE to read the first part of this fic for this part to make sense...well
it won't make a whole lot of sense anyways so you better read the first one.
Go to http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes/evilsumfic.txt and read it. Trust
me. Btw, this is a spoof. I'd still like comments...just don't take this fic
too seriously.
Contact Info:
ashez2ashes@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes
-------------
Disclaimer: Yes I do own Ranma. Fools! Didn't you know Rumiko Takihashi spends
her free time writing English fanfics? Oh! And the all mighty Rumiko (who I am)
does not need comments on grammer! Damn grammar all to hell! And for all you
grammer phobics out there...Look! Inappropriate
commas!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
MWHAHAHHAAHA!
----
The Evil Summer Fic2: Revenge of the Hibikis
When we last saw our heroes the Hibikis, they were dead.
But, this being a sequel and all, the story has to have them in it. Otherwise
it would be: The Hibiki's bodies laid there, they started to rot, some wolves
came....etc etc, very icky stuff. So despite what looked like happened, the
Hibikis were alive, thanks to...uh...
"Good thing you knew that super special escape-with-family-from-burning-car-
going-over-a-cliff-and-come-out-unscathed-technique Dad!"
Yeah, that'll work.
Ryouga nodded. "And here I thought everything the automobile saftey master had
taught me would never be of any use."
"But what are we going to do now? We don't have a car." The little girl looked
sad and forlornly at their lost vechile...or more exactly at the candy bar that
had been sitting on the seat...DAMN THOSE AMAZONS!
The Hibikis looked around, confused. They were lost, cold, hungry, and
stranded. All of which they were kinda used to, except for their car being a
fiery ball of death. But Ukyou wasn't going to be brought down by some stupid
near death experience! She paid good money for those tickets! And they were damn
well gonna use them even if they died trying!
So, she employed the usual technique they used in situations like this.
"Ryouga! Go out there and stop a car with your body!"
"Okay." Ryouga sighed and walked out into the middle of the road. He coulda
said no, but he didn't want to anger the only person in the family with a sense
of direction. It woulda been totally inappropriate, like putting commas where
they don't belong,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.
Ukyou snapped her fingers. "Oh yeah, and take the kids too! It'll toughen them
up!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!" The kids stopped in their tracks. Except for the baby, he
gurgled some in Ukyou's arms. He IS a baby. What did you expect? Super martial
arts baby moves? JEEEZ.
"Hike up those pants a little more Ryouga! Show some leg! We're not staying by
the side of this road forever!"
Ryouga sighed and looked down the road. The black tar spread around for miles
and miles, in an endless sea of...uh tar. He wondered if they would be trapped
here forever...
Who would save them from this horrible predictament? Would they die on the side
of the road? Would someone find them three years later as a bunch of dried up
skeletons? Would their waywerd souls haunt the highway for the rest of time?!
What will happen to the Hibiki family?! OH NO! CAN THIS BE THE END?!
"Oooh. Dad's glowing again."
Meanwhile, in the Saotome-mobile...
"Dananannananana BATMAN!"
"Please stop that kid."
"Okay Daddy!" A super cute brown haired girl with pigtails giggled from the back
seat of a not quite old blue minivan. She was the epitome of cuteness. Think
of the most cute thing you have ever seen, than tell yourself you suck because
you couldn't think of something as cute.
She embodied everything that little boys fear most in the world.
She...was the little pigtailed girl.
Oh yeah, and an older Ranma and Akane were in the car. She kinda needed them to
drive for her and give her money. But they're really unimportant in the grand
scheme of things. They got old and thus never did anything interesting anymore.
And Ranma is the super martial arts god everyone expected him to be, bla bla bla
yawn yawn yawn.
Ranma scratched his nose from the front seat. "Oh look Akane. It's a gajin
stranger on the side of the road. For some reason I feel he could solve all our
problems, possibley be related to one of us, and be unbeleivabley powerful
too... Whoops. Sideswipped him. Nevermind."
"I gotta go to ta baffroom!" The little girl whined.
"Yeah, yeah. That's why we had to turn around. I got ya."
And so they came upon the waywerd Hibiki family...
"Oh look!" Ukyou pointed to a car coming toward them. "It's Ranma and Akane's
car! What an amazing cohensequence that however is still completley beleivable
in the context of our lives!"
Ryouga nodded sagely. "Yep."
"Ranchan! Over here!" Ukyou waved down the car. "Hey! Ryouga! Get out of the
road! Ya wanna get hit jackass?"
