Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ ABSENCE: May the Farce be with you! ❯ The Evil Gathering ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter Six: The Evil Gathering

Somewhere deep in the darkest hole of the darkest street of the darkest city during the darkest night of the darkest month in the darkest year of mankind's existence on Earth, there was a sinister hovel of evil where countless wicked fiends gathered to plot the doom of the human race and the campaign to conquer the universe. Among all these dark, twisted monsters was the blackest and most wicked specter of them all, the Grand Leader of the evil forces, the dreaded Makareus.

"All hail Makareus, Grand Leader of the evil forces!" As the announcement caused hordes of demons to tremble, a gong was sounded and a dark light, thick and gruesome, fell upon the room. From out of the murky shadows stepped the horrible creature known as Makareus, and at the mere sight of him, every creature in the room shivered with fear.

"Makareus!" called out a demon. "Do not ask him to carry forgiveness! Makareus! Do not beg him to carry mercy! Makareus! Do not come to him to carry pity! Let's face it: he won't ma' carry-us anything!" A dark, shadowy light fell upon the wicked man, and as he glowered before his underlings, a smile of cruelty became painted on his lips.

"My fellow spawns of Hell…" he growled, "let it be known that my younger brother, Khairephon, also known as Bob, has been chopped up into little teeny-tiny bits by a certain unknown warrior who manipulates the flames! I have called you here, my dark legion of death, to exact vengeance against this depraved, sick, twisted soul that dares to challenge us! Come, my warriors of the nether-regions! Come, and gather together for the hour of darkness!!" Makareus suddenly slipped down a long slide, twirling and spinning until he landed on the level that his cronies were on.

"MUSICAL NUMBER!!!!!!!" And the music cued up!!

The evil bad guys (what a sin!)

The evil bad guys (to fit in!)

The evil bad guys, gonna take over Eaaaarrrrth!

We're nice and nasty (mean and cruel)

We'll kill ya fast-y (the world to rule!)

We're also sassy, and we're all pro-biiiiirrrrth!

We're evil bad guys, here to say,

We're gonna rule both night and day,

And if you don't like it, hey-hey-hey,

Then we'll see that you… will… paaaaaaaaaaay!!

*Makareus and his cronies start tap-dancing to the tune*

Makareus: Hey, look! It's Ray Charles, and he's playing a song on Iason's fingers!

Iason: MY NAME IS IASON!

Ray Charles: You know it's all good! *brief jazz piano riff, then dance continues*

*After the long dance, Makareus slides over to several trusted advisors*

Advisors: Hey, Makareus, whaddya say?

Makareus: I summoned up a portal to draw evil from my home, it's working very quickly, now we won't be left alone--now I know this sounds all hasty and you're working very hard, but let's not get too racy; here, have a birthday card! I'm mean and evil, nasty, cruel, and very disagreeable; but if you took the time to see I'm really quite unbeatable! I go down to the streets in search of bodies to possess… and if I do not get my way then Earth will be a mess!!

The evil bad guys (what a sin!)

The evil bad guys (to fit in!)

The evil bad guys, gonna take over Eaaaaaaarrrrth!

The evil bad guys (love to dance)

The evil bad guys (and romance)

The evil bad guys, ev-ry-sin-gle thiiiiiing!

Now listen you people we're about to siiiiiiiing!

*Several captured humans lament their imprisoned situation*

Human #1: I was in my home just yesterday feeding my little cat--when these evil guys came through the door and beat me with a bat! They dragged me to their lair and tortured me night and day, and said "If you don't obey us son you certainly will pay!" And then they threw me in a pit with lots of hungry dogs--it was terrible, I'm telling you, they bit off all my shloggs!

Human #2: My situation's diff'rent now, and this is how it went: I was minding my own business in my luxurious pent! I had no worries, had no cares, I did not even frown, but when these guys came through the door, my optimism drowned! I was beaten with an ugly stick and burned up like a light! And not a tube of Preparation H was in sight!

*Makareus and company have a few laughs torturing the humans they caught as the music plays on, especially a few who are in stocks and chains*

Makareus: Will you confess?

Humans: No-no, no-no!

Makareus: Will you convert?

Humans: No-no, no-no!

Makareus: Will you redress?

Humans: No-no, no-no!

Makareus: Will you revert?

Humans: No-no, no-no!

*Makareus and his men shrug and smile out giddily as they torture more*

*Afterwards, Makareus waltzes over to his advisors again*

Makareus: Hello, boys, did you kill anyone today?

Advisors: Not a one! Nay-nay-nay!

Makareus: We've been sending in demons and puttin' them in trances! What else can we do? Ah! CAN-CAN dances!!

*Makareus and his advisors suddenly burst out in a big can-can line*

Come down, join us! (We're all evil girls and boys!)

You'll belong to us! (It's not like you have a choice!)

It's real nice here! (We're anarchists and power-mad!)

It's the "in" thing! (To be really really bad!)

It's the greatest thing you see, to be evil is to be free, it's liberating don't you see, you don't even have to pay a fee! Criminals and demons are, the greatest allies by and far, it's wonderful just like a bar, where ev'ryone knows your name!

Come down, join us! (We're all evil girls and boys!)

You'll belong to us! (It's not like you have a choice!)

It's real nice here! (We're anarchists and power-mad!)

It's the "in" thing! (To be really really bad!)

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH…

We're--really evil bad guys--and we want to tell you--that the Earth will blow up into really little--pieces--and, there'll be nothing left--unless you join us--come on it isn't really bad!

*the can-can line continues for awhile and breaks and the "normal" song tune returns*

Whoa, the evil bad guys (oh what fun!)

The evil bad guys (to just run!)

The evil bad guys (the entire wooooooorrrrrld!!)

The evil bad guys (take it all!)

The evil bad guys (make it fall)

The evil bad guys (go ahead and huuuurrrrl!)

We're gonna conquer everything!

So open your mouth and start to sing!

You'll want us to leave but we'll just say… that

The evil bad guys are here, and they're here… to… staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!

*The villains all display one final grand pose, and the song ends*

Silence.

"Well, I'll say one thing about it," sighed Laodameia. "It sure ain't Broadway!"