Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Denial ❯ One-Shot

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Only moments after his arrival back in Tokyo, Himura Kenshin receives a letter from a certain someone . . . expressing rather . . . strange things. Things that he'd never expect Shinomori Aoshi, of all people, to say. [Implied Aoshi/Kenshin]

Anime/Manga: Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Romance | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 08.28.2005 | Updated On: 08.29.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.4K | Visits: 792 | Status: Completed

*~ “Denial” ~*

By SnowyBlackOwl

“Battôsai,

Denial; what is it with that word that makes me crumple like a child, like a piece of paper ready to be thrown away? (A weird way to start a letter, isn't it, Battôsai?) I feared that romance would be the first thing to drag me down to my grave. I never did think that I would be wrong. Funnily, it was love that saved me from my grave. It was because you believed in me, believed in my health, and I figured that it would be so stupid to leave you alone like that. Now, I'm not really sure if I can rely on `love' to save me from this predicament. No, it's not that I'm in a state of illness or death, or anything like that---no, I haven't been pierced through the stomach, through the heart by a sword. It is merely the denial of your love that I can't get out of. You're leaving soon, aren't you? I can't really help that now, can I, since you do have her, right?

Denial; I still can't help but crumple whenever somebody mutters that word and you're around, because you usually send me these looks that seem as if you're seeing right through me. It's so very hard to overcome the sensation that drapes around me whenever you look at me like that, and yet it seems that I don't shiver. Well, not visibly, at least. It's with those eyes that you've got that you send chills down my spine. I might flinch, yes; I might shiver, yes, though I don't want to do it in front of everyone as to suddenly embarrass my name, as well as the title of “Okashira” of the Oniwabanshû. And so, to solve this, I might as well keep everything---the flinches, the shivers, the sensations that I longed to have whispered on my body, everything that I wish for with you---inside, right? I'm sure you don't want to hear any of it. Like I said; you have her already. And so, you don't need my interference.

I can't help myself. I find myself madly in love with you. There, are you happy? I said it. Well, I'm not really saying you're supposed to hear it, but I've just declared it for you. If you were ever to actually hear me say that, and not just read it in a letter as you're doing now or hear it from someone else, I would slay myself, no matter who stops me. Really, what would everyone else think if they'd hear me say that, eh? They'd probably think I'd go crazy; which, in truth, I never plan to be. I can almost see you chuckling at that---that really didn't make any sense, did it?

But no matter; would you be, by now, asking yourself what I am doing, writing on this simple piece of paper a letter to you of all people? I, quite frankly, just wanted to get that out of my head; or my mouth, whichever you prefer. (Again, I find myself hearing you chuckle at that.) I won't tell you where I'm going; I don't need you to look for me. I, however, do hope that this letter reaches you upon your return from Kyoto, there (supposedly) in Tokyo. Wait---that doesn't sound like me, does it? See what you've done to me? I feel like an idiot---and before you might come to look for me and begin the path of the `rurouni' once more (again, I tell you; do not come looking for me), I'll say a few more---shall we say---words before I end this with a closing.

I'm still in denial---and truthfully, you know what? I'm not denying that fact at all. Ah, and yes; I am still finding myself madly in love with you. Of all people, I chose you. And, well, I find nothing wrong with that, aside from the fact that I might as well dwell in denial; do you know, Battôsai, what I think of every time I see you with her? I don't think you would, but . . . I do try and forget. Forget what, you may ask? Forget my . . . desires; forget my lust if you will. I know you'd never turn my way, so why would I fall in love with you, why should I fall in love with you? I found myself, every night, with tears streaming down my face, asking myself that same question over and over and over again until I would suddenly fall asleep. And---no. I've said what I've had to say, I don't need anything else distracting you from my point; I won't continue with these petty details of my sleeping habits anymore.

Before I close this letter, if we ever do cross paths again with or without swords in our hand, know that I won't ever talk of this again. I've already embarrassed and exposed too much of myself in this letter---to you. I don't ever hope to be reminded of this again, Battôsai, Kenshin, Himura, whichever name you prefer; if you do, and we do happen to cross paths with swords in our hands, you'll find one of mine at your throat, waiting to slice that flesh.

Sincerely,

Shinomori Aoshi”

“Aoshi . . . .” came the soft whisper of purple eyes. The last question remained unspoken, and unanswered. Where are you?

And yet, the younger man's proclamation was indefinitely accepted. “Aoshi . . . . I find myself in love with you, too, that I do.”

And everything was nothing more than a slight whisper . . . . It would be a whisper of either love or denial; but neither of the two would ever know that. Even if they would cross paths, with swords, or without swords, the two simple feelings still reigned.

Love . . . and denial . . . .

*~ Author's Note ~*

I can't quite say that I planned the name to be `Shinomori Aoshi' at the end; I was thinking of it to be `Hajime Saitô,' perhaps, but definitely not `Shinomori Aoshi.' However, I can say that I'm pleased with this outcome---it gave me something to do while working on Deeds of Duration, for The Deck of Mraephaestus. Funnily, I never did plan to add the part with Kenshin and whatever else came after that, but I did anyway. Quite sadly, I don't have high hopes. As well, quite frankly, I'm a die-hard Aoshi/Kenshin or Kenshin/Aoshi fan, that I am!

---'Til next time,

Snowy---

*~ Acknowledgements ~*

I want to give a huge shout-out to my wonderful hubby, Philip, who was---quite funnily---the first one who suggested that I write (continue) this. I also want to give a shout-out to his beloved brother, Xander, who looked it over for me. Finally, I want to give huge thanks to all of my friends for their great encouragement on this one-shot's work. Funnily, I have to thank Philip again for writing Kenshin's part, and at least half of Aoshi's letter. ^^; That's just me and my friends, I guess. I take no credit for this writing; my friends and I worked hard for this to work, and so I spread any credit with them.

*~ Disclaimer ~*

I claim no property rights over the characters Himura Kenshin and Shinomori Aoshi, from the anime/manga Rurouni Kenshin, which was originally written by Nobuhiro Watsuki; I also wish to credit him and the producers of both anime and manga versions.

*~ A Final Note ~*

Oh-kay . . . I think I had to go over three published versions of this on the net, and then I finally took it down for this. I think it's finally safe to say that this is the final version of this, until any future readers/reviewers email/review me the mistakes they've noticed in this fic---of course, that does depend on my mood, meaning whether I want to or don't want to write and reedit and republish another version of this. Yeah . . . like I said, it had to go through over three revisions . . . and I'm still insecure and unsure of its outcome. For this hopefully final version, I give another huge shout-out of thanks to my friends who spent nearly over three hours debating on the course of this piece; and specifically to these following people:

Philip, for doing a great job on half of Aoshi's letter; and Kenshin's part (I never could write Kenshin like that; I always did like to write stuck-up seemingly-bad-but-really-good characters. ^^;)

Xander, Mishaela, Arianna, Brittney, Alex, and everyone else, for doing such a great job in supporting me . . . and somewhat prodding me along with Philip to continue this fic (funnily, I found it in one of my old folders; it was nearly three years old, and was never finished ^^;).

Yeah, it felt good to get that out. While there might be upcoming revisions, oh fine . . . I'll stop with the self-pitying. XD

So, until next revision/edition/whatever you want to call it,

T H E ~*~ E N D

“Final” Revision Date:

August 29, 2005

12:50 p.m., Pacific