Realism Fan Fiction ❯ They Don't Know Johnny ❯ Johnny Boy... ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Beautiful aroma of passionate roses fulled my lungs as I was about to awaken from my slumber. I turned my body towards the tantalizing sent, it started to faint or die out... And the picture I had mentally painted in my mind of the pink and red moist, fluffy, and damp roses faintly touching my nose and lips as it tickled my face, making me warm. 'No, wait,' I thought I had breathed in the air. Is this real? Or am I dreaming this to myself. All of a sudden as I thought that, a cold deep breath of air had fulled my lungs.

I had awoken to a shock of coldness in my lungs.

I had sat up and turned my head all over the place to see if there where any roses fluttering around my room. Nope, it was all a dream, one of the most peacefulness dreams I had ever had since my mother had walked his earth with me... I tried not to think of it and shook it out of my mind, as fast and as hard as I could. I then sprung up, stretching and yawning my body out off sleepiness.

Good Morning, my name is Johnny James Jackson, and I just don't know where to begin with my life. I have skater shaggy deep dark chestnut brown hair, my bangs sat nicely on the right side of my eyes as I would brush it over that way, death by chocolate with the pinch of honey brown eyes, the surfer dark tan, the deep teenish British voice, and stood at around 5'9 3/4 with the toned surfer body. I have an older brother named Darien. Personally, we don't get along. He get's into trouble with the law, and get's the police coming over our home and invading everything in our house. Not to speak of the sour conduct that slips between his teeth, the cursing and kicking everything that he is unpleasant with. But I just don't live with him, I live with my father Abel, and a number of his... Let's just say girl-friends. Ever since my mother died, my father has been totally depressed and felt disowned. He then put all his time and work into being a architect and didn't get to see him for months and months since mother died, and I lived with my grandmama. Then before you know it, he moved me out of England where I lived all my life and moved my brother and I to Kingfront, California...

Looking, and pausing at the window, seeing that it had rained last night, I gazed out to my door as my feet gently slipped onto the blue carpeted floor. I slightly smiled, thinking it was Friday and that I should be enjoyable, enlightened. But it didn't seem like it was going to happen. Sighing, I tipped towed down stairs and made my way towards the breakfast table where my father was at, frying up some eggs and some pancakes.

"Why good morning love." My father said as I took a seat.

"Good morning father, up early." I said, looking into his dark gray bluish eyes.

He gazed right at me, giving me a look of sorrow. He blew a breath out, shaking his head slightly. "Did I ever tell you how much you just look like your mother?"

I pushed back on the table as I was in the seat, kicking my feet up slightly and stomping it down. I moaned. "Father you told me a million times! And I do not look like a woman!"

He shook his head at me.

"You kids today... Anyway, can you get your lazy brother up already, you have school in about 20 minutes and I'm not making a late excuse for you two AGAIN." My father said, turning his face towards mine as he gave me my breakfast as I thanked him, went to the stair way and yelled out. "Darien breakfast." Paused and waited another minute and walked up the stairs towards his room.

As I did, I taped on his bed room door and knocked very lightly on this door, just in case he was sleeping, or he was getting over his "you know what" the other night. I rolled my eyes, giving a huge heavy sigh and waited a while . . . The boy didn't answer, so a knocked another time, still no answer.

"Darien." I said softly, "Darien are you up? We have school Darien."

I put my ear against his door, as soon as I did that, Darien opened the door and showed me the anger and rage in his eyes. Well, his blood shot red eyes. I rolled my eyes again and gave him a pitiful look. "Had a little fun last night, huh?"

Darien stood at 6'1, had a more buff look. He was a football player, with the dirty blond hair he was trying to grow out. The back of his hair curled out in the back and the front was his skaterish bangs. He had a light tan, dark chocolate eyes, and had a very open smile 99% of the time when I saw him in school.

When I had said that quote to Darien it made him even more anger, the rage and frustration in his eyes only got worst as his dirty blond hair completely covered his dark brown eyes. He was just out of it, I just can't believe he can throw himself on drugs. "LAY OFF!"

"JOHNNY! DARIEN!" My father yelled from downstairs. "Knock it off up there!"

Darien, in all his rage and mortal outrage of just everything, took his huge hand and shoved me out of his way. I then was knocked onto the wall and crashed into the picture on the wall that dropped as I collided into it. At first, I was speechless, then within a second or so, the pain that I got from the sore soon traveled to the tip top of my head to the very end of my spine. I then gave a hiss and looked at Darien watch me get myself up, and try to put back the picture of my mother when she was alive. Darien then snorted and went down the stairs.

