Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Unmei no Hoshi ❯ Episode 5: Otoko to otoko no shoubu! Arashi no pinch ( Chapter 5 )

Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon: Unmei no Hoshi

Destiny of Stars

by P.H. Wise

key:

< > indicates Japanese speech

" " indicates English speech

' ' indicates thought (when not used inside of " ")

Episode 5: Otoko to otoko no shoubu! Arashi no pinch

(The man to man challenge! Arashi in a pinch)

It's the day of the 'man to man' fight between Tetsuro and Arashi for the hand of the lovely Alice Grant! But wait, Arashi isn't a man, and doesn't want Alice? Meanwhile, a dark power has begun corrupting the seashore, and monster sightings are growing more and more common...

Key: Speech surrounded by < > is intended to represent Japanese.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a cold, cloudy night, and the sea shore lay desolate. The corpses of countless dozens of birds littered the beach. Several seals lay dead in the surf. The moon was gone, hidden by the clouds, and through gaps in those same clouds, cold, uncaring stars shone their pitiless light down onto the beach. The waters were dark and cold, seeming almost black in the starlight. The sound of the ocean, usually a peaceful murmur, seemed more like an angry hiss. Onto this beach, a pair of lovers came walking.

They were fairly attractive; the male handsome and the female very lovely. They both wore rather formal clothing - he a nice suit, and she a very nice dress. They were also young - high school age, maybe. As they stepped out onto the beach, their starlit walk was interrupted by the sight before them. They stared in shock at the defiled beach. "I don't like it here, Sam!"

Sam shuddered, "I don't like it here either. Maybe it'd be better to go somewhere else." They headed back the way they came, but didn't get very far.

From the shadows, a monstrous Thing lunged at them. It was neither human, nor fish, nor frog, nor eel, nor shark, but a hideous gestalt entity; a slimy humanoid fish-frog thing.

Despite the fear that suffused his being, Sam's first thought was to get his girlfriend, Sara, to safety. "RUN!" he cried as he scooped up a piece of drift-wood and flung it at the thing. It turned towards him, its fish-like eyes narrowing dangerously.

Sara ran. Sam's screams began a moment later.

As she ran, Sara suddenly noticed two flashes of white moving past her out of the corner of her eye. A few seconds later, twin battle cries echoed through the night, accompanied by their respective flares of magic.

"WORLD SHAKING!"
"DEEP SUBMERGE!"

Sara didn't look back.

******

Uranus glanced at the remains of the monster, a look of disgust on her face. "<These attacks are getting more and more frequent,>" she said, her tone more annoyed than worried.

Neptune produced her talisman as the two departed from the dead beach. A few images flickered across its surface - a monster similar to the one that they had just destroyed, and a low, half-submerged black reef. In the dark, cloudy waters beneath the reef, there was.. a sense of darkness. A lurking presence.

Neptune frowned slightly.

Uranus directed a concerned glance at Neptune. "<What is it?>"

Neptune glanced to Uranus, then back to the mirror. "<Another monster and a black reef.>" She paused, considering their options. After a moment, Neptune spoke. "<I've heard references to a black reef recently... Haruka..>"

Uranus nodded. "<Good luck, Michiru.>"

Neptune half-smiled. "<Ara, and what will you do in the meantime?>"

Uranus grinned, "<I'm sure I'll think of something.>"

"<Don't do anything reckless.>"

Uranus' grin widened ever so slightly. "<Oh, of course not,>" she said, crossing her fingers behind her back.

Neptune shook her head, that half-smile still present on her face as she departed.

******

The crumbling, decrepit old chapel was filled with a blue light, and the shadows of the room flowed along the walls, as if its interior were underwater. Amidst this watery light, gathered around two shadowed figures, the forces of darkness held council.

A cold, croaking voice was concluding its report. It told of the battle that had taken place the previous day, and of the monster that had attacked Sailor Terra and the 'daughter of the sea and of heaven', which had ended in the hospitalization of Terra. As the report ended, several angry and quite inhuman voices began to speak at once, filling the chapel with a cacophony of horrible croaking.

