Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Soldier's Duty ❯ This is all YOUR fault. ( Chapter 6 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

A Soldier's Duty
Fourth Labor, Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: Some characters by Naoko Takeuchi. Some characters and situations by White Pheonix (no that is NOT a misspelling, its a name and the way HE spells it), and most of the rest by metroanime@mindspring.com

"This is all YOUR fault." - A.Tendo

-----------

Ami had been amused by the thought of a *boy* cooking. Particularly when neither herself nor her mother were particularly inclined in that arena. They both could cook the basics, but her mother was more inclined to fix rice and some premade topping, or soup. Sugar cookies being the big exception. Ami was more likely to subsist on sandwiches than anything elaborate. So neither she nor her mother thought of the kitchen as their "territory."

The amusement had begun fraying around the edges. Now Ami merely stared.

"-Uhm, they were having a sale... Is something wrong, Ami-chan?-"

"What are these?"

"-i don't know what they're called in Japanese, but it's just slices of carrot cake. i figured Usagi means 'Rabbit' so it's a good choice, yes?-"

"Actually Usagi hates carrots..."

Grey spent some time looking up the odd word, sighed, then put the cakes aside. "-Well, maybe Mamoru or one of your other friends.-"

"And this?"

"-Tuna casserole!-" Grey nodded, he knew that the Japanese liked fish. If it didn't have rice, it had fish, or it had both. Or at least it sure seemed like that. Then Ami's expression penetrated. Strike two?

Ami nodded. Everything looked fine, but each food prepared was something that she knew was avoided by at least one of her friends. Well, at least those stuffed potatos were okay, and they could trade off. "-Where did you get the ingredients?-"

"-i found a store which thought the idea of an American guy making dinner for his Japanese fiancee so amusing that i got a discount.-" Grey watched her expression again change. ~Oh boy. Strike three? What i do?~

The doorbell rang, providing an escape.

At least momentarily.

-------

Elsewhere

"Ah'm gunna..." wheeze! Edema panted after the young Pheonix Mage, panting and still trembling in every limb from her last encounter following him into the Womens' Heaven of Being Tickled.

The little child skipped along merrily chanting. "Not gunna get me! Not gunna get me!"

She threw a web spell at him and was disappointed at how effortlessly he shrugged through it to skip into another door. Groaning audibly at the halfling sized entrance, she bent nearly double and chased in after him, past the halfling at the door.

The halfling moved just in time to hear the startled shrieks of the drow turn to more gales of laughter, as he moved revealing the sign "Halfling Heaven of Tickling Big People Into Helpless Fits."

Jared knew what that shadow looming over him was, especially as it came two seconds before the laughter abruptly cut off. Edema had used a spell or device to create a temporary double.

"Impressive that you could do that while still recovering from being tickled to that extent."

There was a smile on the dark elf's face as she contemplated chibi-Jared. "Sugah, Ah've been stalked by crusading high elves that'd do near anythin' to remove a darkskinned cousin from the world. Ah can cast spells while ah've got giant leeches swarmin' over me. Not that ah want ta go through anythin' like *that* again. Now..."

Letting the projected image disappear just as the dark mage pounced, Jared reflected that the game was truly afoot now.

Edema merely sighed, dispelled her own conjured image, conjured some Excedrin Migraine and her sunglasses to her hand, then got back to the game at hand.


--------

Juuban:

"*You* cooked this, Shard-san?" Makoto stared at the spread of food across the table. She'd brought her own shopping bag full of comestibles, knowing full well that eating at Ami's usually involved sandwiches. "And what's *that*?!"

After waiting for the translation, Grey pointed to the sandwich on Ami's plate. "-That is what they call a 'Dagwood' sandwich back home. Figured that Ami-chan probably hadn't had one before.-"

Ami looked at the huge overstuffed sandwich and wondered how one would be able to eat it. Could her mouth stretch that far? She found herself wishing that her fiancee had just gone ahead and made something predictable like hamburgers.

"Ami's fiance knows how to cook?" Usagi smirked. This made matching up Grey-san with Minako or Rei even better a deal in her mind.

"That was Rei, she'll be late." Mamoru said as he hung up the phone.

Grey finished flipping through the dictionary. "-Ami-chan, i keep getting the impression you're not happy with being pressed into this arrangement. So i'll ask you straight out as best i can.-"

Ami looked distinctly uncomfortable. She had an allergic reaction to love letters. Now this boy was going to ask her the most important question of her life, in front of most of her friends! How could she say yes? How could she say no?

Taking a deep breath, aware that his fate in Japan lay in her answer, and that his dictionary had some water damage, but unaware that he had one word completely wrong, Grey tried to get his cards out on the table and get the uncertainty over with. "Ami Mizuno, will you be my kaishaku?"

He was trying for "iinazuke" or "koibito" - wanting to imply a relationship that was more informal than marriage but on the road to that destination.

There was dead silence from the assembled Senshi, Mamoru Chiba, and a pair of mooncats.