I just didn't follow him or anything, just looked at the picture. My mother, died when I was 6 when a disease took her life and my life as well. I have never ever been happy for a long period of time since that day, I normally weep and dwell in my room, when my girl-friend called, I never was in a lot of excitement to talk to her, really though, I just listened to her problems and worries. Not really talking about mine. She asked me what's up, or what's wrong. But I never did tell her, I just say nothing, or I'm just tired. She knows that my mother died, she just thought I got over it and "moved on". Now, how could I forget about my mother? I had know clue.

Pressing my lips then quickly on the glass picture of my mom, I gave her a kiss. "I love you mum, good-morning."

I went downstairs to get my breakfast.


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I normally walked alone, I wasn't much of a "groupie" person walking to school. The sky and the clouds all looked soft enough to just touch for a minute. But I couldn't, they are too high up for me to reach, to high enough for my imagination to take me, I then looked down at the street again, and went on my way.

I was passing the corner and was now at the Kingfront's Public Park. Stepping over a couple of sticks, it was drawn to my attention that to my left the huge maple tree that was on near the entrance of the park was struck my lighting. 'poor tree', I thought as I walked on, but noticed that it shed some of the sap it had been hold for sum hundred years as it sat here. I then walked up to the black bar gates and stuck my hand at the wound, my hands feeling how soft it was, my figure, as I pulled it out, was now very sticky, and the sap now looked like blood. I gasped and wiped it on the bars, walking away from the tree and the park, making a right turn.


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I went to my locker and was now entering my class room.

As I turned towards the class, making my way to my seat, Joey and the gang looked up at me. Not waving or saying a hello or anything, just a long nice hard stair into my eyes. I looked at all of them and waved to see if they would respond. They didn't, just gazed on me while I went to my group desk which I shared with my friends Joseph Nicks, and Tristan Frank and across from me was my girlfriend Abbey Skymins. As always, Joey and Tristan where talking about the "hot girls" in our school, and Abbey was over three rows above me talking to the girls Madelin, Eve, and Kimmikyn (Kim-mik-Kyn) until the bell rung. I just sat tight and gazed off at the window to my right as I took in a big sigh.

"Johnny..." a voice said, I jumped to the sudden random voice and looked at the person.

It was Abbey.

With a slight turn of my left eye turn I looked at the clock then at her and said, "Abbey hey what's up, you know you still have to minutes to talk to your friends."

Abbey stood at 5'2 1/4. Had wide hazel greenish brownish almond shaped eyes, caramel brown skin, heart shaped face, deep chestnut hair that went down to the tip of her chest, that was waved and her short bangs where straight. She looked like an angel in my eyes.

Abbey's hazel greenish brownish eyes looked into my orbs. I then slipped my hand into hers as she quivered a little, bitting her bottom lip. As if I have never touched her hand before she blushed and giggled underneath her breath. I then smiled, looked at her in awe. She then turned her head to the left of her, towards the wall. I then chucked to myself as I whispered into the air.

"What's up..."

She then whispered back to me. "Nothing at all."

I smiled back. Leaning into the table and whispering in her ear some more. Giving her a devilish look I then sat back. She turned her head away, she said. "Johnny, my moms having a baby shower for the new baby. . . I would love it if you came."

Looking, first at the dark raven black table then up at her with her eyes peering straight at me, she willing in the plead in her eyes begged for me to come. I looked away at first, then I looked at her, I smiled and with no expression on my face but a look on unsureingness.

Her eyes opened wide, as if she wasn't expecting that answer from me. "Oh Johnny, please would you come to my mothers baby shower.. It would mean the world to me... Please Johnny." She slipped both of her gentle hands into my one hand, still looking at me with plead. It wasn't like I didn't want to go. It's just that, ever since my mother died, my father has taken little interest in joy occasions like baby showers. The only time that it was brought up in our house was when my family members visits us from England. But this has changed my life so much I had become very sensitive and very depressed. Ever since my father forced me into going into depression classes, they resorted many of the times to go and look at the bright sides of things. I never really applied myself to be positive at all times.

One thing they said I should do was put my passion of surfing back into my life to cool my depression matters off. Which meant that I would be in a social area with my friends. So when I started hanging out with the gang a little more surfing and things, I was doing a little less of hurting myself or crying in my room, I seemed to not become so fully depressed and alone. Then when I heard that Abbey liked me, I had stopped fully hurting my body in harmful ways and crying on my bed and started worrying about my looks and how I acted with all the other guys. More like to Darien (in his words) I started to act more like him, which was some what true to be honest. But positiveness was something that I lacked in life, if your where talking in general. And the last, the very last thing I want too loose is her because of my doubts and lack of going or not going to this baby shower.