Ryouga's eyebrow twitched as he shuffled off the road. "We ARE married you
know. Maybe you should stop calling him Ranchan."
"Don't want to. I'd loose one of my signature phrases!" She glared at her
stupid husband. "You got a problem with it?"
Ryouga, realizing this would upset the delicate balance of the universe and
leave her without an easy way to stay in character, decided to agree. "You are
right dear."
"Wha? Mr. Saotome's car?" The little boy felt a lump of candy-coated terror
form in his stomache. Where the Saotome car is...SHE would be. He would have
to spend hours in a car with...HER. The terrible thought was more too much for
his mind to handle. There was only one thing he could do.
End it all!
Ryouga grabbed the back of his son's shirt as he tried to throw himself off the
cliff. "You'd just bounce kid. Grin and bear it like a man."
The baby looked slightly disapointed.
"Don't worry. If you end up marrying her, she's sure to treat you better."
The boy looked even more suicidal. "You mean like how mom treats you?"
"Yes...how...your mom treats me..." Ryouga glared. "Go get in the car."
"Ranchan!" Ukyou ran up to Ranma as he stopped his car beside the family.
The window of the minivan rolled down and Ranma stuck his head out the window.
"Hi Ucchan! Ya need a ride?"
"Yeah, our car fell off the cliff and exploded." Ukyou looked down at the
flaming wreckage that had been their car. A fairly large fire had
started...someone would PROBABLY put that out... eventually.
"I hate when that happens." Ranma pointed behind him. "Get in! We've got
plenty of room. Besides, it'll give the kid someone else to bother and we can
catch up."
And thusly, the Hibikis piled into the Saotome car that had like 10 seats. Sure
it was a normal car in the previous evil summer fic part, but it was a car of
the future! They can change at will!
Oh, and the little boy was knocked out and dragged into the car, but he got in
the thing nonetheless.
Ryouga and Ukyou sat directly behind Ranma and Akane. The Kids followed next,
except the baby, who was held in Ukyou's arms. Which the baby didn't
like...because it was mightily hard to be evil while being bounced on someone's
knee.
Damn those mortals...they'll pay one day...yessss one day...
The baby was suddenly distracted by a teething ring Ukyou waved in front of his
face. Damn it all! He had been foiled again! How could she put such impossible
choices in front of him?! Plotting hostile takeover of the world in the name of
evil, or teething? He couldn't let his plans be sidetracked by the caregiver
one! But...the ring...it was so shiny and plasticy...No! He would overcome! He
would make these mortals fear him as they should!
Ukyou shoved the ring in his mouth. MMMmmm...plasticy...
"So Ranchan..." Ukyou glanced down at the baby...he seemed to be fussying over
something. She hoped he didn't need changed again. "How's the dojo?"
"Same old same old. Defeated some guy named Ryu, then some guy named Goku and I
think there was a god the other day too. Oh! And we repainted the sign! It
looks really good! Right Akane?"
Akane raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, you painted inside the lines and everything."
Ranma looked proud.
The conversation degenerated into some really boring grownup stuff, like bills
and deathmatches, and what household cleaners work the best so.....
LAZY AUTHOR VIEWPOINT SWITCH!
In the back of the car, the little boy rejoined the consious world. He looked
around and immediatly knew where he was...HELL. Seeing the packs of pudding in
the back of the van only confirmed it. He desperatley grabbed at the door but
the metal hinges to his prision refused to budge.
DAMN THOSE CHILD SAFTELY LOCKS ALL TO HELL!
He had to escape before SHE noticed he was awake!
"SNOOCKYKINS!"
NOOOOOOOOO!
The little boy silently held his head in defeat.
The pigtailed girl batted her eyelashes and scooted closer to the little boy.
"I missed you! I hadn't seen you at school for everrrrrr and everrrrr. I was
getting worried 'bout you!"
"I was out of the country."
"Doing what?" Her eyes got impossibley more cutesie.
"Trying to stay away from you....and buy more pudding." He had sworn the cornor
store was only a block away...Oh well.
The pigtailed girl scooted even closer to the object of her affections, laying
her head on his shoulder. The little boy tried to flatten himself against the
car door to get away from her.
"Do you love me?" She performed evil eyelash bat attack again.
"No." He countered with 'scared little boy smashed into the car door more'
technique.
"Ok snoockykins."
"That's not my name damn it."