Grey looked up from his dictionary to meet a lot of stares.

"I had no idea that Americans took family honor *this* seriously," said an astounded Luna after a moment. ~You certainly wouldn't guess it from their movies.~

"...uhm, I think you had the wrong word there," said Mamoru in a quiet tone. Everyone, of course, ignored him as they were all beginning to come out of shock at the same time.

Ami stared. ~I mean that much to him?! This is going too fast! What about my GPA?! What about the High School Entry exams?! What about Ryo Urawa? (Though it *has* been quite some time...)~

Usagi sniffled before going into Flood O' Tears mode. "Waaah! My Silver Millenium Daddy is gonna commit seppuku because Ami's frigid!"

Ami, Minako, Mamoru, Makoto, and two mooncats staggered at that statement.

Grey merely looked through his dictionary, trying to figure out what 'fukanshou' meant.

"UsaGI," said Ami, sweatdropping considerably and sounding remarkably like Rei.

"Darn straight," Minako said, taking charge of the situation. "If Ami's dumped Shard-san, then this is where..."

"I have to take him," Makoto interrupted. "But he's so short and puny! He doesn't look at all like my sempai... uhm. He doesn't speak Japanese yet, does he?"

"'Fukanshou'" mumbled Grey, still thumbing through his Japanese-English dictionary.

Ami decided to see what this package was from her mother, that Grey-san had delivered. Wait till everyone was done reacting, then be the cool voice of reason. That was her plan. Brown wrapper. Note in her mother's handwriting on the outside: "Ami-chan, you'll know when to use this. I trust your judgement. -Mom."

Ami opened the package, lifted the box out. Then stared at the revealed package with her eyes making a squeegee noise as she blinked. The red tide of a blush appeared from her neck and swept up towards her forehead.

"-Ah, here we are, fu-ka-n-shou. 'Frigid, barren, cold, devoid of sexual interest.' Oh dear.-" Grey looked up, saw what Ami was staring at and couldn't help making a comment and leaping to a conclusion. "-Sorry, Ami, but i'm not sure we're ready for that. Particularly if you're just doing this for family honor.-"

Minako stared at the box too. "Ami-chan, you're ready for any eventuality, aren't you?"

Ami abruptly stuffed the 'family planning' kit into the bag again, and placed it in her purse. Then keeled over from the force of her blush.

-----

Elsewhere:

This time Edema was smart. Edema was controlled. After all, if she had been either less intelligent, or less controlled, she would have died alone and uncared for a long long time ago. This little exercise *was* reminding her that associating with humans and all sorts of "Good Guys" over the years had made her a bit softer than the scared, scarred, and lean drow she had been many years ago.

The drow had confirmed through Celeste that Lolth, Evil Spider Queen of the Drow *had* indeed perished at the Pheonix Mage's hands. But details of that Op had been classified more than a mere sorceress could ask to receive. And Toltiir had sat by with a HUGE grin promising wedgies if the goddess of J-pop had let any details slip.

It was one of those Quest things. The divinities were content to sit by and watch this mortal attempt to get her details from the source itself.

She could call in favors, but that was against the spirit of this thing. Toltiir had even threatened Thor with a wedgie (and more godlings than not were curious about the outcome if that should come to pass - Thor had a huge sweet tooth and stood by his lack of respect for any kind of threats, but so far he wasn't talking. Probably because the wedgie involved would climb up to right under his nose and Thunder Gods weren't at all into being embarrassed by anything that silly).

Of course, she *did* have divination spells - though her specialty was transformation instead of information. So far they'd all fizzled whenever they intersected the Mage's path. Which could have been something that frankly frightened Edema and was the primary reason for the ice cream parlor owner to be searching for the Mage as intently as she was.

In the pantheons Lolth was associated with and in the universe of the Abyss, killing a god often meant assumption of that god's portfolio. Assassination was the primary method of advancement within the ranks of the Abyss. Lolth was goddess of the drow. Evil drow, primarily, as The Moonlight Dancer was the goddess of good drow (and Edema's patron) but some would say of *all* drow. In her own world of origin, Lolth had been the Sunderer that had split the dark elves from the rest of them, but being drow nowadays was more a question of genetics than philosophy. To *her* original universe, at least, there were others.

So this *did* concern and worry and gnaw at the dark elven sorceress quite a bit. She saw several *major* disasters possible. The least of which was that, as Jared Saotome had once made a comment to Celeste about how much he loved killing drow, that genocide might be on the agenda.

Which was why the drow was flying cautiously along, warding spells up, detection spells searching, and with a faint line of faerie fire scrolling across her chest saying "Observer, Do Not Tickle." She'd count on her reputation and Contingency spells to deal with more personal threats. After all, Kitty Heaven was Mousey Hell, and there were some places where everyone would be startled to find that the dark elf they'd just ripped into bloody gobbets didn't immediately get up and critique their performance.

She didn't think, at this point, that the Mage would deliberately do this.
She told herself she was merely being cautious. Celeste would have pointed out that Edema was being paranoid.