I swallowed and responding looking deep into her eyes. "I... I will have to see... Maybe..."

When I was about to lick the top of my lip I noticed that my mouth was dry and my voice was scratchy and very pitchy.

She started to looked at me. "Oh, please try to go Johnny! It would mean the world to me if you would come."

"I'll see...." I stumbled on every word I had said, I felt my body roasting like a goose.

As I had said that, like it was a sene, the teacher walked right in to save me from speaking anymore stupid things. The class had started and I was already sweating and uncomfortable in my seat. Abbey started to stare at me with a warm smile on her face as I tried to not notice her. I opened my notebook and wrote down what the teacher wrote down in the board.


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It was lunch time, I had to go to my locker and get my social study's booklet for 7th period, which was after lunch. I was about to shut my locker when heard a voice I knew echoing from the other hall of lockers, I then shut the top of my locker and listened as the sound got louder and more stronger. My eyes widened as I heard them getting to my locker, my mind started rushing as I thought it was a bully. I had too many of them I couldn't count how much. And the reason was because I was the wimp, and Darien was the strong and bold brother I normally would stand on the side lines not trying to get hurt. While Darien was trying to find a way to get another hurt. Telling everyone if they had came too close to him, he would knock them out. Which he did, but as soon as he hurls the fifth person into the wall, he's sent to the principles office, and I'm left there as "fresh meat" and that's the time I get knocked out. The next day Darien would knock the person out, then start bragging about he can knock anyone out, then beats up a couple of people and go to the office. And it would go on again, again, and again. It was like a movie with no ending in it, and every sequel would get worst and worst until it would completely die at a point of time. And this was just was one of those moments.

I suddenly got a view of the male voices.

Clinging onto my books at first, then dropping them. I noticed it was just Allen and Dave just joking around at the locker room. I sighed in relief, holding my hand to my chest in a dramatic way that it looked as though I was having a heart attack. Allen at first, looked at me with a very odd look in his face as if he didn't know who I was. I looked at him in the same matter. Then Dave started laughing out of randomness until Allen placed his index finger on his lips. Allen then changed his body motion and said to me in a deep voice. "Why are you trembling?"

"I'm... I'm... I'm not trembling." I mange to say, my forehead starting to sweat and drip preparation.

Allen eyed me as if I was a joke. Then he took in a wisp of air and said. "Sure you’re not, so how's your sad classes going?"

I glared at him as if I was Death at the moment. Allen, noticing my eyes shot up and he took a step back. "Allen, I told you not to announce that!"

"And besides . . . " Dave said, doing a awkward pose. "It's not sad classes Allen, it's lil' depression classes..."

I darted at him, giving them both a death glare as I crossed eyes with them both. "Shut it!"

Daves eyes popped out as he backed away as well, Allen on the other hand went up towards me and said. "So, did you tell the others yet?"

I looked down from the spot I was standing in. I haven't spilled out to everyone yet that I had Melancholia, which is a extreme depression. And I take council for it, the doctors says that it's normal... But how is it normal if I am the only one I know going through this? Many of times I had wondered that, but it seemed as I did that, it would get worse and worse. My councilor Mr. Londun always told me to when I feel like I'm going to get in a very sad state is to think "positive" and look around at what I have. He also says referred me to the Bible and said verses that many said and all that. I seemed not to get it at first, but he lead me through some of it, until he had noticed that this wasn't working and asked me about my life once again. They also had given me pills or "drugs" to take 4 times a day. One when I wake up, when I am done eating breakfast, one after dinner, and one before I go to bed.

I looked at Allen, he had a wide smile on his face. I swallowed as he gave me the looks and turned to Dave and laughed. "So you didn't tell Abbey huh."

I blushed all of a sudden. I could tell from the heat the burnt on my checks that made me feel so not calm about myself. I then looked down and gave him the response that he wanted. "No.. No I didn't just yet."

"Why?!" Dave stepped onto the plate. "You chicken?"

I defiantly didn't liked being called one at all. It hurts a lot when people go up to me and say all this stuff about me being weak, stupid, and a girl... Which I am not at all, I'm just as my father says just a little sensitive. But then again, I'm just utterly just misunderstood, and again I'm picked on. It hurts so much, like an unbelievable hard pain in your chest that wants to make you cry when it comes up. The feeling starts deep down in your heart, like a wet cold blanket on your head, and the deep cold feeling spreads out all around your body until you get that stinging tease in you.

