Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ The Name Kenshin Forgot ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Rurouni Kenshin. I'm just an avid fan, nothing more. Rurouni Kenshin belongs to © Nobohiro Watsuki, Shuiesha, Shounen, Jump and Sony. This fanfic is merely for entertainment and not for profit.

 

 

The Name Kenshin Forgot

“How could I ever forget you?”

 

As Kenshin watched the first snowflakes of winter fall into the incipient grounds of the Kamiya dojo, he sighed and had his hands wrap around his taut, cold body. He shivered against the cold of the newly felt snow, wondering how a single snowball could instantly make a big impression on his emotions.

 

His mind drifted to a place where he had barely memories about. Snow and ice. His heart began to race as familiar sensations ran through his spine. He was about to open his mouth to utter the name that he didn't mention for some years now when Kaoru broke in and chopped his ponderings about.

 

“Kenshin, are you all right?” it was Kaoru's voice from behind.

 

“Hai” he weakly smiled, “Just a little cold”

 

“Are you sure?” she asked with anxiety, her eyes misting with worry. “You look sick” and her hands reached for his forehead. She let it stay there for a while, as if savoring every heat that was gradually building on his head. Her eyes roamed to the ground and found the laundry basket with clothes still unwashed. She took her hand away and stared intently at Kenshin's face.

 

He smiled again and took her hand in his, “I'll be fine” He gave her another reassuring smile and squeezed her hand tighter, “You worry too much” He picked the laundry basket up and was about to leave.

 

“That's the only thing I'm really good at now, is it?” she chuckled and huffed some air from her chest, “Worrying”

 

“Of course not” he protested, “Kaoru-dono, you have lots of beautiful qualities that others overlook.” His voice was full and his tone of dour guarantee. He looked so serious when he said that, too serious in fact that it almost sounded livid.

 

She chuckled and smiled for the first time, her eyes setting on a glisten of challenge. A swift cock of her eyebrow followed, “Oh? Can you name some?”

 

Kenshin paused, as if ransacking his brain of some possible answers that might not harm anyone or anything for the matter. But really, Kaoru did have assets that make her such a unique person. In fact, her qualities were so abstract that even she herself failed to see them.

 

“Can't think of anything, can you?” Kaoru asked in a most sad tone. She was about to walk away when Kenshin snatched her wrists. “Mmph?”

 

“Kaoru-dono…” he whispered, slipping his fingers through hers. “You have the biggest and the most beautiful heart in Japan. You are unselfish and you see people the way no one ever dared to. You took me in without hesitation…you made me the person I never thought I could be. Believe me, Kaoru-dono, there is no one in the whole wide world as special as you are”

 

Kaoru blushed, winked and smiled her thank you. It was the first time someone ever told her she was special since her father died. The townspeople of Tokyo never regarded her as a capable woman who could make it through life without the guidance of her father but a flimsy pathetic young girl inept of surviving the hazards of everyday. For years, she had been rumored as a tomboy because she never got married…or had suitors in the least. Well, she did but all of those pesky poor men got turned down, literally. She had beaten every swaggering bastard knocking on her doors and it even added to the pile of odious, abhorrent gossips about her sexuality and about her as a person.

 

And it didn't even help when she took Kenshin in, the infamous Hitokiri Battousai, the pickpocket and the also notorious gangster who was formerly known as Zanza. But she never cared about what the townspeople would say, or what the whole world would think. She only knew, deep in her heart, that what she welcomed inside her empty dojo was not a bunch of dangerous thugs but instead a big happy family she would always cherish for the rest of her life.

 

Kaoru smiled again and squeezed Kenshin's hand, glad that whole he existed, his existence was with her own. She gazed at his lavender eyes for a moment before finally speaking again.

 

“But I still think you need some rest,” she told him gently; snatching the basket of laundries he was about to do. “I'll do the laundry and I insist,” she said firmly, tightening her grip on the basket.

 

Kenshin stopped to think for a while. He was always like this when winter pushes itself out of the season shell. He would feel a familiar twitch in his heart and he'd smell fresh blood again coloring the pallid white snow in a sinister red. Who was it…who was it that he was holding in his arms while he cried…whose blood was it that his insatiable sword licked…

 

Who was it…

 

Who was it…

 

Who…

 

Why couldn't he say it…

 

Did he already forget?

 

Did he…

 

“I'm sorry, Kaoru-dono I'm really not feeling well”

 

She smiled back, “Sure” and she watched him walk towards his room. She could hear the shoji close. She shut her eyes, and felt her heart race for some reason she did not now. Obviously, Kenshin had some emotional trouble just then. Questions flooded her mind as she bore her eyes deeply into the snow-covered grounds.