Finding the faint trace of a teleport bearing the Pheonix Mage's magical signature, the drow smiled within herself and followed it, plunging through while radiating a circle of defensive wards and enchantments.

Right into the Heaven of Sneaking Up Behind And Tickling People Who Display Too Much Caution. Where they never even saw the words on her shirt (having snuck up behind her).

A brief scream, followed by giggling fits began almost at once.

---------

Juuban:

Grey was determined to be a good fiance until Ami straight out dumped him.

So Ami had been laid out on her bed, a cold compress covering her eyes and forehead, and her feet elevated, almost before Usagi had finished reacting to seeing Ami's faint.

The others had all taken their places nearby so they could continue to talk, though more hushed due to Ami's condition.

Grey stared at the girl's hand as he briefly had a go at trying to hold it.

"-Something wrong, Shard-san?-" Mamoru grew concerned for a moment.

"-Her skin, it's so soft and smooth. She's got such delicate hands, it feels like if i squeezed i could accidently break them.-" Grey carefully placed his fiancee's hand back at her side and puzzled.

Mamoru translated and was startled at the reaction. He could have sworn that the exposed portion of Ami's face blushed again.

"Oh ho..." said Usagi. ~Maybe when Ami dumps Otou-san, he'll need someone he won't think is as fragile. Rei is *definitely* a good choice. Nobody who has to deal with that tongue of hers will regard her as fragile! Or maybe Minako. She looks like she's about ready to faint to see if she can get the same treatment.~

Minako sighed romantically, picturing herself exchanged with Ami, the same tender gaze and concern Grey-chan was giving Ami bestowed upon herself. Then glared briefly at Makoto as they had sighed the same way at the same time and it was obvious that they were once again in competition.

Grey reached over, adjusted the compress, and wondered what else a good fiance should be doing. Particularly in *this* culture. Japan seemed to have all sorts of rituals, and for everything from entering the apartment to using the bathroom. (And he was *extremely* glad that the Mizunos had a Western style toilet, he had seen those pit-like things while wandering and was not looking forward to using them.) And why did those two girls sigh like that?

Mamoru grinned for no reason that Usagi or one of the others would have guessed. Most likely because there was a romantic tangle developing, and it was *not* centered on him. If he thought he'd be able to get away with it, he'd have brought out little "rising sun" fans and let out a cheer. Instead, he just settled for a brief grin and a mysterious smile.

Makoto pictured herself lying on the bed instead of Ami, her sempai (if she could only remember his name or face!) taking care of her. Then glared back at Minako for sighing at the exact same time.

Luna commented to Artemis that this tuna casserole was pretty good.

Artemis asked Luna if she remembered a girl who looked like Hotaru.

Hotaru looked at the girl lying in bed next to her sempai and was immediately jealous and confused. Family honor? She didn't like him? But she had THAT sort of thing she was carrying in her purse? What kind of tramp *was* this Ami Mizuno?

Grey looked up. "-There are others around. i don't know where.-"

"-Others?-" Mamoru asked.

Grey nodded. "-Other allies. i'm pretty sure Hotaru-chan is one. i saw Sailor Pluto today, whom i met when i was Nebula. i've not met any of the other Senshi, but in my previous life i remember running across a few Knights and allies.-"

When Mamoru translated, Makoto's enthusiasm went up. Maybe there would be a *tall* Knight!

"We've met Sailor Pluto. She was around in that Prince Demando thing." Usagi nodded. Pluto could be a good ally. Particularly if she showed up once in awhile.

Hotaru puzzled. She was an ally?

Grey considered briefly. "Usagi-musume, please to find Sailor Moon, bring back here."

Usagi was about to remind her father that she *was* Sailor Moon, then noticed the squeeze from Mamoru and that he was looking at Hotaru. "Oh, right. I think I know where she might be."

Hotaru was more puzzled, especially when her sempai motioned her to come closer.

"-Mamoru, could you remain? I need someone to translate.-"

Neither of the remaining girls took the hint.

Mamoru nodded as Grey directed Hotaru to sit in his chair as he got up and sat nearby on the bed.

"-Hotaru, what do you know about the Sailor Senshi?-"

Hotaru listened to the translation, then frowned at her sempai. "I know that if you're gonna fight youma you'd better take better care of yourself!"

"-Well, i guess my secret's blown,-" said Grey after the translation. "-All right, do you know about the Moon Kingdom?-"

Hotaru waited for Mamoru to finish translating, then indicated she knew nothing about it.

The others, with spotty memories if that, also listened closely, Minako taking over the translation at points for Mamoru.

"A little over 10,000 years ago, there was a great and shining kingdom known as the Moon Kingdom. Fragments of the tale of the Moon Kingdom have survived through the centuries, Atlantis and Great Floods, of crystalline crypts and ships that sailed the heavens themselves. It was real, and it was simply the best system that had been found, though not without its own problems. Most of the citizens were largely content, which pretty much defined its success.