"No, he's not a chicken. He's a wimp!" Allen smirked, pointing at me and chuckling with Dave.

"I'm not . . . I'm seriously not . . . " I softly said, backing into the wall again and held my hands towards my chest, I wanted to cry just now as welds of emotional tears where creping up from my eye lids.

"You’re a girl, girrrllyy girrll... Girrrllyyy girrrlll!!!!" Allen and Dave kept on saying, pointing and dotting the figure at me as I tried to hold back my fears and tears. I dared myself to cry, just dared myself to cry once. My left hand shook a bit as I felt my feet go numb. I wanted to just run away into a bathroom stall and cry my heart out. I bit my lip hard and raw as they made fun of me some more as I tried to block out there taunts.

Dave pushed it to far...

Walking himself over to me, he grasped my arms and sung me around and threw me to the ground with a hard "bang". Tears then streamed down my eyes as I couldn't bare it at all, I just couldn't control it. No words came out of my mouth... I was speechless just all I saw was tears going down and down tripping on my hands. It was so embarrassing and horrid. Allen then picked me up again while I was crying and Dave took his big mighty hand shoved me into the lockers.

"I don't want a cry baby!" Allen pointed out, once again shoving me into Dave arms as if I was a rag-doll.

"Nor do I!" A couple of beats and as soon as you know it I lost my voice and gasped in all the air I could. When Dave took it away, I couldn't get my air out at all, I was in shock. My tears streamed down my checks then suddenly stopped as I tried with all my might to exhale the amount of air I had in my lungs. It wouldn't come out and now I was laying there trying and trying to breath. But the more and more I did, the more and more air I had in me which made it harder for me to exhale. Until Allen rolled me over to see if I was still alive.

"Breath come on, BREATH!" He said as a joke as he kicked me some more.

All the carbon dioxide came out of my lungs as my body shivered in fear while they blew at me some more times, until they heard foot steps. Got there bags, and left me as if I was bloody road kill. A down pour of tears went down my eyes by the millions. I didn't even want to think about anything else but me dying right now. I had personally thought of it millions of times. Me dying in some kind of phase like this. I didn't really have no will to live. Besides my girlfriend, my father, and my brother. But I bet you they all care less and less about me every day of there lives. And going and disappearing from this world now would save me seeing them leave me like my mother did. I think that no one wants me to be happy, unless I work my soul off to really get it. Night-terrors, depression, no real relationship with my girlfriend, a mess up dad. And many other things flawed my happiness. Leaving now just now would solve everything.

I closed my eyes tight as I felt all the pain travel all over my body as I felt my back swelling as I went completly numb. Closing my eyes, I believed I was fainting..

White filled my eyes as I closed them.

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The hospital was the most calmest thing that I had ever been to besides my basement. I relaxed as much as I could until my father and Mr. Londun had entered the room, then I knew that I wasn't in good company. I closed my eyes and then opened them again, just to see if I was imaging them at all, but no, I sadly wasn't. I could see them in eye distance though the glass window in the door, walking ever so slowly to prolong me from screaming my head off. I moaned as they came closer and closer into my room. I then laid back as the door swung opened and popped out my councilor and my father.

"Oh Johnny... What has happened to you." Mr. Londun said, pushing the brown bangs off of my forehead, but they went in the same place.

I thought at first I couldn't talk, truth, I was just afraid that I wouldn't be able to and everyone would freak out. First I sighed and then said. "I got into a fight."

Fathers eyes widened as Mr. Londun wrote what I had said, his gray eyes peering straight into mine. I quivered as he shook is head as he checked over his writing. My father, standing in the far corner, looked at me as if he was disappointed. That's when I put down my head and fiddled my thumbs. My heart was tensing up, I noticed that my hands starting to shake intensely as I tried to get out all the bad stuff out of my mind. Bitting my lip, I looked up at Mr. Londun, he looked down from me.

"Johnny, how did this happen?" My father said, putting his hand on my left shoulder, waiting for my direct answer.

I didn't know how to put it, I got made fun of just because I didn't tell my friends of my deep depression? No, that seems to awkward for me to be saying something like that. I slumped my body down and took a deep sigh, Mr. Londun wrote again, watching me sharply like a hawk from ten feet away eying it's pray.

"I don't know..." I bruted out, I was to afraid to say. "I don't want to talk about it."

