Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ When You Look Closer ❯ One-Shot

Well, here we are: the companion fic to I Would Court You With More Grace. Expect more angst and, uh... something else. *starts looking for a place to hide*

Disclaimer: The boys aren't mine. Not that I wouldn't love to tie Saito up and have my way with him while Sano watches, but unfortunately they belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro. Who, presumably, walks softly and carries a big lawyer.

Rating: PG-15 for language and sexual references.

Warning: I am not a nice romantic. Those hoping for sap would do well to turn away now.

Kenshin tells me you aren't coming back.

I believe him. Surprised, 'Jime? I know this time it's not just another stubborn rebel, or a wily smuggler. If you want to return, you'd be here by now.

C'mon, how could you not hear the blatant hints I let loose on your spies? Short of painting your name on my naked body and running down the streets of Tokyo, there's no way I can make it more obvious that I want to see you. Unless you're ignoring me. Unless, 'course, you really are not coming back.

Would it hurt you to leave a note? Y'know, something like: "Dear ahou, you've been a great lay. Here's some money. Thanks. Bye!" I'm not fragile, stupid cop. I can take it like a man. It's not like it's never happened before. People always leave me in the end... my parents, Souzou...

But I thought you were staying.

Maybe it was the way you watched me sometimes when you thought I wasn't looking, or the way you held me after we made lo-- had sex. I really did think you wanted more than my pretty ass. I was wrong, wasn't I?

I should've known better. You never let me into your life the way I let you into mine. I should've seen it in the way you put your hand over my eyes sometimes when you're deep inside me, as if you couldn't stand to have me see you.

Fuck you, Saitou Hajime. I may be not good enough for you, but at least I never tricked my lovers into believing that I cared. Love? Hah! Love's a word for the very young or very old. One's too naive to know better, and the other's too far gone to remember what it's really like.

When you live on the streets, you take whatever comfort you can get. Gangsters too sober to fall into oblivion, desperate whores in need for a few yen, the occasional rich boys looking for an exotic ride -- what's there is there, and nothing ever lasts.

I forgot that when I'm with you. Love. I said the word, didn't I? Moron. Imbecile. Should've known better. Should've ran like hell before you did. If I say I didn't mean it, would you come back? I was a good toy, wasn't I? Heard you scream a few times. I wish I could've seen it.

Why won't you stay?

I hurt, 'Jime. I'm cold. Where are you? I hope you're in someplace nice for the night, 'cause I sure could use some warmth sent along to me. I've gotten used to the heat of our bodies together, I guess. Just another thing I'll have to unlearn, now that you're not around anymore.

I pull another blanket on but I'm still shivering, and I don't know why.

Kenshin comes by to see me most days. I think he's hiding from Kaoru, but as long as he keeps bringing me food, I'm not complaining. Lately, though, he has a look in his eyes I've seen in yours. Flesh and blood fire, waiting for me to open my gates and let him in.

He placed a hand on my knee today. Again. And today, I didn't shake it off. Maybe tomorrow he'll kiss me.

If you're here, I wouldn't let him.

You aren't, though, are you?

Come back to me, Saitou. But don't take too long, because I can't promise I'll wait. I need Kenshin's fire, to banish the cold you left behind. I won't dishonour him and our friendship by leaving him for your sake, no matter how much I lo...

Just come back, okay?

Please?

-owari-

Note: The title comes from a song by The Corrs, "Closer" (from "Forgiven, Not Forgotten" -- their first and, IMO, best album). It's in the last chorus:

"There's more to me
Than what you see
When you look closer
Closer..."

In fact, the whole song is rather appropriate for Sano, talking to Saitou. ^_^