"Without going into a lot of detail, it was a matriarchal monarchy. The Moon Queen held all real power. Most of the higher level positions and ranks were held by women. The exception was the Earth Kingdom, which was ruled by patriarchy. In the kingdoms of the sky, the women ruled with the men having little real input. In the kingdoms of the Earth, the men mainly ruled though high ranking women often had their own measure of power.

"The Prince of Earth and the Princess of the Moon fell in love and were engaged to be married. This was good for them, and would have united the two groups, except that not everyone was happy with the arrangement.

"Many men and women of Earth feared that by merging with the Moon Kingdom, they would become merely another vassal state of the Moon. They feared that their menfolk would be relegated to minor positions or worse. Those of the kingdoms of the sky feared that their menfolk would uprise, or that their women would be forced to be subservient to the males. It might have all smoothed over but there was one of the Earth Kingdom and one of the Moon Kingdom who were always there to throw fuel on the fires of hatred and disinformation and rumor where it would do the most harm."

"Queen Beryl," said Makoto. "Wait, there was one of these sky kingdoms?"

"There are always those who will seek to spread lies in order to increase their own standing, and it might not have come to war if both sides had not been arrogant or there had been only one instigator." Grey sighed and allowed himself to transform into Nebula. This would be better coming from his Knightly persona, and they wouldn't need to translate. "Most of the Knights wanted nothing to do with either side. We saw both groups in error. There was one Knight who *did* want battle, craved it. As did Sailors Uranus and Neptune from the sound of it, though they remained on their outposts. The one who craved the battle was Sehan. We did not want to believe it, but he was helping to organize the hatred against the Earth Kingdom. He was hunted down and slain by Obsidian after it became obvious. By then, of course, it was too late. He had been corrupted by Metal'la, Beryl's dark master and the Entity had already tainted the Moon Kingdom.

"The war broke out and after it had taken enough lives to spare the energy, Metal'la released power to Beryl's control. That was how we died in our Silver Millenium lifetime. Hotaru, I have reason to believe that you too were in that lifetime."

Hotaru blinked. "ME?!"

Nebula nodded. "I ask you to come sit next to me. If you were one of those corrupted by Beryl's taint, Sailor Moon can cleanse it." Feeling her tense, he pressed on. "I will be right here, and will undergo the same thing. It is healing energy, however, and cannot harm you."

Hotaru started to nod, then clutched herself. "It's another of my attacks. I... nO. yOU wILL nOT dO tHIS."

"MOON HEALING ESCALATION!" For once, Sailor Moon did not need a cue.

-------------

"Bwahahahahahahaha!!! Tee Hee!!" Squirm. Giggle. Squirm some more.

"SUBMIT!!!!" Edema wiggled her fingers in ways that ought to have earned her right to a belt in Martial Arts Tickling. As well it should, she'd been doing enough of the katas of late.

"Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!" The Pheonix Mage continued to squirm and wiggle about trying to escape in those helpless little ways that only serve as fuel to an enlightened tickle officer performing an arrest.

"SUBMIT!!" It occurred to a small corner of Edema's mind that she was having a great deal of fun here.

"Tee Hee." Snort. Cough. Gag with laughter.

"SUBMIT!!!" The fingers dove again and the little elf child practically gagged with the need for chortles and laughter to force their way out of his throat. She was wearing him down.

"SUBMIT!"

Plop.

They were surrounded by fluffy bunnies.

*Poof!*

The Pheonix Mage was gone.

It ocurred to Edema, a little too late, that with her foe squirming under her fingertips she had neglected just in the slightest to prepare for contingencies. And she REALLY ought to have noticed the Aura of Antimagic going up around her - though how the Pheonix Mage had escaped from within that was going to trouble her for some time.

How she had gotten in to the Bunny Heaven of Cuddling And Being Petted was going to trouble her more right now.

-----------------

Juuban:

Upon realizing that Hotaru had grown up slightly, was clinging to him, and that this situation probably didn't look as innocent as it was, Grey winced.

Last night, he had seen this "anime" kind of thing dealing with this guy who was sometimes a girl, who got into compromising situations, then this psychotic fiancee of his pulled out a mallet and began beating the living hell out of him.

He thought the title was "Futaba-kun Change" but he wasn't sure.

Glance to the side. Yup. Ami was staring at him.

"What the blazes was THAT?!" Luna was a little puff of black fur.

"A demon, i'm guessing," said Sailor Moon, posing. "Well, it's moondust now. Ahem.
Demons cannot be allowed to possess innocent schoolgirls,
or disrupt a gathering of friends!
For such crimes, you cannot be forgiven!
in the name of the Moon, you're dusted!"

Brief silence.

"It just doesn't feel the same giving the speech *after* the fight," complained Sailor Moon, dropping the pose.

"I'm back to normal!" Hotaru exclaimed, getting up. To Grey's relief.

"Uhm, you weren't before?" Minako asked.