Mr. Londun obviously, didn't like what I had said and totally disagreed on the matter and said. "Johnny, I talked about you saying you don't know what happened. The way to feel better and get your point out things that will give us a great picture on what we should do about this situation..."

"I DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!" I screamed, my bubbles burst as I interrupt what he had to say. "AND I DON'T WANT YOU ALL HAPPY EITHER!" I fisted my arms and grunted.

"I'm sorry Paul I'm interrupting your talking," my dad started saying. "Johnny, if you don't want us or you to be happy. . . Then child what do you want?!"

For once in my life, My father had got out a point to me. Why I say that in the first place? I seriously didn't mean it... But sometimes Mr. Londun, or Paul, get's me so mad and I just get over worked, and then I say things I don't mean to say. Then it get's blown out of proportion and they think I meant it a different way... That's when I get more frustrated. Then before you know it, I'm an over depressed little boy. With no mommy and a very moody daddy.

Tears formed in my eyes as I thought of my mother's death and my loneliness without her. Darien thought I was a mommy's little boy because of this. But you know what, I am one, and I'll say that. Because I loved and still love my mother. She had always been there for me, loved and supported me through very tough and very uneasy times. My heart pumped with the emotion that I had and will feel. I then looked up at my father, he wanted an answer from me, his hazel eyes tarted right into mine, I looked down and said. "I can't explain...."

Father stepped back a pace. He turned in the direction to leave. I looked down and started to cry a little, just to get down some tears, for no apparent reason actually. I could have stopped them by talking a little more. But a part of me wanted them to just ... disappear.

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As we pulled slowly up the driveway at night, I gazed at my fathers anger. "Johnny.... What is with you."

I looked back at him, I shifted over a bit in my seat as he gave me a hard look. I said. "I don't know... I can't explain..."

He looked away, giving a huff of air out. Then taking a deep, cool breath out, he calmly said looking and pausing at me. "Why can't you be normal?"

My heart skipped a beat it felt like. My father, thought I wasn't normal! Then what was I then to him. A dummy! My mind spun around in circles. "W..wewewel...." I choked on my own words as I stumbled on saying the next sentence. "I am who I amm father..."

Exhausted probably, tired, and weakened father froze from my comment. He lifted up a finger as if he was about to tell me off, then stopped and put his fingers on the staring wheel and said. "Just go inside Johnny, I'll be right there."

"Yes father..." I said, hopping out of the car rather quickly and pace walking to the door, slamming it behind me.

I could tell that my father watches me get out and walk into the house in some rage. Now I know that my father doesn't acknowledge who I am. He.. In summary disowns me right now. The first time ever I felt literary disowned. As if no one in this whole world didn't want me. Which was some what true, then again some what of a lie to be actual. I put my jacket away as I thought of everything that just had happened in the car ride. But my thoughts where interrupted from a deep british voice that echoed threw my ears like a big bass drum. I turned towards the direction of the awful noise.

"Johnny James!!! Where the world have you been?!" Darien spazed as I saw him in my view. "Me and your father where worried about you!!!"

My eyes lowered as he gave me a "pity, pity" look. I shook my head and said. "Mmhmm... And where is my father?"

"LOOKING FOR YOU!" Darien blurred out.

"Okkay???" I said, I shook my head and headed towards the stairs. "I don't have time for this... I'm going to bed, good night Darien and also you might wanna get the drinks off of the coffee table before father walks into the house and see's it."

Darien barked back at me before I could take at step. "Abbey called stupid. She said to remember to come to her mothers shower baby.... or something like that."

"Good night!" I screamed back. "I KNOW ALREADY.."

"Bye dummy." Darien said, snickering back.

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The next day, I had gotten up and fixed myself up for the day. Adjusting the collar of my polo, I checked myself in the mirror. At first I saw me, plan, worried, old me. But then, I looked a little closer at myself, and what I saw was a child, a lonely sad child with tears in his eyes and confusion in this looks. I then noticed that child was me. As I looked on I saw another vision next to my youth, it was my mother... My mother and I standing in the mirror looking right at me with disfigured looks. I blinked and wiped my eyes to see if what I was seeing was surreal. Keeping my eyes wide open I started to inhale large amounts of air saying, "It's all in my head, it's all in my head..."

As I walked down the steps of my house, I turned to my fathers smile as he looked out the window into the little garden project me and him where working on last summer. It wasn'y really going anywhere, just little buds where coming and it seemed like those 7 hour summer mornings where useless and just a waste of time. Father looked at me with a open expression in his face as if he has just remembered something he had to tell me.