"Then what IS your name?"
"I uh..don't have one."
"Then it must be snookcykins!"
"NO IT'S NOT!"
"Stop picking on the cute little pigtailed girl!" Ukyou smashed her son in the
head with her spatula and then went back to her boring adult conversation. How
did she fit the thing in the vechile and manage to hit someone with it in the
limited ceiling-space of a car?
Four words man. CAR-OF-THE-FUTURE.
"......." was the little boy's response as he rubbed the bump on his head.
"Oh! Are you ok? Want me to kiss it and make it better?"
"No!" He tried the door knob again. Maybe if he broke the glass and threw
himself out. Sure his mom would be pissed, but if he managed to run fast
enough...
"Are you going to marry me someday snoockyins?"
"Would you stop that?!"
The little girl lifted her head from his shoulder. "Got any pudding?"
"No. And I hope you get fat." The little boy glared.
"Would you marry me if I was fat?"
"No!"
"So you'll marry like am I? How sweet of you!"
"We're ten! I don't want to marry you!"
"How about later?"
"No. Never. Leave me alone."
"How can I leave my snookykins alone?"
"Would you just stop bothering me?!"
"Don't yell at the people giving us rides!" The little hibiki girl punched her
brother in the arm. Man, this car was boring! That other girl was bothering her
brother and she had no one to torment.
She glanced out the window and sighed. Nobody to fight...No one to argue with.
Her eyes widened as she spotted something on the horizon.
"OOOOOOOoooooooooooOOooooOO! KAROKE BAR! STOP!"
Ryouga glanced over his shoulder. "You're too young to be in a karoke bar."
"Hey I've been in plenty of--"
"I am not dragging you away again! No daughter of mine is going to become a pop
star!"
The little girl jumped up in her seat and pointed dramatically at the heavens.
"Just wait and see! Someday I'll turn the dojo into a karoke bar! Mark my
words!"
Ranma snickered. "You have a dojo? I've never seen it. where is it?"
"I dunno." Ryouga shrugged. "I've been there a couple of times...apparently
there are students."
"IT'S NEXT TO OUR HOUSE YOU MORON!"
"Whoa. Really?"
Ukyou glared at her stupid husband.
"That's what that building is for?" Ranma scratched his head.
"I've told you about it before Ranma." Akane rolled her eyes.
"Really?"
Akane glared at her stupid husband. And somewhere in Idaho, Argentina, Bejing,
India, Canada, Britian, Korea, and a couple other million places, a lady glared
at her stupid husband. There are a lot of stupid husbands in the world.
Akane glanced at Ukyou's baby and decided to ignore her stupid husband. And
somewhere in Peru, Oregon...aw screw it. You get the picture.
"Are you sure your baby's old enough to have a bandanna? He won't choke on it?"
Akane touched the soft piece of cloth hanging limply around the baby's head.
The baby wasn't TOO young, so it probably wouldn't do too much damage...
The baby's eyes followed her hand, weighing a mental battle of whether to bite
her hand off, or continue with his teething ring...
Mmmm plasticy...
"It's to cover up the third eye." Ukyou shrugged.
Akane laughed softly. "Funny Ukyou."
"Eheheh yeah...funny ...joke." Ukyou coughed, and tried to change the subject.
"Hey Ranchan, where are we now?"
Ryouga snorted beside her.
"Oh, we're not that far away. You guys going to the amusement park too?"
"Yeah." Ukyou nodded.
Ranma looked wistful for a moment as he gazed outside of the window. Things
were so peaceful now. No fiancees, no curses, just a wife who beat him over the
head with a frying pan. But hey! He was proud of his wife. Not everyone could
kill someone with a frying pan TWO different ways!
"Ah. Remember when we were young and you used to try to kill me, Ryouga?
"He tried to kill you the other day when he and Ukyou came over to borrow a cup
of sugar." Akane sighed.
"Oohhhh yeah."
Ryouga smashed his hand into his palm. "I knew I was forgetting something!"
He pushed Ranma out of the window--
But Ranma was instantly back in his seat.
"Argh! Ryouga! That wasn't funny!
"Damn that automobile saftey master." Ryouga cursed all of the levels of hell
that he knew and one that he heard of from one of his older kids. What was that
one again? He was almost sure he'd given that one a name...
The little pigtailed girl giggled and winked at the little boy next to her.
"Grownups are funny."
"Grrr."
"Awww, you're cute when you growl, Snoockykins."