"I'm actually fourteen, and I attended Mugen School. Some evil man who threatened my Father told me that he'd remove a year from me every time I made a noise. Then he..." Hotaru's voice trailed off. "...he did something to my Father. Then the house blew up."

"What did he do?" Minako glanced at the others, seeing the same thought. A clue to their enemy?

"I don't remember. It was all so fast. He pulled a demon out of my Poppa... then he made them both glow, then I ran. Then the house started blowing up. After that it's all jumbled."

"Do you remember who you were in the Silver Millenium?" Minako asked, wondering if this might be another cousin or something.

Hotaru shook her head. She couldn't remember. Could she?

Grey realized that when Sailor Moon had blasted him and Hotaru, he'd changed back from being Nebula. "-Uhm, Ami. Ah, there's really a good explanation for this.-"

Ami wondered why Grey-san acted like he was afraid she was going to hit him. Were American women that way? Did he expect her to act like that?

"Yeah, while you were out, Usagi toasted a demon!" Minako was quick to gush. "And none of us even got beaten on. No innocents threatened, no property damage, none of the usual stuff!"

"It *did* seem to run smoother than the way things go regularly," conceded Makoto.

Hotaru smiled. Now she was old enough.

"Uh oh," Grey got an odd expression on his face, shifted back to Nebula, then held the hand holding the Chain out.

"Uhm, what does it mean when the pointy thing rears up like that and goes pointing at one of the walls?" Sailor Moon was a little concerned by this.

She wasn't alone in that regard. Mamoru had a hand in a pocket, ready to pull out a rose and transform. "-What is it, Nebula-san?-"

"A Senshi in danger. She's..."

"REI-CHAN!" Sailor Moon squeaked as she realized there was only one Senshi not present.

"We've got to get to the shrine!" Minako declared.

"Endymion and I can go ahead of you, via the Knight Moves."

"Actually, I'll need to drive them, you go ahead," commanded Mamoru, showing that he was indeed a Prince by taking command quickly.

Once again the chain lengthened, swirled, and abruptly Nebula was gone.

Ami blinked. "But he's still injured from that fight today, which has aggravated the injuries that Makoto gave him!"

Makoto slumped and let out a deep breath. "I *do* wish people would stop reminding me of that."

Ami's mother was coming in as Sailor Moon, a slightly older Hotaru, Minako, Mamoru, and Ami were preparing to leave.

There were a few sweatdrops as the doctor merely raised an eyebrow at Sailor Moon's presence.

The others rushed out with mumbled apologies, leaving Ami to come up with some explanation.

Ami waved at her mother on her way out. "Bye Mom, I'm off to save the world!"

Kumori Mizuno nodded. "That's nice dear, try to get back before 10pm! It's a school night, after all. Oh, and can you pick up some milk on the way back?"

Ami paused to shake her head. This was beyond weird.

Handy, though.

---------

Edema looked right. Nothing. Edema looked left. Nothing. Down. No sign of the Chibi-Jared. No tickling hordes. Up? Nada, zen, zero.

She could admit she'd gotten soft since the days when she woke up in a swamp, peeled leeches and other critters off of her, then tried to hunt breakfast before breakfast hunted her. The carnivorous plants. The carnivorous animals. The carnivorous insects. The carnivorous blobs of protein that could only be held off by the sap of certain trees that were mainly indistinguishable from trees that would wrap branches around a victim until they were dead. Yes, she remembered those days well. One of the few places she'd been safe from the various elven groups that had wanted to make a snare drum from her freshly cured skin.

There were times she missed the Feverblight Swamp.

For all the tales told of how good the surface elves were, her only early experience at finding that true had been when as an exhausted and pitiful teenaged drow girl, weak from loss of blood and faint with hunger, she had finally been too tired to hide and was on the verge of having her innards sucked out of her by a stavanzer when a surface elf had ridden up on a stalking vroat and dispatched the problem with an idle wave and massive magic.

As far as little Edema had been concerned then she had traded one fate for an even worse one, but her savior had taken one look at her, set up camp, took her inside a tent and cleaned and dressed her wounds, removed her scars, cured her illness, gave her healing potions she sorely needed and behaved so kindly she still wasn't sure he wasn't a fever dream.

Her most pleasant and soothing dream during that time was simply the pleasant snap of defensive magics burning, blasting and shocking away hostile swamp life outside a silken tent.

Looking back on it he had been the difference between life and an early death for her. With magic of all kinds flowing from his fingertips he'd fed her - introduced her to chocolate even! Then left her with some enchanted insect balm, a bag full of magic treasures, a few kind words of advice, and an apology that she wouldn't be welcome where he was going.

She still had the genuine Elvan Cloak he had given to her - an article most elves fought tooth and nail to keep out of drow hands. Her own drow version had been hanging threads of useless tatters by then, and the cloak and boots had spelled escape from the swamp for her. Then the advice about a ship to a certain place where they'd never even heard of an elf, good or dark, a valley with a halfling shire and enough good cheer for a lifetime and a half.

And a kindness she'd never known from any elf save one.