"Johnny about yesterday..."

I sat in the chair, poured the milk in the bowel that had neatly placed on the table for me to take. I then scooped the Cheerio's out of the box into the sea of milk, a tsp of sugar and cut up some banana's and ate a some. Chewing the meal, I looked at him as I swallowed the content in my mouth. "What about yesterday..."

"Yesterday I lost my spot love, and I'm sorry if I made you mad or anything." He said, sitting down next to me.

I kind of chucked a bit, as if I was losing my mind. I then shook my head and dumped the rest of my cereal in the sink, putting water in the empty plate. Then headed towards the back door. "You know what dad, you have no idea nor does anybody else knows how you all make me feel every signal $*#@ing day."

I slammed the door behind me as I reached into my pocket and took out some of my pills popping two in my mouth then heading towards the hose, drinking some of the nasty cold water. Then turning the hose off I went into the shead and got my surf board, went to my dad's jeep, threw the surf board in the back (I took the keys before I left) and zoomed out of the house, I could see my dad in the background screaming out the door. I just focused on the road as the clouds had turned gray.

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As I turned on the radio to 1032.3 ROCKXZ FM I blasted the station as the song "Paralyzed" by Rock Kills Kid boomed though the loud speakers. Perfect song for the perfect depressing emotion that went though my mind down to the tip of my toes. As I stopped at the light, getting close to the shore, I looked to my left to see my school. I hated that place so much, I never want to go to school ever. I had facing all these people who bully me every day, I mean Darien would support me, but still I was just to weak to fight on my own.

As the light turned green, I stirred up my face into dirty looked as I pushed hard on the peddle as I zoomed down the lane. I was doing about 70 now on a 20 mph zone. I just didn't care and there was no cops in sight. My hands griped the steering wheel as I almost reached up to 80. The wind was so harsh that I had to crank the radio up a few more volumes to hear it clearly.

I cooled the speed down a as I was only minutes away from the place. Once I reached there I parked my car right next to the shore, at first I just froze there, looking at the people there. There was some but not all because of the colds. The sky was light gray but it was still hot outside, it looked like it was about to rain. But I ignored that. As I peered around a little more, I saw Abbey! She looked beautiful as she wore her Bermuda light olive green shorts, her green I <3 Green Day shirt and the white pocka necklace I had given her on valentines day. But she was talking with someone, he had blond skater hair, he was tan and had a big smiled on his face as he looked about my brothers hight. As I squinted my eyes a little more, I could see that it was non other then Allen that she was talking to! My bully, I then glued my eyes deathly on his face, I jumped out of my car, slamming the door, not even taking out my surf board yet, ran down to the both of them. My brown DVS's digging in sand as I finally reached to them.

"What’s going on here?" I asked, trying to act tall.

"Oh hey Johnny." Abbey said, planting a kiss on my right cheek. "I'm just chilling with Allen."

I said nothing as he gave me a snickered look.

"So Johnny, how was the doc's yesterday?" Allen looked up at me, chewing his gum very loudly, showing off his perfectly white and straight teeth.

"The doc's?" Abbey looked at me. "Johnny why where you at the doctor's yesterday? Is that why you weren't there the whole afternoon yesterday?"

"Uh..." If I would tell her, what would she think of me? As a cowered? I choked on my words again. Not knowing what to say? 'Hey Abbey, I got beaten up yesterday by Allen and Dave? Aren't you proud of you boy friend?' Then that would only lead to her saying 'Why?' then me saying 'Because I was being bullied for my depression classes I have been secretly not telling you about because I cry in my sleep?' ... And God only knows what would happen after THAT happens...

"Oh wait Johnny? You didn't tell her where you were yesterday? But wait! Isn't she your girlfriend? Isn't she suppose to tell your girl everything???!!!??" Allen said. Either way, Allen was going to let me or him blurt out the real reason anytime now..

"I don't have to know everything everything." Abbey said, putting her arms around my slender body. "I mean I'm not his mother or anything."

That word, mother... Flashbacks and a slight gasp filled up my mind and my lungs. Abbey felt my body take a step back as I gasped. No words could come out as my lips stayed parted.

Allen snickered once more, his gum seems to be chewed even louder then before as you could see Allen's bright green eyes dance with excitement. "So I'm guessing your little Secret hasn't left the bag yet? Hey? Johnny? Well you better not keep your little girl waiting in suspense nor should you let the others! What? They don't know, Johnny?"