All noise ceased as a new voice began to speak. "Who ordered the attack?" it asked. Its words carried a very different timbre than the first; a watery sort of gurgle-warbling, as opposed to the harsh croaking of the first. It was the voice of the first shadowed figure. When no one answered, it took on an annoyed tone. "Terra is of no use to us dead, and we cannot use Uranus or Neptune - they are far too dangerous. Capturing them would be no easy task, and even if we were to succeed, Serenity would be certain to intervene before we were equipped to deal with her. "

There was a brief silence in the chamber as the others considered this information. Finally, a soft voice spoke. "We will make no further attempts on Terra's life, my lord."

After a time, a new voice spoke. The voice of the one called Hyali. "How can we prevent Uranus and Neptune from discovering our plan? They are dangerously close to finding us as it is, thanks to those overly eager fools who were unwilling to wait for the day of the return." He directed an annoyed glare at the one who had just spoken. "And to that other fool who..." Hyali paused for a moment, his tone becoming more than a little bit incredulous as he continued, "invited.. them.. over.. for.. dinner..." He shook his head in disbelief before going on. "And they have already killed several of our scouts."

The second of the two shadowed figures shook something that resembled a human head only vaguely. "They will be dealt with. You are to focus on Sailor Terra. Leave Neptune, Uranus, and those 'fools' to me, Hyali." Its voice was different from that of the other two. More human-like, and yet with intensely disturbing overtones.

Au'ru-mt'hyali stepped into the light and bowed low. He was a darkly clad man with a flat nose, a queer narrow face, prodigious bulging eyes that rarely blinked, and skin that held an unhealthy yellowish hue. He smiled, but there was no warmth in it. "As you command, my lord. I will see to her capture." With that said, he turned and vanished.

Both shadowed figures looked towards the one who had been called Fool. "You have one more chance, lost one," the second of them said.

"As for the rest of you, we must ensure that everything is ready for the day of the return."

In that moment, an all-too-human expression crossed what passed for the creature's face: it smiled. "My children," it said, "the stars are right."

*** Later and Elsewhere ***

Kazuko lay on the hospital bed, sleeping soundly. Her left arm and left leg were in casts and she was covered in bandages. The only noises in the room were the sound of Kazuko's breathing and the steady beeping of the heartbeat monitor. The room was white and sterile, and hers was the only bed present. To the left of the bed was the various monitors, and to the right, an IV drip. On the far wall there sat a television, which was showing reruns of the first season of 'Sailor V'. The room was dark, save for the light of the television screen. The T.V. was muted; the only sound in the room came from the machine that monitored Kazuko's heart rate. Outside, the crescent moon shone through a hole in the clouds, filling the room with its soft, silvery light.

*beep*

*beep*

The moon passed behind the clouds once again, darkening the room. The temperature of the hospital room began to drop. Soon, Kazuko's breath left a cold mist in the air. The curtains stirred faintly, as if shifted by a breeze, and outside the window, two points of light appeared, very like a pair of overly large eyes.

*beep*

*beep*

Slowly, the window slid open. Kazuko shivered in her sleep and sank deeper into her blankets.

*beep*

*beep*

Abruptly, the door to the room swung open, and the nurse walked in. The points of light winked out. The nurse went to replace the bag connected to the IV drip. Halfway there, she shivered, and then noticed the open window. 'How strange,' she thought as she replaced the bag. She closed the window before she left the room. So it was that she was not there to see the flash of golden light that came from outside the window, nor the silhouette of a strange humanoid fish-frog thing as it fell past the window towards the street below, disintegrating before it actually hit the ground.

******

As Uranus vented her anger on those few monsters unfortunate enough to run into her (such as the one that she had tracked from the seashore to the hospital in town), Michiru was trying to find a common link between the various monster sightings.

Michiru sat at a computer terminal in Boston's public library, her face shadowed in strange ways by the glow of the monitor. She was searching through the online newspaper archives, and wasn't having much luck just yet. Her hands flew across the keyboard, bringing up yet another article. As she read through it, she wrote down notes on the attack it described on a small notepad that she kept next to the mouse.

It took about twenty minutes to search through all of the recent attacks, and when she had finished, she looked through the notes she had taken. Most of the attacks had taken place near the sea shore, and on the northern side of Boston. Unlike the previous enemies, these monsters were nearly identical - every one of them so far had been one of these bizarre humanoid fish-frog creatures. In the case of the attacks, the monsters didn't seem to have any specific goals beyond causing panic and destroying everything in sight. Very strange. She glanced at the clock. 8:00 PM... that meant it was, what, 10:00 AM in Japan? Hopefully, she should be awake.