 

Kenshin had always been a mystery she would never figure out and that was one thing that she loved about him. He had secrets he never told her and he had heartaches he never bothered to let out. But this…this was something different. From the look of Kenshin's ashen face, Kaoru could surmise that the snow had something to do about it. Yes, the secret was personal because hadn't it been just minute, he would have told her the moment she asked if he was all right.

 

“Jou-chan, I'm taking Yahiko to my place” the voice of Sanosuke ricocheted from behind like a lost rocket from the skies. His voice was not as husky as usual but was not as jovial either. It sounded more like a complaint than a request. “He said he wanted to talk to me about something”

 

Kaoru's eyebrows arched with incredulity, “Talk to you about what?”

 

“A guy thing…” Yahiko was the one who answered, popping out of the kitchen. “Well, is it okay?”

 

She bobbed her lips and thought for a while. Men. How could they be so secretive about themselves? Kaoru sighed and ruffed Yahiko's spiky hair, “Don't you think it's a bit too cold to go out?”

 

“Nah” Yahiko gestured, “I can handle that much cold. Well, now, could you please let me go?”

 

She gave him a titter before nodding her approval. She shot a look at Sanosuke and said, “Bring him home first thing tomorrow morning, huh, Sagara?”

 

Sano scoffed and raised a hand, “You worry too much” and disappeared from the door. Kaoru ducked her head. She worries too much? Was she really? Now, she would never know if worrying too much was a good thing or a bad thing. But either way, it was something she was really good at…

Kaoru sighed, hearing the gates close before Sano and Yahiko's arrival. She was anxious about Yahiko because it was beginning to get colder and darker. The winds are blowing stronger and she could see the snow getting heavier in its fall.

 

Why am I worrying? Sano is with him anyway…

 

Kaoru thought as she warmed herself through hand friction. But what could be the guy thing they were talking about? Hmm. Men are weird.

 

Sure. Men are weird. And secretive. They fake what they feel and show-off beautiful facades to cover up emotions that they could never really faux. Kaoru's legs begin to stiffen from the cold that she immediately closed down the shojis. Once inside, she proceeded to her room and prepared her futon, her mind full of questions. She combed her hair while she thought of the current circumstances.

 

She was alone in the house with Kenshin and she couldn't even talk to him. For years now, she had been living with him under the same roof but unfortunately, under different universes. Kaoru's eyes begin to sting while she looked at herself in the mirror. Slowly, little droplets of water began to fell.

 

She missed him. Missed him so dearly that if only she had the guts to, she would have hugged him and kissed him so many times that he would rather let her cook everyday meals. But no…he was too distant to reach and it hurts to think that you are just beside that one person you love and you can't even touch him. It hurts to be in front of that person and he doesn't even see you. And worst, it is so much painful to long for a space in that person's heart when it is fully occupied by someone else. Kaoru's sobbing went uncontrollably as the brush fell to the floor.

 

Kaoru dug her head in her arms and cried her heart out. Her hair was all over the place again, making her look more miserable than ever. Kaoru cried more and she cried again, hoping to feel better if she let all her suppressed emotions out. Kenshin never told her anything about himself. She didn't know anything about him… anything at all. She would only find out the day he leaves, the day he fights or the day he comes back. He was always late in telling her…always late…

 

She sobbed once more and faced herself in the mirror. Her eyes were all swollen with tears. She hiccupped a few more times before heading to the kitchen for water. She was feeling better and she decided to check up on Kenshin.

 

Darkness was thawing all the light there was in the dojo so Kaoru had to bring a little candle with her. She was a bit reluctant because she didn't want to disturb him. But she really had to see him or she'd be awake all night, hugging herself tight in the nooks of her room.

 

She breathed heavily as felt her heart race. Her hands reached for the shoji and carefully, quietly, slid it open but only enough as to give her a peek on Kenshin. Her eyes roamed inside, searching for him. He was not in his futon…where is he? He couldn't possibly leave. She opened the shoji wider and finally her eyes rested on a sleeping redhead, sitting near the window, head down and sword held close to his body. Kaoru sighed in relief. She nearly panicked for a while there as she thought he was leaving her again. She smiled and was about to leave when a gush of wind blew the light of the candle away.

 

Kaoru shivered. “Boy, it's so cold out here” And so came the thought of Kenshin being frozen to death. She grew pale and her heart pounded violently against her chest. Why was she afraid…?

 

She sighed and wholly slid the shoji open. She gasped, seeing the window so widely open! She ran inside and closed them. She sighed again and kneeled in front of sleeping Kenshin “Oh my God, Kenshin! Why are you sleeping near an open window?” she asked him, not expecting of a reply.