I felt Abbey's arms quickly let go of me as I was about to jump Allen, but then a strong forceful arm pulled my body back. I turned around to see the others there. Joey, Tristan, Madelin, Eve, and Kimmikyn. Tristan's hand was the one to pull me back from fighting. His arm stayed abruptly on my left shoulder.

I didn't know what to feel at this point, they where all there. I didn't know what to do now. My legs buckled up as I stood my ground. I could feel me breathing heavy out my teeth as I tried to control my breathing.

"HA!!!" Allen smiled a divlish very in vain smile. He then laughed as he said. "We are waiting and fighting you again would be a waste of my time. Don't you think?"

I looked at Abbey as she looked up at me in confusion. "What is he talking about?" She asked.

"The reason he wasn't there the rest of class yesterday was because me and Davie whooped his behind fighting him yesterday!!" He said smiling. "He's weak! He says he has fought! But his brother fights his battles! ISN'T THAT RIGHT JOHNNY???"

I said nothing, I couldn't even look at my friends or my girlfriend.

"And why don't you tell them your other secret???!?!? Hey Johnny boy??? That your have Melancholia???" He said.

"What's Melancholia?" Madelin asked.

"Melancholia is extreme depression and where he cries like a little baby. In fact---" Before he could even finish his sentence I shoved out of the crowd and walked away from them all. The feeling that was slumped down in my throat was a feeling of discomfort and a feeling of confusion... I was about to cry. Now did I not have any more friends. But my girlfriend probably thinks I'm a total freak of nature. I was walking towards my car when I felt a grip on my hand. I reacted fast as I thought it was Allen, so the arm I though he was grabbing I hit him in the head with. Once I turned around I saw it was Abbey I hit! Tears where already running down my face as my heart crashed as the left cheek that I hit her on turned bright red.

"What the freak is your problem Johnny!?!?!" tears started to steam down her eyes. She touched her right cheek gently as my eyes popped out of my face.

"Oh my God!" I suddenly said. Second reaction I did was getting in my car and turning on the gas.

She shook out of it as I saw the spot I hit her in turn different colors. "Johnny!" She said as she started to bang on the window.

I shook my head as I turned out of the parking lot and sped down the road, the music blasting and my face plastered in tears.

-

When I got home, no one was there, it started to rain as I left the surf board in the jeep. I walked up the porch and jammed the keys into the door and let myself in. I collapsed on the wall to my right as I started to cry my head off. I couldn't stop it, I started to feel numb as I rubbed my eyes constantly until my eyes where hasey and my face was watery. I then half way picked myself up and dragged myself into the kitchen. finally resting half of my body onto the kitchen counter table I looked into a pot that was placed randomly where I was resting on. I looked into it to see my eyes where blood shot red. Sighing, then rolling my eyes as I slumped my body onto the ground and laid there in a ball as I started to pull on my hair, I could feel the pain from my skull. I started to shake violently as I was having a nervous break down.

Suddenly, I crawled my way up to the counter table again, gliding my half working body into the bathroom as I tried to hold on to anything. I was still crying and still hyperventilating my body shaking and cracking at every move I made.

As I went into the bathroom, flickering on the light, holding onto the wall so I don't collapse or anything. I made it to the sink, resting my arms onto my right hand reached for the med's in the mirror door as I looked for my depression pills. I then let my right hand down to turn on the hot water. Then finally letting it go up and find the med's. Some of the other med's in the cabinet spilled into the sink and all around. But then finally, I got the right one, I then bit my tongue as I got it open in four shots. I gulped down some saliva as I placed about 20 to 25 pills into my hand. I looked at the disgusting pink and white pills for only a couple of minutes as I swallowed them all, over dosing the amount I was suppose to take. Then as I felt the pills jaming and being forced down my throat, I reached my mouth over to the sink and dipped my head to take in some water, as the pills flowed down the thoat more smoother. I waited there a couple of minutes, no sound came out of my body. The only sound was the clock and the water rushing down the sink. After about 15 minuted of me zoning I then got up and turned off the water. I breathed out as I felt my body refusing the over dosing meds, I then rushed over to the toilet and threw up everything. I then sat there for a moment, the feeling was unbelievable. My thoat was burning from the 25 sum meds coming back up with the mushy bannana, crunched up cheerios, milk, and the retched the most nauseating stomach acid. I couldn't believe what was going on. I started to pant as I walked out of the bathroom and into the living room crashing on the sofa.