Michiru retrieved her cell phone, dialed a number, and hit send.

*ring*

*ring*

A fairly young sounding female voice came through the speaker.

#<Moshi Moshi. Tomoe residence.>#

"<Ara, Mirai-san, is that you?>"

#<Hai. It's good to hear from you, Michiru-Obasan.*>"

*translation: Michiru-Obasan - Auntie Michiru

Michiru smiled. "<O genki desu ka?*>" she asked.

*O genki desu ka - How are you/Are you well?

#<Hai, okagesama desu,*# said Mirai from the other end of the line.

*Hai, okagesama desu - Yes, (thanks to you)

"<Is school going well?>"

#<Hai. I'm doing fine at school, but there are so few interesting people. Just a lot of fake Senshi.># For someone whose supernatural talents consisted mainly of parlor tricks, her tone was quite dismissive of such 'fakes'.

"<Ara, I'm glad to hear that you're doing well, Mirai-san. I wish I were calling under more pleasant circumstances... is Hotaru-chan there?>"

#<Hai. Do you want to talk to her?>#

"<Please.>"

#<Hai, please wait one moment.>#

"<Arigatou, Mirai-san.>"

There was a short silence before Mirai returned to the phone.

#<It was nice to hear from you again, Michiru-obasan. Here she is!>#

There was another brief silence, and then Hotaru spoke into the phone. #<Michiru!># she said excitedly, #<Ohayo gozaimasu!#>

"<Hello, Hotaru-chan. It's good to hear your voice.>"

#<How is everyone? Is America nice?>#

"<We're all doing well. Unfortunately, America is not as nice as we were hoping,>" said Michiru. She proceeded to fill Hotaru in on everything that had been happening lately; the difficulties in the negotiations, and the monster attacks,

#<Monster attacks? That's terrible!>#

and even the reason for the call - "Hotaru-chan, I need you to look through the royal archives for information relating to monster attacks or sightings in or around the New England area in the pre-cataclysm days."

#<Of course, I'll do anything I can to help.># There was a slight pause. #<Would you like me to bring the information in person?>#

Michiru smiled, and though Hotaru couldn't see it, she sensed it in Michiru's voice. "<I don't think that the power of Saturn is needed here. Arigatou, Hotaru-chan.>"

#<It's my pleasure. I'm pulling up the information now.># A short pause, filled with the sound of typing. #<How is Arashi-chan doing?>#

"<As well as can be expected. She and a lesser Senshi friend of hers were involved in one of the attacks. They managed to kill one of the monsters, but her friend was badly injured in the battle.>"

#<Taihen desu ne! Is Arashi all right?>#

"<Yes, she's fine, Hotaru-chan. A little shaken up, but otherwise fine.>"

#<Thank Kami-sama! Will her friend be OK?>#

"<Hai, she should be recovered within a week or two.>"

There was a short pause before Hotaru spoke again. #<Ah, I have the information you asked for... Michiru-mama, you wanted information relating to monster attacks or sightings in or around the New England area in pre-cataclysm days, right?>#

"<Hai.>"

#<Well, there are QUITE a large number of them. Most of them happened in the early 1900's, though there weren't as many as there were in Tokyo before the Cataclysm and the Ice. There's are two particularly large clusters of monster sightings. One is focused around the city of Arkham, particularly around Miskatonic University, and the other is focused around the mouth of the river called Manuxet, particularly around the reef just off shore... Devil's Reef, it was called.>#

There was a pause, and Michiru got the impression that Hotaru was frowning.

#<Before that, there are reports of a large number of vampire related deaths scattered throughout New England... that's about all I can say without actually showing you the case files. Are you sure you don't want me to bring it all over to you? There's far too much here for me to summarize effectively.>#

"<That won't be necessary - the information that you've gathered is more than enough. Arigatou, Hotaru-chan.>"

#<No problem! Ne, tell Arashi-chan and Haruka-papa I said hello, alright?>#

"<I'll tell them.>

#<Ja ne!>#

"<Goodbye, Hotaru-chan. Thanks again.>"

*click*

Michiru frowned as she considered what Hotaru had told her. A large cluster of monster sightings around the mouth of the Manuxet. She looked thoughtful for a moment. Mouth of the Manuxet? That sounded very familiar. Quickly, she produced the notes she had taken at the Historical Society. Mouth of the Manuxet. Innsmouth.

