Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction / Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Nexus Academy ❯ VanHeilton John Osborn ( Chapter 20 )

VanHeilton John Osborn:

Spirit of Kareoke

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: I only own the original characters. I do not own characters from TV shows, video games, books, and so on. They are owned by their respective creators.

 

 

 

 

“Students, listen up! Luffy, stop chewing with your mouth open!” Everyone in the school was in the auditorium. Headmaster Robins and Dean were both standing in front of a closed, red curtain. “In a few days we'll be holding our annual Kareoke Night.” Robins said. “Students may enter this contest and try to win the grand prize… anything within my power… which is very limited.”

 

“Kareoke Night?” Sasuke said. “What a dumb idea.” He was suddenly shocked by his watch. “Stop that!” Sasuke yelled. “Listen.” The voice from the watch said. “Remember that key you need to get into the Secret Library? Robins has it; if you win the contest you can take the key from him!”

 

“But I don't do singing.” Sasuke said angrily. He was shocked again. “Knock that off, it's annoying!” Sasuke yelled at his watch. Everyone turned to stare at him. “What?” He asked.

 

“Right…” Dean said. “Well, here to show you how Kareoke Night's done, please welcome the musical styles of…” The curtain opened revealing Jango Fett at a piano and another man at the microphone, “Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jango Fett!”

 

 

 

 

Obi-Wan:

A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the federation in
To maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where... we found... this boy

 

Battle Droid:

(Begins playing guitar)

 

Obi-Wan:

Oh,
My, my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
He left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi, Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

(Music quickens)

Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave
But he can use the Force, they say

Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday

Well, I know he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew poop who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy

We started singin' ...
My, my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi, Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh, the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance, to the Force?
They interviewed the kid
All training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here"
"Just stick it in your pointy ear"
"I still will teach this boy"

He was singin' ...
My, my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi, Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

 

Jango:

(Shoots Battle Droid so guitar music stops)

 

Obi-Wan:

We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some Gungans died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy

And I was singin' ...
My, my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi, Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We were singin' ...
My, my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

 

 

Everyone stared at that bizarre sight. “Okay… you guys weren't as excited about that as me.” Dean said. “Oh, well. Jango will be playing piano for anyone who needs it.” He used the Force to close the curtains.

 

 

 

“Every time that I look at myself,” Sasuke sang terribly in the music room, “I can't believe how awesome I am. I mean, how awesome I ammmmmmmm!” `Don't worry, Sasuke.” Dean said. “That was… great.” Naruto laughed. “Dude, that was terrible!” He said.

 

“Watch it.” Sasuke said. “I'd like to see you do any better.” “Okay!” Naruto said. He grabbed a nearby guitar and held it upside down. “Um… Naruto?” Dean said. He pointed at the guitar. Naruto turned it around. “Like this?” Naruto asked.

 

“Oh, brother.” Sasuke said. “Naruto's never even played an instrument! How will he—?”

 

 

 

Naruto:

(Playing guitar perfectly)

TRGDOR!

TRODOR!

Trogdor a man

Well, sort of a dragon man

Or maybe just a dragon

But he was

TROGDOR!

TROGDOR!

Burninating the country-side

Burninating the peasants

Burninating all the people

In their THATCHED-ROOM COTTAGES!

THATCHED ROOM COTTAGES!

(Dueling guitar solo; spoken)

Whoa. This is like one of those wicked dueling guitar solos.

It's like Squeedly versus Madeley over here.

Go Squeedly.

Go Squeedly.

Squeedly wins!

(Singing)

When all the land is in ruin

And Burnination has forsaken the country-side

Only one guy will remain

My money's on

TROGDOR!

TROGDOR!

And the Trogdor comes in the NIGHHHHHHHHHHT!

 

 

 

“Amazering.” Dean thought. “The power of the Nine-Tailed Fox has incarnated itself in the form of extremely metal METAL!” “Naruto!” Dean said. “I'll train you to win Kareoke Night!” “But I don't want to—.” Naruto said before Dean grabbed him and rushed out the door.

 

“I don't believe it.” Sasuke said. “Naruto's going to beat me at Kareoke Night… wow, that sounded weird. Now what do I do?” Sasuke sighed and put his head on the table. “Wait.” He said. “They throw this once a year, so…” Sasuke smiled slyly. “I'll get this watch off of me soon enough.”

 

 

 

 

“You two?!” Sasuke said at the school's courtyard. “You two were last year's winners?!” “Uh… yeah.” Ping said. “Why? You need our help with something?” Pong asked.

 

“I didn't even know you two could sing.” Sasuke said. “We didn't know you couldn't.” Ping said. “Yeah, you're the kinda guy we thought could at least say something in a high-pitched voice.” Pong said.

 

Sasuke sighed. “Listen, I'm going to need your help.” He said. “I need you two to enter Kareoke Night and win Headmaster Robin's key for me. I don't ask for help much, so when I do it's a big deal. Got it?”

 

“Sure, Sasuke!” Ping said. “We'll win this thing together just like we did last year! Right, Pong?” “Um… no.” Pong said hesitantly as he began pacing. “I was kinda thinking of… entering this contest myself… and winning.”

 

Ping's mouth fell open. “But why?!” He said. “We always do this stuff together! What the hell would make you go out on your own?!” “Well…” Pong said as he rubbed the back of his head. “Everyone from the temple we were raised in will be there, and I kinda wanted to impress the Grandmasters, so…” “Grandmasters?!” Ping said. “You know that's not true! You want to impress Sister Ranpu!”