He hadn't given her much, an Endless Pouch of Trail Mix, an old +2 dagger bent at the tip... practically garbage to her now as for strength of enchantments - which is no doubt how he had viewed them then. But they were still priceless treasures to her for the life saved and kindness meant.

No, actually, she didn't miss the Feverblight Swamp at all. She just hoped that someday she could run into that elf so that she could... smack him around for leaving her when she'd fallen head over heels in love with him or kiss him so hard she sucked his lungs inside out, she couldn't tell which.

But, having a moment of honesty, she realized through the centuries that had passed since then she wouldn't even recognize him now. She'd spent decades mastering magical arts such as he'd displayed, however, against just such a hope.

No sign of the child-sized Mage, still, her skills honed during that time in the Swamp gave her the feeling that this was a trap.

While Grey had been playing Ranma, she'd wanted to take Genma Saotome there and drop him off. The panda had no idea how close he'd gotten to a real training experience that would have topped the Catfist for sheer unpleasantness. Drinking rainwater out of leaves that were trying to cut your skin to drain your blood, seeing the creatures you'd been stalking turn out to be bigger and meaner than a frost giant with a hangover (that simply happened to have lots of tiny feet), all wonders from her past.

Edema stepped out into the dungeon setting, wondering *whose* Heaven this was. Stocks and pillories, padded manacles, and other implements she knew quite well.

Still no sign of the Mage. Had she read the trail wrong?

Taking a deep breath, Edema held out a hand and cast a Detect Invisible.

*SHWOOM!*

Coils of rope immediately appeared out of nowhere and wrapped around the dark elf, almost mummifying her. "Oh craffffffmmm!"

Jared stepped out of concealment dressed as Washu in Mad Scientist mode, having used his flexibility to fold up into a small space. He snapped on a small glove. "Tsk tsk. All right Edema. You've been a naughty girl. Using a Web spell like that on a crowded thoroughfare. Time for your punishment!" He cheered, grabbing a handful of feathers and a wild grin.

Edema squeaked inside her gag. Then realized it was one that she could speak in if she whispered. "No more tickling! Please, my ribs hurt."

"No?" Jared feigned emotional heartache, then openly considered. "What then?"

Two other chibi-Jareds then appeared and began jumping up and down excitedly. "A spanking! A spanking!" Edema didn't recognize the Monty Python quote, nor would she care. But seeing her eyes widen he resumed adult form so he could do it properly, then put the drow elf over his knee and spanked her lightly. "Well, this hurts you more than it does me, you know." He said, meaning it in all honesty. ~A couple light whaps and I can claim victory in this scenario then we can move on with more of the chasing, which is the fun part.~

Edema yelped in shock as the first slap struck, froze for an awfully long second, then began wiggling frantically on his knees as the sound of slapping continued briefly in the chamber.

Jared was puzzled. He wasn't hitting that hard, but he had expected Edema to switch back and start begging to be tickled instead. Then he sniffed and stopped.

"More... please..."

Jared's eyes widened considerably. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *Zip!* *Zoom!* *Zing!*

His trail out burned.

By the time Edema got free, there was only a faint trail of dust heading for the horizon to mark the passage of the Pheonix Mage. But she knew those hands. They had cradled a dying drow girl and restored hope of life to her centuries ago. She'd sooner forget what her own face looked like that forget the feel of those hands gently sponging, cleansing, nurturing and bringing life back ot her shattered form, defeating the clutching grasp of death.

THIS time the chase was on for real!!!!

And there was no way Edema would not get her man. It was still undecided whether she would slap him or kiss him, though.

Or both.

--------

Juuban:

Rei had tried resting, then one more attempt to scry the enemy with the sacred fire.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

Bad mistake. The enemy had been ready for her.

Her grandfather and Yuuichiro had entered, drawn by her scream.

They'd stared for a moment into the flame, then declared the need to go on a long training trip. And marched off without a glance towards her.

Rei watched as smoke began to pour out of the fire, pooling and forming a shape with glowing hungry eyes that seemed to ripple and shift before her paralyzed face.

~First that Mikuji, now this. Why couldn't I have a relaxing night without any of this... oooh. What pretty lights.~

-------

With exactly the sort of noise that rattling chains make, Nebula appeared outside the Hikawa Shrine. Then held back a moan, as his earlier wounds were rapidly reaching the point where he wouldn't even be able to move. The distinct feeling of muscles and tendons having reached the shutdown point was making itself known.

The problem with chi healing was that it wasn't magic, and it drew resources from the body. Eventually, that bill came due.

If Usagi had targetted him directly, and had *not* had to disperse a demon, she might have been able to heal him. Though again, there wasn't a free ride.

The spearhead pointed. Nebula followed the point then dismissed the Chain temporarily.

The Chain had a number of uses and really handy abilities. It was thick, it was stronger than steel, it would eventually regenerate if it were broken (at least he thought it would, the enchantments *were* pretty old at this point), and it amplified some of his esper abilities quite a bit. With it, he could block, entangle opponents, use it as a tentacle, cut or spear opponents, and form simple objects by lengthening the chain and making it move into a pattern.