Her thoughts drifted back to the image of the black reef in her talisman. There was, according to Hotaru, a reef just off shore in that area... and Innsmouth was to the north of Boston, which was the direction most of the attacks were coming from. Her frown deepened. To top it all off, the Marsh family had links to that place. Very suspicious. She and Haruka might just have to take a look at this town.

******

It was the day of the fight, and at Howard Phillips High, a carnival atmosphere was in the air. Tickets were being sold, bets being made, and classes being ignored. "Who will win the battle for the hand of the lovely Alice Grant? It's Arashi Tenoh, son of Senshi Uranus and Senshi Neptune, VS. Tetsuro Shiro, apprentice mage and student at CTIP!!"

Arashi's eye twitched slightly as she heard the girl with the megaphone call her a 'son'. When she had arrived at school that morning, she had come without binding her chest because she figured that it would end this situation. When she arrived at school very obviously a female, everyone would have no choice but to listen to reason. Unfortunately, she was working with the faulty assumption that the students were rational people whose thought processes went along normal, logical lines.

When a busty, obviously female Arashi arrived at school that morning instead of the normally flat-chested, androgynous Arashi, everyone had stopped and stared in silence.

One particularly portly young man by the name of John Falstick was the first to notice her. He stared at her in shocked silence for a long moment before saying... "You have breasts!"

Arashi's eye twitched slightly as she turned her gaze to the rather... rotund young man. "So do you." she said. It was cruel, true, but it was better than outright killing the guy, right?

A short explanation followed, and when the crowd had heard Arashi's explanation of how it could be possible for her to be female, their train of thought went as follows:

- Arashi was a very bishounen guy.

- Arashi claimed to be a girl.

- Arashi claimed (though it embarrassed her somewhat, as things of that sort are usually not spoken of to large crowds of people) to have been in the habit of wearing bindings on her chest because it was the only way she could effectively emulate her otousan's look.

- Somehow, Arashi now has breasts.

At this point, their train of thought derailed and fell into a nearby ravine.

Their conclusion: "It's tragic! Arashi-kun's used shapechanging magic to change himself into a girl!"

"Quick, doesn't anyone know how to cast counter-magic?"

"So noble! Arashi-kun really HAS given up his manhood for the sake of sparing his one true love the pain of choosing between him and Tetsuro!"

Arashi had thus far managed to stop herself from killing any of them.

Barely.

Now, Arashi was still trying very hard not to let her temper get out of control, and considering that she had a rather nasty temper, and that she tended to be impulsive, there wasn't much hope of her succeeding.

"This is stupid!" she yelled, "I don't want to fight, and I don't want Alice! I'm a girl, damnit!"

Everyone ignored her.

In the school's gym, Tetsuro was squaring off against a practice dummy. This particular practice dummy bore a striking resemblance to Arashi. Perhaps it was the clothing that had been placed on it. Perhaps it was the fact that its figure had so closely matched 'his' until the... change, this morning. Or maybe it was the fact that someone had taped a picture of 'him' to it. In any case, Tetsuro was busily striking the dummy with all his might.

His face was distorted with an expression of great frustration. What was he supposed to do? Everyone was expecting a fight, and the reasons for the fight had evaporated! He couldn't fight a girl... could he? He let out a great cry that people nearby took to be one of rage, but was really more one of frustration and annoyance, there was a flash of light, and then the practice dummy split down to the middle. Tetsuro took a deep breath, and then pounded his fist into his palm. "Alright, I think I know what to do."

Tetsuro emerged from the gym, walking slowly to the impromptu ring that had been constructed. Once there, he dropped into a fighting stance.

Arashi smiled faintly and did likewise. The two stood facing each other for a long moment, neither wanting to make the first move, or so it seemed. A faint breeze ruffled their hair and clothing, and a handful of rose-petals drifted by, carried along by the breeze.

Abruptly, Tetsuro blinked and looked around. "When is Arashi going to get here?" he demanded angrily.

All things considered, it's amazing how loud a mass facefault can be.

Arashi glared at Tetsuro. "Idiot, I'm right here!"