I felt a vibration on my pants. It was my cell phone, I reached it to see it said "Abbey" on the front of my luster black Razor flip phone. I shook my head as I threw my cell back in my pocket and turned on the T.V. to watch Viva La Bam. As if nothing had happened. I thought back at the few events that had been plastered in my mind.

A couple of times for the past hour my phone has been ringing and my cell had been vibrating, but I ignored it as if they weren't even there. I looked over at the clock. It was 14 of 4. Or 4:14. The episode of Bam I was watching was the one where Bam and his gang where playing the dare-spin-the-wheel game. It was pretty interesting. I slanted my head forward as I felt my body feel more relaxed and calm. I could feel my mussels become less tense.

Until the door went knocking.

I shook my head, turned off the T.V. and got up from the sofa, hoping it was Darien. I swing open the door, to see non other then Abbey, her body kind of damp, looking at me in some kind of confusing look. I just stared at her as I remembered some things that the others where saying thoughout this day...

>Flashbacks<

"We are waiting and fighting you again would be a waste of my time. Don't you think?"
....
"What is he talking about?"
....
"The reason he wasn't there the rest of class yesterday was because me and Davie whooped his behind fighting him yesterday!!"
......

"He's weak! He says he has fought! But his brother fights his battles! ISN'T THAT RIGHT JOHNNY???"

.....

"What's Melancholia?"

....
"And why don't you tell them your other secert???!?!? Hey Johnny boy??? That your have Melancholia???"

....

"I'm just chilling with Allen."
......

"What? They don't know, Johnny?"

....

They

...

Don't

. ..
Know

...
Johnny....

>End of flashbacks<

'They don't know Johnny' scared into my head forever and forever. Abbey was know looking at me. Her eyes looked beat-up and tired. She looked scared. "Johnny! Please don't close the door on me!! Please Johnny don't!! I just want to talk to you."

I rolled my eyes as I stepped back to let her in. She shivered as her skin came in contact with the warmth of the house. I slammed the door behind me as she sat down on the sofa, as I sat on a recliner on the other side. Not looking at her.

"Johnny... Look." She said, sighing. "Johnny why didn't you tell us."

I said nothing.

"Look Johnny. Lying to us, yes I'm mad about. But lying about something like this? Not telling me you suffer though Melancholia? Oh Johnny...." She sat there for a moment, just not saying anything. "Johnny why didn't you tell us?"

My face, still looking down, She then walked over to me, knelling down on her knee's as she said. "Johnny, why didn't you tell me?"

I then looked into her eyes. I couldn't lie to her anymore, I felt a feeling I had never felt before as I realized what I had done. I had not only lied to my girlfriend. I lied to the person I really do care about and I do love. "I didn't want you to think I was a freak."

She sighed in relief as she looked at me. "Johnny, I would never think you are a freak. You’re my boy friend. My best friend. I love you Johnny, and nothing will ever change that. And this depression thing. Hey, we all have little errors in our lives. But not letting other people like your friends know and see these differences well hun, your going to feel lost." She smiled.

What she said, did make sense. I felt kind of silly for a moment. But it was a feeling that I would rather have then feeling like no one cared.

"Do the others see me as a freak?" I asked.

"No!" Abbey said, confident in that. "We all go though tough times hunny.."

"Abbey..." I was letting out everything. "I know I haven't been honest. . . But the reason is because I thought if I was myself that you would think I'm some kind of crazy weirdo. I am weak and I am not the best material as a boyfriend. The reason I go though depression is because of my mothers death, I just never really had a mother in my life and it just feels like I'm missing apart of me..." I went on.

As I told her everything, I could see expressions I though I would only see in my face. The thing was she was taking not as a professional councilor, but she was taking it as a friend as a caring person. As a human. She read the words out of my lips in carful detail that everything that didn't sound good, she reacted not so good. She wouldn't just nod her head, she would act as if she was going though it as well. I have never seen someone take such interest in my problems as she did.

As I finished. She reached over and hugged me as we both broke down in tears. "Oh Johnny, I didn't know. And I don't think you’re a bad boy friend at all.."

You don't?" I said, as she wiped the tears from my eyes.

"No. Not at all." She said smiling. "I think your different. Like I am and like how Joey, your dad, Darien, Madelin and others are. And I love you for who you are. You make me laugh, your so caring, you listen to me, and your so sweet and so sensitive." She said and she kissed my lips and hugged me again.

For once in my life. I could feel not my heart skip a beat or feel like it was dropping. But my heart felt like it was leaping for joy. An emotion I haven't felt since my mother held me in her arms.