It was also noisy. As the first priority was rescuing that shrine priestess, noisy was not an option.

The job, as he would explain to others, of Nebula was Guardian of the Nursery. For a brief time it had been as sweet as any Heaven. Both Nebula and Grey were "nurturers" by nature - protecting and watching over children, in Nebula's case this had included his own, had been one of those cases where one fit one's job completely. The jangle and jingle of the Chain had been largely lost to the bustle of the castle, and when children knew that it was the sound of protection - it became soothing.

He'd gotten a sword for times when silence was needed, unfortunately that sword had broken 10,000 years ago and he had not found a replacement. It had been a fairly powerful one, a gift the Queen had bestowed on him for when she sent him out on those little missions.

Without either the Sword or the Chain, he had to rely on Grey's very limited skills in HTH, augmented by the somewhat more in-depth knowledge that Nebula had received as a marine.

Still, it was quieter, and it didn't take long to summon the chain. With a minor effort, he switched from that damn Dress Uniform (he'd never cared for ruffles and lace, in either lifetime, at least if *he* was the one wearing them - Nebula remembered that one outfit of Puu-chan's), and into the military fatigue style. Easier to fight in, also it didn't rustle.

He crept as best as he could, despite the pain level - that was fairly easy to block at least temporarily. It was the ROM (Range Of Motion) decreasing in the joints that had taken a beating lately that was concerning. Slowed reflex time was something that led to fatalities.

One of the shrine's doors was open, the flickering light of a flame within. A girl whimpered.

Grey crept closer, keeping one hand out to summon the Chain when it became needed.

----------

"It's a good thing you drove the car instead of the motorcycle, Mamo-chan!" Usagi said, though if Mamoru had used the motorcycle she would have been snuggled up against him instead of in the backseat squeezed between Minako and Makoto.

"Oh dear, I hope Rei's all right." Ami began to fret, wondering if Shard-san would be able to help her. Not that she was really interested in a guy when exams were looming up and Rei was being attacked by a daimon. Or something. If she was, and Grey-chan. errr. Shard-san wasn't mistaken. For someone with clairvoyant abilities he seemed to be wrong frequently.

"Let's see. He's short. Not terribly muscular, whines a bit, doesn't speak the language well at all, and is *not* a handsome prince." Minako said to apparently no one.

"Usagi, move your foot," whined Luna from where she was getting trampled.

"Unnnn," agreed Makoto though she wasn't paying any attention. ~Damn. I'd kill for a smoke at this point. I always got the 'bad girl rep' and now... How do I make it up to this guy? Or explain that my grandfather's life was saved by this fellow's grandfather and that *I* have to marry him! Except is he going to want anything to do with someone taller than he is? Who put him in the hospital? I wonder if I can get a quick smoke at the temple...~

"On the other hand, he's kind and gentle, not unintelligent, a pretty good cook from what I saw, and he's certainly trying to be a good fiance." Minako took a deep breath, ready to explain to them all how HER family had a link similar to Ami's. And that she could take him, because cute was ideal, but attentive and kind sort of made up for it. Heck, after being dumped in England, then all the boychasing that had gone sour of late. If a kind boy had gone through a tender scene with HER that Grey had just done with Ami, they'd have to pry her off of him physically!

Hotaru, sitting in Ami's lap in the front, nodded. She knew her sempai was worth keeping.

"Hey, Ami-chan, what did you tell your mother about me?" Usagi questioned.

"Oh that I was off to save the world. She told me to be back by 10. And can we stop to pick milk up on the way back?"

Brief pause as that penetrated. "NANI?!"

----------

Asgard/Gladsheim border:

"Ah'll get you for that!" Edema came up at high speeds, flying in a white leather outfit that was almost not there.

"Nyahahahaha! You'll never catch me," Chibi Jared exclaimed, leaving a little track of dust as he ran at Ludicrous speeds.

"...30 on Edema!"

It shouldn't be possible for someone flying to come to a screeching halt. Edema managed it. "Excuse me?"

Chibi-Jared came jogging back. "Fleece is still taking bets on who Grey will end up with? Dang, talk about your running joke!"

"Ah thought that was what we was doing, Sugah?" Edema said, scratching her head. Didn't these people know that she just wasn't compatible with the fellow? In their case, he had turned out to be "sugar and spice" and she had been... well. To quote Mae West, she was a bad girl.

A fellow in green stripes flagged Fleece. "I bet 95 that Grey ends up with that Pheonix Mage!"

Edema sweatdropped. Jared sweatdropped. They turned to look at each other. Edema cleared her throat. "Sugah, do y'all mind?"

Jared walked up to the fellow, still in Chibi mode, conjured a large mallet out of nowhere, and brought it down on the man in the stripes.

Jared shrugged as he walked out of the crowd. "He was being a pervert. Uhm. Now where were we?"