While Tetsuro had known since the night before that Arashi was actually a girl, he had a hard time reconciling the girl before him to the image of the rather androgynous Arashi that he was used to. Even so, after a moment he nodded and then bowed to her. "Tenoh Arashi, I must express to you my most sincere apolo..." he trailed off as a nearby student dumped a kettle of hot water over Arashi's head. "..What the heck?"

"<KYAAAA! ATSUI!>" Arashi yelped, slipping back into Japanese briefly because of her surprise (and because of the pain involved in having scalding water poured over your head). When she recovered (as well as one can recover from having boiling water dumped over one's head), she glared at the boy who had poured it on her. "WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR!?"

The boy in question found himself wishing that he could sink into the ground. "Um... I thought maybe the pain of boiling water would break the spell and force you to change back..."

"Well it won't, got it!? I CAN'T change into a boy!"

"Arashi-kun can't change back...? That must mean...!"

Arashi smiled faintly. "Do you people FINALLY get it?"

"That must mean that he's the victim of a polymorph spell!"

Arashi facefaulted.

"Um..." began Tetsuro.

Alice rushed up to Arashi from where she had been standing, a poleaxed look on her face. "Arashi-kun, is it true? Are you really a girl?" She, it seemed, had somewhat more intelligence than the rest of the school.

But not much more.

Arashi nodded. "Yes, it's true."

The look of betrayal and hurt that appeared in Alice's expression wrenched at Arashi's heart. She might take advantage of people sometimes for some light hearted fun, but she hated to see them genuinely hurt.

"Why did you lie to me?" asked Alice.

"Excuse me..." said Tetsuro

Arashi looked pained. "I never said I was a guy, Alice, you assumed that yourself. ... I was going to tell you..."

If anything, Alice looked more hurt at that. "When? When were you going to tell me? In a week? A month? How long were you going to let me think..."

Arashi interrupted Alice. "I had meant to tell you this morning, but I got side tracked..."

Tetsuro began to get angry. "DON'T IGNORE ME, DAMNIT! I'M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE HERE!!" he yelled, stomping towards the two of them.

Arashi gave Tetsuro an annoyed look before yelling, "Butt out!" and casually kicking him into unconsciousness. As Tetsuro fell to the ground, Alice turned and ran away, her eyes full of tears.

Arashi reached out towards her departing form, knowing that it was futile. "Alice..."

A sniffle from the crowd suddenly made Arashi aware of the fact that everyone in the school had watched this little exchange. Most of them were now teary eyed, and the rest were just plain confused.

"Does this mean that Arashi won the man to man battle?" one boy asked.

Arashi frowned at the crowd. "Don't you people have anything better to do?" she asked.

"No," came the almost unanimous response.

Arashi sighed and then turned to watch Alice leave. 'Alice...' she thought, a deep sadness in her eyes.

Feeling no desire to remain for the rest of the school day, Arashi departed.

She wandered for a little while, just walking, and not really caring about her destination. After about ten minutes had passed, Arashi found herself in a small park near the Boston Historical Society. It consisted of a playground, a sandbox, a field (on which two soccer goals were set up), and a few scattered trees. With a sigh, Arashi sat down in the shade of one of the trees.

******

Meanwhile, Steven Marsh was walking along the sidewalk nearby. He, like many of the other students, had decided to leave when the fight between Arashi and Tetsuro turned out to be a non-event, and was now on his way home. As he walked along, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a flash of movement and... dark green? Odd. At first he intended to continue on his way, but... his curiosity quickly overcame his good sense, and he headed towards where he had seen the movement. So it was that he came upon Arashi, just in time to hear her wonder aloud, "What am I going to do now? She probably hates me."

Steven smiled faintly. "You could always apologize to her, you know."

Arashi blinked and turned towards the sound of his voice. "What?" she asked.

"Apologize." he said.

Arashi frowned. "Do you make a habit of bothering people when they want to be alone?"

Steven blinked slightly, his smile fading. "Er, sorry, Arashi. I just heard you talking aloud.. I saw what happened at school, and wanted to help, but it's not any of my business. Sorry." He turned to go.

As he began to walk away, Arashi's expression became thoughtful. She hadn't even considered what he had suggested. "Apologize...?" she asked.

Steven's smile returned fully and he turned around, nodding. "Yeah. Say you're sorry, ask for forgiveness, make restitution if possible. Apologize. She might not forgive you, but she won't even have a chance to unless you apologize."