"....." The little boy prayed for death.
And thus, since there had been a lot of talking without anything happening for
awhile, Ranma's car pulled into gas station. The little pigtailed girl had to
go the bathroom and all. Why was there a gas station nearby? Because gas
stations can explode you fools!
"There you go." Ranma glanced back and looked meanifully at his daughter.
"Hurry up, ok? Go straight there and back. We'll wait here."
"But it's dark and scary over there!" The little pigtailed girl looked so cute
passerby had to resist the urge to smack her. "I don't wanna go alone!"
Ranma and Akane felt the immense shame that was upon their family.
Ukyou, used to immense shame, lost children, and having a son that was on the
international most wanted list, rolled her eyes. She pointed at her little boy.
"Go with her!"
The little boy's eyes lit up. He could runaway and get lost! Thank you Gods!
"Here's a leash so he doesn't get lost." She tossed a bunchee chord to the
little girl. "He's not as bad as some of the otehrs but it never hurts to carry
restraints."
Damn the Gods! "A leash?!" The little boy, heir to the Hibiki depression and
oridinatley bad luck (he was special)...freaked out a bit. "DON'T GIVE HER
THAT! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO WITH HER! JUST LEAVE ME AT THE SIDE OF THE
ROAD!"
"Yeah!" The little girl smiled. "Thank you Miss Hibiki."
Yada yada yada, Ukyou said your welcome and then threw the little boy outside,
the story is dragging, etc etc...now the kids are outside!
The little pigtailed girl smiled again...actually, the smile hardly ever leaves
her face. So from now on, the brat is ALWAYS smiling. "I'm gonna buy some
pudding!"
The little boy looked wistful ('cause he has more than one expression). "Some
day, I'll get some pudding of my own..."
"Silly boy, pudding is for girls."
"That makes no sense."
"If you want..." The little pigtailed girl tugged on the tether to pull him
closer. "Pudding can be my dowrrrrrry."
"Must...learn...ShiShi Hodokan thing."
The kids entered the gas station.
"Excuse me Mr.! Can I use your bathroom?" asked the little boy.
The gas station attendent was big and fat and his stained shirt was too small
for him. Why was he fat? Because all gas station attendents are fat! (If you
reading this and are a gas station attendent: HAHAHA! YOU ARE FAT!).
"NO! YOU CANNOT!" Not only was he big and fat, he was angry because his porno
did not arrive at his house today.
"Here's some porno." The little boy handed him some hentai......from somewhere.
It's best not to question it too much.
"Oh okay! You're all right kid. Go on ahead." He threw the keys at him.
For once, the little girl looked caught off guard slightly. She was expecting a
large drawn out battle and argument for the keys, where hilarity would ensue.
Now they were just going to the bathroom? It seemed a bit anti climatic.
But little did they know......THAT THE BABY HAD GOTTEN OUT OF THE CAR!
"Gwa." said the baby as he crawled across the gas station. (Translation: When
the hell am I gonna learn to talk.)
"Baa baa ga ga." (I'm never going to get any lines if I just drool all the
time.)
"Bee de bla ga." (I think I'm a ripoff of Stewey from Family Guy).
"Gig big ga." (Hey, look. It's a pile of matches. That is very dangerous in a
gas station. Someone could get hurt).
"Bee cha googie da!" (I'm gonna play with them!)
The little baby crawled over to the matches. Oh, and there was some open
gasoline. And some shitty pump stations that leacked there too (the guy didnt'
feel like fixing them or telling anyone), because hentai fans are big, fat, AND
lazy! (Note to self: Move to different town).
The little baby reached out his chubby little hand toward the matches. He then
picked one out and, being a freakishly smart little baby, started to strike it
up...
"STOP!" Ryouga grabbed his child. "Your mom tethered me to the car so I could
go look for you..." He glanced at the baby's hand. "Hey, matches! Neat!"
And Ryouga struck one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO M!
And thus, the Hibiki family vacation once again ended in mass murder and
bloodshed. Only this time, they managed to take the Saotomes with them to their
grizzly deaths.
Unless of course, there's a sequel...
THE END?
(maybe...maybe not...)
-----
Contact Info if you are a gas station attendent hentai fan:
pleasedunthurtme@Ihavbrittlebones.com
-----
Contact Info for everyone else:
ashez2ashes@yahoo.com
aim: ashes chan
http://www.geocities.com/ashez2ashes/