Edema pointed. "Y'all were heading thataway. After you."

"Oh yes, thank you."

"Don't mention it."

*ZIP! ZOOM!* "Nahahahaha! You'll never catch me!"

*ZOOM!* "Y'all come back heah!"

------------

NOTES:

Makoto's smoking comes from Naoko Takeuchi herself. She backed away from the original concept, though it's hinted at in part of the manga. Originally, Makoto was to be a chain smoking "bad girl" similar to Madoka Ayukawa from "Orange Road." She'll quit, but i've never heard anyone say it was easy.

NEXT EPISODE: The Wizard's identity revealed. (Actually, i was unsure of whether to go with the original concept here or use Sephiroth. It looks like the original concept will work here, though it might make it a little ecchi.)


For those who are curious:

Edema, drow elf sorceress (T14/W22, NG)

LOOKS: dark brown skin, soft white hair nearly reaching her knees, gold eyes that can go from mischievious to threatening in a heartbeat. Likes to wear gowns that would fit a Southern Belle quite well, as some of her happiest memories come from mingling with a human society roughly analagous to a Dixie where slavery had never been established and magic was wielded. (Yes, this was a time travel thing, and she actually ended up in the Third Labor timeline though she only realized this after Grey had finished.) She wears more practical clothing on a daily basis, usually wearing light or cream colors to contrast with her skin, or gold to match her eyes. She was once lean and scarred, but has since filled out somewhat in the right areas and uses a cream to cover the marks of torture received from elves of both light and dark skin. Her form of spellcasting burns calories, so her intake of various high sugar products hasn't caused too much swelling. Tall, just over 6' in height.

SMARTS: she's a high level mage. In addition she survived on a world where her kind was hated until she found a means of escape. Has a knack for figures and has turned her great love (chocolate) into a thriving business in Asgard. She is not the sort to bludgeon you with her brilliance, but she can hold her own with most opponents.

PERSONALITY: Open a dictionary, look up chocoholic, and there is Edema. It is her mania and passion beyond few other things, save her loyalty to her friends. There are few she trusts and likes, and she'll literally move mountains to help them. If one can get through the initial levels of distrust bordering on outright paranoia, (particularly towards other elves, less so towards humans) she's a steadfast friend. She enjoys her creature comforts, considers her hands to be her most attractive feature (though others might argue), and enjoys maintaining the "old fashioned Southern Belle" image whenever possible. She isn't angry that often, but *does* have a heaping of pride worthy of a Ranmaverse character. If she opens up to anyone, prepare also to deal with all sorts of old fears and mental scars before she can cope, one of which is that she has trouble just being touched without flinching.

COOKING: A master at various confections involving chocolate, ice cream, cakes, or a combination of all three. She dislikes spicy food, but has been known to make "Southern" style dishes like fried chicken or chitlins.

FIGHTING SKILLS: Not her forte. She's okay with a dagger or shortsword or whip (traditional weapon for drow women), but if she's going to fight prefers magic. As far as HTH goes, she quite frankly reeks. She's gotten soft since her days when she was considered an animal to be hunted down, killed, and the carcass displayed before given to the dogs. It's possible that if sufficiently motivated, she could regain the edge, but she isn't exactly anxious to return to that state.

SPECIAL ABILITIES: In terms of AD&D, she's a high level dual classed Thief/Sorceress. In RIFTS terms she'd be a Ley Line Walker with a few thiefly skills and a really good Prowl roll. Capable of casting high level magic spells, sneaking about, and has a few decent magical weapons and trinkets she can lay her hands on at need.

COMPETITION: Currently none. Her upbringing in drow society makes it difficult to express affection without pain, cuddling is something that doesn't quite click for her (see Personality above), and the one guy she's actually tried to be affectionate with in the past few decades is someone she won't pursue due to what she considers a basic incompatibility of personalities - particularly as regarding loveplay. The closest thing one could find to competition now is that very same individual, the Penitent Wanderer known as Grey. If you're good to/for her, you've got his support.

IN LAWS: none living. She has a number of cloned daughters following events in the Third Labor on the Sabre Marionette J world, but feels as uncomfortable around them as she does any elf. (Which is why they're there, and she's not.)

ECONOMICS: Mainly tied up in her shop, "The Heart Of Darkest Chocolate" in Asgard. If nothing else, she has a fair amount of gold and magical items from her previous days of adventuring.

SEX: If one can get through the scars, find and return a measure of trust, kinky. Edema *is* into whips and chains and all sorts of other things. It's possible that one can get her to relax into a more gentle relationship, but it would take time.

OVERALL: If one can deal with a dusky chocoholic Southern Belle who turns into a drow dominatrix in the bedroom, not bad. If not, a better friend than a lover.
This is intended as the last showing of Edema in my stories, consider her retired to run her business and snack on bits of rich chocolate. She doesn't mesh too well with some of the other story ideas or characters, but has been too intriguing not to use for walk-ons. Anyone wanting to use her in a story, remember, she's a Lady- be gentle.

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