 

It was then when she heard him moan. Kaoru's brows tangled in question, “Are you all right?” She was worrying again but this time, her optimistic side took over. “I guess you're feeling cold, huh?”

 

Her eyes searched for a blanket and found one lying loosely beside the door. She quietly stood up and picked it up, nearing Kenshin as silently as possible. She carefully kneeled beside him and was about to cover him warm with the blanket when…

 

When suddenly…

 

Thunder!

 

Kaoru's breath became profuse, her chest banging wildly. Her eyes were kept shut as she swallowed hard, feeling the blade of the sword on her throat. “Ken…shin…what… are.. you doing?” she managed, her voice barely audible.

 

Kenshin was on his killing stance, his teeth gritted and his eyes flaming in amber. And in his hand, his reversed-edged sword turned the sharp way round touching Kaoru's throat. Kaoru gulped the second time, now eyeing Kenshin, not even knowing if it was still Kenshin she was looking at.

 

“P—please----” her voice was trembling in fear, “put…put…your sword down…”

 

Kenshin's eyes flickered as it pierced her sapphire ones. His sword was still on her throat and one inch further… Kaoru would be slashed to death. “I'm sorry” he said, his voice as cold as the vehement wind surrounding them. He stood up and placed the sword back to its sheath.

 

Kaoru was stunned and was down on the floor, touching her throat and not knowing what to do. Her tears were falling again and for the third time in her life, she felt so helpless…

 

“You shouldn't have frightened me like that”

Kaoru was slowly and slowly beginning to recover. She looked up at the man that was standing in front of her with his back on her face. “K-Kenshin…?”

 

“Look, Tomoe, I told you never to interfere with my life…what are you doing inside my room? I could have killed you!” he snapped, his voice sharp, cold and powerful. But it wasn't his voice that hurt Kaoru the most, nor was the attempt of slashing her to death but because of the name she never thought anyone would call her.

 

Tomoe…

 

He called her Tomoe…

 

“T-Tomoe? B-but Kenshin, I'm not…”

 

“I'm leaving”

 

“Wh---what?”

 

No reply came. Instead, footsteps and the closing of a door. Kaoru was left there dumfounded. Kenshin was still asleep…and he is in the middle of a dream…but there was only one question Kaoru really need an answer to..

 

Who is Tomoe?

 

But it wasn't the perfect time to ponder with herself right now. Kenshin said he was leaving! Not now…not that the pieces are beginning to appear. Kaoru quickly stood up on her feet and ran as fast as she could to catch him. But he was nowhere in the dojo and so Kaoru left the house only in her yukata…amidst the raging blizzard.

 

“Kenshin!!” she shouted as her feet sunk in the deep snow. She trembled, feeling herself freeze. “Kenshin!!!!!!” she shouted louder but no reply came.

 

And then…even with all the wind fogging her eyes, she managed to find him, slowly walking towards the bridge. “Kenshin!!!” Her strength had almost run out and she was continuously coughing. Her feet were incapable of moving one step further but her heart forced her to. It was the only thing that kept her alive…her feelings…her strong feelings…

 

The wind blew more sadistically, almost swallowing her up like the witches she used to dream when she was still young. But the colder it got, the more Kaoru's determination grew. She wouldn't let Kenshin leave…and she struggled to keep her pace until she was finally ready to give up.

 

Her knees gave in too and she fell helplessly on the snow, blood oozing from her throat making the snow red. So, he had after all hurt her. This time, literally. But it was all because he thought she was Tomoe.

 

Tomoe…

 

Tomoe…

 

The name echoed through Kaoru's brain too many times that it gave her strength to at least open her eyes. All she could see was snow. All she could feel was snow. All she could hear was snow. She winced in pain as she felt the wound on her throat open. She didn't want to cry but it was the only thing she could do right now…cry…and cry once more…

 

“Take my hand” it wasn't long after when Kaoru heard Kenshin's voice. Was it the real Kenshin or was it the lunatic who nearly cut off her head? The man had amber eyes….the same amber eyes that almost ripped hers off. Kenshin is still dreaming. She had to wake him up…she just had to…

 

“Take my hand, Tomoe,” he repeated, his hand closer to Kaoru's face. Kaoru blinked as she gathered strength to reach for his hand. His hands were rough…not soft…and for the second time…he called her Tomoe. Kaoru had succeeded in getting up and for all she knew, she was standing in front of a legend. The man who killed hundreds in one slash of his sword. She was staring at him, speechless and dazed. She was at staring at the most infamous manslayer in all history of Japan: Hitokiri Battousai.

 

“Go back, Tomoe” he said in a final tone while turning his back against her face.

 

It was the third time and this time Kaoru was enraged. “I am not Tomoe” she said firmly, her hand balled into a fist.