Arashi hmmed. "But how exactly am I at fault here? It's not my fault she thought I was a guy."

"Well, you didn't exactly discourage the idea.."

"So?"

Steven started to get annoyed, "Look, you've broken her heart, and she's probably off somewhere crying her eyes out. Doesn't that bother you in the slightest?"

Arashi frowned. "... Yeah."

"Then apologize to her! Say you're sorry for hurting her! You ARE sorry for hurting her, aren't you?"

"Of course I am! What are you implying?"

Steven shook his head, "Nothing, Arashi. Don't read things into what I said that I don't mean."

Arashi paused, struggling with her pride for a few moments before she finally managed to ask, "What restitution could I possibly offer?"

He shrugged. "That's up to you, I think. But you know it's the right thing to do."

Arashi thought about it for a moment. It could work.. but apologizing was not something that she was particularly good at. 'But,' came the voice of her pride, 'I haven't done anything wrong!'

She did a quick internal check - was she actually sorry for hurting Alice? Yes, she was. Was apologizing the right thing to do? Again, yes. Would she do it? No.

Arashi shook her head (and hardened her heart) "I haven't done anything wrong, and I'll be damned if I'm going to say I'm sorry for a mistake that someone else made."

Steven sighed. "I can see this is going to be difficult for you. Good luck, daughter of Heaven and the Sea," he said, seeming somewhat resigned.

Arashi quirked a brow. "What?"

Steven flushed red. "... Um, I said, good luck, Arashi. <Gambare>."

"Whatever." said Arashi as she stood up, turned, and walked away, leaving a more than slightly annoyed Steven Marsh in her wake.

******

Alice wandered for a little while, just walking, and not really caring about her destination. She lost track of how long she had been walking for; It could have been ten minutes, it could have been an hour. She didn't care. Her heart was broken. Arashi had let her believe a lie! Let her fall in love with him! No, she forcibly reminded herself, not 'him', 'her'. Inside of her heart, a great gnawing emptiness was growing, and around its edges were anger, resentment, and sadness. Tears flowed down her face, but she didn't notice them.

A shadow fell over her, and a somewhat harsh voice asked, "Why are you crying?"

Alice looked up and blinked in surprise. She had wandered into the docks, and was now standing directly in front of the man that she had met in front of the hospital. She briefly wondered how she could have missed the scent of the ocean, which was now so strong that it nearly overpowered her sense of smell.

"Well?" he asked.

She frowned faintly. "None of your business."

He smiled knowingly. "Trouble with love, then?"

Alice's lower lip quivered slightly as she tried to hold back a new flood of tears.

"I suppose that's a yes, then."

Alice nodded, looking at the ground. After a few moments of silence, she felt the anger and resentment in her heart begin to grow stronger, but she did not think that strange. "..You... you said you had something that could make me strong, right? I never want to be a victim again... I want to be powerful, like one of the Sailor Senshi.."

The man nodded, a look of calculation appearing on his face. "That I did.. what of it?"

"I want it! Give it to me! I need that kind of power... then maybe I won't be so helpless, and maybe I can get back at that... that..." Abruptly, she clenched her fist. "Tenoh Arashi, I'll have my revenge!" she whispered in a venomous, hate filled voice.

The man held out his hand, and she took it. He smiled darkly.

--=- END EPISODE FIVE -=--

--=- OMAKE -=--

From the shadows, a monstrous THING lunged at them. It was neither human, nor fish, nor frog, nor eel, nor shark, but something much, much worse.

It was Happosai.

"SWEETO!" the shrunken pervert cried as he glomped on to the poor girl's chest.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" she shrieked, bludgeoning the offending martial artist with the various objects that she had at hand; a mallet, several rocks, and her boyfriend.

--=- End -=--

Comments? Criticisms? Do you like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

Let's keep it civil, please. Flames will be laughed at. MSTies will

also be laughed at, but in an entirely different manner than flames. 8)

stillwell_phw@hotmail.com

*******

B.A.: "Ok, so what you are asking is if your character survives a point blank blast of fire breath in the face which causes him to stumble backwards off a 300 foot cliff, landing in a pool of molten lava?"

Bob: "Well... yeah. Does he survive? He's got +1 armor!"

B.A.: "NO!"

Dave: "DAMN, DUDE! You were ROBBED!"

- Knights of the Dinner Table