 

“Ranpu?” Sasuke asked. “He wants to impress his sister?” “Not a `sister' sister.” Ping said. “You know, like, `in a temple' sister. Pong here's been in love with her for, like, ever.” “Have not!” Pong yelled. “Pong, we can read each other's mind!” Ping yelled. “I know what you think!” “Well I know you idolize Brother Delphiesp!” Pong said angrily. “He's the best student here at Nexus Academy and the temple!” Ping yelled. “Everyone does!”

 

“Uh… guys?” Sasuke asked. “I don't need your help to win this!” Ping yelled. “I can kick your ass, brother! See you!” He walked away angrily. “Uh… what did I just do?” Sasuke asked. “Thanks a lot, Sasuke!” Pong yelled. “I was gonna break it to him gently! That was… not gently!” He walked away angrily. “Okay, I'm confused.” Sasuke said.

 

 

 

“Oh, who am I kidding?” Pong said to himself in the music room. “I can't beat Ping. I might as well just drop out of this stupid Kareoke Contest.” Suddenly a nearby piano began playing itself. “What the hell?!” Pong said.

 

 

 

 

Mysterious Voice:

When life gives you lemons, dance

Dance like there's a muskrat in your pants

When you're caught in a downpour

With nothing to live for

Strike your most spirited stance

And dance,

Dance,

Dance

 

 

 

“Donny Osmond?” Pong asked in fear when the singing was done. “Sorta.” The voice said. “The name's VanHeilton John Osborn; I'ma the Spirit of Kareoke… yo.”

 

“Great!” Pong said. “I'm being tested on my singing?! I'm gonna fail this!” “Didn't you just hear my song, punk?!” The voice asked. An empty, white tuxedo with matching hat suddenly appeared. It looked as if an invisible person was inside it. “Maybe I should sing it again!” The piano began playing.

 

 

 

VanHeilton:

When life gives you lemons, dan—

 

 

 

“Yes, no need to repeat yourself.” Pong said. “But the point is, I can't sing!” “Oh, anyone can sing!” VanHeilton said. “Except for Kenshin, Sasuke, and Brittney Spears. I'ma teach you to sing, boy!”

 

“What?” Pong asked. “Now, anyone can play an instrument.” VanHeilton said. “Unless they can't. We just need to find your instrument, Mac, see?” “I know a kid named Mac.” Pong said. “He's got a square head.”

 

“Silence, dude!” VanHeilton yelled. “Or I'll rename myself Ruffin Tough Tuffin the Roughest Tough in the Rough, DAWG.” “Wow.” Pong said. “That had nothing to do with anything.” “You got that right, DAWG.” VanHeilton said.

 

“So how do we find my instrument?” Pong asked. “Like this!” VanHeilton said as all of the instruments began floating. “I'ma sing a song!” He yelled.

 

 

 

VanHeilton:

Well crocodile rocking is something shocking
When your feet just can't keep still
I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will

You better squeeze all the Charmin you can,
When Mr. Whipple's not around.
Stick your head in the microwave, and get yourself a tan.
Talk with your mouth full.
Bite the hand that feeds you.
Bite off more than you can chew.
What can you do?
Dare to be stupid.

BRAINS, BRAINS, I won't lie;
I'll eat their brains 'til they're zombified.
Sure they might think it's deranged
But they won't give it a thought
After I've eaten their brain.
BRAINS, BRAINS, its okay.
It's not a matter if it isn't gray,
And if at first they thinks it's strange,
They won't think twice
If they don't have a brain!

And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete

Have you ever watched this show?

Just this once, I didn't know

How you think this show will go?

Take a shot, my friend!

I can't see where I am goin'

Fighting this is my last name

Cartoon friends are just say noin'

My friends are back here all the same!

This is the story of a girl;
Her pretty face she hid from the world!
And while she looks so sad and lonely there,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles...

Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them? Yes, indeed!
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to me crying
"Will you help us, pretty please?"
And I help them! Yes I do!

Those poor, unfortunate souls

 

 

 

 

“Okay… what the hell was that?” Pong asked. “That was a song, hot-tub.” VanHeilton said. “Well, it sucks.” Pong said. “No it didn't!” VanHeilton said angrily. “It was just a bunch of songs strung together!” Pong yelled. “It may work for Weird Al and certain other singers, but not you!”

 

“Oh, yeah, chico?!” VanHeilton asked. “I'd like to see you do any better!” “Uh…” Pong sighed. “I… I can't.” “Get rid of that frown, clown!” VanHeilton yelled. “You can too! Now you go play an instrument, Clyde!”

 

Pong gulped nervously and sat down at the piano. “Uh… o-okay.” He said as he prepared to play the piano. “I… I'll try.” “That's right you will, laddie!” VanHeilton yelled.

 

 

 

Pong:

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on
Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oooh.. a holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
(yeah...)
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

 

 

 

“Wow.” VanHeilton said. “You play the piano something awful. Maybe you should just perform with me playing music, Dr. Burton. The girl's will all up ons!” “Okay…” Pong said. “So are we ready?” “We're ready.” VanHeilton said with an evil smile.

 

 

 

Next Time: Music and… Murder?