 

“Don't make me a fool, Tomoe” he said, his tone pissed.

 

“I said I'm not Tomoe!” Kaoru snapped as she pulled Battousai's back to her so that they were standing face to face. “Kenshin, wake up!”

 

Slap!

 

Still. Battousai was just still.

 

Slap!

 

And he caught her hand. “Dammit, woman! I don't know exactly what you are talking about…”

 

“Bring Kenshin back!” Kaoru demanded, clutching his gi. “Bring him back!” and she began slapping his chest, and she slapped it again, slapped it once more and still slapping it until she grew tired. Tired. So, she just cried. Cried…cried…in his chest…

 

“Tomoe…” she heard him whisper.

 

Kaoru raised her chin to look at him and saw that his amber eyes were beginning to get calm. “Go back to the inn, Tomoe…”

 

That was it. Kaoru sobbed as her tears still continued to fall. How will she wake Kenshin up? How will she make him stop calling her Tomoe? And who was Tomoe to begin with?

 

Kaoru's reverie was cut off when Battousai pulled her off his chest and started walking away again. This time, Kaoru really couldn't move. “K-Kenshin…” But he continued to walk away. “K-K-Kenshin…don't….don't…go…please” Still. He continued to walk. She summoned all her strength and shouted, “Kenshin, I love you!”

 

He stopped. Kaoru ducked her head down, “At least, you'll know that I love you when you leave…” she sobbed, her bangs covering her eyes. “I love you….I love you…”

 

It was all gone. Kenshin was never going to wake up from this nightmare. He was leaving her again and all she could do was stand in the middle of a blizzard, looking helplessly at the snow while the brutal wind continued licking her wholly. She was so cold but that didn't matter anymore…not that Kenshin will not be back again. Slowly and slowly, she began to feel weaker than ever and her knees were about to collapse. Her fingers are no longer responding to her will and are chilled, she couldn't move…couldn't breathe..

 

I'm dying…

 

Just as when Kaoru thought she was going to die in the middle of a snowstorm, a pair of strong hands pulled her towards a strong body. It was warm and she knew right then it was Kenshin's chest. “Tomoe…” He pulled her closer, his strong arms burying her head in his strong upper body.

 

“No” Kaoru muffled, shaking her head on his chest. “Don't you remember me…?”

 

“Of course, Tomoe…how could I ever forget you?”

 

Kaoru sobbed harder. No matter how much she tells her that she wasn't really Tomoe, he would persist that she really was. Now, this was the most hurtful thing after all: to know that the person you love looks through your eyes and sees somebody else. Kaoru tiptoed and reached for her ears. “I'm Kaoru…” she gracefully whispered. It was as if Battousai lost the will to move and just froze there. Kaoru's lips brush through his face and found his cold lips.

 

“I'm Kaoru” she repeated before kissing him completely, encircling her hands around his neck. Battousai gave in and kissed her back, his arms on her waists. It was just gentle. Just gentle enough to keep both of them alive from the far-off bitter cold. Kaoru broke off the kiss and waited for Battousai to open his eyes.

 

Hopefully…

 

They returned to being the serene lavender. Kaoru smiled and whispered, “I'm glad your back” and she fell hazily into Kenshin's arms.

 

His eyes widened and he began to fret, seeing blood oozing heavily from her throat. “Kaoru…” he whispered, caressing her face. “Did I do this to you? I am so sorry”

 

Kaoru's eyes fluttered open and she smiled, her hands reaching for Kenshin's face. Her enthusiastic but cold fingers traced the cross scar on his face and then to his eyes. They were beautiful and lavender. His lips were still wet. “Say that again, Kenshin…I love hearing you say it…”

 

“I'm so sorry, Kaoru” he cried, pulling her tighter. “I am so sorry”

 

“No” she whispered, “My name…say my name…”

 

“Kaoru…”

 

She smiled in content. “Never forget my name, Kenshin…promise me that”

 

He took her hand and kissed them, “Of course I won't, you'll always be Kaoru and please…hang in there…I don't want to loose you. I want you to promise me you'll hang on”

 

Kaoru smiled. His voice never sounded as worried as this. She slowly nodded, “Promise”

 

Kenshin carried Kaoru amongst the blizzard on his back, his eyes shut and his mind still on the dream he had. He didn't recall anything but he knew he would have to slash himself to death if Kaoru died at his hands. It would be the last thing he would do…hurt her…

 

But only if he knew that everyday he hurts her…

 

As he reached for the gate of the Kamiya dojo, he remembered the first day he carried Kaoru on his back. It was like this. She was strange then, accusing him of being Battousai. Funny how wrong…yet right she was.

 

Now, about that dream… Whose name did Kenshin really forget? There's only one answer. He would never know and we would never find out.